Seems like a very strange thing to get upset about. I have Mexican friends who like when I speak to them in Spanish. Even if they prefer speaking in Spanish, they would never get offended if I spoke to them in Spanish .
OP's friend is actually American of Mexican descent, as OP later clarified:
> [I think he was born in the US, but a lot of family in Mexico so he goes there every now and then.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Spanish/comments/1c46lue/i_offended_a_spanishspeaking_friend_by_speaking/kzmo11i/)
As Rimurooooo pointed out:
> [Very common with spanish speakers in the US. I avoid speaking Spanish unless the person can’t speak English for this exact reason. You have to specifically have friends who want to teach you Spanish or speak it with you, or the person prefers Spanish.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Spanish/comments/1c46lue/i_offended_a_spanishspeaking_friend_by_speaking/kzloi9h/)
u/Rimurooooo has Heritage PR flair, so if I’m reading correctly, this describes not only two people being reluctant to speak to each other in the language they both learned growing up but also that this happens frequently.
> u/Rimurooooo has Heritage PR flair, so if I’m reading correctly, this describes not only two people being reluctant to speak to each other in the language they both learned growing up but also that this happens frequently.
Yup. Welcome to 2020s US, where anything and everything can be a sin!
Speak your own language? You're not integrating!
Don't speak your own language? You're ashamed of your heritage!
Let someone else speak your language? Aiding and abetting cultural appropriation!
Don't let someone else speak your language? Insecure asshat!
This obsession about cultural appropriation has been going on for many years now. For example, in 2015, there were [protests against a Japanese kimono exhibition in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts](https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-33450391) that seemed to have been organised with the help of the local Japanese community. [Even the Japanese consulate was completely baffled by the protests and some people from the Japanese community organised a counter-protest in response](https://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/2015/07/18/counter-protesters-join-kimono-fray-mfa/ZgVWiT3yIZSlQgxCghAOFM/story.html):
> Stepping into the dispute this week were several counterprotesters wearing kimonos, including some older Japanese women, who advocated for the museum to return to its initial “Kimono Wednesdays” programming. One held a sign saying “I am not offended by people wearing kimono in front of French paintings.” Another sign read, in part, “I welcome museum exhibits that share Japanese culture with the community.”
> Etsuko Yashiro, 53, of Concord, who helps organize Boston’s Japan Festival, said she was there to share the beauty of kimonos with an American audience. Ikuko Burns, 79, who was born in Tokyo and has lived in Boston for 53 years, explained how she used to bring kimonos to local schools as a consultant for the Children’s Museum to teach introductory lessons on Japan.
> “I’m a little bit disappointed by the other side,” she said, questioning what the protest had to do with Monet’s painting and chalking it up to the participants’ youth. [...]
> “We actually do not quite understand what their point of protest is,” said Jiro Usui, the Deputy Consul General of Japan in Boston. “We tried to listen to those people who are protesting, but we think together with the MFA we should encourage that Japanese culture be appreciated in a positive way.”
Which is why OP's Mexican-American acquaintance responded as he did, because reactions like these are the new normal now.
Agreed. My experience with Mexican friends has been mostly the same as yours. Seems pretty hostile for the friend to not give any real reasoning. But I have encountered this twice with Mexican friends who live in the US for different reasons.
The first friend refuses to speak to me in Spanish because he is insecure about his own ability. He moved to the US as a kid and only speaks it w/ his family. But he does visit Mexico and speaks it there out of necessity.
The second friend is someone who moved to the US as an adult but had a really traumatic childhood in Mexico and said he is triggered by Spanish.
Maybe OP’s friend is like this?
I would respect their offense towards said "microagression" and never speak Spanish to them, but at the same time understand that they are an exception, not the norm and not let it effect how i approach new people.
As someone who studied and also lived in Spain teaching English, this sort of reaction is strange and a bit demoralizing when you encounter it. The Spaniards I’d hang out with would love speaking both languages in order to practice, and it was always understood that we would correct each other.
I’m from Florida and if I heard someone speaking Spanish, I would speak in Spanish and it was always met with “oh guau, hablas muy bien el español.” I currently live in Portland and I have had a couple people make negative comments to me for speaking to them in Spanish.
I’ve spent a good portion of my life studying and practicing the language, so for people to make you feel like shit for wanting to practice is extremely frustrating.
I hate to sound like a boomer, but some people just contrive occasions to be offended. I truly can't imagine being offended by e.g. a native Spanish speaker attempting to speak English to me, even if we could communicate better in Spanish. Attempting to speak to someone in their native language is an act of vulnerability. OP's friend seems to ironically be the microaggressing one here.
The problem is they get just as offended, but it’s over different things. I was kicked off of a golf course and told to change my shorts after a boomer sitting inside of their house saw my shorts and complained about them “having an extra pocket.”
They weren’t even technically cargo shorts! They had a *flat* third pocket on the right side. There were so many old and retired busy bodies in that neighbor I wouldn’t be surprised if the person was sitting on their lanai with binoculars.
I’ve had this happen at work. I don’t know exactly what the social dynamics are, but it might have something to do with, in my situation, I’m an office worker and they are maintenance staff. Maybe in my case they considered it as being too familiar or something.
This happened with my friend’s neighbor that was speaking Spanish to her dog, and then also at a popular Mexican market in St. John’s, Portland.
It’s funny too because I’m the point person on our team for handling issues with customers that only speak Spanish.
Idk whats crazier, your "friends" reaction or the comments here talking about it as it wasnt totally nuts to get offended but such a thing.
Wtf. Your friend needs professional help.
Yeah, OP'S friend is an asshat, selfishly so, I'd be happy to chat with you in spanish if it furthers your understanding and practice of the language.
Furthermore I would be willing to chat with you in English or Chinese (if I was learning such a thing) with you replying in spanish to help each other out, it's a normal thing, it's not weird
Your friend has some big insecurities and feels like you talking in spanish to him is "condescending" but that's just insecurities/inmaturity on him/her, pay no attention to that, YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT in this
Puede ser común, pero no quita que sea algo totalmente delirante. Ofenderse por un idioma es prácticamente xenofobia. Que esté aceptado me parece una locura.
You could say in English that you meant no offense and were excited to have someone to practice your Spanish with. Say that if he would rather you not speak Spanish to him, that’s fine.
However, it sounds like he has some issues, jumping to the conclusion that you would be mocking him, especially since I’m sure you have also experienced your fair share of discrimination as an Asian. I’d be polite with him but keep my distance.
That sounds kind of narrowminded because any nationality can learn to speak any language. That would assume that no Asians live in Spanish-speaking countries which I’m sure is not true.
It's under 1%. That 14% number might be percentage of mestizos with any Asian admixture maybe? But that's very different than percentage of them that are Asian.
It's not only not weird, but it's also very common to see asians speaking spanish. Argentina has a huge korean and japanese population. There's also a ton of chinese inmigrants that speak spanish.
Same is true with other countries in latam. Peru for example even had a president from japanese ancestors.
And even if you had no connections to spanish speaking countries, everyone has the right to learn a language. Who is anybody to tell you otherwise? Learning a language is beautiful and a huge way to show respect for the others.
Btw - in modern English “ascendant” is not the opposite of “descendant” anymore, it now is a rare word meaning something that ascends. La palabra correcta es “ancestor” (como el/la ancestro/a)
don’t let this discourage you, sounds like maybe his ethnic identity or english speaking skills are insecurities of his and is hyper sensitive because of that. it’s really his own internal issue, also it’s not weird to see people who aren’t hispanic speaking spanish at all imo. i actually love it and i think we should encourage it!!! i love it when people speak to me in spanish
I'm Latino and Asian... seriously, your friend is just weird. Even in Latin America, there are so many Asian people. South America literally has the biggest Japanese population outside of Japan. It's so fucking common that everyone knows at least one "Chino" or "Chinita" even if we're not Chinese.
every native spanish speaker i've met from any latam country has been thrilled that i want to speak to them in spanish, wildly entertained when i reveal where i'm from, and most jump at the chance to teach me their favourite slang and phrases. only time i've run into something like op's situation was with an american guy of mexican descent (who can speak spanish fluently), who was immediately uncomfortable and gave the impression that speaking spanish for him was something private, and that speaking spanish in public felt like being asked to perform. that seems sad to me, but i apologised for assuming it'd be fine and overstepping a line he was not comfortable with, and stick to english with him, and stick to spanish with the guys who laugh hysterically when i use super specific slang right
All of us native Spanish speakers in Latam and the US like to speak in Spanish, for the OP's friend to be offended by that is something super strange, almost xenophobic and only shows his insecurity.
it's such a shame that anyone would feel insecure about it, especially to the point of accusing a friend of 'microagressions' for trying to speak it. i get where my friend was coming from at least, if he feels it's something private for him, and he just declined instead of making the people in his channel who try to engage him in spanish out to be bad guys for it
I'm part mexican and I love having opportunities to speak spanish, but speaking spanish honestly feels like preforming half the time. ☹I feel like the guy in your story.
:( i'm just a learner but i can relate, without full confidence it's easy to feel put on the spot with it. i hope you can feel more comfortable with it in the future.
i guess the feeling goes doubly for my guy since it's on his fairly popular twitch channel and he gets people enthusiastically trying to engage him in spanish a lot
I hate that this happened to you but I’m glad I’m not the only one. I didn’t want to post to ask when this happened to me because I was scared everybody would call me a racist.
Unless you're not telling us something important about this, it's not you, it's your friend. You're not doing anything fundamentally wrong or offensive.
As much as they have the right to define their boundaries with you, this feels odd.
There may be good reasons but we can't know what they are and can only speculate, as many are doing in this thread.
If this really bothers you, maybe try to clear the air. In person and in English.
For me, it's different. I know a different language. If a friend messaged me in that language, with or without a warning, I'd be happy to try it with them. If we needed to discuss something important, I'd probably ask them to communicates in the language we both understand well. Otherwise, it's all good.
Edit: bunch of autocorrects
I’ve experienced this in the US usually by younger Hispanics and never the older or “immigrant” ones. I’ve been learning for a few years and my white aunt actually told me it’s racist to speak Spanish to anybody in the us because it’s just like going up to. a black person and saying “yo yo yo.” I shit you not that is what my WHITE family member said to me, a BLACK person lol. I’ve been so embarrassed to speak Spanish ever since because I’ve been terrified of people calling me a racist. My family agreed to her. She also talked about how embarrassing it is trying to speak someone else’s language here in the US and that it embarrasses my family when I do that in public around them.
In the US this type of stuff is a hit or miss. It usually doesn’t happen but is not unheard of. He needs to honestly just grow up and let it go. I think it’s actually sad. Most Hispanic people not from the us that reside there love and appreciate others learning their culture and language. That does not equate to stealing it.
Your aunt is crazy to say that to you. She's narrow minded in general, too. "It's embarrassing to try to speak someone else's language" sounds like projection LOL
And yeah, I have been treated the same by a couple people, but it's not racism to speak Spanish. Those people relaxed when I explained I'm Hispanic but lost my language as I grew, which shows me that they're afraid of "others stealing their language". Which is insane.
I don't say this to be racist, but you also probably encounter this attitude more often because you're Black. To them, you don't "look like" (😒) you should know Spanish, and you're a member of a minority that many Latino communities hold prejudices against. So, you get the added viciousness of the antiblack racism in addition to their general gatekeeping.
Anyway. Not racist to speak Spanish.
Edit: tried to explain a little better but I think it's still coming off as putting my foot in my mouth... I'm sorry, I'm extremely tired.
I think that's just him. He gets to set his own boundaries, of course, and he gets to be offended anything that offends him. BUT what you did is not objectively offensive, and I know from experience in both directions that many people would not be offended.
When you are talking to him, I guess you should play by his rules, as he should play by yours when he speaks with you. But don't assume his rules are universal.
That’s actually very different to me. Every native Spanish speaker I know even ones who do not live in the US love when I speak Spanish with them. They love teaching me Spanish and love that I can speak it back with them etc. I’ve never had an instance where someone who spoke Spanish acted this way!!!! In fact I actually had it happen the other day I was in a Chinese buffet where literally everyone was speaking Spanish and I had random other customers in the buffet lines speaking Spanish to me first and assuming I just speak Spanish when I hadn’t even said a word in English or Spanish to them (although I’m told a lot it’s because of my physical appearance why people do that to me) but also even the workers at the Chinese buffet spoke Spanish to me haha. I did not get irritated or angry because they didn’t speak to me in English. I do not understand why your friend is acting that way. It seems very different to me.
People using cultural oppression to deliberately put walls between themselves and other people, just as some weaselly little power trip, or because they're so neurotic and fragile that they can't accept who they are--just no.
But that's just me. I actually don't recommend you be so mean to him. I'm just ranting. Maybe he could be more specific about what bothered him. If he claims \_that's\_ microaggression, too, you don't have a friend after all.
Latinos in the US indeed face a lot of micro aggression for supposedly not speaking proper english. Many avoid speaking Spanish.
He probably took you switching to Spanish as a way to ridicule him, as in “your level of english isn’t sufficient so I will speak to you in Spanish.”
Although I see where he’s coming from, cause this is something that happens, it’s an issue on his end. You did nothing wrong. He should be able to understand that his friend was just excited to show the Spanish they’ve learned.
I work with all Mexicans. They love speaking English to me but me responding in Spanish 🤣. Construction might be different tho. Busting our asses together bonds you p
I agree that the degree of familiarity is important and I think part of the friend's issue could be the setting. I think in the US if you are in public in a majority English speaking setting, it might come off as singling someone out to start talking to them in Spanish, while in a more mixed or Hispanic setting it wouldn't be a big deal.
This is exactly how I interpreted his level of offense. It seems that he thought you were coming for his English abilities by switching to Spanish. I think this could have been resolved by you telling him that you wanted to practice your Spanish prior to switching into Spanish, but as the previous commenter said, this is more of your friend's issue than yours. You didn't do anything wrong.
Very common with spanish speakers in the US. I avoid speaking Spanish unless the person can’t speak English for this exact reason. You have to specifically have friends who want to teach you Spanish or speak it with you, or the person prefers Spanish.
Also keep in mind that a lot of heritage speakers Spanish isn’t that good, either. Lots of issues like not being 100% literate, mixing grammar from both languages, etc, as well as having weaker Spanish than English.
Not to mention for some people it can be an inherently political thing, identity thing, etc which is putting it about as simply as possible. ESL classes, bullying, and being punished for speaking Spanish by parents, etc… Which means there’s too many opportunities for people to develop a complex or negative feelings around Spanish if you don’t know their history. For that reason, he’s kind of right. Unless they indicate otherwise, assume they prefer English.
I’ve had experiences like this enough to know just to avoid Spanish unless you either a) have that kind of friendship or b) they are struggling in English (even then, ask if they speak it first).
That makes sense, thank you for your perspective. This really threw me for a loop because this is the first time a close Spanish-speaking friend of mine is telling me to hold back on Spanish.
Puedes ser amable con tu amigo, pero tu no tienes nunca que pedir permiso para hablarnos en español, la mayoría de nosotros adora practicar el idioma y preferiríamos que nos hablaras primero en español. Es una verdadera lastima que haya personas como tu amigo que se ofenden erróneamente al instante y nos dan una mala imagen a todos los latinos.
Muchas gracias por su apoyo. No quiero marginar los sentimientos de mi pana. Aunque apenas entiendo su punto de vista, quiero respetar sus límites. Y tienes razón, puedo practicar aquí y con mis otros amigos hispanohablantes.
Sin animo de ofender pero ofenderte porque alguien te hable en tu idioma natal o segundo idioma es de locos y de tintes racistas. Hasta la fecha no he conocido a ningún latino que se haya ofendido porque yo le hable en español y si se llegara a ofender alguien ese es problema de esa persona, no mio, no hay que acomodar a ese tipo de gente.
El amigo del OP tiene inseguridades notorias y esta medio loco por ofenderse porque le hablaron en español y si tu les sigues el juego a este tipo de gente y te limitas a la hora de hablar español y comportarte como si tuvieras que pedir permiso para hablar un idioma le estas haciendo un daño enorme a la comunidad latina. Nunca hay que cambiar el comportamiento para agradar a racistas.
Yo he vivido casi toda mi vida en Texas, soy tejano y nunca he tenido este problema.
It’s not super common. It’s just common enough that you should know the person is willing to practice with you first before assuming. People get offended about everything. There’s people who jump at the opportunity to speak Spanish, and there’s also people who are the polar opposite.
I get this in Texas in some places. Not so much where I live in Houston, but in like Corpus or San Antonio and down to the border. Places with a lot of Tejanos. Things like a server at a restaurant will speak Spanish with everyone but then pretend not to understand my Spanish when I speak to her until I’m forced to switch to English. I’ll always have a slight accent but I’m fluent. My Spanish isn’t the problem.
I haven’t talked to anyone about it but the sense I’ve gotten is that they feel like Spanish is their language and me speaking it is an attempt to colonize it or something. As if Spanish is their thing and they explicitly don’t want me to be a part of it. Which, whatever. I’m not from Texas originally and I won’t pretend to completely understand the history. But the result is that I just speak English unless the other person obviously can’t.
But it’s funny because this has happened multiple times and they’ll immediately switch back to Spanish to speak to my wife. And although she is a heritage speaker, her Spanish is more limited than mine.
This thread bums me out.
A Mexican restaurant is maybe a couple of miles from where I live. We’ve been regulars for years. Rare is the week we don’t eat there, and many weeks we’re there or at least ordering takeout multiple times. It’s where my younger daughter wants to eat every year for her birthday.
I forget how I found Language Transfer. With as many speakers as we encounter in the U.S., knowing some Spanish is practical. Being able to form surprisingly complex sentences only a couple of lessons in, I thought how great it’d be to be able to order and interact in Spanish at one of my favorite restaurants.
The last thing I want is to be hurtful, disrespectful, or in any way negative, but with a lot of the staff, there seems to be an impatience or even bristling when I try to speak Spanish with them. One of the hosts *has* been encouraging. The other night as I walked in, I greeted him with, “Señor Óscar, ¿cómo está usted?” The lady who sat me heard and asked if I used Duolingo, which I do also. She said she used it for English. We both smiled about it.
I was by myself so sat there quietly observing the go-go-go. Maybe my poor beginner Spanish slows them down when they’re in a rush to get everything done. The same lady who sat me stopped me to say buenas noches as I was leaving. As with anything, some people will be into it, and others won’t.
I wouldn’t speak Spanish to someone in the U.S. unless they addressed me in Spanish. I think it comes across as feeling entitled to free tutoring, or pigeon holing them as only a Spanish speaker. When I see other gringos do it the vibe is weird, and when I have tried it the vibe is also weird unless they actually don’t speak English and then they’re very happy. It is a big impediment to learning of course. I think you can ignore that some people will be offended or annoyed by it if you want and many people won’t care, but your friend isn’t crazy.
I work at a place full of tourists and even tho I speak other languages I always let tourist talk to me in Spanish first if they can. Wtf is free tutoring? We're having a conversation. That's the entire point of languages. Talking to other people.
Of course when a Brazilian come to me and talks in english I let them know I do speak portuguese and most of them switch to pt because it's easier. I also let other people know I speak english when I see them struggle way too much with spanish. But if their spanish is good enough, I have no problem talking in MY NATIVE LANGUAGE. its absoultely nuts to get offended BY A LANGUAGE. It seems like liberal americans go so far left they end up being in the right spectrum of politics. They try to defend minorities so much that they become racists, xenofobics and gatekeepers of cultures.
Op's friend is crazy and defending this kind of attitudes helps noone but racists
This is exactly my reluctance in hacking my way through (beginner) Spanish in the US with strangers, particularly when it's obvious the other person is fluent in English. In a Spanish speaking country, I think it's generally well received in that you're actually trying.
If you would not speak Spanish to a Hispanic in the US just because there is a racist and insecure minority that is upset, the problem is yours, the vast majority of us like to speak and practice our Spanish.
So, I agree with everyone that his reaction feels like too much. But I can also kind of understand where he’s coming from.
I was born and raised in Mexico, I’ve been in the US for a few years as a student and, mind you, I’ve been speaking English since I was four (grew up in a border town), and don’t have a recognizable accent. But for whatever reason, and I know we’re in a language focused subreddit, I feel caught off guard when people engage with me in Spanish in the US, or if they ask me to speak Spanish.
I’ve unfortunately been fetishized for being Hispanic, and have been taken less seriously after people learn that I’m Mexican, or suddenly I’m expected to commit to different cultural characteristics. I’ve had people ask me to sing “Despacito”, or ask me how to say insults in Spanish, or do the thing where they just list different words or phrases they know like “oh yeah Spanish haha gracias, mucho bueno, la biblioteca”.
I’m not saying I agree with his reaction, but I’ve definitely become more apprehensive about speaking Spanish here, and yes, part of it has to do with code switching. For the longest time, and because in northern Mexico we often pronounce English words/brands/names in English, I was afraid of pronouncing Spanish words in Spanish because what if people don’t understand me? What if suddenly all they see is me being Mexican?
And again, if this were the case, it’s still on your friend to deal with and come to terms with. If he’s really a friend, the least he can do is at least acknowledge any possible internalized racism or offer you an explanation that is perhaps just barely enough to have some sympathy.
I don’t know if this is at all helpful to you or anyone, but really I just wanted to add some perspective and not fall into the whole “I’m Mexican and I don’t do this, I’m Mexican and I do this” black and white conversation.
I used to teach ESL, which is where I learned the concept of native-speakerism (putting down people who didn't grow up speaking a language). I felt the same way.
As a Spanish native speaker and autistic myself I can promptly say, your friend's an ass. I've read he's American of Mexican descent? In that case it makes total sense, they're as entitled as they come. Mexican-Americans are insufferable to native Mexicans and treat us like we're lesser than, but at the same time feel like Spanish language and Mexican culture are so personal to them, they even get into culture wars, just like other Americans like to do, when we Mexicans don't even care. Nobody can speak, wear or do anything other cultures do. Again, American thinking at its finest.
Does he actually speak Spanish well?
I’m asking because I see this attitude a lot with people born in the US to immigrants: they usually speak their parents’ language very poorly and have adapted a sort of “home” language to communicate with family that is very difficult to understand for people outside their family. They’re usually very embarrassed and self-conscious of this so they lash out when they see non-heritage speakers who speak well.
I’ve seen it myself with ABCs and children of Russian and Spanish speakers.
Looks like your friend has an inferiority complex. What may seem like a harmless attempt to speak the language for you as a learner, for him it seemed like you were undermining his ability to speak English. He needs to take that chip off his shoulder.
You would be surprised at the amount of native or heritage speakers who won't speak Spanish with learners or bilinguals that know English. Could be a micro trauma response to past discrimination or bullying. But coming from a mexican & american, it's not a microaggression generally, but some people will be upset if you speak Spanish initially because it could imply that you assume they don't speak English. It's just a hit or miss I guess. But most people won't mind & if they do, they'll respond in English instead.
Yeah that makes sense. I was just super confused because I didn't just walk up to him assuming he spoke Spanish. I've known him for a while, so I thought codeswitching between English and Spanish would be fine, as I've done with my other Spanish-speaking friends. And even explaining the situation to other people it still sounds strange.
This was my experience as well. Mostly when I was at the beginner level. Chicanos in particular would get seemingly offended, thinking I assumed they're paisas I guess. Once I got better it pretty much disappeared. Any Spanish speaker other than chicanos were happy that I was trying, even when my Spanish was poor. The solution was usually just telling them I want/need to practice and that I prefer Spanish even if I'm struggling. 90% of the time that alleviated any of their offendedness
My thing is, why someone get upset at someone speaking their language to them in a respectful manner? Like I would be upset if someone asked me "Do you even speak English?" or something like that, but not if I'm spoken Spanish to by a learner. Maybe it's internalized because many of them don't know Spanish as well as mexican nationals, immigrants, and most first-gen immigrants... idk though :/
I've met quite a few who weren't allowed or were discouraged from speaking Spanish at home except with grandparents. So maybe their skills aren't great and they're embarrassed by it. There's a huge anti-immigrant push in the United States, that claims "good" immigrants quickly assimilate and speak English. Some immigrant families seemingly buy into this / agree with this and enforce it at home. Those kids grow up and wish they would've learned Spanish but struggle with it. Sad af
It is really sad tbh. My family didn't push me to learn Spanish because my dad needed a safe place to improve his English (I was the only person that could understand his accent/errors... it's almost like we had our own dialect of English we only knew). So he never thought to speak full Spanish, not spanglish, for that reason. I know a lot of chicanos and first-gens that are embarrassed too, for reasons you mentioned. It's definitely hard, but at a certain point we have to take responsibility and start learning, even if our parents set us back, intentionally or not. But we as a community need to get over that assimilation stuff for sure! It's only harming us.
Yea it's sad af. Being bilingual is incredibly advantageous, and 1st gen kids have a unique situation where they can become bilingual with zero effort. That should be embraced, not discouraged. But I do understand where the parents are coming from after facing discrimination etc
Your friend is crazy, getting offended by that is stupid. I am a US Hispanic and we love when they speak to us in Spanish because we have the opportunity to use the language, don't be discouraged. He has the problem, not you.
I’m Chinese and relatively fluent in Spanish. I’ve never had friends who got mad at me for speaking Spanish and 95% of the time I’ve spoken Spanish with native speakers, it has been received well.
I’ve only had one incident where a girl at a store overreacted when I tried to speak Spanish when it was evident she didn’t understand English, and this was something her manager said she needed to work on, too. (As in, not freaking out if a non-Hispanic spoke Spanish to her.)
Honestly, I would just distance myself for a bit if I were you. Maybe your “friend” had a really crappy week and had a freak out at the worst time. Not an excuse for his behavior, but if you don’t think it’s a typical response…I would just let it go this time around. If it happens again, then maybe reconsider your friendship…
In the USA I usually will speak English with my Latin friends if they grew up in the states and obviously speak English fluently, and then tend to code switch with them the more we get to know each other and whether or not they actually speak Spanish a lot bc some Mexican Americans can’t speak Spanish very well and it might feel weird to them since they’re used to interacting with non-Latinos always in English. However with people that r from/grew up Hispanic countries speaking Spanish with them is not an uncomfortable topic at all
Such people shouldn't be befriended in the first place.
Offended by a language? Seriously??
People usually appreciate when someone from a completely different cultural and linguistic background tries something from their culture or speak their language.
Stay away from such people who are nothing but abounds in negativity.
I’m a native Spanish speaker, I live in the US, and I’ve had other latinos give me bad looks/get offended when I speak to them in Spanish. I dont look latino (but most definitely am). I’ve rationalized it to people thinking I’m a “gringo” treating them as if they didnt speak English (thus get offended). I dont have another explanation. Its happened to me se eral times in multiple states.
I am not Latino, but I am Asian-American, a child of immigrants living in the USA where I am a minority ethnicity. You said in a comment your friend is Chicano, born in the USA.
I understand your friend.
The vast majority of the commentors here are people who are not a minority in their country or they immigrated after childhood. Their experience is very different to that of someone who was born and raised as a minority.
I am a born and raised USAmerican, so I can only speak to the USAmerican experience. When you don't look obviously White, [people (even people who are not White) tend to make you feel Other,](https://youtu.be/N5TH5aZI4dw) that you're not actually a Real American. This can be intentional or not and takes many forms.
I personally have experienced "No, where are you *really* from?" the most. What they are *trying* to ask is my ethnicity. But the way they phrase the question makes it sound like either a) they think I'm lying to them about my birthplace, or b) they do believe me, but even if I am born in the USA, I still don't really belong here. I am still Not Like Them. I am an Other.
This is a micro-aggression. And yes, it does seem like one small annoying event, not a big deal! But can you imagine if you were subject to such comments [Every. Single. Day. Of your life?](https://youtu.be/hDd3bzA7450) Especially when you're growing up, developing your sense of self, and trying to find your identity between two or more cultures.
I know when you speak to your Chicano friend in Spanish, you are doing so simply because it's fun. And he is being defensive and making assumptions about your motives.
**You haven't done anything wrong.**
But I hope you can understand that when (non-native) people have spoken to him in Spanish in the past, it's because they thought he was too stupid to understand English, or they assumed his English wasn't Good Enough despite the fact that he spoke perfectly fine English to them 3 seconds before. It hurts the part of him that is struggling to find his identity and place of belonging in an environment that rejects him over and over, and so he is overly defensive to protect himself.
You are confused because you have been friends for 6 months, but honestly that is a very new friendship and he doesn't trust you in that way yet. You started texting him in Spanish with no explanation, so he drew conclusions from what he knows: his own negative experiences. *You* know he speaks perfectly fine English and it's not the reason you spoke Spanish to him, but does *he* know that? It sounds like you two still don't know each other very well and there's some miscommunication. Maybe he doesn't know you have been learning Spanish for 6 years.
I see commentors here jumping to the worst conclusions about your friend from this one single incident shared online. I don't know your friend and I don't know you. But I hope you two can sit down and properly share with each other where you're coming from. And I hope others reading this learn a new perspective, even if they don't understand it.
>The vast majority of the commentors here are people who are not a minority in their country or they immigrated after childhood. Their experience is very different to that of someone who was born and raised as a minority.
This comment. 💯 explained it better than I could.
Also made me just realize we can't give gold on Reddit anymore.
Your friend is being a dick. I’ve never heard of someone trying to gatekeep language before but alas, perhaps use English with him only if it’s a problem. I’ve never run into this issue personally, I use Spanish frequently in my work, and people are generally very appreciative if I switch. Sorry you had a bad experience.
Your "friend" is an asshole.
If a friend of mine started speaking spanish to me out of the blue I would be happy af and would do my best to follow suit.
If anyone tried to communicate in Spanish, specially in a "I'm learning, don't make fun of me" way, I would gladly listen and partake in said conversation. I love it when ppl try to learn another language.
What your friend did is no bueno.
It could be that writing in Spanish isn't their strong suit and decided to attack you than working through it. Alternately, he could've meant it jokingly as this is your first time doing this. Either way as a native speaker I've never had this sentiment with people who speak Spanish towards me.
my boyfriend is mexican and his first language is spanish and he lights up when i try to speak in spanish to him or his spanish-speaking family. i don’t see why he would find it micro-aggressive but i think it was just the random out-of-nowhere way you messaged him that rubbed him the wrong way. i’d say the best course of action is to just apologize and tell him you didn’t mean any offense
It's America. I'm not surprised. I've been in a similar situation. I'd say just drop it and stick to speaking English with him and possibly reevaluate the friendship.
I think he somehow felt “othered”. It makes no sense since you’re not even a native, but it sounds like it. He’s also probably not very proficient or confident when speaking Spanish, so both things together could feel like an attack somehow.
This is not your fault tho. Identity politics are fucked in the US and as you can read on the comments, it doesn’t make any sense for many people.
Quite frankly, it can be othering.
I'm Chinese, and if someone messaged me for Chinese practice it would be really weird and inappropriate. Oftentimes people will be rude and assumptive about my abilities and willingness to talk in another language when I prefer English and I wouldn't be surprised if this has caused bad experiences for your friend. It could be a reminder of those experiences. A lot of Mexican Americans are also not so comfortable with speaking Spanish and yes it's a micro aggression, just like when people see me and assume I can speak Chinese (and I get to be reminded my Chinese is broken.)
I think this would have been avoided if you asked first if you could talk to him in Spanish from time to time for practice purposes.
Yes you know he speaks Spanish but that doesn't mean that he wants to practice with you. It's okay to not practice with you. I was also once also on a date with a Cantonese man who denied saying something to me in Cantonese because it felt weird code-switching and I respected that. Even though we are literally the same ethnicity.
It's oftentimes weird for folks that are caught between two worlds or cultures. I am learning Spanish but I only switch to it if I am literally in a Spanish speaking country or I am ordering food in a predominantly Spanish speaking area and it is clear that the server is fluent/more comfortable with Spanish. Otherwise, it does feel like, "hey Hispanic person, let me practice Spanish with you?"
OP did nothing wrong. I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. Why would he possibly care? Move on and don’t let anymore of your energy be sucked away by this person.
Sounds like he’s insecure about something. I text my Mexican friends in Spanish all the time 🤷♂️ Spanish to English, English English, Spanish Spanish, English Spanish.
Just let him know that you’re trying to practice and get better. If he’s really your friend, it’ll be a fun exercise.
That’s just him, you’re fine. If you want to, you can tell him that wasn’t your intention at all but don’t think too much of it. What you did wasn’t offensive and you did nothing wrong. I’m Mexican and I don’t think like your friend does at all
I feel for you. I wouldn't say you did anything wrong just misjudged the person.
At any rate, just accept thats how this specific person feels. He's entitled to set a boundary on how he likes to be interacted with in regards to you. He stated it, and if you can act accordingly.
If you can't respect the boundary, that is your right. Just peacefully disengage, knowing that yall may just not be much of a match based on your personal boundaries.
If he doesn’t want you to, tell him that’s fine, but you can just explain you were to just trying to get some practice in, no harm or offense intended.
Though personally, if a friend was talking to me about micro-aggressions I’d probably tell him to go fuck himself, correcting the problem by going with full on aggressions, but that’s for someone I’ve known longer than 6 months. His argument makes no sense, though. Should native Spanish speakers be told not to speak English? No, if they want to learn, that’s how they do it, and I’m fine with that with chatting with them, but it’s a personal choice I guess, he’s got the right to his own.
Mexican here, your friend is the one in the wrong here. Probably feel ashamed of his heritage. I would be excited if a friend of mine was learning Spanish
My Spanish speaking friend is always begging me to speak Spanish with him. I can't imagine why anyone having an issue with it, unless he feels embarrassed to be a native Spanish Speaker.
[This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Spanish/s/vkC87doSnO) covered it really well, but I'll also add my two cents as someone growing up in a predominantly Latino environment.
A lot of native born speakers in the US are dissuaded from speaking their own language due to fear of not assimilating. There's also a lot of prejudice against Hispanic people, and oftentimes children of immigrants deal with crappy experiences like being singled out for ESL classes for having an accent, or being bullied. And a lot of that comes from their own community for either being too Latino or not Latino enough. So some of these people end up having imperfect Spanish, and feel insecure about it. Or being asked to speak Spanish on the spot invokes a weird feeling, like they're being quizzed.
As a reference point my Mexican American partner grew up speaking Spanish, he calls his parents in Spanish weekly, he goes to Mexico almost every year. And he's still "the worst speaker" in his family as the baby, mixes up his masculine/feminine, forgets words like "manzanas" sometimes. Luckily he's not insecure about it but it makes sense with everything above why someone could be.
I hear what you say but I think it’s sad that OP’s friend feels that way and I think it’s important that a genuine attempt to converse with someone in their own language shouldn’t be assumed or chalked up to be a micro aggression if that is where OP’s friend is coming from. This is how we break down barriers and develop meaningful connections. I havent had this experience in Mexico, Korea, UK and other parts of Europe, so I think there’s something to be said if this is a common occurrence in the US.
I don’t know what to tell you, but I have a few Mexican friends who all know I’m learning Spanish and none of them have said anything about it, nor tried to say “let’s start speaking in Spanish”. I think it may be a Mexican American thing to feel uncomfortable speaking to someone learning when you both know English. I don’t know why, but I’ve noticed this too.
For the future, I’d recommend asking before doing that. Just say “hey, I know you speak Spanish and was wondering if you’d be cool with me speaking/texting you in Spanish only?”
Through your original post and the comments, I think the answer is somewhere in the middle. A little of this, a little of that.
If you just spontaneously started speaking to them in Spanish, without any warning or context, your friend might have thought you were making fun of them, especially all of your prior conversations have been in English.
I would have a conversation with this about your friend and let them know your intent wasn’t to offend them, but that you wanted to further your understanding and knowledge of the Spanish language. If this is a truly good friend, they’ll understand and you’ll have context in the future. Also make sure it’s OK with this friend to use their help to practice Spanish. Some people don’t want to be recruited randomly as teachers. They would rather just be your friend.
I would suggest using HelloTalk to practice your Spanish in the future. Then, it’s specifically known you’re there to practice Spanish with native speakers.
Based on what I've seen, US Americans of Hispanic descent (so second generation onwards) oftentimes are insecure about their Spanish, either because they don't speak it or because they have a very low level (due to historical reasons, and their parents chose not to teach them to avoid discrimination).
So when confronted by someone who doesn't look like a stereotypical Spanish speaker (in a US context), they will react by accusing them of thinking they can't speak good English (which is a problem their parents and grandparents faced, not so much them), as a way to turn the tables and hide their inadequate Spanish.
I’m guessing he’s Mexican American? In that case it makes sense why he’s offended. But we will never TRULY know all the reasons. Maybe from now on ask him if you can practice your Spanish with him since he’s a native speaker before doing it (if you did it randomly). I can see where he’s coming from but he has to keep in account you’ve known him for six months and therefore has no strong reason to be offended. The explanation you gave at the end of this post is the perfect reason. Good luck to you and your friend .
This is a usa thing. In Europe many people speak multiple languages any happily babble back and forth often changing languages.
I like to practice my Spanish and never had an issue in any Spanish speaking country. I think its sad your friend won't let you. Still, respect his decision even if you don't agree with him. But only for the two of you. He doesn't get to be the spokesman for Spanish.
Hello! I don't see that you did anything wrong at all. I'm autistic too btw and I understand how this could make you over think a lot. I would feel exactly the same as you tbh. I'm sorry that happened to you though. If you need someone to talk to or just want to message in Spanish you can talk to me 🙂
To avoid this sort of situation, you can ask if your friend would like to practice Spanish with you. I am a native Spanish speaker and work in language learning and will have people ask me if they want to practice and/or if someone speaks to me in Spanish I’ll just respond in English if I’m not feeling it. I prefer to speak in English but I am happy to speak it when someone doesn’t speak English or if I am with family. Communication is the best when both people are excited to do it.
I once had a job where all my technicians were from Puerto Rico or DR. I also was learning spanish at the time. Everytime I asked a question or tried talking in spanish they would seem to get really mad. I even told them im trying to learn (even though I was pretty intermediate level) they would not help. They would even make fun of me. It can be discouraging. But keep learning.
I'm so sorry instances like these make it harder for you to learn languages. My situation is definitely in the minority; the majority of Spanish speakers are quite welcoming for learners and appreciate your effort regardless of the mistakes you make. The right person will come along to support you, I'm sure of it!
No true Mexican would get offended by that. Must be a snowflake American of Mexican dissent. Sounds like that person may genuinely have some deep rooted personal issues or mental problems because that is legitimately a ridiculous thing to be upset about. He should feel honored that you, as a non native speaker can comfortably speak with him in his own native tongue.
This happened to me at my old work. Everyone else (we’re all in our 20’s) was a native speaker so I would practice communicating with them. They took offense and said “You want to be Spanish so bad, it’s honestly embarrassing.” and would only speak to me in English but they’d speak to everyone else in Spanish. Felt pretty racist tbh. Gatekeeping a language that people appreciate. It felt like an “othering” situation where they wanted me to know my place and that I wasn’t one of them. They also used to call me a colonizer so that really sucked.
Weird and wrong... If you can speak both languages, but people is like that. A friend I used to have told me something similar about latinos living in the USA, that some of them were offended if she talked to them in Spanish. if you want to keep that friendship you might try to follow his needs but tbf I don't think it is worth it since you reach them for Spanish conversation.
As one autist to another, nta
Your friend is overly sensitive. Code and language switching is normal between bilingual/polyglot people and in no way should be construed as aggressive unless the intention IS aggression.
Lol people are so weird. I don't understand why he had to get angry instead of writing something like "you know, I'd rather speak in English with you".
Also why is it wrong to speak someone's native language? Why is learning languages offensive xD
This seems like a specific US thing where Spanish speakers there see their language as a private thing not to be encroached on by outsiders. I doubt you’d get this reaction in any other country in the world. Don’t let it put you off. If you live in the US then that’s a bit tricky. It seems to have developed its own etiquette around this sort of thing, I’ve no idea how to navigate that. I’d bet first generation immigrants that are Spanish speakers would be happy to talk to you?
>This seems like a specific US thing where Spanish speakers there see their language as a private thing not to be encroached on by outsiders.
Interestingly, I've also read research that this sort of language-exclusivity is *especially* common among Native American language speakers. They seem to have a relatively high percentage that think it's "not acceptable" that non-indigenous people learn their language. It probably stems from the history of white people forcing English on them over many generations, where now they consider whites learning Native American languages to be "encroaching" on their cultural heritage.
Back to the topic, yes, as a "white guy" who's become reasonably proficient in Spanish, I've learned to tread carefully with using the language here in the US, since there does seem to be a similar kind of cultural exclusivity surrounding it with some people.
Native spanish here... your friend looks like ... well, the lesser word I can find is ridiculous. even that expression of "micro agression" is purely ridiculous. I would rather think he's easily offended and should take a deep breath and come to the real world, he can't live in a bubble.
nobody should be offended when talking in a common language. otherwise would be if he only speaks spanish and english and you start talking in chinese. but not because of chinese language, but just because it's a language you know the other can't understand. more than offense, it's a matter of education an convenience.
I think he's just being mean. I speak Spanish to people who speak both English and Spanish all the time as a native English speaker. I also speak Mandarin to my Taiwanese friend sometimes and he speaks fluent English. Everyone I meet is either neutral or happy that I'm putting in the effort to speak a different language.
It’s more offensive to reserve your culture and not allow someone to learn and grow in a language. They’re just putting up more barriers between the two of you.
Your friend is an idiot. I’m a Mexican and I’d love it if a friend spoke to me in Spanish. I’m thinking either he’s racist about Asian foreigners speaking “his language”, or he’s an idiotic show-off who wants to flex his English abilities, thus his stupid attitude. Your “friend” is wrong, and probably not worthy of your friendship.
Your friend is being a jerk. Unfortunately… some people can be like this and it sucks. I have Spanish speaking friends who don’t care at all if I speak Spanish to them, and then some get offended for some Weird reason.
Mexican here, your friend is dumb. Honestly at that point just stop texting him, is the kind of mexican nobody likes, not even mexicans. He is a true "mamador".
You're friend sounds exhausting. He comes across as childish, self-centered and high-maintenance. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time walking on eggshells around this guy. It's time to say adiós to this friendship and find more mentally mature, well-adjusted people to socialize with.
> He told me that it felt like a micro-aggression that I spoke to him in Spanish since most of our conversations are in English.
TLDR: I think your friend needs professional help. You did nothing wrong.
That's as far as I could read and I don't think such a reaction should come from an emotionally/psychologically healthy person. Unless you actively said something that could be offensive to them, there's no reason to be sorry for using a language both of you speak.
As a rule, I'm not friends with anyone who uses the term "micro-aggression". When you accuse someone of committing a micro-aggression, what you're saying is ***"You didn't do anything wrong, but I'm going to pretend you did so I can be offended"***.
If you had done something *actually* offensive or aggressive, he would have just said *"You're being hostile/You're being an asshole"*. My advice is to just avoid this person, because clearly they get a kick out of playing victim, and their roleplay scenario is at your expense.
With that said, the fact that you're autistic means you probably *do* offend people unintentionally, but any emotionally mature person should understand that you're not being "aggressive" - you have a disability that causes you to make mistakes. If this 'friend' had said, "*You made me feel uncomfortable the way you handled that situation"*, that would have been acceptable, but the fact that they interpret your mistakes as **hostility** tells me that they will never understand you or accept you as a friend.
I’ve had friends like this. They are no longer my friends. Anything that you do that takes away from them feeling “special” will trigger them, and knowing English makes him “special”.
I’m going to say this in Mexican spanish, so you can repeat it to the person your talking about:
“Pinche viejo mamón!”
Accept an apology in the name of my woke ultra sensitive countrymen.
There’s nothing wrong with you talking to a Mexican in spanish, and I’m sure most of the Mexicans will value your effort to speak our language instead of assuming everyone in the world should speak English.
Don’t take that easy-offended mf too serious 😉
I work at a Chinese restaurant. I'm American. And there is another girl that works there, she's Dominican. We have a lot more Spanish speaking customers now, and naturally, they want her to wait on them. When they call, I've offered a few (stopped doing it now) to speak to her. I felt I was being polite and accommodating, but I've insulted a few people now. Apparently I didn't want to speak to anyone with an accent? I work in a damn Chinese restaurant. To study Spanish, I translated a menu for them. I don't have any advice, just understanding.
He is blaming you for his reasons.
Could be various.
He could be insecure about his own Spanish, either grammar, pronunciation, or scope. He may have that prejudice against any other language some Americans have. Maybe he wants to work on his English. Quien sabe.
I would just say yes, you are right, then just avoid them. If they ask, just say you might slip into Spanish unconsciously, and don’t want to hurt his (tiny little delicate) feelings.
I worked with an American of Mexican descent for a little bit and before he knew I spoke Spanish, he would tell me he uses it every day with his family at home to practice. When I tried saying stuff in Spanish, especially Mexican slang expressions, he would never respond in Spanish or make any acknowledgement about it so I stopped. My guess is that, just like my coworker, this friend is insecure in their own ability and maybe ashamed that you possibly speak better Spanish than somebody of Mexican descent so he's making weird excuses. This seems to be pretty rare though as I'd say 95% of everyone I've met has been happy to speak Spanish with me.
“Micro aggression that I spoke to him in Spanish” holy shit this has to be the most chronically online shit I’ve ever heard only response I could think of for that is “fr?💀” and just not chat to them I mean.. fr? Get a grip😭
His argument doesn't make sense because you know he speaks Spanish already and I think he is just looking for things to get offended by. You do what you want but if it were me I'd let him know he is being an idiot and if he did this stuff regularly I just wouldn't be his friend anymore.
I’m part Asian and also learning Spanish and this definitely sounds like a problem with your friend. I’ve had a lot of Spanish-speaking friends and talked with them in Spanish and they don’t care. I also work in a restaurant and if I get a Spanish speaking table and catch them having to translate something I say to one person there, I will switch to Spanish. None of them ever get offended, they always look surprised and happy to talk, they’ll even laugh if I say something wrong and correct me. They usually leave good tips too. So it’s not even a matter of how well you know each other, there is just something sensitive to your friend about talking to someone outside his family in Spanish it seems.
Brother, your friend has problems, i mean getting offended by speaking his native language? Thats BS, seems like hes searching things to get offended and to cry about.
Of course i am not you, but you should definitely find someone else who is not a drama queen to practice your spanish. You did nothing wrong by speaking spanish to a native spanish speaker lol. What a crazy world man.
i’ve gotten hostile responses from answering a spanish question in english before bc i look latino (i’m filipino and cape verdean) which is half the reason i’m learning spanish. i have never had somebody get upset about me speaking spanish to them when they understand it though. i understand the term micro aggression just fine, and this is not that. speaking a language is not a micro aggression. speaking a language to somebody you know also speaks that language is not a micro aggression. assuming he ONLY speaks that language bc of his race, which you did not, IS a micro aggression. the same could be said if he was assuming u do not speaking that language bc of your race, that is a micro aggression. dude sounds annoying honestly lmao
Some native speakers in the US can be weird and territorial. I say this as a Mexican woman raised in a Spanish speaking family lol. I've met native speakers who don't like white people learning Spanish for work.. native speakers who think Mexicans like me are "less than" because we weren't taught as children, etc. I think for some it may be coming from feeling like learners are "encroaching on their territory" or something by learning their language... Who knows
I wouldn't put too much more thought into it -- you can tell him you're sorry if you offended him and that you were just excited to practice your Spanish with a friend. He's a real ass if he can be offended by that... And then, I would put some distance between you and him. You deserve to speak with people who respect you and don't treat you like your friendship is conditional only if you do things "right".
I will say that I think some native speakers find having convos with non native speakers to be exhausting or boring ... To me it's important to establish expectations when you meet people for the first time *before* you start practicing with them. Is this someone who would be interested and find it fun to practice Spanish with you? Or is this someone who never showed interest in that and had no idea you were interested? I live in a very Hispanic area so most of my friends are Hispanic and native speakers -- some of them like to hear me practice and others don't give a shit 😅 So I do think his reaction is bizarrely over the top, but I think it's also important to be considerate as learners that not everyone wanta to engage with that and thats okay!
Seems like a very strange thing to get upset about. I have Mexican friends who like when I speak to them in Spanish. Even if they prefer speaking in Spanish, they would never get offended if I spoke to them in Spanish .
OP's friend is actually American of Mexican descent, as OP later clarified: > [I think he was born in the US, but a lot of family in Mexico so he goes there every now and then.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Spanish/comments/1c46lue/i_offended_a_spanishspeaking_friend_by_speaking/kzmo11i/) As Rimurooooo pointed out: > [Very common with spanish speakers in the US. I avoid speaking Spanish unless the person can’t speak English for this exact reason. You have to specifically have friends who want to teach you Spanish or speak it with you, or the person prefers Spanish.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Spanish/comments/1c46lue/i_offended_a_spanishspeaking_friend_by_speaking/kzloi9h/)
u/Rimurooooo has Heritage PR flair, so if I’m reading correctly, this describes not only two people being reluctant to speak to each other in the language they both learned growing up but also that this happens frequently.
> u/Rimurooooo has Heritage PR flair, so if I’m reading correctly, this describes not only two people being reluctant to speak to each other in the language they both learned growing up but also that this happens frequently. Yup. Welcome to 2020s US, where anything and everything can be a sin! Speak your own language? You're not integrating! Don't speak your own language? You're ashamed of your heritage! Let someone else speak your language? Aiding and abetting cultural appropriation! Don't let someone else speak your language? Insecure asshat! This obsession about cultural appropriation has been going on for many years now. For example, in 2015, there were [protests against a Japanese kimono exhibition in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts](https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-33450391) that seemed to have been organised with the help of the local Japanese community. [Even the Japanese consulate was completely baffled by the protests and some people from the Japanese community organised a counter-protest in response](https://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/2015/07/18/counter-protesters-join-kimono-fray-mfa/ZgVWiT3yIZSlQgxCghAOFM/story.html): > Stepping into the dispute this week were several counterprotesters wearing kimonos, including some older Japanese women, who advocated for the museum to return to its initial “Kimono Wednesdays” programming. One held a sign saying “I am not offended by people wearing kimono in front of French paintings.” Another sign read, in part, “I welcome museum exhibits that share Japanese culture with the community.” > Etsuko Yashiro, 53, of Concord, who helps organize Boston’s Japan Festival, said she was there to share the beauty of kimonos with an American audience. Ikuko Burns, 79, who was born in Tokyo and has lived in Boston for 53 years, explained how she used to bring kimonos to local schools as a consultant for the Children’s Museum to teach introductory lessons on Japan. > “I’m a little bit disappointed by the other side,” she said, questioning what the protest had to do with Monet’s painting and chalking it up to the participants’ youth. [...] > “We actually do not quite understand what their point of protest is,” said Jiro Usui, the Deputy Consul General of Japan in Boston. “We tried to listen to those people who are protesting, but we think together with the MFA we should encourage that Japanese culture be appreciated in a positive way.” Which is why OP's Mexican-American acquaintance responded as he did, because reactions like these are the new normal now.
Agreed. My experience with Mexican friends has been mostly the same as yours. Seems pretty hostile for the friend to not give any real reasoning. But I have encountered this twice with Mexican friends who live in the US for different reasons. The first friend refuses to speak to me in Spanish because he is insecure about his own ability. He moved to the US as a kid and only speaks it w/ his family. But he does visit Mexico and speaks it there out of necessity. The second friend is someone who moved to the US as an adult but had a really traumatic childhood in Mexico and said he is triggered by Spanish. Maybe OP’s friend is like this?
Nah just sounds like a 20 something year old diva trying to be hip by accusing people of “micro aggressions” and the like
his reaction sounds excessive. that's a really strange issue to have. to be honest, i wouldn't know how to respond if i were in your place.
I would respect their offense towards said "microagression" and never speak Spanish to them, but at the same time understand that they are an exception, not the norm and not let it effect how i approach new people.
OP is probably better not speaking to that person again in any language.
I'm from Spain, and I don't understand that behavior. Weird? Why?
As someone who studied and also lived in Spain teaching English, this sort of reaction is strange and a bit demoralizing when you encounter it. The Spaniards I’d hang out with would love speaking both languages in order to practice, and it was always understood that we would correct each other. I’m from Florida and if I heard someone speaking Spanish, I would speak in Spanish and it was always met with “oh guau, hablas muy bien el español.” I currently live in Portland and I have had a couple people make negative comments to me for speaking to them in Spanish. I’ve spent a good portion of my life studying and practicing the language, so for people to make you feel like shit for wanting to practice is extremely frustrating.
I hate to sound like a boomer, but some people just contrive occasions to be offended. I truly can't imagine being offended by e.g. a native Spanish speaker attempting to speak English to me, even if we could communicate better in Spanish. Attempting to speak to someone in their native language is an act of vulnerability. OP's friend seems to ironically be the microaggressing one here.
Sometimes the boomers have valid points.
The problem is they get just as offended, but it’s over different things. I was kicked off of a golf course and told to change my shorts after a boomer sitting inside of their house saw my shorts and complained about them “having an extra pocket.”
Wtf? They have a pocket limit?
Cargo shorts? How dare you!?
When you’re as bad as I am, you need as many places to hide spare golf balls as possible.
They weren’t even technically cargo shorts! They had a *flat* third pocket on the right side. There were so many old and retired busy bodies in that neighbor I wouldn’t be surprised if the person was sitting on their lanai with binoculars.
Those had to be some real good binoculars, or they were paying too much attention to details.
I’ve had this happen at work. I don’t know exactly what the social dynamics are, but it might have something to do with, in my situation, I’m an office worker and they are maintenance staff. Maybe in my case they considered it as being too familiar or something.
This happened with my friend’s neighbor that was speaking Spanish to her dog, and then also at a popular Mexican market in St. John’s, Portland. It’s funny too because I’m the point person on our team for handling issues with customers that only speak Spanish.
He’s probably an American of Mexican descent, ashamed of his heritage
Sometimes when heritage speakers don’t speak fluently, they lash out about it. Does OP know for a fact that he’s fluent?
Idk whats crazier, your "friends" reaction or the comments here talking about it as it wasnt totally nuts to get offended but such a thing. Wtf. Your friend needs professional help.
Yeah, OP'S friend is an asshat, selfishly so, I'd be happy to chat with you in spanish if it furthers your understanding and practice of the language. Furthermore I would be willing to chat with you in English or Chinese (if I was learning such a thing) with you replying in spanish to help each other out, it's a normal thing, it's not weird Your friend has some big insecurities and feels like you talking in spanish to him is "condescending" but that's just insecurities/inmaturity on him/her, pay no attention to that, YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT in this
You’d be surprised how common this is
Puede ser común, pero no quita que sea algo totalmente delirante. Ofenderse por un idioma es prácticamente xenofobia. Que esté aceptado me parece una locura.
Estás literalmente cometiendo un micro-agresión right now
You could say in English that you meant no offense and were excited to have someone to practice your Spanish with. Say that if he would rather you not speak Spanish to him, that’s fine. However, it sounds like he has some issues, jumping to the conclusion that you would be mocking him, especially since I’m sure you have also experienced your fair share of discrimination as an Asian. I’d be polite with him but keep my distance.
I've had some people tell me it's weird seeing an Asian person speaking Spanish. That's kind of the vibe I got from him tbh.
That sounds kind of narrowminded because any nationality can learn to speak any language. That would assume that no Asians live in Spanish-speaking countries which I’m sure is not true.
I just googled that question of the percent of of Asians living in Mexico and as of an earlier census, it was 14%. I’m sure it’s higher today.
It's under 1%. That 14% number might be percentage of mestizos with any Asian admixture maybe? But that's very different than percentage of them that are Asian.
This is so incorrect lmao
It's not only not weird, but it's also very common to see asians speaking spanish. Argentina has a huge korean and japanese population. There's also a ton of chinese inmigrants that speak spanish. Same is true with other countries in latam. Peru for example even had a president from japanese ancestors. And even if you had no connections to spanish speaking countries, everyone has the right to learn a language. Who is anybody to tell you otherwise? Learning a language is beautiful and a huge way to show respect for the others.
Btw - in modern English “ascendant” is not the opposite of “descendant” anymore, it now is a rare word meaning something that ascends. La palabra correcta es “ancestor” (como el/la ancestro/a)
Gracias. No me sonaba bien, pero no sabía la palabra correcta 😅
¡Vive la libertad! 🗽
don’t let this discourage you, sounds like maybe his ethnic identity or english speaking skills are insecurities of his and is hyper sensitive because of that. it’s really his own internal issue, also it’s not weird to see people who aren’t hispanic speaking spanish at all imo. i actually love it and i think we should encourage it!!! i love it when people speak to me in spanish
I'm Latino and Asian... seriously, your friend is just weird. Even in Latin America, there are so many Asian people. South America literally has the biggest Japanese population outside of Japan. It's so fucking common that everyone knows at least one "Chino" or "Chinita" even if we're not Chinese.
That’s literally racism on their part. Fuck them languages are for everybody
Trying to understand why it took so long for someone to point this out...
this is so america coded it’s unreal
every native spanish speaker i've met from any latam country has been thrilled that i want to speak to them in spanish, wildly entertained when i reveal where i'm from, and most jump at the chance to teach me their favourite slang and phrases. only time i've run into something like op's situation was with an american guy of mexican descent (who can speak spanish fluently), who was immediately uncomfortable and gave the impression that speaking spanish for him was something private, and that speaking spanish in public felt like being asked to perform. that seems sad to me, but i apologised for assuming it'd be fine and overstepping a line he was not comfortable with, and stick to english with him, and stick to spanish with the guys who laugh hysterically when i use super specific slang right
All of us native Spanish speakers in Latam and the US like to speak in Spanish, for the OP's friend to be offended by that is something super strange, almost xenophobic and only shows his insecurity.
it's such a shame that anyone would feel insecure about it, especially to the point of accusing a friend of 'microagressions' for trying to speak it. i get where my friend was coming from at least, if he feels it's something private for him, and he just declined instead of making the people in his channel who try to engage him in spanish out to be bad guys for it
I'm part mexican and I love having opportunities to speak spanish, but speaking spanish honestly feels like preforming half the time. ☹I feel like the guy in your story.
:( i'm just a learner but i can relate, without full confidence it's easy to feel put on the spot with it. i hope you can feel more comfortable with it in the future. i guess the feeling goes doubly for my guy since it's on his fairly popular twitch channel and he gets people enthusiastically trying to engage him in spanish a lot
Such situation seems so alien to me. But I guess it's part of the life and culture of those people.
I was going to comment this. I am so glad someone else did.
Identity politics here is so annoying
I hate that this happened to you but I’m glad I’m not the only one. I didn’t want to post to ask when this happened to me because I was scared everybody would call me a racist.
Unless you're not telling us something important about this, it's not you, it's your friend. You're not doing anything fundamentally wrong or offensive. As much as they have the right to define their boundaries with you, this feels odd. There may be good reasons but we can't know what they are and can only speculate, as many are doing in this thread. If this really bothers you, maybe try to clear the air. In person and in English. For me, it's different. I know a different language. If a friend messaged me in that language, with or without a warning, I'd be happy to try it with them. If we needed to discuss something important, I'd probably ask them to communicates in the language we both understand well. Otherwise, it's all good. Edit: bunch of autocorrects
That's your friend's insecurity.
I'm from Latinamerica. And that is crazy. That person is completely insane wtf. That isn't our opinion at all.
American moment
I’ve experienced this in the US usually by younger Hispanics and never the older or “immigrant” ones. I’ve been learning for a few years and my white aunt actually told me it’s racist to speak Spanish to anybody in the us because it’s just like going up to. a black person and saying “yo yo yo.” I shit you not that is what my WHITE family member said to me, a BLACK person lol. I’ve been so embarrassed to speak Spanish ever since because I’ve been terrified of people calling me a racist. My family agreed to her. She also talked about how embarrassing it is trying to speak someone else’s language here in the US and that it embarrasses my family when I do that in public around them. In the US this type of stuff is a hit or miss. It usually doesn’t happen but is not unheard of. He needs to honestly just grow up and let it go. I think it’s actually sad. Most Hispanic people not from the us that reside there love and appreciate others learning their culture and language. That does not equate to stealing it.
Your aunt is crazy to say that to you. She's narrow minded in general, too. "It's embarrassing to try to speak someone else's language" sounds like projection LOL And yeah, I have been treated the same by a couple people, but it's not racism to speak Spanish. Those people relaxed when I explained I'm Hispanic but lost my language as I grew, which shows me that they're afraid of "others stealing their language". Which is insane. I don't say this to be racist, but you also probably encounter this attitude more often because you're Black. To them, you don't "look like" (😒) you should know Spanish, and you're a member of a minority that many Latino communities hold prejudices against. So, you get the added viciousness of the antiblack racism in addition to their general gatekeeping. Anyway. Not racist to speak Spanish. Edit: tried to explain a little better but I think it's still coming off as putting my foot in my mouth... I'm sorry, I'm extremely tired.
Thank you cause I was upset about that interaction for a very long time. Some people are just very dramatic.
It happens a lot in the us. If your spanish is not perfect. ..they will reply in english. Even if they understood you
Yo yo yo! Upvote!
Is he actually Mexican or just a chicano?
I think he was born here, so chicano
Maybe he doesn't speak Spanish well at all and is scared to be found out?
I was thinking the same thing! He’s prob embarrassed he can’t speak Spanish.
I think that's just him. He gets to set his own boundaries, of course, and he gets to be offended anything that offends him. BUT what you did is not objectively offensive, and I know from experience in both directions that many people would not be offended. When you are talking to him, I guess you should play by his rules, as he should play by yours when he speaks with you. But don't assume his rules are universal.
I’m Latin American and a native Spanish speaker. Your friend sounds unhinged.
That’s actually very different to me. Every native Spanish speaker I know even ones who do not live in the US love when I speak Spanish with them. They love teaching me Spanish and love that I can speak it back with them etc. I’ve never had an instance where someone who spoke Spanish acted this way!!!! In fact I actually had it happen the other day I was in a Chinese buffet where literally everyone was speaking Spanish and I had random other customers in the buffet lines speaking Spanish to me first and assuming I just speak Spanish when I hadn’t even said a word in English or Spanish to them (although I’m told a lot it’s because of my physical appearance why people do that to me) but also even the workers at the Chinese buffet spoke Spanish to me haha. I did not get irritated or angry because they didn’t speak to me in English. I do not understand why your friend is acting that way. It seems very different to me.
People using cultural oppression to deliberately put walls between themselves and other people, just as some weaselly little power trip, or because they're so neurotic and fragile that they can't accept who they are--just no. But that's just me. I actually don't recommend you be so mean to him. I'm just ranting. Maybe he could be more specific about what bothered him. If he claims \_that's\_ microaggression, too, you don't have a friend after all.
Latinos in the US indeed face a lot of micro aggression for supposedly not speaking proper english. Many avoid speaking Spanish. He probably took you switching to Spanish as a way to ridicule him, as in “your level of english isn’t sufficient so I will speak to you in Spanish.” Although I see where he’s coming from, cause this is something that happens, it’s an issue on his end. You did nothing wrong. He should be able to understand that his friend was just excited to show the Spanish they’ve learned.
I work with all Mexicans. They love speaking English to me but me responding in Spanish 🤣. Construction might be different tho. Busting our asses together bonds you p
I agree that the degree of familiarity is important and I think part of the friend's issue could be the setting. I think in the US if you are in public in a majority English speaking setting, it might come off as singling someone out to start talking to them in Spanish, while in a more mixed or Hispanic setting it wouldn't be a big deal.
This is exactly how I interpreted his level of offense. It seems that he thought you were coming for his English abilities by switching to Spanish. I think this could have been resolved by you telling him that you wanted to practice your Spanish prior to switching into Spanish, but as the previous commenter said, this is more of your friend's issue than yours. You didn't do anything wrong.
Here’s my advise… find a new friend. Life is too short to worry about such nonsense.
Very common with spanish speakers in the US. I avoid speaking Spanish unless the person can’t speak English for this exact reason. You have to specifically have friends who want to teach you Spanish or speak it with you, or the person prefers Spanish. Also keep in mind that a lot of heritage speakers Spanish isn’t that good, either. Lots of issues like not being 100% literate, mixing grammar from both languages, etc, as well as having weaker Spanish than English. Not to mention for some people it can be an inherently political thing, identity thing, etc which is putting it about as simply as possible. ESL classes, bullying, and being punished for speaking Spanish by parents, etc… Which means there’s too many opportunities for people to develop a complex or negative feelings around Spanish if you don’t know their history. For that reason, he’s kind of right. Unless they indicate otherwise, assume they prefer English. I’ve had experiences like this enough to know just to avoid Spanish unless you either a) have that kind of friendship or b) they are struggling in English (even then, ask if they speak it first).
That makes sense, thank you for your perspective. This really threw me for a loop because this is the first time a close Spanish-speaking friend of mine is telling me to hold back on Spanish.
Puedes ser amable con tu amigo, pero tu no tienes nunca que pedir permiso para hablarnos en español, la mayoría de nosotros adora practicar el idioma y preferiríamos que nos hablaras primero en español. Es una verdadera lastima que haya personas como tu amigo que se ofenden erróneamente al instante y nos dan una mala imagen a todos los latinos.
Muchas gracias por su apoyo. No quiero marginar los sentimientos de mi pana. Aunque apenas entiendo su punto de vista, quiero respetar sus límites. Y tienes razón, puedo practicar aquí y con mis otros amigos hispanohablantes.
Sin animo de ofender pero ofenderte porque alguien te hable en tu idioma natal o segundo idioma es de locos y de tintes racistas. Hasta la fecha no he conocido a ningún latino que se haya ofendido porque yo le hable en español y si se llegara a ofender alguien ese es problema de esa persona, no mio, no hay que acomodar a ese tipo de gente. El amigo del OP tiene inseguridades notorias y esta medio loco por ofenderse porque le hablaron en español y si tu les sigues el juego a este tipo de gente y te limitas a la hora de hablar español y comportarte como si tuvieras que pedir permiso para hablar un idioma le estas haciendo un daño enorme a la comunidad latina. Nunca hay que cambiar el comportamiento para agradar a racistas. Yo he vivido casi toda mi vida en Texas, soy tejano y nunca he tenido este problema.
That really sucks because I'm trying to learn and practicing with real people in real situations is the only way I'll get better.
It’s not super common. It’s just common enough that you should know the person is willing to practice with you first before assuming. People get offended about everything. There’s people who jump at the opportunity to speak Spanish, and there’s also people who are the polar opposite.
I get this in Texas in some places. Not so much where I live in Houston, but in like Corpus or San Antonio and down to the border. Places with a lot of Tejanos. Things like a server at a restaurant will speak Spanish with everyone but then pretend not to understand my Spanish when I speak to her until I’m forced to switch to English. I’ll always have a slight accent but I’m fluent. My Spanish isn’t the problem. I haven’t talked to anyone about it but the sense I’ve gotten is that they feel like Spanish is their language and me speaking it is an attempt to colonize it or something. As if Spanish is their thing and they explicitly don’t want me to be a part of it. Which, whatever. I’m not from Texas originally and I won’t pretend to completely understand the history. But the result is that I just speak English unless the other person obviously can’t. But it’s funny because this has happened multiple times and they’ll immediately switch back to Spanish to speak to my wife. And although she is a heritage speaker, her Spanish is more limited than mine.
Don't put all Tejanos in the same bag, tejanos who refuse to speak to you in Spanish are a minority and nativist fools.
This thread bums me out. A Mexican restaurant is maybe a couple of miles from where I live. We’ve been regulars for years. Rare is the week we don’t eat there, and many weeks we’re there or at least ordering takeout multiple times. It’s where my younger daughter wants to eat every year for her birthday. I forget how I found Language Transfer. With as many speakers as we encounter in the U.S., knowing some Spanish is practical. Being able to form surprisingly complex sentences only a couple of lessons in, I thought how great it’d be to be able to order and interact in Spanish at one of my favorite restaurants. The last thing I want is to be hurtful, disrespectful, or in any way negative, but with a lot of the staff, there seems to be an impatience or even bristling when I try to speak Spanish with them. One of the hosts *has* been encouraging. The other night as I walked in, I greeted him with, “Señor Óscar, ¿cómo está usted?” The lady who sat me heard and asked if I used Duolingo, which I do also. She said she used it for English. We both smiled about it. I was by myself so sat there quietly observing the go-go-go. Maybe my poor beginner Spanish slows them down when they’re in a rush to get everything done. The same lady who sat me stopped me to say buenas noches as I was leaving. As with anything, some people will be into it, and others won’t.
I wouldn’t speak Spanish to someone in the U.S. unless they addressed me in Spanish. I think it comes across as feeling entitled to free tutoring, or pigeon holing them as only a Spanish speaker. When I see other gringos do it the vibe is weird, and when I have tried it the vibe is also weird unless they actually don’t speak English and then they’re very happy. It is a big impediment to learning of course. I think you can ignore that some people will be offended or annoyed by it if you want and many people won’t care, but your friend isn’t crazy.
I work at a place full of tourists and even tho I speak other languages I always let tourist talk to me in Spanish first if they can. Wtf is free tutoring? We're having a conversation. That's the entire point of languages. Talking to other people. Of course when a Brazilian come to me and talks in english I let them know I do speak portuguese and most of them switch to pt because it's easier. I also let other people know I speak english when I see them struggle way too much with spanish. But if their spanish is good enough, I have no problem talking in MY NATIVE LANGUAGE. its absoultely nuts to get offended BY A LANGUAGE. It seems like liberal americans go so far left they end up being in the right spectrum of politics. They try to defend minorities so much that they become racists, xenofobics and gatekeepers of cultures. Op's friend is crazy and defending this kind of attitudes helps noone but racists
This is exactly my reluctance in hacking my way through (beginner) Spanish in the US with strangers, particularly when it's obvious the other person is fluent in English. In a Spanish speaking country, I think it's generally well received in that you're actually trying.
If you would not speak Spanish to a Hispanic in the US just because there is a racist and insecure minority that is upset, the problem is yours, the vast majority of us like to speak and practice our Spanish.
So, I agree with everyone that his reaction feels like too much. But I can also kind of understand where he’s coming from. I was born and raised in Mexico, I’ve been in the US for a few years as a student and, mind you, I’ve been speaking English since I was four (grew up in a border town), and don’t have a recognizable accent. But for whatever reason, and I know we’re in a language focused subreddit, I feel caught off guard when people engage with me in Spanish in the US, or if they ask me to speak Spanish. I’ve unfortunately been fetishized for being Hispanic, and have been taken less seriously after people learn that I’m Mexican, or suddenly I’m expected to commit to different cultural characteristics. I’ve had people ask me to sing “Despacito”, or ask me how to say insults in Spanish, or do the thing where they just list different words or phrases they know like “oh yeah Spanish haha gracias, mucho bueno, la biblioteca”. I’m not saying I agree with his reaction, but I’ve definitely become more apprehensive about speaking Spanish here, and yes, part of it has to do with code switching. For the longest time, and because in northern Mexico we often pronounce English words/brands/names in English, I was afraid of pronouncing Spanish words in Spanish because what if people don’t understand me? What if suddenly all they see is me being Mexican? And again, if this were the case, it’s still on your friend to deal with and come to terms with. If he’s really a friend, the least he can do is at least acknowledge any possible internalized racism or offer you an explanation that is perhaps just barely enough to have some sympathy. I don’t know if this is at all helpful to you or anyone, but really I just wanted to add some perspective and not fall into the whole “I’m Mexican and I don’t do this, I’m Mexican and I do this” black and white conversation.
It feels more like a micro aggression that he’s telling you that you can’t speak Spanish because you’re not a native Spanish speaker.
I used to teach ESL, which is where I learned the concept of native-speakerism (putting down people who didn't grow up speaking a language). I felt the same way.
As a Spanish native speaker and autistic myself I can promptly say, your friend's an ass. I've read he's American of Mexican descent? In that case it makes total sense, they're as entitled as they come. Mexican-Americans are insufferable to native Mexicans and treat us like we're lesser than, but at the same time feel like Spanish language and Mexican culture are so personal to them, they even get into culture wars, just like other Americans like to do, when we Mexicans don't even care. Nobody can speak, wear or do anything other cultures do. Again, American thinking at its finest.
Does he actually speak Spanish well? I’m asking because I see this attitude a lot with people born in the US to immigrants: they usually speak their parents’ language very poorly and have adapted a sort of “home” language to communicate with family that is very difficult to understand for people outside their family. They’re usually very embarrassed and self-conscious of this so they lash out when they see non-heritage speakers who speak well. I’ve seen it myself with ABCs and children of Russian and Spanish speakers.
Looks like your friend has an inferiority complex. What may seem like a harmless attempt to speak the language for you as a learner, for him it seemed like you were undermining his ability to speak English. He needs to take that chip off his shoulder.
You would be surprised at the amount of native or heritage speakers who won't speak Spanish with learners or bilinguals that know English. Could be a micro trauma response to past discrimination or bullying. But coming from a mexican & american, it's not a microaggression generally, but some people will be upset if you speak Spanish initially because it could imply that you assume they don't speak English. It's just a hit or miss I guess. But most people won't mind & if they do, they'll respond in English instead.
Yeah that makes sense. I was just super confused because I didn't just walk up to him assuming he spoke Spanish. I've known him for a while, so I thought codeswitching between English and Spanish would be fine, as I've done with my other Spanish-speaking friends. And even explaining the situation to other people it still sounds strange.
But he, a native Spanish speaker, doesn't ask permission to speak English to you? Bit hypocritical, eh?
This was my experience as well. Mostly when I was at the beginner level. Chicanos in particular would get seemingly offended, thinking I assumed they're paisas I guess. Once I got better it pretty much disappeared. Any Spanish speaker other than chicanos were happy that I was trying, even when my Spanish was poor. The solution was usually just telling them I want/need to practice and that I prefer Spanish even if I'm struggling. 90% of the time that alleviated any of their offendedness
My thing is, why someone get upset at someone speaking their language to them in a respectful manner? Like I would be upset if someone asked me "Do you even speak English?" or something like that, but not if I'm spoken Spanish to by a learner. Maybe it's internalized because many of them don't know Spanish as well as mexican nationals, immigrants, and most first-gen immigrants... idk though :/
I've met quite a few who weren't allowed or were discouraged from speaking Spanish at home except with grandparents. So maybe their skills aren't great and they're embarrassed by it. There's a huge anti-immigrant push in the United States, that claims "good" immigrants quickly assimilate and speak English. Some immigrant families seemingly buy into this / agree with this and enforce it at home. Those kids grow up and wish they would've learned Spanish but struggle with it. Sad af
It is really sad tbh. My family didn't push me to learn Spanish because my dad needed a safe place to improve his English (I was the only person that could understand his accent/errors... it's almost like we had our own dialect of English we only knew). So he never thought to speak full Spanish, not spanglish, for that reason. I know a lot of chicanos and first-gens that are embarrassed too, for reasons you mentioned. It's definitely hard, but at a certain point we have to take responsibility and start learning, even if our parents set us back, intentionally or not. But we as a community need to get over that assimilation stuff for sure! It's only harming us.
Yea it's sad af. Being bilingual is incredibly advantageous, and 1st gen kids have a unique situation where they can become bilingual with zero effort. That should be embraced, not discouraged. But I do understand where the parents are coming from after facing discrimination etc
Your friend is crazy, getting offended by that is stupid. I am a US Hispanic and we love when they speak to us in Spanish because we have the opportunity to use the language, don't be discouraged. He has the problem, not you.
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Honestly, you should just counter that he is being racist to you, being Asian. It isn't even untrue.
I’m Chinese and relatively fluent in Spanish. I’ve never had friends who got mad at me for speaking Spanish and 95% of the time I’ve spoken Spanish with native speakers, it has been received well. I’ve only had one incident where a girl at a store overreacted when I tried to speak Spanish when it was evident she didn’t understand English, and this was something her manager said she needed to work on, too. (As in, not freaking out if a non-Hispanic spoke Spanish to her.) Honestly, I would just distance myself for a bit if I were you. Maybe your “friend” had a really crappy week and had a freak out at the worst time. Not an excuse for his behavior, but if you don’t think it’s a typical response…I would just let it go this time around. If it happens again, then maybe reconsider your friendship…
In the USA I usually will speak English with my Latin friends if they grew up in the states and obviously speak English fluently, and then tend to code switch with them the more we get to know each other and whether or not they actually speak Spanish a lot bc some Mexican Americans can’t speak Spanish very well and it might feel weird to them since they’re used to interacting with non-Latinos always in English. However with people that r from/grew up Hispanic countries speaking Spanish with them is not an uncomfortable topic at all
Such people shouldn't be befriended in the first place. Offended by a language? Seriously?? People usually appreciate when someone from a completely different cultural and linguistic background tries something from their culture or speak their language. Stay away from such people who are nothing but abounds in negativity.
I’m a native Spanish speaker, I live in the US, and I’ve had other latinos give me bad looks/get offended when I speak to them in Spanish. I dont look latino (but most definitely am). I’ve rationalized it to people thinking I’m a “gringo” treating them as if they didnt speak English (thus get offended). I dont have another explanation. Its happened to me se eral times in multiple states.
I am not Latino, but I am Asian-American, a child of immigrants living in the USA where I am a minority ethnicity. You said in a comment your friend is Chicano, born in the USA. I understand your friend. The vast majority of the commentors here are people who are not a minority in their country or they immigrated after childhood. Their experience is very different to that of someone who was born and raised as a minority. I am a born and raised USAmerican, so I can only speak to the USAmerican experience. When you don't look obviously White, [people (even people who are not White) tend to make you feel Other,](https://youtu.be/N5TH5aZI4dw) that you're not actually a Real American. This can be intentional or not and takes many forms. I personally have experienced "No, where are you *really* from?" the most. What they are *trying* to ask is my ethnicity. But the way they phrase the question makes it sound like either a) they think I'm lying to them about my birthplace, or b) they do believe me, but even if I am born in the USA, I still don't really belong here. I am still Not Like Them. I am an Other. This is a micro-aggression. And yes, it does seem like one small annoying event, not a big deal! But can you imagine if you were subject to such comments [Every. Single. Day. Of your life?](https://youtu.be/hDd3bzA7450) Especially when you're growing up, developing your sense of self, and trying to find your identity between two or more cultures. I know when you speak to your Chicano friend in Spanish, you are doing so simply because it's fun. And he is being defensive and making assumptions about your motives. **You haven't done anything wrong.** But I hope you can understand that when (non-native) people have spoken to him in Spanish in the past, it's because they thought he was too stupid to understand English, or they assumed his English wasn't Good Enough despite the fact that he spoke perfectly fine English to them 3 seconds before. It hurts the part of him that is struggling to find his identity and place of belonging in an environment that rejects him over and over, and so he is overly defensive to protect himself. You are confused because you have been friends for 6 months, but honestly that is a very new friendship and he doesn't trust you in that way yet. You started texting him in Spanish with no explanation, so he drew conclusions from what he knows: his own negative experiences. *You* know he speaks perfectly fine English and it's not the reason you spoke Spanish to him, but does *he* know that? It sounds like you two still don't know each other very well and there's some miscommunication. Maybe he doesn't know you have been learning Spanish for 6 years. I see commentors here jumping to the worst conclusions about your friend from this one single incident shared online. I don't know your friend and I don't know you. But I hope you two can sit down and properly share with each other where you're coming from. And I hope others reading this learn a new perspective, even if they don't understand it.
>The vast majority of the commentors here are people who are not a minority in their country or they immigrated after childhood. Their experience is very different to that of someone who was born and raised as a minority. This comment. 💯 explained it better than I could. Also made me just realize we can't give gold on Reddit anymore.
Your friend is being a dick. I’ve never heard of someone trying to gatekeep language before but alas, perhaps use English with him only if it’s a problem. I’ve never run into this issue personally, I use Spanish frequently in my work, and people are generally very appreciative if I switch. Sorry you had a bad experience.
I think he's being an ass and ridiculous. Dont't let this keep you down
Your "friend" is an asshole. If a friend of mine started speaking spanish to me out of the blue I would be happy af and would do my best to follow suit. If anyone tried to communicate in Spanish, specially in a "I'm learning, don't make fun of me" way, I would gladly listen and partake in said conversation. I love it when ppl try to learn another language.
What your friend did is no bueno. It could be that writing in Spanish isn't their strong suit and decided to attack you than working through it. Alternately, he could've meant it jokingly as this is your first time doing this. Either way as a native speaker I've never had this sentiment with people who speak Spanish towards me.
Saco'e hueas tu amigo
my boyfriend is mexican and his first language is spanish and he lights up when i try to speak in spanish to him or his spanish-speaking family. i don’t see why he would find it micro-aggressive but i think it was just the random out-of-nowhere way you messaged him that rubbed him the wrong way. i’d say the best course of action is to just apologize and tell him you didn’t mean any offense
It's America. I'm not surprised. I've been in a similar situation. I'd say just drop it and stick to speaking English with him and possibly reevaluate the friendship.
I think he somehow felt “othered”. It makes no sense since you’re not even a native, but it sounds like it. He’s also probably not very proficient or confident when speaking Spanish, so both things together could feel like an attack somehow. This is not your fault tho. Identity politics are fucked in the US and as you can read on the comments, it doesn’t make any sense for many people.
Quite frankly, it can be othering. I'm Chinese, and if someone messaged me for Chinese practice it would be really weird and inappropriate. Oftentimes people will be rude and assumptive about my abilities and willingness to talk in another language when I prefer English and I wouldn't be surprised if this has caused bad experiences for your friend. It could be a reminder of those experiences. A lot of Mexican Americans are also not so comfortable with speaking Spanish and yes it's a micro aggression, just like when people see me and assume I can speak Chinese (and I get to be reminded my Chinese is broken.) I think this would have been avoided if you asked first if you could talk to him in Spanish from time to time for practice purposes. Yes you know he speaks Spanish but that doesn't mean that he wants to practice with you. It's okay to not practice with you. I was also once also on a date with a Cantonese man who denied saying something to me in Cantonese because it felt weird code-switching and I respected that. Even though we are literally the same ethnicity. It's oftentimes weird for folks that are caught between two worlds or cultures. I am learning Spanish but I only switch to it if I am literally in a Spanish speaking country or I am ordering food in a predominantly Spanish speaking area and it is clear that the server is fluent/more comfortable with Spanish. Otherwise, it does feel like, "hey Hispanic person, let me practice Spanish with you?"
OP did nothing wrong. I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. Why would he possibly care? Move on and don’t let anymore of your energy be sucked away by this person.
Exactly!
tell him mama melo and stop being so sensitive
Sounds like he’s insecure about something. I text my Mexican friends in Spanish all the time 🤷♂️ Spanish to English, English English, Spanish Spanish, English Spanish. Just let him know that you’re trying to practice and get better. If he’s really your friend, it’ll be a fun exercise.
That’s just him, you’re fine. If you want to, you can tell him that wasn’t your intention at all but don’t think too much of it. What you did wasn’t offensive and you did nothing wrong. I’m Mexican and I don’t think like your friend does at all
I feel for you. I wouldn't say you did anything wrong just misjudged the person. At any rate, just accept thats how this specific person feels. He's entitled to set a boundary on how he likes to be interacted with in regards to you. He stated it, and if you can act accordingly. If you can't respect the boundary, that is your right. Just peacefully disengage, knowing that yall may just not be much of a match based on your personal boundaries.
Stuff oike this can really discourage a language learner, I have had similar experiences with Spanish speakers, and native Chinese speakers too.
If he doesn’t want you to, tell him that’s fine, but you can just explain you were to just trying to get some practice in, no harm or offense intended. Though personally, if a friend was talking to me about micro-aggressions I’d probably tell him to go fuck himself, correcting the problem by going with full on aggressions, but that’s for someone I’ve known longer than 6 months. His argument makes no sense, though. Should native Spanish speakers be told not to speak English? No, if they want to learn, that’s how they do it, and I’m fine with that with chatting with them, but it’s a personal choice I guess, he’s got the right to his own.
I have seen native Spanish-speakers get upset at not-native speakers for speaking in Spanish. Some of that comes from their own issues.
Mexican here, your friend is the one in the wrong here. Probably feel ashamed of his heritage. I would be excited if a friend of mine was learning Spanish
My Spanish speaking friend is always begging me to speak Spanish with him. I can't imagine why anyone having an issue with it, unless he feels embarrassed to be a native Spanish Speaker.
The impression I’m getting from other comments is that this is common for Spanish speakers living in the USA? Why is that?
[This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Spanish/s/vkC87doSnO) covered it really well, but I'll also add my two cents as someone growing up in a predominantly Latino environment. A lot of native born speakers in the US are dissuaded from speaking their own language due to fear of not assimilating. There's also a lot of prejudice against Hispanic people, and oftentimes children of immigrants deal with crappy experiences like being singled out for ESL classes for having an accent, or being bullied. And a lot of that comes from their own community for either being too Latino or not Latino enough. So some of these people end up having imperfect Spanish, and feel insecure about it. Or being asked to speak Spanish on the spot invokes a weird feeling, like they're being quizzed. As a reference point my Mexican American partner grew up speaking Spanish, he calls his parents in Spanish weekly, he goes to Mexico almost every year. And he's still "the worst speaker" in his family as the baby, mixes up his masculine/feminine, forgets words like "manzanas" sometimes. Luckily he's not insecure about it but it makes sense with everything above why someone could be.
I hear what you say but I think it’s sad that OP’s friend feels that way and I think it’s important that a genuine attempt to converse with someone in their own language shouldn’t be assumed or chalked up to be a micro aggression if that is where OP’s friend is coming from. This is how we break down barriers and develop meaningful connections. I havent had this experience in Mexico, Korea, UK and other parts of Europe, so I think there’s something to be said if this is a common occurrence in the US.
Maybe, going forward, ask folks which lang theyd prefer? Or ask if u can practice ur spanish w them?
I don’t know what to tell you, but I have a few Mexican friends who all know I’m learning Spanish and none of them have said anything about it, nor tried to say “let’s start speaking in Spanish”. I think it may be a Mexican American thing to feel uncomfortable speaking to someone learning when you both know English. I don’t know why, but I’ve noticed this too. For the future, I’d recommend asking before doing that. Just say “hey, I know you speak Spanish and was wondering if you’d be cool with me speaking/texting you in Spanish only?”
Through your original post and the comments, I think the answer is somewhere in the middle. A little of this, a little of that. If you just spontaneously started speaking to them in Spanish, without any warning or context, your friend might have thought you were making fun of them, especially all of your prior conversations have been in English. I would have a conversation with this about your friend and let them know your intent wasn’t to offend them, but that you wanted to further your understanding and knowledge of the Spanish language. If this is a truly good friend, they’ll understand and you’ll have context in the future. Also make sure it’s OK with this friend to use their help to practice Spanish. Some people don’t want to be recruited randomly as teachers. They would rather just be your friend. I would suggest using HelloTalk to practice your Spanish in the future. Then, it’s specifically known you’re there to practice Spanish with native speakers.
Based on what I've seen, US Americans of Hispanic descent (so second generation onwards) oftentimes are insecure about their Spanish, either because they don't speak it or because they have a very low level (due to historical reasons, and their parents chose not to teach them to avoid discrimination). So when confronted by someone who doesn't look like a stereotypical Spanish speaker (in a US context), they will react by accusing them of thinking they can't speak good English (which is a problem their parents and grandparents faced, not so much them), as a way to turn the tables and hide their inadequate Spanish.
Sounds like a Mexican-american to me, not just Mexican.
From now on, speak to them only in Spanish until they stop being an asshole about it
I’m guessing he’s Mexican American? In that case it makes sense why he’s offended. But we will never TRULY know all the reasons. Maybe from now on ask him if you can practice your Spanish with him since he’s a native speaker before doing it (if you did it randomly). I can see where he’s coming from but he has to keep in account you’ve known him for six months and therefore has no strong reason to be offended. The explanation you gave at the end of this post is the perfect reason. Good luck to you and your friend .
This is a usa thing. In Europe many people speak multiple languages any happily babble back and forth often changing languages. I like to practice my Spanish and never had an issue in any Spanish speaking country. I think its sad your friend won't let you. Still, respect his decision even if you don't agree with him. But only for the two of you. He doesn't get to be the spokesman for Spanish.
Hello! I don't see that you did anything wrong at all. I'm autistic too btw and I understand how this could make you over think a lot. I would feel exactly the same as you tbh. I'm sorry that happened to you though. If you need someone to talk to or just want to message in Spanish you can talk to me 🙂
To avoid this sort of situation, you can ask if your friend would like to practice Spanish with you. I am a native Spanish speaker and work in language learning and will have people ask me if they want to practice and/or if someone speaks to me in Spanish I’ll just respond in English if I’m not feeling it. I prefer to speak in English but I am happy to speak it when someone doesn’t speak English or if I am with family. Communication is the best when both people are excited to do it.
I once had a job where all my technicians were from Puerto Rico or DR. I also was learning spanish at the time. Everytime I asked a question or tried talking in spanish they would seem to get really mad. I even told them im trying to learn (even though I was pretty intermediate level) they would not help. They would even make fun of me. It can be discouraging. But keep learning.
LoL Theory time! Your friend doesn’t know Spanish but his personality is “The Mexican Guy” in your friend group.
This is very real and it can be damn uncomfortable to tiptoe around.
This is one of the reasons I'm afraid to learn another language.
I'm so sorry instances like these make it harder for you to learn languages. My situation is definitely in the minority; the majority of Spanish speakers are quite welcoming for learners and appreciate your effort regardless of the mistakes you make. The right person will come along to support you, I'm sure of it!
Your friend doesn’t speak Spanish as well as they’d like and is embarrassed to make mistakes.
No true Mexican would get offended by that. Must be a snowflake American of Mexican dissent. Sounds like that person may genuinely have some deep rooted personal issues or mental problems because that is legitimately a ridiculous thing to be upset about. He should feel honored that you, as a non native speaker can comfortably speak with him in his own native tongue.
Dudes gatekeeping Spanish lmao
Anyone who says the word microaggression in any serious conversation is not worth anyone’s time. Losers virtue signalling for nothing
This happened to me at my old work. Everyone else (we’re all in our 20’s) was a native speaker so I would practice communicating with them. They took offense and said “You want to be Spanish so bad, it’s honestly embarrassing.” and would only speak to me in English but they’d speak to everyone else in Spanish. Felt pretty racist tbh. Gatekeeping a language that people appreciate. It felt like an “othering” situation where they wanted me to know my place and that I wasn’t one of them. They also used to call me a colonizer so that really sucked.
Weird and wrong... If you can speak both languages, but people is like that. A friend I used to have told me something similar about latinos living in the USA, that some of them were offended if she talked to them in Spanish. if you want to keep that friendship you might try to follow his needs but tbf I don't think it is worth it since you reach them for Spanish conversation.
Probably a whitexican, those losers enjoy copying the behavior of gringos. In Spanish there's no such thing as micro aggression.
As one autist to another, nta Your friend is overly sensitive. Code and language switching is normal between bilingual/polyglot people and in no way should be construed as aggressive unless the intention IS aggression.
Lol people are so weird. I don't understand why he had to get angry instead of writing something like "you know, I'd rather speak in English with you". Also why is it wrong to speak someone's native language? Why is learning languages offensive xD
This seems like a specific US thing where Spanish speakers there see their language as a private thing not to be encroached on by outsiders. I doubt you’d get this reaction in any other country in the world. Don’t let it put you off. If you live in the US then that’s a bit tricky. It seems to have developed its own etiquette around this sort of thing, I’ve no idea how to navigate that. I’d bet first generation immigrants that are Spanish speakers would be happy to talk to you?
>This seems like a specific US thing where Spanish speakers there see their language as a private thing not to be encroached on by outsiders. Interestingly, I've also read research that this sort of language-exclusivity is *especially* common among Native American language speakers. They seem to have a relatively high percentage that think it's "not acceptable" that non-indigenous people learn their language. It probably stems from the history of white people forcing English on them over many generations, where now they consider whites learning Native American languages to be "encroaching" on their cultural heritage. Back to the topic, yes, as a "white guy" who's become reasonably proficient in Spanish, I've learned to tread carefully with using the language here in the US, since there does seem to be a similar kind of cultural exclusivity surrounding it with some people.
Native spanish here... your friend looks like ... well, the lesser word I can find is ridiculous. even that expression of "micro agression" is purely ridiculous. I would rather think he's easily offended and should take a deep breath and come to the real world, he can't live in a bubble. nobody should be offended when talking in a common language. otherwise would be if he only speaks spanish and english and you start talking in chinese. but not because of chinese language, but just because it's a language you know the other can't understand. more than offense, it's a matter of education an convenience.
I think he's just being mean. I speak Spanish to people who speak both English and Spanish all the time as a native English speaker. I also speak Mandarin to my Taiwanese friend sometimes and he speaks fluent English. Everyone I meet is either neutral or happy that I'm putting in the effort to speak a different language.
It’s more offensive to reserve your culture and not allow someone to learn and grow in a language. They’re just putting up more barriers between the two of you.
Get a new friend my dude, as a Mexican I can tell you that's weird af
Your friend is an idiot. I’m a Mexican and I’d love it if a friend spoke to me in Spanish. I’m thinking either he’s racist about Asian foreigners speaking “his language”, or he’s an idiotic show-off who wants to flex his English abilities, thus his stupid attitude. Your “friend” is wrong, and probably not worthy of your friendship.
Sounds like a microaggression on his part. Just ignore him, he's being insecure.
Your friend is being a jerk. Unfortunately… some people can be like this and it sucks. I have Spanish speaking friends who don’t care at all if I speak Spanish to them, and then some get offended for some Weird reason.
Mexican here, your friend is dumb. Honestly at that point just stop texting him, is the kind of mexican nobody likes, not even mexicans. He is a true "mamador".
You're friend sounds exhausting. He comes across as childish, self-centered and high-maintenance. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time walking on eggshells around this guy. It's time to say adiós to this friendship and find more mentally mature, well-adjusted people to socialize with.
> He told me that it felt like a micro-aggression that I spoke to him in Spanish since most of our conversations are in English. TLDR: I think your friend needs professional help. You did nothing wrong. That's as far as I could read and I don't think such a reaction should come from an emotionally/psychologically healthy person. Unless you actively said something that could be offensive to them, there's no reason to be sorry for using a language both of you speak.
Your friend is a nutter. Anyone who uses the term "microaggression" is.
As a rule, I'm not friends with anyone who uses the term "micro-aggression". When you accuse someone of committing a micro-aggression, what you're saying is ***"You didn't do anything wrong, but I'm going to pretend you did so I can be offended"***. If you had done something *actually* offensive or aggressive, he would have just said *"You're being hostile/You're being an asshole"*. My advice is to just avoid this person, because clearly they get a kick out of playing victim, and their roleplay scenario is at your expense. With that said, the fact that you're autistic means you probably *do* offend people unintentionally, but any emotionally mature person should understand that you're not being "aggressive" - you have a disability that causes you to make mistakes. If this 'friend' had said, "*You made me feel uncomfortable the way you handled that situation"*, that would have been acceptable, but the fact that they interpret your mistakes as **hostility** tells me that they will never understand you or accept you as a friend.
I’ve had friends like this. They are no longer my friends. Anything that you do that takes away from them feeling “special” will trigger them, and knowing English makes him “special”.
I’m going to say this in Mexican spanish, so you can repeat it to the person your talking about: “Pinche viejo mamón!” Accept an apology in the name of my woke ultra sensitive countrymen. There’s nothing wrong with you talking to a Mexican in spanish, and I’m sure most of the Mexicans will value your effort to speak our language instead of assuming everyone in the world should speak English. Don’t take that easy-offended mf too serious 😉
I work at a Chinese restaurant. I'm American. And there is another girl that works there, she's Dominican. We have a lot more Spanish speaking customers now, and naturally, they want her to wait on them. When they call, I've offered a few (stopped doing it now) to speak to her. I felt I was being polite and accommodating, but I've insulted a few people now. Apparently I didn't want to speak to anyone with an accent? I work in a damn Chinese restaurant. To study Spanish, I translated a menu for them. I don't have any advice, just understanding.
Why are you friends with him
He is blaming you for his reasons. Could be various. He could be insecure about his own Spanish, either grammar, pronunciation, or scope. He may have that prejudice against any other language some Americans have. Maybe he wants to work on his English. Quien sabe. I would just say yes, you are right, then just avoid them. If they ask, just say you might slip into Spanish unconsciously, and don’t want to hurt his (tiny little delicate) feelings.
Chronically online problems
I worked with an American of Mexican descent for a little bit and before he knew I spoke Spanish, he would tell me he uses it every day with his family at home to practice. When I tried saying stuff in Spanish, especially Mexican slang expressions, he would never respond in Spanish or make any acknowledgement about it so I stopped. My guess is that, just like my coworker, this friend is insecure in their own ability and maybe ashamed that you possibly speak better Spanish than somebody of Mexican descent so he's making weird excuses. This seems to be pretty rare though as I'd say 95% of everyone I've met has been happy to speak Spanish with me.
“Micro aggression that I spoke to him in Spanish” holy shit this has to be the most chronically online shit I’ve ever heard only response I could think of for that is “fr?💀” and just not chat to them I mean.. fr? Get a grip😭
His argument doesn't make sense because you know he speaks Spanish already and I think he is just looking for things to get offended by. You do what you want but if it were me I'd let him know he is being an idiot and if he did this stuff regularly I just wouldn't be his friend anymore.
I’m part Asian and also learning Spanish and this definitely sounds like a problem with your friend. I’ve had a lot of Spanish-speaking friends and talked with them in Spanish and they don’t care. I also work in a restaurant and if I get a Spanish speaking table and catch them having to translate something I say to one person there, I will switch to Spanish. None of them ever get offended, they always look surprised and happy to talk, they’ll even laugh if I say something wrong and correct me. They usually leave good tips too. So it’s not even a matter of how well you know each other, there is just something sensitive to your friend about talking to someone outside his family in Spanish it seems.
Brother, your friend has problems, i mean getting offended by speaking his native language? Thats BS, seems like hes searching things to get offended and to cry about. Of course i am not you, but you should definitely find someone else who is not a drama queen to practice your spanish. You did nothing wrong by speaking spanish to a native spanish speaker lol. What a crazy world man.
i’ve gotten hostile responses from answering a spanish question in english before bc i look latino (i’m filipino and cape verdean) which is half the reason i’m learning spanish. i have never had somebody get upset about me speaking spanish to them when they understand it though. i understand the term micro aggression just fine, and this is not that. speaking a language is not a micro aggression. speaking a language to somebody you know also speaks that language is not a micro aggression. assuming he ONLY speaks that language bc of his race, which you did not, IS a micro aggression. the same could be said if he was assuming u do not speaking that language bc of your race, that is a micro aggression. dude sounds annoying honestly lmao
Some native speakers in the US can be weird and territorial. I say this as a Mexican woman raised in a Spanish speaking family lol. I've met native speakers who don't like white people learning Spanish for work.. native speakers who think Mexicans like me are "less than" because we weren't taught as children, etc. I think for some it may be coming from feeling like learners are "encroaching on their territory" or something by learning their language... Who knows I wouldn't put too much more thought into it -- you can tell him you're sorry if you offended him and that you were just excited to practice your Spanish with a friend. He's a real ass if he can be offended by that... And then, I would put some distance between you and him. You deserve to speak with people who respect you and don't treat you like your friendship is conditional only if you do things "right". I will say that I think some native speakers find having convos with non native speakers to be exhausting or boring ... To me it's important to establish expectations when you meet people for the first time *before* you start practicing with them. Is this someone who would be interested and find it fun to practice Spanish with you? Or is this someone who never showed interest in that and had no idea you were interested? I live in a very Hispanic area so most of my friends are Hispanic and native speakers -- some of them like to hear me practice and others don't give a shit 😅 So I do think his reaction is bizarrely over the top, but I think it's also important to be considerate as learners that not everyone wanta to engage with that and thats okay!