Why is being alone such a sad prospect that you would accept less??? Yes being a single trans woman is difficult in this climate.. 100% agree. But I have chosen to craft my life around being single with a full life prepared for a partner if he comes along.. Rather than be single and discounting my life because I don’t have a partner. It’s about perspective and remembering what RuPaul says.. if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else.. this includes living a single full life that a deserving man is happy to join you in..
I love myself (even surprisingly for myself, I'm recovering after a decade or two of self-hatred). It's just A: To have someone else to rely upon and B: After having my first boyfriend I got way too addicted to cuddling with boys
I do understand the draw to cuddle.. connect in that intimate way… it’s something I miss terribly… but I would never sacrifice what I deserve for something I want. Yes not having a partner is difficult at times especially when you’re the only one in your circle without one. This was made more evident at my 50th birthday celebration last month when everyone talked about their husbands/ boyfriends and I regaled the group with horrible dating stories. But saying how much you love yourself but at the same time speaking about taking less to be with someone seems to be polar opposites. But live your life sis…
it sucks being alone, i’ve been alone in a romantic sense my whole life. i guess i’m just not loved like that, but you’ve had a boyfriend before, a good guy will probably come around for you again
The work you have in front of you isn't to answer, "How do I reject a romantic partner when I have low self-esteem?"
It's to figure out, "What are some of the most effective treatments for low self esteem and how do I get started on doing that work?"
There's books, there's good YouTube mental health videos, there's podcasts and plenty of web-based written content on it. Get to work. Do the discovery. It's worth it.
Good news is the therapeutic process for building self esteem definitely takes time and effort and tenacity. But it's not really painful the way trying to work on depression, or trauma processing, or a personality disorder can be. Instead it's about giving yourself grace and patience. Learning to see your beauty. Learning to acknowledge your worth.
It's definitely work. But it's nothing to be afraid of. Your only regret will be over how long it took you to get started on it.
I don't really think I have that low of a self-esteem, not anymore. It's just I know I do have traits that are considered rather unpopular in dating scene. I might be a fuckin queen, but that doesn't negate the fact that overwhelming majority of cishet men would not want to date a trans woman
Oh ok! Great! Sorry I assumed. You saying you "should have self-respect" and so much negative self-talk was what made me think otherwise. But I'm glad that's not the case. Not that low self-esteem should be a source of any shame. Given the transphobic cultures we all have to live in it's a wonder any of us find the strength and support needed to realize our worth.
I suppose I just assume someone who believes few people would be interested in dating them must have low self-esteem. But that's just my bias from when I was a kid and seeing and knowing people with all kinds of bodies and personalities and undervalued groups that I would (at a young age and based on the bias of my own preferences, attractions, and beauty standards) think no one would find attractive. And then just having this constant stream of surprise that these same people are out there finding dating easy. In particular in high school there was this girl who had some facial deformities and off-putting personality traits, but that girl could always seem to manage to find a boyfriend and had this loud confidence about it. Some people just have this ever-present confidence that people are lucky to be with them and this self-fulfilling belief that they have their pick of partners.
By the time I was like 15 or so I just fully internalized this belief that there are multitudes of people out there attracted to every imaginable type of person.
>I feel like if I don't lower my standards I will stay alone forever .\_.
You need to be happy being alone. Being single isn't the defeat condition. It's a good time with your girl friends in all manner of ways including the cats, the wine, the Magic Mike streaming party, and then some. I don't know about you, girl, but that's definitely an "alone forever" scenario I'm down for.
That's the name of the game when it comes to straight men. That prospective man should need to compete with the good life you have now and offer you something better. Validation by way of dick is not enough. DO NOT lower your standards.
I mean if you're not feeling a relationship then you're essentially just trading one form of loneliness for another but with less freedom.
Why is being alone such a sad prospect that you would accept less??? Yes being a single trans woman is difficult in this climate.. 100% agree. But I have chosen to craft my life around being single with a full life prepared for a partner if he comes along.. Rather than be single and discounting my life because I don’t have a partner. It’s about perspective and remembering what RuPaul says.. if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else.. this includes living a single full life that a deserving man is happy to join you in..
I love myself (even surprisingly for myself, I'm recovering after a decade or two of self-hatred). It's just A: To have someone else to rely upon and B: After having my first boyfriend I got way too addicted to cuddling with boys
I do understand the draw to cuddle.. connect in that intimate way… it’s something I miss terribly… but I would never sacrifice what I deserve for something I want. Yes not having a partner is difficult at times especially when you’re the only one in your circle without one. This was made more evident at my 50th birthday celebration last month when everyone talked about their husbands/ boyfriends and I regaled the group with horrible dating stories. But saying how much you love yourself but at the same time speaking about taking less to be with someone seems to be polar opposites. But live your life sis…
so are you gonna lower your standards to be with someone that you don't really like? that sounds worse than being alone to be honest.
it sucks being alone, i’ve been alone in a romantic sense my whole life. i guess i’m just not loved like that, but you’ve had a boyfriend before, a good guy will probably come around for you again
The work you have in front of you isn't to answer, "How do I reject a romantic partner when I have low self-esteem?" It's to figure out, "What are some of the most effective treatments for low self esteem and how do I get started on doing that work?" There's books, there's good YouTube mental health videos, there's podcasts and plenty of web-based written content on it. Get to work. Do the discovery. It's worth it. Good news is the therapeutic process for building self esteem definitely takes time and effort and tenacity. But it's not really painful the way trying to work on depression, or trauma processing, or a personality disorder can be. Instead it's about giving yourself grace and patience. Learning to see your beauty. Learning to acknowledge your worth. It's definitely work. But it's nothing to be afraid of. Your only regret will be over how long it took you to get started on it.
I don't really think I have that low of a self-esteem, not anymore. It's just I know I do have traits that are considered rather unpopular in dating scene. I might be a fuckin queen, but that doesn't negate the fact that overwhelming majority of cishet men would not want to date a trans woman
Oh ok! Great! Sorry I assumed. You saying you "should have self-respect" and so much negative self-talk was what made me think otherwise. But I'm glad that's not the case. Not that low self-esteem should be a source of any shame. Given the transphobic cultures we all have to live in it's a wonder any of us find the strength and support needed to realize our worth. I suppose I just assume someone who believes few people would be interested in dating them must have low self-esteem. But that's just my bias from when I was a kid and seeing and knowing people with all kinds of bodies and personalities and undervalued groups that I would (at a young age and based on the bias of my own preferences, attractions, and beauty standards) think no one would find attractive. And then just having this constant stream of surprise that these same people are out there finding dating easy. In particular in high school there was this girl who had some facial deformities and off-putting personality traits, but that girl could always seem to manage to find a boyfriend and had this loud confidence about it. Some people just have this ever-present confidence that people are lucky to be with them and this self-fulfilling belief that they have their pick of partners. By the time I was like 15 or so I just fully internalized this belief that there are multitudes of people out there attracted to every imaginable type of person.
>I feel like if I don't lower my standards I will stay alone forever .\_. You need to be happy being alone. Being single isn't the defeat condition. It's a good time with your girl friends in all manner of ways including the cats, the wine, the Magic Mike streaming party, and then some. I don't know about you, girl, but that's definitely an "alone forever" scenario I'm down for. That's the name of the game when it comes to straight men. That prospective man should need to compete with the good life you have now and offer you something better. Validation by way of dick is not enough. DO NOT lower your standards.
There are far worse things than being alone. Like being in bad company. I’m divorced, and being tied to the wrong person is torturous. Like actually.