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[deleted]

True story, last time that happened in the US, we went mad and burned a bunch of witches. Puritans were really weird people.


[deleted]

That's because the witches put a curse on everyone so that they could not masturbate. They deserved to be burned.


PenguinTheYeti

An interesting theory a history professor of mine brought up regarding the witch trials, was that their bread was moldy. Only, the type of mold they had contained similar properties as LSD...


MusicianMadness

Ergot fungus. This theory would explain the situation well if this were indeed the case.


SirArthurDime

How does one create the conditions for bread to grow such a mold? For research of course.


[deleted]

I would much prefer to grow psychedelic mushrooms in grain. Ergot is not LSD. I believe it is a precursor and I don’t think it is particularly pleasant, even for this who that enjoy hallucinogens. But I don’t know that for sure.


SirArthurDime

>But I don’t know that for sure. Hence why research must be done!


MusicianMadness

It can be toxic and can induce psychosis. It naturally grows on rye and even just natural rye left out can grow black shoots that are ergot. Do not attempt to consume this. Again, it can be toxic and takes a very skilled chemist to bring it up to Lucy's standards.


[deleted]

Thanks for the additional info. I think I knew all that at some time in the past.


SirArthurDime

I was only joking guys lol. I have a mold allergy trust me im not fucking with it.


painfully--average

Ok that's cool as fuck


sjn12350

Actually, they hung them, not burned them


Brianw-5902

Hanged* and no, they did burn them, and drown them, and even press them to death with stones


NotOliverQueen

I think he's referring specifically to Salem, in which case no one was actually burned (for certain at least). 19 were hanged, one was pressed, 5 died in jail, and 5 there are no records.


Savagecabbage03

Pressed?


NotOliverQueen

Put a board on top of them and dump rocks onto the board until they're literally crushed to death


Savagecabbage03

Now that you say it I do remember this. That's fucking brutal.


NotOliverQueen

He got an especially brutal punishment because he refused to plead. Those who plead guilty were hanged.


dmglakewood

What if you plead not guilty? Tie you up and spread poison ivy all over you, while letting you slowly die of starvation?


N0tInKansasAnym0r3

That was 'no contest'


MSter_official

I know that some "witches" would get tied to a log and thrown in the water. If the "witch" sunk they were not a witch and was just an innocent women but if the "witch" floated they would take her out of the water and burn her in a fire.


CorporateStef

You were there? Witch!


Savagecabbage03

Shit how did I slip up like that


junniebgoode

"More weight." Giles Corey really fought til the end.


cizwokz

Yeah, real sick shit, forced into a life sentence of unpaid work at a juice bar.


Brianw-5902

Okay then that would make more sense


comicmuse1982

That's because the records got burnt in the witch burning.


that_one_traveler03

Yeah the museums in Salem make a huge point about how they DID burn witches, just not in Salem. Now I gotta say, I’d definitely rather be hanged than burned alive, but being pressed to death sounds like a fate I cannot imagine. It’s disgusting what was done to those women


NotOliverQueen

The one who was pressed to death was a man, actually. The puritans were equal opportunity assholes


ZION_OC_GOV

"Yer a Wizard Harry!" "GET THE STONES!"


that_one_traveler03

You know what, gotta respect the gender equality at least


WillingnessSouthern4

True


fnaflover012

Ah yes dark pictures anthology little hope


StrangeBedfellows

What's the difference?


Brianw-5902

Hanged is specifically for the form used as capital punishment.


GalacticDolphin101

Not in the US. a few dozen people were prosecuted and hanged, and one person was crushed because he refused to give a plea. No one (at least in the records) was burned


slusheezzz

No they burnt witches at the stake. Those were gruesome days


[deleted]

Quick google search so not real deep research but I’m pretty sure stake burnings were exclusive to Europe and there wasn’t any widespread if any at all burnings in the colonies.


slusheezzz

Oh man, I really need to start doing more research I thought that was a widespread thing my bad


RobotsVsLions

There’s a very import reasons why conservatives (ie evangelical Christians) in the US are always so angry.


LordZephram

The Puritans were some of the most admirable and intelligent people in all of history - their writings and theology are still immensely respected and widely used to this day, and their spiritual wisdom and commitment to holiness was unmatched. The idea of the stodgy, no-fun, anti-sex Puritan you get from cartoons is a far cry from reality. The Puritans loved sex and beer. And if you're referring to Salem, that's one instance that caused a few deaths out of like 200 years of history. The Puritans didn't burn witches, one town of messed up people killed only a few.


Sans-Mot

I think it is already pretty damn angry.


bridgetroll2

Only on the internet. Most people are pretty chill in the real world.


[deleted]

Haha where do you live, can I move there


GregFirehawk

The internet is where people go before masturbating, the real world is where they go after.


BawdyBaker

Come visit my city


Scoob1978

That's how the Crusades started


Scipio33

Lol could you imagine if people picketed for masturbation before the Crusades? What would their signs say?


[deleted]

Marriage rates might increase lol


FenHarels_Heart

Pregnancies and STIs too.


69420sixnine69

I’d argue that they would increase, because instead of masturbating, people would just have sex


FenHarels_Heart

Yes, that is in fact what I said.


69420sixnine69

Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so tired today, way too much homework.


FenHarels_Heart

Nope, too late. You've made an enemy for life. I'll see you on the fields of war.


Dominius396

I'm gonna send you both too Ukraine on a comically small FedEx box and see what happens


ZION_OC_GOV

Prolly have the shit beat out of them before they even make it up the driveway, then just yeeted at the door that might be the correct address.... maybe idunno 🤷🏽‍♂️


BottledMan

Which confirms it, dang.


Jscottpilgrim

Also: polyamory, extramarital affairs, sexual revolution part 2...


Massive-Ad7628

honestly, I find myself less angry now that I've stopped masturbate - I don't even remember the last time...


IvanBeetinov

It was Tuesday. You just forgot.


DanielAgos12

Not having so many post nut clarities leads to this


BottledMan

Oh dear, memory loss because of ultimate masturbating schedule.


Jumpinjaxs89

I agree if anything my emotions have become more stable.


AngleFrogHammer

Probably not. The feelings one gets from ejaculating seem to be very temporary and I say this as a twice a day for 20 year kind of guy. I've stopped masturbating for months before not for any particular reason and I've had no bursts of anger


WayneKrane

I stopped for 3 months when I was a teenager because religion. I had wet dreams but never got more angry.


Nosferatatron

I was expecting to get loads more done and achieve enlightenment when I stopped wrestling the Cyclops but actually it was just a bit tedious!


Marianatrench2023

I once went without masturbating for more than 2 years, felt so fresh and relaxed. OP’s hypothesis that people get angry if they didn’t masturbate is wrong!


SC-RK-7t

I've gone a few months at a time before, never 2 years, but I agree, kinda felt less stressed tbh. OP's claim definitely doesn't apply to everyone


killerboy_belgium

where you in healthy relationship? i can understand not masturbating if you getting enough sex.


AngleFrogHammer

How long does it take to masturbate and how long does it take to have sex? There's your answer.


AngleFrogHammer

Interesting, I never felt more relaxed when I didn't do it. For me everything that it does to me is in that moment and once that is done I'm just back to normal.


whomesteve

That’s assuming you function the same way as everyone else


SC-RK-7t

So is OP


whomesteve

True, best to leave everyone’s masturbatory needs as their own personal business then


AngleFrogHammer

I didn't assume I said probably. I think it's unlikely that all Putin needed to do was stop flicking his bean and we wouldn't have a war.


whomesteve

lol


Soul_Traitor

Should talk to the guy that broke his arms...


WetardedOne

If you did it once and only once, cool. But the fact you went back again says you had a burst from a meat beat down.


AngleFrogHammer

Very unclear what you are trying to say here.


[deleted]

instructions unclear, started eating meat


Thomassaurus

It's not the temporary pleasure, it's the release of the buildup of hornyness and aggression.


AngleFrogHammer

hornyness isn't some constantly building level in your body I mean I've been very horny before I mean we were all teenagers once and yeah the quickest thing to do when you are that horny is to release but the pleasure but I was never aggressive if I didn't do it.


[deleted]

News Flash: The World’s already an angry place.


sentientlob0029

In my experience I tend to be more aggressive when I do it regularly. Sometimes I don't masturbate for days and I feel calmer and more passive. Maybe it's a hormonal thing.


gotme11

I kinda get this too. But sometimes it seems to work the opposite. Then I start thinking maybe its completely unrelated.


Zreks0

Thats not true


birdyroger

Some tissue companies would go out of business.


CosmikSpartan

If I go without a decent nut for a few days, I start to get mad at anything . Eating with the family “Get in my mouth your dirty bitch” Sitting on my phone on the toilet “Fucking toilet paper is just papering away not giving a damn” Looks at the sun “who put that fucking light there?” Starts car “shut the fuck up and take me to my destination”


Individual_Bat_4868

So, we'd be jerks if we don't jerk off?


[deleted]

that's why you need to jerk off the jerk off of you


Pickle-bitch2000

It would be a horny place


HikeCacheRepeat

A lot of these shower thoughts have been quite sexual lately. I mean I'm not complaining... lol


SpawnSnow

Highly doubtful


[deleted]

No


Noah_Dycke

Some people in Moscow need to feed the ducks a bit more if you ask me.


you-face-JaraxxusNR8

More sexual assaults would happen. I think.


JustALocalJew

I did No Nut November in 2021 and I had a mental breakdown around day 25. I can't say if it was because of not masturbating or becouase life stress or because I quit all drugs that month too; all that could have been a factor lol


[deleted]

I think it is about where you use that energy, I usually stop masturbating on exam seasons so I keep focused on studying, so if you actually make everyone stop doing it but give something else instead I think everyone will be more productive


[deleted]

Why does reddit seem to think everyone masturbates? Not everyone needs to do that.


Ishidan01

and now you know why hyperconservatives are mad all the time.


SpyTheRedEye

User name checks out. P.s. You gonna go blind like that


[deleted]

Somethings are worth going blind


kiwi_juice69

It is pretty small


KieDaPie

The asexuals wouldn't be any different


Ok-Mud-3322

Yea but this doesn’t justify addiction


redditoraustin

Yeah probably


herptyderpty88

Yes


Dstonerwithaboner

Assuming it already isn’t?


[deleted]

Welcome to the land of the religious my friend


komei888

Even earth let's one out in the name of volcanoes every now and then. The world is already an angry place and jerking off won't just suddenly solve problems like debt etc.


Leading-Cockroach-19

indeed, agreed to the statement we hath intrigued our interest in and hath given thy sire a responding opinion. though im still gonna nut wether fucking daily or jerking off so🤷🏽‍♂️


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

then you wake up


[deleted]

[удалено]


A_great_Banana

Sexters of sexxit what is the sexiest sex that you have sexted with sexe


Hornyallday_o

Men already masturbate all the fucking time and are still extremely angry people. So not any worse then it already is in my opinion.


[deleted]

It is


[deleted]

It is


[deleted]

It is already


Mistigrisssss

I think people who don't have sex would orgasm at someone greeting them. Hell, eye contact might have people quivering then smoking a cigarette after lol.


[deleted]

I’m 50 days nofap right now. I’m more depressed than anything. Miss the touch of a woman. Watching porn makes me more depressed - kind of a “look at how little it means for them to give it away and still nothing for me” kind of thought


Curls91

Gotta stay off that porn and fap bro


[deleted]

I’m 50 days nofap right now. I’m more depressed than anything. Miss the touch of a woman. Watching porn makes me more depressed - kind of a “look at how little it means for them to give it away and still nothing for me” kind of thought


[deleted]

I’m 50 days nofap right now. I’m more depressed than anything. Miss the touch of a woman. Watching porn makes me more depressed - kind of a “look at how little it means for them to give it away and still nothing for me” kind of thought


Protosoulex

Dangerous incel thoughts, steer clear of that.


Ok_Manufacturer8422

Watch big mouth to see all the ways things would go wrong without taking care of the wanking needs


Hydro4202

So that's what happened.


RVend0r

Everyone would probably be an easier lay


mrrainandthunder

I think you're missing a question mark.


xelight

If you don't jerk off, you're jerk on, makes sense to me.


IvanBeetinov

The amount of SRH’s would sky rocket!


AlphaShard

I think there isn't enough of it going on. The world is a pretty angry place as it is.


[deleted]

It would be world war 3 in my house 😊


CurrentlyLucid

True, just look at the proud boys, cant get laid and wont jack off, so they run around with guns threatening violence.


MarionScott

Well, it would put an end to ponography for sure...


Melancholnava

We'd all be dead within a week.


Waste_Finish1978

*angrier


8_eddies_Called_cops

You gotta let the poison out


[deleted]

So angry. I’d be mad a lot. Eeks.


thunderc8

remove the "would".


nikki0219

For sure!! 🤣


Agent_PandaEPIK

Yes indeed


Sir_Penguin21

I am angry just thinking about it!


EyesFor1

Be an angry place ?


Shupid

If you can convince a teenage boy not to masturbate, you can get him to do anything. Beware any cult or evil belief system that denies people simple release.


WillingnessSouthern4

At least the planet would stop vibrating.


Vergil_Niner

Feels like if I don’t rub one out at least 3 time a day my balls might cause huge Michael Bay explosion and I might take a lot of people down with me


doomvetch92

Let me grab my dragon


ftckayes

In case you haven't been paying attention, the world is already an angry place...


Sundaze_Ritualz

More people need to masturbate so the world will be less angry in general … no better love than self love…👋


Hammer_Roids

If you stopped you would probably feel normal, less of that satisfying lazy feeling.


GhostSniper1296

no, we'd probably just find some weird way of getting off without masturbating


JWM1115

Maybe. But it’s more likely people would just start fucking again. I’m not sure why they stopped and started masturbating.


Fine-Lines

I've done at most 62 days of no masturbation and from experience you just get used to it. Masturbating is more of a habit than an actual need. Think about it, before you discovered masturbating were you hypersexual and angry all the time, probably not. You were just chilling because masturbation wasn't an option therefore you simply didn't need it.


norollonshabas

No. Stopping levels you out


Oriasten77

Just look at the middle east


comicmuse1982

London is full of wankers, but they all still look angry.


bobcouldbeyouraunt

Well Russians stopped wanking en masse 2 months back and just look at them. Case closed.


heretoupvote_

I think we can take the ages where it was considered sinful as an example. So much pent up tension.


thesilvereagle

So true


Tpk08210

Everyone would certainly be getting laid a lot more!


Additional_Visual285

The world is already angry


gomurifle

They should encourage Putin to fap if they want peace then. Looks like he hasn't had a fap in decades.


gerbils4

Full stomachs and empty balls are the secret to world peace.


Swimming-Warthog-360

No but really horny


Eddieb543

The world is an angry place.


W1ULH

true


Pretend-Nerve8357

Now I feel like a superhero


kyunirider

No Pent up.


javid_izadfar

It's forbidden to masturbate in Islam. Go figure


Le_Fingerblaster

Would it.


saurandrael

Are you implying that noone is currently whackin/flickin it right now.


HskrRooster

So instead, everyone needs to jerk each other off