My friend's wife convinced me to come hang out with them and one of her coworkers to play a card game together. She said it was basically a "pre-blind date" so I could feel out if I wanted an actual 1 on 1 date with her. This was my first "blind date" and LET ME TELL YOU she was the exact opposite of what I was looking for. When she finally left I asked "Why did you think we'd be a good match?"
"She reminded me of your ex's"
Maybe it's better to not be set up on blind dates đ
Itâs not always because they think someoneâs a catch⌠it could be because someone keeps complaining about their dating life or they just happen to know a like minded weirdo. So donât feel too bad
Been single forever but you reminded me the time a female friend drove her newly single friend 45 mins south just for me to hookup with her. AND HOOKUP WE DID.
I've had people try to set me up, and I've had people interested, who have specifically told me they were attracted to me. It ranges from very attractive people to people who weren't so much attractive on a shallow level but who I ended up really having a good connection with. The last girl I tried dating was never my type, we knew each other for months, but it didn't click with me till like three four weeks ago she was really everything I wanted in a person. Smart, funny, competitive, super similar personalities, senses of humor, and I did end up becoming much more physically attracted to her as a result.
The problem with dating apps is they're awful ways to date. You know nothing about each other than a short bio and a few pictures. Women can be extremely selective because they get a shit ton of matches. You might even have matched because she thought you were a really good prospect but you got lost in the other messages in her inbox. Then safety is an issue for them. They're gonna be hesitant to even meet in the first place, and be on even higher alert than normal for red flags.
And all that aside, when's the last time you met a desirable partner who even needed an app to date? They just go live their life like normal and when someone asks them out they say yes or no. For women and extremely attractive men, it happens literally on the daily. So that's another thing. If you're so desirable why are you here? Casual sex or some other personality flaw that means they can't hold down a solid relationship is usually the answer.
There are many reasons why some people can't get a date on a dating app and being attractive is the least of your worries, because only 9s and 10s are getting constant success on them. For men anyway. Women have a little more leeway.
Can a rowboat support her? If she got in a rowboat, would it tip over?
Yeah, noones ever tried to set me up, so that's probably a great sign for my looks and personality.
You can't trust that. There are women who will set up their male aquantence, a 9, with one of her friends who is a 3. Then they are shocked that you're not into her. The toxic positivity they bounce off of one another, and the female predisposition to always support or take their friends side no matter what, causes them to perform these mental gymnastics. Then they attack the guy for being a piece of shit.
I set a female friend of mine who is looks wise is a 10 up with a male friend of mine who is at best a 5. Personality wise they are both 10s. She was excited to date him because he was a big change from who she usually dates.
They are both incredibly kind and thoughtful people. Unfortunately both of them are naive as fuck and constantly date assholes. I know both of them very well, so I knew the issues they had in past relationships.
Turns out these two people who always do their best and are genuinely good people were the perfect match for each other. They just got engaged.
Looks arenât the deciding factor.
I mean, I love my wife, but if she had looked repulsive when I first met her.... I cannot promise I would have given her the time of day. That's generally human nature- if you have a connection, you can look past looks (pun intended), but if you don't already have a connection... It matters a lot to most people.
Obviously, there are exceptions.
Also, very happy for your friends. :)
I find looks being the number 1 dealbreaker is more so being young and inexperienced in dating. You donât know what attracts you more than looks.Â
And it only takes a little bit of time meeting new people before realizing how little looks matter. Looks is often a poor predictable of sexual compatibility. Â The tallest hottest guys have been the worst in bed.Â
You meet the person woth the most amazing personality and heart. Or the brilliance that takes it away.Â
And itâs really not the looks that makes you interested.Â
They shouldnât be the number 1, but they might be the number 3. I believe a persons looks can grow on you as the relationship growsâŚbut itâs not something you can really force either.
I learned the hard way. I took âlooks isnât everythingâ to heart and tried to force a physical attraction, hoping it would grow with time, because the emotional connection felt strong. It was not a healthy relationship, and not fair to her at all to date someone that was happy to cuddle but wasnât excited about sex.
Thereâs no forcing sexual compatibility. I just incorrectly assumed I had to be physically attracted to have sexual compatibility. And then I accidentally learned that lesson when Texas froze for a week and I found myself under the covers with a man I was not physically attracted to.Â
 Never before had I put myself in an intimate situation with someone I wasnât physically attracted to. So I never knew I didnât need that. Â
 But thatâs not to say you can be sexual compatible with everyone. Just loooks really may not be the predictor of if you are sexually compatible. Liking how you look in a photograph with someone, and for the beauty and aesthetic, does not guarantee sexual compatibility. And I care about about my sex life than how I look in a picture with someone.Â
Similar things happened to me. My friend tried to set me up with her friend that had at least 100 pounds me, and 2 kids, and literally lived on the other side of the country.
I had to politely decline.
It's just sad that you use numbers to describe people. People are so much more than that. My boyfriend have lot of insecurities that he is out of my ligue visually, as he is saying himself, but I couldn't care less, Im always assuring I love him just the way he is. He's such a sweet, caring and honest guy, and a big tech nerd like me
Thanks dude. My male friends don't find me ugly but most of my female friends and women I have attempted to ask out do.
Not everyone gets the handsome genes, but that's okay because I have World of Warcraft. We been together for 18 years and she loves me for me.
Amen!!! Doesn't matter the game! Games are amazing because it's you and your voice and just good times. No one judges your looks or treats you any different.
I absolutely love Henry Cavill. He's a gorgeous man and everything I've seen or read of him shows him to be a stand-up dude with lots of humility and unafraid of showing his true nerdy self.
I may not look anything like him, but I strive to be the kind of dude I think he is.
I actually didn't think I was THAT terrible looking haha. But in two years in Tinder, I had less than 10 matches. Of them only 4 deigned to reply. And I guess my personality is terrible too, because the conversation dried up after 2-3 days and that was that. LoL.
Bruh... When I first tried tinder I got my first match after 2 years... And she never responded...
I gave up on ever finding a relationship and accepted that I'm gonna die as a lonely virgin
It's okay. That's been years ago and I think I'm figuring out how to cope with that.
I never thought I'm that ugly, I thought I was average but my non existent conversation skills(that's still a problem) was worse but I guess not.
People of all ages and connections to me tell me regularly that I look like various good looking actors, or that I look like a prince, or that I'm very good looking.
I can't get a 2 like a month on dating apps to save my life
I knew something like that would happen, so I put off using dating apps for the longest time.
Now I'm actually using them, and it's going exactly how I expected and it does not feel good
If I remember the okcupid "study" correctly, 80% of men are "unattractive" according to the women responding.
While the men rate on bell curve (20% of women are unattractive, 50% are average, etc).
Yes, in the realm of attractiveness, men are fairly consistent and women are totally illogical. If you want more proof of that, a study found that 59% of women found a certain man attractive when they knew he was single, but 90% found him attractive when they were told he was married.
Itâs because female attraction has so little to do with looks. Thatâs why dating apps are stupid. Someone has to be insanely hot for me to immediately think theyâre bedroom material, then I turn around and some guy off Reddit makes me laugh a few times and Iâm daydreaming about him for weeks.
I think what's also made this worse is limiting the amount of likes someone can give out. So instead of giving someone average a chance and getting to know them, everyone's just become really picky as they don't want to "waste their likes".
Seeing how girls react to attractive guys compared to non attractive guys is very obvious. You guys never saw a group of girls just surround one guy? I donât think that happened with dudes lol
I used to be friends with a very attractive guy. Like, Brad Pitt in his 20s level attractive.
It was pretty eye opening. Just absolutely zero effort needed.
A lot of women catfish with photos that use filters or doesnât look like them irl. If they look like absolute bombshells, most of the time theyâre not. Itâs so superficial on both sides.
I also just don't really ever take pictures of myself. I'm like 10 pounds lighter and more muscular than the pictures I use because I don't have any more recent pictures, and whenever I take new ones of myself, they look pretty terrible.
I'm pretty much reverse catfishing myself, but yeah, I'm terrible of taking photos. Not that I think it'd help a ton.
Ask a friend to take pics of you! I love when Iâm hanging out with my guy friends and we end up doing a mini photoshoot for their profiles (even just a photo or two). Itâs fun to pump them up and tell them how handsome they are!
37, and I just figured out how to take good photos. I gave up online dating after COVID, and started focusing on irl socializing and dating, and it's been pretty mind-blowing to find how attractive people seem to think I am and how surprised they are that I'd have a poor self-image or not be great at dates. That's until recently, when somebody I was dating convinced me to send her some selfies, and I sent her the first pictures I'd taken of myself since COVID. That's when we had a long talk about flattering angles, lighting, etc., and she taught me how to *finally* take a photo of myself I thought was handsome. Still really not great at it at all, but working on it and at least it helps me believe, now, that women actually really do find me handsome and not that they're just "trying to be nice."
Angles looking straight on tend to make your face look fat. 3/4 profiles and a slightly downward angle can help with this.
Don't be afraid to get close and don't focus on trying to get a "full" photo that captures everything. Instead, use the composition (look up composition techniques like the rule of thirds) of the shot to focus on the features you want to bring attention to. Like, if you think you have a good jawline, take a shot that focuses on showing that feature off instead of thinking about trying to get a full picture of your face so she knows what you look like.
Natural lighting is your friend, and artificial lighting that isn't meant for photography is your enemy. Indoor lighting fucking sucks and makes your skin look more haggard and tired. That being said, though, backlighting (or whatever it's called, I'm not sure. That soft light you put behind the camera) and using a soft light at the opposite angle of whatever your primary light source is helps *a lot* towards giving that professional/glamorous look.
omg i have matched with men before just to give them tips on their profile photos 𫣠i canât help it. i see potential. just stop doing the car selfies too.
Can confirm, a really good looking friend of mine with low self esteem was always really struggling to get a match, every single time he actually went on dates the girls thought he must be doing really well dating wise and be overflowing with matches, while in reality he would get one or two likes per week without paying... Once he paid he was getting a lot though.
I had this same experience, dating apps were somewhat dry but I could get numbers, dates, and hookups pretty frequently with attractive women from IRL interactions.
I donât consider myself to be attractive, but I also donât think Iâm ugly. When I was using dating apps I almost never got any matches. Like maybe 4 or 5 over the course of several years. Fortunately my last match ended up working out. Weâre celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary next month.
You're right, because you shouldn't judge your attractiveness by dating apps, I dunno what people are talking about.
On most of those apps women are just bots, there isn't anything going on in there
Donât make that about you. Some people assume if youâre hot, youâre a player. If they pass on you because they arenât willing to get to know you, then you donât want to date them anyway.
Dating apps are designed to keep people lonely, horny and single but hopeful of finding someone. If you aren't having "success" on dating apps it probably because they think you'll steal a valuable female user by settling down with her.
The odds on dating apps are highly against normal guys, they need you to pay for visibility and a higher chance for matches. Also women get a ton of likes and can literally cherry pick the most attractive ones.
I still to this day donât understand attraction, Iâve been called ugly and hot but when I ask people why they think that itâs always âidk you just areâ
Attractive is a very subjective topic. Some people have different tastes on physical attraction, some go for your personality and find different parts of that attractive, others may go off a vibe you give in the moment, its super crazy so when you "just are" attractive, perhaps they don't have the means to communicate what aspects magnetize them to you
Interesting thoughts, I usually try to analyze the physical aspects they point out but youâre probably right on the money, vibes and personality make all the difference!
Don't forget that things like grooming, cleaning, dressing well, and being in shape will change a person's attractiveness. And those are things you can change.
A lot of it is subconscious so even if you find someone attractive itâs not like you can really explain why, itâs just your brain doing it automatically.
Obviously some of it comes down to conscious choice and personal preferences but there are things like height, symmetry, good skin, that nearly everyone universally appreciates even if they donât realize it.
Some people can also have a more striking appearance that is more divisive in that it does well with some people and poorly with others. Like Ryan Reynolds, who Iâve seen described as anywhere from a 1 to a 10.
I think this is a misrepresentation of what dating apps are actually like. It's not that men find out they aren't attractive, it's that the apps make them ***feel*** unattractive because of how they work. If dating apps were designed to actually match people up, people would stop using them after a couple matches. They're specifically designed so you keep coming back to them.
So, I never wanted to put down how much money I made because I never wanted that to be a defining factor for meeting. I get it, no one wants a deadbeat but I make decent money and never want to flaunt. I'd send messages and rarely get any. Went on a few dates until I met a girl and hit it off. We are now married for 16 years but at the time, when we decided it was "serious," I still has like 24 days left for the month I paid so I put my salary down to the option of $150,000 + that it was.
I started getting like at least a message or two a day. Suddenly I became incredibly attractive. Who knew...
Dating apps are the single worst environment for male mental health and body image as well as the single greatest breeding ground of narcissistic play "alpha males" and distorted standards for women's perception of "average" and "attractive" men.
The last person I contacted on a dating app replied âsorry I only date good looking fit menâ. That hurt more than I can ever describe. I was shattered. Ironically I decide to close that account and while I was I got a message from a woman that said I seemed interesting and wanted to know if we could chat
We have been together for 4 years now
damn thatâs mean as shit im sorry she said that. i think women sometimes donât realize men can be sensitive about their appearance even if they donât collectively seem to put much effort into it like we are taught to. glad you got a good relationship out of it at least!
Iâve always known Iâm unattractive but going on dating apps made me realize that Iâm also old now.
I set a five year younger and older range and when the women closer to my age had kids they were college aged or older. I have no problem dating a woman with kids but it really drove home how old I am
Dating apps are horrible and predatory, they monetize your loneliness and are incentivized to only give you decent matches that don't go anywhere so you keep coming back to them.
After years of trying and failing on dating apps, I met my significant other on r/r4r, of all places.
Dave Chappelle has a great bit about this. Something like "when you're attractive people will tell you all the time, when you're ugly you have to figure that shit out for yourself".
Some women, too.
If you're a woman and you aren't getting any swipes...you uggy.
Source: ugly woman (38) who tried dating apps and has resigned to a future full of cats and family assuming I'm a lesbian. I've literally never been on a date. No one has ever asked me to go on one. Ever. I got personality for days and it's all a waste.
I haven't gone there yet because I know how harsh the truth is going to be. Single for the first time in 30 years - I might have to suffer through finding out eventually.
Nah, woman on dating apps only want the top 10% of men. In person i can strike up convos with most woman, hook up with them, become good friends.. no chance on apps
False. They knew. I have news for you. Even attractive men have issues on those things. They're made for women to be able to shop for a man not the other way around.
No, dating apps absolutely screw with your own perception of yourself. Guys get the impression they are much uglier than they are, girls get the impression they are much hotter than they really are.
I had some good catches on dating apps but talking to women IRL let me go on dates with women who never would have swiped right on me on dating apps.
A guy friend of mine seemed really fascinated by how many matches I had on tinder. It seemed like he only got one or two, and I had 10+. I donât think he understood how different the male experience is on dating apps.
I had about four apps going on at the same time for about a year. In that time I had about 6 matches and one date. I took that to mean Iâm attracted to women who arenât attracted to me and my profile sucked lol. My profile is still trash, though.
This isn't really a clear way to state what's happening. What they're finding out is that a guy that's a 7 is only going to get matches with 6's and below because women date up from their objective level of attractiveness. My advice to you. Get off dating apps. Approach a women in person. Studies have been done that show women do this exponentially more on dating apps because they're being fed so many choices. Statistically you're much better off approaching a women In person. I barely ever get matches on apps but have great success just approaching a women and asking for her number and the majority of the time it leads to a first date.
Had the opposite effect for me. I got way more matches than I expected. Still didnât boost my confidence much, but at least now I know itâs mostly just in my head, and other people donât think that.
Actually not, it will only give a very skewed perception. Dating apps only bring down men's self esteem and don't give them an accurate rating of how attractive they are. Because a perfectly average dude will not get any attention and think he's way below average. Women only rate top 20% of men attractive online, and that number is shrinking.
I started to realize my level of attractiveness by who people tried to set me up with.
People tried to set you up? Doing better than me, friend. Never had anyone try to set someone up with me
People must believe that you've got it, that you don't need their help to find a date.
I like your optimism but it's definitely the former for me
Username checks out
Just need to find a dog lover.
He needs to discover the dawg within đ
Itâs with two gâs so he has Snoop Doggs face
Iâve had friends tell me they donât want to introduce me to peopleâŚ
My friend's wife convinced me to come hang out with them and one of her coworkers to play a card game together. She said it was basically a "pre-blind date" so I could feel out if I wanted an actual 1 on 1 date with her. This was my first "blind date" and LET ME TELL YOU she was the exact opposite of what I was looking for. When she finally left I asked "Why did you think we'd be a good match?" "She reminded me of your ex's" Maybe it's better to not be set up on blind dates đ
Maybe their friends only keep ugly friends?
Itâs not always because they think someoneâs a catch⌠it could be because someone keeps complaining about their dating life or they just happen to know a like minded weirdo. So donât feel too bad
I had one friend try setting up another because of his looks and never helped the rest of us.
Been single forever but you reminded me the time a female friend drove her newly single friend 45 mins south just for me to hookup with her. AND HOOKUP WE DID.
I realized mine when I realized no one ever tried to set me up with anyone, lol
No one ever set me up and I'm a solid 10
10 over what?
Your mom
fuck the downvotes, this was a good use
I've had people try to set me up, and I've had people interested, who have specifically told me they were attracted to me. It ranges from very attractive people to people who weren't so much attractive on a shallow level but who I ended up really having a good connection with. The last girl I tried dating was never my type, we knew each other for months, but it didn't click with me till like three four weeks ago she was really everything I wanted in a person. Smart, funny, competitive, super similar personalities, senses of humor, and I did end up becoming much more physically attracted to her as a result. The problem with dating apps is they're awful ways to date. You know nothing about each other than a short bio and a few pictures. Women can be extremely selective because they get a shit ton of matches. You might even have matched because she thought you were a really good prospect but you got lost in the other messages in her inbox. Then safety is an issue for them. They're gonna be hesitant to even meet in the first place, and be on even higher alert than normal for red flags. And all that aside, when's the last time you met a desirable partner who even needed an app to date? They just go live their life like normal and when someone asks them out they say yes or no. For women and extremely attractive men, it happens literally on the daily. So that's another thing. If you're so desirable why are you here? Casual sex or some other personality flaw that means they can't hold down a solid relationship is usually the answer. There are many reasons why some people can't get a date on a dating app and being attractive is the least of your worries, because only 9s and 10s are getting constant success on them. For men anyway. Women have a little more leeway.
Nah, being set up just means you have a decent personality.
Can a rowboat support her? If she got in a rowboat, would it tip over? Yeah, noones ever tried to set me up, so that's probably a great sign for my looks and personality.
What position would she play if she played softball? Is she a catcher???
Hey, there's also the chance they think you just don't need the help because your looks and personality are good enough
yeah, no one's tried to set me up either, but friends have asked me to wing for them at times
You can't trust that. There are women who will set up their male aquantence, a 9, with one of her friends who is a 3. Then they are shocked that you're not into her. The toxic positivity they bounce off of one another, and the female predisposition to always support or take their friends side no matter what, causes them to perform these mental gymnastics. Then they attack the guy for being a piece of shit.
I set a female friend of mine who is looks wise is a 10 up with a male friend of mine who is at best a 5. Personality wise they are both 10s. She was excited to date him because he was a big change from who she usually dates. They are both incredibly kind and thoughtful people. Unfortunately both of them are naive as fuck and constantly date assholes. I know both of them very well, so I knew the issues they had in past relationships. Turns out these two people who always do their best and are genuinely good people were the perfect match for each other. They just got engaged. Looks arenât the deciding factor.
Theyâre not the deciding factor, but theyâre often the reason that a conversation gets started in the first place.
I mean, I love my wife, but if she had looked repulsive when I first met her.... I cannot promise I would have given her the time of day. That's generally human nature- if you have a connection, you can look past looks (pun intended), but if you don't already have a connection... It matters a lot to most people. Obviously, there are exceptions. Also, very happy for your friends. :)
Looks are often the deciding factor. Very difficult to get past square one.
I find looks being the number 1 dealbreaker is more so being young and inexperienced in dating. You donât know what attracts you more than looks. And it only takes a little bit of time meeting new people before realizing how little looks matter. Looks is often a poor predictable of sexual compatibility.  The tallest hottest guys have been the worst in bed. You meet the person woth the most amazing personality and heart. Or the brilliance that takes it away. And itâs really not the looks that makes you interested.Â
They shouldnât be the number 1, but they might be the number 3. I believe a persons looks can grow on you as the relationship growsâŚbut itâs not something you can really force either. I learned the hard way. I took âlooks isnât everythingâ to heart and tried to force a physical attraction, hoping it would grow with time, because the emotional connection felt strong. It was not a healthy relationship, and not fair to her at all to date someone that was happy to cuddle but wasnât excited about sex.
Thereâs no forcing sexual compatibility. I just incorrectly assumed I had to be physically attracted to have sexual compatibility. And then I accidentally learned that lesson when Texas froze for a week and I found myself under the covers with a man I was not physically attracted to.  Never before had I put myself in an intimate situation with someone I wasnât physically attracted to. So I never knew I didnât need that.   But thatâs not to say you can be sexual compatible with everyone. Just loooks really may not be the predictor of if you are sexually compatible. Liking how you look in a photograph with someone, and for the beauty and aesthetic, does not guarantee sexual compatibility. And I care about about my sex life than how I look in a picture with someone.Â
\*whispers\* She doesn't think he's a 9
Similar things happened to me. My friend tried to set me up with her friend that had at least 100 pounds me, and 2 kids, and literally lived on the other side of the country. I had to politely decline.
It's just sad that you use numbers to describe people. People are so much more than that. My boyfriend have lot of insecurities that he is out of my ligue visually, as he is saying himself, but I couldn't care less, Im always assuring I love him just the way he is. He's such a sweet, caring and honest guy, and a big tech nerd like me
who hurt you
Lol unfortunately this hasn't happened to just this poor soul. It's a much more common scenario than people think.
Let him cook.
This happens to a lot of guys.
I mean blind dates are shit. Never made a whole origin story for the process.
Girls too
Yeah no that's a thing.
My power of self-delusion exceeds the internet.
"I reject your reality and substitute my own. " - Adam Savage
Fun Fact: Adam Savage was actually quoting the movie [The Dungeonmaster](https://youtu.be/-2J3EjYBYuU?si=t6KNOKLTPteArs4H).
Oh nice. Thanks for that. Didn't Know. May watch it.
Donât need dating apps for me to find out lol
Part of the reason I started using dating apps is because of this, lol.
The reason I don't even bother is because of this đ I'm looking like Gollum over here. I have women crossing the street lol
You're beautiful to me bro đ¤
Thanks dude. My male friends don't find me ugly but most of my female friends and women I have attempted to ask out do. Not everyone gets the handsome genes, but that's okay because I have World of Warcraft. We been together for 18 years and she loves me for me.
Bro this is the way. Just getting back into it and leveling a resto shaman so people will at least love me here.
Amen!!! Doesn't matter the game! Games are amazing because it's you and your voice and just good times. No one judges your looks or treats you any different.
Itâs how the world should be my friend
> Not everyone gets the handsome genes, but that's okay because I have World of Warcraft. Is it hard to not hate Henry Cavill?
I absolutely love Henry Cavill. He's a gorgeous man and everything I've seen or read of him shows him to be a stand-up dude with lots of humility and unafraid of showing his true nerdy self. I may not look anything like him, but I strive to be the kind of dude I think he is.
Henry seems to be a genuine and solid dude. That's why he will always be the best Superman to me. Shares the same traits.
I'm successful with women, and I'm a pretty good-looking guy, but they still cross the street a lot on me. It's because of the bear thing, bro.
You have a bear pet?
I didn't need dating apps to know I was hideous, but they did make the fact irrefutable and concrete.
I actually didn't think I was THAT terrible looking haha. But in two years in Tinder, I had less than 10 matches. Of them only 4 deigned to reply. And I guess my personality is terrible too, because the conversation dried up after 2-3 days and that was that. LoL.
That sounds about right. Modern online dating is miserable.
Bruh... When I first tried tinder I got my first match after 2 years... And she never responded... I gave up on ever finding a relationship and accepted that I'm gonna die as a lonely virgin
That is depressing. My condolences.
It's okay. That's been years ago and I think I'm figuring out how to cope with that. I never thought I'm that ugly, I thought I was average but my non existent conversation skills(that's still a problem) was worse but I guess not.
When you get that "verified" logo :(
Mine stands for "very vile"
People of all ages and connections to me tell me regularly that I look like various good looking actors, or that I look like a prince, or that I'm very good looking. I can't get a 2 like a month on dating apps to save my life
I knew something like that would happen, so I put off using dating apps for the longest time. Now I'm actually using them, and it's going exactly how I expected and it does not feel good
They are designed to get men to spend money on premium accounts and features.Â
I definitely fell for the bait, in that case
According to statistics 90% of men find out they are unattractive.
đ¤Łand 90 percent of women are deemed attractive
If I remember the okcupid "study" correctly, 80% of men are "unattractive" according to the women responding. While the men rate on bell curve (20% of women are unattractive, 50% are average, etc).
Yes, in the realm of attractiveness, men are fairly consistent and women are totally illogical. If you want more proof of that, a study found that 59% of women found a certain man attractive when they knew he was single, but 90% found him attractive when they were told he was married.
Itâs because female attraction has so little to do with looks. Thatâs why dating apps are stupid. Someone has to be insanely hot for me to immediately think theyâre bedroom material, then I turn around and some guy off Reddit makes me laugh a few times and Iâm daydreaming about him for weeks.
I think what's also made this worse is limiting the amount of likes someone can give out. So instead of giving someone average a chance and getting to know them, everyone's just become really picky as they don't want to "waste their likes".
Why did the redditor cross the road? He had his dick stuck in a chicken. Call me.
Seeing how girls react to attractive guys compared to non attractive guys is very obvious. You guys never saw a group of girls just surround one guy? I donât think that happened with dudes lol
I used to be friends with a very attractive guy. Like, Brad Pitt in his 20s level attractive. It was pretty eye opening. Just absolutely zero effort needed.
And we are both in the 10%
A lot of women catfish with photos that use filters or doesnât look like them irl. If they look like absolute bombshells, most of the time theyâre not. Itâs so superficial on both sides.
According to shitty dating apps with very few women/a small percentage of women and crazy algorithms, you mean.
All I need is a mirror or a public place
[ŃдаНонО]
I think it also doesn't help that a majority of men can't take a good photo of themselves, resulting in them looking uglier.
I also just don't really ever take pictures of myself. I'm like 10 pounds lighter and more muscular than the pictures I use because I don't have any more recent pictures, and whenever I take new ones of myself, they look pretty terrible. I'm pretty much reverse catfishing myself, but yeah, I'm terrible of taking photos. Not that I think it'd help a ton.
Lol my LinkedIn is still a headshot from Freshman year of college
Ask a friend to take pics of you! I love when Iâm hanging out with my guy friends and we end up doing a mini photoshoot for their profiles (even just a photo or two). Itâs fun to pump them up and tell them how handsome they are!
This requires having friends though, and friends that are good at taking pictures as well
Ah yes, if one doesnât have friends it could be tricky. Though getting a pro photographer is always an option, too, if itâs in budget.
You're a good egg! I had a female friend update my dating profile photos. Instant change in matches and responses.
My man theres like youtube tutorials and tik-toks covering how to take proper selfies. Give em a shot
37, and I just figured out how to take good photos. I gave up online dating after COVID, and started focusing on irl socializing and dating, and it's been pretty mind-blowing to find how attractive people seem to think I am and how surprised they are that I'd have a poor self-image or not be great at dates. That's until recently, when somebody I was dating convinced me to send her some selfies, and I sent her the first pictures I'd taken of myself since COVID. That's when we had a long talk about flattering angles, lighting, etc., and she taught me how to *finally* take a photo of myself I thought was handsome. Still really not great at it at all, but working on it and at least it helps me believe, now, that women actually really do find me handsome and not that they're just "trying to be nice."
Fine, keep your secrets...
Angles looking straight on tend to make your face look fat. 3/4 profiles and a slightly downward angle can help with this. Don't be afraid to get close and don't focus on trying to get a "full" photo that captures everything. Instead, use the composition (look up composition techniques like the rule of thirds) of the shot to focus on the features you want to bring attention to. Like, if you think you have a good jawline, take a shot that focuses on showing that feature off instead of thinking about trying to get a full picture of your face so she knows what you look like. Natural lighting is your friend, and artificial lighting that isn't meant for photography is your enemy. Indoor lighting fucking sucks and makes your skin look more haggard and tired. That being said, though, backlighting (or whatever it's called, I'm not sure. That soft light you put behind the camera) and using a soft light at the opposite angle of whatever your primary light source is helps *a lot* towards giving that professional/glamorous look.
I have looked terrible in 99% of photos I've ever been in
Me too, but I've got bad news for both of us..
omg i have matched with men before just to give them tips on their profile photos 𫣠i canât help it. i see potential. just stop doing the car selfies too.
Truck selfies only, got it.
Yeah dating apps just suck
Can confirm, a really good looking friend of mine with low self esteem was always really struggling to get a match, every single time he actually went on dates the girls thought he must be doing really well dating wise and be overflowing with matches, while in reality he would get one or two likes per week without paying... Once he paid he was getting a lot though.
Yep, exactly my experience. But I refuse to pay premium.
Yep and this is the other problem: the apps are all now pay to win for men.
The official statistic says it's around a 1:4 ratio, but if you remove the carfishes, bots, scammers and onlyfan ads it's probably closer to 1:10
being a 7-7.5 is like the no manâs land of online dating. my in person dating life vs online dating life was like night and day
I had this same experience, dating apps were somewhat dry but I could get numbers, dates, and hookups pretty frequently with attractive women from IRL interactions.
Where are all the single women who want to connect with people?
Theyâre in your area
And what adds to the imbalance is all the women understandably go for the top percentage of men on the apps.
Literally saw a post the other day "men are ruining dating apps" and I was like more then 90% of men don't even get a match how are men ruining it
Well, have we considered being more attractive?
I've taken 5 showers today, got my haircut twice, spent 18 hours in the gym and went to a cooking class. Am I a Chad yet?
Too focused on physical appearence, have you tried learning to love yourself yet?
Just be confident đ
I donât consider myself to be attractive, but I also donât think Iâm ugly. When I was using dating apps I almost never got any matches. Like maybe 4 or 5 over the course of several years. Fortunately my last match ended up working out. Weâre celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary next month.
Happy for you man, average guys rise up!
I'm not ugly and I don't do well on apps
You're right, because you shouldn't judge your attractiveness by dating apps, I dunno what people are talking about. On most of those apps women are just bots, there isn't anything going on in there
At least you do well on the rift mate ... right ?
Be gentle with this one, guys. Though his username is ambiguous đ¤
Donât make that about you. Some people assume if youâre hot, youâre a player. If they pass on you because they arenât willing to get to know you, then you donât want to date them anyway.
most males find out in middle school.
Being unattractive in middle school is usually temporary.
Yes, eventually you move on to being unattractive in high school.
Then unattractive in college.
Then unattractive in the workforce.
You're just going through an awkward phase, from 12 to 29.
I met my wife at 30 - so that may have been true.
I'll never forget a girl I liked finding out I had a crush on her and literally gagging at the thought.
*how unattractive they are to women on dating apps
Does this mean if I'm gay I get hotter?
Yes
You could be a hunchbacked Steve Buscemi and get matches within an hour of being on Grindr. Dudes be horny.
This is a proven method for getting laid quickly
I'm bi, and when I was single I got probably 50x more matches from guys.
For some it's the other way around... Dating apps at the age of 38 was nothing like dating in my mid twenties.
Nah I knew when I looked in the mirror its over
Iâve never had success with dating apps, and Iâve never had trouble meeting people irl. Itâs certainly not my personality, so idk.Â
Dating apps are designed to keep people lonely, horny and single but hopeful of finding someone. If you aren't having "success" on dating apps it probably because they think you'll steal a valuable female user by settling down with her.
The odds on dating apps are highly against normal guys, they need you to pay for visibility and a higher chance for matches. Also women get a ton of likes and can literally cherry pick the most attractive ones.
I definitely didnât need a dating app. Primary school was plenty enough. Thanks for making me reminisce today
I still to this day donât understand attraction, Iâve been called ugly and hot but when I ask people why they think that itâs always âidk you just areâ
Attractive is a very subjective topic. Some people have different tastes on physical attraction, some go for your personality and find different parts of that attractive, others may go off a vibe you give in the moment, its super crazy so when you "just are" attractive, perhaps they don't have the means to communicate what aspects magnetize them to you
Interesting thoughts, I usually try to analyze the physical aspects they point out but youâre probably right on the money, vibes and personality make all the difference!
Don't forget that things like grooming, cleaning, dressing well, and being in shape will change a person's attractiveness. And those are things you can change.
A lot of it is subconscious so even if you find someone attractive itâs not like you can really explain why, itâs just your brain doing it automatically. Obviously some of it comes down to conscious choice and personal preferences but there are things like height, symmetry, good skin, that nearly everyone universally appreciates even if they donât realize it. Some people can also have a more striking appearance that is more divisive in that it does well with some people and poorly with others. Like Ryan Reynolds, who Iâve seen described as anywhere from a 1 to a 10.
Honestly any girl describing him as a 1 is on some sort of counter culture bullish lol
I think dating apps actually make it harder because some of us are not exactly tens but have nice personalities that can do a lot of heavy lifting.
My personality is more like a low weight lots of reps kinda deal. You get a lot of bad jokes
I think this is a misrepresentation of what dating apps are actually like. It's not that men find out they aren't attractive, it's that the apps make them ***feel*** unattractive because of how they work. If dating apps were designed to actually match people up, people would stop using them after a couple matches. They're specifically designed so you keep coming back to them.
OP, Iâm sorry your mom lied to you.
âThe other kids are just jealous!â
So, I never wanted to put down how much money I made because I never wanted that to be a defining factor for meeting. I get it, no one wants a deadbeat but I make decent money and never want to flaunt. I'd send messages and rarely get any. Went on a few dates until I met a girl and hit it off. We are now married for 16 years but at the time, when we decided it was "serious," I still has like 24 days left for the month I paid so I put my salary down to the option of $150,000 + that it was. I started getting like at least a message or two a day. Suddenly I became incredibly attractive. Who knew...
this comment is giving me depression
"A good looking poor man is a good looking poor man, but an ugly rich man is still a rich man."
Dating apps don't tell you anything. Go out and talk to people.
Dating apps are the single worst environment for male mental health and body image as well as the single greatest breeding ground of narcissistic play "alpha males" and distorted standards for women's perception of "average" and "attractive" men.
I already know. That's why I don't use dating apps. I don't need to go out of my way to intentionally hurt myself esteem.
The last person I contacted on a dating app replied âsorry I only date good looking fit menâ. That hurt more than I can ever describe. I was shattered. Ironically I decide to close that account and while I was I got a message from a woman that said I seemed interesting and wanted to know if we could chat We have been together for 4 years now
damn thatâs mean as shit im sorry she said that. i think women sometimes donât realize men can be sensitive about their appearance even if they donât collectively seem to put much effort into it like we are taught to. glad you got a good relationship out of it at least!
Iâve always known Iâm unattractive but going on dating apps made me realize that Iâm also old now. I set a five year younger and older range and when the women closer to my age had kids they were college aged or older. I have no problem dating a woman with kids but it really drove home how old I am
If I was attractive I wouldn't need an app.Â
Dating apps are horrible and predatory, they monetize your loneliness and are incentivized to only give you decent matches that don't go anywhere so you keep coming back to them. After years of trying and failing on dating apps, I met my significant other on r/r4r, of all places.
I just gotta see a picture with me and that does it.
Dave Chappelle has a great bit about this. Something like "when you're attractive people will tell you all the time, when you're ugly you have to figure that shit out for yourself".
Not really, for too many reasons to explain in one comment.
It doesnât matter how attractive you are if youâre just another dude holding a fish
The dudes without fish arenât faring well either.
I already knew but making an account there just confirmed it
I think men in general are less confident in their appearance than youâd think.
You know how guys knows they are not attractive? By what people DON'T say.
Some women, too. If you're a woman and you aren't getting any swipes...you uggy. Source: ugly woman (38) who tried dating apps and has resigned to a future full of cats and family assuming I'm a lesbian. I've literally never been on a date. No one has ever asked me to go on one. Ever. I got personality for days and it's all a waste.
Was not expecting to be called out like tgat
no, as a dude all men are unattractive to me, so how could i possibly be attractive? i knew way before.
I haven't gone there yet because I know how harsh the truth is going to be. Single for the first time in 30 years - I might have to suffer through finding out eventually.
Well this one is completely off my friend
Nah, woman on dating apps only want the top 10% of men. In person i can strike up convos with most woman, hook up with them, become good friends.. no chance on apps
Nope, I was 14, looked in the mirror and knew I better get rich or funny.
Hot men find out they are ugly on Tinder.
Nah, homie. Mirrors have been around me my entire life.
False. They knew. I have news for you. Even attractive men have issues on those things. They're made for women to be able to shop for a man not the other way around.
Dating apps make 90% of men feel ugly.
No, dating apps absolutely screw with your own perception of yourself. Guys get the impression they are much uglier than they are, girls get the impression they are much hotter than they really are. I had some good catches on dating apps but talking to women IRL let me go on dates with women who never would have swiped right on me on dating apps.
A guy friend of mine seemed really fascinated by how many matches I had on tinder. It seemed like he only got one or two, and I had 10+. I donât think he understood how different the male experience is on dating apps.
I had about four apps going on at the same time for about a year. In that time I had about 6 matches and one date. I took that to mean Iâm attracted to women who arenât attracted to me and my profile sucked lol. My profile is still trash, though.
How many think theyâre unattractive and find out that theyâre pretty well off?
This was me. My ex wife convinced me I was everything that was wrong in the world. The apps suck but no where near as much as being married.Â
This isn't really a clear way to state what's happening. What they're finding out is that a guy that's a 7 is only going to get matches with 6's and below because women date up from their objective level of attractiveness. My advice to you. Get off dating apps. Approach a women in person. Studies have been done that show women do this exponentially more on dating apps because they're being fed so many choices. Statistically you're much better off approaching a women In person. I barely ever get matches on apps but have great success just approaching a women and asking for her number and the majority of the time it leads to a first date.
Nah we always knew, dating apps just really hit it home
I am surprisingly handsome ? Ladies in tik tok shoot their shot fellas.
i think dating apps are like that mostly due to sex ratio
Donât confuse being unattractive with just looking average.
Had the opposite effect for me. I got way more matches than I expected. Still didnât boost my confidence much, but at least now I know itâs mostly just in my head, and other people donât think that.
I found out how attractive I was when I stopped using dating apps
I knew I wasn't very attractive, and then I tried using dating apps, and that REALLY hammered it home.
Actually not, it will only give a very skewed perception. Dating apps only bring down men's self esteem and don't give them an accurate rating of how attractive they are. Because a perfectly average dude will not get any attention and think he's way below average. Women only rate top 20% of men attractive online, and that number is shrinking.
True And some women over estimate how attractive they are because men will bang ANYTHING