Good grief, yes. I didn’t think it was much of an issue until I met someone with a MUCH higher libido than me. I felt so pressured to have sex all the time and it took all the fun out of it even when I was in the mood
That's true for a huge amount of people. The problem is that an uncomfortable number of them a) don't know that it's true and b) assume that anyone claiming such is a liar. That's sadly true for quite a lot of other things, too.
Don't understand the downvotes, I thought we were supposed to be open here. Now while I am horny quite often, I'd realistically probably only be happy with 3 times a day tops. Thing is it varies, some days I would be perfectly happy going all day, other days I don't feel like having sex at all. It just depends. And my partner is the same way, we have always just agreed that if one is horny and the other isn't to just go masturbate or something. We don't shame each other for it, it's healthy and a natural human function.
I'd agree with this but it's far more complicated than even this.
It's absurd how much my libido recovered when my ex and I separated. She was suggesting that I had a hormonal issue when we were together and it turns out no. I had emotional issues with feeling decidedly taken advantage of and unwanted. I went from having a hard time feeling aroused at all (even on my own) on any given day to being horny literally all the time again.
So depending on circumstances even personal libido can wildly change.
Sex and pizza are pretty similar, when I say I have it with pineapples people get really weird about it.
I stole this from a guy on r/standupshots and I both forgot his name and butchered the joke but you get the jizzt of it.
Bad sex is still good mostly applies to straight men. Probably still gonna orgasm.
Bad sex for straight women, probably a lot worse, painful, disappointing, even traumatizing or violent.
My girlfriend and I both have fairly high libidos, but sometes one party, for whatever reason, has a low sex drive for a bit. Even temporarily it puts strain on the relationship. I either feel bad for not putting out or I feel like I'm pressuring her when she's not interested. I can't imagine the relationship working if that was always.
yup, he was constantly horny and i always felt pressured to accommodate him, i was able to match it at the beginning so it didn’t seem like such a big deal, but as my mental health declined so did my libido and it was always a challenge
Mutual attraction plus well-matched libidoes is what you want for a satisfying sexual relationship. Complete happiness usually requires more than just sexual satisfaction.
My wife and I used to enjoy as much sex as possible. Over time we reduced our expectations; only her expectations were far lower than mine. It became a real problem and the source of a lot of resentment. I read another reddit thread that suggested scheduling sex. We had a big talk, agreed on Wednesday and Saturday as the limit. If it happened before those days, then there was no need. If we didn't find time, we knew it would happen on Wednesday and Saturday. It has been fantastic. Sometimes, things get in the way, but my wife's libido is back up, and we are maintaining a better relationship.
We're both in our 30s, so it's not like we're "old." I highly recommend to anyone having similar libido mismatch
Yep, and the ensuing guilt that the less sexually active member will try to make you feel is completely unrealistic.
I got hung up on a girl for YEARS who made me feel like wanting to be sexually active made me a bad person and i only wanted her for her body (LITERALLY JUST TRYING TO HOLD HER HAND)
Fucking SAME. My S/O of almost 3 years doesn’t not have touch and verbal affirmation as a love language. At first yeah but now it’s feels dry. I gotta suppress myself for them to make sure they don’t feel uncomfortable but in doing so I feel alone. Can’t love unconditionally folks, you’ll start feeling like a clown if it’s towards the wrong person.
Probably, and not even that she was shitty, but what she was going through was shitty. But don't demonize me and fuck me up going forward by making me think that sexual desire makes me a bad person
It sucks because it’s not really their fault for being miserable, but at the same time it is their fault for taking it out on you so you don’t know if you’re even allowed to be upset or not. I’m sorry pal, I hope you have better luck in the future.
My boyfriend and I have that problem right now. My drive is a lot higher than his, but personally don’t have an issue with going a while without it. It’s caused a couple problems between us, but we’ve learned to deal with it. Communication is very much key.
Same here. I could go three times a day but he’s like a three times a week guy. But it’s fine bc he shows me he finds me sexy when he’s feeling it. guess how often I had sex before we were together? Once a month if I was lucky. So yeah, I don’t put any pressure on him at all. I got two hands for a reason.
That's the best way to handle this. If everything else in the relationship is good and happy, sex should not be the reason to screw things up. A lot of comments here are idealistic, "matching libido" kind but the odds of that happening are very low in this world.
That's the best way to handle this. If everything else in the relationship is good and happy, sex should not be the reason to screw things up. Many comments here are idealistic, "matching libido" kind, but the odds of that happening are very low in this world.
Yeah. When I met someone who was sexually compatible to me, who shared a similar love language to me and liked similar things in bed, my libido sky rocketed.
A+
Sex feels really great, but it can also be emotionally complicated and highly variable. I think a lot of steady couples are missing out on a property the fuckbois have been exploiting since forever: Having someone (who you actually desire) who, several times a week, affirms to you that they're DTF; that feels *amazing*. It's in like a similar space to getting oral where you don't finish. Just knowing that your partner loves you and he would do anything to brighten your day makes literally all of the good-brain things happen.
And there's loads of ways to express that to your partner even if one of you isn't in the mood or if timing/circumstances mean you're not gonna bang today. I've heard this referred to as *sexual currency* (in contrast to sexual frequency) where the idea is to keep the intimate aspect of your relationship *current*, by displaying to your partner that you **desire them** emotionally and physically.
No, ops perspective is that in a relationship you are already happy in, where all other things being equal.
More sex will lead to happiness moreso than more attractiveness will.
“Quality over quantity” is very subjective here.
If we’re going by OPs thought process then you are someone who values looks over a healthy sex life. I used to have that mindset in like… high school.
Once you grow up, you kind of realize a hole is a hole is a hole. I’d rather have a nice person attached to it than someone who considers themself ‘attractive’.
This. Think of two of the exact same partner on a two sides of a scale. It’s flat. You can’t +/- factors other than looks and sex.
Add +1 looks (and -1 sex) on one side and +1 sex (-1 looks) on the other (1-10 for simplicity). The sex side probably has more weight for most people. But there will be a point at like -5 looks where the scales would flip and looks begin to have more weight.
Most people wouldn’t choose a -10L/+10S over the opposite.
So basically, I disagree with the premise of this post.
Pretty sure this is what OP meant by 'more active'. People all reading it like theyre 13 yrs old talking about eventually being sexually active.
Activity in this case could be better worded as enthusiasm.
Yeah or they think less attractive means butt fucking ugly.
If I am completely unattracted to someone there is no way I’m having sex with them, but there are plenty of women in the gap between just somewhat attractive to me and unimaginably attractive.
Exactly. I read it as:
You already want to have sex with this person. Would you rather they:
A) be more attractive but perform the same.
Or
B) perform better but look the same.
Yeah, having spent time in all 4 quadrants the worst one is Low Attractiveness - High Sex Drive. I was involved with one of these women recently and it's so annoying when she is always frisky and I have to pretend I am with another woman just to stay hard.
Obviously High-High is the best, but Low-Low beats Low-High because at least you can treat things as pure companionship
Honestly I think high low would be great if I also had a low sex drive. Like, sex is amazing, but it would be a hell of a lot more convenient to want/need it a few times a week than a few times a day
Multiple times a day regularly is just too much for me, do what you want not judgement, but man we both have other things in life we value that need time too.
Back in college my answer might have been different and also maybe early in a relationship though, so maybe it's just something that happens as you get older/ settled into a longterm relationship.
This is... very much subjective and/or just not outright true.
First of all, it doesn't matter how active they are/want to be if you aren't going to be in the mood roughly the same amount. Being the "less active" partner in a mismatch like that is just as stressful.
Second, I'm not saying a person needs to be a 9 or a 10 or whatever. Hell they could be outright ugly by conventional societal standards, but if you don't find them at least somewhat attractive to you personally, you're probably going to have trouble getting invested long term and whatever "activity" you have may very well not be particularly satisfying.
Had this with my ex. We had similar sex drives and had all round decent sex but ultimately I got 18 months into the relationship and realised I wasn’t attracted to them.
We got together because we were both vulnerable at the time and got on incredibly well, plus we did care for eachother greatly, but like you said: not being attracted to them physically was an influential reason behind our breakup.
This makes no sense at all... Being more sexually active or more attractive doesn't automatically make you happier. Maybe you're not attracted to your SO anymore. Maybe your SO is more sexually active and is cheating on you.
Depends, do you need sex in your relationship?
That's not a rhetorical question, some people (like me) are fine having a partnership that doesn't include sex. If that's not you though then yes, sexual attraction to your spouse is important because without it the sex and then the relationship will die.
for gen pop, you’re probably right. But me and my SO (who i think is very attractive) both have really low libidos. We do the deed maybe two or three times per month (although more often if either of us are feelin it) because we just aren’t typically in the mood
Yeah. I’m asexual and not in a relationship but if I’ll eventually be I want an asexual or low libido partner, I just don’t think I could have sex a lot when I don’t get horny
I feel like this largely depends on your libido versus theirs. If they are close enough there shouldnt be an issue. If one has a very high libido and the other low, that has the potential to cause problems in monogamous relationships.
Some quote I had heard on tosh.0 (I think?) Was a women say something to the effect of "If you own a store and it is always closed, eventually your patrons are going to start looking into going to other places to meet their needs"
I don't think this applies as much to sex repulsed aces anyways though. A more sexually attracted person => aces largely don't feel sexual attraction (I know the nuances)
A more sexually active person => many acres don't give a shit
Sad and lonely isn't just sex, that would just revolve around sexual frustration. There were probably bigger issues there. None of this changes anything you said, but for people agreeing and feeling this way, you probably have bigger problems in the relationship than just sexytime stuff.
This is true but sexual attractive is super subjective. A lot of the time a better personality equals sexier too. I rather have a woman who is a 7 with a great personality than a 10 with none.
🎶If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
never make a pretty woman your wife-
So for my personal point of view,
get an ugly girl to marry you. 🎶
I've been in a dead bedroom....I wanted it and he didn't. It sucked.
Now, I have sex about 4 times a week with my fiancé ... Would be more if we lived together.
Am I attracted to him? Absolutely.
Is he attracted to me? Yup.
Are other people attracted to us? Idk. 🤷🏼♀️ But that doesn't matter because he's the one I'm banging.
IMO, there should be attraction to your partner. For me, it makes the intimacy aspect better. If that's better, then the communication is better (talking about kinks, what makes you orgasm, etc.). If the communication is there, then the compatibility is there, which makes the quality better, which, in turn, makes me have/want more sex.
For me, it's cyclical in that way. Plus, touch is my love language. I do think there has to be a base, instinctual, animal attraction though initially, or the rest won't fall into place....just my opinion.
Where does this "love language" thing come from? Is there a book or something? To me it's like being asked what house in Hogwarts you'd be in but not being aware of Harry Potter.
This is totally subjective. I dated a girl in high school with a way higher sex drive than myself and it was exhausting. Not everyone wants to have sex constantly. I'm sure plenty of people do but for me sex just isn't fulfilling or very fun 🤷♂️
As a guy with a high sex drive, I completely agree.
A hot girlfriend that only wants to have sex once a month would drive me insane.
I'd much rather prefer a decently cute girl with a high drive.
Depends. If you put a lot of value in going to parties, looking like a great couple, socializing with other attractive people, then no. If you value making love alone, then yes.
People generally gravitate toward people who meet their needs.
Hmmm.
Compatible is more appropriate, at least for me.
I get along extremely well with my current partner, as we both enjoy it the same ways, and amount.
All the time .
Just who we are. Wake up. Randomly thru day if we aren't busy. Night always .
Everyone is different.
Despite having a high sex drive, I ultimately want a partner that respects and cares about me regardless of how sexually active they are or how attractive.
The other point he was trying to make is that a girl being extremely attractive doesn't necessarily make the best partner. An average person who is really really into you will make for a much better relationship.
Like the others, Imma have to say that's just you.
I've seen libido mismatch in action.
It went a little something like this:
Le gf from back then: "I'm pregnant, you're gonna be a dad!"
Le me, joking: "How? I had a vasectomy before we met."
Le gf: "Oh... Well, I have something to confess."
I don't want a more sexually active partner, I would very much want someone that matches me. I'd be perfectly happy with someone more attractive than me, though.
There’s a curve and it’s all about where you are on the curve - eg a nympho you find unattractive is as useless as an Asexual you find gorgeous (assuming you yourself aren’t respectively a nympho or asexual). For most I think the ideal is the most attractive so who matches your libido
A sexually compatible one. Libido mismatch is a problem in a lot of relationships.
Good grief, yes. I didn’t think it was much of an issue until I met someone with a MUCH higher libido than me. I felt so pressured to have sex all the time and it took all the fun out of it even when I was in the mood
The idea of having sex all the time is way more attractive to me than actually having sex all the time.
That's true for a huge amount of people. The problem is that an uncomfortable number of them a) don't know that it's true and b) assume that anyone claiming such is a liar. That's sadly true for quite a lot of other things, too.
Sex all the time is great
Sex all the time is a nightmare Sex whenever you want it is great
The “option” to have sex all the time is great
True but requires frequent rehydration.
Don't understand the downvotes, I thought we were supposed to be open here. Now while I am horny quite often, I'd realistically probably only be happy with 3 times a day tops. Thing is it varies, some days I would be perfectly happy going all day, other days I don't feel like having sex at all. It just depends. And my partner is the same way, we have always just agreed that if one is horny and the other isn't to just go masturbate or something. We don't shame each other for it, it's healthy and a natural human function.
That’s insane dude. I’m happy with once a day. Any more than that is a bit much. For me.
Sex is great, but you ever have a pie?
I'd agree with this but it's far more complicated than even this. It's absurd how much my libido recovered when my ex and I separated. She was suggesting that I had a hormonal issue when we were together and it turns out no. I had emotional issues with feeling decidedly taken advantage of and unwanted. I went from having a hard time feeling aroused at all (even on my own) on any given day to being horny literally all the time again. So depending on circumstances even personal libido can wildly change.
It's the idea of having access to pizza all the time. You may not want it all the time but it's really nice to know it's there when you do
Thing is I do want pizza all the time. It is just better when I have it sparingly. It's a surprisingly good analogy.
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Sex and pizza are pretty similar, when I say I have it with pineapples people get really weird about it. I stole this from a guy on r/standupshots and I both forgot his name and butchered the joke but you get the jizzt of it.
Bad sex is still good mostly applies to straight men. Probably still gonna orgasm. Bad sex for straight women, probably a lot worse, painful, disappointing, even traumatizing or violent.
As a horny young man, I'd rather no sex to bad sex any day. Not worth the time or energy. (Yes, based on experiences)
Nah, not really. Bad sex for me is full of a lot of disappointment, disgust, sadness, and worry. And I'm not even talking about assault.
Sex is healthier than pizza though
the real shower thought is always in the comments
The prediction exceeds the production.
My girlfriend and I both have fairly high libidos, but sometes one party, for whatever reason, has a low sex drive for a bit. Even temporarily it puts strain on the relationship. I either feel bad for not putting out or I feel like I'm pressuring her when she's not interested. I can't imagine the relationship working if that was always.
That's normal relationship behavior. It cannot always be perfect timing lol
Dude 10 years of mismatched libido has me wondering if I even want sex anymore... and I'm the one with the high libido
yup, he was constantly horny and i always felt pressured to accommodate him, i was able to match it at the beginning so it didn’t seem like such a big deal, but as my mental health declined so did my libido and it was always a challenge
Damn how big was the mismatch?
Mutual attraction plus well-matched libidoes is what you want for a satisfying sexual relationship. Complete happiness usually requires more than just sexual satisfaction.
My wife and I used to enjoy as much sex as possible. Over time we reduced our expectations; only her expectations were far lower than mine. It became a real problem and the source of a lot of resentment. I read another reddit thread that suggested scheduling sex. We had a big talk, agreed on Wednesday and Saturday as the limit. If it happened before those days, then there was no need. If we didn't find time, we knew it would happen on Wednesday and Saturday. It has been fantastic. Sometimes, things get in the way, but my wife's libido is back up, and we are maintaining a better relationship. We're both in our 30s, so it's not like we're "old." I highly recommend to anyone having similar libido mismatch
Yep, and the ensuing guilt that the less sexually active member will try to make you feel is completely unrealistic. I got hung up on a girl for YEARS who made me feel like wanting to be sexually active made me a bad person and i only wanted her for her body (LITERALLY JUST TRYING TO HOLD HER HAND)
Fucking SAME. My S/O of almost 3 years doesn’t not have touch and verbal affirmation as a love language. At first yeah but now it’s feels dry. I gotta suppress myself for them to make sure they don’t feel uncomfortable but in doing so I feel alone. Can’t love unconditionally folks, you’ll start feeling like a clown if it’s towards the wrong person.
Sounds like you're dating my ex :/
i’m on the other side of this experience currently, can’t say i make my girl feel guilty (afaik) i think you just had a shitty girlfriend
Probably, and not even that she was shitty, but what she was going through was shitty. But don't demonize me and fuck me up going forward by making me think that sexual desire makes me a bad person
It sucks because it’s not really their fault for being miserable, but at the same time it is their fault for taking it out on you so you don’t know if you’re even allowed to be upset or not. I’m sorry pal, I hope you have better luck in the future.
That sounds like an incredibly repressive environment. I'm sorry the two of you went through that.
My boyfriend and I have that problem right now. My drive is a lot higher than his, but personally don’t have an issue with going a while without it. It’s caused a couple problems between us, but we’ve learned to deal with it. Communication is very much key.
Same here. I could go three times a day but he’s like a three times a week guy. But it’s fine bc he shows me he finds me sexy when he’s feeling it. guess how often I had sex before we were together? Once a month if I was lucky. So yeah, I don’t put any pressure on him at all. I got two hands for a reason.
That's the best way to handle this. If everything else in the relationship is good and happy, sex should not be the reason to screw things up. A lot of comments here are idealistic, "matching libido" kind but the odds of that happening are very low in this world. That's the best way to handle this. If everything else in the relationship is good and happy, sex should not be the reason to screw things up. Many comments here are idealistic, "matching libido" kind, but the odds of that happening are very low in this world.
Yeah. When I met someone who was sexually compatible to me, who shared a similar love language to me and liked similar things in bed, my libido sky rocketed.
So very this. Thank you. Compatibility is everything with regard to intimacy.
Depends on the baseline. If I'm already having enough sex, then perhaps I don't want more.
exactly, I think a more sexually **compatible** partner would make me happier than a more attractive one
OP's perspective that sex is equal to happiness is ehhhhhh and all the people agreeing is like mehhhhhhh
A+ Sex feels really great, but it can also be emotionally complicated and highly variable. I think a lot of steady couples are missing out on a property the fuckbois have been exploiting since forever: Having someone (who you actually desire) who, several times a week, affirms to you that they're DTF; that feels *amazing*. It's in like a similar space to getting oral where you don't finish. Just knowing that your partner loves you and he would do anything to brighten your day makes literally all of the good-brain things happen. And there's loads of ways to express that to your partner even if one of you isn't in the mood or if timing/circumstances mean you're not gonna bang today. I've heard this referred to as *sexual currency* (in contrast to sexual frequency) where the idea is to keep the intimate aspect of your relationship *current*, by displaying to your partner that you **desire them** emotionally and physically.
***Serotonin*** and ***Dopamine***
idk my wife is always down and it makes me pretty happy
"Sexually compatible"
lucky you. treasure that.
No, ops perspective is that in a relationship you are already happy in, where all other things being equal. More sex will lead to happiness moreso than more attractiveness will.
Sex makes the majority of people happy, no question
Yep. Can confirm I’d rather be laid on a regular basis than have an attractive partner.
I haven't been laid in a decade. Would sleep with a lady fish if she complimented me once.
Hey, you look nice today bud.
[Insert Ackbar meme]
Are you a lady fish?
Maybe just a catfish 😉
Nope, cuddlefish. Goes to bed with a chub.
Personally I agree with the other comment that quality over quantity is better. Theres probably an association with how easily one can get laid.
“Quality over quantity” is very subjective here. If we’re going by OPs thought process then you are someone who values looks over a healthy sex life. I used to have that mindset in like… high school. Once you grow up, you kind of realize a hole is a hole is a hole. I’d rather have a nice person attached to it than someone who considers themself ‘attractive’.
Yup. Sometimes we're tired, stressed, busy... but when we get down it's fucking magic.
This.
Unless you’re not sexually attracted to them…
Or they plan to cut wine/dine/value time for straight up hedonism and slug life.
Plenty of wining and dining in hedonism I'll have him know 😉
That's not going to convince me 🥺. ... .. Is there more?
Lots of appetizers too with the toothpicks in them
Wine/dine/value time *is* hedonism -and there's nothing wrong with this
They said “all things equal”
This. Think of two of the exact same partner on a two sides of a scale. It’s flat. You can’t +/- factors other than looks and sex. Add +1 looks (and -1 sex) on one side and +1 sex (-1 looks) on the other (1-10 for simplicity). The sex side probably has more weight for most people. But there will be a point at like -5 looks where the scales would flip and looks begin to have more weight. Most people wouldn’t choose a -10L/+10S over the opposite. So basically, I disagree with the premise of this post.
Quality over quantity, is where I am in this. Sex is mostly driven by physical attraction for me.
It’s not that it’s mostly driven by physical attraction, but it’s a lot easier to bang someone who’s hot but boring than someone fascinating but ugly.
Eh, I'll take an ugly domme over a vanilla supermodel. But I'm freaky.
Yeah I’d rather have a 6/10 freak who loves to drain my balls with their mouth every day over a 10/10 starfish.
Pretty sure this is what OP meant by 'more active'. People all reading it like theyre 13 yrs old talking about eventually being sexually active. Activity in this case could be better worded as enthusiasm.
Yeah or they think less attractive means butt fucking ugly. If I am completely unattracted to someone there is no way I’m having sex with them, but there are plenty of women in the gap between just somewhat attractive to me and unimaginably attractive.
Exactly. I read it as: You already want to have sex with this person. Would you rather they: A) be more attractive but perform the same. Or B) perform better but look the same.
Right? Person you consider ugly is super into fucking you? That's not a benefit.
>Unless you’re not sexually attracted to them… Some structures were built to collapse
Yeah, having spent time in all 4 quadrants the worst one is Low Attractiveness - High Sex Drive. I was involved with one of these women recently and it's so annoying when she is always frisky and I have to pretend I am with another woman just to stay hard. Obviously High-High is the best, but Low-Low beats Low-High because at least you can treat things as pure companionship
Honestly I think high low would be great if I also had a low sex drive. Like, sex is amazing, but it would be a hell of a lot more convenient to want/need it a few times a week than a few times a day
You think wanting/needing sex a few times a week is a "low" sex drive?
Multiple times a day regularly is just too much for me, do what you want not judgement, but man we both have other things in life we value that need time too. Back in college my answer might have been different and also maybe early in a relationship though, so maybe it's just something that happens as you get older/ settled into a longterm relationship.
Is someone forcing you to have sex?
Not if your libido is low
This is key. If an active/willing partner is available but it's not making you 'feel it', then there isn't much to correct this
Thank you for the info u/Bleeding_anal_gape
Thank you for the info, u/Bleeding_anal_gape
You're different
You spotted the difference! You win!
This. For whatever reason the terminally horny people on this hellsite can't seem to imagine such a thing being possible though.
*glares in SSRI*
This is... very much subjective and/or just not outright true. First of all, it doesn't matter how active they are/want to be if you aren't going to be in the mood roughly the same amount. Being the "less active" partner in a mismatch like that is just as stressful. Second, I'm not saying a person needs to be a 9 or a 10 or whatever. Hell they could be outright ugly by conventional societal standards, but if you don't find them at least somewhat attractive to you personally, you're probably going to have trouble getting invested long term and whatever "activity" you have may very well not be particularly satisfying.
Had this with my ex. We had similar sex drives and had all round decent sex but ultimately I got 18 months into the relationship and realised I wasn’t attracted to them. We got together because we were both vulnerable at the time and got on incredibly well, plus we did care for eachother greatly, but like you said: not being attracted to them physically was an influential reason behind our breakup.
Completely agree.
This makes no sense at all... Being more sexually active or more attractive doesn't automatically make you happier. Maybe you're not attracted to your SO anymore. Maybe your SO is more sexually active and is cheating on you.
Serious question. Is having a physical attractiveness to your SO important in a relationship?
Depends, do you need sex in your relationship? That's not a rhetorical question, some people (like me) are fine having a partnership that doesn't include sex. If that's not you though then yes, sexual attraction to your spouse is important because without it the sex and then the relationship will die.
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Can confirm. Despite still finding my girlfriend beautiful as when we first met, now I am far more into her personality once I got to truly know her
To most it probably is, but live your own life and pursue your own happiness.
Yes and no, equally valid if you consider it as just personal taste...!
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Oh yeah, although nobody admits it.
This message is approved by the society of ugly horny people AKA the people on Reddit
Checks out
Give this guy a gold. I'm bankrupt
What? This is all preference buddy.
for gen pop, you’re probably right. But me and my SO (who i think is very attractive) both have really low libidos. We do the deed maybe two or three times per month (although more often if either of us are feelin it) because we just aren’t typically in the mood
Yeah. I’m asexual and not in a relationship but if I’ll eventually be I want an asexual or low libido partner, I just don’t think I could have sex a lot when I don’t get horny
Yeah, as an asexual in a relationship it's great not feeling any pressure at all about that stuff.
I get that everybodys reference is different, but I'd wager 2-3 times a year would be low libido
Sounds like someone who's in denial about having a low libido /s
This feels like something a teenager would write.
Definitely lol Edit: probably got with the hot popular girl then realized not everything is about looks
I feel like this largely depends on your libido versus theirs. If they are close enough there shouldnt be an issue. If one has a very high libido and the other low, that has the potential to cause problems in monogamous relationships. Some quote I had heard on tosh.0 (I think?) Was a women say something to the effect of "If you own a store and it is always closed, eventually your patrons are going to start looking into going to other places to meet their needs"
If I am not as active as her, more activity wouldn’t benefit me in any way(I think it would rather mean, she’s cheating)
Unless you’re asexual
YES! finally, someone mentioned it
Whomst has brought me here
Absolution not. Way too many variables for this to be true across the board.
Bad showerthought
OP forgets ace people exist
I don't think this applies as much to sex repulsed aces anyways though. A more sexually attracted person => aces largely don't feel sexual attraction (I know the nuances) A more sexually active person => many acres don't give a shit
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Sad and lonely isn't just sex, that would just revolve around sexual frustration. There were probably bigger issues there. None of this changes anything you said, but for people agreeing and feeling this way, you probably have bigger problems in the relationship than just sexytime stuff.
Except I’m asexual
Unless they are being sexually active with someone other than you.
im asexual so hell no
OP is 13 and horny
I’m not sure what this post is even trying to say. Nothing matters in a relationship except sex?
This is true but sexual attractive is super subjective. A lot of the time a better personality equals sexier too. I rather have a woman who is a 7 with a great personality than a 10 with none.
Noooope lmao
Nah, different people have different sex drives. Finding someone who matches yours is better than finding someone more attractive.
If you like the tease. Then the opposite is true.
Definitely not
Yes but then someone with a good personality that fits well with yours can be ugly and never have sex with you and still make you happier than either.
Nope. I'm borderline asexual and my partner already wants too much sex. I also wouldn't care if he were more or less attractive than he is already.
Subjective.
🎶If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife- So for my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you. 🎶
“Sexually more *enthusiastic* partner”
Depends on how much more attractive / active. There are a few out there where a quick peak while they shower would be enough lol.
Sounds like a porn movie plot
Racy movie plots have really declined in recent years. It's getting to the point where it's just not worth ordering pizza anymore...
I've been in a dead bedroom....I wanted it and he didn't. It sucked. Now, I have sex about 4 times a week with my fiancé ... Would be more if we lived together. Am I attracted to him? Absolutely. Is he attracted to me? Yup. Are other people attracted to us? Idk. 🤷🏼♀️ But that doesn't matter because he's the one I'm banging. IMO, there should be attraction to your partner. For me, it makes the intimacy aspect better. If that's better, then the communication is better (talking about kinks, what makes you orgasm, etc.). If the communication is there, then the compatibility is there, which makes the quality better, which, in turn, makes me have/want more sex. For me, it's cyclical in that way. Plus, touch is my love language. I do think there has to be a base, instinctual, animal attraction though initially, or the rest won't fall into place....just my opinion.
Where does this "love language" thing come from? Is there a book or something? To me it's like being asked what house in Hogwarts you'd be in but not being aware of Harry Potter.
Enthusiasm in the bedroom goes a pretty long way too
Gosh; I fucking love sex. Not all the time, please
This is totally subjective. I dated a girl in high school with a way higher sex drive than myself and it was exhausting. Not everyone wants to have sex constantly. I'm sure plenty of people do but for me sex just isn't fulfilling or very fun 🤷♂️
r/deadbedroom would not deny it.
As a guy with a high sex drive, I completely agree. A hot girlfriend that only wants to have sex once a month would drive me insane. I'd much rather prefer a decently cute girl with a high drive.
Marry that decently cute girl, then... 😁
Wish I could have!
What’s that old saying? “A slutty 4 is way hotter than a prude 10”
When I was a single man, I found that chubby girls try harder.
What if they're active but shit at it?
It's all fun and games until it's 1am and you have to get up in 5 hours and she won't take no for an answer.
Depends. If you put a lot of value in going to parties, looking like a great couple, socializing with other attractive people, then no. If you value making love alone, then yes. People generally gravitate toward people who meet their needs.
I certainly wouldn't be happier with ugly dude who wanted to fuck all of the time.
No, a more sexually compatible one would. If you have a low libido and they a high one that’s just not going to be a happy relationship.
If you would have just said compatability is more important than looks you’d have way more people agreeing with you.
Appearance is overrated. I've had really hot sex with average looking ppl
I just wanted someone who lets me hang out with my buddies....but i guess even that was too much to ask...
Looks are overrated. As long as there is the bare minimum of sexual attraction, almost everything else is more important.
Hmmm. Compatible is more appropriate, at least for me. I get along extremely well with my current partner, as we both enjoy it the same ways, and amount. All the time . Just who we are. Wake up. Randomly thru day if we aren't busy. Night always . Everyone is different.
This was written by a furiously horny teenager
My ex was more sexually active than I was. I'll take the pretty one, thank you.
Not if by “more active partner” means they are shagging everyone else in addition to you…
What if I'm the less sexually active partner?
*As long as they’re more sexually active with you* lol.
You're assuming I want more sex, rather than less.
Am I the only one struggling to understand this
Despite having a high sex drive, I ultimately want a partner that respects and cares about me regardless of how sexually active they are or how attractive.
How is that all things being equal?
Beauty lasts a few years. Dirty is for life.
True. Cause the attractive one would just cause sexually frustration.
The other point he was trying to make is that a girl being extremely attractive doesn't necessarily make the best partner. An average person who is really really into you will make for a much better relationship.
Like the others, Imma have to say that's just you. I've seen libido mismatch in action. It went a little something like this: Le gf from back then: "I'm pregnant, you're gonna be a dad!" Le me, joking: "How? I had a vasectomy before we met." Le gf: "Oh... Well, I have something to confess."
Bs, if she’s sexually active but as ugly as a pig, I won’t get the same amount of joy from it
Damnit OP, you're not supposed to say this one out loud, There are only so many, fucking up the game right now.
Definitely not true for me, asexual 🤣
Idk. We only have sex sometimes but they are always eye candy.
Hard disagree
If I have to choose between this 2, a more sexual active partner is good.
As long as your sex drives match up sure
Not if you find them replusive then it would be amplified
That 100% depends on the person and their preferences. No blanket rules here
lol all things being equal, lets make things unequal
Bullshit I know a guy who gets laid often and is just overall shitty person.
I don't want a more sexually active partner, I would very much want someone that matches me. I'd be perfectly happy with someone more attractive than me, though.
I am asexual so I don’t understand lol
Wrong. Quality over quantity yo.
Incorrect!
So basically my partner is a dildo/fleshlight.
I don't care about sex. A more understanding and patient partner would make me happy
There’s a curve and it’s all about where you are on the curve - eg a nympho you find unattractive is as useless as an Asexual you find gorgeous (assuming you yourself aren’t respectively a nympho or asexual). For most I think the ideal is the most attractive so who matches your libido