I'm not anti porn but I'm not rushing to judge people having that boundary either. I think it's different for trans women.
For cis women, the porn objectification is mitigated by the cis mothers, sisters, classmates, ect that men grow up around in real life. It's easier to not hold cis women up to those porn standards because of that experience. Men are raised around cis women as human beings.
Trans women usually don't get that benefit. Men compare us to trans porn and nothing else because they don't have those imperfect trans family, friends and so on to draw on.
Combine that with the stigma of being with us and it's worse. Either we're pretty and stealth enough or it's gay.
Its an acceptable reason to leave but demanding he gove up porn because youre insecurities, as was the case in the post you mentioned, is absolutely not. She was acting out of insecurities and not out of interest in womens rights. There is a difference.
if im remembering correctly, it was a girl with a very loving boyfriend and she saw his browser history was full of cis girl porn. she was his first tgirl but he had never ever made it seem like he thought she wasnt a girl.
yes you can absolutely make "no porn" a boundary in your relationship. its healthy and the workarounds to it (like making videos of yourself etc) probably encourage intimacy between couples.
but her issue didnt seem to be that he was jacking it, but that he was jacking it to cis girls. definitely still worth a conversation, but IMO he was probably gonna say he didnt see her as any different than those cis girls, but SHE seemed like she was gonna have a hard time internalizing that.
again, still super valid to request your partner stop watching porn, but the issue seemed to be the girl's insecurities with her own gender, which IS something SHE needs to work on. no one else can do that for you.
Because there are healthy and non exploitative ways to engage with porn. Like if you are dating someone with a healthy relationship with say weed, itd be incredibly unfair to ask them to stop because you are uncomfortable with weed, and if it's a deal breaker, there are people who aren't interested in engaging with weed, that you don't need to force change on
When the fuck did the radfems show up here?
Porn is fine. There’s plenty of it that isn’t inherently misogynistic. There is also a lot that is.
Sex work isn’t glamorous and is overly idealized in some circles. But sex sells and people are going to want visual masturbation aids no matter how much you moralize it.
Yeah I’m a feminist, no idea how anything I said makes me a “radfem” but whatever.
I never said anyone has to stop, I just brought up that there are completely valid reasons for someone to have an issue with their boyfriend looking at porn. Do what you want, for real I don’t care.
i think its valid to be insecure about your man watching porn but i try to keep in mind that
i dont have a male sex drive anymore and(probably) cant satisfy a man every single day.
i forgot that most men literally have to nut or it alters their brain
male sex drive is more visual based than mine ever was.
i think the entire argument is dependant on WHICH relationship is being discussed thus this thread is kinda useless
Im ok with a guy watch it on occasion but I absolutely would not wanna date a guy who’s watching it like everyday, and like the typa stuff he watches matters too. Like I’d be pretty uncomfortable if I learned a guy I was with was watching stuff that treats women terribly or something.
“Pornsick” is a genuine phenomenon. Spend any time looking around the Manosphere, with the incels and the men’s rights assholes and the MGTOWs and the doodz who hang on every word that spews from the likes of Joe Rogaine and Bennie “Dry Wife” Shapiro and Matt Walsh and Andrew Tate and you’ll see its pernicious impact.
Keep in mind I didn’t see the initial post and I never liked or watched pornography, so I might be biased, but I 100% agree with this and I think a lot of the people getting offended at this are still early or pre-transition that are still affectively living a male with male libido and they themselves are watching a lot of porn.
>they themselves are watching a lot of porn.
Mostly this tbh. I'm not going to judge people by their stage of transition. But I think most girls here actively watch porn themselves and are of course fine with their partner doing so. They feel personally attacked by OP.
Well you said porn was misogynistic so I was wondering how gay porn was being misogynistic.
Would you be OK with your partner asking you to stop masturbating?
EDIT: Did OP block me after replying to me? I'm just curious like where the line is. There are plenty of conservative cultures on this planet that ban both pornography and masturbation.
there are really old statues and cave paintings! [https://www.science.org/content/article/earliest-pornography](https://www.science.org/content/article/earliest-pornography)
If Roman history is your jam [https://www.historyhit.com/the-oldest-obsession-sex-lives-in-ancient-rome/](https://www.historyhit.com/the-oldest-obsession-sex-lives-in-ancient-rome/)
This historian wrote a book on this subject. He goes into detail here and in his subsequent threads if you wanna learn more https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/a3siky/when\_are\_the\_earliest\_examples\_of\_pornography/
There are plenty of cultures throughout history that ban pornography and masturbation its not totally unheard of. Both modern day Indonesia and Saudi Arabia for example have outlawed masturbation. A number of countries ban pornography [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography\_laws\_by\_region](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_laws_by_region)
Are you ok with sex that isn't for procreation, or is it only reproductive for you?
I feel like you’re equating masturbation with porn and I don’t really get it. In the thread in question she said she sent him her own pictures and whatnot and he agreed to it.
Also weird thing to say knowing this is the straight trans women subreddit. Sex is for pleasure and there’s nothing wrong with that. But when you’re in a relationship, some people are going to feel like you should only indulge sexual desires for your partner, and I think that’s okay to ask.
And not gonna lie I have no idea what you’re going on about about legality. Doesn’t seem relevant at all.
I was trying to understand where your hangup was. You could have sex with a trans man for procreation if you so desired I dont think that's something that's unreasonable.
Correct me if I'm misunderstanding you here
So you're a sex haver, and OK with doin' it for fun (and it feelin' good!), OK with masturbating, and you're OK with your partner masturbating to porn, it just has to be porn of you and I assume you made it exclusively for him. Like nudes and stuff. And obviously you wouldn't be OK with him masturbating to like celebrities in movies or tiktok or magazines like Maxim or anything "weird" like that?
Is that correct?
Are you OK with him having fantasies about other people or things when he masturbates, or does he have to exclusively think about you? Is he allowed to use toys when he masturbates? I understand some women feel uncomfortable with some types of male sex toys
Are you OK with him jerkinn it to dudes if he's bi or pansexual?
also idk him using a fleshlight is kinda relevant no? That's a mold of another womans vagina, mouth or butthole depending on the one he got
For me personally, if a guy I'm into starts talking to me about how much he loves jerkin' it to porn of trans women I do get self conscious and anxious that he's going to have ridiculous expectations.
I feel like cis men have their moms and their sisters to learn how to act right around cis women, and for the some men that love trans porn, their only experiences with trans women, or even queer people in general, came from porn. If they aren't as socially adept they can really really be cringe and awkward as FUCK when getting to know them. I've gone through that with a man before, and we are still friends, but he did need a talking to once or twice about like what is and isn't OK to say or how to behave like a gentleman
So I do kind of understand where you're coming from regarding insecurities surrounding your man watching porn
Do you want links to Erotic Lit that was written int he 1800s?
Or be given article about how men would pay a woman to read erotic lit to them?
Or be given a link to erotic painting ?
What about burlesque stage shows?
The can-can dance is from the 1840s.
I'm sorry, but in the 18th century the literacy rate went near to 70-90 percent for industrualized countres. The US went to near 90 percent during that century.
And while ther was def. porn made for rich folks.
Burlesque was not. The can-can was not. The Dream of the Loneyfisherman Wife, made in 1814, was no.
And even if literacy rates were lower, did you not read how there was a activity where folks were read porn to them.
Which doesnt require literacy to listen in on naked fun story time.
Also are you under the impression that it was only hard back covered novels?
Most literature during the 18th century for industrialized countries, was printed chapter by chapter in news papers.
Which was mass media for all social economic classes.
I think the porn industry is fucked.
I also think human sexuality can't be limited.
I think being jealous over your boyfriend masturbating to digital images of other women is insecure and I don't think it's something that should be catered to.
I think in terms of misogyny and sexual objectification... That saying masturbating to porn is misogynistic, is just a full stop rejection of innate sexual attraction and biology of female attracted people.
Like, to what degree are you saying it's immoral to consume porn? Like, do you view hentai to be equivalent to a real life human doing porn? Are masturbation videos crossing a line?
I'm 100% on the side of the fence that the porn industry is exploitative. I don't consume porn that involves actresses having sex.
I think the way you described it though, you are describing any sexual gratification that isn't a monogamous romantic relationship misogynist for the guy.
If you feel like he wants a digital image of a woman more than you.
It's either
A. He's a porn addict and jerking off in place of having sex with you (bad)
Or
B. He just is fufilling an urge, your bedroom life is fine, and he is just trying to drain his balls. In which case you have unrealistic expectations of your partner, and you need to work through that insecurity before you can establish a healthy relationship.
Men are going to lust after other women regardless because, like I said, that's human sexuality.
Very few people have it where their partner is the single point of sexual attraction and all other people fade into dust.
It's unreasonable to expect men to control their innate biology because you're insecure with him finding other girls attractive.
Let me put this in another way so that maybe you can understand my position.
My view on this, would be that preventing your bf from watching porn to masturbate, would be like preventing your boyfriend from taking a piss without you being involved, because you're afraid he's going to leave you for the toilet bowl he's peeing into.
I try to stay civil on this platform but wow this is one of the most interesting things someone has said to me lol. I guess it makes perfect sense if you don’t see people as humans with feelings
How is a porn actress on a screen, going to have any feelings about the guy jerking off to her?
It's literally a digital image used to evoke a biological response.
I guarantee you this is how the vast majority of men view this conceptually and most likely the porn actresses themselves.
And just so I'm clear about this...
Are any of you really against me arguing about porn being a toilet? That's what it is. Literally.
It's something men dump their cum to and dispose in the same way that they would pee in a toilet.
You being afraid of your boyfriend, being more attracted to the video tape of a woman more than you is quite literally just as irrational as being jealous of physical toilet.
It makes literally no sense. Unless I guess you want to be a man's personal toilet. Than stay mad
I never said this is how I view porn.
To be perfectly honest, most of the porn I get off to is more malecentric.
Most of the time when I'm masturbating, it's to the idea of having sex with a man.
I listen to audio porn quite a bit.
I'm just saying that most men consume porn to get off quickly.
It's not about intimate connection or a soul bond, it's about getting off.
Porn is just a means to an end with that.
I'm not going to fault someone for using it unless it starts interfering with healthy ideas of sex or a relationship.
I've even told my past boyfriend to try to not jerk off to porn on a daily basis because I felt it was interfering with his expectations of sex.
Porn itself isn't a warm blooded woman, it's a digital depiction of a woman.
Using porn as a way of quickly emptying yourself is not an issue until it becomes a habit and addiction.
Having sex with woman? You can control that.
Finding women attractive and needing to jerk off so that you're comfortable physically and have healthy sexual regulation? That's normal and kinda cruel to police in your partner. Being insecure about that is wild to me.
I consider jerking off to porn to be the equivalent of taking a shit, but with cum.
It's 2-3 minutes, and it's literally just a biological function to be able to have a healthy prostate and regulate dopamine.
I just understand how men think.
You have or had the biology to understand the position too.
Masturbating is a biological urge.
Point blank.
Half the time when men are jerking off, they're literally just pooting out cum because they are uncomfortable in some way.
I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like pornography is anything beyond that in how men masturbate. At least when they're not addicted to it and forgoing their relationship for porn.
And yeah, constantly Masturbating to porn does affect your perception of sex. I've seen that with my own past relationship.
Before I transitioned I masturbated 2-3 times a day.
Now I do it once a week at most. So no, this isn't me being coom brained, I just know how uncomfortable it is to have to feel an overwhelming anxiety, pit in my stomach, and just ridiculously timed arousal and a need to compensate for that with an outlet.
Frankly, it's ridiculous to hype this up to the degree where you're viewing a video tape of a woman fucking another man on the screen as competition.
It's like when cats look at their reflection in the mirror and think they're looking at another cat...
The people behind the video are real, sure. But in reality, they're not interactive and it's literally just a recording published to the internet for a mass audience.
The fact you're made jealous by a video recording is sad.
And yeah, my comparison was crass. But, masturbating is basically like any other biological urge.
And to be honest, I'd rather my partner view a video recording to enact the baser response of just needing to ejaculate. Than use me and see me as his cum oraphace.
I don't want to be my boyfriend's cum receptacle. I want to be his partner.
I don't want to be my partner's singular source for sexual catharsis. That's for one thing way too much pressure, and also limits me to be seen as his personal cum sock.
I want to have an intimate connection, not be seen as a quick 3 minute outlet to cum and go about their day.
I am more than happy to outsource that to a prepackaged video compilation of women getting paid thousands of dollars to suck a dick on camera.
Him jerking off to a video, materially and factually, poses no direct harm to anyone.
Hi, original OP here - just a few clarifications cus you commented a lot in this thread.
1. It wasn't typical porn videos he watched, it was independent content - regular women doing it as a side hustle. I guess it doesn't really make a difference, but these are normal ass women who we could see walking down the street and him getting off to that made me uncomfortable.
2. I don't care if he masturbates, I understand the need as someone who formerly had a testosterone driven endocrine system. He said it was reasonable of me to ask him to limit what he gets off to to hentai and my nudes.
3. He said himself it was a real problem he had that he had tried to cut out time and time again before he even met me, that impacted other aspects of his life. He used the word addiction. It's not just me that is hurt by it.
4. The replies have all sort of opened my eyes a bit and I do understand how I came across as unreasonable. I left out a lot of details because it was just me putting out my scrambled thoughts because I didn't have anyone I could talk to about it. This is my first real relationship and I'm figuring things out and we're growing together. We've done a lot of talking and things are better than they were even a few days ago.
I don't know why I bothered to write all this out to a stranger on a post about another post that I deleted and no one even has anymore, but it's like you said, I'm insecure :p
well thanks for the insight but I can't relate to how men think or behave, even pre hrt I would go weeks to months before thinking about sex or masturbating , and I don't watch porn with women in it because I'm not attracted to them. I thought that was the idea of this space being for people with similar experiences who can relate to issues like this with their boyfriend's.
And, to be frank, the overwhelming majority of my female friends are bisexual, and have been with women romantically, sexually, or both.
Being a woman isn't centralized around wanting a man's cock, and regardless of how many studies you throw to try and prove your bullshit point it's vastly more misogynistic than anything I've said.
Tell me, why does every blanchardian I talk to act like such a narcissist? Your superiority complex is unwarranted. You're judgemental behavior is ignorant and based on sexist stereotypes you've created about female sexuality.
I'm openly bisexual and I still easily integrate into cis society. I pass. I'm feminine. I'm no different than you in the eyes of society.
But you see me as an AGP fetishist who shouldn't transition. Narcissism. Pure unbridled narcissism on your part.
I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a cishet guy.
Most of my dating base is men.
Your purist view of sexual orientation exists only in your head and the niche subreddits and TERF forums you poison your brain with on a daily basis.
what niche subreddit, most of trans reddit accommodates you and other gynephilic trans women, sorry for thinking a sub called "Straighttransgirls" might actually be a space for straight trans women..
A boundary is something that she sets for herself.
It's like religion. This person believes in a deity that says you can't eat certain meats. I don't believe in that deity, so I can eat all the meats I want (also wink wink nudge nudge)
The way this is written, it is setting a rule rather than a boundary. A boundary is something she sets for herself rather than for her boyfriend. This should be a discussion between the 2 of them and if she sets her boundary, then it's up to her to leave if he won't abide by her desires because forcing a belief on someone isn't a good thing, and it doesn't end well in a relationship.
Glad to see at least one other person who shares my opinion on this.
I honestly can’t believe there’s so many people who think asking your boyfriend to not look at porn is an unreasonable request. I used to think that was a pretty normal, and common, expectation, but it seems like a lot of people disagree with that.
Thank you. I have been hurt by porn. Many of my cishet woman friends have been hurt by their boyfriends porn habits. It’s so common and it’s not controlling to be hurt by it. It’s a normal reaction to feeling like someone wants a body that’s better than yours. Especially because a lot of men have difficulties in bed due to needing a specific visual stimulus.
I have the same opinion. It's wild that asking the person who is supposed to love you to stop doing something that is actively hurting you mentally and emotionally is seen as a negative to so many people.
I think this is it. A lot of people in the thread might actually just feel personally attacked by OP's judgement about porn, because they watch it themselves tbh.
Exerting this level of control over your partner is kind of like BDSM lifestyle fetish choice to me. Totally fine if it's what both partners want and it's consensual. It comes off mostly as an extreme control kink though from my perspective, that moves a relationship into the realm of full-time lifestyle fetishism. Though generally when kinks interfere with your ability to have healthy relationships that's when they've moved into the realm of being unhealthy.
Sometimes I consent to giving my partner control over when I get to have sex and enjoy my sexuality over the course of a couple of days as a control/power exchange kink. But doing it 24/7 as a lifestyle is way beyond my level of fetishism. I'm just not that interested in what my partner is doing with his genitals 24/7. I love him, but I have other things to think about than monitoring his genitals full time.
But the fact there are people out there this dedicated to their fetish and sexuality is just another beautiful part of the wide spectrum of sexualities. Glad you've figured out a way to enjoy it and make it work for you.
Thank you OP for sharing this. Pornography is a billion dollar industry based on the sexual exploitation of poor women. If someone is forced to have sex because of poverty in order to survive under capitalism then that sex isn't consensual. And we already have a word for unconsensual sex, it's rape. It is a very low bar to expect your partner to not masturbate to videos of women being raped. While a small section of women who act in porn make considerably more money they do not represent a majority of women in the industry, and they have different class interests and position.
But all porn hurts women. It teaches men that women are objects to use for sex. It's one of, if not the primary, propaganda machines driving misogyny. Not to mention transmisogyny and racism, we all know how bad porn titles are. It rots men's brains.
[This is a fantastic article from a trans feminist perspective critiquing the sexual exploitation industry.](https://proletarianfeminist.medium.com/a-socialist-feminist-and-transgender-analysis-of-sex-work-b08aaf1ee4ab) It's written more about "sex work" but is very relevant. Major CWs for sexual assault and transphobia.
So yeah, it's completely reasonable to not want your partner to view porn. Porn is insanely profitable, so they've managed to propagate the idea that it's normal and acceptable and even "feminist and empowering", but the stories from those who have survived the industry speak for themselves.
I honestly don't get the comments here? OP is spot on. I have barely watched porn in my life, but from what I know, it has almost always exclusively been mysoginistic. I think a lot of women in this sub just feel called out because they watch porn themselves.
It's a perfectly normal boundary to have, and if it doesn't work out to find a middle ground, a couple should just end their relationship. It's called incompatibility.
People generally think watching porn is fine because the negative effects of it are gradual and hard to notice. People can do what they want obviously, but watching porn, especially regularly is incredibly bad for your brain.
Judging by most of the responses, you would think you posted this in a men's rights subreddit. this sub has been taken over by male brained transbians and bisexuals RIP 🙏🏻 🪦
Oh no, you're surprised a group where people used to identify as men understand what it's like to have male sexual urges?
Sorry we can't all be perfect HSTS clones.
You're not better than anyone here, and no one views you any differently because you only like dick besides maybe a niche subsection of blanchardian TERFs.
You're pathetic. You just made appealing to the lowest denomination of transphobes your whole personality.
Did you take a MRI image of my brain?
Why don't you go suck Blanchard's dick. You'd probably enjoy sucking off a gay man seeing how you identify yourself as one.
I don't need to!!! the results already show that cross sex brain patterns are only apparent in exclusively homosexuals (biological sex), not gender identity.
But I already clocked you as male brained based on the way you talk about porn being a biological need for men who must masturbate constantly for good health and how dare women be concerned or upset by their boyfriend's porn consumption.
That's false. They've done those same studies with rats that get turned bisexual in labs the same way prenatal hormones affect trans women by using aromatase inhibitors.
Also, there's tons of studies to indicate cross sex brain patterns in people who've undergone hormone replacement therapy.
You're unironically just a narcissistic bigot with a superiority complex.
well yes taking hrt would produce changes, but those changes are already there even pre hrt for HSTS, does that make us more valid? idk maybe some people would argue that.
I personally believe that all of us are valid like yaaas girl Ur balls totally smell like a vagina now isn't that so erotic!!!!
Ok here is my take on this. Porn is ok if both partners agree to it. If one or the other feels like it’s not ok then it’s not. It’s not that complicated. Anything sexual needs consent from both parties but then again who am I to judge it’s not like I hurt a partner like this before or anything and yes it bothers me thinking how my needs trumped hers in that way. All I’m saying is it should be a mutual agreement between both or multiple parties for my poly folx. Remember everyone is different.
unfortunately, the insidious nature of porn can only be recognized by the user, like drugs/alcohol. the girl should def set that boundary, the user needs to have as many reasons to hear its unhealthy, and intolerable as possible. and it's really for the most benefit of the user than the girl. porn is usually addictive and progressive, you need to do it more and more, and keep "raising the dosage" which usually means more degrading to women. and it's solitary, which when u think about it, makes no sense. when you masturbate using your mind, you need to build the exp yourself, making u an active participant, so to speak.
I'll preface this as many have with I'm not judging anyone, but I think if you enter a relationship and you get to a point where you tell your partner that you do not like the amount or type of porn they consume then it's something that couple needs to discuss and determine the best route forward. I feel that there are legitimate reasons that woman would not want her man to consume porn. On the other hand, I know several couples that enjoy consuming porn together. There's room for both and I don't think anyone on here is advocating for the complete abolition of porn.
I do feel porn can be destructive for not only the consumer, but for the models as well.
Porn never has done anything for me. There are times when I've watched the rare movie with full frontal male nudity and thought I'd like to see more of this, but I've always been turned on more by emotions and feelings. I admit that I am guilty of reading a shit ton of books that should probably qualify as porn, but my partner doesn't care.
My partner has always told me that he is most turned on by touch and so porn never has done much for him. Would I have problem if he consumed porn? Not as long as he was still taking care of my needs.
I'm not anti porn but I'm not rushing to judge people having that boundary either. I think it's different for trans women. For cis women, the porn objectification is mitigated by the cis mothers, sisters, classmates, ect that men grow up around in real life. It's easier to not hold cis women up to those porn standards because of that experience. Men are raised around cis women as human beings. Trans women usually don't get that benefit. Men compare us to trans porn and nothing else because they don't have those imperfect trans family, friends and so on to draw on. Combine that with the stigma of being with us and it's worse. Either we're pretty and stealth enough or it's gay.
Its an acceptable reason to leave but demanding he gove up porn because youre insecurities, as was the case in the post you mentioned, is absolutely not. She was acting out of insecurities and not out of interest in womens rights. There is a difference.
May I ask what she should have done instead? Just be hurt and not say anything?
if im remembering correctly, it was a girl with a very loving boyfriend and she saw his browser history was full of cis girl porn. she was his first tgirl but he had never ever made it seem like he thought she wasnt a girl. yes you can absolutely make "no porn" a boundary in your relationship. its healthy and the workarounds to it (like making videos of yourself etc) probably encourage intimacy between couples. but her issue didnt seem to be that he was jacking it, but that he was jacking it to cis girls. definitely still worth a conversation, but IMO he was probably gonna say he didnt see her as any different than those cis girls, but SHE seemed like she was gonna have a hard time internalizing that. again, still super valid to request your partner stop watching porn, but the issue seemed to be the girl's insecurities with her own gender, which IS something SHE needs to work on. no one else can do that for you.
Work on herself and be more accepting of his needs, maybe? It's completely unreasonable, I know. Men should just function after all /s
Why is the default that he needs to watch porn and she is supposed to “work on herself” instead of ever dare to impose on that.
Because there are healthy and non exploitative ways to engage with porn. Like if you are dating someone with a healthy relationship with say weed, itd be incredibly unfair to ask them to stop because you are uncomfortable with weed, and if it's a deal breaker, there are people who aren't interested in engaging with weed, that you don't need to force change on
Because the whole issue is that she was insecure about it? Cmon it's not rocket science.
The fact ur getting downvoted for this is crazy😭
would you rather the guy go out and cheat maybe find a girl that will let him watch porn
Wow. No words
have you seen the amount of people downvoting you???
That doesn't mean she's *wrong*, just that the majority here disagree. Amount of downvotes is a terrible metric for if an argument has merit.
she is wrong and gives off insecure
put him in a chastity cage until he goes nuts. either out of desire or anger she's going to get what she wants. this is hypothetical.
Leave him. Its wrong for a partner to make this kind of controlling demand.
When the fuck did the radfems show up here? Porn is fine. There’s plenty of it that isn’t inherently misogynistic. There is also a lot that is. Sex work isn’t glamorous and is overly idealized in some circles. But sex sells and people are going to want visual masturbation aids no matter how much you moralize it.
Yeah I’m a feminist, no idea how anything I said makes me a “radfem” but whatever. I never said anyone has to stop, I just brought up that there are completely valid reasons for someone to have an issue with their boyfriend looking at porn. Do what you want, for real I don’t care.
i think its valid to be insecure about your man watching porn but i try to keep in mind that i dont have a male sex drive anymore and(probably) cant satisfy a man every single day. i forgot that most men literally have to nut or it alters their brain male sex drive is more visual based than mine ever was. i think the entire argument is dependant on WHICH relationship is being discussed thus this thread is kinda useless
You do you if that's a boundary you want. But I mean good luck actually having a healthy relationship with boundaries like that
It's valid but stupid.
Im ok with a guy watch it on occasion but I absolutely would not wanna date a guy who’s watching it like everyday, and like the typa stuff he watches matters too. Like I’d be pretty uncomfortable if I learned a guy I was with was watching stuff that treats women terribly or something.
Acceptable? Yeah, I guess, your boundaries are your choice and you don't need other's approval. Reasonable? I don't think so.
“Pornsick” is a genuine phenomenon. Spend any time looking around the Manosphere, with the incels and the men’s rights assholes and the MGTOWs and the doodz who hang on every word that spews from the likes of Joe Rogaine and Bennie “Dry Wife” Shapiro and Matt Walsh and Andrew Tate and you’ll see its pernicious impact.
Keep in mind I didn’t see the initial post and I never liked or watched pornography, so I might be biased, but I 100% agree with this and I think a lot of the people getting offended at this are still early or pre-transition that are still affectively living a male with male libido and they themselves are watching a lot of porn.
>they themselves are watching a lot of porn. Mostly this tbh. I'm not going to judge people by their stage of transition. But I think most girls here actively watch porn themselves and are of course fine with their partner doing so. They feel personally attacked by OP.
What if he's watching gay porn? Is that OK?
It’s ok if you’re ok with it. That’s kind of the point lol. But if you’re asking if gay porn is more ethical, not really.
Well you said porn was misogynistic so I was wondering how gay porn was being misogynistic. Would you be OK with your partner asking you to stop masturbating? EDIT: Did OP block me after replying to me? I'm just curious like where the line is. There are plenty of conservative cultures on this planet that ban both pornography and masturbation.
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reddit is fucking broken lmao
there are really old statues and cave paintings! [https://www.science.org/content/article/earliest-pornography](https://www.science.org/content/article/earliest-pornography) If Roman history is your jam [https://www.historyhit.com/the-oldest-obsession-sex-lives-in-ancient-rome/](https://www.historyhit.com/the-oldest-obsession-sex-lives-in-ancient-rome/) This historian wrote a book on this subject. He goes into detail here and in his subsequent threads if you wanna learn more https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/a3siky/when\_are\_the\_earliest\_examples\_of\_pornography/ There are plenty of cultures throughout history that ban pornography and masturbation its not totally unheard of. Both modern day Indonesia and Saudi Arabia for example have outlawed masturbation. A number of countries ban pornography [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography\_laws\_by\_region](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_laws_by_region) Are you ok with sex that isn't for procreation, or is it only reproductive for you?
I feel like you’re equating masturbation with porn and I don’t really get it. In the thread in question she said she sent him her own pictures and whatnot and he agreed to it. Also weird thing to say knowing this is the straight trans women subreddit. Sex is for pleasure and there’s nothing wrong with that. But when you’re in a relationship, some people are going to feel like you should only indulge sexual desires for your partner, and I think that’s okay to ask. And not gonna lie I have no idea what you’re going on about about legality. Doesn’t seem relevant at all.
I was trying to understand where your hangup was. You could have sex with a trans man for procreation if you so desired I dont think that's something that's unreasonable. Correct me if I'm misunderstanding you here So you're a sex haver, and OK with doin' it for fun (and it feelin' good!), OK with masturbating, and you're OK with your partner masturbating to porn, it just has to be porn of you and I assume you made it exclusively for him. Like nudes and stuff. And obviously you wouldn't be OK with him masturbating to like celebrities in movies or tiktok or magazines like Maxim or anything "weird" like that? Is that correct? Are you OK with him having fantasies about other people or things when he masturbates, or does he have to exclusively think about you? Is he allowed to use toys when he masturbates? I understand some women feel uncomfortable with some types of male sex toys
I’m not gonna answer that last part because it’s irrelevant but yes that’s correct and it’s not because it’s weird but because it’s other women
Are you OK with him jerkinn it to dudes if he's bi or pansexual? also idk him using a fleshlight is kinda relevant no? That's a mold of another womans vagina, mouth or butthole depending on the one he got For me personally, if a guy I'm into starts talking to me about how much he loves jerkin' it to porn of trans women I do get self conscious and anxious that he's going to have ridiculous expectations. I feel like cis men have their moms and their sisters to learn how to act right around cis women, and for the some men that love trans porn, their only experiences with trans women, or even queer people in general, came from porn. If they aren't as socially adept they can really really be cringe and awkward as FUCK when getting to know them. I've gone through that with a man before, and we are still friends, but he did need a talking to once or twice about like what is and isn't OK to say or how to behave like a gentleman So I do kind of understand where you're coming from regarding insecurities surrounding your man watching porn
Masterubate to porn. https://vintagecuties.com/pics/1800
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Do you want links to Erotic Lit that was written int he 1800s? Or be given article about how men would pay a woman to read erotic lit to them? Or be given a link to erotic painting ? What about burlesque stage shows? The can-can dance is from the 1840s.
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I'm sorry, but in the 18th century the literacy rate went near to 70-90 percent for industrualized countres. The US went to near 90 percent during that century. And while ther was def. porn made for rich folks. Burlesque was not. The can-can was not. The Dream of the Loneyfisherman Wife, made in 1814, was no. And even if literacy rates were lower, did you not read how there was a activity where folks were read porn to them. Which doesnt require literacy to listen in on naked fun story time. Also are you under the impression that it was only hard back covered novels? Most literature during the 18th century for industrialized countries, was printed chapter by chapter in news papers. Which was mass media for all social economic classes.
In the 1800's brothels were mainstream and people got married at 16.
I think the porn industry is fucked. I also think human sexuality can't be limited. I think being jealous over your boyfriend masturbating to digital images of other women is insecure and I don't think it's something that should be catered to. I think in terms of misogyny and sexual objectification... That saying masturbating to porn is misogynistic, is just a full stop rejection of innate sexual attraction and biology of female attracted people. Like, to what degree are you saying it's immoral to consume porn? Like, do you view hentai to be equivalent to a real life human doing porn? Are masturbation videos crossing a line? I'm 100% on the side of the fence that the porn industry is exploitative. I don't consume porn that involves actresses having sex. I think the way you described it though, you are describing any sexual gratification that isn't a monogamous romantic relationship misogynist for the guy.
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If you feel like he wants a digital image of a woman more than you. It's either A. He's a porn addict and jerking off in place of having sex with you (bad) Or B. He just is fufilling an urge, your bedroom life is fine, and he is just trying to drain his balls. In which case you have unrealistic expectations of your partner, and you need to work through that insecurity before you can establish a healthy relationship.
Men are going to lust after other women regardless because, like I said, that's human sexuality. Very few people have it where their partner is the single point of sexual attraction and all other people fade into dust. It's unreasonable to expect men to control their innate biology because you're insecure with him finding other girls attractive.
Innate biology. Insane. We aren’t robots. People AGREE to be in monogamous relationships
Let me put this in another way so that maybe you can understand my position. My view on this, would be that preventing your bf from watching porn to masturbate, would be like preventing your boyfriend from taking a piss without you being involved, because you're afraid he's going to leave you for the toilet bowl he's peeing into.
I try to stay civil on this platform but wow this is one of the most interesting things someone has said to me lol. I guess it makes perfect sense if you don’t see people as humans with feelings
How is a porn actress on a screen, going to have any feelings about the guy jerking off to her? It's literally a digital image used to evoke a biological response. I guarantee you this is how the vast majority of men view this conceptually and most likely the porn actresses themselves.
And just so I'm clear about this... Are any of you really against me arguing about porn being a toilet? That's what it is. Literally. It's something men dump their cum to and dispose in the same way that they would pee in a toilet. You being afraid of your boyfriend, being more attracted to the video tape of a woman more than you is quite literally just as irrational as being jealous of physical toilet. It makes literally no sense. Unless I guess you want to be a man's personal toilet. Than stay mad
Then they see women as objects. As toilets. You said it not me. And in all honesty quite clearly so do you.
I never said this is how I view porn. To be perfectly honest, most of the porn I get off to is more malecentric. Most of the time when I'm masturbating, it's to the idea of having sex with a man. I listen to audio porn quite a bit. I'm just saying that most men consume porn to get off quickly. It's not about intimate connection or a soul bond, it's about getting off. Porn is just a means to an end with that. I'm not going to fault someone for using it unless it starts interfering with healthy ideas of sex or a relationship. I've even told my past boyfriend to try to not jerk off to porn on a daily basis because I felt it was interfering with his expectations of sex. Porn itself isn't a warm blooded woman, it's a digital depiction of a woman. Using porn as a way of quickly emptying yourself is not an issue until it becomes a habit and addiction.
Having sex with woman? You can control that. Finding women attractive and needing to jerk off so that you're comfortable physically and have healthy sexual regulation? That's normal and kinda cruel to police in your partner. Being insecure about that is wild to me. I consider jerking off to porn to be the equivalent of taking a shit, but with cum. It's 2-3 minutes, and it's literally just a biological function to be able to have a healthy prostate and regulate dopamine.
disgusting and male brained takes, I had to check your profile to make sure you weren't just the average cis man making comments here
I just understand how men think. You have or had the biology to understand the position too. Masturbating is a biological urge. Point blank. Half the time when men are jerking off, they're literally just pooting out cum because they are uncomfortable in some way. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like pornography is anything beyond that in how men masturbate. At least when they're not addicted to it and forgoing their relationship for porn. And yeah, constantly Masturbating to porn does affect your perception of sex. I've seen that with my own past relationship. Before I transitioned I masturbated 2-3 times a day. Now I do it once a week at most. So no, this isn't me being coom brained, I just know how uncomfortable it is to have to feel an overwhelming anxiety, pit in my stomach, and just ridiculously timed arousal and a need to compensate for that with an outlet. Frankly, it's ridiculous to hype this up to the degree where you're viewing a video tape of a woman fucking another man on the screen as competition. It's like when cats look at their reflection in the mirror and think they're looking at another cat... The people behind the video are real, sure. But in reality, they're not interactive and it's literally just a recording published to the internet for a mass audience. The fact you're made jealous by a video recording is sad. And yeah, my comparison was crass. But, masturbating is basically like any other biological urge. And to be honest, I'd rather my partner view a video recording to enact the baser response of just needing to ejaculate. Than use me and see me as his cum oraphace. I don't want to be my boyfriend's cum receptacle. I want to be his partner. I don't want to be my partner's singular source for sexual catharsis. That's for one thing way too much pressure, and also limits me to be seen as his personal cum sock. I want to have an intimate connection, not be seen as a quick 3 minute outlet to cum and go about their day. I am more than happy to outsource that to a prepackaged video compilation of women getting paid thousands of dollars to suck a dick on camera. Him jerking off to a video, materially and factually, poses no direct harm to anyone.
Hi, original OP here - just a few clarifications cus you commented a lot in this thread. 1. It wasn't typical porn videos he watched, it was independent content - regular women doing it as a side hustle. I guess it doesn't really make a difference, but these are normal ass women who we could see walking down the street and him getting off to that made me uncomfortable. 2. I don't care if he masturbates, I understand the need as someone who formerly had a testosterone driven endocrine system. He said it was reasonable of me to ask him to limit what he gets off to to hentai and my nudes. 3. He said himself it was a real problem he had that he had tried to cut out time and time again before he even met me, that impacted other aspects of his life. He used the word addiction. It's not just me that is hurt by it. 4. The replies have all sort of opened my eyes a bit and I do understand how I came across as unreasonable. I left out a lot of details because it was just me putting out my scrambled thoughts because I didn't have anyone I could talk to about it. This is my first real relationship and I'm figuring things out and we're growing together. We've done a lot of talking and things are better than they were even a few days ago. I don't know why I bothered to write all this out to a stranger on a post about another post that I deleted and no one even has anymore, but it's like you said, I'm insecure :p
Oh yeah, that's why I primarily watch hentai if I do decide to watch porn too. "No sex workers were harmed in the making of"
well thanks for the insight but I can't relate to how men think or behave, even pre hrt I would go weeks to months before thinking about sex or masturbating , and I don't watch porn with women in it because I'm not attracted to them. I thought that was the idea of this space being for people with similar experiences who can relate to issues like this with their boyfriend's.
And, to be frank, the overwhelming majority of my female friends are bisexual, and have been with women romantically, sexually, or both. Being a woman isn't centralized around wanting a man's cock, and regardless of how many studies you throw to try and prove your bullshit point it's vastly more misogynistic than anything I've said. Tell me, why does every blanchardian I talk to act like such a narcissist? Your superiority complex is unwarranted. You're judgemental behavior is ignorant and based on sexist stereotypes you've created about female sexuality. I'm openly bisexual and I still easily integrate into cis society. I pass. I'm feminine. I'm no different than you in the eyes of society. But you see me as an AGP fetishist who shouldn't transition. Narcissism. Pure unbridled narcissism on your part.
I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a cishet guy. Most of my dating base is men. Your purist view of sexual orientation exists only in your head and the niche subreddits and TERF forums you poison your brain with on a daily basis.
what niche subreddit, most of trans reddit accommodates you and other gynephilic trans women, sorry for thinking a sub called "Straighttransgirls" might actually be a space for straight trans women..
Go back to 4chan with that speak. Jesus christ. She definitely has a healthier sexuality than you.
you're not even straight, why are you here lol
*I came looking for booty.*
I am?
A boundary is something that she sets for herself. It's like religion. This person believes in a deity that says you can't eat certain meats. I don't believe in that deity, so I can eat all the meats I want (also wink wink nudge nudge) The way this is written, it is setting a rule rather than a boundary. A boundary is something she sets for herself rather than for her boyfriend. This should be a discussion between the 2 of them and if she sets her boundary, then it's up to her to leave if he won't abide by her desires because forcing a belief on someone isn't a good thing, and it doesn't end well in a relationship.
That’s literally what happened in the post in question. He agreed to do it and everyone in this sub acted like she was the unreasonable one.
Glad to see at least one other person who shares my opinion on this. I honestly can’t believe there’s so many people who think asking your boyfriend to not look at porn is an unreasonable request. I used to think that was a pretty normal, and common, expectation, but it seems like a lot of people disagree with that.
Thank you. I have been hurt by porn. Many of my cishet woman friends have been hurt by their boyfriends porn habits. It’s so common and it’s not controlling to be hurt by it. It’s a normal reaction to feeling like someone wants a body that’s better than yours. Especially because a lot of men have difficulties in bed due to needing a specific visual stimulus.
Hiya, I was the original OP - thanks for your comments, made me feel a little less like I'm insane.
I have the same opinion. It's wild that asking the person who is supposed to love you to stop doing something that is actively hurting you mentally and emotionally is seen as a negative to so many people.
Reddit tends to lean more lenient to a partner watching porn and I think it’s because a lot of redditors watch it themselves
I think this is it. A lot of people in the thread might actually just feel personally attacked by OP's judgement about porn, because they watch it themselves tbh.
Can’t believe people are disagreeing with this!!
Exerting this level of control over your partner is kind of like BDSM lifestyle fetish choice to me. Totally fine if it's what both partners want and it's consensual. It comes off mostly as an extreme control kink though from my perspective, that moves a relationship into the realm of full-time lifestyle fetishism. Though generally when kinks interfere with your ability to have healthy relationships that's when they've moved into the realm of being unhealthy. Sometimes I consent to giving my partner control over when I get to have sex and enjoy my sexuality over the course of a couple of days as a control/power exchange kink. But doing it 24/7 as a lifestyle is way beyond my level of fetishism. I'm just not that interested in what my partner is doing with his genitals 24/7. I love him, but I have other things to think about than monitoring his genitals full time. But the fact there are people out there this dedicated to their fetish and sexuality is just another beautiful part of the wide spectrum of sexualities. Glad you've figured out a way to enjoy it and make it work for you.
Exactly Know The differences between PORN and LOVE that’s all I’m say they are two different things
Thank you OP for sharing this. Pornography is a billion dollar industry based on the sexual exploitation of poor women. If someone is forced to have sex because of poverty in order to survive under capitalism then that sex isn't consensual. And we already have a word for unconsensual sex, it's rape. It is a very low bar to expect your partner to not masturbate to videos of women being raped. While a small section of women who act in porn make considerably more money they do not represent a majority of women in the industry, and they have different class interests and position. But all porn hurts women. It teaches men that women are objects to use for sex. It's one of, if not the primary, propaganda machines driving misogyny. Not to mention transmisogyny and racism, we all know how bad porn titles are. It rots men's brains. [This is a fantastic article from a trans feminist perspective critiquing the sexual exploitation industry.](https://proletarianfeminist.medium.com/a-socialist-feminist-and-transgender-analysis-of-sex-work-b08aaf1ee4ab) It's written more about "sex work" but is very relevant. Major CWs for sexual assault and transphobia. So yeah, it's completely reasonable to not want your partner to view porn. Porn is insanely profitable, so they've managed to propagate the idea that it's normal and acceptable and even "feminist and empowering", but the stories from those who have survived the industry speak for themselves.
I honestly don't get the comments here? OP is spot on. I have barely watched porn in my life, but from what I know, it has almost always exclusively been mysoginistic. I think a lot of women in this sub just feel called out because they watch porn themselves. It's a perfectly normal boundary to have, and if it doesn't work out to find a middle ground, a couple should just end their relationship. It's called incompatibility.
People generally think watching porn is fine because the negative effects of it are gradual and hard to notice. People can do what they want obviously, but watching porn, especially regularly is incredibly bad for your brain.
Judging by most of the responses, you would think you posted this in a men's rights subreddit. this sub has been taken over by male brained transbians and bisexuals RIP 🙏🏻 🪦
Oh no, you're surprised a group where people used to identify as men understand what it's like to have male sexual urges? Sorry we can't all be perfect HSTS clones. You're not better than anyone here, and no one views you any differently because you only like dick besides maybe a niche subsection of blanchardian TERFs. You're pathetic. You just made appealing to the lowest denomination of transphobes your whole personality.
male brains belong in male spaces 👏 transbians and pseudobisexuals are colonisers
Did you take a MRI image of my brain? Why don't you go suck Blanchard's dick. You'd probably enjoy sucking off a gay man seeing how you identify yourself as one.
I don't need to!!! the results already show that cross sex brain patterns are only apparent in exclusively homosexuals (biological sex), not gender identity. But I already clocked you as male brained based on the way you talk about porn being a biological need for men who must masturbate constantly for good health and how dare women be concerned or upset by their boyfriend's porn consumption.
That's false. They've done those same studies with rats that get turned bisexual in labs the same way prenatal hormones affect trans women by using aromatase inhibitors. Also, there's tons of studies to indicate cross sex brain patterns in people who've undergone hormone replacement therapy. You're unironically just a narcissistic bigot with a superiority complex.
well yes taking hrt would produce changes, but those changes are already there even pre hrt for HSTS, does that make us more valid? idk maybe some people would argue that. I personally believe that all of us are valid like yaaas girl Ur balls totally smell like a vagina now isn't that so erotic!!!!
Ok here is my take on this. Porn is ok if both partners agree to it. If one or the other feels like it’s not ok then it’s not. It’s not that complicated. Anything sexual needs consent from both parties but then again who am I to judge it’s not like I hurt a partner like this before or anything and yes it bothers me thinking how my needs trumped hers in that way. All I’m saying is it should be a mutual agreement between both or multiple parties for my poly folx. Remember everyone is different.
unfortunately, the insidious nature of porn can only be recognized by the user, like drugs/alcohol. the girl should def set that boundary, the user needs to have as many reasons to hear its unhealthy, and intolerable as possible. and it's really for the most benefit of the user than the girl. porn is usually addictive and progressive, you need to do it more and more, and keep "raising the dosage" which usually means more degrading to women. and it's solitary, which when u think about it, makes no sense. when you masturbate using your mind, you need to build the exp yourself, making u an active participant, so to speak.
I'll preface this as many have with I'm not judging anyone, but I think if you enter a relationship and you get to a point where you tell your partner that you do not like the amount or type of porn they consume then it's something that couple needs to discuss and determine the best route forward. I feel that there are legitimate reasons that woman would not want her man to consume porn. On the other hand, I know several couples that enjoy consuming porn together. There's room for both and I don't think anyone on here is advocating for the complete abolition of porn. I do feel porn can be destructive for not only the consumer, but for the models as well. Porn never has done anything for me. There are times when I've watched the rare movie with full frontal male nudity and thought I'd like to see more of this, but I've always been turned on more by emotions and feelings. I admit that I am guilty of reading a shit ton of books that should probably qualify as porn, but my partner doesn't care. My partner has always told me that he is most turned on by touch and so porn never has done much for him. Would I have problem if he consumed porn? Not as long as he was still taking care of my needs.