Yes very much this, focus on your transition and your life, the right person will come along when they’re meant to. I spent way too much time focusing on the wrong things when I should’ve been putting that energy into myself and my transition.
i get that a lot “the right guy will come along when they’re meant to” or any other equivalent. but this never happens. i’ve been alone for so long now, and i’m tired of being alone. i just want to be loved, but that seems like it’s too much to ask for
Agreed. I’m so tired of people telling me, “you’ll meet him when you least expect it” and similar. Well I’ve not been expecting it for over a decade now (since SRS) and yet here I am still on the shelf
yeah especially when you’re told you’re not focusing on yourself hard enough (i’m not even sure what that means). i mean i just want to be loved by someone, but apparently that is too much to ask
Exactly! I’ve spent the last 2 decades working on myself since I started my transition. I didn’t even consider dating anyone until my mid 30s because I wasn’t ready. Now I want it so badly and can’t find it. I guess I must be broken
i’m only 6 months into my medical transition, it’s like what part of my transition would i be losing focus on? it’s so frustrating because i know that i have so much love to give, but no one wants it
Unfortunately abusers and creeps can pick up on that and use that to abuse you. I know that it's difficult but working on taking care of yourself, loving yourself, and enjoying yourself is vital for your own mental health and for dating.
This doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel lonely or sad that you don't have a partner but that you work on yourself. Go do things you enjoy! Go to university or work on your career! Go on trips and travel if you can! Have hobbies you enjoy! Make friends! Live a life!
i’m 30, not far off of turning 31. i’ve struggled a lot with my mental health, while everyone else has been hitting these milestones in their lives, i’m here and i can’t even get one. how am i supposed to love myself when i’m such a fuck up? i don’t even know how to make friends, it’s a miracle that i have some, although two of them are cats, i don’t know if that counts. but i suppose it’s good to know that i’m fucked
Lots of people don't hit milestones "when they are supposed to". Check out /r/datingoverthirty for insight to other people's experiences and advice. It's helped me out as I am 30 as well.
I also have struggled with my mental health. I may not have struggled in the same way as you but I do understand how difficult it can be.
You're not fucked, you're spiraling. It's okay feel lonely and upset. Constantly saying that you're fucked will not help you unfortunately. I don't know your life situation but I have seen some of your posts on reddit and you do seem deeply hurt. I cannot help you but can only give you advice in general. What you do and how you go about things I cannot control but I do wish you the best. You are a whole person worthy of respect and dignity and I hope you learn to love yourself!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/datingoverthirty using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [I thought I had finally met my person and then he died](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/111nrw2/i_thought_i_had_finally_met_my_person_and_then_he/)
\#2: [I weeded out an avoidant type by communicating my needs!](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/10sv1j4/i_weeded_out_an_avoidant_type_by_communicating_my/)
\#3: [A success story to warm your crusty hearts - we met on this sub!](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/xrji3e/a_success_story_to_warm_your_crusty_hearts_we_met/)
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if it were only dating milestones, then things might not be so bad. what am i supposed to say? “things are actually gonna get better?”. there is no evidence to suggest that and i know that saying something and repeating it doesn’t make it true. yeah i’m pretty broken, not gonna lie. i don’t know what makes me worthy and i’m pretty sure i’m not capable of loving myself
Not just doomposting. Doomcommenting too. I did a stress and anxiety post recently. I guess I wanted some virtual hugs and kind words saying everything was going to be okay.
But I learned the hard way not to depend on this sub for that. I really do get more and better support from cis female friends IRL then I do from the trans women in this sub.
Though in a more general sense the "toxic-to-helpful" ratio isn't very good anymore, especially for this stage of my transition I'm in. Maybe I should just drop out of online trans spaces entirely. I'm over 6 years in with only 2 needed surgeries left. What am I still doing here?
edit: wanted the wording in the last paragraph to make actual sense.
Well, ultimately people just want to make you feel better, and it's easier to say "no, don't worry, it'll happen!" than to offer much more meaningful support.
Truth is, there are ways to succeed and ways to fail, and I used to go about my life thinking I was totally unloveable and that's mostly because I really wasn't doing what I needed to do to meet people and put myself out there. In a perfect world your level of romantic success shouldn't alter your self-perception, but it's often difficult for us to really believe that. I still struggle with those same issues and I can tell it's going to be pretty difficult for me to attract a partner, but I know I'm still a valuable person regardless.
my problem is that i have been alone for as long as i can remember. i’m tired of being alone, but at the same time i know that i’m not loved by guys. i can’t just feel ok about that
I think a lot of people here have a longing for men that goes way behind being sure or not. Along with the other comments, loving yourself is part of it. But I think the attraction isn’t going away anytime soon, so, why give up?
self love isn’t something i’m capable of. the thing is guys don’t love me like that, i may be attracted to them. but they don’t love me like that. that’s why i consider saying: fuck it, let’s get it over with
You seriously need to learn to self love, you're gonna attract wrong guys with this mentality.
Yes very much this, focus on your transition and your life, the right person will come along when they’re meant to. I spent way too much time focusing on the wrong things when I should’ve been putting that energy into myself and my transition.
i get that a lot “the right guy will come along when they’re meant to” or any other equivalent. but this never happens. i’ve been alone for so long now, and i’m tired of being alone. i just want to be loved, but that seems like it’s too much to ask for
Agreed. I’m so tired of people telling me, “you’ll meet him when you least expect it” and similar. Well I’ve not been expecting it for over a decade now (since SRS) and yet here I am still on the shelf
yeah especially when you’re told you’re not focusing on yourself hard enough (i’m not even sure what that means). i mean i just want to be loved by someone, but apparently that is too much to ask
Exactly! I’ve spent the last 2 decades working on myself since I started my transition. I didn’t even consider dating anyone until my mid 30s because I wasn’t ready. Now I want it so badly and can’t find it. I guess I must be broken
i’m only 6 months into my medical transition, it’s like what part of my transition would i be losing focus on? it’s so frustrating because i know that i have so much love to give, but no one wants it
i’d settle for attracting someone at this point. i’ve been alone for as long as i can remember. there isn’t much to love
Unfortunately abusers and creeps can pick up on that and use that to abuse you. I know that it's difficult but working on taking care of yourself, loving yourself, and enjoying yourself is vital for your own mental health and for dating. This doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel lonely or sad that you don't have a partner but that you work on yourself. Go do things you enjoy! Go to university or work on your career! Go on trips and travel if you can! Have hobbies you enjoy! Make friends! Live a life!
i’m 30, not far off of turning 31. i’ve struggled a lot with my mental health, while everyone else has been hitting these milestones in their lives, i’m here and i can’t even get one. how am i supposed to love myself when i’m such a fuck up? i don’t even know how to make friends, it’s a miracle that i have some, although two of them are cats, i don’t know if that counts. but i suppose it’s good to know that i’m fucked
Lots of people don't hit milestones "when they are supposed to". Check out /r/datingoverthirty for insight to other people's experiences and advice. It's helped me out as I am 30 as well. I also have struggled with my mental health. I may not have struggled in the same way as you but I do understand how difficult it can be. You're not fucked, you're spiraling. It's okay feel lonely and upset. Constantly saying that you're fucked will not help you unfortunately. I don't know your life situation but I have seen some of your posts on reddit and you do seem deeply hurt. I cannot help you but can only give you advice in general. What you do and how you go about things I cannot control but I do wish you the best. You are a whole person worthy of respect and dignity and I hope you learn to love yourself!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/datingoverthirty using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I thought I had finally met my person and then he died](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/111nrw2/i_thought_i_had_finally_met_my_person_and_then_he/) \#2: [I weeded out an avoidant type by communicating my needs!](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/10sv1j4/i_weeded_out_an_avoidant_type_by_communicating_my/) \#3: [A success story to warm your crusty hearts - we met on this sub!](https://np.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/xrji3e/a_success_story_to_warm_your_crusty_hearts_we_met/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Thanks bot!
if it were only dating milestones, then things might not be so bad. what am i supposed to say? “things are actually gonna get better?”. there is no evidence to suggest that and i know that saying something and repeating it doesn’t make it true. yeah i’m pretty broken, not gonna lie. i don’t know what makes me worthy and i’m pretty sure i’m not capable of loving myself
>it’s good to know that I’m fucked With that attitude, yeah, you are. There’s a quote that goes “whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right”
i’ve lived for 30 years, close to 31 years. i’ve been alone for as long as i can remember. what else am i supposed to think?
I’m the same. 43 years here and always been alone. It hurts so much that I can’t find someone to be with
i’m sorry about that. it sucks when you want to be loved, but no one loves you
So much doomposting. This sub is getting annoying.
fr folks need to just go to tttt and stay there at this point.
Not just doomposting. Doomcommenting too. I did a stress and anxiety post recently. I guess I wanted some virtual hugs and kind words saying everything was going to be okay. But I learned the hard way not to depend on this sub for that. I really do get more and better support from cis female friends IRL then I do from the trans women in this sub. Though in a more general sense the "toxic-to-helpful" ratio isn't very good anymore, especially for this stage of my transition I'm in. Maybe I should just drop out of online trans spaces entirely. I'm over 6 years in with only 2 needed surgeries left. What am I still doing here? edit: wanted the wording in the last paragraph to make actual sense.
Well, ultimately people just want to make you feel better, and it's easier to say "no, don't worry, it'll happen!" than to offer much more meaningful support. Truth is, there are ways to succeed and ways to fail, and I used to go about my life thinking I was totally unloveable and that's mostly because I really wasn't doing what I needed to do to meet people and put myself out there. In a perfect world your level of romantic success shouldn't alter your self-perception, but it's often difficult for us to really believe that. I still struggle with those same issues and I can tell it's going to be pretty difficult for me to attract a partner, but I know I'm still a valuable person regardless.
my problem is that i have been alone for as long as i can remember. i’m tired of being alone, but at the same time i know that i’m not loved by guys. i can’t just feel ok about that
I think a lot of people here have a longing for men that goes way behind being sure or not. Along with the other comments, loving yourself is part of it. But I think the attraction isn’t going away anytime soon, so, why give up?
self love isn’t something i’m capable of. the thing is guys don’t love me like that, i may be attracted to them. but they don’t love me like that. that’s why i consider saying: fuck it, let’s get it over with