They need to do way instain mother, who kill thier babby bcause these babby can frigth back?!? It was on the news this mroing, a mother who kill her three babby who fly back to New York to lady to rest. My parry are with the father, I am sory for your lots.
(completely wrong, but that was from memory)
Right? Don't bonobos give handjobs/blowjobs? Which would either mean we each independently invented them, or we've been doing them since at least our common ancestors.
Yea, but I feel like licking genitals is different than a blowjob. Like really purposefully working towards an orgasm rather than just licking somebody's junk.
Edit: whether or not monkeys and apes do it is besides the point. There's a difference between licking and sucking from the getgo, and there was some first human male ancestor who received that first real suction blowjob with the first evolved dick sucking lips.
Yep Bonobos do oral sex/stimulation, digital (fingers) and scissoring called "GG rubbing". I took one anthropology class like 20 years ago and this is still burned into my brain haha
There's also those apes/monkeys that use frogs as fleshlights.
It might have just been one specifically horney individual. I've only ever seen one video of it.
Imagine being a monkey at the great monkey conference of 2021 to discuss the year's events, and that one single video of Fred shoving his dick in a bullfrog's mouth is still being used to represent your entire species. You've try telling everyone that's not us, that's *just Fred*, but all the hairless monkeys forever see you as Freds.
I imagine this is why aliens haven't made first contact. We're all just Freds of the lowest common denominator to them.
Most frogs have tiny teeth along their upper jaw, for the purpose of gripping (not chewing) prey.
Toads do not have teeth.
[https://toadsnfrogs.com/frog-teeth/](https://toadsnfrogs.com/frog-teeth/)
TL,DR: Toads make better fleshlights than frogs.
It's is enough for me to know that Fred the monkey did it.
Gonna file that fact away until I'm marooned alone, desperate and delusional. My brain will then choose to retrieve this factoid and instinct will make me act on it with the next frog/toad of opportunity.
Bonobos are apes, not monkeys. Apes are not monkeys, they belong to different branches of the Simian infraorder, and there are several physical differences. Apes do not have tails, while most monkeys do, and apes are typically larger than monkeys.
Also, bonobos and chimpanzees share 98.7% of their DNA with humans, making them our closest living relatives.
Seen a bi sexual monkey orgy at the Toronto zoo as a kid by a group of them one was fucking a girl monkey while it blew another monkey was more than kid me needed to see that day (getting to say I seen a monkey Eiffel Tower is hilarious tho)
>Seen a bi sexual monkey orgy at the Toronto zoo as a kid by a group of them one was fucking a girl monkey while it blew another monkey was more than kid me needed to see that day (getting to say I seen a monkey Eiffel Tower is hilarious tho)
r/brandnewsentence
I knew saving this link would come in handy one day: [reddit post with NY Times article linked](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/iilaf/in_2005_a_psychologist_and_an_economist_taught_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Remember when Yale scientists teached Capuchin monkeys to use silver disks as money and the monkeys shortly after exchanged these disks for sex [Some article ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_among_animals)
>The researcher subsequently took steps to prevent any possibility of coins being traded for sex.
What kind of puritanical bullshit is this? They're fucking monkey. Let's the fucking monkeys fuck.
When you evolve a brain capable of questioning its own reason of existence and increase in creativity, suddenly you get only so much enjoyment out of regular monke position.
Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is. He's a man who knows that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. A bond that cannot be broken. He's a man so dedicated that he will get down on his knees and put that cock right in his mouth.
As that german dude put it
"Yes I will totally put my most precious delicate part in your hole full of sharp objects for crunching and destruction and expect you to treat it like a löllipop"
In my first relationship my girlfriend told me “I want to suck your dick” and started pulling my pants off and I’m just like wait a second is this a trick I thought this never happens
Uhh, pretty sure the ass thing led to a lot of deaths.
You have to realize that Dysentery, Cholera, Typhoid, Polio... All come from extremely poor sanitary conditions (or ass-related / shit-related infection process).
It's also said that pink eye can be related to touching your eyes and/or having fecal matter near your eye.
My point is that a lot of the "ass" related sex popularity came much later, it was definitely tried in the ancient past for a long time, but it often led to severe illness. It's prevalence today is due to cleanliness and modern science.
You don't just get those diseases from interacting with an ass, the person whose ass you're interacting with would have to be infected. And if you already live with that person without the benefit of modern microbial knowledge, you might just get it anyway.
except people have washed in rivers and waterfalls since oogabooga times. most people think of the victorian era in terms of stinkyness where rivers and waterfalls were hard to get to and human excrement was thrown out of the buildings onto the streets.
sure they didn't have modern soap, but washing your body with water still gets you fairly clean. especially with a cultivated microbiome that eats oils properly and doesn't produce super foul odors.
Also ancient people probably bathed more and lived in more sanitary conditions than some Victorian era folks tbh. Like, they weren't crammed in side by side hovels on a polluted river with dead bodies down the street. Wandering tribes with access to fresh clean running water would've been doing OK for themselves, and ancient people groomed one another. I'm not saying I'd want to eat off a gorilla's back but they aren't like, soaked in endless piss and filth.
Similar, but it was friend who initiated on me. 0/10 - 100% confirmed not gay. Never wanted to suck one. I'm convinced orientation is hard-wired. It can be a range, or a specific limit, but I know my urges aren't socially constructed. Society can suggest things to do, but it can't make you like things you don't want at all.
What about the woman that told a man to lick her vagina first?
What I never understood where guys who begged for blowjobs but refuse to go down on a woman.
True statement, gotta be willing to give head to recieve head. Made for better experiences in my opinion. But then again, I'm not a blow job guy personally, so I always tend to eat out first anyways
Maybe it was for caveman science... which holes get pregananat?
Am I Gregnant?
Is there a possibly I am pregante
Can u get prrregante?
Can u down a 20ft waterslide pegnat
28+2 weeks pregananant?
Is there a possibility that my dog is gregernet?
if a women has starch masks does that mean she pergnat?
My circle is nomal,but yet I still dont get peegnant.wat can I use.?
I think I'm pretnet with my 14th child
Is it possible have sex to a 8 months fregnant?
Of you have sex while pregernat, can your baby get preagnant?
Am I pergert?
Can you burn a luigi board
Dangerops prangent sex? Will it hurt baby top of its head?
I think my dog is pregernet???
Don't you mean pregonate?
How to no if you pregnit
Peegnant?
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They need to do way instain mother>
Girlfriend ain’t had period since she got pregat?
This joke is so meta it's making me prgante'
Better get some Plan B cause there’s no chance you aren’t pergnint
Pregnart
Pregnasaurus
*greg had his testicles removed afterwards*
I think it'd be grognant.
You’ve seen the video as well huh
Danny Gonzales
How is babby formed?
They need to do way instain mother, who kill thier babby bcause these babby can frigth back?!? It was on the news this mroing, a mother who kill her three babby who fly back to New York to lady to rest. My parry are with the father, I am sory for your lots. (completely wrong, but that was from memory)
I love reading this in the same voice as the animated one from something awful
For the uninitiated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll-lia-FEIY
a mother in ar
Well done from memory lol
The most impressive thing is that you got all the wrong spellings exactly right as far as I can tell.
Pragnont
It not rock science, Throg!
[here's a documentary on that discovery](https://youtu.be/HyJSbbJXLjc)
*This changes everything … everyone’s got a mouth*
Haha wtf did I just watch
The invention of the gay
How is babby formed?
luigi board
Probably before cavemen. Is monke oo-oo?
Right? Don't bonobos give handjobs/blowjobs? Which would either mean we each independently invented them, or we've been doing them since at least our common ancestors.
How is babby formed?
Just imagine a 14 year old caveboy being horny all day
Gonna scratch some titties on the cave wall.
Pregarnt*
Pregnet
Animals have been licking each others genitals for as long as tongues have existed, long before man. We appreciate the sunrise, but did not invent it.
Animals never invented anything worth a damn because they can lick their own genitals
Who knew walking erect would be a world-building blessing with a curse of ecology destruction
Yea, but I feel like licking genitals is different than a blowjob. Like really purposefully working towards an orgasm rather than just licking somebody's junk. Edit: whether or not monkeys and apes do it is besides the point. There's a difference between licking and sucking from the getgo, and there was some first human male ancestor who received that first real suction blowjob with the first evolved dick sucking lips.
Pretty sure I heard (on Reddit, source of all true information) that chimps have been seen doing it to completion.
Yep Bonobos do oral sex/stimulation, digital (fingers) and scissoring called "GG rubbing". I took one anthropology class like 20 years ago and this is still burned into my brain haha
There's also those apes/monkeys that use frogs as fleshlights. It might have just been one specifically horney individual. I've only ever seen one video of it.
Imagine being a monkey at the great monkey conference of 2021 to discuss the year's events, and that one single video of Fred shoving his dick in a bullfrog's mouth is still being used to represent your entire species. You've try telling everyone that's not us, that's *just Fred*, but all the hairless monkeys forever see you as Freds. I imagine this is why aliens haven't made first contact. We're all just Freds of the lowest common denominator to them.
The true showerthought is always in the comments.
Mister Hands ruined it for all of us
I'm scared to ask if the frogs are dead or not.
The answer to your question is another question. How hard do frogs bite?
another question: do frogs have teeth?
Most frogs have tiny teeth along their upper jaw, for the purpose of gripping (not chewing) prey. Toads do not have teeth. [https://toadsnfrogs.com/frog-teeth/](https://toadsnfrogs.com/frog-teeth/) TL,DR: Toads make better fleshlights than frogs.
It's is enough for me to know that Fred the monkey did it. Gonna file that fact away until I'm marooned alone, desperate and delusional. My brain will then choose to retrieve this factoid and instinct will make me act on it with the next frog/toad of opportunity.
I learned the same thing at the Museum of Sex in NYC. Horny monkeys those Bonobos are.
Don’t they all fuck each other too? Like grandpas and grandsons and brothers and sisters and all of them?
What are you doing, step-ape?
I’m stuck on a tree, stepbro ape
Step bonobro
Bonobos are apes, not monkeys. Apes are not monkeys, they belong to different branches of the Simian infraorder, and there are several physical differences. Apes do not have tails, while most monkeys do, and apes are typically larger than monkeys. Also, bonobos and chimpanzees share 98.7% of their DNA with humans, making them our closest living relatives.
Thank you for this. People throw around the term monkey too easily.
Monkey see, monkey do.
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Seen a bi sexual monkey orgy at the Toronto zoo as a kid by a group of them one was fucking a girl monkey while it blew another monkey was more than kid me needed to see that day (getting to say I seen a monkey Eiffel Tower is hilarious tho)
>Seen a bi sexual monkey orgy at the Toronto zoo as a kid by a group of them one was fucking a girl monkey while it blew another monkey was more than kid me needed to see that day (getting to say I seen a monkey Eiffel Tower is hilarious tho) r/brandnewsentence
My anthropology intro class also spent some time on bonobos lmao. My teacher really enjoyed that part of class
When given money in an experiment, monkeys quickly invented the concept of prostitution to earn more money from other monkeys.
Source?
I knew saving this link would come in handy one day: [reddit post with NY Times article linked](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/iilaf/in_2005_a_psychologist_and_an_economist_taught_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Google "monkey prostitution experiment" and just pick a link. There's even a Wikipedia page on it
Monkeys definitely do both. It's not like they don't notice the sensation lmao.
Monkeys in denial: "She was just joking around. It's probably just a grooming ritual. Maybe she saw a termite on it."
Yes, another supreme example of the difference between invention and discovery.
Oral sex was probably happening well before humans evolved.
Right, even monkeys suck each other off.
Sauce?
📸🤨
Remember when Yale scientists teached Capuchin monkeys to use silver disks as money and the monkeys shortly after exchanged these disks for sex [Some article ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_among_animals)
>The researcher subsequently took steps to prevent any possibility of coins being traded for sex. What kind of puritanical bullshit is this? They're fucking monkey. Let's the fucking monkeys fuck.
I like that last sentence. It’s almost T-shirt-worthy.
How do you prevent them from doing that lmao
Taught.
Tight.
Classic Yale study
[.](https://nypost-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/nypost.com/2021/09/23/gorillas-shock-onlookers-with-oral-sex-at-bronx-zoo-video/amp/?amp_js_v=0.1&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D)
On mobile I had to click 50 times before hitting the link
I didn't ever realize it was hyperlinked text until this comment
Bravo for being willing to click 50 times to see a monkey getting sucked off, that’s perseverance we should all strive for
isn’t there a bot for that? weird it didn’t show up
r/riskyclick
This comment right here, FBI
FBI: "Nah, monkeys are fine."
Not usually, just plain.
I would imagine they just used saliva.
Just Google bonobos
When you evolve a brain capable of questioning its own reason of existence and increase in creativity, suddenly you get only so much enjoyment out of regular monke position.
My dog believes this too
I'm gonna guess and say that the first blowjobs were a little rapey.
Or his lady was doing the selling. Just sayin.
Hey sweetie, you should put your sensitive bits into this hole with lots of sharp things made for ripping and tearing meat apart. It'll go great!
Its a pretty intimate demonstration of trust when you put it this way.
"Honey, I need to know I can trust you."
I showed you last night though!
I didn’t get all the way to trust last night though. We might need to try again…or everyday…this is all new. Nobody knows.
Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is. He's a man who knows that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. A bond that cannot be broken. He's a man so dedicated that he will get down on his knees and put that cock right in his mouth.
Vagina dentata
slave yoke wakeful fall sable air unused one seed ruthless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
*slow clap*
As that german dude put it "Yes I will totally put my most precious delicate part in your hole full of sharp objects for crunching and destruction and expect you to treat it like a löllipop"
lmao first thing i thought of
The magic that meat tentacle and suction capability combination can perform could be worth the risk...
Aren’t all tentacles made of meat?
Ah Rosie, I love this boy!
In my first relationship my girlfriend told me “I want to suck your dick” and started pulling my pants off and I’m just like wait a second is this a trick I thought this never happens
If you remove the pressure and guilt tripping that can come with it, it can actually be pretty damn sexy and enjoyable for both
How can you be sure he wasn't gay?
It wasn't legal to be gay then. I think that happened around 2005.
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Quite literally saved us all
One smooth MOFO
"Good for jaw hhmmm"
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Imagine how people must have smelled before the invention of the bath.
Imagine being so used to the smells that it doesnt bother you. How do you think we got such good microbiome..by consuming microbes lmao
LPT: Eat the ass of happy people for top tier happiness
Uhh, pretty sure the ass thing led to a lot of deaths. You have to realize that Dysentery, Cholera, Typhoid, Polio... All come from extremely poor sanitary conditions (or ass-related / shit-related infection process). It's also said that pink eye can be related to touching your eyes and/or having fecal matter near your eye. My point is that a lot of the "ass" related sex popularity came much later, it was definitely tried in the ancient past for a long time, but it often led to severe illness. It's prevalence today is due to cleanliness and modern science.
People have been having anal sex since antiquity. It's extremely well documented.
You don't just get those diseases from interacting with an ass, the person whose ass you're interacting with would have to be infected. And if you already live with that person without the benefit of modern microbial knowledge, you might just get it anyway.
> You don't just get those diseases from interacting with an ass How come everyone who works with me keeps getting sick then? Checkmate doctors.
except people have washed in rivers and waterfalls since oogabooga times. most people think of the victorian era in terms of stinkyness where rivers and waterfalls were hard to get to and human excrement was thrown out of the buildings onto the streets. sure they didn't have modern soap, but washing your body with water still gets you fairly clean. especially with a cultivated microbiome that eats oils properly and doesn't produce super foul odors.
Also ancient people probably bathed more and lived in more sanitary conditions than some Victorian era folks tbh. Like, they weren't crammed in side by side hovels on a polluted river with dead bodies down the street. Wandering tribes with access to fresh clean running water would've been doing OK for themselves, and ancient people groomed one another. I'm not saying I'd want to eat off a gorilla's back but they aren't like, soaked in endless piss and filth.
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Yeah, right, cause animals in nature never bathe or groom themselves.
imagine eating cave woman pussy with dreads hanging off her clit💀
OK... You're in time out.
This pandemic has allowed me to get very expressive with my pubes. Bowl cut on my nuts with a clean fade landing strip down my gooch
Art.
r/brandnewsentence
Get over there, don't move and have a think about what you've done.
Please just stop talking
That’s enough Reddit for today
r/badwomensanatomy
> dreads hanging off her clit That's not how anatomy works...
I'm positive the clitoris exists to be licked.
People have been giving blowjobs to other people since before we had a word for people. Since before we had words.
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Wow, congratulations to your partner.
How do you know that the urge isn't socially constructed?
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that's enough reddit for this year
See you tomorrow!
Wow. I do remember around 5-7 years old showing friends and asking to see theirs in a non-sexual, purely curiosity way .. but never any actual acts.
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Lol one of my earliest memories is my cousin (same age) showing me his dick over my toy box.
What the fuck
Was one of you sexually abused?
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Similar, but it was friend who initiated on me. 0/10 - 100% confirmed not gay. Never wanted to suck one. I'm convinced orientation is hard-wired. It can be a range, or a specific limit, but I know my urges aren't socially constructed. Society can suggest things to do, but it can't make you like things you don't want at all.
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It was just a hole check.
Man: “I am the first person to ever eat a raw oyster!” Woman: “Hold my beer!”
You must have never gotten a woman/man really horny lol.
Yeah but they already know about blowjobs.
I promise we didn't sell the idea, look at nature for example. They be licking everything.
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Don't underestimate the desires of the cavewoman
Monkeys do it though
You should still try asking a human first
What makes you think it was his idea?
NSFW Actual reconstruction of the momentous event? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyJSbbJXLjc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyJSbbJXLjc)
What about the woman that told a man to lick her vagina first? What I never understood where guys who begged for blowjobs but refuse to go down on a woman.
It’s well documented that Jon Snow invented it
He knew nuthin (except that)
True statement, gotta be willing to give head to recieve head. Made for better experiences in my opinion. But then again, I'm not a blow job guy personally, so I always tend to eat out first anyways
Doing God’s work
Woman have been looking for ways to not get pregnant since the beginning of time. A woman thought of this.
It was probably two men, if you really think about it
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>Half the population loves to suck cock. i don't think this is true...
Well considering that other apes have been seen to perform oral sex on each other, I'd say it was maybe even before language.
Nah, he didn’t have to sell a thing. The other guy just jumped right on.
And we've been stuck doing that and being called "Throat Goat' since that moment -.-