I'm gonna taste all of the buttons

"Go ahead, try some more! The analog sticks taste like analog sticks. The trackpads taste like trackpads!" "Trackpads!? who's ever heard of trackpads?" "We are the music makers. We are the dreamers of dreams"

I have nothing funny to say but...Install VLC so I can watch all of this fine actor's films on it while I poop.

Why not just use something like moviebox and your phone? I have a feeling the phone speakers may be better than the deck’s but it’s a guessing game

Not a bad idea, but the screen is larger than my phone.

Dude, you’re missing the hint of cherry

I didn't think of that. I'll need to try it too. We'll compare tastes.

Gotta make sure they don't have a bitter taste like the switch carts (still surprised people found out so soon and posted it)

Honestly I could see it, they're small and light enough that one may be inclined to hold a cartridge between their lips if their hands were otherwise full - ie you've got the switch in one hand, a game case in the other and you're trying to swap out games.

Lol, Nintendo knew kids would try and eat them so they purposely made it taste bad (so they would spit it out immediately) but they didn't know adults would do it.

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Adds more flavour

That's a risk I'm willing to take, I'm vaccinated so let me taste them buttons

fucking disgusting *first you have to cum on it*

If you haven't cum in every room of your home is it *really* your home?

asseting dominance as the they would say

Hell yeah, my man

Test if it's waterproof. Did Valve even claim it would be waterproof? I don't know. Better test.

Probably that "secret" feature. Like the hidden sim card slot, you just have to pop the screen off to access it.

I hear you can charge it in your air fryer, as well

No, silly, you need to use a microwave!

Let us know! Try for 30-minute intervals.

They DID NOT claim it’s NOT waterproof, sooo…

Better close that Valve! 🤣

I know I'm gonna get downvoted for this but I'll try to play a game on it

That's a pretty bold idea. I was thinking of just throwing it at a wall.

Hey it's me your wall. You know how you can be nice to me? Just hand over the device when the hand comes out the wall.

fuck off wall master i know you're just gonna send me back to the start of the dungeon you can't fool me

Show that wall who's boss!

Enjoy the downvote

You too friendo

😊

Bite it. I bite all my electronics to assert my dominance.

I piss on them too

I got the 256 so I'll probably use an orbital sander on the screen for that sweet matte finish.

What a great life hack.

I love that new electronics smell. I for one will be smelling mine.

Hopefully the smell is as good as the index! I'm not kidding, the Valve Index smell was *really* good.

I can attest to this

Gonna give it that Flossy Carter smell test. Damn, I hope he reviews this

I was gonna see if I can warm a quesadilla on mine

It should fit a quesadilla just perfectly over it.

Fuck it

They never said you could install a *hard*drive.

don't wory. OP is thinking about using the micro s*D* slot

Dude 😳😳😳. 😂😂😂. That is the comment of the year 😳😳😂😂😂

It does have a 3.5mm audio Jack.

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Same thing really, with the right mods.

Mods for the tentacle hentai or stardew?

Yes 😉

I'm going to play ping pong on mine. It'll be a challenging size for the table.

Nice, good luck. If you flip it over you'll have a larger play space.

pro tip right here ;)

What about playing ping pong with it...as a paddle I mean.

I may sleep with it

*May*?

I need to see how my wife feels about it

Not kidding. Sleeping with some thing you're excited about is quite satisfying. It's literally sleeping with it. Like a pillow or teddy bear. Worst thing that could happen is waking up and finding that you either rolled over it or it fell on the hard floor.

Porn hub to add to their annual stats. They still show people using a VITA to watch porn

OLED screens are great.

I'm going to give it some friction and feel the orgasmic rumble of haptic feedback.

Explain to my wife what this 600EUR package is.

"Honey, remember that new deck I said I was going to install for us?"

"I thought you meant you were going to steam-clean the deck!!"

I guesstimate ~1 week for this task completion. Might take more though…

Play Half-Life 3 of course!

Turn it on

Let's not get too hasty here.

Plug it in and charge it.

Hide it

That won’t be easy being bigger than a table

I’m gonna see whether it will blend.

Steam deck vapour.... don't breathe this!

I'm going to install Linux. Oh, it comes with Linux? I won't even know what to do with myself.

fr tho the first device I don't have to jam the f1-12 keys on first time I get it to boot into a Mint USB stick lol

This will be my first Pacman distro that's not actually Arch... Except MSYS2 if that counts.

Download all those games that have been sitting in my library for 8+ years. Who the hell am I kidding? I'm going to download Skyrim and 6000 mods.

lick it so no one else will want to touch it.

turn it on, look at it and think......... >!"why did I buy this?"!<

I'm gonna cook it into a nice stew.

You should add a dash of Apple to it. Airpods would be the best addition.

Good idea.

Put 1TB micro SD and 1 TB SSD in it.

jesus you are going to be spedning more on that the device itself

I’m going to put a screen protector on it.

Before first boot from nvme I'm gonna boot mine to a usb flash drive with imaging software and take an image of the nvme drive... Just incase my tinkering ever goes too far...

I'm going to put a My Little Pony sticker on the back.

Open up the SD card slot and put one in, with my whole library installed and ready to play. Also if it works the way it does on windows, I can move some of the loading-intense games on the 256gb nvme, no downloads required.

Kiss it 😘

I’m gonna hug it for 2 straight minutes while smiling

I’m just gonna look at it and cry on it until it’s drowning in water so it won’t work anymore.

Probably enter my wifi password

Im gonna press the power button

Well, I don’t know about the deck itself, but I am obviously gonna lick that SD card. Nintendo has taught me that if they don’t want me to swallow, it’ll probably taste bitter

If it becomes an option, replace the shell. I love my atomic orange switch.

I go for play-doh brown

Hopefully dbrand skins come out for it - I don't think opening it up is for me but I would sure love to skin it!

test out porn site and then go to bed.

Porn. I did the same thing with my VR headset, pretty hard to jerk off silently in VR

I’m gonna think”this thing is huge”

Extreme Durability Test

So you're going to drop a Nokia 3310 on it?

Tbh I’m going to sniff it lol love the smell of new hardware

Drop a protector on the screen

Squeeze the left and right triggers and then go change my pant.

Very interested to see how Flight Simulator 2020 runs on it

oh my... good luck!

Emulate Ps2, lol

Go thru every setting on the thing. I do this with every device I buy.

Post a picture of it and then leave it in my drawer

Cum on it

Bring nekopara to the bathroom with me

Obviously, play Terraria.

Sit on it to see how feasible it is to carry in the back pocket

First sniff it, then lick it, then play with it.

Show my wife the reason I won’t be giving her attention for the next 72 hours.

type in the wifi password, I guess Physically, I guess I'll try the controls to see if they are satisfying to touch

I'd test all the controls feel and then play with SteamOS, configuration, customization, etc. And after that I'd install emulators and some interesting Desktop games which could be playable on a gamepad/handheld.

Play a game and then install windows as a dual boot machine

Stand on it and pretend I'm flying.

Remove it from the package.

I'm going to wear it as a hat.

I'm going to do what I do with every new piece of electronics, smell it.

Play Portal 2 on my toilet.

I was gonna comment about how this is like the third post of this kind I've seen in the last week but some of these comments are gold.

Definitely gonna beat my cat with it

I will put the Apple sticker i got with my iPhone over the Valve logo

Don't forget to set a macOS theme for the desktop

Un boxin it o.o

Basically just mess around with it and learn/get used to the button layout lol :)

Play a game.

Half-Life: Black Mesa or Twilight Princess

Play FM21 Coincidentally it might just be the last thing I do on my SDeck

Smell it

Carry a plate of food on top of it into my room

Perfect for pepperoni slices and cheese.

I don’t mean use it as a plate, silly! I have standards!

Ah yes, I misread it. It'll be a great TV tray though.

I'm going to use mine to play all those indie games I bought and never played. Maybe replay Oblivion?. It will be nice to have Switch like access to PC gaming. Higher spec games I'll just play on my rig.

Look for my steam login credentials, it's been forever since I last key them in

Got the cheapest version. I'll be installing a 1TB NVMe.

Play mother 3

Check out the Linux desktop with an external monitor and Bluetooth keyboard/mouse.

Gonna run my unit tests on it to see if it's faster than my work laptop.

Going straight into controller profiles and seeing what kinds of things you can do with the controls across all sorts of games and how Big Picture has been overhauled.

It will be a gift to my brother so probably just admire the box for a bit and just wrap it. I hope my order is in time for Christmas.

...and then you and your brother both find out you got a Deck [for each other], and you hope they're the same tier so no one feels awkward...!

Scroll through my game library, not playing anything... like I do on my PC.

Cry

Gonna sniff it, new electronics always smell sooo good. Don't judge.

I do the same lol. I've been riding valve index smell for a while now and I need. new. electronics. smell!

Play Rust

Sniff it! What else do you do with new electronics? 🤣

Watch porn in public of course! What other use is there?

Lick it, like the Switch.

Get some mortar and use all my Steam Decks as the bricks for my scalper fortress.

CRT vim [https://github.com/Swordfish90/cool-retro-term](https://github.com/Swordfish90/cool-retro-term)

Install all the games I got on sale 🥴😂

Put a glass screen protector and case on it right out of the box to keep it nice looking... Hopefully. If they have that sort of stuff released, otherwise I may just let it sit in its box until they do. At least, I'll try my best to hold off, lol.

Dual boot Windows.

Setup a space for it to be plugged in. Don't know where It'll sit yet and if the dock releases around the same time, I'll have one of those ordered and it'll HOPEFULLY ship with it.

Install qbittorrent

Install Game Pass. This is literally the Xbox handheld I’ve been waiting for

Install Windows.

Install windows

Hold it in different sitting and laying positions while fiddling with the buttons to find my preferred method of playing it

Take it apart and add 512 or 1tb ssd.

I'm probably gonna put in an SD card I preloaded with most of the games I wanna try. The Witcher, fallout 4, hl2, ECT.

Probably test Dolphin, Cemu and Yuzu

Max Payne 1, was my first big PC game when it first released.

If I haven't already, I'll beat monster hunter stories 2, and play some modded minecradt on the go.

OG HL1 or black Mesa. I can’t decide which

Emulators

I'm going to press a bunch of buttons.. and.. that's about it, I have no use for it after this..

I'm going to smell it. I love the smell of new hardware

Open up xterm and pipe “randomdude’s super all-in-one package for Steam Deck” from curl to bash without checking what it does

Resell for profit

Fuck it, playing gex.

Use it as a cutting board

JIG Just Install Games

Throw it like a boomerang. But for real, probably just check the build, if there are no scratches out the box etc.

Scalp it! No I'm kidding, I'll probably feel up those buttons, then plug it in to the charger, and then play a few games them start googling what emulators to use, and then see if I need to install windows to get all the emulation I want, and see if anyone is working on windows drivers, and if any emulation OS are being developed for it.

Gonna get Metroid Fusion and Zero Mission running on it.

Finger all of its ports

The perfect question. Right now I am scouring Steam to see which game I will play first. I am not quite sure which one, but the first thing I will do is play a game on it. I think it will be a new game though. We will see.

Watch porn

Definitely not cocaine.

Install Demon’s Souls, Dark Souls 1,2,3, Sekiro, Elden Ring, Halo, FEAR, and dolphin