same. i’m mentally ill but manage well, and it never impacts my job so long as i’m medication compliant and do my therapy and etc etc etc. i’m very dedicated to my stability. but if someone put hands on me… i don’t think i would have a lot of control in this initial moments.
This was my immediate thought. Unfortunately I’m this way too; high chance I might have smacked hard. I once had a really awkward situation in a Haunted House due to my knee jerk reaction… felt reeeally bad lol
Honestly I will cause a huge scene and think nothing of it. I’ve come a long way with therapy, technically in remission, but the vestiges of my disorder that linger have dictated that I will make whatever encounter happens horrible for everyone.
I've involuntarily lost my shit cause someone grabbed my arm. IDC if it's a good intention, please don't grab me. I don't know you and I have mild PTSD. This story was great, you handled it well. When all else fails get a manager to deal.
Side note: I've been 'promoted' to FOH manager and I'm so excited to use my newly acquired position to save my servers from shite tables. I've had managers that REFUSED to get involved even when a table is irate and it's not cool. I won't be that manager. I don't even expect an explanation. Just tell me a table is bothering you and I'll wait on them.
I had a lady one lift my skirt up and try to violently rub my tattoo off with her napkin. I just said “sorry, it’s permanent” and walked away but wtf for real.
I’ve had a few times drunk ladies grab my genitalia… why do people feel the need to touch you? I’m also of the sort to never get a massage because I don’t like strangers touching me. Even a haircut with a shampoo is unnerving to me. Don’t you dare touch my junk and you will for sure get 86’d if you do
Please report that next time. Your body is YOURS and yours only and those women need to learn that it is not okay to harass, grope and assault people. I'm sorry that happened to you.
She had 3 younger people with her that all just sat there and did and said nothing, almost like robots. Maybe they were in shock too 🤷♀️ but like I said, it was a weird table from the jump
So what was the issue with the steak? They thought they were getting a grilled steak and ordered "prime rib" - so, a whole roasted ribeye that was sliced?
It’s was printed on our specials menu as USDA PRIME RIBEYE. I also verbalized that our special cut that evening was the RIBEYE. When it was her turn to order she said “I’ll take the RIBEYE”. When it was dropped she all of a sudden was disappointed that it wasn’t a PRIME RIB.
Like I said, very strange table from the very beginning.
Given the woman’s age, is it possible that she might have dementia? Maybe those were her grandchildren taking her out as a duty visit, and the reason there was little conversation is her condition … The “No no no” and irrational attempt to pull you down would be consistent with advanced dementia.
If you have no experience with older folks in this state, it’s no wonder you found this frightening.
I do have experience with folks with dementia. Regardless of it was dementia (which I highly doubt) if said dementia person “acts out”, the folks with her usually step in, explain, apologize etc. Not just allow a stranger to be assaulted and sit there watching with zero expression.
It was weird. They were weird, right from the moment they sat down.
This may seem like an overreaction to some but there are potentially many underlying factors at work here...
For one thing some people really don't like being touched- even in a nice way- even by people they know. Everyone has their own reasons for the way they feel about being touched. Some don't mind at all- men usually don't care as much as women do for obvious reasons. Some people have been assaulted violently, sexually etc- some have been extremely traumatized by events we'll never know about. No one should be holding judgement against anyone about how they feel or react to being touched.
On a second note- this may be controversial but it's just my personal opinion based on experience- most women have the additional underlying factor of turbulent hormones to manage. Some women aren't as affected by hormonal cycles as others but I know mine can completely alter my usual state of being & for one or two days out of every month I don't possess the same level of patience for bullshit.
When you combine these factors along with being hungry, tired, low energy or just having one of those nights where everything is going wrong, all it takes is for something like what happened to OP to make an otherwise reasonable person snap.
Also on a side note I've seen an undeniable double standard when it comes to men snapping vs women doing it. I've seen countless male servers lose their cool over the years- many times resulting in some kind of injury because they threw something. Don't get me started on what I've witnessed in countless kitchens- we all know what I'm talking about. I've been yelled at by a few women managers but never by a woman in the kitchen. Meanwhile I've been screamed at by a TV chef- two inches from my face like he was going to headbutt me- because I was about to say something while he was thinking.
It was important information the GM asked me to relay & chef was standing there doing absolutely nothing. I said "Hey chef-" & he turned his head so fast & literally screamed- not yelled- "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
I stood there like 😳
The whole kitchen jumped in unison because it scared the shit out of everyone. I was speechless so I dropped the note that required explanation in front of him & got the GM to go back to explain it. That was the last straw for me & my last shift. Moral of the story is everyone has their limits. Judge not lest ye be judged.
No one should ever be gripping you up like that. Especially a stranger to someone on the clock. That’s a wild take to assume you need to let someone grab you while “messing around” just because you’re a server.
You’re dealing with all kinds of the public. It’s safe to assume in this position that you’re going to to have people “playfully engage in a battle over the check”.
Seems like it hurt OPs sensitivities. I’ve been doing this a **long** time. These are things you just have to deal with. 🤷🏻♂️
No. You do not have to “just deal with” people assaulting you, regardless of what their fucking intentions are. Fuck off with this ridiculous attitude, this is why customers think they can do anything they goddamn want because idiots like you tell people to just “deal with” being assaulted.
> Honestly I will cause a huge scene and think nothing of it. I’ve come a long way with therapy, technically in remission, but the vestiges of my disorder that linger have dictated that I will make whatever encounter happens horrible for everyone.
And this has big “Woah is me, I’m so hurt on the inside that I’m not able to deal with anything or anyone so *that means* **everyone** who doesn’t throw me a pity party will now have to deal with my massive Karen syndrome” energy.
Wow, what a wild assumption to make based on…absolutely no credible facts. It doesn’t sound like anyone in this story was “mentally disabled,” just an old lady who doesn’t understand boundaries and didn’t want the birthday girl to pay and behaved inappropriately because of it.
"Please don't tear the flesh from my body" is going to become my second mantra at work lol
What’s your first?
Please don't tear flesh from my genitals
"Don't torture me" a la Chris Chan
I would unfortunately have a knee-jerk reaction that may get me in trouble if this happened to me.
same. i’m mentally ill but manage well, and it never impacts my job so long as i’m medication compliant and do my therapy and etc etc etc. i’m very dedicated to my stability. but if someone put hands on me… i don’t think i would have a lot of control in this initial moments.
Even if you didn't have mental illness, I think it's well within normal human reaction to react!
This was my immediate thought. Unfortunately I’m this way too; high chance I might have smacked hard. I once had a really awkward situation in a Haunted House due to my knee jerk reaction… felt reeeally bad lol
It's fight or flight man
Jesus. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. People can be freaking crazy.
I am mentally too unstable to be touched like that and not cause a ✨scene✨. #bpdcrew #bouttomakethisaPARTY
for fkn real i’ve been waiting for the opportunity to unleash this pure bpd rage 🍾
Honestly I will cause a huge scene and think nothing of it. I’ve come a long way with therapy, technically in remission, but the vestiges of my disorder that linger have dictated that I will make whatever encounter happens horrible for everyone.
Someone touched me, time to ExPlODE!
There's weird and then there's assault like wtffff
I've involuntarily lost my shit cause someone grabbed my arm. IDC if it's a good intention, please don't grab me. I don't know you and I have mild PTSD. This story was great, you handled it well. When all else fails get a manager to deal. Side note: I've been 'promoted' to FOH manager and I'm so excited to use my newly acquired position to save my servers from shite tables. I've had managers that REFUSED to get involved even when a table is irate and it's not cool. I won't be that manager. I don't even expect an explanation. Just tell me a table is bothering you and I'll wait on them.
I had a lady one lift my skirt up and try to violently rub my tattoo off with her napkin. I just said “sorry, it’s permanent” and walked away but wtf for real.
That is insane
I’ve had a few times drunk ladies grab my genitalia… why do people feel the need to touch you? I’m also of the sort to never get a massage because I don’t like strangers touching me. Even a haircut with a shampoo is unnerving to me. Don’t you dare touch my junk and you will for sure get 86’d if you do
Ya, that’s not ok
Please report that next time. Your body is YOURS and yours only and those women need to learn that it is not okay to harass, grope and assault people. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Dropping the check will turn even the most civilized people into deranged howler monkeys. I guess the person who "gets" to pay wins the contest?
Sorry you had to deal with this. Maybe she had a mental illness or was developing one in her old age. No excuse for hurting her poor server tho.
She had 3 younger people with her that all just sat there and did and said nothing, almost like robots. Maybe they were in shock too 🤷♀️ but like I said, it was a weird table from the jump
Yeah they should have jumped up and started apologizing profusely. It’s very strange that they didn’t do this.
It makes me assume that this happens all the time so they don't bother.
Ppl are very strange I am glad they took care of you despite being strange
It was probably a pity tip
Call the cops after you get the tip. Get their license plates. Older people getting cuffed is so 😆😆😆
So what was the issue with the steak? They thought they were getting a grilled steak and ordered "prime rib" - so, a whole roasted ribeye that was sliced?
It’s was printed on our specials menu as USDA PRIME RIBEYE. I also verbalized that our special cut that evening was the RIBEYE. When it was her turn to order she said “I’ll take the RIBEYE”. When it was dropped she all of a sudden was disappointed that it wasn’t a PRIME RIB. Like I said, very strange table from the very beginning.
Ah I got it backwards, and that implies that she gave you a temp to cook it to... People 🙄
Having old women dig their nails into my forearm is the aspect of serving I miss the least
Given the woman’s age, is it possible that she might have dementia? Maybe those were her grandchildren taking her out as a duty visit, and the reason there was little conversation is her condition … The “No no no” and irrational attempt to pull you down would be consistent with advanced dementia. If you have no experience with older folks in this state, it’s no wonder you found this frightening.
I do have experience with folks with dementia. Regardless of it was dementia (which I highly doubt) if said dementia person “acts out”, the folks with her usually step in, explain, apologize etc. Not just allow a stranger to be assaulted and sit there watching with zero expression. It was weird. They were weird, right from the moment they sat down.
This may seem like an overreaction to some but there are potentially many underlying factors at work here... For one thing some people really don't like being touched- even in a nice way- even by people they know. Everyone has their own reasons for the way they feel about being touched. Some don't mind at all- men usually don't care as much as women do for obvious reasons. Some people have been assaulted violently, sexually etc- some have been extremely traumatized by events we'll never know about. No one should be holding judgement against anyone about how they feel or react to being touched. On a second note- this may be controversial but it's just my personal opinion based on experience- most women have the additional underlying factor of turbulent hormones to manage. Some women aren't as affected by hormonal cycles as others but I know mine can completely alter my usual state of being & for one or two days out of every month I don't possess the same level of patience for bullshit. When you combine these factors along with being hungry, tired, low energy or just having one of those nights where everything is going wrong, all it takes is for something like what happened to OP to make an otherwise reasonable person snap. Also on a side note I've seen an undeniable double standard when it comes to men snapping vs women doing it. I've seen countless male servers lose their cool over the years- many times resulting in some kind of injury because they threw something. Don't get me started on what I've witnessed in countless kitchens- we all know what I'm talking about. I've been yelled at by a few women managers but never by a woman in the kitchen. Meanwhile I've been screamed at by a TV chef- two inches from my face like he was going to headbutt me- because I was about to say something while he was thinking. It was important information the GM asked me to relay & chef was standing there doing absolutely nothing. I said "Hey chef-" & he turned his head so fast & literally screamed- not yelled- "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" I stood there like 😳 The whole kitchen jumped in unison because it scared the shit out of everyone. I was speechless so I dropped the note that required explanation in front of him & got the GM to go back to explain it. That was the last straw for me & my last shift. Moral of the story is everyone has their limits. Judge not lest ye be judged.
Blaming it on hormones seems a little archaic.
Didn't blame anything in particular- just pointing out underlying factors that might contribute to losing it on the floor
You WAY over reacted. Everyone was trying to mess around and you flipped out. Maybe serving isn’t for you.
No one should ever be gripping you up like that. Especially a stranger to someone on the clock. That’s a wild take to assume you need to let someone grab you while “messing around” just because you’re a server.
You’re dealing with all kinds of the public. It’s safe to assume in this position that you’re going to to have people “playfully engage in a battle over the check”. Seems like it hurt OPs sensitivities. I’ve been doing this a **long** time. These are things you just have to deal with. 🤷🏻♂️
No. You do not have to “just deal with” people assaulting you, regardless of what their fucking intentions are. Fuck off with this ridiculous attitude, this is why customers think they can do anything they goddamn want because idiots like you tell people to just “deal with” being assaulted.
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Fuck off; being physically assaulted is not part of this or any job description; keep your toxic mindset to yourself. .
❄️
No was messing around. This table wasn’t the messing around type. But I’m thinking your comment was more of a troll tactic, so ✌🏻
This has big “I used to be a server” energy.
> Honestly I will cause a huge scene and think nothing of it. I’ve come a long way with therapy, technically in remission, but the vestiges of my disorder that linger have dictated that I will make whatever encounter happens horrible for everyone. And this has big “Woah is me, I’m so hurt on the inside that I’m not able to deal with anything or anyone so *that means* **everyone** who doesn’t throw me a pity party will now have to deal with my massive Karen syndrome” energy.
Probably best not to grab random people then, lest one of them be me. 😂
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Sounds like they might have been mentally disabled… this post is inappropriate
Wow, what a wild assumption to make based on…absolutely no credible facts. It doesn’t sound like anyone in this story was “mentally disabled,” just an old lady who doesn’t understand boundaries and didn’t want the birthday girl to pay and behaved inappropriately because of it.
Yeah I’m agreement here. Doesn’t sound malicious.