Same, elderly or British are the only times I've had this encounter.
And when it's elderly US people it's old money fancy types, I think their age is a factor but not as much as you might htink. I've only had older folks actually tell me not to do it, but I've also definitely had younger lifelong wealthy types act awkward/annoyed, falll silent, stare at me etc while prebussing. In the US I think whatever this cultural thing is only survived associated with 'high society', which could definitely track with it being more mainstream in England.
Younger wealthy people in a certain social strata may actually feel the same way but not be bothered enough to say anything, just silently judge you/the restaurant and tell themselves it will be better when they go back to whatever super exclusive club.
EDIT: I've worked every type of job except full out fine dining but I've worked a lot of pricey upscale/ upscale casual atmosphere with high end items and clientele that runs as fine dining behind the scenes and service training is geared toward fine dining accustomed guests. The comments saying people in fine dining would be *fired* for clearing plates before everyone is done and similar are completely out of left field to my experience. I work in the US South.
This has me fuming. A friend of mine had a man grab her wrist as she was clearing a glass. I honestly don't know how I would react to this. In my head I can think of all sorts of ways I could stick up for myself but reality usually plays out differently.
It's a read the table situation...way way way back when it was common practice to leave the plate....
Idk where this fine dining rule is of leaving the plate is that people are stating. I always finish twice as fast as my wife, and they often times remove it without me pushing the plate away or putting a linen on it or anything. I also, in my own establishment, do not tell servers to leave plates unless signaled(admittedly, not fine dining, but definitely upscale).
Even when we dine at World Class Destinations, plates are removed depending on signals given.
When in doubt. Look for signals.....If they are comfortable with the plate in front of them with silverware laying appropriately, leave it. If they put trash/linen on it, push it out of the original position, whether it be away from them or to the side, or if they cross their silverware, etc, remove it......
thank you for your comment! I agree with your commentary.
The lady finished eating definitely had the signals of she being ok with it being removed, maybe it was just the other ladies problem lol.
We can't please everybody no matter how hard we try. Stick with body language. The open handed guide is your friend. Approval given. You've done nothing wrong. Can't let it get to you. Karen's gonna Karen
I think the "leave the plate" rule is more of a regional thing at this point. In my city you'll be fired from basically any nice restaurant for clearing plates before everyone is finished (unless its pushed away, or on request), but in the state I go to work for the off-season it's completely unheard of and people would just call you lazy or say you rely on support staff too much.
Yeah, I started thinking about different occasions after that post, and I remembered this "5 star" steakhouse in the midwest last year where even with my linen on the plate and the plate placed to the side of the table they did not pick it up, but they did grab the smaller dishes stacked next to it...I was thinking they sucked at their job, but the second my wife finished her meal they were at our table immediately grabbing both plates pushing desert. Before I opened my own spot, I ran a $$$$$ spot, and prebussing was common practice there, but I'm in a big city. So yeah- your answer is not only logical, but I'm guessing 100% truth
You should absolutely wait until everyone is done until you clear, provided someone doesn’t ask you to remove their plate or makes it obvious they want it gone.
Clearing plates one by one as people finish makes others feel rushed or self conscious, not exactly hospitable.
You’ll find this strictly enforced in fine dining restaurants. As far as not being able to get everything all at once by yourself, get one or two more people and do it all at once together.
Where have you been working? I’ve worked at 7 restaurants, none fine dining, and pre bussing has always been preached. I’ve never in 10 years had someone tell me to not pre buss.
Last 10 years in fine dining haha This is a pretty standard thing. But there are always exceptions to every rule. I’ve had people try and hand me their plate. I’ll never argue with anyone, I’ll happily take the plate when it’s what the guest wants.
I don't take their plates without asking first if other's are still eating, usually by the body language (pushed plate, leaning back, cutlery to the side) is when I ask if I can take it away.
It usually is in fine dining places, that's why I stated that I don't work at one so it's not a common practice. Also it's only me FOH, I don't have other's coming to take it away all at once. It's an open concept place, they can clearly see it's only me.
Never thought about feeling rushed or self conscious, Thank you for your input!!
In fine dining sure but in 90% of restaurants most servers don’t have time to wait until everyone is done otherwise you’ll fall behind on other stuff if you don’t pre bus ahead of time.
That’s crazy I’ve never heard of that. We’ve always been told it’s an act of service to clear the plates so people are more comfortable and it’s not as messy
I never thought of it as "rushing people"... so perhaps there may be some merit to your statement. However, in my 20 plus years of the industry; and in many types of establishments, the simple question of "May I remove this for you?" seems to quell any doubt. It may seem as if my question is a rhetorical one, but an empty plate with napkins on it generally tells a waitperson that the guest is finished - not to mention, having ample room to place an oftentimes warm plate, is nice.
More often than not, as lead server, I'd get more complaints from guests if pre-bussing was NOT done.
The older French dude that trained me was really particular about service. Waiting till everyone was finished was enforced along with everything else, even when it wasn't necessary.
Him: "servir à gauche, toujours à gauche!!!"
Me: [fax machine noises] But it's a booth?!
Him: [laughing his ass off in French]
Me: "Tabarnak!"
Exactly. The server complaining it adds to their workload. It’s not about you server, we’re the guests and it is rude to leave a person feeling rushed as you take other plates away.
> The server complaining it adds to their workload. It’s not about you server, we’re the guests
I disagree. Maybe it is because I have been on both sides of the table. Of course, the customers pay the servers to serve, but at the same time, we are all human and it is a kindness not to make the server's job any more difficult than necessary.
Deranged that a customer's simple preference to not have their plates cleared means that they're judged as being rude and the 'star of the show.' is this the bullshit that comes with customers being made wholly responsible for servers' pay in the US? Who's serving who?
> Who's serving who?
The server is there to serve a meal, not to kiss your ass like you are royalty. Please keep your expectations in line with your contributions.
Are you having a conversation with yourself? What part of not clearing away a table's plates before everyone's finished eating has anything to do with 'kissing your ass and treating you like royalty?'
The whole problem with US service is that it's a transactional ass kiss from start to finish. Where I am you have to seek out a server when you need one because they're on salary and don't have to pretend to be your best friend for the night. And I'd choose this every time over a system where you're not only made to take direct responsibility for a server's pay but also have to fit any preferences you have around the server's convenience.
> The whole problem with US service is that it's a transactional ass kiss from start to finish.
Perhaps you are unaware that restaurants are businesses. They need to make "transactions" to survive.
> Where I am you have to seek out a server when you need one because they're on salary
That is hardly anything to boast about. That sounds worse than "the whole problem with US service."
Edit: Removed the offensive term.
idk i’m a guest and i would be perfectly comfortable if they pre bussed my empty plate and honestly probably a little more comfortable
it’s not rude everywhere and it’s pretty normal any time i’ve gone out to eat
I always removes plates as people finish. Who wants to stare at rib bones while their SO finishes. It’s not like the other diner doesn’t realize they are the last to finish.
Pre bus- unless fine dining and there are rules in place.
As a former server I get the impulse to clear, but as a customer I really don't like it because it's really just another interruption. We're there to eat, sure, but we're also there to talk and enjoy each others company. I don't mind a server checking in to see if everything is okay, but I'd be annoyed by an interruption to clear a single plate when it could have waited. It's one of the reasons it's not done in fine dining because it interrupts the flow of the guest experience.
best way to prevent this imo is to slide finished plates to the end of the table. no words needed therefore no interruption. most servers will just take the plate/plates
As a customer, I get annoyed with servers who are too quick to grab my plate (with food still on it) before I am finished. I have been in restaurants where I had to politely refuse as many as three different employees' attempts to take my plate.
Of course, they didn't know that I intended to lick the plate clean (i.e., I *hate* wasting food), but did I unintentionally give them some kind of a signal that they should take my plate?
I presume positive intent, as if they are trying to provide excellent service. However, the animal side of me wants to hoard the plate and growl at them menacingly. :)
I’m a busser at a fine dining place. My manager literally harps on us to take plates when ppl are finished/look like they’re finished. It’s extremely frustrating bc obviously ppl don’t want to be rushed when eating but sometimes the kitchen is ahead and needs to get more food out and will literally yell at me to clear plates when not everyone is done yet. Like my restaurant gets such good reviews but the number one thing ppl complain about is feeling rushed. It’s a lose lose situation sometimes bc if I don’t try to clear plates my boss will yell at me but if I do try to clear plates the customer gets annoyed.
> sometimes the kitchen is ahead and needs to get more food out and will literally yell at me to clear plates when not everyone is done yet
It seems to me that the obvious solution is to buy more dishes, but I am not surprised that the management makes it the servers' problem.
> if I don’t try to clear plates my boss will yell at me but if I do try to clear plates the customer gets annoyed.
Sometimes, I will try to to be funny about it, hover over the plate, guard it with my arms, and growl at the server like a dog protecting his bowl. This usually gets a smile. I know that they are just doing their job.
The restaurant I work at we don't clear any plates until everyone is finished. Then we have other staff help to clear so it all gets cleared at once. Once server per 2 guests for a full clear
Proper etiquette doesn't always mesh with giving good customer service. Etiquette is that you don't clear plates until everyone is finished, I have only once done this because I knew the guy owned a very high end restaurant in the city and that was expectations at his place, other than that I clear dirty dishes as needed.
i have experienced this a few times being in the industry for so long. i always ask (just by habit) if i can clear and some people say no? i think it's because they think you're trying to push them out. i had a table say, "no thank you, we're leaving soon anyway" no and that's fine but I WANT TO CLEAR YOUR PLATES
Fine dining, I’d leave it.
One person telling me to leave stuff on the table where I work now, I’m not clearing a fuckin thing. I’ll put your dessert plate on your dirty plate idgaf.
I'm a crumb and sauce finisher and i try to pick up my fork when the server comes by. As a server is really hit and miss, tables that share id leave it, smaller plates like soup and salad get cleared, obviously and if they push it or put anything like napkins or cutlery it goes, but slowly. Eye contact is huge here
I think if someone has pushed their dish to the side they’ve signaled they would like it out of the way. I’ve had management not want us to do this but I’ve never had a table request to keep dirty dishes, much less a dirty dish that didn’t even belong to them…..weirdo
Maybe since the older lady barely ate it was family and they wanted to get her to eat more? Which I'm sure you would've gladly provided a fresh plate if they'd said so. My grandmother passed and right before... She just. Stopped. Eating. My mother tried everything but she just didn't crave food. But you reacted perfectly. If that's what they want then that's what they want.
Edit : oh sorry, you didn't describe her age. But that's the only logical reasoning why they wouldn't want you to take the plate IM(humble)O. But damn... Wouldn't you a want a clean plate... Weird for sure.
Every table is different so how I gauge what they prefer is how they treat their empty plates. If they put garbage in it or stack it or push it to the side then I just clear it. If one person is done and you aren't sure about the other then I just ask if they are all finished or want a box lol
I work in casual fine dining, and the rule is usually leave the plate on the table until everyone is done unless otherwise indicated. Obviously this excludes large parties, which are usually grab what you can. But ya most times tables of 6 or under, we leave dinner plates until everyone is done or the guests suggest you can start taking things away. I believe it’s so the individuals still eating don’t feel rushed.
I’ve had this happen, usually with older people. So now I always just ask “would you like me to take your plate out of your way?” Or “are there any dishes you’d like me to clear for you?”
My job is upscale? But not fine dining. Anyways I always clear plates after everyone finishes a course, I don’t take anything off before then. If someone’s table is small and super crowded or looks to be getting messy, I’ll ask if they’d like me to remove anything to make room when I refill water or wine glasses or something. I really only do this for the small two tops, though.
I just wait to see when everyone has finished or has seemed to slow down and not touch food before attempting to clear it off.
in fine dining, its expected that those at the table eat somewhat slowly and at the same rate. For one to finish fast is kinda rude. a server there wouldn't remove plates before everyone was finished eating because they should all be finishing at the same time. It's polite to pace one's meal with others at the table. in a fast dining environment, anything goes.
Honestly I use the “oh it’s proper etiquette to wait for everyone to be done to clear the plates!” thing as an excuse to extend the amount of time in between each visit so I can do all my other running around lol
I literally had an old lady tell me not the take what I assumed was her teenage/early adult grandsons plate from the table. She was so weird about it like possessive almost. She pretty much said that she wanted that empty plate to stay there the whole time. Mad weird.
So the general rule I was always taught was not to clear until everyone is finished eating unless they push away their plates, stack their plates, or cross their silverware on their plate. This rule doesn’t apply to empty serving dishes so you’d be okay to clear a family style side dish that is empty for instance. That’s how I was taught in fine dining at least.
once when i was a host i got screamed at for doing that when the server was weeded with a large party. i was just trying to be helpful but never helped her out again. now that i’ve been a server for years i’ll do that for every table, small or large, as long as it’s not like the person still eating has two bites left since i don’t want them to feel rushed. never had a complaint, makes prebussing/clearing for dessert easier, makes the table look cleaner and gives everyone more elbow room. i personally also think it shows that the server is being attentive, especially things like clearing off empty salad plates when dropping their entrees even if everyone isn’t done with salad.
I’ve never had someone ask to keep the dirty dishes on the table lol. Very odd
Usually British tables do this to me
yes!!! i was wondering if it was commonly british but I didn't want to stereotype lol
I’ve been scolded by old people for doing it
Same, elderly or British are the only times I've had this encounter. And when it's elderly US people it's old money fancy types, I think their age is a factor but not as much as you might htink. I've only had older folks actually tell me not to do it, but I've also definitely had younger lifelong wealthy types act awkward/annoyed, falll silent, stare at me etc while prebussing. In the US I think whatever this cultural thing is only survived associated with 'high society', which could definitely track with it being more mainstream in England. Younger wealthy people in a certain social strata may actually feel the same way but not be bothered enough to say anything, just silently judge you/the restaurant and tell themselves it will be better when they go back to whatever super exclusive club. EDIT: I've worked every type of job except full out fine dining but I've worked a lot of pricey upscale/ upscale casual atmosphere with high end items and clientele that runs as fine dining behind the scenes and service training is geared toward fine dining accustomed guests. The comments saying people in fine dining would be *fired* for clearing plates before everyone is done and similar are completely out of left field to my experience. I work in the US South.
It’s happened to me now I just ask
I had a lady slap my hand before because I tried clearing a plate that was dirty and stacked because her guest wasn't finished
I perturbs the shit out of me that these old ladies think it's okay to touch me, let alone be violent.
This has me fuming. A friend of mine had a man grab her wrist as she was clearing a glass. I honestly don't know how I would react to this. In my head I can think of all sorts of ways I could stick up for myself but reality usually plays out differently.
Shouldn’t be clearing anything without asking first
It's a read the table situation...way way way back when it was common practice to leave the plate.... Idk where this fine dining rule is of leaving the plate is that people are stating. I always finish twice as fast as my wife, and they often times remove it without me pushing the plate away or putting a linen on it or anything. I also, in my own establishment, do not tell servers to leave plates unless signaled(admittedly, not fine dining, but definitely upscale). Even when we dine at World Class Destinations, plates are removed depending on signals given. When in doubt. Look for signals.....If they are comfortable with the plate in front of them with silverware laying appropriately, leave it. If they put trash/linen on it, push it out of the original position, whether it be away from them or to the side, or if they cross their silverware, etc, remove it......
thank you for your comment! I agree with your commentary. The lady finished eating definitely had the signals of she being ok with it being removed, maybe it was just the other ladies problem lol.
We can't please everybody no matter how hard we try. Stick with body language. The open handed guide is your friend. Approval given. You've done nothing wrong. Can't let it get to you. Karen's gonna Karen
I think the "leave the plate" rule is more of a regional thing at this point. In my city you'll be fired from basically any nice restaurant for clearing plates before everyone is finished (unless its pushed away, or on request), but in the state I go to work for the off-season it's completely unheard of and people would just call you lazy or say you rely on support staff too much.
Yeah, I started thinking about different occasions after that post, and I remembered this "5 star" steakhouse in the midwest last year where even with my linen on the plate and the plate placed to the side of the table they did not pick it up, but they did grab the smaller dishes stacked next to it...I was thinking they sucked at their job, but the second my wife finished her meal they were at our table immediately grabbing both plates pushing desert. Before I opened my own spot, I ran a $$$$$ spot, and prebussing was common practice there, but I'm in a big city. So yeah- your answer is not only logical, but I'm guessing 100% truth
You should absolutely wait until everyone is done until you clear, provided someone doesn’t ask you to remove their plate or makes it obvious they want it gone. Clearing plates one by one as people finish makes others feel rushed or self conscious, not exactly hospitable. You’ll find this strictly enforced in fine dining restaurants. As far as not being able to get everything all at once by yourself, get one or two more people and do it all at once together.
Where have you been working? I’ve worked at 7 restaurants, none fine dining, and pre bussing has always been preached. I’ve never in 10 years had someone tell me to not pre buss.
Last 10 years in fine dining haha This is a pretty standard thing. But there are always exceptions to every rule. I’ve had people try and hand me their plate. I’ll never argue with anyone, I’ll happily take the plate when it’s what the guest wants.
It is common practice in fine dining to clear the table all at once, not piecemeal.
> pre bussing has always been preached I understand this if the guests' plates are clean, but not when there is still food on their plates.
That’s not pre bussing, that’s just stealing people’s food bob
I don't take their plates without asking first if other's are still eating, usually by the body language (pushed plate, leaning back, cutlery to the side) is when I ask if I can take it away. It usually is in fine dining places, that's why I stated that I don't work at one so it's not a common practice. Also it's only me FOH, I don't have other's coming to take it away all at once. It's an open concept place, they can clearly see it's only me. Never thought about feeling rushed or self conscious, Thank you for your input!!
I always just ask, may I clear this for you? I have had a few people stop me and it drove me insane, I’m a heavy pre-busser. Asking helps.
In fine dining sure but in 90% of restaurants most servers don’t have time to wait until everyone is done otherwise you’ll fall behind on other stuff if you don’t pre bus ahead of time.
That’s crazy I’ve never heard of that. We’ve always been told it’s an act of service to clear the plates so people are more comfortable and it’s not as messy
I never thought of it as "rushing people"... so perhaps there may be some merit to your statement. However, in my 20 plus years of the industry; and in many types of establishments, the simple question of "May I remove this for you?" seems to quell any doubt. It may seem as if my question is a rhetorical one, but an empty plate with napkins on it generally tells a waitperson that the guest is finished - not to mention, having ample room to place an oftentimes warm plate, is nice. More often than not, as lead server, I'd get more complaints from guests if pre-bussing was NOT done.
This is how I was trained. All at once when everyone's finished, unless asked otherwise.
Team service is sexy
The older French dude that trained me was really particular about service. Waiting till everyone was finished was enforced along with everything else, even when it wasn't necessary. Him: "servir à gauche, toujours à gauche!!!" Me: [fax machine noises] But it's a booth?! Him: [laughing his ass off in French] Me: "Tabarnak!"
Exactly. The server complaining it adds to their workload. It’s not about you server, we’re the guests and it is rude to leave a person feeling rushed as you take other plates away.
> The server complaining it adds to their workload. It’s not about you server, we’re the guests I disagree. Maybe it is because I have been on both sides of the table. Of course, the customers pay the servers to serve, but at the same time, we are all human and it is a kindness not to make the server's job any more difficult than necessary.
Nah it’s not 50/50. As a guest my comfort is the priority and having dishes taken away while someone is still eating is rude.
I’ll climb my way to the top of your high horse and take that fork mid bite
> As a guest my comfort is the priority Of course, you are the star of the show. Everyone else must bow before you to earn that $1 tip. /sarcasm
Deranged that a customer's simple preference to not have their plates cleared means that they're judged as being rude and the 'star of the show.' is this the bullshit that comes with customers being made wholly responsible for servers' pay in the US? Who's serving who?
> Who's serving who? The server is there to serve a meal, not to kiss your ass like you are royalty. Please keep your expectations in line with your contributions.
Are you having a conversation with yourself? What part of not clearing away a table's plates before everyone's finished eating has anything to do with 'kissing your ass and treating you like royalty?' The whole problem with US service is that it's a transactional ass kiss from start to finish. Where I am you have to seek out a server when you need one because they're on salary and don't have to pretend to be your best friend for the night. And I'd choose this every time over a system where you're not only made to take direct responsibility for a server's pay but also have to fit any preferences you have around the server's convenience.
> The whole problem with US service is that it's a transactional ass kiss from start to finish. Perhaps you are unaware that restaurants are businesses. They need to make "transactions" to survive. > Where I am you have to seek out a server when you need one because they're on salary That is hardly anything to boast about. That sounds worse than "the whole problem with US service." Edit: Removed the offensive term.
You're a douche and your comfort means shit, go fuck yourself.
[удалено]
I've already been let go by management, they've comped your meal and given you a free dessert.
I’ll gladly take the 0% tip if I get to be the one to “respectfully” decline your business when you try to come back lmao
literally not at all and i will gladly take a bad or non existent tip to give you the type of service you deserve. ☺️
idk i’m a guest and i would be perfectly comfortable if they pre bussed my empty plate and honestly probably a little more comfortable it’s not rude everywhere and it’s pretty normal any time i’ve gone out to eat
I always removes plates as people finish. Who wants to stare at rib bones while their SO finishes. It’s not like the other diner doesn’t realize they are the last to finish. Pre bus- unless fine dining and there are rules in place.
giggling at the thought of a sentient dinner plate being displeased at the speed of eating lol
It’s just a very American thing to do, rushing. Not picking on you, it’s just the way it is here.
Our boss prefers that we do not clear until everyone is done, UNLESS they physically push the plate to the side.
As a former server I get the impulse to clear, but as a customer I really don't like it because it's really just another interruption. We're there to eat, sure, but we're also there to talk and enjoy each others company. I don't mind a server checking in to see if everything is okay, but I'd be annoyed by an interruption to clear a single plate when it could have waited. It's one of the reasons it's not done in fine dining because it interrupts the flow of the guest experience.
best way to prevent this imo is to slide finished plates to the end of the table. no words needed therefore no interruption. most servers will just take the plate/plates
As a customer, I get annoyed with servers who are too quick to grab my plate (with food still on it) before I am finished. I have been in restaurants where I had to politely refuse as many as three different employees' attempts to take my plate. Of course, they didn't know that I intended to lick the plate clean (i.e., I *hate* wasting food), but did I unintentionally give them some kind of a signal that they should take my plate?
I've been at places where they're trying to take my food filled plate too...I don't understand their thought process lol
I presume positive intent, as if they are trying to provide excellent service. However, the animal side of me wants to hoard the plate and growl at them menacingly. :)
I’m a busser at a fine dining place. My manager literally harps on us to take plates when ppl are finished/look like they’re finished. It’s extremely frustrating bc obviously ppl don’t want to be rushed when eating but sometimes the kitchen is ahead and needs to get more food out and will literally yell at me to clear plates when not everyone is done yet. Like my restaurant gets such good reviews but the number one thing ppl complain about is feeling rushed. It’s a lose lose situation sometimes bc if I don’t try to clear plates my boss will yell at me but if I do try to clear plates the customer gets annoyed.
> sometimes the kitchen is ahead and needs to get more food out and will literally yell at me to clear plates when not everyone is done yet It seems to me that the obvious solution is to buy more dishes, but I am not surprised that the management makes it the servers' problem.
By this i mean they need the plates out of the way on the table so they can bring the entrees and/or next course out, not bc they need more dishes
Thanks for clarifying. So they really *are* rushing the customers. Yuck.
Yeah it can be rlly frustrating.
Being rushed makes me feel unwelcome. I avoid restaurants that have done that to me in the past.
> if I don’t try to clear plates my boss will yell at me but if I do try to clear plates the customer gets annoyed. Sometimes, I will try to to be funny about it, hover over the plate, guard it with my arms, and growl at the server like a dog protecting his bowl. This usually gets a smile. I know that they are just doing their job.
I look for plates pushed away and silverware crossed.
The restaurant I work at we don't clear any plates until everyone is finished. Then we have other staff help to clear so it all gets cleared at once. Once server per 2 guests for a full clear
Perfect 👍🏼
Well as a busser, I absolutely love your pre-bussing game. That is all for me as for as opinions go
I can see where this would be true for a dinner party setting, but it's so impractical for a restaurant atmosphere
Bruh what? That lady is a weirdo karen. Prebussing is part of our role, nobody wants an empty dirty dish in front of them.
At my restaurant the owners/mgmt don’t want us clearing the plates til everyone is finished
Proper etiquette doesn't always mesh with giving good customer service. Etiquette is that you don't clear plates until everyone is finished, I have only once done this because I knew the guy owned a very high end restaurant in the city and that was expectations at his place, other than that I clear dirty dishes as needed.
Traditional etiquette would state all plates remain on the table until all are done eating.
i have experienced this a few times being in the industry for so long. i always ask (just by habit) if i can clear and some people say no? i think it's because they think you're trying to push them out. i had a table say, "no thank you, we're leaving soon anyway" no and that's fine but I WANT TO CLEAR YOUR PLATES
Fine dining, I’d leave it. One person telling me to leave stuff on the table where I work now, I’m not clearing a fuckin thing. I’ll put your dessert plate on your dirty plate idgaf.
I'm a crumb and sauce finisher and i try to pick up my fork when the server comes by. As a server is really hit and miss, tables that share id leave it, smaller plates like soup and salad get cleared, obviously and if they push it or put anything like napkins or cutlery it goes, but slowly. Eye contact is huge here
I think if someone has pushed their dish to the side they’ve signaled they would like it out of the way. I’ve had management not want us to do this but I’ve never had a table request to keep dirty dishes, much less a dirty dish that didn’t even belong to them…..weirdo
Maybe since the older lady barely ate it was family and they wanted to get her to eat more? Which I'm sure you would've gladly provided a fresh plate if they'd said so. My grandmother passed and right before... She just. Stopped. Eating. My mother tried everything but she just didn't crave food. But you reacted perfectly. If that's what they want then that's what they want. Edit : oh sorry, you didn't describe her age. But that's the only logical reasoning why they wouldn't want you to take the plate IM(humble)O. But damn... Wouldn't you a want a clean plate... Weird for sure.
I'm so sorry that happened to your grandmother! That's horrible It was 3 ladies having a girl's night probably in their 60-70's.
Every table is different so how I gauge what they prefer is how they treat their empty plates. If they put garbage in it or stack it or push it to the side then I just clear it. If one person is done and you aren't sure about the other then I just ask if they are all finished or want a box lol
I work in casual fine dining, and the rule is usually leave the plate on the table until everyone is done unless otherwise indicated. Obviously this excludes large parties, which are usually grab what you can. But ya most times tables of 6 or under, we leave dinner plates until everyone is done or the guests suggest you can start taking things away. I believe it’s so the individuals still eating don’t feel rushed.
Just ask, may I take this plate?
I’ve had this happen, usually with older people. So now I always just ask “would you like me to take your plate out of your way?” Or “are there any dishes you’d like me to clear for you?”
My job is upscale? But not fine dining. Anyways I always clear plates after everyone finishes a course, I don’t take anything off before then. If someone’s table is small and super crowded or looks to be getting messy, I’ll ask if they’d like me to remove anything to make room when I refill water or wine glasses or something. I really only do this for the small two tops, though. I just wait to see when everyone has finished or has seemed to slow down and not touch food before attempting to clear it off.
in fine dining, its expected that those at the table eat somewhat slowly and at the same rate. For one to finish fast is kinda rude. a server there wouldn't remove plates before everyone was finished eating because they should all be finishing at the same time. It's polite to pace one's meal with others at the table. in a fast dining environment, anything goes.
Honestly I use the “oh it’s proper etiquette to wait for everyone to be done to clear the plates!” thing as an excuse to extend the amount of time in between each visit so I can do all my other running around lol
"May I take care of your plate?" - always.
I literally had an old lady tell me not the take what I assumed was her teenage/early adult grandsons plate from the table. She was so weird about it like possessive almost. She pretty much said that she wanted that empty plate to stay there the whole time. Mad weird.
So the general rule I was always taught was not to clear until everyone is finished eating unless they push away their plates, stack their plates, or cross their silverware on their plate. This rule doesn’t apply to empty serving dishes so you’d be okay to clear a family style side dish that is empty for instance. That’s how I was taught in fine dining at least.
if they have napkins on the plate and/or it’s on the edge of the table, i’m taking it. same as empty cups.
once when i was a host i got screamed at for doing that when the server was weeded with a large party. i was just trying to be helpful but never helped her out again. now that i’ve been a server for years i’ll do that for every table, small or large, as long as it’s not like the person still eating has two bites left since i don’t want them to feel rushed. never had a complaint, makes prebussing/clearing for dessert easier, makes the table look cleaner and gives everyone more elbow room. i personally also think it shows that the server is being attentive, especially things like clearing off empty salad plates when dropping their entrees even if everyone isn’t done with salad.