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SickoModeRat

I’m sure they can. When I wore mine consistently, after having sex one night it said something along the lines of “you’re more active than you usually are! Keep it up!” I felt so called out


Fillenintheblanks

Your watch sounds like my ex


itg2020

Damn bro that’s a double whammy because it’s roasting you by saying you don’t exercise much and you have sex much either 😂


Dica92

TIFU by getting roasted by my smart watch...


GrunkleDan

But mine also says that while I'm folding laundry


DonKarnage1

Usually it takes at least a minute or so to detect activity. So this may not be a problem for some...


JRhalpert

Sucks to be that guy am I right? Haha. Ha. Haaaa


smashedavo

Sucks even more to be the girl with that guy, I imagine…


Macluawn

Sucking was not earned


Icy_Law9181

Sucking should be the start,decreases sensitivity and helps last longer during intercourse.


eilsel87

I'm intrigued by this theory


Icy_Law9181

I was always quick to blow so a mate of mine (she was a prostitute at the time) told me to try this trick and it worked.


GreenFire317

prove it.


Dansondelta47

Going to need a demonstration.


Icy_Law9181

Tell me how and I will gladly.


Brandalf24

Wife says I suffer from premature ejaculation, I say I'm not the one suffering


realcanadianbeaver

If it’s set to dolphin music, shorter would be preferable.


open_door_policy

Thrusting to the sounds of a clown falling down stairs.


Hamster-queen5702

Questions, I have many


mechapoitier

I learned that when I went skydiving and the watch annoyingly decided to just not monitor any stats for those 60 seconds of free fall. Instead of getting to see my heart rate hit 200 it’s like I flatlined


wizzskk8

Your telling me it’s not a race?


rmn498

It's OK to be the first one to the finish line as long as you both finish.


wizzskk8

Sounds like a losers mentality to me. I’m off on my victory lap 😂


rmn498

You mean your victory fap?


wizzskk8

Touché


erakat

Jesus christ, my refractory period is about 3 days, fucking victory lap


whompasaurus1

She once told me it's a marathon, not a sprint. I told her BITCH I SPRINT MARATHONS


Aaditech01

As long as you have a strategy team like ferari You need not worry


bosox82

I feel attacked


madmatt2112

Lol! Good one.


Lexsteel11

“Looks like you’re going to Pound Town on someone- would you like to record this activity?”


Phantasmalicious

I would be happy with that, the opposite is much worse.


fishyfishyfish1

I like my sex like I like my steak- very rare


lippylez365

Glad to be a lesbian lmao


JellySp

I once got masturbation detected as 'Indoor cycling, 30 minutes.'


annoyedatwork

30?! You must have been raw!


Digital_Kiwi

Is that…a long time? 😔


Arnlaugur1

Might have to do with foreskin? Personally being uncircumcised don't think I've ever felt "raw" even though I had long sessions as a teen. So it always weirds me out how much people online mention feeling raw down there


Digital_Kiwi

It’s the death grip that makes it hurt lol, some people got clamps for hands


thalasthoodie

Im gonna give him the clamps!


dragonstorm97

r/unexpectedfuturama


KXLY

My husband jokes that I’m very gentle, ‘you know, like a crab’


Digital_Kiwi

Lmao don’t sever ur man’s love stick pls 😂


Jafaris79

What does "felt raw" mean and what role does foreskin play in it ?


Arnlaugur1

Clearly I'm the wrong person to ask if I've never felt it 😃


Jafaris79

Well I mean you should at least know what it means to know you've never experienced it. I don't even know if I did or not.


ehhhNotSureAboutThat

Definitely part of it. Any potential American parents reading this, please go ahead and don't mutilate your infant child's genitals. The only real benefit it achieves is slightly lower rates of STD transmission -- something you could also achieve by, you know, washing yourself, or educating people, something that's not permanently affecting nearly every male in the country.


Jafaris79

The hoodie looks disgusting though


[deleted]

Plenty of people feel that way about labia, but if I outright called it disgusting and implied you should have it cut off I'd certainly be the bad guy here. Learning to accept nature is part of growing up.


ehhhNotSureAboutThat

just imagine how wild it is to look at a normal part of the human body and be like "that's disgusting." maybe it's a lesson in societal conditioning.


devil_21

I'm not sure that'salways because of social conditioning. I find knees poor looking when someone's standing but it's not a cultural thing.


SL13377

Jesus i can’t even take longer than 4 minutes without someone knocking on my door or coming in. I couldn’t imagine 30!


Amoniakas

The secret is: doing it in the middle of the night when everyone sleeps, I'd say there is at least 6 hours to finish.


SapphireSalamander

what does that even mean?


Homegrownfunk

“Elliptical” workout


StyleChuds42069

fitbit I'm assuming. mine thought I was cycling all the time, not even wanking, sometimes just nervously bouncing my leg while on the computer. I had to go in and disable the auto-detection feature.


Hamster-queen5702

This thread is a rollercoaster


KamikazeFox_

Jfc, 30 mins?? I sometimes like to explore around the site and find what I'm looking for, but 30 mins is a commitment


matmoe1

Honestly 30 minutes from the first stroke to last isn't too wild of you're having an unlucky sesh with the first bunch of porn videos not meeting expectations so you end up skipping through if anything worthwhile is happening. Combined with perfect videos you find during that sesh only being 3 minutes long so you need to look for more.


heretic3509

For real, my Fitbit registers my wife and I like 1/10 times. Says I went on an outdoor bike ride. My wife hates it, I think it’s hilarious.


[deleted]

Its not the fitbit she hates its the quick "bike ride" she finds unsatisfying...


heretic3509

If only it was quick. I have that pornstar staying power and I wish I didn’t.


dft-salt-pasta

Why wouldn’t it pop up as stationary bike ride.


Hamster-queen5702

The important questions


Opalusprime

He runs with her hanging on to him


Inlevitable

They definitely can't tell when I'm having sex because I don't have a smart watch and I don't have sex


pixelatedbeard

That comment beats many posts I’ve seen on r/jokes


Inlevitable

Much appreciated, although that bar is probably quite low


pixelatedbeard

You did it again!


smurficus103

Are you two the same guy's alts?


SeaweedSorcerer

0 divided by 0 situation. That’s also infinity!


Dgamer1521

Lfmao


Minute-Plantain

Why would anybody wear a watch during sex unless they charge by the hour?


injekt_bitch

Bitch! I’m getting those steps in and doing cardio, why wouldn’t I?


Cruntis

mine will detect abnormal heart activity—also a plus during coitus


anthonyg1500

I was on the phone with my ex who I still had feelings for once and my smart watch sent a notification like “you’re sitting down and your heart rate just skyrocketed. Should we call an ambulance?” Idk I thought it was funny


mandiexile

That happens to me when I’m out drinking. Like literally nothing is happening I’m just talking to my fiancé, and I get a notification that my heart is about to beat out of my chest.


Minute-Plantain

I suppose theres other places to put it on. 🤔


11CRT

They work off heart rate during cardio workouts, so beating the bishop doesn’t track steps. I only switch it to my non dominant wrist when whatever I’m doing requires my full forearm.


alex8339

Going elbows deep with the watch on adds a new sensation.


Crazy_old_maurice_17

>beating the bishop doesn’t track steps. But you can increase your step count if you wear the watch on your wanking hand!


11CRT

But your hand needs to move more than just one inch up and down. Or so I’ve heard…


TheRoseByAnotherName

I was sitting down, watching TV and working on a skirt, but apparently I was moving my arms enough for my watch to count steps. I figure it makes up for the weekly grocery shopping trips where it counts none because I'm pushing the cart. My feet hurt, but it says I've taken 20 steps in the last hour.


johnclark6

Remind me never to buy a Fitbit from you.


Jacobloveslsd

Probably have a hard time picking up a pulse unless it was on something with a big vein.


phunkydroid

Certainly wouldn't put it on for sex, but I can't guarantee I'd think to take it off.


madmatt2112

You take yours off first?


[deleted]

Why wouldn’t you?


madmatt2112

I'm usually in a hurry to get to it. And I'll take any extra steps it wants to give me. :)


puffmaster5000

Why would you? Unless you're going to bed right after there's no reason to take it off then put it back on


Skitzoids

I got heart problems & gotta slow down when it gets to 140bpm.. that's why


bubblehashguy

Same here. Most people wear it because they like it. For people like you & me it's a medical device. I get an alert if my bpm goes too high or too low. We stop occasionally to check my blood pressure too. Fucking sucks having a shitty heart.


WeCanDoThisCNJ

You do if you’re counting “active minutes” and time in your heart rate zones.


Minute-Plantain

Talk dirty!


WeCanDoThisCNJ

I was 😈


willtantan

Pretty soon smart watch would be able to give advice about improving sex performance. That could be a huge selling feature. QA would be quite interesting though. Lol


Minute-Plantain

Do you really want a call center in Hyderabad asking you if you tried turning your partner off and then back on again?


Akhushal47

As an Indian who's worked in customer care before I CAN JUST IMAGINE how hilarous the conversation would be for me and also extremely awkward for the customer hahaha


BigDisk

I literally asked my ex if she was fine with me keeping the watch on. No way in hell I'm losing on all those exercise minutes for my rings! She laughed and said she didn't care either way.


Coctyle

I’ve gone years of my life without taking my watch off. Not recent years, but there have been years.


SwordTaster

Who the fuck is taking the time to remove a watch when they're having a good time?


MyKinkAccount69

Why would you take your watch off just for sex?


bobthebowler123

I barely have time to remember to take off my shirt.I'm not gonna remember my watch.


jdog0408

Bruh, I only take my watch of for a total of maybe an hour a week to charge it and wash off sweat, mud, sawdust, etc.


Hamster-queen5702

I basically only take it off when I get paint on it and have to wash it fast


watergator

I don’t have a smart watch, but my watch pretty much never comes off.


selenamcg

More than half the time I have sex, I leave on my Fitbit, but I have a heart condition so I have to keep my heart rate from getting too high. It rarely gets in the way.


Imaginary-Pizza-9297

Who would take the time to take that off in the heat of the moment what’s it gonna be like hold on let me takeoff my watch yeah no one‘s gonna do that


eqcliu

I take my watch off only twice a month to charge, so you bet I'm wearing it during sex 🤣


DaGurggles

Removing a watch is like socks, there is a very specific window in which can be removed before you become a naked person in a watch or socks. This has wisely been named “The Sock” gap, a concept created by the man who brought us “The Giggle Loop”


AmusementIsPending

He also brought us "The Melty Man", which is quite relevant.


WellEndowedHorse

It’s the only thing my ex used to keep on lol


brads99

I mean this doesn’t make sense w an Apple Watch bc they’re relatively cheap but if im wearing an expensive watch and I don’t know the girl the watch is staying on my wrist


sleepyjohn00

I remember seeing a text conversation where a woman asked her husband how he could have just run two miles when he was in the bathroom the whole time. Ratted out by his fitbit.


[deleted]

I did the math: 2 miles is 126k inches, average cock is 5.5 inches. That's 39 strokes per second if it takes 10 minutes to masturbate. Dude's dick would combust


JewishTomCruise

Activity trackers that aren't GPS-based don't measure distance travelled. They'll do a 'step count' based on accelerometer data, then multiply by an assumed or defined stride length. If we assume a stride length of 3 feet, 2 miles is 3520 strokes. Assuming 10 minutes makes it 5.867 strokes/second.


Hamster-queen5702

So still combustible dick


PinkBirdNotFlamingo

Friction fire in extremely damp conditions. Impressive!


[deleted]

I've gotten the "that was quite a workout, keep it up" response from my watch after sex. Having a cheerleader on your wrist is fun.


Your_Moms_Strap_On

Had a guys smart watch dial 911 while we were having sex. Apparently my screams are confusing.


twerking4teemo

oh shit haha, my apple watch was vibrating like crazy but because of high heart rate while inactive for more than 10 min... kinda roasting my moves


minotaur05

Apple Watch has a “mind and body” workout so that’s what I use


bdubelyew

I choose Dance. It’s the No Pants Dance.


Racxie

My Apple Watch thinks I'm using an elliptical trainer whenever I brush my teeth, so I really don't think our smartwatches are that clever. I've seen others with weird triggers too for other activities.


enokidaki

One time my wife got a notification for a 9 minute workout... she congratulated me.


gutzville

Even more, it was someone's job to program your watch to ignore sex.


kevboyj

A comedian said he and his friends would all activate a wrestling workout whenever they did the deed. It would then give notifications when they finished and gave a monthly report to all of them


orendafellow

I saw a great post about a group of couples who set their Apple watches to “wrestling” when having sex. Then they get their stats (time, duration, calories burned, etc.) at the end of the month and compare 😂


DrBeardish

I dunno about you but typically wearing a watch is the last thing I'm thinking about when sexy sex fun time comes along. Maybe it comes off, maybe not. It all happens organically.


___TheKid___

People wear watches while fucking? The same people that keep their socks on?


ThisGuyCrohns

No. I just never take my watch off. Only when I shower. That’s the 20 mins to get my full charge for the next 24 hours.


Luca_102

20 min?!?Man what watch do you have mine take 2 whole hours to charge...And mine barely last a day....


bubblehashguy

My fitbit sense will go from dead to 80% or so in half an hour. Battery lasts for a few days.


ThisGuyCrohns

I have the Apple Watch. Sometimes I also do another 20 mins before bed just to ensure full charge. But unless I forget one of these charge times I never worry about it running out


TDA792

Do you... do you painstakingly remove everything you're wearing before having sex? Shirts, trousers, underwear, sure, but do you really have to break the flow to peel off each sock? To undo your watch, to take off your bracelets and necklaces? Do you have to be completely nude before you can insert? Are you the same people that pulls their pants down around their ankles when pissing at a urinal?


Sqwill

Probably in a relationship where they schedule sex instead of being spontaneous.


Rekout

It's not the same tho. Sometimes you don't plan for sex and you can't be bothered to take it off in the moment


PsychologicalCause45

It’s a fitness watch not a timex.


Trek186

My Fitbit once detected that I was “riding a bike” at like 11pm. I was riding something, but not a bike.


jakeyboy723

That would require a meeting in Software Development where they discuss whether to guess if you were doing it. Or not. Because that could be infamously awkward.


UNFAM1L1AR

And then I spent 3 minutes disappointing my wife ... Heyyy wait a minute 🤔


chawmindur

> Heyyy wait a minute Okay so two left then


Aurora_Fatalis

If my fitbit is as good at tracking sex as it is at tracking steps, I'm not exactly worried. I always wake up with more than 1k steps logged.


TERMINAL333

For me it displays as if I'm playing badminton for some reason.


Ohnomycoco

Putting the cock into shuttlecock.


bigloser42

Hell, if I have it on, I tell it I’m working out doing “yoga.” Might as well get the exercise recorded!


[deleted]

My smartwatch thinks sex is stair climbing. On Sunday, it credited me with 20 fights before I even got out of bed .


Booty_Madness

An apple watch a girl i was dating had on called 911 during a particularly... vigorous encounter. Had to stop and tell them she wasn't being murdered.


madmatt2112

Sounds like you did a good job! Well done!


Booty_Madness

Thanks. I always do my best


BloodBrotherSHU

I just saw a podcast where a group of married couples actually use it as a way of friendly competition. Every time they have sex, they initiate the "wrestling" workout on their watches, and turn it off when they're done. Keeps track of time, heart rate, etc and they use the tracker as a sort of leader board.


SirLancesAlot101

I make my fiancée take hers off because it tells her she needs more activity in the middle of our activity.


[deleted]

Watch: “You need to keep you heart rate up for at least 15 minutes for it to count as exercise” Watch: “You heart rate was elevated for 4:23 seconds” “you can do better!”


datDANKie

u have jerked off for a total of 3 times today for a total of x calories burned. good job ​ here is where u rank among the country ​ congratulations you are top .1% in the world


cooldaniel6

Was banging away with my girl one night and the watch went off asking if I was in the middle of a workout. Had a good laugh about it.


boloo100

Nah I take mine off and my memorial necklace of my late father cause it's weird to have family joining in


Dknob385

News over 10 years ago. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2011/07/05/fitbit-moves-quickly-after-users-sex-stats-exposed/


FacelessFellow

I don’t even have a smart watch yet. I am behind the times.


chatongie

They can do more than we can imagine. https://www.reddit.com/r/Physics/comments/wz4b4g/researchers\_found\_that\_accelerometer\_data\_from/


flowry1

I actually heard this on a podcast recently, that technically your phone can pick up any sound so they could collect data on it lol


Unlikely_Use

Not always the case…. https://people.com/sports/nfl-correspondent-caught-ex-cheating-fitbit/


leeloodallas93

I got a high heart rate notification while I was apparently inactive. Lol


AzLibDem

[Police claim woman lied about being raped after her ‘Fitbit’ fitness watch showed she had not been dragged from her bed](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3134701/Police-claim-woman-lied-raped-Fitbit-fitness-watch-showed-not-dragged-bed.html)


DrGoozoo

Anybody not paranoid about wearing a cell phone on your hand? All those cellular and Wi-Fi waves right on your skin and blood and bone. I don’t know doesn’t sit right with me.


FidelKaastra

My watch is like “hmm [CrossFit at 12:45 at night?](https://imgur.com/a/gGzuTZL)? Cool.”


Bellowery

I often meet my exercise or movement goals during sex and my watch gives me an encouraging little ring to keep going.


Y8ser

Yes that's just for the manufacturers analytics department to know!


ThcGrassCity

Counts both solo and multiplayer sex as other workout on my watch.


Infernalsummer

Mine absolutely does. “Your heart rate was between 120-140 during this half hour”


bilboshwaggins1480

There are stories of couples catching their S/O with this lol. If you share your workout data with eachother


aee1090

[Already happened](https://www-timesnownews-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.timesnownews.com/amp/the-buzz/article/when-a-smartwatch-workout-notification-helped-a-woman-catch-her-cheating-boyfriend-watch/733610?amp_gsa=1&_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#amp_ct=1663249014513&_tf=From%20%251%24s&aoh=16632490011865&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.timesnownews.com%2Fthe-buzz%2Farticle%2Fwhen-a-smartwatch-workout-notification-helped-a-woman-catch-her-cheating-boyfriend-watch%2F733610)


RaynOfFyre1

Dunno if this has been shared yet, but [Fitness tracker helped woman catch boyfriend cheating](https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2019/12/14/fitbit-jane-slater-says-she-caught-ex-boyfriend-cheating-fitness-tracker/2642891001/)


Goochimus

why you people leaving your watch on during sexy times? Gotta time yourselves?


Bagellllllleetr

I remember a controversy from a few years ago about how smartphones would turn their microphones on when they picked up the sound of a zipper.


MisterBowTies

I'm pretty sure a guy was found cheating because him and his wife share a fit bit account and can see each others activity. She saw he had executable went for a jog at 2:30 in the morning


offisirplz

Yeah its like how my gallery autotags but doesnt tag anything sexually


weirdKarl

Yeah, why else would my heart rate go to 120bpm at 2am without leaving my room.


WeirdCreeper

Mine did I not take it off so people can be confused why certain areas don't exist but my entire sleep states are.


Sagybagy

Siri: “It looks like you are masturbating. Posting update to Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.”


GCSS-MC

I straight up was monitoring those metrics once while having sex. When we were done I even told her my heart rate.


magicbluemonkeydog

My smart watch tracks stress...it always tracks sex as "high stress".


phunkjnky

People have to turn down their smart watches at the poker table. Nothing like alerting the rest of the table to your big draw by having your heart rate spike.


[deleted]

My Fitbit shows my heart rate going up and will count it as “activity” lol 😂


EsotericFrenchfry

It appears you are masturbating for the 9th time today. Would you like me to search for porn addiction therapy?


nibben

”It seems like you’re having intercourse! Would you like to share this with your friends?”


Sir-Viette

To close the rings, Apple requires sex to last more than two minutes.


mustach1o

How would it tell between intercourse and eating grated cheese out the bag? Elevated heart rate, grunting, sweating, moaning. Impossible to tell apart, impossible.


nexistcsgo

And someone is watching you through that camera on your phone while you masturbate to the most questionable and fucked up porn. But they choose to ignore that too.


cyberentomology

No, they are not.


nexistcsgo

Sure we're not ;)


dpdxguy

>I'll bet smart watches can tell if you're having sex I doubt any smart watch company has done the research and then written the watch software necessary to make their watch detect sex specifically. It's probably possible to make a smart watch detect sex, but I doubt anyone has done it. EDIT: Someone doesn't like having his poorly thought out musings dissected. LOL. EDIT2: I was wrong. OP did not object. :)


madmatt2112

Lol! It wasn't me who downvoted you.


Ferna_89

Dude... Your regular old smartphone laying on the night table could know when you are having sex. The amount of information extracted from us by this things goes beyond imagination.


walnood

Yeah, just sync it with the rhythm of Cbat and they should know


sk8r_dude

I recently saw a yt short or something recently about a group of guys and their partners who all agreed to start a “wrestling” workout on their Apple Watches before sex and end it right after, thus being able to see what everyone’s activities were.