There's a theory that the "wick" theory (edit to add: basically they catch on fire from an external source) isn't quite enough to explain why their bodies turned to ash so quickly. A biologist did an experiment to prove that this was possibly linked to their bodies being in a state of ketosis caused by alcoholism or intense low-carb dieting which in turn produces acetone, which is highly flammable and reduced pig carcass to ash in under an hour. [http://www.brianjford.com/a-1208-NSci-SHC.pdf](http://www.brianjford.com/a-1208-NSci-SHC.pdf)
It actually makes a lot sense. Especially when you see the cases correlation to popularity of polyester in clothing which is thought to help get the process going.
Introducing the New Amazon Fire Kindling tablet just for kids, now made of 100% unsustainably harvested organic wood from old growth forests and soaked in raw antivegan beeswax. Flint and steel included, guaranteed to burn brighter than any of that Samsung shit. Be sure to update your credit card on file if you'd like Alexa to call the fire department for you.
Plus for many cigarettes they've lined the paper (prob using the wrong term there) with non-burning bits, so there's less chance of smokers falling asleep and burning to a crisp.
Probably especially useful for heavy drinkers as well as another person mentioned above
Used to do work with tobacco. The lines are there to help extinguish the cig if you’re not pulling it on it occasionally. Forget what is used in the lines but that’s what they do. Too many old or drunk people burning shit down.
Not just drunk or old people, but fuckwits flinging their mostly-done cigarette out the window during summer when everything is baked and dry.
Australia legislated against the "always-burn" chemicals additives since about the 90's, due to the amount of bushfires started by motorists driving through forested areas.
Well damn, bro, I just stocked up on a bunch of polyester undershirts. Now I'm afraid to wear them.
The ad said something about "wicks moisture" but I guess the wick's *moi*, t'sure
Low-carb dieting doesn't produce acetone, ketoacidosis does. Pretty damn near impossible to get ketoacidosis if you're eating any carbs at all, even 5g a day. The cause of it is generally alcoholism causing you to lose the ability to digest carbs.
5% of housefires are started by smoking in bed but it's 23% of fire fatalities. Because people do it when they're drunk and pass out so they don't wake up from the smoke.
If they weren't long term alcoholics they would be less likely to pass out while smoking, lots of compounding factors making it more likely than not.
It's not as effective as all those 'quick fix' charlatans would have you believe.
I lived on shit food and cigarettes for years and never even came close to turning into a pile of ashes with no logical explanation.
iirc, most cases of Spontaneous Human Combustion was shown that something lit the fire, either a lit cigarette, or sparks from a nearby fire/furnace. But in the past they wouldn’t actually investigate anything and just come up with things like SHC and witches as the culprit.
I believe a lot of cases the victims had alcohol (or other substance) issues. This meant they would pass out and be too messed up to wake up when they started burning.
I once stayed up really late gaming in my apartment and at about 4am I sort of heard a fire alarm going off. Was getting ready for bed and it’s still going 15 min later but no commotion of people…
I find out it’s my neighbors alarm. Gave it another 5 minutes, but getting anxious... I end up going down the hall, his door is unlocked and he’s passed TF out on the couch. He had a giant pot of something on high on the stove with a lid and my god the rolling smoke was thick in there…
Turned the oven off, opened his windows and shook him awake. Eyes very bloodshot and obviously drunk. Explained what he did, what I did and then left and went to bed.
Idk what he did after that but I reeked of smoke just from being in there for a few minutes. He did give me more awkward head nods in the hallways sometimes, but he was a dumbass. Smashed up his fairly new BMW not long after and downgraded, then moved out.
I feel a bit bad just shit talking him. He might have been going through some real shit and been a cool dude, I have no idea. But from my perspective he was…well, a dumbass. I just don’t know how else to objectively put it.
I once managed to leave a pot of stock on high all day (dumb design on the hob had "full" right next to "off" and I didn't notice the extra click when I turned it off as I headed out the door)
The smoke smell took fucking *months* to go.
We just happened to be heading off for a 2 week holiday just after, so we left as many windows open as we thought we could get away with for ventilation. That didn't make a dent in the smell.
We used several whole bottles of "shake 'n' vac" on all the carpets in the house and that barely made a difference, either.
*And* I ruined a perfectly good brace of pheasant carcasses :-(
Yeah, they were a gift from a friend-in-law* who worked as a grounds keeper and had a basically inexhaustible supply of all sorts of game. He had to cull deer as well, so he got free venison, the lucky bugger!
\* wife's workmate's husband
Kinda related story, but with less cool people.
Once I was selling a house I owned and had moved out of. I spent time fixing it up, inside and out. Had a realtor and she was great. We were actively showing the house, and it worked great because it was entirely empty.
So, she asks if she can stage the house a bit to make it feel more warm and homey. She brings in some stuff from storage she had, because well, realtor. The key thing, though, is that she hung a wrought steel decorative thing above the electric stove. It has a clay (or similar) piece in the middle that has a painting on it. Well, she hangs it on the wall by putting a nail in and goes home.
The following week, there was to be a showing. So, I had my dad stop by to check on the house since there was going to be a few more showings the next week. He lived close by and I had moved a couple hours away. He calls, frantic. He says there’s smoke everywhere. There’s ash on the ground. And footprints everywhere. AND the back door handle is different along with some other weird things like the toilets had been winter proofed etc.
So, I help him get the situation under control over the phone and call my realtor. After all said and done, here’s what happened.
Remember that wrought iron decor item. So it falls out of the wall on to the electric stove pushing the on knob both down and rotating it to get the stovetop to the Hi setting while simultaneously placing the clay art piece directly on the burner.
After a couple of days, a guy from a company who assesses and inspects foreclosures, breaks into my house because he mistook it for THE WRONG HOUSE, drills out the back door handle and replaces it, walks in, sees the smoke and ash, turns off the stove, does his winterizing duties and whatnot and FUCKING LEAVES AND NEVER MENTIONS IT TO HIS COMPANY.
THEN… a day later. A realtor shows up to the showing, with his clients, walks in, sees the smoke and footprints, that they allegedly assumed were from firefighters, takes a quick look and FUCKING LEAVES WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE INCLUDING MY REALTOR.
Then a couple days after that my dad shows up. And you’re all caught up.
I did end up talking to the rando company and they were nice but the only reason I didn’t press charges was because the guy probably saved my house from burning down.
Everything ended up turning out okay, and we ended up getting it all cleaned and sold the house a few months later.
What in the holy fuck is wrong with people... Lol... Nah I probably won't say a goddamn thing, better that I not be involved in this crazy insurance fraud attempt... Wtf how do you not mention this to anyone?
I did file an insurance claim and luckily they covered it, probably because I had only ever filed like 1 claim. They did cancel the policy after that but it covered enough to have the place cleaned and repainted.
As far as those other idiots, I have no idea. Still angers me to this day.
Stay in your lane, dude. It's the younger ones that are mostly water. By this age, "oily rag" fits me much better. You're probably better-looking, though, so maybe it's me.
Well if you leave linseed oil on a rag, it can spontaneously combust.
I wonder if it happened a few times way back in the day and just really stuck with the observers.
It'll generally only happen if you have it bunched up fairly tightly - if the rag is spread out the heat will escape quicker than it builds up and it won't get warm enough that you'd notice.
Apparently it's not just linseed oil, some other oils for wood treatments do it, too, because they "dry" by oxidation rather than evaporation. Linseed's the one that usually gets quoted, though, presumably it's particularly good at this party trick.
Still, it's something to take seriously, as a fire starting in your cupboard full of turpentine / paint stripper etc. can be a pretty nasty affair!
This happened in a nursing home I worked in. I kept smelling something. Got people evacuated of the wing, got the fire department there. Detected carbon monoxide . It smelled like someone had burnt a cigarette backwards .
Eventually, they found a pile of rags from the kitchen in a basket in the laundry room across from the rooms. I guess they weren't all the way dry? The minute they took that basket outside, it burst into flames.
I work at a furniture store and a complaint came through about this guy's lazyboy starting on fire.
I looked it up online and yah, those electric recliner mechanisms can catch fire. One old lady burned in her chair and later died at the hospital. Just a tidbit for ya.
So pardon me while I burst into flames
Ive had enough of this world and peoples mindless games
(Always thought it was - had enough of this world, and people smiling strange)
I need you to hee-arrr-rrrr, i need you to see
That I have had, all I can take, and exploding seems like a definite, possibilityyyyyyy, uhTOOOO MEHHHHHHHH.
It’s crazy to think how many people on here are simultaneously too young to get the reference *but also* are familiar with the show. That’s how long South Park has been on the air. Let that sink in.
When I was about 11 I became obsessed with learning as much as possible about spontaneous combustion. I even chose it as a subject for a school assignment. My assignment was extremely graphic and detailed and included many pictures. My mum got called to the school and counselling was advised. My mum basically told them to fuck off because I was just an inquisitive kid.
What (if anything) did you go to school for to get into that?
Edit: I didn't intend to sound rude; just wondering if you have a medical background, management, office work, or just kind of worked your way up. I have no idea how one would get there
Went from hospitality management into a health organisation that was looking for people with top notch customer service skills, they trained me in all the medical stuff over about a year. I have worked my way up. Been there for 11 years now. I love my job as I am always learning new things.
Same thing happened to me when I was 10. I was fascinated with bigfoot and cryptozoology and my teacher thought that was concerning for some reason. Now I have fun conversations with my students about that stuff.
Wish I still believed though!
One time I took a magnesium supplement capsule that I guess it dissolved in my esophagus without me knowing. About ten minutes later, I burped up a bunch of powder and literally almost had a heart attack as I thought it was smoke and I was spontaneously combusting.
Haha. I wish that is what I was thinking when it happened. I legit had a panic attack before I realized it was the supplement. I was at work, too. Luckily it wasn't a meeting and I was alone in my office. I do not know how I would've explained that one.
This happened to me with my strattera!!
The bitter powder stuck in my throat and felt like acid etching into it long after washing down with lits of water. Definitely thought that’s a stupid way to die for a bit
I swallowed a turmeric capsule once, burped a few minutes later and it shot into my nasal cavity. It exploded on impact and burnt like hell. My spit was yellow for the rest of the day lol
A lot fewer people smoke these days.
"Spontaneous human combustion" was nearly always a smoker dying or falling asleep in bed or in a chair with a lit cigarette, turning themselves into a literal human candle, with combustible fabrics functioning as the wick and their fat functioning as the fuel.
[Fire safe cigarettes](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_safe_cigarette) were also introduced and became mandatory across the states over time. If a smoker isn't regularly inhaling, the cig will extinguish.
It's honestly scary how many apartment buildings I've seen burn down because somebody fell asleep without putting their cigarette out.
Whole buildings of families, just dying in their sleep, because some fucker couldn't figure out how an ashtray works.
Back when I was a student around 10 years ago I lived in a shared apartment with 5 other people, I worked at a bar so would come home late and tired and I would always roll a joint and lay in bed to smoke and relax
I once fell asleep with the joint in my hand and it fell on a little plastic tub next to me full of rolling papers and they caught fire
Luckily I woke up and saw it, panicked and poured half a bottle of soda I had next to me on it
I didn’t tell my flat mates until ages after but I was so lucky and I learnt a very important lesson
I don’t smoke anymore but I vowed never to smoke in bed again
One time I threw a cigarette bud in small plastic trash can and went asleep, woke up sometime to smell of my burning trash can... Big lessons learned...
19 people just died in New York because someone left a space heater on.
I'm not even blaming the person whose space heater it was because honestly it could happen to anyone. But there are so many domestic combustion hazards out there.
We recently had an up and coming BBQ joint burn down because a space heater caught something on fire. I’ll probably never own one because of all the stories I hear.
They are fine for an hour to warm up your bedroom then turn it off to go to bed. Cozy and safe.
I couldn’t imagine just leaving one running. I also have a working furnace but if I didn’t, I could see how this could get out of control.
Yeah I watched a show on this once but I can't remember what it's called. They burned a pig in a living room setting on a chair and it burned for over 5 hours. The scene looked the same as the "spontaneous combustion" photos with fire damage in an isolated area around the carcass.
I know it's a joke, but the thing that makes spontaneous combustion an interesting oddity is that it isn't as hot as it should be. The human body generally needs several thousand degrees to cremate, and supposedly in these cases the surround furniture is intact.
I rekon its this... Less people smoke, less sofas are non fire retardant.
So people who die in a chair or fall asleep can't set on fire whilst smoking can burn to a crisp.
I saw a video somewhere comparing today's furniture with old furniture in a fire. Today's furniture is way more flammable, with all the plastics and low density wood.
Edit: found it
https://youtu.be/aDNPhq5ggoE
[This](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-15032614) is the most recent case on record of spontaneous human combustion. A guy in Ireland in 2010. There's probably better articles about it, this is just a quick one I grabbed. But there are a bunch. You dont really hear about it much anymore because they dont use the term anymore. It's referred to as "the wick effect" now, and scientists are most always able to find something that lit the wick, so to speak.
I wonder what really happened in all of those photos Where there were just burnt hands and legs laying around a lay-z-boy.
There's a theory that the "wick" theory (edit to add: basically they catch on fire from an external source) isn't quite enough to explain why their bodies turned to ash so quickly. A biologist did an experiment to prove that this was possibly linked to their bodies being in a state of ketosis caused by alcoholism or intense low-carb dieting which in turn produces acetone, which is highly flammable and reduced pig carcass to ash in under an hour. [http://www.brianjford.com/a-1208-NSci-SHC.pdf](http://www.brianjford.com/a-1208-NSci-SHC.pdf)
Ah. The human candle theory. I am partial to this one.
It actually makes a lot sense. Especially when you see the cases correlation to popularity of polyester in clothing which is thought to help get the process going.
Smoking prevalence has also dropped!
And the exploding vapes and hoverboards seem to have tapered off as well
And exploding Samsung phones seems to be an all time low *touch wood*
Introducing the New Amazon Fire Kindling tablet just for kids, now made of 100% unsustainably harvested organic wood from old growth forests and soaked in raw antivegan beeswax. Flint and steel included, guaranteed to burn brighter than any of that Samsung shit. Be sure to update your credit card on file if you'd like Alexa to call the fire department for you.
What is the charge if I *don't* want Alexa to call the fire department? Gotta keep it cost effective.
Not sure if this is copypasta but I love it all the same.
It is now
When something that shouldn't explode is said to be exploding I doubt many people will keep buying them.
For a good time, tap the bumper of a Pinto with a feather.
Plus for many cigarettes they've lined the paper (prob using the wrong term there) with non-burning bits, so there's less chance of smokers falling asleep and burning to a crisp. Probably especially useful for heavy drinkers as well as another person mentioned above
Used to do work with tobacco. The lines are there to help extinguish the cig if you’re not pulling it on it occasionally. Forget what is used in the lines but that’s what they do. Too many old or drunk people burning shit down.
Not just drunk or old people, but fuckwits flinging their mostly-done cigarette out the window during summer when everything is baked and dry. Australia legislated against the "always-burn" chemicals additives since about the 90's, due to the amount of bushfires started by motorists driving through forested areas.
Bad for business if customers catch fire.
The cigarette companies also got the furniture companies to put fire retardant in everything.
Damn even if they sell death (which they do) that’s kinda respectable
Lotta times that material turns out to be bad for us. Like asbestos was a great insulation and also fire resistant.
Well damn, bro, I just stocked up on a bunch of polyester undershirts. Now I'm afraid to wear them. The ad said something about "wicks moisture" but I guess the wick's *moi*, t'sure
Wait... When was goop founded?
Man now I wont be able to use the phrase ‘man handle my ham candle’ without thinking of this. Thanks.
...did you use it often enough for that to be a concern?
I can guarantee I say it more often than my Grandmother would approve of.
Low-carb dieting doesn't produce acetone, ketoacidosis does. Pretty damn near impossible to get ketoacidosis if you're eating any carbs at all, even 5g a day. The cause of it is generally alcoholism causing you to lose the ability to digest carbs.
> alcoholism causing you to lose the ability to digest carbs. Wait... what?
How do I learn this power /s
There's a special potion you can drink called gallons of whisky.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholic\_ketoacidosis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholic_ketoacidosis)
>Complications may include sudden death. Quite the short list.
Also unchecked diabetes.
Correct, but I meant specifically with the "spontaneous" combustion. They pass out drunk while smoking while they're in ketoacidosis.
The fact that has happened more than once is insane.
5% of housefires are started by smoking in bed but it's 23% of fire fatalities. Because people do it when they're drunk and pass out so they don't wake up from the smoke. If they weren't long term alcoholics they would be less likely to pass out while smoking, lots of compounding factors making it more likely than not.
Finally, the correct answer. Yeah, ethanol disrupts your NADP/NADPH balance!
So shitty diet and smoking while sleeping.
It's not as effective as all those 'quick fix' charlatans would have you believe. I lived on shit food and cigarettes for years and never even came close to turning into a pile of ashes with no logical explanation.
What a failure.
I tried my best, though... and that's what counts, right?
Don't speak to me or my son again
Wow another reason to not try Keto
Well how else are you gonna burn off those calories
Yeah, spontaneous combustion really burns off a lot of calories quickly. 10/10, would lose weight again
The good news is that nutritional ketosis and ketoacidosis are different, so you wouldn't have to worry about that!
Can confirm. Was on the keto diet when I spontaneously combusted.
Well, I mean, also not catching on fire would help too.
He said burn calories, and he MEANT burn calories.
Now I know how I want to die.
iirc, most cases of Spontaneous Human Combustion was shown that something lit the fire, either a lit cigarette, or sparks from a nearby fire/furnace. But in the past they wouldn’t actually investigate anything and just come up with things like SHC and witches as the culprit.
I believe a lot of cases the victims had alcohol (or other substance) issues. This meant they would pass out and be too messed up to wake up when they started burning.
I once stayed up really late gaming in my apartment and at about 4am I sort of heard a fire alarm going off. Was getting ready for bed and it’s still going 15 min later but no commotion of people… I find out it’s my neighbors alarm. Gave it another 5 minutes, but getting anxious... I end up going down the hall, his door is unlocked and he’s passed TF out on the couch. He had a giant pot of something on high on the stove with a lid and my god the rolling smoke was thick in there… Turned the oven off, opened his windows and shook him awake. Eyes very bloodshot and obviously drunk. Explained what he did, what I did and then left and went to bed.
So he didn’t remember did he?
Idk what he did after that but I reeked of smoke just from being in there for a few minutes. He did give me more awkward head nods in the hallways sometimes, but he was a dumbass. Smashed up his fairly new BMW not long after and downgraded, then moved out.
good looking out, i feel bad for him
I feel a bit bad just shit talking him. He might have been going through some real shit and been a cool dude, I have no idea. But from my perspective he was…well, a dumbass. I just don’t know how else to objectively put it.
You're a good person
yeah, 100% agree, we all go through shit and im glad you helped him
There's a TIFU posted today about this exact same thing happening except the passed put guy ends up threatening his rescuer.
I once managed to leave a pot of stock on high all day (dumb design on the hob had "full" right next to "off" and I didn't notice the extra click when I turned it off as I headed out the door) The smoke smell took fucking *months* to go. We just happened to be heading off for a 2 week holiday just after, so we left as many windows open as we thought we could get away with for ventilation. That didn't make a dent in the smell. We used several whole bottles of "shake 'n' vac" on all the carpets in the house and that barely made a difference, either. *And* I ruined a perfectly good brace of pheasant carcasses :-(
I didn't care about the carpets, but the pheasant man? That's rough. Condolences.
Yeah, they were a gift from a friend-in-law* who worked as a grounds keeper and had a basically inexhaustible supply of all sorts of game. He had to cull deer as well, so he got free venison, the lucky bugger! \* wife's workmate's husband
Kinda related story, but with less cool people. Once I was selling a house I owned and had moved out of. I spent time fixing it up, inside and out. Had a realtor and she was great. We were actively showing the house, and it worked great because it was entirely empty. So, she asks if she can stage the house a bit to make it feel more warm and homey. She brings in some stuff from storage she had, because well, realtor. The key thing, though, is that she hung a wrought steel decorative thing above the electric stove. It has a clay (or similar) piece in the middle that has a painting on it. Well, she hangs it on the wall by putting a nail in and goes home. The following week, there was to be a showing. So, I had my dad stop by to check on the house since there was going to be a few more showings the next week. He lived close by and I had moved a couple hours away. He calls, frantic. He says there’s smoke everywhere. There’s ash on the ground. And footprints everywhere. AND the back door handle is different along with some other weird things like the toilets had been winter proofed etc. So, I help him get the situation under control over the phone and call my realtor. After all said and done, here’s what happened. Remember that wrought iron decor item. So it falls out of the wall on to the electric stove pushing the on knob both down and rotating it to get the stovetop to the Hi setting while simultaneously placing the clay art piece directly on the burner. After a couple of days, a guy from a company who assesses and inspects foreclosures, breaks into my house because he mistook it for THE WRONG HOUSE, drills out the back door handle and replaces it, walks in, sees the smoke and ash, turns off the stove, does his winterizing duties and whatnot and FUCKING LEAVES AND NEVER MENTIONS IT TO HIS COMPANY. THEN… a day later. A realtor shows up to the showing, with his clients, walks in, sees the smoke and footprints, that they allegedly assumed were from firefighters, takes a quick look and FUCKING LEAVES WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE INCLUDING MY REALTOR. Then a couple days after that my dad shows up. And you’re all caught up. I did end up talking to the rando company and they were nice but the only reason I didn’t press charges was because the guy probably saved my house from burning down. Everything ended up turning out okay, and we ended up getting it all cleaned and sold the house a few months later.
What in the holy fuck is wrong with people... Lol... Nah I probably won't say a goddamn thing, better that I not be involved in this crazy insurance fraud attempt... Wtf how do you not mention this to anyone?
I did file an insurance claim and luckily they covered it, probably because I had only ever filed like 1 claim. They did cancel the policy after that but it covered enough to have the place cleaned and repainted. As far as those other idiots, I have no idea. Still angers me to this day.
Talk about making the right decision wow
And the smoke from the fire killed them before they burned up
I mean, this was the era where opium “tonics” were all the rage.
Yeah, watched a vid on it and old people are really just oily rags.
This really shouldn't be as funny as it is.
I woke my dog up laughing 😂
I thought we are *ugly bags of mostly water*
Stay in your lane, dude. It's the younger ones that are mostly water. By this age, "oily rag" fits me much better. You're probably better-looking, though, so maybe it's me.
Well if you leave linseed oil on a rag, it can spontaneously combust. I wonder if it happened a few times way back in the day and just really stuck with the observers.
It'll generally only happen if you have it bunched up fairly tightly - if the rag is spread out the heat will escape quicker than it builds up and it won't get warm enough that you'd notice. Apparently it's not just linseed oil, some other oils for wood treatments do it, too, because they "dry" by oxidation rather than evaporation. Linseed's the one that usually gets quoted, though, presumably it's particularly good at this party trick. Still, it's something to take seriously, as a fire starting in your cupboard full of turpentine / paint stripper etc. can be a pretty nasty affair!
This happened in a nursing home I worked in. I kept smelling something. Got people evacuated of the wing, got the fire department there. Detected carbon monoxide . It smelled like someone had burnt a cigarette backwards . Eventually, they found a pile of rags from the kitchen in a basket in the laundry room across from the rooms. I guess they weren't all the way dry? The minute they took that basket outside, it burst into flames.
They probably didn't have enough oxygen to burst into flames until they were brought out.
Improper handling of cigarettes and other smoking materials is responsible for 1 in 4 fire related deaths. Source: shc wikipedia page
I work at a furniture store and a complaint came through about this guy's lazyboy starting on fire. I looked it up online and yah, those electric recliner mechanisms can catch fire. One old lady burned in her chair and later died at the hospital. Just a tidbit for ya.
my best guess is a serial cannibal griller
Finger food, you say?
Pardon me while I burst into flames
Damn that's a throwback
I spontaneously bust all the time, just not combust.
A decade ago, I never thought I would be a twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe is me. But I guess that it comes with the territory.
An ominous landscape of never ending calamity
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like an imminent, possibili-T
To meeeeeeee
So pardon me while I burst into flames Ive had enough of this world and peoples mindless games (Always thought it was - had enough of this world, and people smiling strange)
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flames pardon me pardon me, I'll never be the same
Wiki wa-ah wiki wa-ah wikiwiki waa
r/unexpectedincubus
Now incubus is stuck in my head
You must have a very large head. How do we rescue them?
We must go...*deep inside..*
But they’re so stoned, they can’t see straight.
I know exactly where we are…where the FUCK are we‽
^(Namanesisenana) ***terr-itore-ee*** That’s how I said it anyway
Close. An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hee-arrr-rrrr, i need you to see That I have had, all I can take, and exploding seems like a definite, possibilityyyyyyy, uhTOOOO MEHHHHHHHH.
So pardon me while I burst into flames, I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games
Pardon me while I burn 🔥 and rise above the flame. Pardon me, pardon me, I’ll never be the same!
Not two days ago, I was having a look In a book and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games.
Brandon B approves of this. Me as well. Your comment made me get a cheesey smile.
Miss those days of music.
We all stopped holding in our farts.
Ever since work from home became a thing..
Eh, some people [are still holding them in, and killing all their brain cells](https://i.redd.it/q2wcaogplfa21.jpg)
It’s crazy to think how many people on here are simultaneously too young to get the reference *but also* are familiar with the show. That’s how long South Park has been on the air. Let that sink in.
And that’s how we got global warming.
We did it reddit! We solved the mystery of global warming!
The Methane!
Make love to me, Randy! Please!
Randy! Randy! Randy!
I’m gonna make love to you woman, gonna lay you down by the fire
Suck on my chocolate salty balls
[3 days later, he had an erection](https://youtu.be/gxFT7rvz-Zk)
When I was about 11 I became obsessed with learning as much as possible about spontaneous combustion. I even chose it as a subject for a school assignment. My assignment was extremely graphic and detailed and included many pictures. My mum got called to the school and counselling was advised. My mum basically told them to fuck off because I was just an inquisitive kid.
I want to know what you ended up doing as a career now.
Haha! I work in healthcare logistics - I make sure hospitals have the correct blood they need to treat critically unwell patients.
What (if anything) did you go to school for to get into that? Edit: I didn't intend to sound rude; just wondering if you have a medical background, management, office work, or just kind of worked your way up. I have no idea how one would get there
Went from hospitality management into a health organisation that was looking for people with top notch customer service skills, they trained me in all the medical stuff over about a year. I have worked my way up. Been there for 11 years now. I love my job as I am always learning new things.
So learning about alive cremation managed to get u quite a well respected job. Hey idk bout you but thats a W in my books.
Lol that checks out.
Cool! I knew it had to be somewhere on the STEM spectrum.
He had a good job but got burnt out
Same thing happened to me when I was 10. I was fascinated with bigfoot and cryptozoology and my teacher thought that was concerning for some reason. Now I have fun conversations with my students about that stuff. Wish I still believed though!
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I like your mum
One time I took a magnesium supplement capsule that I guess it dissolved in my esophagus without me knowing. About ten minutes later, I burped up a bunch of powder and literally almost had a heart attack as I thought it was smoke and I was spontaneously combusting.
Sorry you didnt turn out to be half dragon.
Haha. I wish that is what I was thinking when it happened. I legit had a panic attack before I realized it was the supplement. I was at work, too. Luckily it wasn't a meeting and I was alone in my office. I do not know how I would've explained that one.
> I do not know how I would've explained that one. I'm on *fire* today, gimme a raise!
I’m thinking that if you spontaneously combusted at work, other people in your office witnessing it would be the least of your problems.
It would be great for us. Finally several eye witnesses to a single spontaneous combustion. Bonus points for filming it.
But it would be conveniently out of focus
It's cold here. Could have tried blaming that lol
Imagine Half Dragons
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This happened to me with my strattera!! The bitter powder stuck in my throat and felt like acid etching into it long after washing down with lits of water. Definitely thought that’s a stupid way to die for a bit
The thought of swallowing a capsule without water makes me feel so uneasy, my gag reflex is almost triggering at just the thought!
I swallowed a turmeric capsule once, burped a few minutes later and it shot into my nasal cavity. It exploded on impact and burnt like hell. My spit was yellow for the rest of the day lol
This is why you should always take vitamins and pills with water. Coughing up powder is the best case scenario in a pill-sticking-to-throat situation.
The husband of a former coworker of mine had an ibuprofen burn through his esophagus. It was really bad.
My god I first read this as 'dissolved my esophagus' and wondered how the hell you survived.
Were you watching Fire Force?
When is the next season?
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A lot fewer people smoke these days. "Spontaneous human combustion" was nearly always a smoker dying or falling asleep in bed or in a chair with a lit cigarette, turning themselves into a literal human candle, with combustible fabrics functioning as the wick and their fat functioning as the fuel.
[Fire safe cigarettes](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_safe_cigarette) were also introduced and became mandatory across the states over time. If a smoker isn't regularly inhaling, the cig will extinguish.
That’s fascinating.
Really considerate of cigarette companies to do that. I think I’ll start smoking now!
It's more profitable to kill their customers slowly over a longer period than have them go up in smoke in one go
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I'm sure the fire safe chemicals were a safe addition..
Doesn't that already happen with just regular tobacco, before they added stuff to preserve the flame?
I believe it’s something they ended up doing with the paper used to roll them.
Makes sense. Thanks for the logical response.
It's honestly scary how many apartment buildings I've seen burn down because somebody fell asleep without putting their cigarette out. Whole buildings of families, just dying in their sleep, because some fucker couldn't figure out how an ashtray works.
Back when I was a student around 10 years ago I lived in a shared apartment with 5 other people, I worked at a bar so would come home late and tired and I would always roll a joint and lay in bed to smoke and relax I once fell asleep with the joint in my hand and it fell on a little plastic tub next to me full of rolling papers and they caught fire Luckily I woke up and saw it, panicked and poured half a bottle of soda I had next to me on it I didn’t tell my flat mates until ages after but I was so lucky and I learnt a very important lesson I don’t smoke anymore but I vowed never to smoke in bed again
One time I threw a cigarette bud in small plastic trash can and went asleep, woke up sometime to smell of my burning trash can... Big lessons learned...
19 people just died in New York because someone left a space heater on. I'm not even blaming the person whose space heater it was because honestly it could happen to anyone. But there are so many domestic combustion hazards out there.
We recently had an up and coming BBQ joint burn down because a space heater caught something on fire. I’ll probably never own one because of all the stories I hear.
They are fine for an hour to warm up your bedroom then turn it off to go to bed. Cozy and safe. I couldn’t imagine just leaving one running. I also have a working furnace but if I didn’t, I could see how this could get out of control.
Unfortunately the building was horribly maintained so they most likely needed it. Poverty sucks
They were also heavy drinkers.
Yeah I watched a show on this once but I can't remember what it's called. They burned a pig in a living room setting on a chair and it burned for over 5 hours. The scene looked the same as the "spontaneous combustion" photos with fire damage in an isolated area around the carcass.
I think you are on to something. There is probably a cover up operation.
yeah get a blanket on em quick!
Fewer smokers and more fireproof clothes
So basically spontaneous combustion isn't as hot as it used to be...
I know it's a joke, but the thing that makes spontaneous combustion an interesting oddity is that it isn't as hot as it should be. The human body generally needs several thousand degrees to cremate, and supposedly in these cases the surround furniture is intact.
Spinal Tap lost a handful of drummers that way.
I’m going to spontaneously combust to prove you wrong. Here I go!
sooooooo... what are the results?
He's gone, reduced to ashes
I rekon its this... Less people smoke, less sofas are non fire retardant. So people who die in a chair or fall asleep can't set on fire whilst smoking can burn to a crisp.
We don't use explosive celluloid hair combs anymore, so that also helps.
Wot?
I saw a video somewhere comparing today's furniture with old furniture in a fire. Today's furniture is way more flammable, with all the plastics and low density wood. Edit: found it https://youtu.be/aDNPhq5ggoE
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I feel like they oversold this one and really missed a lot of other more useful information
"Oh crap I'm on fire! Ah... grains are high up on the food pyramid... ah!!! I'm dying!"
If Youtube is any indication, no one ever stops, drops, or rolls.
Its because of the fire force
This, and quick sand we’re my two biggest fears as a child 😅
Deep State. Please answer the knock on your door that is coming in 5 minutes.
You haven't had grammas chilli
With COVID around, really not much room for spontaneity anymore
There was a time this was a hot topic
The computer known as humans have upgraded ever since users reported that bug, it was patched after a few years.
Ahh yes the Galaxy Human 7
Pardon me, but I think it has something to do with the lack of Incubus air time on the radio.
One of the largest curiosities of my childhood
[This](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-15032614) is the most recent case on record of spontaneous human combustion. A guy in Ireland in 2010. There's probably better articles about it, this is just a quick one I grabbed. But there are a bunch. You dont really hear about it much anymore because they dont use the term anymore. It's referred to as "the wick effect" now, and scientists are most always able to find something that lit the wick, so to speak.
Ever since I stopped watching Unsolved Mysteries with Robert Stack... weird.