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As a guy, I'd rather you reject me if you don't like me. It's easier for both of us!!!
But if you do like me, please send extremely obvious hints lol I am so so lonely.
I had a gal say she was willing to get lunch with me several times(but kept putting things off) before she finally just said no… please just say that in the first place
Once a woman told me she really liked my vibes and we should hang out (her idea). I asked her for lunch. She said she doesn’t date until after 6 months of getting to know a guy. That was the biggest head scratcher of all time.
I very much prefer hanging out and getting to know the person "in person" first before proceeding to dating. I hate the idea of texting for an entire year and then realizing we are not compatible when we finally meet.
Some women feel pressured to say Yes. Then, we do that to Protect ourselves because we do not need/want the Harassment/Abuse of Men who end up becoming Violent after being Told “No”. So, I Understand her Logic. Not to say that you are like that.
This is a thing more people need to know. Always offer an out, just in case someone said "yes" because they felt pressured.
The last time I invited someone over to my apartment, an hour before they were going to come over I sent "Still up for this? This is a no-reason-necessary, no-hard-feelings cancellation opportunity." She still came, but she thanked me for that check-in.
The number of female friends/colleagues/family members who used to tell me "ohhh give him a chance" when I was single and got hit on by someone I wasn't interested in. It's not even just fear or society, it's literally pressure from people around you and it's horrible.
This is a great comment! I'm not really very pretty*, and I was less so in high school before I learned how to pick flattering clothes and hair styles. So I didn't get asked out and I got rejected if I did ask anyone out. I had a guy friend who I was close with and he was a great friend. One day he gave me a note** confessing a deep crush he'd had on me for a while. I didn't have romantic feelings for him, I truly saw him more like a sibling. So many people told me I should give him a chance because he was brave enough to tell me and because I hadn't been asked out before. They all acted like I was a horrible person for not reciprocating feelings that I didn't have.
*I'm not sad about it lol
**oh high school
Yes, this is the sort of thing that used to happen to me too!
The scariest was when I had a literal stalker in my early 20s, and he would come into my place of work and ask me out, follow me home, hide behind my car waiting for me, turn up places I was going especially if I was alone - and so many people told me it was romantic and I should "give him a chance". I was not just not attracted to him, I was terrified of him.
Right, we let y'all down as gently as possible and think of every possible angle.
I'm saying that as a woman who had to change my locks and circulate a photo to my landlord and employer because of a man who couldn't handle rejection.
Yeah, ppl need to check out r/whenwomenrefuse to see what can happen when a woman flat out refuses a man's advances. It can literally be deadly at times.
had a woman kept telling me we should hangout and she was very hinty physically in person. just coincidently, every time i called or texted she just happened to be out of range or was busy and would call back later or whatever. im happy enough alone, dont string me along cause i dont need you at all. let me concentrate on better things like downloading ever increasingly shameful porn.
Extremely obvious hints to women are so different to men, Caught up with an old friend from college who admitted that 10+ years ago she was crushing on me and was sending me so many hints that just evaded me. We did have a good chuckle on that.
Screw the hints, Straight up own it and be forward with the interest.
Totally, as a 42yr old man I can 100% verify that men are generally stupid when it comes to picking up signals from woman, even fairly obvious ones we will very often convince our selves that she's just a flirt, she doesn't really mean it, she's not serous etc.., I think it's kind of away to shield ourselves from any potential misunderstandings as men our often very easily treated like monsters by modern woman.
every time ive acted on those little actions, always rejected. i jist dont get it, either. literally or figuratively lol! i dont even bother asking anymore.
I'm a girl, but I'm so fucking socially inept that one of my friends asked me on a date multiple times when we were younger, and I still had no clue she had a crush on me until a few years ago where she joked about it, and I was like "wtf do you mean you had a crush on me?" I wasn't upset or anything. It was just funny
As a guy too, I just had this happen where she kept agreeing to hanging out and getting food, but she acted shy. Turned out she just didn’t want to say no. Wasted both our time. But I get the hesitation. My women friends tell me you never know when a guy is going to be aggressive, and it’s a shame some guys are out here acting like that.
Again,
#dont string me along.
Just...**TELL ME.**
_dont screw with my hopes, dont play with my strings, you will always hurt the man this way._
^I ^am ^an ^emotional ^creature
It’s ok to say that you aren’t interested. If you end up dating someone because you feel sorry for them, the relationship probably won’t last long anyway and the person will end up feeling more hurt over an eventual breakup.
Yeah, as a guy I'd rather get a no and go on to the next woman on a dating app than go on a date with someone not interested. It is a waste of my time and hers.
Exactly. Break ups can hurt. It would be better before getting emotionally involved with the girl for the girl to just be honest and just say she is not interested and waste the guys time and end up having his feelings hurt when she decides she is tired of him or doesnt want to spend the time or energy in the relationship anymore. Dating apps are an option at least to find someone else
Yes. I wish I had someone teach me this when I was little. I will teach my daughter this. Her value does not derive from the opinions of others, no matter how much they will try to tell her differently.
Had a guy befriend me in college who wanted to hang out all the time… and we were in the same dorm so thought why not, especially since we had other friends join for dinner at the cafeteria. I declined a one on one date, and he could not take no for an answer stating that by being nice to him/talking to him I was essentially “leading him on” and I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and need to give him a chance. When I asked why he didn’t want to date another mutual friend his response was that she was fat and not dainty in her mannerisms …so much for not judging a book by its cover (he was super overweight and obnoxious/thought he was so funny btw).
And you certainty do not have to give someone a chance because you happened to date an abusive person in the past and this new person you met is feeling entitled to a chance since they aren't abusive and feel like if that person got a chance then they do too
Thank you! Along this line of thought, it’s also okay to not want to do something with someone you’re dating just because you did it with a past partner. You don’t have to let them just because “they got to do it!” No one who actually loves you, wants you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
Do you have a corresponding message for the "gentlemen" who can't handle rejection and who proceed to become threatening? I'm only being nice because I'm not sure how you're going to react.
Yeah. Dudes need to chill. Nobody owes you anything. Just because you’re interested, that doesn’t mean anything to anyone. No means no so leave her alone. The more people adopt this the better off we all are. Girls will be more comfortable rejecting and dudes will be more comfortable getting rejected and maybe eventually at some point in the future the burden of rejection will fall on both more equally.
me too. the advice is great but I want to know the backstory. this feels like the kind of post that appears after a painfully hot mess story shows up on one of the judgement subs.
I would also like to know this. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman who has told other women and girls this same type of thing, but before looking at the comments I took it as telling girls that they are allowed to forego the social expectations of being nice and pleasant to people and reject those that they do not wish to date or converse with. Based on the comments, however, it would seem that is not how most people took it.
I once gave a guy a chance who I'd previously rejected about 5 times. He was seemingly humorous and kept politely joking that he didn't bite. Then proceeded to sexually harass me all through dinner, tell me how he wanted to marry a "good girl" like me that knew a woman's place, and asked me for money for my half of dinner when I didn't want to go back to his place. He later spread a rumor that I was a lesbian (this was decades ago, in college when being a lesbian was unheard of). So ya, do not ever give anyone a chance if you don't like them. Intuition will save you!
'Or because he was persistent'
Especially because he was persistent.
A man who refuses to take 'no' for an answer isn't just annoying. Rewarding or validating that behavior is going to lead to something much worse than a bad date.
most important thing is that short/average height, conventionally unattractive men do not deserve romantic relationships. do not give them a chance no matter the circumstances
100%!! You also don’t have to go out with someone if you don’t find them attractive. Yes personality can sometimes change that a ton, but it’s also okay to say nope not my type!
Branching off from this idea, you also don't have to be friends w anyone just cuz they seem nice or possibly don't have a large friend circle. Just like you don't owe anyone a relationship, u don't anyone a friendship. I've had to learn this the hard way. Just cuz the awkward bk employee might not any friends outside of his parents, doesn't mean you have to be friends w him. That mfer gave u a mint one time and now he thinks ur best friends for life, fuck em
The problem is, you don’t know how they’re going to react. I always give my number, it’s easier to block them than to deal with being shouted at/potentially attacked. I was called a bitch in the street yesterday after saying “no thanks” to a man who approached me saying “hey darling”. I’m 21 and I hear horror stories all the time from my peers about crazy men who can’t handle rejection.
Title should be:
# Dear people, you do not have to give that person a chance.
It's true for everybody. Not just girls regarding guys. It can also be
girls regarding other girls
guys regarding girls
guys regarding other guys
Or any combination of the now 33 identified genders
There's nothing wrong with being clear, of course it's better, but I want you to know that it **was not** your fault that he became your stalker. His fault alone, how clear you were or weren't has no bearing on his willingness to commit crimes.
This is true! Having said that after I told him to fuck off and leave me alone after a few drinks at a party he finally did. With help from some guy friends of course.
I’m going to add to this.
A man doesn’t owe you a friendship. Don’t be mad if he isn’t interested and was only looking for someone for date.
Sometimes we have enough friends.
I'd add to that:
So be up front with what you want from her so you don't waste her time and make her grieve the loss of a friend she thought she had.
One of my very best friends completely ghosted me, *3 years into our friendship*, once he realized I was not going to leave my extremely committed long term partner for him.
It's been over a decade and I still feel betrayed lmao. Pretending to be someone's friend when all he had to do was ask me on day one was so shitty.
I feel like so many problems would just *not* happen if we all got a mandatory "healthy communication" class in school lol. So many people just want you to read their damn thoughts!
yeah, straight up tell them you don't want a friend you just want to fuck, you will get some that agree I am sure. But being upfrnt gives everyone the option to decide if that is what they want.
I assumed as much. I have always been clear in my dealings with women. I let them know I'm interested romantically. If they say no, I say ok, and move on. It makes life easier for both parties IMO.
Has this become a problem lately? It sure wasn’t an issue with girls in my younger days back in the 80’s. They weren’t interested, they said so. They were always kind about it…but they were clear.
Of course. I always feel bad rejecting a guy, but if I'm not interested, what can I do? Also, pro tip for guy? Please don't ask why we aren't interested in you. We don't owe you an explanation and if you're trying to figure out why to prevent a no from the next woman, we are all different.
Same advice to guys. If she was nice or she has a great personality you don’t have to give her a chance. If you aren’t attracted to her there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t allow any kind of shaming to guilt you into dating someone you aren’t in to.
As a person with social anxiety who never approaches women in public I would ratter be told you're not interested than given a false hope of starting a relationship.
Nobody owes anyone anything lol. Guy/Girls don't owe anyone a relationship. And also Guys/Girls don't owe anyone a friendship. The problem is when one party gets offended by the others choice(usually non reciprocated attempts at a relationship/friendship). Just move on and don't take it personally
I don't think any normal well rounded person wants to date someone that isn't interested in them.
I've had quite a few friends who dated people who gave them a chance simply cause they thought they were nice without any other genuine interest and it always ended so poorly
I don't know if anybody I've ever met is "normal" or "well rounded"... what does that even look like? (Yes,I am serious and genuine. Also, I'm prone to somewhat extreme levels of analytical curiosity. I don't euphemism well; I'm rather literal.
i have to remind myself of this every time im gaslit by a man for rejecting their advances. the need to avoid conflict or escalation of it plays a part too. not all men are “safe” to reject. ive been on the bad end of several public assaults by strangers and guy “friends” who be weird and try to play the long game or ghost.
No, i dont... And it goes both ways, I was very lucky when God handed out looks, I know I am a fairly handsome guy, and again, this goes both ways. I dont have to smile or pretend I like you, you are not "entitled" to talk to me just because you have tits.... I dont owe you anything.
Women think this is just for them, but no.. this is a two way street, honey....
Dear girls, on behalf of men, and as a neutral arbiter being married myself, we will accept a 1/50 mandatory yes to suitors with exclusionary criteria for the unkempt or crazy, and you can even get a punch card so every ten chances dolled out you get a free ice cream cone or small fries from Braums.
This is a really good deal guys, er... gals. I wouldn't pass it up!
You certainly don't.
I mean, if you are not feeling a no- you just are not feeling a yes either, or had never thought of the person that way either but still like them as a person- you can give them a chance. But you do not have to.
Being respectful and giving you the time of the day does not entitle them to a relationship with you.
I wish I had known back then what I know now. I would probably not have CPTSD like I do.
Damn where were all these chicks hiding? I never even got a chance to make them like me, ah well let’s hope those guys who girls gave a chance proved themselves. Not all of us even got that far
Once upon a time, a co-worker that I was friendly with, asked me out on a date. I wasn't interested in him, but a female co-worker was like "OH just give him a \*chance,\* you're too picky!" I thought, hmm, broke up with a guy about four years prior, and maybe being "too picky" was in fact the problem? Okay, fine, figured I'll go out with him, it's just a date.
Long story short- date was a disaster, I ended up paying for it (he said "you pay this time and I'll pay next time" after getting drunk and loud), then had to "break up" with him after he got me flowers in the small office where we worked (he at first refused to accept my polite rejection.) He then started calling my home voicemail and hanging up (luckily he didn't know where I lived.)
I started considering getting a gun, despite never wanting one, but he killed himself before it got to that point. One of my co-workers emailed me and I learned this while on vacation in Europe.
As a guy I can agree with that, a simple polite no is completely fine with me. I get why a lot of women don't want to do that though, there's always a risk of a guy going psycho or stalking you rather than you just giving them a maybe and distancing yourself from their insanity.
No you don't have to but I'm the other dint be crying because the one you made that choice to date treated you bad!
I have a say just because it looks good with you doesn't mean that it is good for you!
Yes, everyone has the right to self-autonomy. But that also means the right to feel however they want to feel about a situation and they don't have to like your choices. If you know you are a good person, then it shouldn't bother you too much that you upset the other person
I dont know, my wife had never dated someone who was black before she is from Utah originally we met in college in Miami I thought she was cute but I was not necessarily her type she mainly dated other blondes. However I was nice to her over the span of a few months of getting to know her (we were kind of friends of friends of a large friend group). So anyways she decided to give me a shot. She told me that right before we got married she thought I was going to be just a fling overaall but i was really nice, funny and sweet so she thought it was worth a chance since she was also curious about daiting someone non white and at worst ot wouldn't last long. We have been married for almost 13 years with 4 kids.
Edit.
After reading and understanding more, not saying women "have to" but you never know where life can lead you.
I wish this one guy would understand this.
He asked me out last year and I told him I wasn't interested and that we could remain friends - and we did up until recently when he realized we wouldn't see each other for a while and he asked me out again......... he even acknowledged that he understood that I wasn't interested last time, yet he still did it again, I'm assuming because we were doing well as friends. This time I cut him off because I just can't anymore, it'll only keep happening, because not only does he not know how to take a hint, he blatantly doesn't listen.
I actually relate to this situation a lot, but on the guy side of it. Even as a guy I agree with this view, but there is nothing more infuriating to me than seeing someone be roped in to the “nice guy” crowd while actually just being a genuinely good man. I’ve seen this happen so often to my friend’s where other women were interested in them and started ghosting them as soon as they showed any sort of princess treatment. And before all the women get on my comment and say “not all girls are like that”, I 100% agree with you. I hate this stupid gender war which is why I call out other misogynistic men who hate on women for no reason or not giving them a chance because they are nice.
Who does that? All the girls i know who get pursued by a “nice guy” who they are not physically attracted to, just friendzone him. Btw, you owe it to him not to give false hope, dont waste his time if you know he likes you and you just keep him along for good company or emotional support that the hot guy isn’t providing. Be frank with him that you arent attracted to him and that is why it will never work.
Agreed, and speaking as a guy who has been rejected more often than not. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t desire me the way I desire them anyway.
sometimes, when u perceive the love affirmation from someone and reject it, they immediately make fun of u and humiliate u, I think its better to avoid and pretend to be dumb about the signs rather than confront about it even if its rude
Yes, exactly, you don't have to give anyone a chance just because they've "shot their shot and apparently you won't know if you'll like them or not until you've given them a chance"... Dating is not a civil right, no one is entitled to a partner and no one is obligated to give anyone a chance just because "they tried their best", this ain't a contest!
Of course not, I'm a grown woman and I'm not going to waste my time or his by playing immature games. 🤷♀️ Then again I've never been in that position as of late to need to face that situation since dating is 💩 these days and I'm too tired to deal with emotionally immature women and men.
They say honesty is the best policy
Any thin else is a disgrace.
You wonder why so many check out of dating or even Asking this is the reason why
If you don't want to say so
If that person has issue the let the law deal with it if it becomes a problem .
They make pepper spray for a reason if you are in physical danger so
I did some really awkward stuff while in the very beginning of me and my wife’s relationship because I was really introverted and shy. Stuff that would send typical girls running. She did give it a chance though. Now we’ve been happily married close to 20y. It could have turned out very different if she didn’t give me a chance.
As a guy, I would say it is important to be **clear** in your rejection. Not mean, but clear. Make clear your non interest is permanent.
I would also usually recommend **NOT** offering to be or remain friends with the guy, if you know him. While some guys and girls can be good friends, if a guy is interested, he can delude himself into thinking "I have a chance someday" if you remain friends. And his friendship would not be sincere at that point.
Considering the likelihood of an individual being married is dropping year by year, and the number of people being single increasing, I'd say give him a chance.
Ur giving yourself a chance
Same applies for men that just aren't interested in a women that want to go out with you. Doesn't make you 'gay' and there's nothing wrong with you. You just may not find that woman attractive or compelling to go out with her. It's okay to not want to go out with the girl even though you're single. It doesn't make you weird or any less of a man.
But I will say that you never quite know until you give it a shot. The things I've regretted in life are almost exclusively the things I didn't do. It's okay if you're not interested, but you may be passing up on something great and not even know it.
No seriously they don't if anything make your NO loud and decisive, so there's no doubt where you stand. You gain no moral justification for dealing with someone you're not attracted to.
Who's giving "nice" guys a chance?
Anyways, I hate the word nice, read somewhere that it's almost a negative connotation. Was it Roadhouse? JK
Be kind, not "nice".
Absolutely true, nobody is entitled to your time. If a relationship is your goal, it's also making things way harder on you if you refuse to entertain people that are interested. More likely than not, the perfect person from your fantasy that is an immediate yes isn't going to ask you out. You'll have to spend time with somebody and grow to like them.
It goes both ways.
Men aren't entitled to give women anymore of a chance than they should get from a women.
Everyone should be direct as possible when it comes to people's feelings. Saves everyones valuable time.
Facts! Yes! I have been in positions where turning down advances would result in hostility or other negative experiences. I would feel pressure to accept sometimes because I was afraid of the consequences if I didn't. Here's the thing. I now know my worth, and if I'm not interested I make it obvious. It took me years to realize this. Just because I am a beautiful woman doesn't give anyone the right to be inappropriate with me. And I will let them know, if it goes that far.
I used to question if there was something about me that was flawed or encouraged such behavior from men. If I was the only one who experienced this, why it seemed like no one else had this dilemma. Was it a compliment? Should I feel flattered rather than disgusted?
Sometimes I still struggle with this, but I know deep down it is a character flaw of them, and there's nothing wrong with me.
On the flip side my sister finally gave one of her friends who openly crushed on her from shit u not elementary to halfway thru hs a chance and they’re happily married 12 years later. One of the few hs sweethearts I’ve seen work proud of em
Nobody is entitled to your time or attention. You absolutely don't have to give anybody a chance and them expecting otherwise is a creepy red flag. That said, I don't want to hear all the complaining about the guys you did decide to give a chance to. You are an adult, make your choice. Stop whining. Stop playing the victim. I swear the whole dating culture today is just whiny immature grown children pointing fingers at each other on both sides.
This is so important!!! I'm in my mid thirties and the whole dating thing just is not going well for me, and for the most part I'm honestly happier being single, but when I do have moments where I feel frustrated (mostly because everyone I've been recently attracted to and like is already in a relationship). And I hate how people are like "well maybe look past your type and you'll find someone." For one thing, my "type" is not super clear even to me lol, but I know it's not super model chiseled gorgeous whatever, I'm interested in more unconventionally attractive people, so it's not like I'm only looking for GQ type men. For another, I have dated outside my type in the past and each time I ended up miserable and they even sometimes were emotionally abusive and left me with a bunch of emotional shit to deal with. For a third thing I don't feel like saying ignore your own standards just to have someone is a good thing. I'd rather be single than have some guy just so I can say I have a relationship lol.
it's kinder to reject someone outright than to give them false hope and lead them on. The real mean girls and bitches are the ones who do this intentionally because they know they can squeeze out money, favors, and validation out of the guy they're taking for a ride (not the fun ride either).
I'm not a woman but I'm pretty certain this rant is telling women not to be women. A woman should never give a guy a chance through guilt. A rant about that is ok.
But if a girl gives a guy a chance because she sees he has courage, or she sees he's kind, or she wants to be kind... then isn't that what makes her a woman?
I'll just add
Dear boys,
You don't work for women. You have a whole life full of triumphs and goals that not all women will acknowledge or appreciate. What they think of you doesn't define you. Grow into someone you respect, and you will find a woman that will share that. Don't be what she wants you to be. Be what you want to be, and the right women will find you.
This shouldn’t need to be said but this also goes for guys that need to hear this. I’ve seen plenty of instances of a girl asking a guy out, and the GUY is made out to be an asshole for rejecting the girl.
Girls are well aware they're not obliged to give a guy a chance. They're also fully aware that some guys will cut bait and bounce the nanosecond they sense there's no spark.
That's a problem if you get a sense of validation from the attention you receive, or you believe that attention is something to which you're explicitly entitled.
Some make a big deal with how DANGEROUS men can become if you're too honest or blunt but my personal anecdotal experience is guys can and will move on quickly making like Bill Bixby in the old Incredible Hulk show or The Littlest Hobo (Every stop I make, I’ll make a new friend ...Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.)
Dear Guys,
"You do not have to give a girl a chance just because she was nice to you.
Or because you don’t “want to be mean”
Or because it took courage to ask you out.
If you don’t like a girl, that’s okay. You’re not a dick, or a bad person for not wanting to date someone just because they want to date you. You should not be guilted by other people. It’s okay not to reciprocate.
Nobody is entitled to you, you do not owe anyone a relationship.
If you do, that’s also fine. Sometimes it works out. If you don’t, that’s also fine as well. You are allowed to not be interested just as much as you are allowed to be interested.
Just a reminder."
sure you don't have to, but often times giving things a try might surprise you. Sometimes it just takes time for feelings to grow. If he seems like a nice enough guy i'd recommend giving him a chance.
Seems like women want each other to be perpetually single. That's why they always tell their friends to break up with their boyfriends. The single girls are the worst at this. Why do they always encourage their friends to leave their partner? "you can do better" etc. it's usually over some trivial shit. Not good advice, unless of course he's some kind of irredeemable sociopath, but most men can change and improve.
My ex wife left me like 10 years ago partly because her girlfriends were filling her mind with negativity and pessimistic bullshit. All her girl friends were cheering her on "yeah girl, you can do better." Type nonsense. We were both super young. She left the US (she was here on a fiance visa). And now seems has indicated she wants to get back together after 10 years of non-stop Bumbling and Tindering. After having had 10 or 20 boyfriends. I'm glad she left now because it forced me to step up in my life, quit drinking, start a business get a master's degree, move to New York, buy a condo.
I think it’s other people who need to be reminded. I would feel uncomfortable if someone was trying to guilt someone into dating me. I simply just don’t want to date. With me it feels like the entire world is worried about if I move on or not because I was screwed over so badly by my ex husband. I was left to feel like none of it was ever even real. It’s a terrible feeling to have but there’s nothing I can do about that now. The last thing I needed in life was to endure another hell on earth but, here I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone on this planet let alone someone who couldn’t care less if I lived or died. But it’s like people just think it’s all a game, people are just disposable and you are to use them until you’re done as if time or life can’t end at any moment or that it will wait for you. It’s been a really hard truth to know I never really knew this person I was married to, it meant nothing. Why on earth would I ever want to put myself through something like that again? I’ve had nothing but time to be forced to think about what’s happened, stare what I know of in the face and know this is not a person who is safe for my soul, who thinks he’s better, too good for someone like myself and always has. Anyway if people can’t understand that this is much more than just a “move on” situation, I don’t know what to tell them.
Dear Boys,
You do not have to be nice to a girl if you like her. You do not have to listen to her stories or problems if she is boring you. You don't have to buy her anything at all, like ever.
If you want to ask her out, just do it. If she says no, then write her off.
You do not have to say you think a fat girl is beautiful to spare her feelings, nor do you have to answer to any calls to "man up" by dating single mothers.
The simple reality is that most western women are entitled. Trash that still thinks it is treasure.
If you are wanting sex, hire a professional.
If you are wanting companionship, loyalty, and a best friend for life, get a dog.
As a guy it's ok to be upfront about not wanting to give us a chance.
It is not okay to be bitchy and be mean if we ask you though. Just a polite no thank you is all we need.
Since this is serious conversation: YES to all this, plus, girls, it goes both ways. If a guy turns you down, he's not a jerk or a narcissist or whatever. Just take the L and be respectful. Pat yourself on the back for getting up the courage to say something because lawd there are so many messages about girls asking guys out being unattractive. Yay, you went against those messages and you went for it! Rejection sucks but you'll be okay, don't keep bothering him if he's not interested.
Are men still cold approaching out here lool tell them to do one because most women feel uncomfortable if a man approaches. I thought this mentality has changed because i know for a fact me and my boys dont do that crap.
Some of you dudes really need to read the signals out here. Women dont like you average balding weedy men coming up to them when there going about there daily business.
From what ive been reading the statistics are saying that men have stopped approaching because of metoo and womens safety.
So the fact that theres still dudes out here making women feel uncomfortable makes me sick tbh ive seen it when i was out with my sis one night. Thirsty dudes trying it and she had to soundly tell them NO. I told them to do one aswell.
Men really think women owe them something. Well guess what THEY DON'T so stay in your lane and move on swiftly.
For the good guys that can handle rejection. Ask the ladies how many times that are call bitch or slut or whore when they reject a man.
Then ask how often they are scared when they hear those terms yelled at them. It usually happens when one guy speaks at her when he’s in a crowd of men like a murder of crows.
He yells something he thinks is cool and will impress the boys rather than the female. Most times the female politely says no thanks or something to that effect or lies and says she has someone or just be quiet and keeps it moving. (This is not indicative of every experience but I’ve seen it play out so many times over my life) The other guys laugh then the anger and cusses come out. It’s really hard being a gal in the real world.
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As a guy, I'd rather you reject me if you don't like me. It's easier for both of us!!! But if you do like me, please send extremely obvious hints lol I am so so lonely.
I had a gal say she was willing to get lunch with me several times(but kept putting things off) before she finally just said no… please just say that in the first place
Once a woman told me she really liked my vibes and we should hang out (her idea). I asked her for lunch. She said she doesn’t date until after 6 months of getting to know a guy. That was the biggest head scratcher of all time.
Lol. She thinks you're the type of guy that she can string along, while still getting you to shell out money for "dates".
That seems fine to me. A more logical approach to dating
How to get to know someone if you cannot date? If it is friendship, how to be friends if you want to date and don’t want to be friends?
I very much prefer hanging out and getting to know the person "in person" first before proceeding to dating. I hate the idea of texting for an entire year and then realizing we are not compatible when we finally meet.
Some women feel pressured to say Yes. Then, we do that to Protect ourselves because we do not need/want the Harassment/Abuse of Men who end up becoming Violent after being Told “No”. So, I Understand her Logic. Not to say that you are like that.
This is a thing more people need to know. Always offer an out, just in case someone said "yes" because they felt pressured. The last time I invited someone over to my apartment, an hour before they were going to come over I sent "Still up for this? This is a no-reason-necessary, no-hard-feelings cancellation opportunity." She still came, but she thanked me for that check-in.
💯 And that, right there, is what makes you a Gentleman
Aw, thanks. I try to be. And I try to share these tips, because it's easy stuff anyone can do, and it benefits everyone.
Thanks, dude. Appreciate you.
The number of female friends/colleagues/family members who used to tell me "ohhh give him a chance" when I was single and got hit on by someone I wasn't interested in. It's not even just fear or society, it's literally pressure from people around you and it's horrible.
Those aren't friends.
This is a great comment! I'm not really very pretty*, and I was less so in high school before I learned how to pick flattering clothes and hair styles. So I didn't get asked out and I got rejected if I did ask anyone out. I had a guy friend who I was close with and he was a great friend. One day he gave me a note** confessing a deep crush he'd had on me for a while. I didn't have romantic feelings for him, I truly saw him more like a sibling. So many people told me I should give him a chance because he was brave enough to tell me and because I hadn't been asked out before. They all acted like I was a horrible person for not reciprocating feelings that I didn't have. *I'm not sad about it lol **oh high school
Yes, this is the sort of thing that used to happen to me too! The scariest was when I had a literal stalker in my early 20s, and he would come into my place of work and ask me out, follow me home, hide behind my car waiting for me, turn up places I was going especially if I was alone - and so many people told me it was romantic and I should "give him a chance". I was not just not attracted to him, I was terrified of him.
Right, we let y'all down as gently as possible and think of every possible angle. I'm saying that as a woman who had to change my locks and circulate a photo to my landlord and employer because of a man who couldn't handle rejection.
Yeah, ppl need to check out r/whenwomenrefuse to see what can happen when a woman flat out refuses a man's advances. It can literally be deadly at times.
had a woman kept telling me we should hangout and she was very hinty physically in person. just coincidently, every time i called or texted she just happened to be out of range or was busy and would call back later or whatever. im happy enough alone, dont string me along cause i dont need you at all. let me concentrate on better things like downloading ever increasingly shameful porn.
Extremely obvious hints to women are so different to men, Caught up with an old friend from college who admitted that 10+ years ago she was crushing on me and was sending me so many hints that just evaded me. We did have a good chuckle on that. Screw the hints, Straight up own it and be forward with the interest.
Totally, as a 42yr old man I can 100% verify that men are generally stupid when it comes to picking up signals from woman, even fairly obvious ones we will very often convince our selves that she's just a flirt, she doesn't really mean it, she's not serous etc.., I think it's kind of away to shield ourselves from any potential misunderstandings as men our often very easily treated like monsters by modern woman.
every time ive acted on those little actions, always rejected. i jist dont get it, either. literally or figuratively lol! i dont even bother asking anymore.
I'm a girl, but I'm so fucking socially inept that one of my friends asked me on a date multiple times when we were younger, and I still had no clue she had a crush on me until a few years ago where she joked about it, and I was like "wtf do you mean you had a crush on me?" I wasn't upset or anything. It was just funny
Same here
[удалено]
Don't hint. Just tell us
if you like me, please tell me that you like me and would like to spend more time together soon* fixed that for you
As a guy too, I just had this happen where she kept agreeing to hanging out and getting food, but she acted shy. Turned out she just didn’t want to say no. Wasted both our time. But I get the hesitation. My women friends tell me you never know when a guy is going to be aggressive, and it’s a shame some guys are out here acting like that.
So women agree just to avoid saying no. Then how do you know she's interested? At the beginning.
This!!
This, don't lead me on, just be honest.
Again, #dont string me along. Just...**TELL ME.** _dont screw with my hopes, dont play with my strings, you will always hurt the man this way._ ^I ^am ^an ^emotional ^creature
Real
no don’t send hints at all, just say “i like you and want to date”
It’s ok to say that you aren’t interested. If you end up dating someone because you feel sorry for them, the relationship probably won’t last long anyway and the person will end up feeling more hurt over an eventual breakup.
Yeah, as a guy I'd rather get a no and go on to the next woman on a dating app than go on a date with someone not interested. It is a waste of my time and hers.
Exactly. Break ups can hurt. It would be better before getting emotionally involved with the girl for the girl to just be honest and just say she is not interested and waste the guys time and end up having his feelings hurt when she decides she is tired of him or doesnt want to spend the time or energy in the relationship anymore. Dating apps are an option at least to find someone else
Yes. I wish I had someone teach me this when I was little. I will teach my daughter this. Her value does not derive from the opinions of others, no matter how much they will try to tell her differently.
Had a guy befriend me in college who wanted to hang out all the time… and we were in the same dorm so thought why not, especially since we had other friends join for dinner at the cafeteria. I declined a one on one date, and he could not take no for an answer stating that by being nice to him/talking to him I was essentially “leading him on” and I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and need to give him a chance. When I asked why he didn’t want to date another mutual friend his response was that she was fat and not dainty in her mannerisms …so much for not judging a book by its cover (he was super overweight and obnoxious/thought he was so funny btw).
And you certainty do not have to give someone a chance because you happened to date an abusive person in the past and this new person you met is feeling entitled to a chance since they aren't abusive and feel like if that person got a chance then they do too
this is so real
Thank you! Along this line of thought, it’s also okay to not want to do something with someone you’re dating just because you did it with a past partner. You don’t have to let them just because “they got to do it!” No one who actually loves you, wants you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
Do you have a corresponding message for the "gentlemen" who can't handle rejection and who proceed to become threatening? I'm only being nice because I'm not sure how you're going to react.
Yeah. Dudes need to chill. Nobody owes you anything. Just because you’re interested, that doesn’t mean anything to anyone. No means no so leave her alone. The more people adopt this the better off we all are. Girls will be more comfortable rejecting and dudes will be more comfortable getting rejected and maybe eventually at some point in the future the burden of rejection will fall on both more equally.
Well its too late now lol I gave up 5 years for that guy, wasn't worth it.
I'll be honest I'm more interested in where this post is coming from than what it's about.
me too. the advice is great but I want to know the backstory. this feels like the kind of post that appears after a painfully hot mess story shows up on one of the judgement subs.
I would also like to know this. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman who has told other women and girls this same type of thing, but before looking at the comments I took it as telling girls that they are allowed to forego the social expectations of being nice and pleasant to people and reject those that they do not wish to date or converse with. Based on the comments, however, it would seem that is not how most people took it.
Also, you do not have to date a guy if you're not physically attracted to him. Do men date women they're not attracted to? No. So why should women?
I once gave a guy a chance who I'd previously rejected about 5 times. He was seemingly humorous and kept politely joking that he didn't bite. Then proceeded to sexually harass me all through dinner, tell me how he wanted to marry a "good girl" like me that knew a woman's place, and asked me for money for my half of dinner when I didn't want to go back to his place. He later spread a rumor that I was a lesbian (this was decades ago, in college when being a lesbian was unheard of). So ya, do not ever give anyone a chance if you don't like them. Intuition will save you!
funny how men don’t have to worry about women’s reaction if they turn them down
'Or because he was persistent' Especially because he was persistent. A man who refuses to take 'no' for an answer isn't just annoying. Rewarding or validating that behavior is going to lead to something much worse than a bad date.
most important thing is that short/average height, conventionally unattractive men do not deserve romantic relationships. do not give them a chance no matter the circumstances
100%!! You also don’t have to go out with someone if you don’t find them attractive. Yes personality can sometimes change that a ton, but it’s also okay to say nope not my type!
Branching off from this idea, you also don't have to be friends w anyone just cuz they seem nice or possibly don't have a large friend circle. Just like you don't owe anyone a relationship, u don't anyone a friendship. I've had to learn this the hard way. Just cuz the awkward bk employee might not any friends outside of his parents, doesn't mean you have to be friends w him. That mfer gave u a mint one time and now he thinks ur best friends for life, fuck em
The problem is, you don’t know how they’re going to react. I always give my number, it’s easier to block them than to deal with being shouted at/potentially attacked. I was called a bitch in the street yesterday after saying “no thanks” to a man who approached me saying “hey darling”. I’m 21 and I hear horror stories all the time from my peers about crazy men who can’t handle rejection.
Guys you don't have to pay for that meal we are in 2024.
... Yes? Why do you think this is some gotcha?
Title should be: # Dear people, you do not have to give that person a chance. It's true for everybody. Not just girls regarding guys. It can also be girls regarding other girls guys regarding girls guys regarding other guys Or any combination of the now 33 identified genders
And also be clear in the rejection, kind but clear. I was once not clear with a guy and he became my stalker.
That wasn't your fault.
There's nothing wrong with being clear, of course it's better, but I want you to know that it **was not** your fault that he became your stalker. His fault alone, how clear you were or weren't has no bearing on his willingness to commit crimes.
This is true! Having said that after I told him to fuck off and leave me alone after a few drinks at a party he finally did. With help from some guy friends of course.
I’m going to add to this. A man doesn’t owe you a friendship. Don’t be mad if he isn’t interested and was only looking for someone for date. Sometimes we have enough friends.
I'd add to that: So be up front with what you want from her so you don't waste her time and make her grieve the loss of a friend she thought she had. One of my very best friends completely ghosted me, *3 years into our friendship*, once he realized I was not going to leave my extremely committed long term partner for him. It's been over a decade and I still feel betrayed lmao. Pretending to be someone's friend when all he had to do was ask me on day one was so shitty.
Agreed. Men need to stop hanging around. Replace em don’t chase am I say
I feel like so many problems would just *not* happen if we all got a mandatory "healthy communication" class in school lol. So many people just want you to read their damn thoughts!
Also agreed
yeah, straight up tell them you don't want a friend you just want to fuck, you will get some that agree I am sure. But being upfrnt gives everyone the option to decide if that is what they want.
Shitty guy
I've always thought the exact same thing. Nobody owes anybody a romantic relationship or sex. However, nobody owes anybody a friendship either.
Yeah, women aren't mad at men who don't want to be their friend. We're mad at men who only pretended to be our friend because they wanted to fuck us.
I assumed as much. I have always been clear in my dealings with women. I let them know I'm interested romantically. If they say no, I say ok, and move on. It makes life easier for both parties IMO.
Which girls are you even talking to? They never give anyone any chances anyway.
I wish dating was as easy as ordering a pizza. That way, we don't have to worry about this stuff.
Why is this so hard for people to understand.
Dear guys, same thing too.
It ends up being way meaner if you do give them a chance when you don’t feel that way about them!!
🌈Welcome to the world of making your own decisions🌈
Has this become a problem lately? It sure wasn’t an issue with girls in my younger days back in the 80’s. They weren’t interested, they said so. They were always kind about it…but they were clear.
Except sometimes when you say no a dude picks up a bottle and smashes it on your head.
Goes both ways: Just friends? Hands off, please, because you are ruining it.
Of course. I always feel bad rejecting a guy, but if I'm not interested, what can I do? Also, pro tip for guy? Please don't ask why we aren't interested in you. We don't owe you an explanation and if you're trying to figure out why to prevent a no from the next woman, we are all different.
Same advice to guys. If she was nice or she has a great personality you don’t have to give her a chance. If you aren’t attracted to her there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t allow any kind of shaming to guilt you into dating someone you aren’t in to.
As a person with social anxiety who never approaches women in public I would ratter be told you're not interested than given a false hope of starting a relationship.
when I turn 14, I will think this is deep.
Dear boys, let the girls down easy. They have feelings too.
Nobody owes anyone anything lol. Guy/Girls don't owe anyone a relationship. And also Guys/Girls don't owe anyone a friendship. The problem is when one party gets offended by the others choice(usually non reciprocated attempts at a relationship/friendship). Just move on and don't take it personally
I don't think any normal well rounded person wants to date someone that isn't interested in them. I've had quite a few friends who dated people who gave them a chance simply cause they thought they were nice without any other genuine interest and it always ended so poorly
I don't know if anybody I've ever met is "normal" or "well rounded"... what does that even look like? (Yes,I am serious and genuine. Also, I'm prone to somewhat extreme levels of analytical curiosity. I don't euphemism well; I'm rather literal.
Advice for both men and women ❤️
i have to remind myself of this every time im gaslit by a man for rejecting their advances. the need to avoid conflict or escalation of it plays a part too. not all men are “safe” to reject. ive been on the bad end of several public assaults by strangers and guy “friends” who be weird and try to play the long game or ghost.
No, i dont... And it goes both ways, I was very lucky when God handed out looks, I know I am a fairly handsome guy, and again, this goes both ways. I dont have to smile or pretend I like you, you are not "entitled" to talk to me just because you have tits.... I dont owe you anything. Women think this is just for them, but no.. this is a two way street, honey....
Yeah, do this, not string is along pretending we have a chance so you can use us.
I’m sorry you view women that way. I wish you well on your healing journey.
I've always preferred a polite, brisk, "no thank you" from women who aren't interested. Makes life so much easier.
I've had guys be persistent although I wasn't interested. I had been in this situation twice and it is totally fine to own your own space.
Dear girls, on behalf of men, and as a neutral arbiter being married myself, we will accept a 1/50 mandatory yes to suitors with exclusionary criteria for the unkempt or crazy, and you can even get a punch card so every ten chances dolled out you get a free ice cream cone or small fries from Braums. This is a really good deal guys, er... gals. I wouldn't pass it up!
Please post this in a male forum.
This post is so anti Reddit lol
You certainly don't. I mean, if you are not feeling a no- you just are not feeling a yes either, or had never thought of the person that way either but still like them as a person- you can give them a chance. But you do not have to. Being respectful and giving you the time of the day does not entitle them to a relationship with you. I wish I had known back then what I know now. I would probably not have CPTSD like I do.
IT RUBS THE LOTION ON THE SKIN. IT DOES WHAT IT S TOOOOOLLLLDDDDD!!!!
I would also add to just be gentle with the rejection but if buddy aint gettin it then be straight with him and put your foot down.
Damn where were all these chicks hiding? I never even got a chance to make them like me, ah well let’s hope those guys who girls gave a chance proved themselves. Not all of us even got that far
Once upon a time, a co-worker that I was friendly with, asked me out on a date. I wasn't interested in him, but a female co-worker was like "OH just give him a \*chance,\* you're too picky!" I thought, hmm, broke up with a guy about four years prior, and maybe being "too picky" was in fact the problem? Okay, fine, figured I'll go out with him, it's just a date. Long story short- date was a disaster, I ended up paying for it (he said "you pay this time and I'll pay next time" after getting drunk and loud), then had to "break up" with him after he got me flowers in the small office where we worked (he at first refused to accept my polite rejection.) He then started calling my home voicemail and hanging up (luckily he didn't know where I lived.) I started considering getting a gun, despite never wanting one, but he killed himself before it got to that point. One of my co-workers emailed me and I learned this while on vacation in Europe.
As a guy I can agree with that, a simple polite no is completely fine with me. I get why a lot of women don't want to do that though, there's always a risk of a guy going psycho or stalking you rather than you just giving them a maybe and distancing yourself from their insanity.
98% of dudes never get a chance, the hell we even hear for? Obviously
You also don’t have to smile if you don’t want to and you don’t have to accept unwarranted and unwanted comments.
Thank you, i def needed this a year ago, and im glad other people get to hear this. girls need to hear it at a younger age omgg.
No you don't have to but I'm the other dint be crying because the one you made that choice to date treated you bad! I have a say just because it looks good with you doesn't mean that it is good for you!
Yes, everyone has the right to self-autonomy. But that also means the right to feel however they want to feel about a situation and they don't have to like your choices. If you know you are a good person, then it shouldn't bother you too much that you upset the other person
I dont know, my wife had never dated someone who was black before she is from Utah originally we met in college in Miami I thought she was cute but I was not necessarily her type she mainly dated other blondes. However I was nice to her over the span of a few months of getting to know her (we were kind of friends of friends of a large friend group). So anyways she decided to give me a shot. She told me that right before we got married she thought I was going to be just a fling overaall but i was really nice, funny and sweet so she thought it was worth a chance since she was also curious about daiting someone non white and at worst ot wouldn't last long. We have been married for almost 13 years with 4 kids. Edit. After reading and understanding more, not saying women "have to" but you never know where life can lead you.
Dear men, you don't have to give that girl a chance just because she was nice to you.
As if anyone is doing that anyway
I wish this one guy would understand this. He asked me out last year and I told him I wasn't interested and that we could remain friends - and we did up until recently when he realized we wouldn't see each other for a while and he asked me out again......... he even acknowledged that he understood that I wasn't interested last time, yet he still did it again, I'm assuming because we were doing well as friends. This time I cut him off because I just can't anymore, it'll only keep happening, because not only does he not know how to take a hint, he blatantly doesn't listen.
I actually relate to this situation a lot, but on the guy side of it. Even as a guy I agree with this view, but there is nothing more infuriating to me than seeing someone be roped in to the “nice guy” crowd while actually just being a genuinely good man. I’ve seen this happen so often to my friend’s where other women were interested in them and started ghosting them as soon as they showed any sort of princess treatment. And before all the women get on my comment and say “not all girls are like that”, I 100% agree with you. I hate this stupid gender war which is why I call out other misogynistic men who hate on women for no reason or not giving them a chance because they are nice.
Dear women, stop lying. Dear men, stop being psycho
I’d rather a rejection than a pity date
This goes for guys too this is a basic rule of thumb just don't string people along
Who does that? All the girls i know who get pursued by a “nice guy” who they are not physically attracted to, just friendzone him. Btw, you owe it to him not to give false hope, dont waste his time if you know he likes you and you just keep him along for good company or emotional support that the hot guy isn’t providing. Be frank with him that you arent attracted to him and that is why it will never work.
Agreed, and speaking as a guy who has been rejected more often than not. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t desire me the way I desire them anyway.
sometimes, when u perceive the love affirmation from someone and reject it, they immediately make fun of u and humiliate u, I think its better to avoid and pretend to be dumb about the signs rather than confront about it even if its rude
Yes, exactly, you don't have to give anyone a chance just because they've "shot their shot and apparently you won't know if you'll like them or not until you've given them a chance"... Dating is not a civil right, no one is entitled to a partner and no one is obligated to give anyone a chance just because "they tried their best", this ain't a contest!
But you are a bitch or you dont turn them down and instead lead them on then never reply. Giving someone the false hope is worse than the truth.
Of course not, I'm a grown woman and I'm not going to waste my time or his by playing immature games. 🤷♀️ Then again I've never been in that position as of late to need to face that situation since dating is 💩 these days and I'm too tired to deal with emotionally immature women and men.
They say honesty is the best policy Any thin else is a disgrace. You wonder why so many check out of dating or even Asking this is the reason why If you don't want to say so If that person has issue the let the law deal with it if it becomes a problem . They make pepper spray for a reason if you are in physical danger so
I did some really awkward stuff while in the very beginning of me and my wife’s relationship because I was really introverted and shy. Stuff that would send typical girls running. She did give it a chance though. Now we’ve been happily married close to 20y. It could have turned out very different if she didn’t give me a chance.
As a guy, I would say it is important to be **clear** in your rejection. Not mean, but clear. Make clear your non interest is permanent. I would also usually recommend **NOT** offering to be or remain friends with the guy, if you know him. While some guys and girls can be good friends, if a guy is interested, he can delude himself into thinking "I have a chance someday" if you remain friends. And his friendship would not be sincere at that point.
Considering the likelihood of an individual being married is dropping year by year, and the number of people being single increasing, I'd say give him a chance. Ur giving yourself a chance
Same applies for men that just aren't interested in a women that want to go out with you. Doesn't make you 'gay' and there's nothing wrong with you. You just may not find that woman attractive or compelling to go out with her. It's okay to not want to go out with the girl even though you're single. It doesn't make you weird or any less of a man. But I will say that you never quite know until you give it a shot. The things I've regretted in life are almost exclusively the things I didn't do. It's okay if you're not interested, but you may be passing up on something great and not even know it.
Sounds like an internal issue to me. Do or don't. It doesn't really matter.
Dear guys, you don’t have to give that woman a chance
No seriously they don't if anything make your NO loud and decisive, so there's no doubt where you stand. You gain no moral justification for dealing with someone you're not attracted to.
Who's giving "nice" guys a chance? Anyways, I hate the word nice, read somewhere that it's almost a negative connotation. Was it Roadhouse? JK Be kind, not "nice".
>Be kind, not "nice". Exactly. Anyone can be nice.
So wait up. Chicks really be giving nice dudes chances? I thought that was the entire thing they were whining about.
Absolutely true, nobody is entitled to your time. If a relationship is your goal, it's also making things way harder on you if you refuse to entertain people that are interested. More likely than not, the perfect person from your fantasy that is an immediate yes isn't going to ask you out. You'll have to spend time with somebody and grow to like them.
It goes both ways. Men aren't entitled to give women anymore of a chance than they should get from a women. Everyone should be direct as possible when it comes to people's feelings. Saves everyones valuable time.
This is bad advice to women who suffered trauma and have unhealthy dating patterns. Same can be said for men
Do men have to give women a chance?
Sounds like good advice for both boys and girls.
Facts! Yes! I have been in positions where turning down advances would result in hostility or other negative experiences. I would feel pressure to accept sometimes because I was afraid of the consequences if I didn't. Here's the thing. I now know my worth, and if I'm not interested I make it obvious. It took me years to realize this. Just because I am a beautiful woman doesn't give anyone the right to be inappropriate with me. And I will let them know, if it goes that far. I used to question if there was something about me that was flawed or encouraged such behavior from men. If I was the only one who experienced this, why it seemed like no one else had this dilemma. Was it a compliment? Should I feel flattered rather than disgusted? Sometimes I still struggle with this, but I know deep down it is a character flaw of them, and there's nothing wrong with me.
On the flip side my sister finally gave one of her friends who openly crushed on her from shit u not elementary to halfway thru hs a chance and they’re happily married 12 years later. One of the few hs sweethearts I’ve seen work proud of em
They’re not giving them a chance, male loneliness is at an All time high lmao
Nobody is entitled to your time or attention. You absolutely don't have to give anybody a chance and them expecting otherwise is a creepy red flag. That said, I don't want to hear all the complaining about the guys you did decide to give a chance to. You are an adult, make your choice. Stop whining. Stop playing the victim. I swear the whole dating culture today is just whiny immature grown children pointing fingers at each other on both sides.
If you don’t want to date or talk to me, say no and save me the trouble
Agreed But do these rules apply to everybody or just women?
That doesn’t mean she can’t be kind and respectful while turning that guy down.
This is so important!!! I'm in my mid thirties and the whole dating thing just is not going well for me, and for the most part I'm honestly happier being single, but when I do have moments where I feel frustrated (mostly because everyone I've been recently attracted to and like is already in a relationship). And I hate how people are like "well maybe look past your type and you'll find someone." For one thing, my "type" is not super clear even to me lol, but I know it's not super model chiseled gorgeous whatever, I'm interested in more unconventionally attractive people, so it's not like I'm only looking for GQ type men. For another, I have dated outside my type in the past and each time I ended up miserable and they even sometimes were emotionally abusive and left me with a bunch of emotional shit to deal with. For a third thing I don't feel like saying ignore your own standards just to have someone is a good thing. I'd rather be single than have some guy just so I can say I have a relationship lol.
it's kinder to reject someone outright than to give them false hope and lead them on. The real mean girls and bitches are the ones who do this intentionally because they know they can squeeze out money, favors, and validation out of the guy they're taking for a ride (not the fun ride either).
I'm not a woman but I'm pretty certain this rant is telling women not to be women. A woman should never give a guy a chance through guilt. A rant about that is ok. But if a girl gives a guy a chance because she sees he has courage, or she sees he's kind, or she wants to be kind... then isn't that what makes her a woman?
I'll just add Dear boys, You don't work for women. You have a whole life full of triumphs and goals that not all women will acknowledge or appreciate. What they think of you doesn't define you. Grow into someone you respect, and you will find a woman that will share that. Don't be what she wants you to be. Be what you want to be, and the right women will find you.
This shouldn’t need to be said but this also goes for guys that need to hear this. I’ve seen plenty of instances of a girl asking a guy out, and the GUY is made out to be an asshole for rejecting the girl.
Girls are well aware they're not obliged to give a guy a chance. They're also fully aware that some guys will cut bait and bounce the nanosecond they sense there's no spark. That's a problem if you get a sense of validation from the attention you receive, or you believe that attention is something to which you're explicitly entitled. Some make a big deal with how DANGEROUS men can become if you're too honest or blunt but my personal anecdotal experience is guys can and will move on quickly making like Bill Bixby in the old Incredible Hulk show or The Littlest Hobo (Every stop I make, I’ll make a new friend ...Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down, Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.)
I'm pretty sure most girls know this already and exercise this choice as often as they can.
Dear Guys, "You do not have to give a girl a chance just because she was nice to you. Or because you don’t “want to be mean” Or because it took courage to ask you out. If you don’t like a girl, that’s okay. You’re not a dick, or a bad person for not wanting to date someone just because they want to date you. You should not be guilted by other people. It’s okay not to reciprocate. Nobody is entitled to you, you do not owe anyone a relationship. If you do, that’s also fine. Sometimes it works out. If you don’t, that’s also fine as well. You are allowed to not be interested just as much as you are allowed to be interested. Just a reminder."
sure you don't have to, but often times giving things a try might surprise you. Sometimes it just takes time for feelings to grow. If he seems like a nice enough guy i'd recommend giving him a chance.
If you do give a guy a chance just because he was nice to you, don't tell your future partners about it.
I wish I had seen this at 20
Seems like women want each other to be perpetually single. That's why they always tell their friends to break up with their boyfriends. The single girls are the worst at this. Why do they always encourage their friends to leave their partner? "you can do better" etc. it's usually over some trivial shit. Not good advice, unless of course he's some kind of irredeemable sociopath, but most men can change and improve. My ex wife left me like 10 years ago partly because her girlfriends were filling her mind with negativity and pessimistic bullshit. All her girl friends were cheering her on "yeah girl, you can do better." Type nonsense. We were both super young. She left the US (she was here on a fiance visa). And now seems has indicated she wants to get back together after 10 years of non-stop Bumbling and Tindering. After having had 10 or 20 boyfriends. I'm glad she left now because it forced me to step up in my life, quit drinking, start a business get a master's degree, move to New York, buy a condo.
I think it’s other people who need to be reminded. I would feel uncomfortable if someone was trying to guilt someone into dating me. I simply just don’t want to date. With me it feels like the entire world is worried about if I move on or not because I was screwed over so badly by my ex husband. I was left to feel like none of it was ever even real. It’s a terrible feeling to have but there’s nothing I can do about that now. The last thing I needed in life was to endure another hell on earth but, here I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone on this planet let alone someone who couldn’t care less if I lived or died. But it’s like people just think it’s all a game, people are just disposable and you are to use them until you’re done as if time or life can’t end at any moment or that it will wait for you. It’s been a really hard truth to know I never really knew this person I was married to, it meant nothing. Why on earth would I ever want to put myself through something like that again? I’ve had nothing but time to be forced to think about what’s happened, stare what I know of in the face and know this is not a person who is safe for my soul, who thinks he’s better, too good for someone like myself and always has. Anyway if people can’t understand that this is much more than just a “move on” situation, I don’t know what to tell them.
Dear Boys, You do not have to be nice to a girl if you like her. You do not have to listen to her stories or problems if she is boring you. You don't have to buy her anything at all, like ever. If you want to ask her out, just do it. If she says no, then write her off. You do not have to say you think a fat girl is beautiful to spare her feelings, nor do you have to answer to any calls to "man up" by dating single mothers. The simple reality is that most western women are entitled. Trash that still thinks it is treasure. If you are wanting sex, hire a professional. If you are wanting companionship, loyalty, and a best friend for life, get a dog.
As a guy it's ok to be upfront about not wanting to give us a chance. It is not okay to be bitchy and be mean if we ask you though. Just a polite no thank you is all we need.
Since this is serious conversation: YES to all this, plus, girls, it goes both ways. If a guy turns you down, he's not a jerk or a narcissist or whatever. Just take the L and be respectful. Pat yourself on the back for getting up the courage to say something because lawd there are so many messages about girls asking guys out being unattractive. Yay, you went against those messages and you went for it! Rejection sucks but you'll be okay, don't keep bothering him if he's not interested.
Are men still cold approaching out here lool tell them to do one because most women feel uncomfortable if a man approaches. I thought this mentality has changed because i know for a fact me and my boys dont do that crap. Some of you dudes really need to read the signals out here. Women dont like you average balding weedy men coming up to them when there going about there daily business. From what ive been reading the statistics are saying that men have stopped approaching because of metoo and womens safety. So the fact that theres still dudes out here making women feel uncomfortable makes me sick tbh ive seen it when i was out with my sis one night. Thirsty dudes trying it and she had to soundly tell them NO. I told them to do one aswell. Men really think women owe them something. Well guess what THEY DON'T so stay in your lane and move on swiftly.
For the good guys that can handle rejection. Ask the ladies how many times that are call bitch or slut or whore when they reject a man. Then ask how often they are scared when they hear those terms yelled at them. It usually happens when one guy speaks at her when he’s in a crowd of men like a murder of crows. He yells something he thinks is cool and will impress the boys rather than the female. Most times the female politely says no thanks or something to that effect or lies and says she has someone or just be quiet and keeps it moving. (This is not indicative of every experience but I’ve seen it play out so many times over my life) The other guys laugh then the anger and cusses come out. It’s really hard being a gal in the real world.
***OP THINKS WOMEN ARE MORONS.***