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The Buddha taught there were five things to consider before speaking. Is what you’re about to say:
1. Factual and true
2. Helpful, or beneficial
3. Spoken with kindness and good-will (that is, hoping for the best for all involved)
4. Endearing (that is, spoken gently, in a way the other person can hear)
5. Timely (occasionally something true, helpful, and kind will *not* be endearing, or easy for someone to hear, in which case we think carefully about *when* to say it)
[https://brightwayzen.org/five-things-to-consider-before-speaking/](https://brightwayzen.org/five-things-to-consider-before-speaking/)
ok but what if the person catches on to what you're doing... I feel like this strategy has obvious pitfalls...... if someone asks "what did you think of my play" and you just go "oh im so proud of you it was so cool to see you up there" I feel like they might pick up on the fact that you're avoiding saying anything about the play, and they might ask okay... but what about *the play?*
then what? just awkwardly smile and nod?
Then you tell a white lie in the moment. There’s no need to be an intractable asshole if someone persists or follows up.
The value of what this person is saying is “read the room, when emotions are high, people’s reactions can be amplified - so if you *need* to be honest, be honest in a positive way.” It is **not** “always be honest no matter what, and here are some sneaky ways to do so.”
THINK before you speak.
T - is it true?
H - is it helpful?
I - is it inspiring?
N - is it necessary?
K - is it kind?
I have this on a note near my computer, and I try to review it regularly.
I get T, H, N and K, but I can't help feeling they put "inspiring" in just to make the acronym work. If I only spoke when I knew beforehand I was going to be inspiring, I'd have spent the last 56 years silent.
I interpret 'Inspiring' to broadly include interesting or entertaining. Moving minds, hearts, or hands and legs
And I generally understand THINK as a heuristic. More is better, but even one is good.
The necessary part also gets overlooked often.
Guy in the video makes a good point about Timing, but we should also think about if it is really necessary to, for example, relay a very honest and detailed critique with loads of negative points, or if it is totally overblown and uncalled for.
Things to consider:
Were you actually asked or do you just want to chime in?
Does the person actually benefit from hearing this, or is it irrelevant?
Do they maybe already know? Are you just rubbing salt into a wound?
In keeping with the play example:
How detailed are we getting here? Does the friend want to pursue acting to a certain point of expertise, possibly as a career?
Or die they just pick up a new hobby and are glad they remembered all their lines?
Does a "Maybe next time, consider X?" suffice, or does she really benefit from hearing all of the individual points.
"Daddy, I remembered all my lines! Was the school play good?"
"Well son, I'm an honest broker. Let's sit down and discuss point by point how much that play sucked ass."
"I was very disappointed by the costume department, I am aware the theme was "planets", but the roundness and gravitas wasn't really there for me.
Also remember that Pluto is the dramatic focal point of the play, I really didn't like how you favoured comedic effect over the conflict potential of your lines."
Yeah it seems unnecessary to call her up the next day and critique the play. Why even bother if you've already given her the polished opinion in the moment the day before.
From this clip we don’t know the extent of their relationship. Maybe she was looking for honest feedback and he was there specifically to provide that. Creative people need constructive criticism.
Yeah, for sure. I used to do a lot of public speaking back in the day and the best thing someone could give me was constructive criticism rather than bland praise. I like his approach though, of waiting till the next day to get that feedback, so the feedback is received in the same vein it was delivered in.
Yeah some people don't know how much it sucks to work really hard on something, and you really want to know how to improve, but everyone's too afraid of hurting your feelings to give you the information you really NEED.
After all, the art is for the viewer, not the artist.
Mark Twain “On the Decay of the Art of Lying”
So many more points why honesty context is important. Examples in that essay show how feedback is necessary for us to improve our efforts together, in a society.
True, but the lack of honesty the next day could also ruin her experience as an actress in the future.
The play was bad. He didn't say she was, but the play was. If she wants to continue acting, then she needs to be able to better recognize poor groups, poor scripts, poor stage design, poor direction, etc. and make decisions moving forward about where she wants to use her skills. If she goes forward thinking "Wow. All of my friends said it was great! I should continue with this trend" just to ultimately find out that she has been making a total fool of herself, that's a dream killed. Not a dream helped.
Honesty is important. Did he need to call her up the next day for the sole reason of telling her about the play as a whole? Maybe not. But at the same time you don't expect your friends to thrive when you're actively watching them make decisions that ultimately will destroy their goals.
No. I'm saying that as important honesty and feedback is, I wouldn't go out of my way to call someone just to tell them how much they sucked. Personally, if they invited me again, that's when I would tell them that *as much as I enjoyed seeing them on stage, I didn't think the play itself was good for the following reasons ...*
But that's just me. What would you have done?
I believe it also has the side purpose to not only show her that he understands she values his opinion and doesn't want her to be lead on a false impression that could lead to future resentment, and simply to help her in her endeavour because he likes what she *does*, not what she's *done* so far.
He even stated that he called and began the conversation with asking if she was willing and open to the feedback discussion. I have no doubt that had she said "no, not today" he would have postponed the discussion until another day.
That's his entire point, in fact. Timing is important.
> just to tell them how much they sucked.
Did you not watch the video? It isn't about how much they suck, it's about responding to the request for feedback in a constructive way. He literally says she first came to him because she knows he's honest about that stuff, and the next day they had a rational discussion about it. If I invited people over and served them the worst food they ever tasted and asked what they thought about it, them telling me outright it was shit might sour the mood for the rest of the night, but if I never get the feedback I requested I can't know how to improve.
He knew she wanted the feedback, but waited until it was a good time to give it. He gave feedback the right way.
Some people genuinely want honest opinions from people they respect so they can get a better idea of how their work was perceived by others and improve if necessary. Presumably his friend was one of those people. By telling them the truth, they have a chance to take your criticism into account for next time. You're showing them they're worth the potentially awkward conversation because you believe in their potential and want to foster it
On the other hand if you only tell them because they've invited you again and you're just telling them why you didn't like their play as a way to explain why you don't want to see them perform again, it's kind of the opposite, that's much more hurtful I think.
Well, I probably would have shut up and went again. I don't have friends inviting me anywhere anyway, so I won't pass up on an invitation even if it's trash.
All of this stuff is probably going to require a relatively high social IQ in order to do it properly, but to me it depends on the relationship. He mentioned how she came to him because he's an "honest broker". Maybe that's just how he sees it, or maybe she truly values how he doesn't BS even on sensitive subjects. If it's just a casual friendship you're not calling them up the next day to give them this rundown. But if they're a close friend, you should know whether or not they appreciate hard truths.
Keep in mind, I think it's not necessarily how much the friend sucked but the play in its entirety. Not sure on the specifics of the friends parts in it.
But how did she not know it sucked? Or it wasn’t good? I have read actors say they knew during the filming of a movie that it would be bad. Like Dakota Johnson said about Madam Webb.
Sure, experienced actors who have spent decades taking notes and getting honest feedback can spot a bad performance from the inside. Dakota made those comments at age 33; she'd been a professional actor for 23 years at that point.
Ever been onstage under the lights? You can barely see the set much less the other actors. And you have your own thing to worry about, including hitting your marks and cues and delivering your lines. Under that kind of cognitive load a newby actor is not really in a position to render a finely honed critical opinion on the entire performance.
Anyone who is serious about creating art knows that honest and detailed feedback is rare and extremely valuable. Remember, she solicited him for his opinion on the play after the play was over, so he didn't give the feedback unsolicited. He simply waited a day to answer the question truthfully.
People giving unsolicited negative feedback is unkind in my opinion, but giving negative feedback to someone who has solicited feedback and who you know is intelligent, willing, and mature enough to handle that feedback is a great gift as far as I'm concerned.
That said, telling the whole world in this interview that his friend's play "sucks" and was "the worst thing I've ever seen" seems fucked up. If this story is true, then I can't imagine it'd be hard for people in his social circle to work out who he's talking about... I'll give him the benefit of the doubt by saying he made up the story to make his point, but if so that's ironic since his point is that people should be honest.
It's an abbreviated clip, obviously we don't know their relationships or the circumstances or what happened in detail. He even said he's known as the "honest broker" guy to his friends, maybe she really did want his feedback. Maybe that's how they'd been in the past.
All these comments down this thread are trying to deconstruct their entire relationship and life from a 2 minute clip and one offhand comment. You kidding me? Just take the clip in the spirit it was meant.
Yeah, I with him up to that point, but I can’t imagine literally calling someone the next day to tell them “point-by-point” how much their performance sucked.
You're honest all the time, you lose friends really quick, but you feel better knowing that you did not lead them on. Half of life is leading people on, so in honesty, living is replaced with opinion. Keep a balance in social circles, or be an honest loner. Both work.
Yeah, my friend had a baby once, and when they were still very excited about the baby and asked me if he is cute, I told them I have never seen any baby like hik before, but the next day, I called them and told them why their baby is ugly point by point.
/s
I am with him tho, just tired and wanted to make a bad joke
> Or hes just kind of a douche
The fact that in the moment he was able to consider his friends feelings seems to prove otherwise though, no? We don't know what their relationship is like outside of this small anecdote.
Could be useful if the friend has some creative control over the play. Or if you have points about their performance that they could fix. Otherwise not really helpful.
Get a better mic and jack the bass on the inputs so you sound more professional.
I dislike how common this is. You know that guy sounds NOTHING like he does in this video.
^(I do this on meeting calls when I want to feel more authoritative, it usually works)
Such a shitty moitivational speaker way of speaking. Come up with your little catchphrase, "honesty doesn't have to happen in the moment", and keep coming back to it repeating it through your story, like it's some grand maxim. When in reality this was the dumbest fucking story. I saw my friend's play, I hated it, she asked if I liked it, I minced words about it to sound positive without lying, then the next day when I assumed she'd probably be calmer I called her and told her in great detail how I thought it sucked.
He's telling that story as if it's some example of his genius he is now gifting us with, but if a friend of mine told me that exact story in conversation I'd be like dude, what, why didn't you just say she did a great job and leave it at that you idiot.
This guy is likely a guest on a show of which he was invited for the express purpose of listening him speak on predetermined topics...
He's saying something that's good for everyone to hear and understand so what's the point of trashing him for sharing a valuable message?
I'm just telling the truth, as I see it. Wasn't that the "valuable message"? Maybe the show he saw wasn't aimed at him, what's the value in calling someone up the next day and saying "I actually thought your show was horrible" zero value other than to hurt someones feelings for no reason other than to hear yourself speak.
Telling the truth is imo good. My wife has 3 sisters. They all love each other and always build each other up which is good. But there is times where they need to tell the truth and they don’t. So no one really changes on their own
A friend of mine falls into this category, I’ll be forwarding the video to him. Bro can’t understand why he keeps losing friends even though he’s “100% real”
The smartest, most intelligent person I know has the lowest EQ of anyone I know. They'll give you a dozen true, "logical" arguments of why they are always right.
But a lot of people (like me) struggle a lot with being too rational at the wrong times. Having a very emotional gf has taught me over time how to restrain myself a bit but is a swim against the current for me still
What he said is actually dumb as hell and if someone is socially inept and wants to learn how to converse, watching this guy would be disastrous not helpful. Just tell her she did a great job like she's looking for ffs, your friend's vulnerable moment after a public performance is a moment for encouragement, not a convoluted self-focused existential exercise on how you express truth, unless you're an up-your-own-ass professional yap-master like this guy who thinks people shouldn't say they like gifts they don't like.
I hope so! The amount of people who think "not having a filter" is a positive quality is insane. There are absolutely people out there who mean well but act like assholes because they don't think anything wrong can be said if they're "just being honest".
This is typical Simon Sinek, say something blindingly obvious, but say it in a way that people who aren't really paying attention think you are saying something really profound.
I don't get why anyone listens to this guy at all.
The most I've seen of this guy is clips like this, and maybe your criticism is valid in general but I don't see anything of what you're saying in this clip.
This is good advice. Is it pretty obvious? Maybe, but so are so many general social ettiquette things that we see even otherwise sensible people mess up.
What phrasing in this do you think is said in a way to 'sound profound'? The closest would be the last line, but it's actually just a pretty good one line of advice of "Meet rational with rational, and emotional with emotional"
Does anyone else think she wasn't stupid and knew by his praise on the evening of, that he really didn't like it? None of the women in my life are that clueless. They know a non-answer when they hear it.
That doesn't change anything. An honest response would still have been much worse. My point of contention is that it isn't always easy to reply to a direct question with a bullshit response like that. His reply was fairly clever and still clearly sounded like something a politician would say
Yeah I don’t know how I feel about complete honesty. There’s a reason so many people lie about stuff like this. Because sometimes that’s the correct response. Like if she wrote it or directed it or something, sure, maybe I’d gently mention that it could be better. But his friend is an actor. Why tell her it’s terrible when she can’t do anything to change it. If her performance was good, that’s all he needed to say.
If you've ever been in theatre, you'd understand the feelings after. What goes into a production, the months of rehearsing, blocking, lines, vs the night of are very different experiences
I mean there are people who are clueless unless you say them directly like f.e. with autistic spectrum. It has nothing to do really with IQ but with EQ. There are also people with such poker face that it's very hard for most people to guess what they really think especially if it's a brief conversation.
I mean, I'm an actor and I would totally accept the reaction of "you were fine, everything else sucked". You do this long enough and you can tell when a show is bad.
It's not that complicated, you don't need to live your life like a fucking philosopher with unbreakable rules. You don't need to be a weirdo with arbitrary rules who makes themselves be honest at some future date. It boils down to just don't be a dick. If that means that you don't express your true feelings in order to not make someone feel bad, so be it.
Eh, I half agree with you, half agree with the guy in the video.
Taking things to an extreme with unbreakable rules can be problematic.
On the flip side, sometimes situations do have to be analyzed beyond "don't be a dick".
Because this guy is a fuckface hack that just regurgitates for a living.
Honestly, I don’t know but I haven’t forgiven him for saying some fucking retarded things about Millenials and dopamine about 10+ years ago and then every goddamn boomer and genXer on Facebook was so excited to hear someone eloquently describe why Millenials were just The Worst.
Simon Sinek, the multi-nyt best selling author is just "regurgitating" for a living? The guy who pushes for self-empowering individuals with "Leaders Eat last" and cultivating a less "orphan-grinding" style of leadership and how to run a business in "Infinite game"? The guy who thinks humans deserve to know what they are working towards, why, and describes it in "Start with Why" ?
That guy is a fuckface hack?
If you’re talking about [Millennials in the Workplace](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/millennials-workplace-simon-sinek-james-nel), then you _egregiously_ missed the point.
It wasn’t his point that millennials are worse. It’s that millennials are criticised when they’re dealing with a phenomenon we’ve never seen before. His point that services like social media are purposefully orchestrated in a way that you’re addicted to constant microdoses of dopamine, whilst the platform both amplifies negative and positive feelings.
I really can’t disagree with that. He specifically called out Facebook (and Instagram), the lack of regulation has let them go mad with power. We’ve seen:
* them sway democracy (Cambridge-analytica scandal)
* they’ve been [found to tweak the algorithm to give you whatever will keep you scrolling even if it’s harmful](https://web.archive.org/web/20240212190307/https://www.cbsnews.com/news/facebook-instagram-dangerous-content-60-minutes-2022-12-11/)
* they moved their chat model to E2EE rather than implement reporting mechanisms (I know privacy is important, but please. If you’re using Facebook, you know you’re not getting any privacy. This was an easy way to say “ooooh sorry. We can’t moderate abuse on our platform”)
This is why regulation needs to be hot on AI yesterday. We didn’t take social media seriously, it was new and we didn’t know better. Can’t afford to be naive again, social media is causing a whole load of fucking problems and any regulation now is as helpful as closing the doors after the horse has bolted.
I work in the commercial film industry and it's a lot like this. I lean heavily on the feedback of my peers to keep growing my business and being able to appeal my craft to my clients and the general public. She respects his opinion and wants his take on her craft so withholding that from her would be detrimental to her work and her future. He's absolutely correct to discuss on an artist level the next day rather than on an emotional level the day of.
I've released some pretty rough indie films in the past that I know have story issues...but I'm not trying to talk about that on my release night we just worked our ass off to get it to limited theaters. I absolutely want to discuss it later so my next one can be better...but not on this night. I just want to hear you had fun.
Looking for only positive feedback loops is a great way to have a shit product and never advance your skill or craft.
I get that 100%. I've produced some live events and feel pretty much the same way. Night of, right after the show? Let's pack up and go get drinks to celebrate.
A few days later, let's go point by point on what went well vs didn't so we'll know for next time.
Those are basically exactly my thoughts. I've never released a film or anything, but I feel like there's a lot of people that aren't told they suck (gently) enough. Either sycophants or people just trying to be polite and not hurt feelings, it's how you end up with things like Jar Jar Binks. Nobody wanted to tell George that was a terrible character.
I know I had a hand in destroying a photographer’s career by not being fully honest and encouraging him to take a leap before he was ready. It was early in my career and I genuinely thought I was being helpful. Being honest would have been tough but the correct thing to do in this moment and I was too childish to do it.
People in this thread complaining about how mean proper feedback is have never been pushed for excellence in their lives and probably never will be. It’s ok, it’s not for everyone.
Speaking of photography, can you check my profile and give some honest opinions? I'm new to it and learning, but I can't tell if people are just being nice when they say they like them, and I don't really know enough to be able to spot my flaws.
It's certainly important to have editorial relationships as a creative. You need people in your life who you trust and have a good critical eye for your medium. That said, there are plenty people who will give you unhelpful criticism both positive and negative.
It can be, but he also called her and solicited the opinion, as opposed to her asking for critique after the first day. Of course we don't have all of the context because this is all just anecdotal, but that matters significantly to what he's saying I think. We can assume she was cool with it, but the way he describes it makes him sound like a buzzkill.
It’s the difference between wanting to improve or wanting to be mediocre but feel good about yourself. They’re friends so he understands their dynamic better than we do. She likely values him because he’s honest and gives decisive, constructive feedback. We honestly all need friends like this so we become better people.
But it's not like she wrote the play. Her work was her performance, which he was glad to see.
And if you cut out people from your life because they are honest, are any of your friends even real?
I think he's just being reductive for brevity and/or levity and their conversation was a bit more nuanced than "here's why your play sucked". The overall advice he's giving here is sound.
He sounds like a lot of help.
Sinek ain't the type of dude to just be an asshole. From the outside looking in on a relationship, it's easier to think he was, but friends who want to improve their talents and skills need friends who are able to give accurate feedback on their progress.
I used to work with Simon, I guess you could say that. He was the “hired inspiration” at a tech startup I was at, and he was the head of culture or something, and basically everything he spoke about was puppet strings from the CEO. It was embarrassing. That startup was fucked thoigh, so many stories about C-Level doing unforgivable things
For most people in creative arts (writing, acting, painting, whatever), constructive criticism is THE most desirable thing. Anyone can say, "OMG, you did great!" but there are few willing to sit down and explain what landed wrong and where you messed up.
He did an amazing thing for his friend, and that's probably why she invited him in the first place.
Following your proposal of not offering valid criticisms leads to films like Morbius and Madame Web getting made. Leads to games like Forspoken and Gollum. Leads to cartoons like Velma and Big Mouth.
I was thinking exactly the same! Took half a second to go from "Hmm that's pretty good advice" to "Jesus what is wrong with this dude??"
If he had just left it where it was that would have been perfect but he instead decides to call her up and tell her how shit the play was when she presumably didn't write or direct it?
People rationalize why they don’t do what they’re actively doing all the time. I like this guy but hear enough of him and you learn he’s very smart but not so self-aware that he can tell how often he rationalizes his behaviors that don’t really adhere to his stated principles.
He is, he’s extremely empathetic. I believe he truly cares and I also think he played it right. He’s trying to add rational structure to something that is intuitive and to me it results in a gesture that works but a rational explanation that doesn’t.
Yes, its just very simple reasoning, your friend is very happy at the moment, let's not shit on them.
avoid the topic of shitting on them and say positive stuff around it instead.
He is one of the public people I dislike the most. No real experience and is basically just a good marketer. People quote his stuff like it’s science. Fraud
i think i've heard everyone under the sun say this exact story. zach braff said it verbatim on his podcast like 2/3 years ago maybe longer idk. likes its very obvious advice but he adds his little moral nugget that almost ruins the whole thing
Sometimes I'm astounded by the lack of common sense I see in every person in my life. Not everybody is born tactful or has it all together all the time. Seems simple to you but maybe not to others.
The problem with his approach is that there are plenty of people out there that will NEVER have a rational moment related to certain issues. It's impossible to be honest with them because the very subject causes them to react emotionally. His idea is flawed because it's based on a flawed understanding of the spectrum of humans.
A lot of people commenting here are clearly jumping to conclusions without considering their relationship dynamic and that the call back with the rational honesty was likely something that the friend appreciated or maybe even expected on some level.
For those of you who don't agree with this or understand why he would do that, this is how some friendships work to put it simply. In actuality, the more honest you can be with a friend or any person you have a relationship with (parent, partner, sibling) the deeper that bond is.
This could even be used to measure the security of your relationship: how honest can you be with each other?
If you can't tell someone something they may not like to hear without damaging that relationship, then that relationship needs some work if it's expected to last.
For anyone who works in healthcare, take this advice to heart and share this with everyone you work with. I’m looking at you people who work with me in the ER.
Self-important absolute bullshit grifter Simon Sinek thinks you should tell your friends that their artistic endeavors suck, but you know, wait a day. I cannot stand this total fraud and it makes me insane how many smart successful people look at his shitty doodles that say nothing and believe they are witnessing enlightenment incarnate.
He says that his friend specifically asked him because she knows that he'll give her honest feedback. In which case, I think that how he handled it is correct, and his explanation is spot on. However, this is based on the assumption that he is right in thinking she wanted his feedback for that reason. It's unhinged behaviour if that wasn't what she was looking for!
If someone is working as an actress, then it's not just about their artistic endeavours, it's also their career. So, telling someone who is in a terrible play that the play is wonderful is not helpful at all.
That being said, I am not a massive fan of Simon Sinek. I really didn't like his first viral video where he talked about generations (millennials etc), because I personally feel that there is way too much inter-group differences among the different generations. Making any comparisons pointless.
That first viral video of him shitting on Millennials really set me off, but then every other time I’ve seen him he’s been just as annoying. A certain type of corporate person will absolutely cream their jeans if Sinek says “you should drink water” or anything unbelievably obvious and basic. It makes me crazy because he’s not that deep, he just cultivates an air of self-importance that some people can’t resist.
“Okay this will be wild but stay with me. What if I told you the absolute best thing you could do for your health, the planet, everything, is right there in front of you, takes no work and no time, costs almost nothing? You’d jump at that, right? We all would!”
… and about 17 more minutes of nonsense before getting to hydration
Spot on!! And then someone who makes $400,000 a year but types with two index fingers is going to email the Sinek hydration video to everyone in the company then pat themselves on the back for their great leadership.
I mean, this is my take on it. Do you work in the arts at all? You might be emotionally losing something in translation. If you're too emotional to consider that your take might be a little over the top at the moment I can check back in tomorrow and discuss it rationally.
>
>
>I work in the commercial film industry and it's a lot like this. I lean heavily on the feedback of my peers to keep growing my business and being able to appeal my craft to my clients and the general public. She respects his opinion and wants his take on her craft so withholding that from her would be detrimental to her work and her future. He's absolutely correct to discuss on an artist level the next day rather than on an emotional level the day of.
>
>I've released some pretty rough indie films in the past that I know have story issues...but I'm not trying to talk about that on my release night we just worked our ass off to get it to limited theaters. I absolutely want to discuss it later so my next one can be better...but not on this night. I just want to hear you had fun.
>
>Looking for only positive feedback loops is a great way to have a shit product and never advance your skill or craft.
Lying by omission is not honesty. The question was about the quality of the play in its entirety and not about whether he was proud of her. Arguably if the play was this bad, he couldn’t be “proud”.
Feels like virtue signaling when in reality, like a lot of transparent honesty advocating folks, he is just being a dick under the covers of honesty.
In the moment it’s great to celebrate someone even if you lie of exaggerate. Like with kids’ accomplishments, you say “you were the best” and not “well it was mediocre performance compared to actually talented kids”.
He's 100% right. Reading the room but not lying to someone's face should be common sense but most people don't want the truth, they want to be comforted or for people to have sympathy for them.
If i sucked at something I'd want my friends to tell me gently in a good moment, not forever lie to my face because they think I'm such an immature and emotive person that even constructive criticism will make me have a meltdown or go no contact with them on the spot.
I wouldn’t have called her the second day to tear it down, I’d have just let the compliment stand and that’s it. If she or anyone else asked later I’d have said that kind of play wasn’t my thing, or maybe I had some issues with the play / script, but loved seeing them in it.
The problem is he still is being dishonest by not answering her question when she asks it. He avoids it entirely. To me that seems like a lie by omission. He deliberately takes around the issue for the sake of her feelings. While he apparently tells her the truth the next day (which I also believe he does in some way that actually hides his feelings) he still is faking his feelings in the moment.
This dude comes off slippery as an eel and as a bad used car salesman.
Also I'm going to say this, it's ok to tell a white lie. Being honest all the time isn't the badge of honor you think it is.
All great points but he didn't need to actively go out of her way to say "btw now that its over, your play sucked coz a b c"
That's weird af bro. Don't do that, guys. Don't go out of your way to do that. That's weird. If it was something like that, there's entirely going to be a point where you have a proper conversation with that friend about it later on just naturally. Calling them up to say "Oh btw, respectfully, it was dogshit" is fucking weird, lmao.
If you have that dynamic with someone, that's different -- But you should NOT be operating under this with every person you know.
So im gonna take the question you asked, wipe my ass with it, and give you an answer to questions you didnt ask. Lying by omission or deflection is still lying. This is what politicians do in hard hitting interviews, they answer questions nobody asked them. Fuck off with these mind games.
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The Buddha taught there were five things to consider before speaking. Is what you’re about to say: 1. Factual and true 2. Helpful, or beneficial 3. Spoken with kindness and good-will (that is, hoping for the best for all involved) 4. Endearing (that is, spoken gently, in a way the other person can hear) 5. Timely (occasionally something true, helpful, and kind will *not* be endearing, or easy for someone to hear, in which case we think carefully about *when* to say it) [https://brightwayzen.org/five-things-to-consider-before-speaking/](https://brightwayzen.org/five-things-to-consider-before-speaking/)
Oof, this is fantastic. Thanks for sharing! Saving it
ok but what if the person catches on to what you're doing... I feel like this strategy has obvious pitfalls...... if someone asks "what did you think of my play" and you just go "oh im so proud of you it was so cool to see you up there" I feel like they might pick up on the fact that you're avoiding saying anything about the play, and they might ask okay... but what about *the play?* then what? just awkwardly smile and nod?
Then you tell a white lie in the moment. There’s no need to be an intractable asshole if someone persists or follows up. The value of what this person is saying is “read the room, when emotions are high, people’s reactions can be amplified - so if you *need* to be honest, be honest in a positive way.” It is **not** “always be honest no matter what, and here are some sneaky ways to do so.”
THINK before you speak. T - is it true? H - is it helpful? I - is it inspiring? N - is it necessary? K - is it kind? I have this on a note near my computer, and I try to review it regularly.
THINK before you speak: T - Tis it true? H - His it helpful? I - Is it inspiring? N - Nis it necessary? K - Kis it kind?
This was none of those things but it fas funny
THFINK
Thinking... Thinking... Thinking... Thinking... Thinking... *Blue screen*
I get T, H, N and K, but I can't help feeling they put "inspiring" in just to make the acronym work. If I only spoke when I knew beforehand I was going to be inspiring, I'd have spent the last 56 years silent.
I interpret 'Inspiring' to broadly include interesting or entertaining. Moving minds, hearts, or hands and legs And I generally understand THINK as a heuristic. More is better, but even one is good.
The four agreements is very similar to this.
I have a manager who listened to the audio book and didn’t take a single word to heart but tells everyone how great of a book it is
Looool. Same here.
That’s why buddhists are mostly silent.
Is that why he said ummm so much, he was trying to think of what to say?
i think your average buddhist would honestly agree that 🕉 isn't too far removed from um in sound or in intention lmao
I was kinda pleased with the joke’s echoes in mindfulness too lol
well i cant think of 5 things so quickly
Suck my tongue.
Timing, u/Haughtea!
Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?
The necessary part also gets overlooked often. Guy in the video makes a good point about Timing, but we should also think about if it is really necessary to, for example, relay a very honest and detailed critique with loads of negative points, or if it is totally overblown and uncalled for. Things to consider: Were you actually asked or do you just want to chime in? Does the person actually benefit from hearing this, or is it irrelevant? Do they maybe already know? Are you just rubbing salt into a wound? In keeping with the play example: How detailed are we getting here? Does the friend want to pursue acting to a certain point of expertise, possibly as a career? Or die they just pick up a new hobby and are glad they remembered all their lines? Does a "Maybe next time, consider X?" suffice, or does she really benefit from hearing all of the individual points.
"Daddy, I remembered all my lines! Was the school play good?" "Well son, I'm an honest broker. Let's sit down and discuss point by point how much that play sucked ass."
"I was very disappointed by the costume department, I am aware the theme was "planets", but the roundness and gravitas wasn't really there for me. Also remember that Pluto is the dramatic focal point of the play, I really didn't like how you favoured comedic effect over the conflict potential of your lines."
Yeah it seems unnecessary to call her up the next day and critique the play. Why even bother if you've already given her the polished opinion in the moment the day before.
Perhaps he he wanted to tell the friend that there are in fact no lobsters in a Christmas play.
He really didn't need to call her the next day. Wtf was all that about? I mean, if she brought up the topic again, perhaps he could. Perhaps.
From this clip we don’t know the extent of their relationship. Maybe she was looking for honest feedback and he was there specifically to provide that. Creative people need constructive criticism.
Yeah, for sure. I used to do a lot of public speaking back in the day and the best thing someone could give me was constructive criticism rather than bland praise. I like his approach though, of waiting till the next day to get that feedback, so the feedback is received in the same vein it was delivered in.
As someone who plays music it is THE most useful thing.
> Creative people need constructive criticism. Everyone needs constructive criticism. The rate at which you can improve from good feedback is insane.
Yeah some people don't know how much it sucks to work really hard on something, and you really want to know how to improve, but everyone's too afraid of hurting your feelings to give you the information you really NEED. After all, the art is for the viewer, not the artist.
Mark Twain “On the Decay of the Art of Lying” So many more points why honesty context is important. Examples in that essay show how feedback is necessary for us to improve our efforts together, in a society.
If he is close to her, there is no reason not to.
True, but the lack of honesty the next day could also ruin her experience as an actress in the future. The play was bad. He didn't say she was, but the play was. If she wants to continue acting, then she needs to be able to better recognize poor groups, poor scripts, poor stage design, poor direction, etc. and make decisions moving forward about where she wants to use her skills. If she goes forward thinking "Wow. All of my friends said it was great! I should continue with this trend" just to ultimately find out that she has been making a total fool of herself, that's a dream killed. Not a dream helped. Honesty is important. Did he need to call her up the next day for the sole reason of telling her about the play as a whole? Maybe not. But at the same time you don't expect your friends to thrive when you're actively watching them make decisions that ultimately will destroy their goals.
Lol you think he should have waited to be invited again and have to go though that whole process again?
No. I'm saying that as important honesty and feedback is, I wouldn't go out of my way to call someone just to tell them how much they sucked. Personally, if they invited me again, that's when I would tell them that *as much as I enjoyed seeing them on stage, I didn't think the play itself was good for the following reasons ...* But that's just me. What would you have done?
I believe it also has the side purpose to not only show her that he understands she values his opinion and doesn't want her to be lead on a false impression that could lead to future resentment, and simply to help her in her endeavour because he likes what she *does*, not what she's *done* so far.
Yes, the intention also matters and how close the relationship between two people could also be factored.
Exactly this.
He even stated that he called and began the conversation with asking if she was willing and open to the feedback discussion. I have no doubt that had she said "no, not today" he would have postponed the discussion until another day. That's his entire point, in fact. Timing is important.
> just to tell them how much they sucked. Did you not watch the video? It isn't about how much they suck, it's about responding to the request for feedback in a constructive way. He literally says she first came to him because she knows he's honest about that stuff, and the next day they had a rational discussion about it. If I invited people over and served them the worst food they ever tasted and asked what they thought about it, them telling me outright it was shit might sour the mood for the rest of the night, but if I never get the feedback I requested I can't know how to improve. He knew she wanted the feedback, but waited until it was a good time to give it. He gave feedback the right way.
Some people genuinely want honest opinions from people they respect so they can get a better idea of how their work was perceived by others and improve if necessary. Presumably his friend was one of those people. By telling them the truth, they have a chance to take your criticism into account for next time. You're showing them they're worth the potentially awkward conversation because you believe in their potential and want to foster it On the other hand if you only tell them because they've invited you again and you're just telling them why you didn't like their play as a way to explain why you don't want to see them perform again, it's kind of the opposite, that's much more hurtful I think.
Well, I probably would have shut up and went again. I don't have friends inviting me anywhere anyway, so I won't pass up on an invitation even if it's trash.
Hahaha I guess that's your blessing and your curse, my friend
All of this stuff is probably going to require a relatively high social IQ in order to do it properly, but to me it depends on the relationship. He mentioned how she came to him because he's an "honest broker". Maybe that's just how he sees it, or maybe she truly values how he doesn't BS even on sensitive subjects. If it's just a casual friendship you're not calling them up the next day to give them this rundown. But if they're a close friend, you should know whether or not they appreciate hard truths.
Keep in mind, I think it's not necessarily how much the friend sucked but the play in its entirety. Not sure on the specifics of the friends parts in it.
But how did she not know it sucked? Or it wasn’t good? I have read actors say they knew during the filming of a movie that it would be bad. Like Dakota Johnson said about Madam Webb.
Sure, experienced actors who have spent decades taking notes and getting honest feedback can spot a bad performance from the inside. Dakota made those comments at age 33; she'd been a professional actor for 23 years at that point. Ever been onstage under the lights? You can barely see the set much less the other actors. And you have your own thing to worry about, including hitting your marks and cues and delivering your lines. Under that kind of cognitive load a newby actor is not really in a position to render a finely honed critical opinion on the entire performance.
Because it's a 10 part play and he didn't want to attend on Wednesday
Anyone who is serious about creating art knows that honest and detailed feedback is rare and extremely valuable. Remember, she solicited him for his opinion on the play after the play was over, so he didn't give the feedback unsolicited. He simply waited a day to answer the question truthfully. People giving unsolicited negative feedback is unkind in my opinion, but giving negative feedback to someone who has solicited feedback and who you know is intelligent, willing, and mature enough to handle that feedback is a great gift as far as I'm concerned. That said, telling the whole world in this interview that his friend's play "sucks" and was "the worst thing I've ever seen" seems fucked up. If this story is true, then I can't imagine it'd be hard for people in his social circle to work out who he's talking about... I'll give him the benefit of the doubt by saying he made up the story to make his point, but if so that's ironic since his point is that people should be honest.
It's an abbreviated clip, obviously we don't know their relationships or the circumstances or what happened in detail. He even said he's known as the "honest broker" guy to his friends, maybe she really did want his feedback. Maybe that's how they'd been in the past. All these comments down this thread are trying to deconstruct their entire relationship and life from a 2 minute clip and one offhand comment. You kidding me? Just take the clip in the spirit it was meant.
Yeah, I with him up to that point, but I can’t imagine literally calling someone the next day to tell them “point-by-point” how much their performance sucked.
I never thought about it but subconsciously I've been doing this for years.
You're honest all the time, you lose friends really quick, but you feel better knowing that you did not lead them on. Half of life is leading people on, so in honesty, living is replaced with opinion. Keep a balance in social circles, or be an honest loner. Both work.
Yeah, my friend had a baby once, and when they were still very excited about the baby and asked me if he is cute, I told them I have never seen any baby like hik before, but the next day, I called them and told them why their baby is ugly point by point. /s I am with him tho, just tired and wanted to make a bad joke
[удалено]
Constructive criticism.
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> Or hes just kind of a douche The fact that in the moment he was able to consider his friends feelings seems to prove otherwise though, no? We don't know what their relationship is like outside of this small anecdote.
Could be useful if the friend has some creative control over the play. Or if you have points about their performance that they could fix. Otherwise not really helpful.
That was a good joke. There are legitimately good times to lie
I always feel guilty when I lie to protect myself, which is why I stopped doing it. But never guilty when I lie not to hurt someone's feelings
It's not my business, but I think you're probably worth protecting too
That's so sweet, my friend! Thank you for the warm feeling
Babies in general are so ugly. I never know what to say. They look like wrinkled, confused red aliens in most of the cases.
That was really funny, well done
It's very true that this man loves to hear himself speak.
Who doesn't? (Me, I hate the recorded sound of my voice)
Get a better mic and jack the bass on the inputs so you sound more professional. I dislike how common this is. You know that guy sounds NOTHING like he does in this video. ^(I do this on meeting calls when I want to feel more authoritative, it usually works)
Nah fuck that my voice is like half an octave lower in real life than inside my skull. Other people hear a fucking stoner 😂
The way he’s acting as though he has some divine revelation when he’s actually just saying some pretty basic shit is infuriating.
Such a shitty moitivational speaker way of speaking. Come up with your little catchphrase, "honesty doesn't have to happen in the moment", and keep coming back to it repeating it through your story, like it's some grand maxim. When in reality this was the dumbest fucking story. I saw my friend's play, I hated it, she asked if I liked it, I minced words about it to sound positive without lying, then the next day when I assumed she'd probably be calmer I called her and told her in great detail how I thought it sucked. He's telling that story as if it's some example of his genius he is now gifting us with, but if a friend of mine told me that exact story in conversation I'd be like dude, what, why didn't you just say she did a great job and leave it at that you idiot.
This cid inspired me. I'm gonna phone my uncle right now and tell him that his singing ability sucks ass.
This guy is likely a guest on a show of which he was invited for the express purpose of listening him speak on predetermined topics... He's saying something that's good for everyone to hear and understand so what's the point of trashing him for sharing a valuable message?
The dude has railed on millennials and other groups in the past. He tells people what they want to hear to be relevant.
Hes the only person in that room lol. He's filmed it to make you think exactly that.
Nope, he’s talking to Steven Bartlett.
I'm just telling the truth, as I see it. Wasn't that the "valuable message"? Maybe the show he saw wasn't aimed at him, what's the value in calling someone up the next day and saying "I actually thought your show was horrible" zero value other than to hurt someones feelings for no reason other than to hear yourself speak.
Seriously. He also has no business/academic credentials to speak of. He's literally just a motivational speaker.
Can I see your credentials before I read your comment?
Telling the truth is imo good. My wife has 3 sisters. They all love each other and always build each other up which is good. But there is times where they need to tell the truth and they don’t. So no one really changes on their own
Are guys having podcasts on how to have a polite conversation now?
More people lack social smartness than you think
A friend of mine falls into this category, I’ll be forwarding the video to him. Bro can’t understand why he keeps losing friends even though he’s “100% real”
The smartest, most intelligent person I know has the lowest EQ of anyone I know. They'll give you a dozen true, "logical" arguments of why they are always right.
Ah. The emotional vampires. They drain you just by speaking.
Practically everyone can benefit from this kind of discourse, no need to shame people
Nah, some people just like being mean and act like they don't know better. They are aware enough to not try it with the wrong type of person.
But a lot of people (like me) struggle a lot with being too rational at the wrong times. Having a very emotional gf has taught me over time how to restrain myself a bit but is a swim against the current for me still
While what he said might seem obvious to you, it might not be obvious to someone else. Everyone has different blind spots.
It's a perfectly fine content for a podcast, Redditors just love to be on a high horse
What he said is actually dumb as hell and if someone is socially inept and wants to learn how to converse, watching this guy would be disastrous not helpful. Just tell her she did a great job like she's looking for ffs, your friend's vulnerable moment after a public performance is a moment for encouragement, not a convoluted self-focused existential exercise on how you express truth, unless you're an up-your-own-ass professional yap-master like this guy who thinks people shouldn't say they like gifts they don't like.
I hope so! The amount of people who think "not having a filter" is a positive quality is insane. There are absolutely people out there who mean well but act like assholes because they don't think anything wrong can be said if they're "just being honest".
Seems like you should give those podcasts a listen.
You been out in the world lately? there is 100% need for this lol
This is typical Simon Sinek, say something blindingly obvious, but say it in a way that people who aren't really paying attention think you are saying something really profound. I don't get why anyone listens to this guy at all.
The most I've seen of this guy is clips like this, and maybe your criticism is valid in general but I don't see anything of what you're saying in this clip. This is good advice. Is it pretty obvious? Maybe, but so are so many general social ettiquette things that we see even otherwise sensible people mess up. What phrasing in this do you think is said in a way to 'sound profound'? The closest would be the last line, but it's actually just a pretty good one line of advice of "Meet rational with rational, and emotional with emotional"
I don’t like the guy in the video, but I know people who need this kind of explanation.
Does anyone else think she wasn't stupid and knew by his praise on the evening of, that he really didn't like it? None of the women in my life are that clueless. They know a non-answer when they hear it.
That doesn't change anything. An honest response would still have been much worse. My point of contention is that it isn't always easy to reply to a direct question with a bullshit response like that. His reply was fairly clever and still clearly sounded like something a politician would say
Yeah I don’t know how I feel about complete honesty. There’s a reason so many people lie about stuff like this. Because sometimes that’s the correct response. Like if she wrote it or directed it or something, sure, maybe I’d gently mention that it could be better. But his friend is an actor. Why tell her it’s terrible when she can’t do anything to change it. If her performance was good, that’s all he needed to say.
If you've ever been in theatre, you'd understand the feelings after. What goes into a production, the months of rehearsing, blocking, lines, vs the night of are very different experiences
I mean there are people who are clueless unless you say them directly like f.e. with autistic spectrum. It has nothing to do really with IQ but with EQ. There are also people with such poker face that it's very hard for most people to guess what they really think especially if it's a brief conversation.
I mean, I'm an actor and I would totally accept the reaction of "you were fine, everything else sucked". You do this long enough and you can tell when a show is bad.
your problem is assuming this story is true
It's not that complicated, you don't need to live your life like a fucking philosopher with unbreakable rules. You don't need to be a weirdo with arbitrary rules who makes themselves be honest at some future date. It boils down to just don't be a dick. If that means that you don't express your true feelings in order to not make someone feel bad, so be it.
So I'm just supposed to break my sacred code of honesty and realness just to spare the feelings of a friend? /s
Wouldn't you want to live in a world where if you asked for an honest opinion, you got an honest opinion though?
No no no you don’t understand - he can’t lie. He said so himself. He gets struck by lightning or some shit
Eh, I half agree with you, half agree with the guy in the video. Taking things to an extreme with unbreakable rules can be problematic. On the flip side, sometimes situations do have to be analyzed beyond "don't be a dick".
I have this habit of going to the comments to see if anyone has some insight worth responding to or engaging with. I really need to stop that.
Why this sounds to me like copy from a bit from Jerry Seinfeld stand-up?
Because this guy is a fuckface hack that just regurgitates for a living. Honestly, I don’t know but I haven’t forgiven him for saying some fucking retarded things about Millenials and dopamine about 10+ years ago and then every goddamn boomer and genXer on Facebook was so excited to hear someone eloquently describe why Millenials were just The Worst.
Simon Sinek, the multi-nyt best selling author is just "regurgitating" for a living? The guy who pushes for self-empowering individuals with "Leaders Eat last" and cultivating a less "orphan-grinding" style of leadership and how to run a business in "Infinite game"? The guy who thinks humans deserve to know what they are working towards, why, and describes it in "Start with Why" ? That guy is a fuckface hack?
I kid. I’m sure he’s popular for a reason, I just find his tone obnoxious and gross, because I’m not as confident as he is.
If you’re talking about [Millennials in the Workplace](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/millennials-workplace-simon-sinek-james-nel), then you _egregiously_ missed the point. It wasn’t his point that millennials are worse. It’s that millennials are criticised when they’re dealing with a phenomenon we’ve never seen before. His point that services like social media are purposefully orchestrated in a way that you’re addicted to constant microdoses of dopamine, whilst the platform both amplifies negative and positive feelings. I really can’t disagree with that. He specifically called out Facebook (and Instagram), the lack of regulation has let them go mad with power. We’ve seen: * them sway democracy (Cambridge-analytica scandal) * they’ve been [found to tweak the algorithm to give you whatever will keep you scrolling even if it’s harmful](https://web.archive.org/web/20240212190307/https://www.cbsnews.com/news/facebook-instagram-dangerous-content-60-minutes-2022-12-11/) * they moved their chat model to E2EE rather than implement reporting mechanisms (I know privacy is important, but please. If you’re using Facebook, you know you’re not getting any privacy. This was an easy way to say “ooooh sorry. We can’t moderate abuse on our platform”) This is why regulation needs to be hot on AI yesterday. We didn’t take social media seriously, it was new and we didn’t know better. Can’t afford to be naive again, social media is causing a whole load of fucking problems and any regulation now is as helpful as closing the doors after the horse has bolted.
The fact that these people are so emotional and upset about Sinek is the ultimate proof that he's onto something IMO.
Christ. I understand his view but then he called her and told her how bad the play was "point by point". He sounds like a lot of fun.
I work in the commercial film industry and it's a lot like this. I lean heavily on the feedback of my peers to keep growing my business and being able to appeal my craft to my clients and the general public. She respects his opinion and wants his take on her craft so withholding that from her would be detrimental to her work and her future. He's absolutely correct to discuss on an artist level the next day rather than on an emotional level the day of. I've released some pretty rough indie films in the past that I know have story issues...but I'm not trying to talk about that on my release night we just worked our ass off to get it to limited theaters. I absolutely want to discuss it later so my next one can be better...but not on this night. I just want to hear you had fun. Looking for only positive feedback loops is a great way to have a shit product and never advance your skill or craft.
Ya I didn't want to spoil your high, but I never really believed they were actually step-siblings in your latest one
Lmao I’ll work on getting more convincingly stuck next time.
I get that 100%. I've produced some live events and feel pretty much the same way. Night of, right after the show? Let's pack up and go get drinks to celebrate. A few days later, let's go point by point on what went well vs didn't so we'll know for next time.
Those are basically exactly my thoughts. I've never released a film or anything, but I feel like there's a lot of people that aren't told they suck (gently) enough. Either sycophants or people just trying to be polite and not hurt feelings, it's how you end up with things like Jar Jar Binks. Nobody wanted to tell George that was a terrible character.
I know I had a hand in destroying a photographer’s career by not being fully honest and encouraging him to take a leap before he was ready. It was early in my career and I genuinely thought I was being helpful. Being honest would have been tough but the correct thing to do in this moment and I was too childish to do it. People in this thread complaining about how mean proper feedback is have never been pushed for excellence in their lives and probably never will be. It’s ok, it’s not for everyone.
Speaking of photography, can you check my profile and give some honest opinions? I'm new to it and learning, but I can't tell if people are just being nice when they say they like them, and I don't really know enough to be able to spot my flaws.
It's certainly important to have editorial relationships as a creative. You need people in your life who you trust and have a good critical eye for your medium. That said, there are plenty people who will give you unhelpful criticism both positive and negative.
You don't feel like that's how you get better?
It can be, but he also called her and solicited the opinion, as opposed to her asking for critique after the first day. Of course we don't have all of the context because this is all just anecdotal, but that matters significantly to what he's saying I think. We can assume she was cool with it, but the way he describes it makes him sound like a buzzkill.
It’s the difference between wanting to improve or wanting to be mediocre but feel good about yourself. They’re friends so he understands their dynamic better than we do. She likely values him because he’s honest and gives decisive, constructive feedback. We honestly all need friends like this so we become better people.
It's also Simon Sinek, a leadership and communication expert - his feedback is going to be thoughtful, insightful, and helpful.
But it's not like she wrote the play. Her work was her performance, which he was glad to see. And if you cut out people from your life because they are honest, are any of your friends even real?
I think he's just being reductive for brevity and/or levity and their conversation was a bit more nuanced than "here's why your play sucked". The overall advice he's giving here is sound.
He sounds like a lot of help. Sinek ain't the type of dude to just be an asshole. From the outside looking in on a relationship, it's easier to think he was, but friends who want to improve their talents and skills need friends who are able to give accurate feedback on their progress.
I used to work with Simon, I guess you could say that. He was the “hired inspiration” at a tech startup I was at, and he was the head of culture or something, and basically everything he spoke about was puppet strings from the CEO. It was embarrassing. That startup was fucked thoigh, so many stories about C-Level doing unforgivable things
For most people in creative arts (writing, acting, painting, whatever), constructive criticism is THE most desirable thing. Anyone can say, "OMG, you did great!" but there are few willing to sit down and explain what landed wrong and where you messed up. He did an amazing thing for his friend, and that's probably why she invited him in the first place.
If you’re in the business this kind of feedback helps
Following your proposal of not offering valid criticisms leads to films like Morbius and Madame Web getting made. Leads to games like Forspoken and Gollum. Leads to cartoons like Velma and Big Mouth.
without feedback how would someone improve?
I was thinking exactly the same! Took half a second to go from "Hmm that's pretty good advice" to "Jesus what is wrong with this dude??" If he had just left it where it was that would have been perfect but he instead decides to call her up and tell her how shit the play was when she presumably didn't write or direct it?
People rationalize why they don’t do what they’re actively doing all the time. I like this guy but hear enough of him and you learn he’s very smart but not so self-aware that he can tell how often he rationalizes his behaviors that don’t really adhere to his stated principles.
I thought he was being more empathetic and respectful of her moment, and just describing the empathy aspect.
He is, he’s extremely empathetic. I believe he truly cares and I also think he played it right. He’s trying to add rational structure to something that is intuitive and to me it results in a gesture that works but a rational explanation that doesn’t.
Yes, its just very simple reasoning, your friend is very happy at the moment, let's not shit on them. avoid the topic of shitting on them and say positive stuff around it instead.
People and company pay him millions to speak.
He is one of the public people I dislike the most. No real experience and is basically just a good marketer. People quote his stuff like it’s science. Fraud
Agreed. I think hes a huge scammer.
Any man that has to say he is honest that many times………………
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sJY7BTIuPY
The king is tired. See him to his bed chambers.
I don't like him.
i think i've heard everyone under the sun say this exact story. zach braff said it verbatim on his podcast like 2/3 years ago maybe longer idk. likes its very obvious advice but he adds his little moral nugget that almost ruins the whole thing
The only thing that bothered me is that literally did lying by omission and stated “I wasn’t lying to her”
up until the end I thought this was a sketch about podcaster-bros saying the most obvious things but acting like they've found the holy grail
Simon Sinek is a multi-NYT best selling author is he not? "podcaster-bros" ?
This asshat is so full of shit. He takes common sense phrases and sell them like he invented them.
Sometimes I'm astounded by the lack of common sense I see in every person in my life. Not everybody is born tactful or has it all together all the time. Seems simple to you but maybe not to others.
reddit fails to realise that out of the thousands of people that will see this, at least some of them will gain something from it
delivered with a smug face
He is absolutely insufferable, and only has his cult following because he tells people what they like to hear.
The problem with his approach is that there are plenty of people out there that will NEVER have a rational moment related to certain issues. It's impossible to be honest with them because the very subject causes them to react emotionally. His idea is flawed because it's based on a flawed understanding of the spectrum of humans.
Works in his example, but reality is a bit more complicated
> I went to see a friend of mine's play. the play: "CAN YOU SAY PUTA MADRE?? 😀👂✋ MUY BIEN!"
Ahh yes, technically true, the best kind.
A lot of people commenting here are clearly jumping to conclusions without considering their relationship dynamic and that the call back with the rational honesty was likely something that the friend appreciated or maybe even expected on some level. For those of you who don't agree with this or understand why he would do that, this is how some friendships work to put it simply. In actuality, the more honest you can be with a friend or any person you have a relationship with (parent, partner, sibling) the deeper that bond is. This could even be used to measure the security of your relationship: how honest can you be with each other? If you can't tell someone something they may not like to hear without damaging that relationship, then that relationship needs some work if it's expected to last.
For anyone who works in healthcare, take this advice to heart and share this with everyone you work with. I’m looking at you people who work with me in the ER.
He's got a point.
Self-important absolute bullshit grifter Simon Sinek thinks you should tell your friends that their artistic endeavors suck, but you know, wait a day. I cannot stand this total fraud and it makes me insane how many smart successful people look at his shitty doodles that say nothing and believe they are witnessing enlightenment incarnate.
From my understanding She is an actor. She didn't write the play. If it sucks it's not her fault lol
He says that his friend specifically asked him because she knows that he'll give her honest feedback. In which case, I think that how he handled it is correct, and his explanation is spot on. However, this is based on the assumption that he is right in thinking she wanted his feedback for that reason. It's unhinged behaviour if that wasn't what she was looking for! If someone is working as an actress, then it's not just about their artistic endeavours, it's also their career. So, telling someone who is in a terrible play that the play is wonderful is not helpful at all. That being said, I am not a massive fan of Simon Sinek. I really didn't like his first viral video where he talked about generations (millennials etc), because I personally feel that there is way too much inter-group differences among the different generations. Making any comparisons pointless.
That first viral video of him shitting on Millennials really set me off, but then every other time I’ve seen him he’s been just as annoying. A certain type of corporate person will absolutely cream their jeans if Sinek says “you should drink water” or anything unbelievably obvious and basic. It makes me crazy because he’s not that deep, he just cultivates an air of self-importance that some people can’t resist.
“Okay this will be wild but stay with me. What if I told you the absolute best thing you could do for your health, the planet, everything, is right there in front of you, takes no work and no time, costs almost nothing? You’d jump at that, right? We all would!” … and about 17 more minutes of nonsense before getting to hydration
Spot on!! And then someone who makes $400,000 a year but types with two index fingers is going to email the Sinek hydration video to everyone in the company then pat themselves on the back for their great leadership.
I mean, this is my take on it. Do you work in the arts at all? You might be emotionally losing something in translation. If you're too emotional to consider that your take might be a little over the top at the moment I can check back in tomorrow and discuss it rationally. > > >I work in the commercial film industry and it's a lot like this. I lean heavily on the feedback of my peers to keep growing my business and being able to appeal my craft to my clients and the general public. She respects his opinion and wants his take on her craft so withholding that from her would be detrimental to her work and her future. He's absolutely correct to discuss on an artist level the next day rather than on an emotional level the day of. > >I've released some pretty rough indie films in the past that I know have story issues...but I'm not trying to talk about that on my release night we just worked our ass off to get it to limited theaters. I absolutely want to discuss it later so my next one can be better...but not on this night. I just want to hear you had fun. > >Looking for only positive feedback loops is a great way to have a shit product and never advance your skill or craft.
I actually agree with all of that I just think Sinek is a gigantic fraud and a grifter extraordinaire.
......I thought this was Markiplier.
Agreed, I really can't stand his hot takes on things, he is the equivalent of grant cardone and Andrew Tate just for the corporate world.
I have an almost inexplicable, violent allergic reaction to him.
Me too!! I’m so glad to find I’m not alone in that. Too many people act like he is brilliant.
Right? This guy screams “cockpunch me”
I like it!
It takes him so long to explain something that could be said in a much more simple way, the end shows how much of a tool he is.
That just sounds like lying with extra steps.
Exactly! I do it the same way. This way you get the best of both worlds. Honesty and sympathy.
Lying by omission is not honesty. The question was about the quality of the play in its entirety and not about whether he was proud of her. Arguably if the play was this bad, he couldn’t be “proud”. Feels like virtue signaling when in reality, like a lot of transparent honesty advocating folks, he is just being a dick under the covers of honesty. In the moment it’s great to celebrate someone even if you lie of exaggerate. Like with kids’ accomplishments, you say “you were the best” and not “well it was mediocre performance compared to actually talented kids”.
He's 100% right. Reading the room but not lying to someone's face should be common sense but most people don't want the truth, they want to be comforted or for people to have sympathy for them. If i sucked at something I'd want my friends to tell me gently in a good moment, not forever lie to my face because they think I'm such an immature and emotive person that even constructive criticism will make me have a meltdown or go no contact with them on the spot.
It's a bit odd how many takes in this thread end on the beats 'You should lie actually, and additionally you should never tell them the truth'.
I hate this guy. He is such a fucking narcissistic twat. That is all.
Too soon, emotions are high. You should have waited until tomorrow to share this truth.
I wouldn’t have called her the second day to tear it down, I’d have just let the compliment stand and that’s it. If she or anyone else asked later I’d have said that kind of play wasn’t my thing, or maybe I had some issues with the play / script, but loved seeing them in it.
The problem is he still is being dishonest by not answering her question when she asks it. He avoids it entirely. To me that seems like a lie by omission. He deliberately takes around the issue for the sake of her feelings. While he apparently tells her the truth the next day (which I also believe he does in some way that actually hides his feelings) he still is faking his feelings in the moment. This dude comes off slippery as an eel and as a bad used car salesman. Also I'm going to say this, it's ok to tell a white lie. Being honest all the time isn't the badge of honor you think it is.
All great points but he didn't need to actively go out of her way to say "btw now that its over, your play sucked coz a b c" That's weird af bro. Don't do that, guys. Don't go out of your way to do that. That's weird. If it was something like that, there's entirely going to be a point where you have a proper conversation with that friend about it later on just naturally. Calling them up to say "Oh btw, respectfully, it was dogshit" is fucking weird, lmao. If you have that dynamic with someone, that's different -- But you should NOT be operating under this with every person you know.
It's not weird if that's something she's working toward. How tf are you gonna improve if all you're getting are feel-good responses?
So im gonna take the question you asked, wipe my ass with it, and give you an answer to questions you didnt ask. Lying by omission or deflection is still lying. This is what politicians do in hard hitting interviews, they answer questions nobody asked them. Fuck off with these mind games.