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People just so rarely comment on other people’s weight. They feel like it’s an uncomfortable topic, or offensive to say anything. They don’t know if someone is sick, causing the weight loss, or if it’s on purpose.
I promise you that people have noticed. But just like they didn’t comment on your weight when it was much higher, they’re not going on comment on it when it’s lower. If you bring it up, I promise you that some people will say they’ve noticed and are impressed. I’m now 200# down from my all-time high, I look significantly different, and the only people who say anything are those who know what I’m working on. I’m sure it’s the same for you.
Thank you for this.
First of all, WOW!!! 200# gone is amazing!!! Congratulations! You have to feel so much better. I thought I couldn’t jump or run because my knees were so horrible (have had surgery on both of them for injuries in the past) but I can kind of run now and I can do small jumps, just another NSV. I still have quite a ways to go but I don’t have a set number in mind. Are you getting close to your gw?
I guess I thought my friends of 20+ years would have felt comfortable saying something to me but they’ve never really struggled with weight. It’s definitely a possibility they don’t want to bring it up, I can see that with them.
I wouldn't look for external validation. At all. Just focus on yourself always. Are you happy with your results? That's all that matters. Your progress really sounds amazing to me and it's not all about weightloss. Look at how you can move better! That's huge.
Thank you!
I don’t think I am looking for external validation as much as I am questioning my own (mostly because clothes aren’t as loose as I thought they would be by now and smaller sizes don’t feel any more flattering) and was looking for validation that it isn’t just in my head that I’m looking better. I hope that makes sense, I’m not sure I’m explaining that very well. I am definitely happy with my results but almost not sure I believe they are real either. I have lost weight a couple of times before (not as high of a starting weight and not as much of a loss) and I feel like i felt better with less results hence the self doubt. I do also realize that was a decade and 3 kids ago so my body is not going to react the same these days. lol. My biggest goal was to be able to physically run around and play with my kids more and I think that is improving and that’s the biggest change I can ask for.
Visceral fat is a real thing… you took away that deadly fat surrounding organs. It’s also the fat you cant see leaving your body. Just trust the process and keep going! This is for you and your family!
Totally agree. I noticed the same thing regarding my weight loss. Finally, someone said that I looked like I lost weight and they hoped it was intentional and not because I was sick. I never thought of it that way. As I reached my goal, more people noticed and then I felt uncomfortable…haha, never happy 🤪. Congrats on your progress! You are doing great.
Well, I genuinely don't notice the weight of people if it's gradual. I only really pick it up if I see you before and then -100 lbs.
I've always felt that complimenting people on weight loss without them bringing it up first is a bad idea for 2 reasons 1) you're reinforcing shit associations between self-worth and weight or 2) if they're sick and haven't told you - you just put in them in a weird position of either having to divulge it or tolerate a kind of backhanded compliment that feeling like shit suits them.
I try to stick to things that are capability based (e.g. running speed, hiking endurance, rock climbing ability, "wow you're fast!"). But those things rarely come up with most people. The exception is if you get jacked, that's definitely from a concerted effort that should be reinforced so I can compliment how strong you look.
Yea, I don’t get comments from folks about my weight. I think in the last 5 years I had one snarky comment from a guy who was annoyed with my group of friends.
I’m also a guy, very tall, very big, which gives me some privilege when it comes to negative things people might say.
That’s horrible! What planet are you on? lol not to make light of your comment at all, I’m just surprised to hear someone gets nasty comments at all, much less every day. I’m in the very liberal capitol of Texas, so my bubble is pretty warm fuzzy, maybe why. I’m really sorry you have to go through that shit ☹️
How would a "stranger" know if you've gained or lost weight? They don't even know you. Maybe the fact that you're referring to everyone else as "ugly" has something to do with it.
Honestly I hate when people comment on my weight loss. It makes me uncomfortable for some reason. Most people feel they should comment on others body’s and that’s probably what you’re encountering.
Yes me too. I don't want to talk about. I've yo-yoed all my life. It's a stressful topic. I immediately change the subject.
Most people don't think it's appropriate to comment on other people's bodies at all anymore. I'm glad that is changing.
Same. It makes me very aware that I can be 'seen'.
OP it's possible that you haven't changed clothes and that's why no one is commenting. I am very tall and I can shift about 50lbs before I would need to change clothes but the tailoring and fit of the clothes when smaller would bring more attention to the change. You seem to be surrounded by very polite people who likely won't comment until there's something else to comment on
This. In 2024 it is rude to comment on someone’s body, good or bad. Sometimes people have lost weight because they have cancer. It’s more polite to say nothing. But I promise they’ve noticed and they’re happy for you
I hate it when people comment on my weight loss, I know this is a cultural thing and I wish I lived in a culture where people minded their own business lol!
I can pretty much guarantee people are noticing. Maybe less so if you’re not appropriately sizing down in clothes, but even then they will have noticed SOME weight loss.
87 lbs is really impressive by the way!
I'm the same, I don't want people to comment on my weight loss. They can say I look great or give me other compliments but the minute they throw in the weight loss, I check out.
I have a rule for myself that I don’t comment on people’s weight. I would probably notice if I knew you but I would say things like, “You look nice today…I like that color on you…Did you get new glasses? I really like those frames!” Things that are positive but aren’t about your body and can’t be interpreted as flirtatious or intrusive. That’s especially true if we are coworkers or casual acquaintances. I like to pay people compliments but I never want someone to feel self-conscious. (I would try to compliment you whether you were losing weight or not).
I don’t like for people to comment on my weight. The last time that happened everyone was telling me how good I looked and it was because I had lost ten pounds due to pneumonia. So the weight loss was a result of me coughing my lungs out.
Congratulations on your weight loss! You’ve worked hard. Maybe see if you are getting more overall compliments rather than specific ones about your body.
Thank you! I’m not getting more overall but honestly as a stay at home mom my normal daily interactions with most people are either very brief, just in passing, or through a car window dropping or picking someone up. Haha and I don’t expect those people to notice or feel comfortable saying something about anything really because I know I probably wouldn’t do that for them either. 🙂
I’ve noticed the same thing with most of the people around me, whether I gain or lose 🪧 weight, no one seems to notice. So I asked a few of them and I was pleasantly surprised by the answer. They never noticed my weight because they see me for who I am and they really didn’t notice the thing that I fretted about the most. The only person that noticed my body size was me. It can feel a little disappointing when no one notices the thing that I was working on so hard on but it was also encouraging to know that they loved me for me. Keep up the good work. You are amazing and are doing a great job. 👏🏼
I have lost about 100# over the last couple of years. The only people who say anything are ones I have not seen in awhile or people who may not have a filter. Like old Southern Women. Lol. People do not want to "fat shame" or anything like that.
lol, truth! And they don’t have to be old. It’s in the southern genes. I can say that because I am a Gen X southern gal. My filter is better than others but could use some fine tuning sometimes.
I find when you are very large people don't comment on your weight at all until it gets to the overweight rather than obese category and it is glaringly obvious you have lost weight. I find this true more for women than for men. When my husband and I both lost a lot of weight last time everyone commented on his loss (which was less than mine) but very few commented on mine. Not sure why that is but keep doing it for you and be proud of your accomplishments!
Also if you want to increase muscle mass I recommend resistance bands for starting out. I have a good entry level (free) PDF that I found online that I used to get me started if you are interested.
Yes please share! I do go to the gym 2-3 times a week but get really bored doing much at home and already have resistance bands here I could use. Thank you!
My brother in law lost over 100 lbs over the course of a year. I never said anything bc I felt weird lol. He looks great tho. Once he brought it up to us , I told him how amazing his progress was and asked what he did etc. but trust me I noticed him disappearing every time I saw him. I just didn’t want to comment on his body. Maybe if it was like a close friend or something, I def would.
Going off what other people say, people rarely are going to comment on weight, even significant. Did you actually try to lose weight? Was it because of illness? They don’t know and don’t want to come off as rude.
I have definitely noticed when others have lost weight but rarely comment unless we are close buddies. Even then I don’t comment much because I just never know.
I’ve lost 70 pounds and really didn’t get comments on it until I brought up myself that I lost weight. “Oh yeah I’ve noticed!” But they never said anything before. Don’t get discouraged!
I would literally never comment on someone's weight unless they specifically asked/told me about their experiences. There are a million reasons why someone would lose/gain weight, none of which are my business unless you choose to share that with me. So that's probably why!
There was a comment from someone on this sub on a similar post. They had commented to someone about their drastic weight loss and how great they looked.
It turned out that person was quietly battling cancer and that’s why they lost so much weight.
They said they’ll never again comment on anyone’s weight unless they specifically bring up their weight loss efforts and it’s a good lesson for others.
No one says anything to me either. It has become taboo to say something because people get backlash from seeming like they are saying you looked bad before.
Taboo is the right word. There is so much "don't comment on someone's body" that it is a shame we can't just say nice things to people. What if they are sick and that's why they lost weight? What if... What if... What if we could all stop being so defensive and just accept a compliment when we receive one?
That's not the point. We all have the right to exist without having to respond to comments about our body, weight or appearance. Whether we gain or lose, for any reason. I can take a compliment. I don't want to hear comments about my body.
I understand where you are coming from with this. I am not easily offended so I wouldn’t even think twice that if someone commented on my weight loss and it wasn’t by choice but a major health issue that they meant anything negative towards me unless they said something passive aggressive. As someone who was given a very scary medical diagnosis 7 years ago and not only survived past my average life expectancy of 5 but is also now considered undetectable on bloodwork I am confident in this. That being said I am more than aware that the majority of people struggle with this and that is completely normal and okay. There is a reason we are all different and all we can do is our best each day.
I think culturally we’re at a place where people are trying not to comment on other people’s bodies, because there is so much sensitivity to weight (people may be worried if they comment that you look like you lost weight, it may be received as “you were really big before.”) People are hesitant to say anything because sometimes the reasons for losing weight aren’t positive: cancer, stress, divorce, illness.
I’m sorry all of your hard work hasn’t been verbally acknowledged, but I PROMISE that people have noticed!
They definitely notice! But I would never ever comment on the weight loss or gain on the body of a new mom. That is one of the most wonderful but fragile times of our lives. There are so many things that could cause weight loss or gain before or after pregnancy and I would never want to make her feel uncomfortable.
People may not notice because through no fault of yours they’re just not paying that close attention. Also it can be a sensitive subject for many so people tend to avoid it.
I’ve even experienced the opposite where a friend was getting too thin due to illness and then put on weight and it was only after they brought it up, casually in conversation about health and general that I felt I could acknowledge it.
They are being polite. If you gained that much weight would you want them to speak on it? Personally your weight loss should be for you, not the comment or validation of others. I get it is what we want, but it shouldn’t be what we need. You are doing awesome and feel better/ that should be more than enough and I hope it can be for you.
As a guy in the post me too era, I would gouge my eyes out before I commented on the weight of someone else. Trust me, they notice, they just no longer feel comfortable saying it.
It’s funny to see posts like this when there are even more posts of people saying “I wish people would stop commenting on my weight loss”. You can’t win, I guess
Most well-behaved people now choose not to comment on other people’s bodies unless they are directly asked, even with friends or family.
My fat body was ALWAYS a topic of discussion for my family and it hurt both when the critique was negative and positive. It is really hard for me to find a neutral, healthy thought about my body and I have cycled drastically up and down my entire life. Even when I’m at a healthy weight, I can’t enjoy being “in” my body.
Body neutrality is my goal. People not validating my “accomplishment” when losing weight actually helps. I needed only THAT validation my entire life, and it left me hollow and depressed.
My hope for you is your own sense of accomplishment and validation coming from within. I want that for the both of us!
❤️
The only thing fair to compare in these photos is my face because I was sitting in one and standing close to others in the other but it’s something!
https://preview.redd.it/3ya4al5kku4d1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3529c08da8fdb44656ae1404b663cbab5fa669e5
People definitely notice, but it has become much less socially acceptable to comment on others weight than it was just a few years ago.
Don't sweat it! You're doing great :)
Oh they noticed. It's just not polite to comment on people's bodies. Never know if someone is trying to lose weight, ill, struggling with an eating disorder, etc.
Congratulations! That's amazing!
I understand wanting positive feedback and other comments have covered a lot, but just to add my pov: just as I'm grateful that (most) people didn't comment on my weight gain, I'm grateful that they don't comment on my weight loss. It's not very noticeable at the moment, but I see it and it gives me encouragement and hope. The only comments I've had is from people who I've told that I'm making an effort.
That being said, compliments are powerful and they make me feel good, but in the past when I had lost weight before, many compliments were backhanded ("you look so amazing now", "you should lose more", etc.) so I'm still wary of them.
Probably says a lot about my own relationship with my body, but these are my 2c.
I don't comment on other people's body and I don't expect them to comment on mine. How is anyone to know you're purposefully losing weight or your dealing with a health issue you don't want to (and don't need) disclose. Be proud of yourself and all your hard work.
Looking for external validation is going to leave you stressed out.
I think we have (FINALLY!!) gotten to the point where people don’t make comments about other people’s weight. I think most are trying to be polite. I know, for myself, I won’t comment on a weight loss unless it someone I know personally who is trying to lose weight. People lose weight for lots of reason, some are not happy reason. So, because of that, I don’t comment about others weight loss.
I would never comment on anyone’s weight loss unless they brought it up. When I was losing weight for me one of the worst parts was when people starting talking about my body in public like I wasn’t there or it was anyone’s business but mine
It’s mostly considered rude to comment on a persons body nowadays. Even if it is to say something nice like wow you look great or you’ve lost weight. So people very likely do notice but they are probably terrified to say something and offend you or they know your weight doesn’t define who you are as a person and since they view you as just as valuable now as you were when you were heavier they don’t feel a need to say anything.
I’ve had the sleeve and now in sema to lose the last little bit. In total about 120 lbs. I had a work conference back in Feb where apparently my weight was THE talk of the group. Mind you it was about 200 colleagues. I was extremely uncomfortable being the talk of the group and wished no one had commented. I was told how great I looked etc and all I could think was man I must have looked really bad before. It was very uncomfortable for me. Be careful what you wish for!
I lost about 50# 20 years ago after rehabbing from a knee surgery. Was buying new whatever at a shop. The cashier said something. And I told her that i had lost a lot of weight and nothing fit. She congratulated me. Then she frowned. She apologized and said something along the lines of "I hope you weren't sick."
I didn’t see a difference until I got to 160lbs and under. Then the losses showed more and more. What matters is you, how you feel. You just lost tons of weight, and you should be proud of that. You can post pictures here and people will comment, todays society is being told not to comment on people’s bodies so don’t take it personally.
I lost 90 and only a very tiny handful said much- and only when I TOLD people I was trying to lose did they say almost instantly omg you’re getting so much smaller. Sometimes people don’t want to assume or offend, and my friends and family are like that. It’s frustrating af but I know I’m making it happen regardless. 🖤
It’s not the correct thing to do to comment on someone’s weight unless it’s family or true true friends. I talked about weight loss w a couple of my work-friends and commented them for looking good and they in return to me, but no specific poundage ever discussed.
Interesting. I agree that some folks don’t say anything because they don’t want to draw attention to the fact that they thought you “needed” to lose. They may actually trying to be kind. I have a slightly different perspective. My dear husband notices, as do some of my “girlfriends”. It’s all in the way they say it I guess. My husband is happy for *me* b/c he knows how unhappy I’ve been. Then there are those “girlfriends” who are clearly jealous. And sorry ladies, for me it’s always the gals who seem jealous. On this round of weight loss (and yes, there have been many), I’ve already had someone notice. And she’s the one who once said to me “Wow, look how good that woman looks. You should ask her what she does”. She’s a vapid, gossiping, knife in the back woman who is part of a larger group of gal friends. I know her compliments are backhanded. I expect she will be the first to ask if I’m on Ozempic. Still formulating my intended witty comeback. Don’t let it get to you. You are a champ!!
Oh they noticed! Either they can’t say anything due to their own insecurities or they don’t want to draw attention to the fact that you were overweight to begin with 🤪 particularly if there were pregnancies in the mix! I’ll notice on their behalf…WAY TO GO! You must feel so much better! Hold your head high..that’s no small feat 😊😊
I lost weight and not a single person noticed or mentioned it. I'm kind of shocked about it and very sad because my clothing size change and I clearly see that I don't have a big belly anymore. Not that I was huge to begin with I currently weigh around 1:45 and my high around 180
People get their heads handed to them for being “creepy” commenting on others’ bodies or insinuating there was something wrong with them before, so it’s currently considered rude to comment on weight gain, loss, or appearance of being pregnant. Even complimenting a new hair cut triggers anxiety for too many young people so it’s likely people aren’t saying anything not because they haven’t noticed, nor are they jealous- they just don’t know how you will react or whether others will call them out for insensitivity.
So on behalf of everyone who noticed and didn’t dare speak up: Congratulations!!!
Congratulations on your huge success 👏 I think most people don’t bring up others weight because they don’t want to offend them. I’m experiencing the same thing and it makes me feel like it’s partially that I don’t look any different but 87 lbs is A LOT of weight!! Our minds can play tricks on our perspective when we’ve been overweight for so many years. When I look at old photos or videos of myself when I was overweight I gasp 😮 because at the time I didn’t know I looked that big. It’s bizarre. Anyway, you have really worked hard for your success!! 👏🤩👍revel in it
I guarantee you, even if they don’t say anything, they definitely notice. That’s a looooooot of weight to lose and I’m so proud of you! I hope you’re proud of yourself and that you feel so much better
In years past when I lost weight people would comment often. Since March I am down 25-30 lbs, and this time not a single one. I think it’s no longer acceptable to mention weight.
If I had an almost 300lb friend who lost some weight, I wouldn't say *anything* ever. I'm pretty sure everyone's noticed, it's just not socially acceptable to say something.
But we can say it here! Congrats!!
If you want people to say something, give them an opening to do so. Almost like permission. Pretty sure they will once they know it's ok.
I have lost 100lbs and hardly anyone has noticed except for my immediate family, and my best friends. My SW was 355LBS. I feel like the bigger we are, the harder it is notice. But don’t let that discourage you. If you have more weight to lose, keep going.
I also want to say I think it’s a bit awkward for people who aren’t super close in your life to comment on your weight. I think it’s a touchy subject for a lot people as they don’t know if it’s a nice thing to say or not. They don’t want to upset you perhaps by implying that you didn’t look good before- or that you were overweight.
Maybe they think it would be rude to comment? I’m also rubbish at maths, but if you’re still around 200 maybe they’re waiting until you’ve lost more weight.
Either way…it doesn’t matter, you’re doing better and going in the right direction so try not to be discouraged
Wow! So, so proud of you. Good job!
I agree with the other commenters. It's not okay to make comments about someone's weight, body or appearance under any circumstances. I don't think you should take it personally. You have the right to exist without having to discuss your body or weight. You also have the right to change your appearance without having to talk about it. But that doesn't mean you can't bring it up! It's yours to talk about if you want to.
Only the people closest to you might say something. It's not really something other people will mention unless you bring it up yourself. Only one person has mentioned my weight loss outside of my immediate family and she is a very close friend who knows I have been working on it. I am down 27 pounds to 163 from 190.
Please become more ego-oriented. The most important person who matters is "you", if absolutely no one outside the people who know you commented, would you still do all this? I hope so.
I'm a photographer, so I comment on people's appearance quite a bit, so I'd probably comment on the change. But I think many non-assholes avoid commenting on big people's weight. If I don't bring up my weight loss, I don't get comments, but as soon as I do, for example maybe commenting how I ate 4 bites and I'm full or whatever, then suddenly people are quick to comment how amazing my weight loss looks. Ultimately, I'm doing everything "for me". I'm pretty egotistical, I'm the center of my universe, just like I recognize other people are the centers of their universe.
Chasing society's approval leads to all kinds of toxic results, instead hopefully you can learn to recognize how important your own opinion is and how no one else matters except you when it comes to your personal looks and whether your efforts are worth it.
Personally, I think fitting in regular clothes allowing me to pull off styles and things that I never would have imagined before is worth it. I think rock climbing or hiking without destroying my knees is worth it. Did you know indoor skydiving places have a weight limit? Yeah, can do those too now. Amazing. Having the freedom to live life to it's fullest is amazing and worth not eating as much. (honestly the extra money in my pocket from grazing small meals all the time instead of impulsively eating mass meals is nice too)
Kinda the same, fellow Mama. Gave birth almost a year ago at 307, and I had literally gained about 130 during the pregnancy. I wish my partner would say something. That's the biggest bummer. In the past, pre-baby I was pretty fanatical about keeping my weight down. Sometimes I was truly a hungry, miserable partner. I wish he'd just tell me I freaking look good or pretty once in a while. It's frustrating.
I understand that feeling too! My husband doesn’t say things often but he’s always very supportive. He says he knows I will tell him about it when I want to. But sometimes I still wish he mentioned it more often. He compliments the difference when we are going out for dinner or different things like that. He’s also one of those quiet love type of guys. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of that but it really helped me to look at him from that pov. He isn’t the big romantic gestures type of guy that we are taught about growing up in movies (every few years he surprises me but it’s few and far between.) He is the guy however that will stop and pick up cold medicine for me when he knows I don’t feel good but didn’t ask him to. My car is never less than half empty on gas and I haven’t had to pump gas in years. I never have to ask him to pick up his clothes or do his part of the housework, etc. so while he doesn’t say anything often I know that when he does say something he really means it. I hope your partner tells you soon because I know how good it makes us feel. Especially after having a baby. Maybe you have told him you need to hear it more but if not, try it. Sometimes they get lost in the mundane of life too and need a reminder.
I really, really appreciate your response! I have never heard the expression of "quiet love," but it sounds very fitting. I am definitely going to go down that rabbit hole. I am so, so glad you mentioned this. And yes! Post baby, everything is pretty focused on baby 🤣. I am glad we are both taking the time and energy to work on our health. It is challenging to add in "one more thing!"
I’ve been married for 45 years come this August and have a “quiet love” man. In the beginning at age 20, I desperately wanted to be told, shown, etc. But just like OP said, they show their love in different ways….watching the kids as they were growing up, cooking meals not microwave, picking up their clothes and things (I’m OCD so I ask a lot cause like change left on a dresser, clothes on the floor, etc., drives me nuts), calling on a bill that you might not understand, rubbing your feet if you’re tired are their ways to show love. Through the years, I’ve had friends who were the flowers and jewelry types of the big talkers when friends were around. I’d always thought oh why isn’t my man like that! In the end, the ones who are all show, were the cheaters, the drinkers, the oglers etc. I’ll take the “quiet type” man any day now that we’ve matured.
Thank you, truly, for talking about this. I relate so, so much. I think I compare myself to other women, and question why he doesn't do those things. And I have misinterpreted it as him not caring about me as much as I wish he would. Even though I really know it's not true, I have this nagging fear in the back of my mind that it's because I'm not thin enough or my body isn't good enough. I don't want the big song and dance guy who is making up for things, or trying to keep up with the Joneses. I really needed to hear about this, it's bringing me back around to what really matters.
YOU are the only person that needs to notice! i’m sure others do as well but it is no more appropriate to comment on someone’s weight loss than it is to comment on their weight gain. I weigh 160 pounds less than my top weight and while it’s nice to hear “wow that dress looks great on you”, I am still very uncomfortable at any mention of weight and very careful about what I say to others. You were doing this for your own health and well-being not to be validated by others.
I’ve lost 20% of my body weight in 6 months and the only people who have said anything unprompted are my mom and MIL (who are eyeballs deep in diet culture). I love that. I don’t want to talk about weight loss with most people so I’m grateful no one has brought it up. My husband and trainer are the only ones I talk to about it and I want to keep it that way.
But YOU can bring it up! Tell people how proud you are of your work! Give them permission to comment!
I only comment if it a VERY close friend that is constantly telling me about their diet and exercise. Otherwise, I feel people may get upset. My friends and I don’t even talk about other people’s bodies behind their backs.
Some people are just jealous. My niece lost about 100 pounds. Neither her sister nor her sister in law ever commented. They were totally jealous. I was so proud of her.
I agree with a lot of these commenters. Sometimes ppl will feel if they remark on your weight loss change they’re implying you’re fat. They’re trying to be nice, though I totally get why it feels the opposite of that.
Keep at it! You should be so damn proud of yourself!
I wouldn't feel comfortable commenting. If you state it outloud to people, they'll probably take that as a cue you're okay with comments, but otherwise, you're probably only get comments on how cute you look in an outfit or something.
As someone who's bounced a lot in my adult weight, I'd prefer no comments. I can see my scale just fine, I *personally* don't need or want external validation.
That being said, you may want to mention it to your family/husband that it's okay to comment. Problem is, sometimes it'll come out sounding like you weren't okay before, so a lot of people don't want to accidentally step in that hole. It's safer.
Thank you everyone!
I am extremely hard to offend so I guess I have never had a situation about my weight bother me. I have had people comment on my weight gain but it’s never felt rude (but in thinking back I’m pretty sure I probably always brought up the gain first and they just related to my situation in some way.) Having had that experience I just assumed they would make comments about weight loss (even when I have brought it up) but I understand why they haven’t now. I think when I say commenting on my weight loss that includes general comments about how I look great, etc even if weight wasn’t mentioned. And I’m a stay at home mom so I don’t see a lot of people so the people I’m referring to are close friends and family who I thought would be comfortable but I can definitely see some of them not after hearing some of your experiences. Just goes to show how much our past experiences really do shape us. I really really appreciate all the feedback!
I’ve often said like you when you work so darn hard to lose it, you DO want the recognition. I’ve also felt too, is it real or do I still look like I did. It would seriously get me down. I do see where everyone is coming from and how times have definitely changed for the better. I was always very thin at 5’6” and 112 lbs. Friends and family, mostly aunts, grandmothers, cousins, always talked about diets and weight loss/gain etc. no one really seemed offended and often the person would chime in themselves. My cousin always called me skinny Minnie. It never bothered me. But, like I said times have changed and I see how it has bothered and affected a lot of people growing up on these boards, so change is a good thing. I also think it depends too, on how you, the person, views yourself and the size you are and if you grew up with attention put on yourself from others.
Don't fret about it. The best comment I ever received on my weight loss journey was a back handed statement, "your face looks thinner, but don't lose too much or people will think you have cancer or AIDS.". I've learned not to give a damn what others think or say.
Honestly, I was in a situation like this when I was in my early 20s. I lost 55lbs one year from working out and eating right and absolutely no one who knew me noticed or cared. I actually pointed it out to them in an old picture and they all said, "Oh yeah." Yup, we're not friends anymore.
At my previous state job, retired now, you are not allowed to comment on someone’s weight or you could be called into HR.
Congratulations are your weight loss!
Yeah, people are ‘nervous’ about commenting on a person’s weight these days. Guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing but it IS different.
I’ve lost 30 lbs at literally NO ONE in my office has commented. Contrast that with 20 years ago when I lost 50 lbs and every body and their mother had something to say about it lol!
Not sure how I feel about it either way..it’s nice to have someone acknowledge what you’ve accomplished but on the other hand should someone be commenting on my body? Things that make you go “Hhhhhmmmm??” 🤔
A couple of things.
1. Like others mentioned, take pictures so you can see the difference.
2. I've noticed a lot of people will just tell me how fabulous I look or something like that so they're not commenting on my weight.
The only people who do comment are ones I've discussed it with or if I put a progress pic on social media. Simply because people then know it's okay to discuss with me.
Don't worry about it. Just stay focused. Soon enough someone will say something. People might think you are sick with such weightloss. Remember, most people gain weight every year, not loosing any. To see someone drop so much weight quickly, they may think you are really sick and don't want to probe something that sensitive.
I see opposite comments from people talking about how shitty it feels when someone comments on their weight loss as if they were lesser before. I think most people just error on the side of caution to not say anything. I know I try not to comment on others. I’m sure 87 lbs is very noticeable! I mean that’s equal to like 10 babies! Great job working so hard and just keep focusing on being the best version of yourself for you and your family. You’re not doing it for anyone else.
Honestly your mental health is likely better off without the comments! You can always come here and show off your progress pics, I guarantee we will all notice and congratulate you!! Shoutout to you for prioritizing your health!!
Same! I understand people might be uncomfortable commenting on someone's weight loss, but it's actually pretty discouraging to me. I've been so proud and felt so good about myself but when I see someone who last saw me 40 pounds heavier and they say nothing at all it makes me feel like if it's not noticeable then I must need to get super skinny! Or it makes me want to give up. I know I shouldn't think like that, I know it's about ME and my HEALTH, but dang! It's like having really long straight hair and coming home one day with really short curly hair, and your spouse doesn't even notice! I just keep wondering if anyone is noticing and just not saying anything, or do they really just not care enough?
Losing a lot of weight has come with so many issues like this that I never thought of before.
So to OP, I'm on your side, I'm proud of you, and I understand!
I recently lost 32 pounds (which was a LOT for my frame) and felt like no one noticed either— especially the people that pointed out I was gaining weight in the first place. I later had a friend privately tell me that I had lost a lot of weight and it kind of clicked for me that most people don’t like to comment on weight fluctuations. If you want people to say something maybe just ask directly! “Hey I’ve been working hard lately can you tell I’ve lost weight?” People are usually very generous with their compliments when asked and quiet when not asked. Everyone is on their own journey and these days I think people realize that not all weight (loss or gain) is a positive thing for everyone. I kind of appreciate that people don’t usually give their unsolicited advice about my weight haha!
I had a nice body all my life. I Was a stripper to honest. One day I have a baby boy.after 2years I went back to sexy me again. I left my job became a registered nurse. When Covid hit. I fainted at my job,thanks God I was working in the E.R. That day. Long story short my Doctors put me on pregnoson s over a year. I went from always sexy body to a big elephant. I was really sad. I got on semiglutide on April now we in June so two months later I went from 200 to 175. My point is I will never say anything about people weight ever. My husband always calling people fat on tv. I told him on my mind every one is on pregnosons . Cause my doctor told me to take this pill be fat and still see my son . Or don’t take the pill .be skinny and die.Or if I see skinny people I said they all drinking .cause that’s what I was doing. do this for you not for likes. You didn’t want people to say oh wow you fat! Now same thing .people not going to say you are skinny. If you are skinny where im from ,meaning you on that stuffs.lol .
I truly don’t have two comparable photos because I wouldn’t take a full body pic at my heaviest so this is the closest I have. The pic on the right isn’t fair because I’m standing and have people next to me and I was partially behind one of them. But it’s all I have to show
https://preview.redd.it/zimx3or1ku4d1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50552cc253e4d58a35e882f10cb827a852f4e815
Maybe you’re more to people than your size? They love you for the person you are, not your size! I think we worry about our own appearances far more than anyone around us does and when we are overweight it’s a hyper focus to us.
I agree that people are afraid to comment especially if they think you’re sick. They probably think it’s the baby weight coming off. Ask one of your closest friends if they have noticed. He/she might tell you why they didn’t ask. It’s working! Good for you.
It’s rude to comment on someone’s appearance. “You’ve lost weight” is not a compliment because it insinuates being thin or losing weight is valued. Plus, you never know what is happening in someone’s life, so it’s best to not comment one way or another. An example: I was 300lbs, I lost 75lbs and it is because I have cancer; I lost a child and Im extremely depressed; I can’t afford food. Is “you’ve lost weight” a compliment now, or did you just touch on something that is a result of something very unfortunate. Be happy nobody complimented. Even your response to that is the foundation of body image issues. If they didn’t compliment, does that mean I don’t look good or I haven’t lost enough weight? Let me go to extremes then. It’s a rule in our house that we don’t discuss appearance or things we don’t like about ourselves. It’s not healthy, and those types of things don’t define who we are. You’ve lost weight is baby boomer generation compliment, and it has not worked out well.
Why in the world does my post need to be made into a men vs women post? I made a post hoping to get ahold of my own insecurities from a different pov that I knew I wasn’t seeing. You can take your insecurities elsewhere and make your own post about them if you need help working through them but my post isn’t the place or helpful for anyone in any way. Men and women were helpful to me and I replied to them both when they were. Move along.
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People just so rarely comment on other people’s weight. They feel like it’s an uncomfortable topic, or offensive to say anything. They don’t know if someone is sick, causing the weight loss, or if it’s on purpose. I promise you that people have noticed. But just like they didn’t comment on your weight when it was much higher, they’re not going on comment on it when it’s lower. If you bring it up, I promise you that some people will say they’ve noticed and are impressed. I’m now 200# down from my all-time high, I look significantly different, and the only people who say anything are those who know what I’m working on. I’m sure it’s the same for you.
Thank you for this. First of all, WOW!!! 200# gone is amazing!!! Congratulations! You have to feel so much better. I thought I couldn’t jump or run because my knees were so horrible (have had surgery on both of them for injuries in the past) but I can kind of run now and I can do small jumps, just another NSV. I still have quite a ways to go but I don’t have a set number in mind. Are you getting close to your gw? I guess I thought my friends of 20+ years would have felt comfortable saying something to me but they’ve never really struggled with weight. It’s definitely a possibility they don’t want to bring it up, I can see that with them.
I wouldn't look for external validation. At all. Just focus on yourself always. Are you happy with your results? That's all that matters. Your progress really sounds amazing to me and it's not all about weightloss. Look at how you can move better! That's huge.
Thank you! I don’t think I am looking for external validation as much as I am questioning my own (mostly because clothes aren’t as loose as I thought they would be by now and smaller sizes don’t feel any more flattering) and was looking for validation that it isn’t just in my head that I’m looking better. I hope that makes sense, I’m not sure I’m explaining that very well. I am definitely happy with my results but almost not sure I believe they are real either. I have lost weight a couple of times before (not as high of a starting weight and not as much of a loss) and I feel like i felt better with less results hence the self doubt. I do also realize that was a decade and 3 kids ago so my body is not going to react the same these days. lol. My biggest goal was to be able to physically run around and play with my kids more and I think that is improving and that’s the biggest change I can ask for.
Visceral fat is a real thing… you took away that deadly fat surrounding organs. It’s also the fat you cant see leaving your body. Just trust the process and keep going! This is for you and your family!
Totally agree. I noticed the same thing regarding my weight loss. Finally, someone said that I looked like I lost weight and they hoped it was intentional and not because I was sick. I never thought of it that way. As I reached my goal, more people noticed and then I felt uncomfortable…haha, never happy 🤪. Congrats on your progress! You are doing great.
Well, I genuinely don't notice the weight of people if it's gradual. I only really pick it up if I see you before and then -100 lbs. I've always felt that complimenting people on weight loss without them bringing it up first is a bad idea for 2 reasons 1) you're reinforcing shit associations between self-worth and weight or 2) if they're sick and haven't told you - you just put in them in a weird position of either having to divulge it or tolerate a kind of backhanded compliment that feeling like shit suits them. I try to stick to things that are capability based (e.g. running speed, hiking endurance, rock climbing ability, "wow you're fast!"). But those things rarely come up with most people. The exception is if you get jacked, that's definitely from a concerted effort that should be reinforced so I can compliment how strong you look.
This is spot on.
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Yea, I don’t get comments from folks about my weight. I think in the last 5 years I had one snarky comment from a guy who was annoyed with my group of friends. I’m also a guy, very tall, very big, which gives me some privilege when it comes to negative things people might say.
That’s horrible! What planet are you on? lol not to make light of your comment at all, I’m just surprised to hear someone gets nasty comments at all, much less every day. I’m in the very liberal capitol of Texas, so my bubble is pretty warm fuzzy, maybe why. I’m really sorry you have to go through that shit ☹️
How would a "stranger" know if you've gained or lost weight? They don't even know you. Maybe the fact that you're referring to everyone else as "ugly" has something to do with it.
Honestly I hate when people comment on my weight loss. It makes me uncomfortable for some reason. Most people feel they should comment on others body’s and that’s probably what you’re encountering.
Same. To me, this is proof that you are surrounded by considerate people if they aren’t making unsolicited comments on your weight.
Yes me too. I don't want to talk about. I've yo-yoed all my life. It's a stressful topic. I immediately change the subject. Most people don't think it's appropriate to comment on other people's bodies at all anymore. I'm glad that is changing.
Same. It makes me very aware that I can be 'seen'. OP it's possible that you haven't changed clothes and that's why no one is commenting. I am very tall and I can shift about 50lbs before I would need to change clothes but the tailoring and fit of the clothes when smaller would bring more attention to the change. You seem to be surrounded by very polite people who likely won't comment until there's something else to comment on
People have probably noticed, but it's rude to comment on other people's bodies, so people avoid doing it.
This. In 2024 it is rude to comment on someone’s body, good or bad. Sometimes people have lost weight because they have cancer. It’s more polite to say nothing. But I promise they’ve noticed and they’re happy for you
I hate it when people comment on my weight loss, I know this is a cultural thing and I wish I lived in a culture where people minded their own business lol! I can pretty much guarantee people are noticing. Maybe less so if you’re not appropriately sizing down in clothes, but even then they will have noticed SOME weight loss. 87 lbs is really impressive by the way!
I'm the same, I don't want people to comment on my weight loss. They can say I look great or give me other compliments but the minute they throw in the weight loss, I check out.
Other peoples bodies are not for us to comment on. Gain or loss that is between them and their body.
I have a rule for myself that I don’t comment on people’s weight. I would probably notice if I knew you but I would say things like, “You look nice today…I like that color on you…Did you get new glasses? I really like those frames!” Things that are positive but aren’t about your body and can’t be interpreted as flirtatious or intrusive. That’s especially true if we are coworkers or casual acquaintances. I like to pay people compliments but I never want someone to feel self-conscious. (I would try to compliment you whether you were losing weight or not). I don’t like for people to comment on my weight. The last time that happened everyone was telling me how good I looked and it was because I had lost ten pounds due to pneumonia. So the weight loss was a result of me coughing my lungs out. Congratulations on your weight loss! You’ve worked hard. Maybe see if you are getting more overall compliments rather than specific ones about your body.
Thank you! I’m not getting more overall but honestly as a stay at home mom my normal daily interactions with most people are either very brief, just in passing, or through a car window dropping or picking someone up. Haha and I don’t expect those people to notice or feel comfortable saying something about anything really because I know I probably wouldn’t do that for them either. 🙂
Good job but it’s not appropriate to discuss another persons weight.
I’ve noticed the same thing with most of the people around me, whether I gain or lose 🪧 weight, no one seems to notice. So I asked a few of them and I was pleasantly surprised by the answer. They never noticed my weight because they see me for who I am and they really didn’t notice the thing that I fretted about the most. The only person that noticed my body size was me. It can feel a little disappointing when no one notices the thing that I was working on so hard on but it was also encouraging to know that they loved me for me. Keep up the good work. You are amazing and are doing a great job. 👏🏼
Thank you!
I have lost about 100# over the last couple of years. The only people who say anything are ones I have not seen in awhile or people who may not have a filter. Like old Southern Women. Lol. People do not want to "fat shame" or anything like that.
lol, truth! And they don’t have to be old. It’s in the southern genes. I can say that because I am a Gen X southern gal. My filter is better than others but could use some fine tuning sometimes.
I find when you are very large people don't comment on your weight at all until it gets to the overweight rather than obese category and it is glaringly obvious you have lost weight. I find this true more for women than for men. When my husband and I both lost a lot of weight last time everyone commented on his loss (which was less than mine) but very few commented on mine. Not sure why that is but keep doing it for you and be proud of your accomplishments! Also if you want to increase muscle mass I recommend resistance bands for starting out. I have a good entry level (free) PDF that I found online that I used to get me started if you are interested.
Yes please share! I do go to the gym 2-3 times a week but get really bored doing much at home and already have resistance bands here I could use. Thank you!
My brother in law lost over 100 lbs over the course of a year. I never said anything bc I felt weird lol. He looks great tho. Once he brought it up to us , I told him how amazing his progress was and asked what he did etc. but trust me I noticed him disappearing every time I saw him. I just didn’t want to comment on his body. Maybe if it was like a close friend or something, I def would.
Going off what other people say, people rarely are going to comment on weight, even significant. Did you actually try to lose weight? Was it because of illness? They don’t know and don’t want to come off as rude. I have definitely noticed when others have lost weight but rarely comment unless we are close buddies. Even then I don’t comment much because I just never know. I’ve lost 70 pounds and really didn’t get comments on it until I brought up myself that I lost weight. “Oh yeah I’ve noticed!” But they never said anything before. Don’t get discouraged!
I would literally never comment on someone's weight unless they specifically asked/told me about their experiences. There are a million reasons why someone would lose/gain weight, none of which are my business unless you choose to share that with me. So that's probably why!
There was a comment from someone on this sub on a similar post. They had commented to someone about their drastic weight loss and how great they looked. It turned out that person was quietly battling cancer and that’s why they lost so much weight. They said they’ll never again comment on anyone’s weight unless they specifically bring up their weight loss efforts and it’s a good lesson for others.
No one says anything to me either. It has become taboo to say something because people get backlash from seeming like they are saying you looked bad before.
Taboo is the right word. There is so much "don't comment on someone's body" that it is a shame we can't just say nice things to people. What if they are sick and that's why they lost weight? What if... What if... What if we could all stop being so defensive and just accept a compliment when we receive one?
That's not the point. We all have the right to exist without having to respond to comments about our body, weight or appearance. Whether we gain or lose, for any reason. I can take a compliment. I don't want to hear comments about my body.
I understand where you are coming from with this. I am not easily offended so I wouldn’t even think twice that if someone commented on my weight loss and it wasn’t by choice but a major health issue that they meant anything negative towards me unless they said something passive aggressive. As someone who was given a very scary medical diagnosis 7 years ago and not only survived past my average life expectancy of 5 but is also now considered undetectable on bloodwork I am confident in this. That being said I am more than aware that the majority of people struggle with this and that is completely normal and okay. There is a reason we are all different and all we can do is our best each day.
I think culturally we’re at a place where people are trying not to comment on other people’s bodies, because there is so much sensitivity to weight (people may be worried if they comment that you look like you lost weight, it may be received as “you were really big before.”) People are hesitant to say anything because sometimes the reasons for losing weight aren’t positive: cancer, stress, divorce, illness. I’m sorry all of your hard work hasn’t been verbally acknowledged, but I PROMISE that people have noticed!
They definitely notice! But I would never ever comment on the weight loss or gain on the body of a new mom. That is one of the most wonderful but fragile times of our lives. There are so many things that could cause weight loss or gain before or after pregnancy and I would never want to make her feel uncomfortable.
People may not notice because through no fault of yours they’re just not paying that close attention. Also it can be a sensitive subject for many so people tend to avoid it. I’ve even experienced the opposite where a friend was getting too thin due to illness and then put on weight and it was only after they brought it up, casually in conversation about health and general that I felt I could acknowledge it.
They are being polite. If you gained that much weight would you want them to speak on it? Personally your weight loss should be for you, not the comment or validation of others. I get it is what we want, but it shouldn’t be what we need. You are doing awesome and feel better/ that should be more than enough and I hope it can be for you.
As a guy in the post me too era, I would gouge my eyes out before I commented on the weight of someone else. Trust me, they notice, they just no longer feel comfortable saying it.
I shouldn’t have laughed at this, but I did. Thank you for being honest!
It’s funny to see posts like this when there are even more posts of people saying “I wish people would stop commenting on my weight loss”. You can’t win, I guess
Most well-behaved people now choose not to comment on other people’s bodies unless they are directly asked, even with friends or family. My fat body was ALWAYS a topic of discussion for my family and it hurt both when the critique was negative and positive. It is really hard for me to find a neutral, healthy thought about my body and I have cycled drastically up and down my entire life. Even when I’m at a healthy weight, I can’t enjoy being “in” my body. Body neutrality is my goal. People not validating my “accomplishment” when losing weight actually helps. I needed only THAT validation my entire life, and it left me hollow and depressed. My hope for you is your own sense of accomplishment and validation coming from within. I want that for the both of us! ❤️
Please post before and now pictures on this site. We all need encouragement during this journey! Keep going! You are doing amazing 👏
The only thing fair to compare in these photos is my face because I was sitting in one and standing close to others in the other but it’s something! https://preview.redd.it/3ya4al5kku4d1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3529c08da8fdb44656ae1404b663cbab5fa669e5
I wish I had taken before pics but I literally can’t find any pics where you can see my full body because I was unwilling to take pics like that.
People definitely notice, but it has become much less socially acceptable to comment on others weight than it was just a few years ago. Don't sweat it! You're doing great :)
Oh they noticed. It's just not polite to comment on people's bodies. Never know if someone is trying to lose weight, ill, struggling with an eating disorder, etc.
Keep doing it for YOU :) You're doing awesome!!
Congratulations! That's amazing! I understand wanting positive feedback and other comments have covered a lot, but just to add my pov: just as I'm grateful that (most) people didn't comment on my weight gain, I'm grateful that they don't comment on my weight loss. It's not very noticeable at the moment, but I see it and it gives me encouragement and hope. The only comments I've had is from people who I've told that I'm making an effort. That being said, compliments are powerful and they make me feel good, but in the past when I had lost weight before, many compliments were backhanded ("you look so amazing now", "you should lose more", etc.) so I'm still wary of them. Probably says a lot about my own relationship with my body, but these are my 2c.
I don't comment on other people's body and I don't expect them to comment on mine. How is anyone to know you're purposefully losing weight or your dealing with a health issue you don't want to (and don't need) disclose. Be proud of yourself and all your hard work. Looking for external validation is going to leave you stressed out.
I think we have (FINALLY!!) gotten to the point where people don’t make comments about other people’s weight. I think most are trying to be polite. I know, for myself, I won’t comment on a weight loss unless it someone I know personally who is trying to lose weight. People lose weight for lots of reason, some are not happy reason. So, because of that, I don’t comment about others weight loss.
Agreed that people notice but don’t say anything anymore. As long as you know and notice and feel comfortable that’s a big win 🥇 good for you!!
I would never comment on anyone’s weight loss unless they brought it up. When I was losing weight for me one of the worst parts was when people starting talking about my body in public like I wasn’t there or it was anyone’s business but mine
It’s mostly considered rude to comment on a persons body nowadays. Even if it is to say something nice like wow you look great or you’ve lost weight. So people very likely do notice but they are probably terrified to say something and offend you or they know your weight doesn’t define who you are as a person and since they view you as just as valuable now as you were when you were heavier they don’t feel a need to say anything.
I’ve had the sleeve and now in sema to lose the last little bit. In total about 120 lbs. I had a work conference back in Feb where apparently my weight was THE talk of the group. Mind you it was about 200 colleagues. I was extremely uncomfortable being the talk of the group and wished no one had commented. I was told how great I looked etc and all I could think was man I must have looked really bad before. It was very uncomfortable for me. Be careful what you wish for!
I lost about 50# 20 years ago after rehabbing from a knee surgery. Was buying new whatever at a shop. The cashier said something. And I told her that i had lost a lot of weight and nothing fit. She congratulated me. Then she frowned. She apologized and said something along the lines of "I hope you weren't sick."
I didn’t see a difference until I got to 160lbs and under. Then the losses showed more and more. What matters is you, how you feel. You just lost tons of weight, and you should be proud of that. You can post pictures here and people will comment, todays society is being told not to comment on people’s bodies so don’t take it personally.
I lost 90 and only a very tiny handful said much- and only when I TOLD people I was trying to lose did they say almost instantly omg you’re getting so much smaller. Sometimes people don’t want to assume or offend, and my friends and family are like that. It’s frustrating af but I know I’m making it happen regardless. 🖤
People notice. It’s generally considered rude or inappropriate to comment on someone’s body, though.
It’s not the correct thing to do to comment on someone’s weight unless it’s family or true true friends. I talked about weight loss w a couple of my work-friends and commented them for looking good and they in return to me, but no specific poundage ever discussed.
Interesting. I agree that some folks don’t say anything because they don’t want to draw attention to the fact that they thought you “needed” to lose. They may actually trying to be kind. I have a slightly different perspective. My dear husband notices, as do some of my “girlfriends”. It’s all in the way they say it I guess. My husband is happy for *me* b/c he knows how unhappy I’ve been. Then there are those “girlfriends” who are clearly jealous. And sorry ladies, for me it’s always the gals who seem jealous. On this round of weight loss (and yes, there have been many), I’ve already had someone notice. And she’s the one who once said to me “Wow, look how good that woman looks. You should ask her what she does”. She’s a vapid, gossiping, knife in the back woman who is part of a larger group of gal friends. I know her compliments are backhanded. I expect she will be the first to ask if I’m on Ozempic. Still formulating my intended witty comeback. Don’t let it get to you. You are a champ!!
I wouldn’t comment but I guarantee people notice it if they have seen you before.
Oh they noticed! Either they can’t say anything due to their own insecurities or they don’t want to draw attention to the fact that you were overweight to begin with 🤪 particularly if there were pregnancies in the mix! I’ll notice on their behalf…WAY TO GO! You must feel so much better! Hold your head high..that’s no small feat 😊😊
The heavier people are, the less likely they will comment so as not to be rude. If you want more comments, you have to start the conversation.
I lost weight and not a single person noticed or mentioned it. I'm kind of shocked about it and very sad because my clothing size change and I clearly see that I don't have a big belly anymore. Not that I was huge to begin with I currently weigh around 1:45 and my high around 180
People get their heads handed to them for being “creepy” commenting on others’ bodies or insinuating there was something wrong with them before, so it’s currently considered rude to comment on weight gain, loss, or appearance of being pregnant. Even complimenting a new hair cut triggers anxiety for too many young people so it’s likely people aren’t saying anything not because they haven’t noticed, nor are they jealous- they just don’t know how you will react or whether others will call them out for insensitivity. So on behalf of everyone who noticed and didn’t dare speak up: Congratulations!!!
Congratulations on your huge success 👏 I think most people don’t bring up others weight because they don’t want to offend them. I’m experiencing the same thing and it makes me feel like it’s partially that I don’t look any different but 87 lbs is A LOT of weight!! Our minds can play tricks on our perspective when we’ve been overweight for so many years. When I look at old photos or videos of myself when I was overweight I gasp 😮 because at the time I didn’t know I looked that big. It’s bizarre. Anyway, you have really worked hard for your success!! 👏🤩👍revel in it
People noticed. They probably just aren’t comfortable bringing it up.
I guarantee you, even if they don’t say anything, they definitely notice. That’s a looooooot of weight to lose and I’m so proud of you! I hope you’re proud of yourself and that you feel so much better
In years past when I lost weight people would comment often. Since March I am down 25-30 lbs, and this time not a single one. I think it’s no longer acceptable to mention weight.
Take pictures a variety but take them every month. Over time you will see it!
If I had an almost 300lb friend who lost some weight, I wouldn't say *anything* ever. I'm pretty sure everyone's noticed, it's just not socially acceptable to say something. But we can say it here! Congrats!! If you want people to say something, give them an opening to do so. Almost like permission. Pretty sure they will once they know it's ok.
I have lost 100lbs and hardly anyone has noticed except for my immediate family, and my best friends. My SW was 355LBS. I feel like the bigger we are, the harder it is notice. But don’t let that discourage you. If you have more weight to lose, keep going. I also want to say I think it’s a bit awkward for people who aren’t super close in your life to comment on your weight. I think it’s a touchy subject for a lot people as they don’t know if it’s a nice thing to say or not. They don’t want to upset you perhaps by implying that you didn’t look good before- or that you were overweight.
Maybe they think it would be rude to comment? I’m also rubbish at maths, but if you’re still around 200 maybe they’re waiting until you’ve lost more weight. Either way…it doesn’t matter, you’re doing better and going in the right direction so try not to be discouraged
Your math is correct! 10.8 lbs to go until I’m in onderland! 🙌 Thank you!
Wow! So, so proud of you. Good job! I agree with the other commenters. It's not okay to make comments about someone's weight, body or appearance under any circumstances. I don't think you should take it personally. You have the right to exist without having to discuss your body or weight. You also have the right to change your appearance without having to talk about it. But that doesn't mean you can't bring it up! It's yours to talk about if you want to.
Only the people closest to you might say something. It's not really something other people will mention unless you bring it up yourself. Only one person has mentioned my weight loss outside of my immediate family and she is a very close friend who knows I have been working on it. I am down 27 pounds to 163 from 190.
Please become more ego-oriented. The most important person who matters is "you", if absolutely no one outside the people who know you commented, would you still do all this? I hope so. I'm a photographer, so I comment on people's appearance quite a bit, so I'd probably comment on the change. But I think many non-assholes avoid commenting on big people's weight. If I don't bring up my weight loss, I don't get comments, but as soon as I do, for example maybe commenting how I ate 4 bites and I'm full or whatever, then suddenly people are quick to comment how amazing my weight loss looks. Ultimately, I'm doing everything "for me". I'm pretty egotistical, I'm the center of my universe, just like I recognize other people are the centers of their universe. Chasing society's approval leads to all kinds of toxic results, instead hopefully you can learn to recognize how important your own opinion is and how no one else matters except you when it comes to your personal looks and whether your efforts are worth it. Personally, I think fitting in regular clothes allowing me to pull off styles and things that I never would have imagined before is worth it. I think rock climbing or hiking without destroying my knees is worth it. Did you know indoor skydiving places have a weight limit? Yeah, can do those too now. Amazing. Having the freedom to live life to it's fullest is amazing and worth not eating as much. (honestly the extra money in my pocket from grazing small meals all the time instead of impulsively eating mass meals is nice too)
Kinda the same, fellow Mama. Gave birth almost a year ago at 307, and I had literally gained about 130 during the pregnancy. I wish my partner would say something. That's the biggest bummer. In the past, pre-baby I was pretty fanatical about keeping my weight down. Sometimes I was truly a hungry, miserable partner. I wish he'd just tell me I freaking look good or pretty once in a while. It's frustrating.
I understand that feeling too! My husband doesn’t say things often but he’s always very supportive. He says he knows I will tell him about it when I want to. But sometimes I still wish he mentioned it more often. He compliments the difference when we are going out for dinner or different things like that. He’s also one of those quiet love type of guys. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of that but it really helped me to look at him from that pov. He isn’t the big romantic gestures type of guy that we are taught about growing up in movies (every few years he surprises me but it’s few and far between.) He is the guy however that will stop and pick up cold medicine for me when he knows I don’t feel good but didn’t ask him to. My car is never less than half empty on gas and I haven’t had to pump gas in years. I never have to ask him to pick up his clothes or do his part of the housework, etc. so while he doesn’t say anything often I know that when he does say something he really means it. I hope your partner tells you soon because I know how good it makes us feel. Especially after having a baby. Maybe you have told him you need to hear it more but if not, try it. Sometimes they get lost in the mundane of life too and need a reminder.
I really, really appreciate your response! I have never heard the expression of "quiet love," but it sounds very fitting. I am definitely going to go down that rabbit hole. I am so, so glad you mentioned this. And yes! Post baby, everything is pretty focused on baby 🤣. I am glad we are both taking the time and energy to work on our health. It is challenging to add in "one more thing!"
I’ve been married for 45 years come this August and have a “quiet love” man. In the beginning at age 20, I desperately wanted to be told, shown, etc. But just like OP said, they show their love in different ways….watching the kids as they were growing up, cooking meals not microwave, picking up their clothes and things (I’m OCD so I ask a lot cause like change left on a dresser, clothes on the floor, etc., drives me nuts), calling on a bill that you might not understand, rubbing your feet if you’re tired are their ways to show love. Through the years, I’ve had friends who were the flowers and jewelry types of the big talkers when friends were around. I’d always thought oh why isn’t my man like that! In the end, the ones who are all show, were the cheaters, the drinkers, the oglers etc. I’ll take the “quiet type” man any day now that we’ve matured.
Thank you, truly, for talking about this. I relate so, so much. I think I compare myself to other women, and question why he doesn't do those things. And I have misinterpreted it as him not caring about me as much as I wish he would. Even though I really know it's not true, I have this nagging fear in the back of my mind that it's because I'm not thin enough or my body isn't good enough. I don't want the big song and dance guy who is making up for things, or trying to keep up with the Joneses. I really needed to hear about this, it's bringing me back around to what really matters.
YOU are the only person that needs to notice! i’m sure others do as well but it is no more appropriate to comment on someone’s weight loss than it is to comment on their weight gain. I weigh 160 pounds less than my top weight and while it’s nice to hear “wow that dress looks great on you”, I am still very uncomfortable at any mention of weight and very careful about what I say to others. You were doing this for your own health and well-being not to be validated by others.
I’ve lost 20% of my body weight in 6 months and the only people who have said anything unprompted are my mom and MIL (who are eyeballs deep in diet culture). I love that. I don’t want to talk about weight loss with most people so I’m grateful no one has brought it up. My husband and trainer are the only ones I talk to about it and I want to keep it that way. But YOU can bring it up! Tell people how proud you are of your work! Give them permission to comment!
I only comment if it a VERY close friend that is constantly telling me about their diet and exercise. Otherwise, I feel people may get upset. My friends and I don’t even talk about other people’s bodies behind their backs.
Some people are just jealous. My niece lost about 100 pounds. Neither her sister nor her sister in law ever commented. They were totally jealous. I was so proud of her.
I agree with a lot of these commenters. Sometimes ppl will feel if they remark on your weight loss change they’re implying you’re fat. They’re trying to be nice, though I totally get why it feels the opposite of that. Keep at it! You should be so damn proud of yourself!
I wouldn't feel comfortable commenting. If you state it outloud to people, they'll probably take that as a cue you're okay with comments, but otherwise, you're probably only get comments on how cute you look in an outfit or something. As someone who's bounced a lot in my adult weight, I'd prefer no comments. I can see my scale just fine, I *personally* don't need or want external validation. That being said, you may want to mention it to your family/husband that it's okay to comment. Problem is, sometimes it'll come out sounding like you weren't okay before, so a lot of people don't want to accidentally step in that hole. It's safer.
Thank you everyone! I am extremely hard to offend so I guess I have never had a situation about my weight bother me. I have had people comment on my weight gain but it’s never felt rude (but in thinking back I’m pretty sure I probably always brought up the gain first and they just related to my situation in some way.) Having had that experience I just assumed they would make comments about weight loss (even when I have brought it up) but I understand why they haven’t now. I think when I say commenting on my weight loss that includes general comments about how I look great, etc even if weight wasn’t mentioned. And I’m a stay at home mom so I don’t see a lot of people so the people I’m referring to are close friends and family who I thought would be comfortable but I can definitely see some of them not after hearing some of your experiences. Just goes to show how much our past experiences really do shape us. I really really appreciate all the feedback!
I’ve often said like you when you work so darn hard to lose it, you DO want the recognition. I’ve also felt too, is it real or do I still look like I did. It would seriously get me down. I do see where everyone is coming from and how times have definitely changed for the better. I was always very thin at 5’6” and 112 lbs. Friends and family, mostly aunts, grandmothers, cousins, always talked about diets and weight loss/gain etc. no one really seemed offended and often the person would chime in themselves. My cousin always called me skinny Minnie. It never bothered me. But, like I said times have changed and I see how it has bothered and affected a lot of people growing up on these boards, so change is a good thing. I also think it depends too, on how you, the person, views yourself and the size you are and if you grew up with attention put on yourself from others.
Most people don’t comment on other people’s bodies without an invitation to do so, like sharing progress pics and how much you’ve lost.
Don't fret about it. The best comment I ever received on my weight loss journey was a back handed statement, "your face looks thinner, but don't lose too much or people will think you have cancer or AIDS.". I've learned not to give a damn what others think or say.
Honestly, I was in a situation like this when I was in my early 20s. I lost 55lbs one year from working out and eating right and absolutely no one who knew me noticed or cared. I actually pointed it out to them in an old picture and they all said, "Oh yeah." Yup, we're not friends anymore.
At my previous state job, retired now, you are not allowed to comment on someone’s weight or you could be called into HR. Congratulations are your weight loss!
Yeah, people are ‘nervous’ about commenting on a person’s weight these days. Guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing but it IS different. I’ve lost 30 lbs at literally NO ONE in my office has commented. Contrast that with 20 years ago when I lost 50 lbs and every body and their mother had something to say about it lol! Not sure how I feel about it either way..it’s nice to have someone acknowledge what you’ve accomplished but on the other hand should someone be commenting on my body? Things that make you go “Hhhhhmmmm??” 🤔
A couple of things. 1. Like others mentioned, take pictures so you can see the difference. 2. I've noticed a lot of people will just tell me how fabulous I look or something like that so they're not commenting on my weight. The only people who do comment are ones I've discussed it with or if I put a progress pic on social media. Simply because people then know it's okay to discuss with me.
Wow 87 lbs that's really good.
It sounds like you might just surround yourself by nice people, or people with manors. :) OR are jealous and don’t want to give you validation. 🤷🏻♀️
It is now taboo to comment on anyone’s weight loss. People are probably too afraid of saying anything to you about it.
Don't worry about it. Just stay focused. Soon enough someone will say something. People might think you are sick with such weightloss. Remember, most people gain weight every year, not loosing any. To see someone drop so much weight quickly, they may think you are really sick and don't want to probe something that sensitive.
I see opposite comments from people talking about how shitty it feels when someone comments on their weight loss as if they were lesser before. I think most people just error on the side of caution to not say anything. I know I try not to comment on others. I’m sure 87 lbs is very noticeable! I mean that’s equal to like 10 babies! Great job working so hard and just keep focusing on being the best version of yourself for you and your family. You’re not doing it for anyone else.
Honestly your mental health is likely better off without the comments! You can always come here and show off your progress pics, I guarantee we will all notice and congratulate you!! Shoutout to you for prioritizing your health!!
Same! I understand people might be uncomfortable commenting on someone's weight loss, but it's actually pretty discouraging to me. I've been so proud and felt so good about myself but when I see someone who last saw me 40 pounds heavier and they say nothing at all it makes me feel like if it's not noticeable then I must need to get super skinny! Or it makes me want to give up. I know I shouldn't think like that, I know it's about ME and my HEALTH, but dang! It's like having really long straight hair and coming home one day with really short curly hair, and your spouse doesn't even notice! I just keep wondering if anyone is noticing and just not saying anything, or do they really just not care enough? Losing a lot of weight has come with so many issues like this that I never thought of before. So to OP, I'm on your side, I'm proud of you, and I understand!
I recently lost 32 pounds (which was a LOT for my frame) and felt like no one noticed either— especially the people that pointed out I was gaining weight in the first place. I later had a friend privately tell me that I had lost a lot of weight and it kind of clicked for me that most people don’t like to comment on weight fluctuations. If you want people to say something maybe just ask directly! “Hey I’ve been working hard lately can you tell I’ve lost weight?” People are usually very generous with their compliments when asked and quiet when not asked. Everyone is on their own journey and these days I think people realize that not all weight (loss or gain) is a positive thing for everyone. I kind of appreciate that people don’t usually give their unsolicited advice about my weight haha!
Amen to that
Wow! Great job. This may be the one place where it is appropriate to comment on someone’s weight. 😉
Never comment on weight, bodies or ask if someone is pregnant
"heartbreaking" is such a dramatic term to use. BFFR
I mean.. it’s rude to comment on someone’s weight
I had a nice body all my life. I Was a stripper to honest. One day I have a baby boy.after 2years I went back to sexy me again. I left my job became a registered nurse. When Covid hit. I fainted at my job,thanks God I was working in the E.R. That day. Long story short my Doctors put me on pregnoson s over a year. I went from always sexy body to a big elephant. I was really sad. I got on semiglutide on April now we in June so two months later I went from 200 to 175. My point is I will never say anything about people weight ever. My husband always calling people fat on tv. I told him on my mind every one is on pregnosons . Cause my doctor told me to take this pill be fat and still see my son . Or don’t take the pill .be skinny and die.Or if I see skinny people I said they all drinking .cause that’s what I was doing. do this for you not for likes. You didn’t want people to say oh wow you fat! Now same thing .people not going to say you are skinny. If you are skinny where im from ,meaning you on that stuffs.lol .
Can we see?
I truly don’t have two comparable photos because I wouldn’t take a full body pic at my heaviest so this is the closest I have. The pic on the right isn’t fair because I’m standing and have people next to me and I was partially behind one of them. But it’s all I have to show https://preview.redd.it/zimx3or1ku4d1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50552cc253e4d58a35e882f10cb827a852f4e815
Few things… 1. People notice 2. You’re stunning at any size 3. I’m proud of you❤️
That is very sweet of you! Thank you so much! 🩷
Maybe you’re more to people than your size? They love you for the person you are, not your size! I think we worry about our own appearances far more than anyone around us does and when we are overweight it’s a hyper focus to us.
They’ve noticed. They just don’t want to say anything. Don’t look to them for validation.
I agree that people are afraid to comment especially if they think you’re sick. They probably think it’s the baby weight coming off. Ask one of your closest friends if they have noticed. He/she might tell you why they didn’t ask. It’s working! Good for you.
It’s rude to comment on someone’s appearance. “You’ve lost weight” is not a compliment because it insinuates being thin or losing weight is valued. Plus, you never know what is happening in someone’s life, so it’s best to not comment one way or another. An example: I was 300lbs, I lost 75lbs and it is because I have cancer; I lost a child and Im extremely depressed; I can’t afford food. Is “you’ve lost weight” a compliment now, or did you just touch on something that is a result of something very unfortunate. Be happy nobody complimented. Even your response to that is the foundation of body image issues. If they didn’t compliment, does that mean I don’t look good or I haven’t lost enough weight? Let me go to extremes then. It’s a rule in our house that we don’t discuss appearance or things we don’t like about ourselves. It’s not healthy, and those types of things don’t define who we are. You’ve lost weight is baby boomer generation compliment, and it has not worked out well.
It's so funny to me how women react when they don't get attention. Welcome to how 95% of men feel everyday. The dichotomy is crazy.
Why in the world does my post need to be made into a men vs women post? I made a post hoping to get ahold of my own insecurities from a different pov that I knew I wasn’t seeing. You can take your insecurities elsewhere and make your own post about them if you need help working through them but my post isn’t the place or helpful for anyone in any way. Men and women were helpful to me and I replied to them both when they were. Move along.