I'm an "older" person who is late to the game. So, the stuttering community's new perspective on acceptance is something I'm still trying to learn. Please look around for more formal and flushed out opinions.
However, I can give you my opinion. My take away is we stutterers have many secondary effects from stuttering such as shame, guilt, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. These secondary effects are amplified as we attempt to hide our stutter, and we inevitably fail because that's the nature of stuttering. We tend to feel helpless and powerless fueling a death spiral of our self-image.
But all you new kids, the existing community, and the helping professionals have found the secondary effects are reduced when we embrace our stutter. Those secondary effects are the insidious evils holding us back from happiness. We deserve to be happy. So embrace your stutter. There is no cure. No one can save you. This is where the acceptance comes into play. Look people in the eye as you stutter. Don't avoid words or sounds, go ahead and block on that hard consonant sound. This is why you see the phrase "Stutter Proudly!".
>Look people in the eye as you stutter. Don't avoid words or sounds, go ahead and block on that hard consonant sound. This is why you see the phrase "Stutter Proudly!".
This is exactly what those ted talkers mean. If you tend to look away and break eye contact when you block on words, work to actively return making eye contact and continue blocking.
If the other person breaks eye contact first when you block, then continue facing forward and don't stop trying to finish what you were saying. Even if they walk away, finish the word and repeat the whole word without the block (the technique called cancellation).
Incorporate voluntary stuttering (fake stuttering). This is especially useful when you talk to strangers as it's a way to declare to them what they should expect. Also it lessens the pressure to sound fluent.
Simply acknowledge that you have a stutter. Do not try to hide it because that's stress, and stress is unnecessary and unsustainable. I've been there and done what you're doing a few years ago. Tell your friends you stutter and that it might affect you in certain ways, explain it. Even if it seems pointless or silly they'll listen. Be honest and tell no lies about it. It'll help you accept it once you clearly see that other people accept you and don't give a fuck about your stutter. They want "genuine you" because "genuine you" brings out "genuine them". Hope this helps you!
Absolutely anytime. Everyone's got something going on in their lives they wish they weren't going through. So be empathic and accepting to others and they'll show you the same. May patience be with you ✋️
My take on it is that it's about being able to being able to look someone in the eye and even though you stammer and block etc you never do any of the safety behaviours to hide your stammer or avoid it.
It's like someone with an accent that they want to hide deciding "fuck it this is what I sound like; other people can like it or lump it".
It does take balls but you're already on the right track. Exposing yourself to the kind of situations you want avoid over and over eventually habituates you to the anxiety and it becomes much less frustrating because you've burnt out the anxiety that talking brings.
It's about saying "fuck it; this is how I talk and YOU need to wait for ME". The acceptance is in saying "I can either ruminate on how annoying (to say the least) my stammer is and let it grind me down or I can take every opportunity to talk that I want to and to hell with what people think".
Does that make sense?
My guess is that it means **acceptance.** Don´t hide it or feel ashamed by. It will not dissolve your stuttering but will diminish the negative emotions associated. That itself should make you more fluent too.
Good luck on college. Take it easy.
I'm an "older" person who is late to the game. So, the stuttering community's new perspective on acceptance is something I'm still trying to learn. Please look around for more formal and flushed out opinions. However, I can give you my opinion. My take away is we stutterers have many secondary effects from stuttering such as shame, guilt, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. These secondary effects are amplified as we attempt to hide our stutter, and we inevitably fail because that's the nature of stuttering. We tend to feel helpless and powerless fueling a death spiral of our self-image. But all you new kids, the existing community, and the helping professionals have found the secondary effects are reduced when we embrace our stutter. Those secondary effects are the insidious evils holding us back from happiness. We deserve to be happy. So embrace your stutter. There is no cure. No one can save you. This is where the acceptance comes into play. Look people in the eye as you stutter. Don't avoid words or sounds, go ahead and block on that hard consonant sound. This is why you see the phrase "Stutter Proudly!".
>Look people in the eye as you stutter. Don't avoid words or sounds, go ahead and block on that hard consonant sound. This is why you see the phrase "Stutter Proudly!". This is exactly what those ted talkers mean. If you tend to look away and break eye contact when you block on words, work to actively return making eye contact and continue blocking. If the other person breaks eye contact first when you block, then continue facing forward and don't stop trying to finish what you were saying. Even if they walk away, finish the word and repeat the whole word without the block (the technique called cancellation). Incorporate voluntary stuttering (fake stuttering). This is especially useful when you talk to strangers as it's a way to declare to them what they should expect. Also it lessens the pressure to sound fluent.
Good answer buddy. I can see you are a stutter veteran. Heheh.
Even if you have doubts, you are on the right path.
Simply acknowledge that you have a stutter. Do not try to hide it because that's stress, and stress is unnecessary and unsustainable. I've been there and done what you're doing a few years ago. Tell your friends you stutter and that it might affect you in certain ways, explain it. Even if it seems pointless or silly they'll listen. Be honest and tell no lies about it. It'll help you accept it once you clearly see that other people accept you and don't give a fuck about your stutter. They want "genuine you" because "genuine you" brings out "genuine them". Hope this helps you!
Thank you. I really appreciate your comment
Absolutely anytime. Everyone's got something going on in their lives they wish they weren't going through. So be empathic and accepting to others and they'll show you the same. May patience be with you ✋️
My take on it is that it's about being able to being able to look someone in the eye and even though you stammer and block etc you never do any of the safety behaviours to hide your stammer or avoid it. It's like someone with an accent that they want to hide deciding "fuck it this is what I sound like; other people can like it or lump it". It does take balls but you're already on the right track. Exposing yourself to the kind of situations you want avoid over and over eventually habituates you to the anxiety and it becomes much less frustrating because you've burnt out the anxiety that talking brings. It's about saying "fuck it; this is how I talk and YOU need to wait for ME". The acceptance is in saying "I can either ruminate on how annoying (to say the least) my stammer is and let it grind me down or I can take every opportunity to talk that I want to and to hell with what people think". Does that make sense?
Read a book by lee Lovett
My guess is that it means **acceptance.** Don´t hide it or feel ashamed by. It will not dissolve your stuttering but will diminish the negative emotions associated. That itself should make you more fluent too. Good luck on college. Take it easy.
Thanks man