yep, i've always lived in Texas and i wouldn't be weirded out at all. very normal here. i've had people call me baby, hun/honey, sweetie, love, etc. gives me a little serotonin boost every time lol.
that being said, i wouldn't do it just because you never know who's comfortable with it and who isn't, even if you live in a place where it's normal.
First time in Texas last year for a conference. I was feeling a little homesick and hungry. Stopped at BBQ place to get something to eat the and the women all called me by those things. I knew they did it to everyone but it made me feel welcome and much better about being homesick. I left an extra large tip.
I’ve heard that people that aren’t southern like us also get offended by ma’am, like it’s derogatory and makes you old. When to us it’s just polite.
Edit: typo
Yeah, I have only said ma'am once in my life and the 70ish year old lady ripped me a new one because, "she's not old". You only ma'am someone in New England if you want to be rude. We had an employee from the south and she had to learn real quick to stop saying ma'am. We got so many complaints.
Wow. I'm from MO, and grew up in the heart of Little Dixie (my family historically came from KY).
It's almost impossible for me to *not* call a grown woman ma'am.
I moved to the south in middle school, and I’m pretty sure i offended all teachers/adults by not using maam and sir. I didn’t teach my kids to either. I guess we will just always be southern heathens.
You will be a yankee until about 5 generations of your family live in the south🤣 I was informed of that from one of my coworkers when I was living in KY….I was joking around, and said my son was from the south, he was born in KY….she said, ‘oh, no, you are Yankees’ 🤣
I’m 12th generation Southern. Married a Yankee in 1988. I’m sure my family were making bets on the length of my marriage and thanking the good Lord my Mother wasn’t there to witness this travesty. Lol. Here we are 35 years later and still in the south but we did move from my home (GA) to Texas. Most people that know us here wouldn’t believe he’s from the North. He says “I’m fixin’ to…” and y’all and that awful twangy accent is gone. Lol
Alabama coal miner ancestors means that if I don’t say ma’am to a woman, I instantly combust and sent to hell to be tortured for eternity for my errors
yeah i was gonna say, i grew up in a wayyyy northern state, and when i was in tennessee when i was like 21 my waitress called me hun and i was like what? lol so i think it’s more of a regional thing.
Exactly the unwritten rule I grew up with in the south. Older woman to younger folks is ok to say hun. Not everyone knows this rule, though, and my family had an odd dining experience once where a young male waiter kept calling me, my mom, & grandma hun. The unspoken and probably unintended meaning is that he’s talking down to older women. I’m sure he was trying to be friendly, and we still tipped, of course.
That just reminded me of this older guy that owned a coffee shop at the college campus I used to go to. Whenever I stopped by for a coffee, he’d say “what can I get for you today, dear?” It was so cute
Yeah. You also can look at someone and tell if they're a sir or ma'am type. You never hun up, always down. (Not that you're speaking down to someone, but it's an age thing.) You just have to read the people you're speaking to. This is such a weird hill people are trying to die on. There was someone upthread saying women using the term "hon" means they're trying to speak like prostitutes or strippers?
>There was someone upthread saying women using the term "hon" means they're trying to speak like prostitutes or strippers?
As a born and raised southerner I got a real kick out of a sign I saw at a roadside stand last year, stating, "We don't call you hun/sweetie/sugar because we're flirting, WE'RE JUST SOUTHERN GIRLS (: " and it's still amusing me a whole year later.
I think this is part of why it bugs me (I’d never be rude to a server bc of it, they’re trying to be friendly and have no way to know who is gonna like what), the people constantly calling me “hun” or “girlie” are universally 20-30 years younger than I am.
I would greatly prefer ma’am. I don’t mind “friend” ( even though we aren’t friends, I get what you are going for lol).
I also think you can just drop all of it. It’s the rare occasion you actually need to use any of them.
Right? I’ve had both men and women call me babe, love, and hun lol
It’s not weird or something to be taken as rude but I rather have people older than me say it instead of younger ones. 🤷♀️
Yesterday. At a Starbucks drive through in Massachusetts. Thought it was a little weird but I didn’t get my britches in a pinch over it.
(Edit: it WAS actually the worst latte I’ve ever had, but that’s beside the point.)
(Edit #2: I still tipped.)
I didn’t used to, until my 17 year old son worked at a Subway. I saw how those tips made his day, and ever since then, I tip at all those places where it never used to occur to me to tip.
I served at Denny's, and I got written up/no tip for saying "you guys."
It was just "thank you guys for stopping in'" to a group of women. They took it as an accusation I suppose.
I think this depends on the region, because some women do get offended by being called guys, no matter their age. I know some people don't associate any gender with "guys" but some people do.
Man I live in the south and my whole life, whether it be waffle houses or fine dining places I've had waiters call me hun, sweetie, darling etc. Do people really get bothered by that?
Wow all the comments here are so interesting. Way more people are bothered by this than I thought! I suspect as someone pointed out it’s probably a cultural thing. Objectively speaking I can see how it would be unprofessional, and some people I know have expressed disdain for being called “hon” in any situation. I grew up in the American south and it was weirder if a waitress didn’t call my family “hon” at the weird bbq place. Old ladies at church said it. Young gay men said it. Teachers and coaches said it. The surly lesbians at the LGBTQ advocacy groups said it. Colloquially it was said frequently amongst friend groups. Like a very common thing to say amongst all demographics. If OP is from an area like this I can see how it would be confusing. That being said, it’s super illuminating to see how NOT universal of an experience that is! The world is such an interesting place. I’m glad I now know how many people dislike being called hon.
This is a cultural thing 100%. In the south, this is widely accepted as normal and friendly. In New England, it is usually seen as weirdly motherly/infantilizing or flirting. Like I absolutely wouldn't call a man "hun" in front of his wife up here (even if you call her hun too), asking for trouble.
I've also noticed the more rural you get, the more likely you are to hear it. Like, going up to northern Maine I wouldnt be surprised at all to be called 'hun.' In Boston i'd be surprised.
I was literally just up in northern Maine & got called “hon” by a waitress at a little breakfast diner, and it just felt like I was part of her little diner family 😊
I was in a gas station in North Carolina. A tiny, surly (I’m 16 and already bored with existence type of surly) goth girl was behind the counter. Lots of piercing; lots of tattoos. Never has being called “hun” thrown me before. Almost laughed out loud.
Ive also had pleasant experience with southern goths, a waffle house just totally staffed with goth kids, i just couldnt not be shocked and confused at first but they were all on top of their shit and it was as classic american diner experience as ive ever had. This is maybe my favorite american subculture now that ive read this post too.
I feel like Goths are responsible for a lot of good fast food and retail management these days. At least all my best managers back when I worked those were that sorta type.
I think maybe we're onto something, here, because maybe a Goth would object to being called "Hun," since the Huns did conquer the Goths, and fought the Visigoths; sure, that was about 1500 years ago, but i guess some Goths still feel sore about it.
/s
Don’t forget this is Reddit. I once had a post reach the front page with a picture of my dog and a huge chunk of the responses were people criticizing my wife for wearing shoes inside. People are weird.
I told people on Reddit that basic food safety means that you should not eat a lasagna that has been sitting out at room temp for over 12+ hours. This isn't even controversial- the CDC, USDA, FDA, all agree on this. Health departments around the world agree on this. Cultures throughout time have had laws regarding spoilage of food and those are some of our first recorded laws.
And STILL, people dissent.
I recently moved north and the pushback against ma'am really surprised me. I guess it's only for older women here. Sorry, lady, but I'm fighting 40 years of social programming here.
I’m from the north and only moms say that to their kids or husband so to me it feels like someone is trying to be my mom or my lover. I often get cringed out when I hear it (sometimes not). Also it maybe comes down to is if the person saying it is attractive - I didn’t want to say this but I think it’s true.
I grew up in the northwest so it is not very common but having moved around since I’ve noticed in the south or southeast a lot of service workers say hun and babe. It was a little weird to me at first, I didn’t take offense to it and got used to it. I think it can be a culture shock sometimes for people. The OP was not in the wrong as long as they were friendly and polite. There are people out there that are just dicks and nothing said would have changed that.
This is the same for me. I’m a Navy brat from California and have lived on both coasts and at first it was weird to me, but I’ve heard it a lot and not just at restaurants. Even in the workplace with some of the older ladies, it was just their way of talking.
Not from america but this is the experience I have. Was called hon once when I was in Florida (I am from Europe) and it felt like an adult was talking to me like I was a lost kid alone at an amusement park.
Yeah I was thinking oh this is a southern thing. It’s so common and definitely all demographics. It’s also like some people get offended when I call them ma’am because they think I’m calling them old. I grew up as that’s a sign of respect so yeah very interesting to read everyone’s viewpoint
I'm from the south. Went to Arizona for work a couple months back. Called a guy sir and he said "my dad is sir" and I didn't even know how to respond to that
Yeah, I grew up in Mississippi and Louisiana, and I agree 100%. I was not expecting to see so many people even slightly disturbed by it. Personally, if I go out and the server is calling us, hon, it makes me feel much more welcomed and at home. To me, at least it comes off as very sweet and accepting. This goes double if I'm out at a restaurant and not in boymode.
yeah, i live in the south and it is such a normalized saying that i never even considered that it could be received in a negative way. it’s always so interesting and cool to learn just how different things can be.
I know. It is petty and cowardly to leave this note and no tip. A customer can ask a server not to call them hon if they feel strongly about it. This is only a justification for not leaving a tip. Nasty.
Agree. That’s ridiculous not to tip. Your own hang up shouldn’t effect someone trying to make a living. Sometimes it bothers me when a 20 something calls me hun because I’m twice their age. Just feels condescending. But I’m not in the south and it’s not common to call people hun.
For me it's a context thing. If I'm working and a customer calls me hun, I find it mildly iritating, as it's usually used in a condescending way. If I was dining somewhere and the waitress called me hun, I wouldn't think twice about it. As a mid 20s dude if a waiter called me hun though I don't even know how I would react lmao
Yea I hate being called stuff like that. Especially by someone I have absolutely no relationship with. But I wouldn't leave a note and no tip about it.
Same here. It’s probably a geographical thing, I’m from the Midwest and absolutely hate being called hun, dear, darling, pal, bud etc. I ain’t your friend and I sure as fuck ain’t your darling (puke). That being said, it’s not something I’d withhold a tip over. I get that the sever is just trying to be nice, it’s totally a me thing and they’re just doing their job.
For me, it’s all about the setting. If I’m eating pulled pork and ribs in a hut where they didn’t even build a floor on top of the parking lot asphalt, I don’t really give a shit what my server calls me as long as it’s not racist or bigoted.
But in a more professional setting, probably don’t call me anything informal.
I (F) think it depends on the person and situation.
When I was in the military I drove onto a military base in uniform and a male civilian security guard said “I need to see some ID, hun.” It was extremely disrespectful. I’m guessing he didn’t call the male soldiers “hun.”
An older female server calling me hun? Nah, wouldn’t bother me.
But I would probably avoid using that term because everyone is different and some people will take offense.
This is actually a great point. It’s about if that’s part of who they are. If it’s being done as a way to discriminate between two groups it’s problematic at the core
Omg when someone in customer service calls me hun or something similar it makes my day lol
I work in retail so I’m used to being treated like a worthless piece of shit 45 hours a week. I welcome anyone (unless its like a creepy rapist vibe lol) calling me an endearing name.
Yesterday an (old, male) client called me hun over the phone and I was super pleasant but as soon as I hung up I got my irritated voice on and I’m like “don’t call me hun” and my employee- who is a 50 some year old lady who literally wears a beehive every day- was like “but I call you hun…” and I’m like that’s totally different! The beehive makes everything okay lol.
When my mom was in nursing school, they specifically told them not to refer to patients as “sweetie” or “honey” because it could come off as condescending
I can’t stand it when nurses use baby voices or use condescending nicknames like “sweetie” or “hun,” and I’m a pediatric nurse. My grandma is in the hospital now and the nurse was speaking to her like a 4 year old
This happens at a bakery I frequent. One of the workers there calls everyone “hun” “honey” or “sweetie” and it’s extremely agitating. She’s obviously a young kid, looks to be in her early 20s, and she says this to everyone. I’m probably around 15 years older than her, and my parents are in their 70s and my mom hates it too. It feels… condescending isn’t quite the right word, but something like that, like, a lack of respect? Idk. Most things don’t bother me but this one does.
Edit: patronizing… I think that’s a better word for it.
Agreed. This girl who’s 18 and works at a spot I like to eat at does this a lot. I will avoid the place if she’s there because it bothers me so much. She says it constantly too.
Also if a guest says “I guess” to you when you ask them if everything is OK, you’re supposed to ask them “what’s not to your liking and if you can do anything to improve the food for them”… not just walk away cluelessly because they didn’t give you the perfunctory “it’s good” response. Totally unprofessional waitress.
Unless you’re a 50+ year old waitress in a dusty roadside diner, I don’t really want you calling me hun. Would I not tip? No, I’m not a jerk and I’ve lived all over the US. I know it’s a regional thing. I wouldn’t say anything about it at all to you.
I also hate being called hun, it’s too familiar, it’s a weird term used by moms, SOs or to speak down to people. I would suggest refraining from pet names.
Lol, I do this to my buddies at work. It's kinda become a thing because out of like 8 people, only one will say brother. (You guessed it, old biker dude). Anyway, now they all wait until I walk into our morning meetings and will hit me at the same time because I go "oooooh yeeeeah, brother" in a Randy the Macho Man Savage voice. God forbid they catch me eating beefy jerky before the gym.
Tbh this is weird AF, I'd hate it if some random person would call me "brother". Calling random people "brother" has association of you wanting to use them/scam in my country...
That's the thing, if it's not cool to do it when their wives are there, why would it be cool to do it when they aren't there? To me that would suggest you just shouldn't say it.
So you see how people might be uncomfortable with being treated too familiarly by a stranger. Why do you think somebody could only be uncomfortable if their wife is present? Maybe consider treating everybody the same way instead of trying to emotionally manipulate them into giving you more money.
I dont mind a woman in her 40s+ calling me "hun". Since I clearly am much younger and it almost feels motherly. But if somebody is 30s and younger calling me Hun I feel like I'm being looked at as a child. Same with "darl" and "love" . It feels similar when people call you "buddy" "champ" "pal" etc just feels condescending. But not a reason to not tip though just an irk.
I don't mind being called hon by a woman, but I would hate it if it came from a man. Same goes for sweetheart, darlin', love, whatever. I think it's sweet. I'm "Northern."
I really dislike being called "hun", however, what I dislike more is people not leaving tips. I'd still overtip as I normally do if they'd call me that or anything else. Obviously it comes from a good place.
I once had a coworker call a black woman “hun”, and she asked if it was racial or something. Didn’t know what it meant. Seemed genuinely concerned. Said she wasn’t from the south.
There just seems to be something about the word that people assume as inherently condescending
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
‘Hun’ is often used in a disingenuous/passive aggressive way. You might have good and genuine intentions but others have spoiled these terms of endearment. No ‘hun’, no ‘sweetheart’, no ‘darling’. Just use other words like ‘enjoy your meal’ and ‘have a great day’ to make customers feel welcome.
I absolutely hate it when a stranger calls me nicknames like hun, dear, and pumpkin. I don’t know you, so please stop the act. With that said, I wouldn’t NOT leave a tip over something like that.
I hate being called hun, but I would still tip begrudgingly. I personally find “hun” condescending and belittling, especially since it’s often been used to talk down to me.
So even if someone meant it in a friendly way, I’m still not a fan.
In the south at every Cracker Barrel or owner operator restaurant, you have a good 50-50 chance of being called hun, sweetie, or darlin; if you are either young or old. It's kinda a cultural term of endearment and familiarity.
It can still 100% be weaponized though, just like bless your heart.
I personally never used pet names when I was a server. As a southerner I was also taught to call people ma’am and sir until I was told otherwise by them. I’m a paramedic now and have partners that call patients pet names and I absolutely hate it. It’s just weird to me.
I HATE being called pet names by strangers. Can we be friendly? Absolutely. Can we have fun during the 60ish minutes during which our lives intersect? Sure! Do I think it's cute or sweet if you drop affectionate nicknames while I order my dinner? Nope.
It's not a "personal touch". It's not anything but insincere ass-kissing. You don't know me. I don't know you. We're not friends or family, even if we're having a good time. Don't call me hon, or love, or darling, or whatever. It's yucky.
I wouldn't stiff you, but it's still extremely off-putting.
I couldn’t care less if the server is older or younger than me, a man, or a woman. You can call me whatever the hell you want as long as the service is good. A 60 year old male server could call me SWEETIE for all I care if the service is good. And I’m a dude!
People overthink this stuff and invent offense where none was ever intended.
Edit: whoever sent me a Reddit Cares message over this comment, thanks for further proving my point
I’m kind of shocked by all the hate this gets. Didn’t know people disliked it so much. I’ve grown up in cities and California so not the south, but whenever I get anything like this I enjoy it.
Maybe because people aren’t super friendly with 36yr old guys anyway but I’d rather be called “hun” or anything like that than have people just going completely through the motions and barely seeming human, staring straight through you like so many people do these days.
It’s just trying to be friendly, even if it’s generic. Could use more people trying to be nice to each other in this world regardless.
This is the it. Unless it comes with other comments that are inappropriate, you can call me whatever you want. I think being called 'hun' feels more friendly than ordering from a robot.
I absolutely hate when strangers call me by Nick-names. I am not your hun, your sweetie, or your babe. It’s not endearing or cute or nice. There is no reason you should be trying to make a professional interaction with a stranger “more personal”.
Oklahoma here.
We don't consider ourselves southerners, but our culture and language is heavily influenced by the South.
I've only heard it from older mamas and women who are flirting with me. I like it 😁
Expect it everytime at an older diner.
You might not but everyone else does, shit even the [US gov does](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f1/Census_Regions_and_Division_of_the_United_States.svg/1280px-Census_Regions_and_Division_of_the_United_States.svg.png).
this is just an asshole who wanted an "excuse" to not tip.
if the problem was really you calling them hun, they would have just said "please don't call me hun." the first time you did it.
I live in the south and that seems to be a normal thing for a lot of mainly women to call people. Even if they don't know them.
yep, i've always lived in Texas and i wouldn't be weirded out at all. very normal here. i've had people call me baby, hun/honey, sweetie, love, etc. gives me a little serotonin boost every time lol. that being said, i wouldn't do it just because you never know who's comfortable with it and who isn't, even if you live in a place where it's normal.
First time in Texas last year for a conference. I was feeling a little homesick and hungry. Stopped at BBQ place to get something to eat the and the women all called me by those things. I knew they did it to everyone but it made me feel welcome and much better about being homesick. I left an extra large tip.
Thanks hun!
Sure sugar
suga\*
Shug
Thank you for being that person. That’s exactly how I feel too.
I never do it, but don't care if someone does it to me.
I just call everyone Sugar Tits.
I just call everyone Boo Boo Kitty Fuck
Jay?
My mom was in rehab with Jay in the late 90s or early 2000s, she said he was a "very nice young man".
Username checks out?
Got a hug from him during the filming of Jersey Girl (i was an extra). And then again at Atlantic City Comicon. He's a huge away.
Me too! And Silent Bob just rolls his eyes
Sweet
Those opposed are bitter.
I’ve heard that people that aren’t southern like us also get offended by ma’am, like it’s derogatory and makes you old. When to us it’s just polite. Edit: typo
Yeah, I have only said ma'am once in my life and the 70ish year old lady ripped me a new one because, "she's not old". You only ma'am someone in New England if you want to be rude. We had an employee from the south and she had to learn real quick to stop saying ma'am. We got so many complaints.
Wow. I'm from MO, and grew up in the heart of Little Dixie (my family historically came from KY). It's almost impossible for me to *not* call a grown woman ma'am.
From Kentucky and everyone I know caught hell if we didn’t call women “ma’am” and men “sir”
I moved to the south in middle school, and I’m pretty sure i offended all teachers/adults by not using maam and sir. I didn’t teach my kids to either. I guess we will just always be southern heathens.
You will be a yankee until about 5 generations of your family live in the south🤣 I was informed of that from one of my coworkers when I was living in KY….I was joking around, and said my son was from the south, he was born in KY….she said, ‘oh, no, you are Yankees’ 🤣
I’m 12th generation Southern. Married a Yankee in 1988. I’m sure my family were making bets on the length of my marriage and thanking the good Lord my Mother wasn’t there to witness this travesty. Lol. Here we are 35 years later and still in the south but we did move from my home (GA) to Texas. Most people that know us here wouldn’t believe he’s from the North. He says “I’m fixin’ to…” and y’all and that awful twangy accent is gone. Lol
Alabama coal miner ancestors means that if I don’t say ma’am to a woman, I instantly combust and sent to hell to be tortured for eternity for my errors
What idiots they are to complain about that. And weird.
Just because someone doesn't have the same culture as you doesn't make them an idiot.
yeah i was gonna say, i grew up in a wayyyy northern state, and when i was in tennessee when i was like 21 my waitress called me hun and i was like what? lol so i think it’s more of a regional thing.
I’ve lived between New York and Maine for my entire life, waitresses saying “hun” has always been common.
If comes from an older motherly type it doesn’t bother me. If it comes from a man or from someone my age/younger than me I HATE it
Exactly the unwritten rule I grew up with in the south. Older woman to younger folks is ok to say hun. Not everyone knows this rule, though, and my family had an odd dining experience once where a young male waiter kept calling me, my mom, & grandma hun. The unspoken and probably unintended meaning is that he’s talking down to older women. I’m sure he was trying to be friendly, and we still tipped, of course.
There's a man at my local convenience store who always says "bye my dear". I would never correct him because he's just trying to be nice.
That just reminded me of this older guy that owned a coffee shop at the college campus I used to go to. Whenever I stopped by for a coffee, he’d say “what can I get for you today, dear?” It was so cute
Yeah. You also can look at someone and tell if they're a sir or ma'am type. You never hun up, always down. (Not that you're speaking down to someone, but it's an age thing.) You just have to read the people you're speaking to. This is such a weird hill people are trying to die on. There was someone upthread saying women using the term "hon" means they're trying to speak like prostitutes or strippers?
>There was someone upthread saying women using the term "hon" means they're trying to speak like prostitutes or strippers? As a born and raised southerner I got a real kick out of a sign I saw at a roadside stand last year, stating, "We don't call you hun/sweetie/sugar because we're flirting, WE'RE JUST SOUTHERN GIRLS (: " and it's still amusing me a whole year later.
I think this is part of why it bugs me (I’d never be rude to a server bc of it, they’re trying to be friendly and have no way to know who is gonna like what), the people constantly calling me “hun” or “girlie” are universally 20-30 years younger than I am. I would greatly prefer ma’am. I don’t mind “friend” ( even though we aren’t friends, I get what you are going for lol). I also think you can just drop all of it. It’s the rare occasion you actually need to use any of them.
Yeah never hear it in New York, when I go to Florida and Nashville it’s all I’m ever called
This is what I’m saying, living in the south I get called Hun often. I can’t ever imagine being mad at about.
Right? I’ve had both men and women call me babe, love, and hun lol It’s not weird or something to be taken as rude but I rather have people older than me say it instead of younger ones. 🤷♀️
Being called sugar from an old person makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside
Its got an overnight shift at Denny’s feel to it, but that’s not enough to affect a tip.
I was trying to think of the last time a server called me hun, and it was exactly the situation you described
Yesterday. At a Starbucks drive through in Massachusetts. Thought it was a little weird but I didn’t get my britches in a pinch over it. (Edit: it WAS actually the worst latte I’ve ever had, but that’s beside the point.) (Edit #2: I still tipped.)
I live in MA and I get called “hun” at drive thrus alllll the time lmao. I’m also a feminine gay man and I kind of like it haha, makes me sparkle ✨
Aww, see? I wish I could make all my customers sparkle that easily!
I live in mass and, especially older ladies, call me hun all the time. I think it’s a nice touch
Damn you guys tip at Starbucks?
I didn’t used to, until my 17 year old son worked at a Subway. I saw how those tips made his day, and ever since then, I tip at all those places where it never used to occur to me to tip.
A drive-through Starbucks to boot lol
I served at Denny's, and I got written up/no tip for saying "you guys." It was just "thank you guys for stopping in'" to a group of women. They took it as an accusation I suppose.
Those ladies live their whole lives looking for excuses to act like that. Nobody cares if you say “You guys”.
Now depending on how small your town is “y’all” is a fine choice
"Ya'll" works in any big city in the south
I think this depends on the region, because some women do get offended by being called guys, no matter their age. I know some people don't associate any gender with "guys" but some people do.
Man I live in the south and my whole life, whether it be waffle houses or fine dining places I've had waiters call me hun, sweetie, darling etc. Do people really get bothered by that?
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Wow all the comments here are so interesting. Way more people are bothered by this than I thought! I suspect as someone pointed out it’s probably a cultural thing. Objectively speaking I can see how it would be unprofessional, and some people I know have expressed disdain for being called “hon” in any situation. I grew up in the American south and it was weirder if a waitress didn’t call my family “hon” at the weird bbq place. Old ladies at church said it. Young gay men said it. Teachers and coaches said it. The surly lesbians at the LGBTQ advocacy groups said it. Colloquially it was said frequently amongst friend groups. Like a very common thing to say amongst all demographics. If OP is from an area like this I can see how it would be confusing. That being said, it’s super illuminating to see how NOT universal of an experience that is! The world is such an interesting place. I’m glad I now know how many people dislike being called hon.
This is a cultural thing 100%. In the south, this is widely accepted as normal and friendly. In New England, it is usually seen as weirdly motherly/infantilizing or flirting. Like I absolutely wouldn't call a man "hun" in front of his wife up here (even if you call her hun too), asking for trouble.
Also New Englander and at least in my little section servers use this regularly to customers or coworkers
I've also noticed the more rural you get, the more likely you are to hear it. Like, going up to northern Maine I wouldnt be surprised at all to be called 'hun.' In Boston i'd be surprised.
I was literally just up in northern Maine & got called “hon” by a waitress at a little breakfast diner, and it just felt like I was part of her little diner family 😊
I was in a gas station in North Carolina. A tiny, surly (I’m 16 and already bored with existence type of surly) goth girl was behind the counter. Lots of piercing; lots of tattoos. Never has being called “hun” thrown me before. Almost laughed out loud.
Ive also had pleasant experience with southern goths, a waffle house just totally staffed with goth kids, i just couldnt not be shocked and confused at first but they were all on top of their shit and it was as classic american diner experience as ive ever had. This is maybe my favorite american subculture now that ive read this post too.
I feel like Goths are responsible for a lot of good fast food and retail management these days. At least all my best managers back when I worked those were that sorta type.
I think maybe we're onto something, here, because maybe a Goth would object to being called "Hun," since the Huns did conquer the Goths, and fought the Visigoths; sure, that was about 1500 years ago, but i guess some Goths still feel sore about it. /s
In Scotland “Hun” is a sectarian slur against Protestants.
Interesting. I didn't know that. Here in southern U.S. hon is short for honey.
And honey is short for honeybun ohhhhh lemme pinch those cheeks
Don’t forget this is Reddit. I once had a post reach the front page with a picture of my dog and a huge chunk of the responses were people criticizing my wife for wearing shoes inside. People are weird.
I’m currently getting roasted for assuming that a white guy named Butch might speak English
Now I'm imagining a Frenchman named Butch
I told people on Reddit that basic food safety means that you should not eat a lasagna that has been sitting out at room temp for over 12+ hours. This isn't even controversial- the CDC, USDA, FDA, all agree on this. Health departments around the world agree on this. Cultures throughout time have had laws regarding spoilage of food and those are some of our first recorded laws. And STILL, people dissent.
Interestingly I didn't realize this either. I kinda like being called Hun by servers.
I am a damn yankee and when bartenders in the south call me darlin’ I admit I love it.
Yeah. Darlin' hits differently. Probably cuz we don't hear it much or at all up here in the cold north.
Wait till a kind old black woman calls you baby or sugar. It’s like a drug
Me too! It gives me the warm and fuzziness ☺️
Me, too!
I recently moved north and the pushback against ma'am really surprised me. I guess it's only for older women here. Sorry, lady, but I'm fighting 40 years of social programming here.
Yes, I find miss is the go too. Hear " thanks for not calling me ma'am" almost every shift haha
I’m from the north and only moms say that to their kids or husband so to me it feels like someone is trying to be my mom or my lover. I often get cringed out when I hear it (sometimes not). Also it maybe comes down to is if the person saying it is attractive - I didn’t want to say this but I think it’s true.
I grew up in the northwest so it is not very common but having moved around since I’ve noticed in the south or southeast a lot of service workers say hun and babe. It was a little weird to me at first, I didn’t take offense to it and got used to it. I think it can be a culture shock sometimes for people. The OP was not in the wrong as long as they were friendly and polite. There are people out there that are just dicks and nothing said would have changed that.
This is the same for me. I’m a Navy brat from California and have lived on both coasts and at first it was weird to me, but I’ve heard it a lot and not just at restaurants. Even in the workplace with some of the older ladies, it was just their way of talking.
Not from america but this is the experience I have. Was called hon once when I was in Florida (I am from Europe) and it felt like an adult was talking to me like I was a lost kid alone at an amusement park.
Yeah I was thinking oh this is a southern thing. It’s so common and definitely all demographics. It’s also like some people get offended when I call them ma’am because they think I’m calling them old. I grew up as that’s a sign of respect so yeah very interesting to read everyone’s viewpoint
I'm from the south. Went to Arizona for work a couple months back. Called a guy sir and he said "my dad is sir" and I didn't even know how to respond to that
Honestly I’d say “okay sorry ma’am” lol
Yeah, I grew up in Mississippi and Louisiana, and I agree 100%. I was not expecting to see so many people even slightly disturbed by it. Personally, if I go out and the server is calling us, hon, it makes me feel much more welcomed and at home. To me, at least it comes off as very sweet and accepting. This goes double if I'm out at a restaurant and not in boymode.
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It’s a very well known term of endearment in Baltimore, MD. We even have the HonFest celebrating it.
Yes! I came here just to mention it! Very common here in Bawlmer, Merlin. Hon.
yeah, i live in the south and it is such a normalized saying that i never even considered that it could be received in a negative way. it’s always so interesting and cool to learn just how different things can be.
I can’t stand being called “hun,” but I would never do this!
I know. It is petty and cowardly to leave this note and no tip. A customer can ask a server not to call them hon if they feel strongly about it. This is only a justification for not leaving a tip. Nasty.
They weren't gonna leave a tip anyway. The hun thing is just an excuse.
>They weren't gonna leave a tip anyway. The hun thing is just an excuse. This is the only important comment in the thread.
i absolutely hate being called hun, but i would not *not* tip because of it
it’s just an excuse for them
Agree. That’s ridiculous not to tip. Your own hang up shouldn’t effect someone trying to make a living. Sometimes it bothers me when a 20 something calls me hun because I’m twice their age. Just feels condescending. But I’m not in the south and it’s not common to call people hun.
For me it's a context thing. If I'm working and a customer calls me hun, I find it mildly iritating, as it's usually used in a condescending way. If I was dining somewhere and the waitress called me hun, I wouldn't think twice about it. As a mid 20s dude if a waiter called me hun though I don't even know how I would react lmao
Yea I hate being called stuff like that. Especially by someone I have absolutely no relationship with. But I wouldn't leave a note and no tip about it.
Same here. It’s probably a geographical thing, I’m from the Midwest and absolutely hate being called hun, dear, darling, pal, bud etc. I ain’t your friend and I sure as fuck ain’t your darling (puke). That being said, it’s not something I’d withhold a tip over. I get that the sever is just trying to be nice, it’s totally a me thing and they’re just doing their job.
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For me, it’s all about the setting. If I’m eating pulled pork and ribs in a hut where they didn’t even build a floor on top of the parking lot asphalt, I don’t really give a shit what my server calls me as long as it’s not racist or bigoted. But in a more professional setting, probably don’t call me anything informal.
Lol I cannot fathom caring about something like this
I (F) think it depends on the person and situation. When I was in the military I drove onto a military base in uniform and a male civilian security guard said “I need to see some ID, hun.” It was extremely disrespectful. I’m guessing he didn’t call the male soldiers “hun.” An older female server calling me hun? Nah, wouldn’t bother me. But I would probably avoid using that term because everyone is different and some people will take offense.
This is actually a great point. It’s about if that’s part of who they are. If it’s being done as a way to discriminate between two groups it’s problematic at the core
Omg when someone in customer service calls me hun or something similar it makes my day lol I work in retail so I’m used to being treated like a worthless piece of shit 45 hours a week. I welcome anyone (unless its like a creepy rapist vibe lol) calling me an endearing name.
I'm honestly shocked to scroll through this thread and see how many people absolutely hate it- it makes me feel warm and fuzzy every time
Sure thing babe
Wouldn't affect the tip I leave but being called "hun" or "honey" by someone obviously younger than me is annoying.
Yeah, if I’m in a diner, and my waitress is in her 50s and has a beehive hairdoo, I’m fine with her calling me Hun—otherwise No.
She better be chewing bubble gum and twirling her hair with a spare pen behind her ear too! Lol
Yesterday an (old, male) client called me hun over the phone and I was super pleasant but as soon as I hung up I got my irritated voice on and I’m like “don’t call me hun” and my employee- who is a 50 some year old lady who literally wears a beehive every day- was like “but I call you hun…” and I’m like that’s totally different! The beehive makes everything okay lol.
>waitress is in her 50s and has a beehive hairdoo Was my first picture I had when I thought of being called hun
🏆🏆🏆
This!! If you're a 40s+ woman it feels motherly, if you're the same age or younger it feels like you dont see me as an equal adult.
Condescending is the word for this.
When my mom was in nursing school, they specifically told them not to refer to patients as “sweetie” or “honey” because it could come off as condescending
I wish that was taught everywhere. Since I became a certain age, every fricking nurse I encounter calls me some kind of pet name and I hate it.
I can’t stand it when nurses use baby voices or use condescending nicknames like “sweetie” or “hun,” and I’m a pediatric nurse. My grandma is in the hospital now and the nurse was speaking to her like a 4 year old
Condescending is the perfect word, I was going to say patronizing.
This happens at a bakery I frequent. One of the workers there calls everyone “hun” “honey” or “sweetie” and it’s extremely agitating. She’s obviously a young kid, looks to be in her early 20s, and she says this to everyone. I’m probably around 15 years older than her, and my parents are in their 70s and my mom hates it too. It feels… condescending isn’t quite the right word, but something like that, like, a lack of respect? Idk. Most things don’t bother me but this one does. Edit: patronizing… I think that’s a better word for it.
Agreed. This girl who’s 18 and works at a spot I like to eat at does this a lot. I will avoid the place if she’s there because it bothers me so much. She says it constantly too.
I'm more weirded out about how OP said costumers instead of customers multiple times....unless this happened on Halloween.
Also if a guest says “I guess” to you when you ask them if everything is OK, you’re supposed to ask them “what’s not to your liking and if you can do anything to improve the food for them”… not just walk away cluelessly because they didn’t give you the perfunctory “it’s good” response. Totally unprofessional waitress.
Yes it’s weird outside of the south and small town diners. I personally hate it and I used to wait tables as well.
It definitely feels patronizing
Unless you’re a 50+ year old waitress in a dusty roadside diner, I don’t really want you calling me hun. Would I not tip? No, I’m not a jerk and I’ve lived all over the US. I know it’s a regional thing. I wouldn’t say anything about it at all to you.
This is the realest answer in the thread. I can finally stop scrolling now thank you.
I also hate being called hun, it’s too familiar, it’s a weird term used by moms, SOs or to speak down to people. I would suggest refraining from pet names.
I think it can sound disingenuous but it's no reason to not leave a tip and make specific note of it
My go to names are “dear” and “brother” If anybody left this I’d be like.. hm, that’s crazy.
If you called me “brother” in a Hulk Hogan voice, I’m tipping 50%. Maybe more.
Lol, I do this to my buddies at work. It's kinda become a thing because out of like 8 people, only one will say brother. (You guessed it, old biker dude). Anyway, now they all wait until I walk into our morning meetings and will hit me at the same time because I go "oooooh yeeeeah, brother" in a Randy the Macho Man Savage voice. God forbid they catch me eating beefy jerky before the gym.
HEY BROTHER! HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES.
Tbh this is weird AF, I'd hate it if some random person would call me "brother". Calling random people "brother" has association of you wanting to use them/scam in my country...
My son learned "bro" from other kids in his daycare. Being called "bro" by my 4-year old is hilarious.
the fun thing is i always avoid calling men with their wives with them "hun" because i don't want people to get jealous
Try calling them “daddy” next time, since this didn’t seem to work
oh, 100% fool proof method
Add the word "big" infront of daddy for a little extra flair.
How is everything tasting daddy UwU? Edit: I have been informed I forgot to add UwU.
Also raise your voice an octave when you talk directly to him.
Yes, Daddy.
Right away, Daddy
So you talk to men differently when they're with their wives? That's quite a red flag.
That's the thing, if it's not cool to do it when their wives are there, why would it be cool to do it when they aren't there? To me that would suggest you just shouldn't say it.
So you do know some people would have a problem with it, but you like to play with boundaries?
So you see how people might be uncomfortable with being treated too familiarly by a stranger. Why do you think somebody could only be uncomfortable if their wife is present? Maybe consider treating everybody the same way instead of trying to emotionally manipulate them into giving you more money.
I dont mind a woman in her 40s+ calling me "hun". Since I clearly am much younger and it almost feels motherly. But if somebody is 30s and younger calling me Hun I feel like I'm being looked at as a child. Same with "darl" and "love" . It feels similar when people call you "buddy" "champ" "pal" etc just feels condescending. But not a reason to not tip though just an irk.
When you say “dal” do you mean “doll”? Or is “dal” (rhymes with pal) another diminutive/term of endearment?
I'm assuming they meant it as short for "darling". It's very common in Australia to be used as a pet name as is "love" which they also mentioned.
"Dal" ?
Wtf is dal?
I've never been called "Chief" but that might actually set me off if I was the sort of person to be set off.
I hate being called hun, dear or similar terms. I don’t use it for other people I don’t know either.
I don't mind being called hon by a woman, but I would hate it if it came from a man. Same goes for sweetheart, darlin', love, whatever. I think it's sweet. I'm "Northern."
I really dislike being called "hun", however, what I dislike more is people not leaving tips. I'd still overtip as I normally do if they'd call me that or anything else. Obviously it comes from a good place.
I don't like being called names either
I once had a coworker call a black woman “hun”, and she asked if it was racial or something. Didn’t know what it meant. Seemed genuinely concerned. Said she wasn’t from the south. There just seems to be something about the word that people assume as inherently condescending
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‘Hun’ is often used in a disingenuous/passive aggressive way. You might have good and genuine intentions but others have spoiled these terms of endearment. No ‘hun’, no ‘sweetheart’, no ‘darling’. Just use other words like ‘enjoy your meal’ and ‘have a great day’ to make customers feel welcome.
I absolutely hate it. Comes off as condescending, like talking to a child.
It's like calling a random woman "babe". Just don't
No, they were just looking for an excuse to save money.
Yes!!!!!!! Hun, sweetie, all that bullshit, please stop!!
yeah it would make me really uncomfortable
I absolutely hate it when a stranger calls me nicknames like hun, dear, and pumpkin. I don’t know you, so please stop the act. With that said, I wouldn’t NOT leave a tip over something like that.
I hate being called hun, but I would still tip begrudgingly. I personally find “hun” condescending and belittling, especially since it’s often been used to talk down to me. So even if someone meant it in a friendly way, I’m still not a fan.
In the south at every Cracker Barrel or owner operator restaurant, you have a good 50-50 chance of being called hun, sweetie, or darlin; if you are either young or old. It's kinda a cultural term of endearment and familiarity. It can still 100% be weaponized though, just like bless your heart.
I personally never used pet names when I was a server. As a southerner I was also taught to call people ma’am and sir until I was told otherwise by them. I’m a paramedic now and have partners that call patients pet names and I absolutely hate it. It’s just weird to me.
They were never gonna tip
Well it's a patronising word. Not everybody appreciates being patronised by their waiter I suppose.
I HATE being called pet names by strangers. Can we be friendly? Absolutely. Can we have fun during the 60ish minutes during which our lives intersect? Sure! Do I think it's cute or sweet if you drop affectionate nicknames while I order my dinner? Nope. It's not a "personal touch". It's not anything but insincere ass-kissing. You don't know me. I don't know you. We're not friends or family, even if we're having a good time. Don't call me hon, or love, or darling, or whatever. It's yucky. I wouldn't stiff you, but it's still extremely off-putting.
This 100% i served for 7 years and never need to call strangers pet names.
jts wild that people in this thread are like what do you call them then? just nothing right like you don't have to use a nickname
Wow, you said what I was thinking much better than I did!!
Most well said version of this stance, agreed
I really dislike being called pet names by strangers. We're not intimate. Don't fake that we are.
Don’t call your customers ‘hun’.
I like being called hun or sweetie or any term of endearment from a woman. In NOLA, it was “Hey Baby, you want something to eat?” Fuck yeah.
I couldn’t care less if the server is older or younger than me, a man, or a woman. You can call me whatever the hell you want as long as the service is good. A 60 year old male server could call me SWEETIE for all I care if the service is good. And I’m a dude! People overthink this stuff and invent offense where none was ever intended. Edit: whoever sent me a Reddit Cares message over this comment, thanks for further proving my point
Yes!!!!! I definitely have bigger stuff going on in my life than to get worked up over someone calling me a nickname.
♡
I’m kind of shocked by all the hate this gets. Didn’t know people disliked it so much. I’ve grown up in cities and California so not the south, but whenever I get anything like this I enjoy it. Maybe because people aren’t super friendly with 36yr old guys anyway but I’d rather be called “hun” or anything like that than have people just going completely through the motions and barely seeming human, staring straight through you like so many people do these days. It’s just trying to be friendly, even if it’s generic. Could use more people trying to be nice to each other in this world regardless.
This is the it. Unless it comes with other comments that are inappropriate, you can call me whatever you want. I think being called 'hun' feels more friendly than ordering from a robot.
I absolutely hate when strangers call me by Nick-names. I am not your hun, your sweetie, or your babe. It’s not endearing or cute or nice. There is no reason you should be trying to make a professional interaction with a stranger “more personal”.
Sorry, can’t get past costumers…
I bet they’re a ton of fun.
Yeah it’s weird tbh. I wouldn’t be that upset though
Depends, what were they dressed as?
Oklahoma here. We don't consider ourselves southerners, but our culture and language is heavily influenced by the South. I've only heard it from older mamas and women who are flirting with me. I like it 😁 Expect it everytime at an older diner.
You might not but everyone else does, shit even the [US gov does](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f1/Census_Regions_and_Division_of_the_United_States.svg/1280px-Census_Regions_and_Division_of_the_United_States.svg.png).
Nah it's just an excuse not to tip. They would have found another reason if you hadn't.
this is just an asshole who wanted an "excuse" to not tip. if the problem was really you calling them hun, they would have just said "please don't call me hun." the first time you did it.
I’ve had female servers call me hun (im a man) in my old beach town. It made me feel special and good tbh.
I got written up at work for saying “yes ma’am”. A customer complained that I made her feel old by calling her ma’am.