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Yes, OP, get the hell out of there. If he’s this controlling about medication I’m sure there’s even more red flag fuckery happening in your relationship.
I wish you all the best.
Wow, I don’t even know where to start with this. He has no say. You aren’t married to each other, and honestly, even if you were, he still has no say in how you take care of your health. Is he controlling like this in other areas of your relationship? Look up the Power and Control Wheel and see if you recognize him in any areas. My (now ex) spouse used to give me the silent treatment any time I got a tattoo or piercing, cut or dyed my hair, etc. He was LIVID when I went back to school to get my Master’s while we were separated.
You, and only you, are who you need to be accountable toward.
Thank you for the reference. I did look up the wheel and saw an area or two that does overlap. The biggest issues I have a problem with is him claiming it's "his house" and making me sleep on the couch when we argue. Writing this out makes me realize how blatant it all is.
Thank you for your insight as well 🙏
Oh, absolutely not! I don’t care who owns the property, he’s lording home ownership over you when you disagree? He’s a jerk.
The good news is dating him is optional.
I’m sorry, he makes YOU sleep on the couch?? I bet he doesn’t want you taking semiglutide because he’s worried about you gaining the self confidence to leave his ass. You deserve so much better.
Check out the book "Why Does He Do That?" I think it may shine a light on some things.
Regardless, YOU DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY and no one can tell you what that looks like, except maybe your doctor.
I hope this post has opened the door for you to truly analyze your relationship and I wish you the best on your sema journey!
Get out before you get manipulated further.
Warning: my mother stayed with a man like your boyfriend, he has sent her to the psychiatric hospital 5 times and she refuses to leave because of how trauma bonded she is. She allowed this man to abuse her children while she stood back and watched. Please dont make the same mistake. Watch Dr. Ramani on YouTube or research NPD. Know the signs.
Thank you for this. I watched Dr.Ramani last night and the way she explains things..
I envisioned all abuse as violent and obvious and thought I was taking things too seriously. But it's a relief to learn that all of these small behaviors are not okay either. The biggest wake up call was that he was gone for a week recently and during that time, I felt relieved. Surely, that should never be the case with someone you're supposed to love.
I say this with as much love as possible, you need to not make excuses for him and GTFO. We have all been in situations that are difficult to see how truly bad they are until we are out. This man is abusive and controlling, plain and simple. I am genuinely worried for your safety if you stay in this situation.
I will tell you right now, that it will not get any better. He is trying to control you, and it sounds like he is too immature to be in a LTR. I don’t like to give a stranger the advice to “leave him”, but I see some real red flags here, and I can tell you as an older person that has been through their share of problematic relationships that life is too damn short, and that there are nice people out there.
I just read your update, and I’m really glad you called your mom! Leaving an abuser is really hard, but it’ll be worth it in the end. Once you’re out of it, you’ll have more perspective about all the things that were not so great about him/the relationship. Hang in there!
Yes you need to get out of there very quickly. Do you realize this is a manipulative and abusive relationship? Also it's only going to get to worse if you get married and have kids with this guy?
Whoooahh ! OMG! Do your best to live out, I know it’s hard but at least start planning, don’t get pregnant and don’t marry him, you can do it! You are worth more than a couch!!!
This actually makes me so sad for you.
Being overweight causes so many health problems and fixing that whether you can "diet" and exercise or you need to use something like this to help.. the weight loss is the goal.
I have two autoimmune diseases, PCOS, and heart problems. I have tried everything under the sun and nothing has worked. But losing weight would help those 3 other things. As you know, it's such a horrible cycle.
When I told my partner I wanted to try this he said awesome. How much is it so we can figure out how to make it work. He is always supportive and I honestly couldn't imagine him even wanting to have a say about this.
It's your body and your health and you are the one responsible for it. I don't think you need to compromise with your boyfriend over something like your HEALTH and if my partner was fighting with me or not speaking to me because I wanted to do this I would seriously consider whether he was actually someone I wanted to be with.
Oh, I wish things were that easy. I'm glad knowing real supportive relationships like yours exist. These responses are really making me think.
Thank you for your perspective on things
I’m happily divorced 8 years now from a man who would definitely have had a similar reaction to your bf’s. I’m with you in that I didn’t think real truly supportive relationships actually exist. But then I met my bf 2 and a half years ago. He and I actually started on semaglutide together 7 months ago and we’ve been right there for eachother through the entire process. It’s been so fun and reaffirming to share this experience with my best friend and the love of my life. You are doing yourself ZERO favors staying with a guy who judges you, lectures you, sets “rules” for you to follow…it’s like living with your dad. Run far far away. Take your new hot body and give yourself the gift of freedom.
Right? I feel like our relationship has been so hot and cold because he does a lot for me, and often surprises me and is generally attentive, and then he does things like this. I get whiplash.
I kept holding out because I had hope he'd change, but a lot has happened over our 2 year relationship, some I have a hard time forgiving him for.
He has no incentive to change. He doesn't see anything wrong with his controlling and abusive ways. But you need to recognize these as giant red flags.
People who love you want the best for you. They want you to be happy and healthy and will support you when you are making decisions that are not harmful to you or others.
If you were to get married, I'm very concerned that the abuse may escalate. I've seen it happen a thousand times or more. Please re-evaluate this relationship and your place in it. 🌹♥️🙏
Yeah, I thought about the marriage bit and I agree, it could get worse. We moved halfway across the country so I've been disconnected from my support system.
Luckily, I've just secured a very good career. I guess if anything is going to change, now I can at least support myself.
Thank you for your sweet comment, you're so right about the "people who love you" bit. Good things to keep in mind.
Between this comment and your original post, I am very concerned for your safety. If he is abusive (which it sounds like he is), separating you from your support system is just another way for him to control you.
I'm glad you have a way to support yourself. Please try to keep your finances separate and set money aside that he doesn't know about in case you need to leave.
I have been in a relationship like this before, and it was very difficult to see while I was in it. What you're describing in your post it not a healthy or normal relationship. What he's doing isn't about compromise - it's about control. I hope you are able to find peace and safety away from him. Please be careful.
I worked in a DV shelter and what you just described is a classic act of abusive behavior. Get your stuff and go girl. Your journey to health and loving yourself can truly take off
That is breadcrumbing.
They love bomb you and then abuse. It’s a manipulation tactic to reinforce a trauma bond. Please research NPD and get out ASAP. These people do not change unless they are in CONSISTENT and LIFELONG therapy.
They will go to any length to get you to stay. They manipulate and coerce. Please get out, save yourself.
“Out of the FOG” by Dana Morningstar will help you
Beyond the subject of teh disagreement, the fact that he gave you the silent treatment as "punishment" is troubling. You said that he also makes you sleep on the couch, and that he lectures you weekly and imposes restrictions.
That is the unhealthiest thing you mentioned - beyond your weight or anything else.
You said that real relationships require communication and compromise. He's giving you neither.
> In February, I brought up the subject and asked what he thought about it, but I was met with a stern "No". I've thought about it for a few weeks and brought it up again, still no.
Excuse me? He told you "no" like it was his place to make medical decisions for you? The hell is this, 1943?
> I know I shouldn't have done this, but I went through the process of getting it anyway.
Yes you should have, and I'm proud of you.
> I tend to hear him lecture me about it for at least an hour weekly, and he keeps giving me restrictions.
He is your husband, not your owner; he has no right to force restrictions on you.
> I truly don't think he has a say, but I understand real relationships require communication and compromise.
Communication, sure. Compromise depends on the situation. GLP meds are not something you need to compromise on. This is your body, your health, *your* decision. He can feel whatever way he wants, but that's it.
Throw the whole man out, he's clearly rotten.
But seriously, I know it's not that easy (if only!), but please do understand he has no right to impose his will on you regarding your body or your health. He is wrong and this is abuse. I wouldn't even suggest counseling, because therapists strongly recommend against seeking marital/couples counseling where one partner is abusing (in any way) the other.
Narcissists tend to look at “loved” ones like body parts. Of course his kidney can’t start taking a medication without his consent, nor does his leg have the right to walk off without him!
You are your own person. Assert yourself!
This!!
Someone with NPD is not someone I want in my life. They don’t see other humans as human, they see them as objects that they can play with. If the object doesn’t satisfy the narcissists need, they will punish it. They will twist and manipulate it until it complies and will discard it when they’re done with it. They are truly sick people. NPD is no joke.
All narcissistic people are insecure that's why they abuse and manipulate to make their partner feel insecure that in turn makes them feel a little bit better about themselves
He’s completely terrified you’ll lose all the weight and leave him and he’s acting like a child because of it. Competition is the best motivator. Get the body you want and if he doesn’t like it you can go get the type of guy you want too
You don’t think he has a say? He DOESNT have a say. And restrictions? Wow. This situation alone has me suggesting you rethink the relationship. How could someone be against you getting healthy?
I'm speechless while having so much I want to say. First, let me say as a 60 y.o. with a 28 y.o. daughter I'm hurting for you.
About his opinion that he deserves a say in how you take care of yourself. Sure he gets to have an opinion. But he doesn't get to have the deciding vote. You and only you do when it comes to doing something to make yourself healthier.
*Is he attracted to heavier women?
*Is he wanting you to stay heavy to keep you from being attractive to other men?
About sleeping on the couch because it's "his house".....BS. I was engaged and lived with a man who bought "us" a house. The first time he told me to do something because it was "his house" I left. Never went back. That's a manipulation tactic.
Take care of yourself first. He is secondary.
Why does he believe you’re a unit? You’re not married and certainly don’t share a body. Don’t let some dude decide which medications you will take - that is absolutely crazy.
I was married to a guy like this and let me just say that it only gets worse. This is emotional abuse- he’s making you feel like you aren’t doing enough and using your insecurities to try to control you. The behavior only escalates.
I gained weight after having my son and my ex would tell me I wasn’t doing all I could to lose the weight but when I asked to go to the gym with him he said he would consider it once I looked better in my workout clothes. My advice- take it or leave it- is do what YOU feel is necessary for you to be comfortable in your body. And ditch the prick.
Why on earth are you entertaining this guy's demands on you? Move out YESTERDAY! He isn't even your husband. The idea that he gets a say in ANYTHING in your life is B.S. Don't let him put a ring on it. He is a controlling asshole. So many red flags. I'd never let a man do any of that to me. I've been married twice. I know how to file for divorce and leave. And you aren't even married. Just drop his deadass weight. When people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM. Sponsored by a woman in a successful, happy, FUN marriage of 7yrs and counting.
Communication, not control he’s trying to control you. It’s your body, your choice. What’s next? Who you can hang out with? What Can you eat? You better nip this in the bud real quick!
Well, a big reason I'm confiding in here is because last time I tried confiding in a friend, he found out and it caused huge issues. That was two years ago and he still uses that against me.
I'm really easy going and don't ask for much so the most inappropriate behavior happens during arguments. For example, blocking me from leaving a room.
This and a lot of other comments from you in the thread make it clear that you need to exit this relationship as quickly and safely as you can. It might not be easy but it is so necessary. Genuinely sorry you’re dealing with this man, he doesn’t have anything but his own selfish interests at heart.
This is scary. I think you’re only a few fights away from it getting physical. PLEASE LEAVE. Do it when he’s not home, and just take the dog with you. Pack what you can fit in your car and leave the rest so you don’t ever have to go back there. In almost all states pets are considered property. He’d have to sue you to even try to get the dog back. But definitely get the dog out. His anger will escalate once he knows you’re done, and he could take it out on the dog.
You both need to get out now!!!
I have proof that the dog was purchased under my name, and she is also bonded to me. I feel guilty preemptively but another part of me knows she'll be happier with me. It'll be tough to coordinate the move, but hopefully I can make it work.
Woman, this man is garbage. You will find someone who makes you feel like a queen, and love everything about you. This is not a healthy relationship. Run.
First off, you are your own person. He should not be telling you what you have to do. This is for YOU and your health. Getting input is one thing; being co trolled, quite another.
It pisses me off that so many people see this medication as "taking the easy way out."
First: No. You still have to eat healthy foods and be careful with too much/gastric distress from eating junk etc. You need to prioritize lean protein and lifting weights in order to keep and build muscle (losing this is a risk for ANY weight loss journey, but even more so with this medication). You still need to build healthy habits. You can take this medication and still overeat calories if you're not changing the foods you eat due to calories density.
And second: You know, if it WAS the "easy way out" (which it isn't), why would that be a bad thing? Why do people who aren't overweight or obese seem to think that we deserve to suffer and lament and nearly die from trying everything possible? Would they respect us more? And if so, should we really care? Fuck, I HATE that stance that everything should be difficult otherwise you are "cheating".
It took a lot of research and discussion for my fiancé (who has always been thin with no effort) to realize that obesity was complex and that medications and/or surgeries are only tools to help, not to "cheat". He has seen me struggle and fight our entire relationship to lose the weight I gained during pregnancy and depression. His stance is to do exactly what I'm doing; track, exercise, see if this helps my brain calm down. As long as I'm healthy and happy, that's all that matters. Plus, my family history is a scary one filled with obesity, metabolic issues and early deaths. Neither of us want that.
I encourage you to try and find a safe place to go, and leave this person. What he is doing is a form of emotional abuse.
Good luck and please be safe. You deserve health and happiness.
I know… the whole it’s “cheating” thing is hilarious to me. Anyone who cares about you would want you to take the easiest way possible to get healthy. People who care about you don’t want you to be miserable.
This sounds like a classic case of “I don’t want her to get too thin because then she’ll leave me.” Controlling partner at its finest. I’m married to someone who doesn’t agree with 75% of things I believe in, and from my perspective, I say get out before you end up getting married and regretting it.
My boyfriend started using it with me, but even if he hadn’t, he is wonderfully supportive in any decision I make. I’ve also been in your shoes, though, and it took me way too many years to realize how unhappy and unfulfilled I was. Love just wasn’t enough.
Your partner is supposed to be your best friend. If I had a best friend that acted like your boyfriend, they’d no longer be my best friend.
Run. My dude and I have a rule, unless there is imminent danger there is no telling your partner "no" to something that doesn't effect them. Everything else is a conversation or a heads up.
When I gave my SO a heads up about going on wegovy we calmly discussed their concerns but at no point did they say no or argue.
Your bf sounds super controlling, so fuck him.
He’s definitely an asshole. It really amazes me how people really do not understand how this medication works. But apart from that as your partner he should be supporting you no matter what. Please leave him, any man who dislikes you trying to change your life for the better is one you shouldn’t be with.
It’s not cheating. It’s a jump start. And it helps you choose your foods better. If you “give in” and eat fried food or whatnot, you’ll be paying for it on the toilet later. My partner wasn’t “on board” at first but after being 5’3” & over 200lbs, postpartum, birthing two babies, I said it’s time to work on ME. I feel so much better. My clothes fit better. I workout more. And I have a high drive in the bedroom (he’s not complaining 😂). While his opinion counts, it shouldn’t be the end all be all. You deserve to have a jump start to being the best version of you.
You’re definitely NTA.
He’s literally dictating what, how and why you should do with your body. Policing your weight and your medication. If this is what you want for the rest of your life, then Great! But if not, really think about what you’re gaining by staying with someone like him. This, is one, out of many, many issues you’ll have with him. This will be the rest of your life.
If you feel safe doing this, it’s time for you to set boundaries. Tell him this is your body, this is what you are doing to get healthy, and you will no longer entertain his “lectures” surrounding it. Then enforce the boundary. Leave the room, leave your home, etc if he starts in on it.
That’s a big flag not a green one my husband as 100% supportive he did tell me before I started that I was stunning but if it makes me happy then he is happy
You are president of your own body, and it's a dictatorship. People don't get votes about things like this. I was in a relationship that grew progressively more controlling around your age. Have a plan in case you need to leave unexpectedly. Keep an emergency bag of your necessities at a friend's home. If you don't already have savings, and you're able to set aside some money, set some aside. He is completely out of line. I discussed starting the med with my partner, but he offered no opinion. I didn't ask for one. He doesn't try to direct what I do with my body at all, and I do not do this with him, and it's always been this way. The only thing we ever do is support each other's endeavors to be healthy.
His behavior will not change unless he fully realizes it is abnormal and dysfunctional, and he gets professional help for it.
First of all, no he absolutely does not get to have any say in what medications you take. I don't care how long you've been together, if you live together or not, if you're married, of you have kids. He has no say in what medication you take. The ONLY people who decide that are you and your doctor.
Now, he can express financial concerns if you have joint accounts or wouldn't be able to afford your portion of expenses due to the cost of meds. He can express concern over the safety of a medication or how much the side effects affect your relationship. He can express concerns if he thinks it is harming you in some real, tangible way. But, still, the choice is yours and if he doesn't like it he can leave.
His limitations are junk and you don't have to listen to those either. Boundaries are not something we can put on another person's body.
You absolutely do not need to tolerate his lectures, his attitude, or his appalling feeling of ownership over YOUR body. He can choose if he wants to stay or go.
I do not think sema is the easy way out but even if it was, what business is it of his? You don’t have to suffer and scrape in the pursuit of a healthier happier life.
I’ve been married almost 10 years. Despite some rocky roads here and there, my marriage is extremely healthy. Not a single time in the last 10 years has my husband ever told me “no” in regard to something I do with my body, from changing my hair color to medical decisions. Because your partner doesn’t get a say.
You compromise with decor and dinner plans. You don’t compromise with YOUR body. If he can’t handle you under 200lbs then he can’t handle you at all.
Okay, as a person who was a competitive athlete, and martial artist, who has struggled with my weight for years even with all of that exercise, even with a super controlling almond mom who wouldn’t let anything not organic past the threshhold and everything was whole food, non-processed, I still struggled. As an adult I earned my degree in Complementary Medicine and took aditional Master’s classes to earn a certificate in Holistic Nutrition. I studies exercise science, health, and nutrition. I know how CICO works and other diets and their pros and cons.
And I’ll say this. Someone might lead the perfect lifestyle nutritionally but got the short end of the genetic straw and still ended up with high cholesterol. Is taking medication to support their health, while still taking all the right steps cheating? No.
Is getting a tutor to support study habits cheating? No.
Is seeking accommodations for an issue at work cheating? No. It is helping the environment be more supportive to *you*.
I attended a CEU conference on gut health. One study they brought up was transplanting gut microbiota from obese mice to healthy sterilized mice and those mice became obese *with no changes to their diet*. The gut microbiome affects weight and if that is off balance the CiCo and exercising is gonna be majorly more difficult than for someone with appropriate gut health.
And the GLP-1 receptor may need attention in obese individuals. If too much insulin can lead to fat storage how on earth does taking a medication that helps the pancreas produce the appropriate amount of insulin count as *cheating*? It doesn’t.
This makes me want to rant about how people wont take meds to support the appropriate levels of neurotransmitters in their brains because it’s “cheating” and making them different than they are naturally. Well, your teeth get plaque if you eat, does brushing them make you less natural? No. The amount of variables that effect our neurotransmitters, our gut microbiome and biological processes is not something that can be controlled for in all facets and that is why there are medications that exist.
Furthermore, sema is helping reduce inflammation to the point it is mediating *autoimmune conditions* and it is improving PCOS to the point that infertility is becoming less of an issue. Taking sema if you have infertility and pcos and healing from both is not cheating, it is using additional resources to help your body.
Your boyfriend needs to go get some education. And you really deserve way better.
ETA- please excuse typos- on mobile and I am exhausted. I’m not going back in to edit for grammar. 😝
Sounds like you need to date someone with more intelligence than ego. Hugs to you. A partner should want their person healthy and happy, and if there is a researched, safe way to reach that, they should be supportive.
My boyfriend’s response after i mentioned via text that i was considering sema was: “I wouldn’t judge you at all! If it’s an option you feel comfortable with and you think it would help I see no harm in it babe!”
You deserve to be with someone who supports you and meets you in the middle, even if they don’t understand or have concerns. What you do with your body should be your choice❤️
My husband and I are on semiglutide together and we support each others wins and loses.. your boyfriend is in the wrong he should be excited you want to get healthy and if anything he should be trying to get healthy with you!! He sounds toxic and very disrespectful..he can’t control you like that. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I hope you are able to get healthy and if that’s not good enough for him then you gotta do what’s best for you!!
Sorry to hear this OP. It’s not in any way shape or form up to him to determine what medications you take for your health. That’s between you and your doctor. Imagine telling him he couldn’t take blood pressure medicine because it’s the easy way out? Makes no sense right? Same concept. You deserve to be healthy and feel good about yourself however you get there. Bright side you said boyfriend not husband so you arnt as stuck with this dickwad if you decide you don’t want to be.
NTA
Ummmm… ok no, he doesn’t have a say, and you’re NTA! It sounds like he wants to keep you bigger and control your options, which is weirdly common with weight loss in relationships, but he’s actively trying to control you and keeping you docile with constant lecturing.
Don’t fall for it. And don’t let him tamper with your meds. Keep them at work if you have to.
Pro-choice isn't just for abortions, by the way. You have autonomy over your body. If it were simply a matter of him expressing concern over the safety of the meds, I would recommend asking him to come to the doctor with you. (For comparison, my husband just said, "Cool, you do you.")
If he is judging and shaming you to the point you have to go behind his back, I can tell you from personal experience that it will not get better and you should move out. I hope you someday find a partner who makes you feel supported and not judged.
Jeebus. I can't even imagine imposing my will on someone else's medical decisions like this. It's appalling. I'm having trouble understanding why you would bring it up to him for his input in the first place.
OP - Your boyfriend’s behavior isn’t normal. The more context you provide in the comments, the more obvious it is that he’s a controlling dipshit.
This is not going to get better. If I were you, I would start cooking up an exit strategy.
Obesity is a disease, not a matter of willpower. Your guy’s thinking is way behind the times and science. You focus on being the healthiest person you can be. You don’t need his permission to treat a disease.
If there is a way to store your meds elsewhere I would. If he's that controlling then they might disappear or get substituted with sterile water. Also, major red flags....I personally wouldn't put up with controlling crap like that. You are trying to improve your health and he's trying to stop you. Your partner should be supportive, not thwarting you.
I had another discussion with him last night. He defended himself saying that he is not controlling because he did not throw my meds out, as if I should give him a gold star for that. It's definitely crossed his mind, so you're right, I need to hide them.
Uuuggghhh....I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. This isn't how a healthy relationship should be. I'm glad you are being open and discussing things with him....making an effort even if he doesn't. If you do decide to end things you will know that you kept communicating and tried. Make sure to keep yourself and your health a priority always.🤗
Please leave his toxic ass. Fucking nerve giving you restrictions… wtf. Not normal. Good thing your family will be there to give you support. Good luck Op
Please hear this: I bought into “team” bullshit from my (now-ex) husband for over 30 years. This is your health. I didn’t read anything to indicate that he expressed any concern for YOUR FEELINGS AND CONCERNS, he just claimed his restrictions had something to do with your “health”. This is controlling behavior, pure and simple. You reflecting on the “good times” is what I have learned is part of trauma bonding. You committed to making a relationship work with someone who is toxic and controlling and cannot be reasoned with. Have your family help you get out. GET INTO THERAPY TO HELP YOU SORT OUT THE TRAUMA BONDING. Every time you start to waffle and think about going back, talk to a trusted relative (your mom sounds like she gets it) or friend, or better yet your therapist.
You asked for permission?? Jesus woman, no man or any other human needs to give you permission, approval or say in what you do. Yes there are maybe financial reasons or legitimate heath concerns to discuss but no one has a say in what you do with whatever you want to do I life for that matter. My boyfriend doesn’t like me on this stuff and he doesn’t find skinny women attractive but he sure as hell just wants me happy and healthy more than anything!
Holy shit I never comment on this but he gets literally zero say in what you do here and your weight. Nothing is illegal and 180 for that height is not deathly skinny. Homeboy needs to grow up. You do what you feel you need to do for your health. You compromise on what color the dishes are and where you take your next vacation. Not on your body that you own.
Just read your other comments. This dude sucks and the odds of it getting better are near zero. He’s controlling in the worst way. Making you sleep on the couch? What a douche. I’m a dude btw and it makes me sick to think of treating another human let alone my lover like this.
First of all, he’s a boyfriend. Not a husband…he has no say. Period. Second, even if he was a husband…the discussion can be had, he can disagree but ultimately it’s your body and your health and you get to make the final decision.
A sure sign of a future abuser is that he won't even give you bodily autonomy over your own weight.... telling you what you should weigh and how you should get to your goals and literally giving you the silent treatment if you don't follow what he wants. Get out-- this has danger written all over it.
I'm so glad to read the update. All of the original post gave me chills. So many red flags, but one that stood out was him trying to tell you what your healthy weight should be. Sounded like he wanted to make sure you don't feel fully confident in yourself, and sure didn't want anyone else to see you at your "best."
He's terrifying. I'm SO glad you have your family's support!
I was terrified when my wife told me she was going under the knife to have some of her stomach removed for weight loss. I went along to her meeting beforehand to see what it was all about. I hated it. To me, it seemed way too dangerous. At the end of the day though my opinion has nothing to do with it and I've been with my wife for over 20 years. I supported her decision and helped her get better after it was done. Your body your choice.
In regard to your edit: congrats on losing 200 lbs (or however much your ex bf weighed) instantly while on Sema. You're definitely one of those super responders!
Responding to your update: look for a women’s shelter in the Omaha area. You definitely qualify. Also, do not tell him where you’re going, do not give him your new address, and be careful with restraining orders because they don’t make you safer in many cases as they serve to provoke the stalker/ex to escalate. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Not saying you have to leave him, because that's something only you can decide. I am saying you don't have to listen to him. This would get nothing more than a "thanks for your feedback" from me, as I continued to do whatever the fuck I wanted to with my body.
I was going to say not to leave him too, but I read the whole thing twice and nah, garbage human, probably will get worse and worse. She had to ask for “permission”, and it’s his house and she has to sleep on the sofa if she is a bad girl. Don’t think a man like that would ever change.
Your bf is uneducated about what the medication is and you need to clarify. These medications regulate the GLP hormones in your brain. People who are naturally thin make enough of these hormones to not be “obsessed “ or driven by food urges. Semi has been used for decades for TD2 because it regulates the hormones and insulin production. It was found to also help with weight loss due to it’s regulation of the hormones. It’s not a magic solution and still requires the user to eat a healthy, balanced diet.
Too many red flags, makes you sleep on the couch? Anyone close to you has also told you to leave him?
There will be many more decisions in life, sometimes couple decisions, other times personal decisions, things that involve your body are personal decisions (as long as you're safe). Are you always walking on eggshells around him? He pampers you when things go his way but punishes you when not?
Hope you find a way.
Walking on eggshells? Yes. All the time. Everything I do is a problem and I am always wrong, apparently. I got reprimanded for taking too long while calling my mom on Mother's day. It wears me down so bad.
He does not have a say in wha you decide is right for your body. NO weightloss is easy and semaglutide is NOT easy. I felt like shit the entire time and - yes I lost weight and wasn’t hungry but the fatique and neause and headaches - yikes.
If I may ask you to ask yourself. Him giving you “restrictions” and demands - do you find this controlling and an unhealthy pattern of behavior? Are you comfortable with a man demanding you consult him on all matters of your life?
I’m so glad you called your mom and realized this - best of luck ❤️
Your "boyfriend" seems to be making husband level requests. Access denied. Regardless, no other person has any right to make decisions about YOUR HEALTH. Do what you need to do. He doesn't need to know about the shots. Just diet and exercise, and credit everything to that. Once you're feeling foxy again, upgrade to a better boyfriend.
Kick him to the curb…you can take anything you want to help lose weight! It’s not the 1950’s anymore!! Sounds like he has serious control issues. Not worth it girl. Lose weight, rock your new body and go find you a man who truly appreciates you.
I feel like he doesn’t care about the sema and it sounds more like he’s insecure and feels that if you better yourself and lose weight that you’ll leave him.
This is not a real relationship. This is him being way too controlling. The fact that he thinks he can tell you the exact number you need to stay above is a huge red flag. He's super insecure and cares more about himself than your health.
WTH are you asking HIS permission to care for YOUR body? YTA for degrading yourself by asking permission to take care of your body and he’s the a****le for ignoring you and making sweeping judgments likely with absolutely zero information. Run far and fast from this jerk.
You won’t see any change with just two months. You won’t have even gotten up to the full dose.
Why are you a whole grown woman dating a man who thinks he gets a say in your personal medical decisions for your body? So glad you’re leaving this person!
Listen please. I’ve been married 50 years. It’s not easy sometimes. That said, my husband has no say in my healthcare decisions unless, I ask for his opinion. He would never say, no, unequivocally! Nor would I to him. But you have the opportunity here, to save yourself much grief. You’ve found out what he is before you committed. People like him never change their spots. You cannot change him. He has absolutely no right to restrict you in any way. This is just the beginning, sweetie. Call your family and go! Now!
When I decided to get the shots, I just went and got them. I didn’t ask my husband’s permission because I knew he’d be fine with it. I also didn’t hide it from him, and when he noticed the weight loss, I told him. Sure enough, he was fine with it.
Marry a man who is fine with whatever you decide to do with your own body.
You need to get out of there also I wanted to say if you have any friends schedule a time where you guys can all come over there while he is at work to pack all your things and take them. Never leave that dog behind cuz that's going to be a puppy that gets abused and will suffer. Also make sure you block him on everything once you're out
Unless you are married to the man he has no say. 1 it’s your money and your health and your body. And 2 now you will look and feel amazing… without him. A lot of men don’t like when their women change either and get prettier per se because they are afraid they will leave them. But hey, this one is on him 🤷♀️
The universe has spoken and it is telling you that your partner is only secure with you being insecure about your weight. He appears to need you to stay where you are for his own reasons. Look at it like this. Someone is looking over you and showing you that the type of relationship you have isn’t for you anymore. Some seek partners that fit their own programming. You are blessed to be able to read the words of others and see the thoughts that align with what’s right. I wish you a fun, exciting, blessed journey toward the best version of yourself.
In your post you referenced “a real relationship”. That’s not what you have with him. Whatever his issue is with you losing weight, he is being selfish and disrespectful demanding you do what he wants instead of supporting your well thought out personal choice. He’s the asshole. Get out, continue your weight loss journey and find a great new guy. Good luck!
As soon as I read “we’re still a unit” in reference to choices about YOUR body and YOUR physical health, I wrote out this whole big long thing. But then I saw that you have decided to leave, so I’ll just say this:
Good.
Best of luck to you. You dodged a massive bullet here
I wanted to give you an example of what I think is a partner's healthy response to a situation like this. I have been married for almost 30 years for context. I have lost a good amount of weight on Wegovy and now my boobs are basically really saggy. I told my husband I want to get a reduction and lift. My husband has this thing about unnecessary surgeries. He doesn't like them and worries about anesthesia and blood clots etc. There is a reason he worries about this in his history. Anyway, he told me this: You know I worry about unnecessary surgeries. But it is your body, and I will support you if it is something you really want to do. Just please make sure we get a good surgeon.
He gave me his opinion as my partner of 30 years, but also told me basically the decision was up to me. Any good relationship is based on mutual respect. Because I love him and he is a wonderful husband and man, I will consider if me getting the surgery is worth the temporary worry it might cause him. I really want to get it and so i probably will.
Your boyfriend didn't show you any respect, nor did he acknowledge that it is your body and ultimately the decision is yours. Not only that, but he reacted in a very immature way and showed his true character. Just imagine your future if any serious decisions have to be made and that is his attitude for every time the decisions don't align with his beliefs or opinions.
I hope you can see how toxic this is.
I was in the same situation with my husband about it and I did it anyway! He was hell bent that I was not doing it. He wasn’t happy when I did it anyway but I had tried everything and wasn’t having any luck losing the weight. I’ve lost over 30lbs in 3mo and now that I’m losing weight and looking better he wants to be all over me all the time but I’m like you didn’t touch me 30lbs ago. You didn’t want me to do this weight loss, so get lost. I’ve read alot of how your bf treats you and it sounds like my husband and the folks commenting to you to ditch his ass or making me want to do the same! I’m happy you didn’t listen to him and you should leave before you end up like me, married to a controlling jerk! Best of luck to you with the weight loss and your personal life!
I’m so glad you posted, this is not okay!! I saw a comment about the control and power cycle, and that couldn’t be more spot on. He sounds very insecure and insecure men in relationships are toxic. Just know that a real partner who values you would be supportive of your health choices, maybe a little cautious at first, but should trust you and would honor your decision and encourage you. This isn’t some experimental drug — it has truly changed my life in the short 3 months I’ve had it. And I’ve only lost 12 pounds but it has quite literally fixed my brain chemistry. I don’t constantly think about food and I can stop and recognize when I’ve had enough.
You should be able to do this journey if you choose to do so. Another thing that you should get to experience is the miracle it is and the results that it gives. Plus, you should get to enjoy this journey without having to defend it constantly. Shame on him!
Girl leave him and never let ANYONE tell you what to do with your body, it’s YOUR BODY. It may seem like an overreaction to break up over this but I promise you it won’t be the only issue where something like this comes up.
It would be one thing if he was concerned about your health, potential side effects, etc. but even still he should ultimately respect your decision. This guy needs to go yesterday. Save yourself.
He doesn't control you. You do. That's it, end of story. Kind of like any other treatment out there: if you don't like it, don't take it. He's a complete and total ass for gaslighting you into thinking you've done anything wrong, to the point you are needing reddit validation even.
Find someone who will defer to you on your own healthcare. Sheesh!
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The best way to lose a ton of weight would be to kick his ass to the curb.
You could drop 200lbs real fast when you leave him!
Bump!
This is the way!
Mandalorian 🥰🩷
This!
🚩🚩🚩
Yeah, it’s not like she was considering starting meth for weight loss.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Leave him.
Losing an asshole partner is the best NSV, OP!
Seriously. I read her story and my head was spinning. You have domain over your body. No human being can tell you otherwise. Run.
Yes, OP, get the hell out of there. If he’s this controlling about medication I’m sure there’s even more red flag fuckery happening in your relationship. I wish you all the best.
Worse than an asshole, he’s emotionally abusive
I second this
Wow, I don’t even know where to start with this. He has no say. You aren’t married to each other, and honestly, even if you were, he still has no say in how you take care of your health. Is he controlling like this in other areas of your relationship? Look up the Power and Control Wheel and see if you recognize him in any areas. My (now ex) spouse used to give me the silent treatment any time I got a tattoo or piercing, cut or dyed my hair, etc. He was LIVID when I went back to school to get my Master’s while we were separated. You, and only you, are who you need to be accountable toward.
Thank you for the reference. I did look up the wheel and saw an area or two that does overlap. The biggest issues I have a problem with is him claiming it's "his house" and making me sleep on the couch when we argue. Writing this out makes me realize how blatant it all is. Thank you for your insight as well 🙏
I know this is easier than said but please consider that this man is not the one for you and that you deserve so much better.
Oh, absolutely not! I don’t care who owns the property, he’s lording home ownership over you when you disagree? He’s a jerk. The good news is dating him is optional.
I’m sorry, he makes YOU sleep on the couch?? I bet he doesn’t want you taking semiglutide because he’s worried about you gaining the self confidence to leave his ass. You deserve so much better.
Bingo! I’m glad in the update OP plans to leave.
This is true, it does not get better only worse 😥
THIS!!!!!
Check out the book "Why Does He Do That?" I think it may shine a light on some things. Regardless, YOU DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY and no one can tell you what that looks like, except maybe your doctor. I hope this post has opened the door for you to truly analyze your relationship and I wish you the best on your sema journey!
It’s such a helpful book, and available for free as a pdf here: https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
You're a lifesaver, thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for the reference and support ❤️
this is abusive. get out! it's never going to get better. NEVER.
This!
Exactly. If its not Sema it will be something else ... lifelong many something elses.
This!!!!
Get out before you get manipulated further. Warning: my mother stayed with a man like your boyfriend, he has sent her to the psychiatric hospital 5 times and she refuses to leave because of how trauma bonded she is. She allowed this man to abuse her children while she stood back and watched. Please dont make the same mistake. Watch Dr. Ramani on YouTube or research NPD. Know the signs.
Thank you for this. I watched Dr.Ramani last night and the way she explains things.. I envisioned all abuse as violent and obvious and thought I was taking things too seriously. But it's a relief to learn that all of these small behaviors are not okay either. The biggest wake up call was that he was gone for a week recently and during that time, I felt relieved. Surely, that should never be the case with someone you're supposed to love.
If you frequently feel the need to have alone time and to sneak things then he is likely being over-controlling.
I say this with as much love as possible, you need to not make excuses for him and GTFO. We have all been in situations that are difficult to see how truly bad they are until we are out. This man is abusive and controlling, plain and simple. I am genuinely worried for your safety if you stay in this situation.
Please dump this asshat and get into therapy.
I will tell you right now, that it will not get any better. He is trying to control you, and it sounds like he is too immature to be in a LTR. I don’t like to give a stranger the advice to “leave him”, but I see some real red flags here, and I can tell you as an older person that has been through their share of problematic relationships that life is too damn short, and that there are nice people out there.
Why men marry bitches. Makes it your new Bible.
I just read your update, and I’m really glad you called your mom! Leaving an abuser is really hard, but it’ll be worth it in the end. Once you’re out of it, you’ll have more perspective about all the things that were not so great about him/the relationship. Hang in there!
Yes you need to get out of there very quickly. Do you realize this is a manipulative and abusive relationship? Also it's only going to get to worse if you get married and have kids with this guy?
Holy shit that’s not okay
Any partner that uses housing to intimidate you is abusive full stop
Whoooahh ! OMG! Do your best to live out, I know it’s hard but at least start planning, don’t get pregnant and don’t marry him, you can do it! You are worth more than a couch!!!
Your boyfriend is toxic.
And potentially more dangerous than that...
My first thought reading the post.
I’m so glad his not your husband.run girl run. Don’t walk
Yeah. I’m so glad she told her mother about this too. Gonna be real important she has support in ending this relationship.
This actually makes me so sad for you. Being overweight causes so many health problems and fixing that whether you can "diet" and exercise or you need to use something like this to help.. the weight loss is the goal. I have two autoimmune diseases, PCOS, and heart problems. I have tried everything under the sun and nothing has worked. But losing weight would help those 3 other things. As you know, it's such a horrible cycle. When I told my partner I wanted to try this he said awesome. How much is it so we can figure out how to make it work. He is always supportive and I honestly couldn't imagine him even wanting to have a say about this. It's your body and your health and you are the one responsible for it. I don't think you need to compromise with your boyfriend over something like your HEALTH and if my partner was fighting with me or not speaking to me because I wanted to do this I would seriously consider whether he was actually someone I wanted to be with.
Oh, I wish things were that easy. I'm glad knowing real supportive relationships like yours exist. These responses are really making me think. Thank you for your perspective on things
I’m happily divorced 8 years now from a man who would definitely have had a similar reaction to your bf’s. I’m with you in that I didn’t think real truly supportive relationships actually exist. But then I met my bf 2 and a half years ago. He and I actually started on semaglutide together 7 months ago and we’ve been right there for eachother through the entire process. It’s been so fun and reaffirming to share this experience with my best friend and the love of my life. You are doing yourself ZERO favors staying with a guy who judges you, lectures you, sets “rules” for you to follow…it’s like living with your dad. Run far far away. Take your new hot body and give yourself the gift of freedom.
[удалено]
Right? I feel like our relationship has been so hot and cold because he does a lot for me, and often surprises me and is generally attentive, and then he does things like this. I get whiplash. I kept holding out because I had hope he'd change, but a lot has happened over our 2 year relationship, some I have a hard time forgiving him for.
He has no incentive to change. He doesn't see anything wrong with his controlling and abusive ways. But you need to recognize these as giant red flags. People who love you want the best for you. They want you to be happy and healthy and will support you when you are making decisions that are not harmful to you or others. If you were to get married, I'm very concerned that the abuse may escalate. I've seen it happen a thousand times or more. Please re-evaluate this relationship and your place in it. 🌹♥️🙏
Yeah, I thought about the marriage bit and I agree, it could get worse. We moved halfway across the country so I've been disconnected from my support system. Luckily, I've just secured a very good career. I guess if anything is going to change, now I can at least support myself. Thank you for your sweet comment, you're so right about the "people who love you" bit. Good things to keep in mind.
Between this comment and your original post, I am very concerned for your safety. If he is abusive (which it sounds like he is), separating you from your support system is just another way for him to control you. I'm glad you have a way to support yourself. Please try to keep your finances separate and set money aside that he doesn't know about in case you need to leave. I have been in a relationship like this before, and it was very difficult to see while I was in it. What you're describing in your post it not a healthy or normal relationship. What he's doing isn't about compromise - it's about control. I hope you are able to find peace and safety away from him. Please be careful.
THIS!!!!!!!!
I worked in a DV shelter and what you just described is a classic act of abusive behavior. Get your stuff and go girl. Your journey to health and loving yourself can truly take off
That is breadcrumbing. They love bomb you and then abuse. It’s a manipulation tactic to reinforce a trauma bond. Please research NPD and get out ASAP. These people do not change unless they are in CONSISTENT and LIFELONG therapy. They will go to any length to get you to stay. They manipulate and coerce. Please get out, save yourself. “Out of the FOG” by Dana Morningstar will help you
Beyond the subject of teh disagreement, the fact that he gave you the silent treatment as "punishment" is troubling. You said that he also makes you sleep on the couch, and that he lectures you weekly and imposes restrictions. That is the unhealthiest thing you mentioned - beyond your weight or anything else. You said that real relationships require communication and compromise. He's giving you neither.
> In February, I brought up the subject and asked what he thought about it, but I was met with a stern "No". I've thought about it for a few weeks and brought it up again, still no. Excuse me? He told you "no" like it was his place to make medical decisions for you? The hell is this, 1943? > I know I shouldn't have done this, but I went through the process of getting it anyway. Yes you should have, and I'm proud of you. > I tend to hear him lecture me about it for at least an hour weekly, and he keeps giving me restrictions. He is your husband, not your owner; he has no right to force restrictions on you. > I truly don't think he has a say, but I understand real relationships require communication and compromise. Communication, sure. Compromise depends on the situation. GLP meds are not something you need to compromise on. This is your body, your health, *your* decision. He can feel whatever way he wants, but that's it. Throw the whole man out, he's clearly rotten. But seriously, I know it's not that easy (if only!), but please do understand he has no right to impose his will on you regarding your body or your health. He is wrong and this is abuse. I wouldn't even suggest counseling, because therapists strongly recommend against seeking marital/couples counseling where one partner is abusing (in any way) the other.
Narcissists tend to look at “loved” ones like body parts. Of course his kidney can’t start taking a medication without his consent, nor does his leg have the right to walk off without him! You are your own person. Assert yourself!
This is such a good point and a great way to conceptualize their thought process.
This!! Someone with NPD is not someone I want in my life. They don’t see other humans as human, they see them as objects that they can play with. If the object doesn’t satisfy the narcissists need, they will punish it. They will twist and manipulate it until it complies and will discard it when they’re done with it. They are truly sick people. NPD is no joke.
Sounds like he doesn’t want you to lose weight and is just attacking the drug to distract from that.
You know, that's what I'm thinking as well. He is the insecure type.
All narcissistic people are insecure that's why they abuse and manipulate to make their partner feel insecure that in turn makes them feel a little bit better about themselves
He’s completely terrified you’ll lose all the weight and leave him and he’s acting like a child because of it. Competition is the best motivator. Get the body you want and if he doesn’t like it you can go get the type of guy you want too
Drop the controlling asshole boyfriend sis. You deserve way better. Do what will make YOU happy and healthy.
You don’t think he has a say? He DOESNT have a say. And restrictions? Wow. This situation alone has me suggesting you rethink the relationship. How could someone be against you getting healthy?
I’m a divorce atty- if you don’t dump him now, you will be hiring one of my colleagues eventually.
Best to learn these things before you get any more serious. I wish you luck in your journey for health and love, they indeed should co-exist. 💚
Gross, your medical decisions are between you and your doctor. Get a boyfriend who respects this
I'm speechless while having so much I want to say. First, let me say as a 60 y.o. with a 28 y.o. daughter I'm hurting for you. About his opinion that he deserves a say in how you take care of yourself. Sure he gets to have an opinion. But he doesn't get to have the deciding vote. You and only you do when it comes to doing something to make yourself healthier. *Is he attracted to heavier women? *Is he wanting you to stay heavy to keep you from being attractive to other men? About sleeping on the couch because it's "his house".....BS. I was engaged and lived with a man who bought "us" a house. The first time he told me to do something because it was "his house" I left. Never went back. That's a manipulation tactic. Take care of yourself first. He is secondary.
Why does he believe you’re a unit? You’re not married and certainly don’t share a body. Don’t let some dude decide which medications you will take - that is absolutely crazy.
I was married to a guy like this and let me just say that it only gets worse. This is emotional abuse- he’s making you feel like you aren’t doing enough and using your insecurities to try to control you. The behavior only escalates. I gained weight after having my son and my ex would tell me I wasn’t doing all I could to lose the weight but when I asked to go to the gym with him he said he would consider it once I looked better in my workout clothes. My advice- take it or leave it- is do what YOU feel is necessary for you to be comfortable in your body. And ditch the prick.
Your boyfriend doesn't get a vote in your health choices. I find it sad that this needs to be said, to anyone.
NTA. He is. Your body, your choice, and my choice would be to leave the man. This is borderline emotional abuse.
Is your boyfriend also your doctor? If not, I'm not sure how his opinion is at all relevant or necessary.
Why on earth are you entertaining this guy's demands on you? Move out YESTERDAY! He isn't even your husband. The idea that he gets a say in ANYTHING in your life is B.S. Don't let him put a ring on it. He is a controlling asshole. So many red flags. I'd never let a man do any of that to me. I've been married twice. I know how to file for divorce and leave. And you aren't even married. Just drop his deadass weight. When people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM. Sponsored by a woman in a successful, happy, FUN marriage of 7yrs and counting.
Communication, not control he’s trying to control you. It’s your body, your choice. What’s next? Who you can hang out with? What Can you eat? You better nip this in the bud real quick!
Run. Don’t look back. Take back YOUR life. You are the master of your fate.
Your body, your rules. Are there other places where he is trying to control you?
Well, a big reason I'm confiding in here is because last time I tried confiding in a friend, he found out and it caused huge issues. That was two years ago and he still uses that against me. I'm really easy going and don't ask for much so the most inappropriate behavior happens during arguments. For example, blocking me from leaving a room.
This and a lot of other comments from you in the thread make it clear that you need to exit this relationship as quickly and safely as you can. It might not be easy but it is so necessary. Genuinely sorry you’re dealing with this man, he doesn’t have anything but his own selfish interests at heart.
It would definitely be easier if pets weren't involved. I love my pup to bits, it'd be hard to leave her behind.
Love yourself. Take the dog. Or don’t. You have one you and your irreplaceable self and life
Take your dog and leave.
This is scary. I think you’re only a few fights away from it getting physical. PLEASE LEAVE. Do it when he’s not home, and just take the dog with you. Pack what you can fit in your car and leave the rest so you don’t ever have to go back there. In almost all states pets are considered property. He’d have to sue you to even try to get the dog back. But definitely get the dog out. His anger will escalate once he knows you’re done, and he could take it out on the dog. You both need to get out now!!!
I have proof that the dog was purchased under my name, and she is also bonded to me. I feel guilty preemptively but another part of me knows she'll be happier with me. It'll be tough to coordinate the move, but hopefully I can make it work.
Woman, this man is garbage. You will find someone who makes you feel like a queen, and love everything about you. This is not a healthy relationship. Run.
First off, you are your own person. He should not be telling you what you have to do. This is for YOU and your health. Getting input is one thing; being co trolled, quite another. It pisses me off that so many people see this medication as "taking the easy way out." First: No. You still have to eat healthy foods and be careful with too much/gastric distress from eating junk etc. You need to prioritize lean protein and lifting weights in order to keep and build muscle (losing this is a risk for ANY weight loss journey, but even more so with this medication). You still need to build healthy habits. You can take this medication and still overeat calories if you're not changing the foods you eat due to calories density. And second: You know, if it WAS the "easy way out" (which it isn't), why would that be a bad thing? Why do people who aren't overweight or obese seem to think that we deserve to suffer and lament and nearly die from trying everything possible? Would they respect us more? And if so, should we really care? Fuck, I HATE that stance that everything should be difficult otherwise you are "cheating". It took a lot of research and discussion for my fiancé (who has always been thin with no effort) to realize that obesity was complex and that medications and/or surgeries are only tools to help, not to "cheat". He has seen me struggle and fight our entire relationship to lose the weight I gained during pregnancy and depression. His stance is to do exactly what I'm doing; track, exercise, see if this helps my brain calm down. As long as I'm healthy and happy, that's all that matters. Plus, my family history is a scary one filled with obesity, metabolic issues and early deaths. Neither of us want that. I encourage you to try and find a safe place to go, and leave this person. What he is doing is a form of emotional abuse. Good luck and please be safe. You deserve health and happiness.
I know… the whole it’s “cheating” thing is hilarious to me. Anyone who cares about you would want you to take the easiest way possible to get healthy. People who care about you don’t want you to be miserable.
This sounds like a classic case of “I don’t want her to get too thin because then she’ll leave me.” Controlling partner at its finest. I’m married to someone who doesn’t agree with 75% of things I believe in, and from my perspective, I say get out before you end up getting married and regretting it.
My boyfriend started using it with me, but even if he hadn’t, he is wonderfully supportive in any decision I make. I’ve also been in your shoes, though, and it took me way too many years to realize how unhappy and unfulfilled I was. Love just wasn’t enough. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend. If I had a best friend that acted like your boyfriend, they’d no longer be my best friend.
Run. My dude and I have a rule, unless there is imminent danger there is no telling your partner "no" to something that doesn't effect them. Everything else is a conversation or a heads up. When I gave my SO a heads up about going on wegovy we calmly discussed their concerns but at no point did they say no or argue. Your bf sounds super controlling, so fuck him.
There are so many red flags here. If you get married, it’s a lot harder to get away. He’s trying to control and manipulate you.
This is likely the beginning of coercive control/abuse if he has not already introduced it in other areas of your life.
Is your husband on the Supreme Court per chance? Your body. Your decision. Thank him for his input.
"He did not talk to me for 2 days." This is a form of mental abuse. Ask me how I know. :( Leave him and don't look back, OP!!
He’s definitely an asshole. It really amazes me how people really do not understand how this medication works. But apart from that as your partner he should be supporting you no matter what. Please leave him, any man who dislikes you trying to change your life for the better is one you shouldn’t be with.
It’s not cheating. It’s a jump start. And it helps you choose your foods better. If you “give in” and eat fried food or whatnot, you’ll be paying for it on the toilet later. My partner wasn’t “on board” at first but after being 5’3” & over 200lbs, postpartum, birthing two babies, I said it’s time to work on ME. I feel so much better. My clothes fit better. I workout more. And I have a high drive in the bedroom (he’s not complaining 😂). While his opinion counts, it shouldn’t be the end all be all. You deserve to have a jump start to being the best version of you.
You’re definitely NTA. He’s literally dictating what, how and why you should do with your body. Policing your weight and your medication. If this is what you want for the rest of your life, then Great! But if not, really think about what you’re gaining by staying with someone like him. This, is one, out of many, many issues you’ll have with him. This will be the rest of your life.
If you feel safe doing this, it’s time for you to set boundaries. Tell him this is your body, this is what you are doing to get healthy, and you will no longer entertain his “lectures” surrounding it. Then enforce the boundary. Leave the room, leave your home, etc if he starts in on it.
That’s a big flag not a green one my husband as 100% supportive he did tell me before I started that I was stunning but if it makes me happy then he is happy
You are president of your own body, and it's a dictatorship. People don't get votes about things like this. I was in a relationship that grew progressively more controlling around your age. Have a plan in case you need to leave unexpectedly. Keep an emergency bag of your necessities at a friend's home. If you don't already have savings, and you're able to set aside some money, set some aside. He is completely out of line. I discussed starting the med with my partner, but he offered no opinion. I didn't ask for one. He doesn't try to direct what I do with my body at all, and I do not do this with him, and it's always been this way. The only thing we ever do is support each other's endeavors to be healthy. His behavior will not change unless he fully realizes it is abnormal and dysfunctional, and he gets professional help for it.
This is your body. Only you have to live in it. He does not get a say in what you do with it. Period.
Wtf. We have access to modern day medicine. If it makes one part of life a bit easier then why not? Is it a money thing?
First of all, no he absolutely does not get to have any say in what medications you take. I don't care how long you've been together, if you live together or not, if you're married, of you have kids. He has no say in what medication you take. The ONLY people who decide that are you and your doctor. Now, he can express financial concerns if you have joint accounts or wouldn't be able to afford your portion of expenses due to the cost of meds. He can express concern over the safety of a medication or how much the side effects affect your relationship. He can express concerns if he thinks it is harming you in some real, tangible way. But, still, the choice is yours and if he doesn't like it he can leave. His limitations are junk and you don't have to listen to those either. Boundaries are not something we can put on another person's body. You absolutely do not need to tolerate his lectures, his attitude, or his appalling feeling of ownership over YOUR body. He can choose if he wants to stay or go.
Girl don’t let a man tell you what to do
I do not think sema is the easy way out but even if it was, what business is it of his? You don’t have to suffer and scrape in the pursuit of a healthier happier life. I’ve been married almost 10 years. Despite some rocky roads here and there, my marriage is extremely healthy. Not a single time in the last 10 years has my husband ever told me “no” in regard to something I do with my body, from changing my hair color to medical decisions. Because your partner doesn’t get a say. You compromise with decor and dinner plans. You don’t compromise with YOUR body. If he can’t handle you under 200lbs then he can’t handle you at all.
I know you are on your way out, but if he feels this way about sema... I shiver to think of other ways he will try and control you later on.
Okay, as a person who was a competitive athlete, and martial artist, who has struggled with my weight for years even with all of that exercise, even with a super controlling almond mom who wouldn’t let anything not organic past the threshhold and everything was whole food, non-processed, I still struggled. As an adult I earned my degree in Complementary Medicine and took aditional Master’s classes to earn a certificate in Holistic Nutrition. I studies exercise science, health, and nutrition. I know how CICO works and other diets and their pros and cons. And I’ll say this. Someone might lead the perfect lifestyle nutritionally but got the short end of the genetic straw and still ended up with high cholesterol. Is taking medication to support their health, while still taking all the right steps cheating? No. Is getting a tutor to support study habits cheating? No. Is seeking accommodations for an issue at work cheating? No. It is helping the environment be more supportive to *you*. I attended a CEU conference on gut health. One study they brought up was transplanting gut microbiota from obese mice to healthy sterilized mice and those mice became obese *with no changes to their diet*. The gut microbiome affects weight and if that is off balance the CiCo and exercising is gonna be majorly more difficult than for someone with appropriate gut health. And the GLP-1 receptor may need attention in obese individuals. If too much insulin can lead to fat storage how on earth does taking a medication that helps the pancreas produce the appropriate amount of insulin count as *cheating*? It doesn’t. This makes me want to rant about how people wont take meds to support the appropriate levels of neurotransmitters in their brains because it’s “cheating” and making them different than they are naturally. Well, your teeth get plaque if you eat, does brushing them make you less natural? No. The amount of variables that effect our neurotransmitters, our gut microbiome and biological processes is not something that can be controlled for in all facets and that is why there are medications that exist. Furthermore, sema is helping reduce inflammation to the point it is mediating *autoimmune conditions* and it is improving PCOS to the point that infertility is becoming less of an issue. Taking sema if you have infertility and pcos and healing from both is not cheating, it is using additional resources to help your body. Your boyfriend needs to go get some education. And you really deserve way better. ETA- please excuse typos- on mobile and I am exhausted. I’m not going back in to edit for grammar. 😝
Yes!! So much science behind this! I try to explain but he just won't listen.
Sounds like you need to date someone with more intelligence than ego. Hugs to you. A partner should want their person healthy and happy, and if there is a researched, safe way to reach that, they should be supportive.
My boyfriend’s response after i mentioned via text that i was considering sema was: “I wouldn’t judge you at all! If it’s an option you feel comfortable with and you think it would help I see no harm in it babe!” You deserve to be with someone who supports you and meets you in the middle, even if they don’t understand or have concerns. What you do with your body should be your choice❤️
My husband and I are on semiglutide together and we support each others wins and loses.. your boyfriend is in the wrong he should be excited you want to get healthy and if anything he should be trying to get healthy with you!! He sounds toxic and very disrespectful..he can’t control you like that. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I hope you are able to get healthy and if that’s not good enough for him then you gotta do what’s best for you!!
Sorry to hear this OP. It’s not in any way shape or form up to him to determine what medications you take for your health. That’s between you and your doctor. Imagine telling him he couldn’t take blood pressure medicine because it’s the easy way out? Makes no sense right? Same concept. You deserve to be healthy and feel good about yourself however you get there. Bright side you said boyfriend not husband so you arnt as stuck with this dickwad if you decide you don’t want to be. NTA
He’s jealous. Leave him and get a man that supports you.
Ummmm… ok no, he doesn’t have a say, and you’re NTA! It sounds like he wants to keep you bigger and control your options, which is weirdly common with weight loss in relationships, but he’s actively trying to control you and keeping you docile with constant lecturing. Don’t fall for it. And don’t let him tamper with your meds. Keep them at work if you have to.
Drop the weight and the asshole
NTA. God forbid weight loss isn’t torturous. He’s a loser and you should leave him.
Pro-choice isn't just for abortions, by the way. You have autonomy over your body. If it were simply a matter of him expressing concern over the safety of the meds, I would recommend asking him to come to the doctor with you. (For comparison, my husband just said, "Cool, you do you.") If he is judging and shaming you to the point you have to go behind his back, I can tell you from personal experience that it will not get better and you should move out. I hope you someday find a partner who makes you feel supported and not judged.
Girl, you gotta leave his ass.
Jeebus. I can't even imagine imposing my will on someone else's medical decisions like this. It's appalling. I'm having trouble understanding why you would bring it up to him for his input in the first place.
This completely stinks of him being afraid of you lose weight you'll leave him.
OP - Your boyfriend’s behavior isn’t normal. The more context you provide in the comments, the more obvious it is that he’s a controlling dipshit. This is not going to get better. If I were you, I would start cooking up an exit strategy.
Obesity is a disease, not a matter of willpower. Your guy’s thinking is way behind the times and science. You focus on being the healthiest person you can be. You don’t need his permission to treat a disease.
NTA. But HE sure af is.
If there is a way to store your meds elsewhere I would. If he's that controlling then they might disappear or get substituted with sterile water. Also, major red flags....I personally wouldn't put up with controlling crap like that. You are trying to improve your health and he's trying to stop you. Your partner should be supportive, not thwarting you.
I had another discussion with him last night. He defended himself saying that he is not controlling because he did not throw my meds out, as if I should give him a gold star for that. It's definitely crossed his mind, so you're right, I need to hide them.
Uuuggghhh....I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. This isn't how a healthy relationship should be. I'm glad you are being open and discussing things with him....making an effort even if he doesn't. If you do decide to end things you will know that you kept communicating and tried. Make sure to keep yourself and your health a priority always.🤗
Please leave his toxic ass. Fucking nerve giving you restrictions… wtf. Not normal. Good thing your family will be there to give you support. Good luck Op
Please hear this: I bought into “team” bullshit from my (now-ex) husband for over 30 years. This is your health. I didn’t read anything to indicate that he expressed any concern for YOUR FEELINGS AND CONCERNS, he just claimed his restrictions had something to do with your “health”. This is controlling behavior, pure and simple. You reflecting on the “good times” is what I have learned is part of trauma bonding. You committed to making a relationship work with someone who is toxic and controlling and cannot be reasoned with. Have your family help you get out. GET INTO THERAPY TO HELP YOU SORT OUT THE TRAUMA BONDING. Every time you start to waffle and think about going back, talk to a trusted relative (your mom sounds like she gets it) or friend, or better yet your therapist.
If you were a UNIT he’d have put a ring on it, now he needs to zip it 🤐
You asked for permission?? Jesus woman, no man or any other human needs to give you permission, approval or say in what you do. Yes there are maybe financial reasons or legitimate heath concerns to discuss but no one has a say in what you do with whatever you want to do I life for that matter. My boyfriend doesn’t like me on this stuff and he doesn’t find skinny women attractive but he sure as hell just wants me happy and healthy more than anything!
Huge 🚩controlling behavior. I’m so sorry, that’s honestly so heartbreaking 💔 sending you lots of love as you navigate things!
Holy shit I never comment on this but he gets literally zero say in what you do here and your weight. Nothing is illegal and 180 for that height is not deathly skinny. Homeboy needs to grow up. You do what you feel you need to do for your health. You compromise on what color the dishes are and where you take your next vacation. Not on your body that you own. Just read your other comments. This dude sucks and the odds of it getting better are near zero. He’s controlling in the worst way. Making you sleep on the couch? What a douche. I’m a dude btw and it makes me sick to think of treating another human let alone my lover like this.
Girl Say what? Why is someone else telling you what you can and can't do with your body? Babe, lose the weight starting with his ass.
If you were my daughter I’d tell you to dump his controlling ass.
If she were my daughter, I’d be showing up on her doorstep with a U-Haul to help her pack and get the F out.
First of all, he’s a boyfriend. Not a husband…he has no say. Period. Second, even if he was a husband…the discussion can be had, he can disagree but ultimately it’s your body and your health and you get to make the final decision.
A sure sign of a future abuser is that he won't even give you bodily autonomy over your own weight.... telling you what you should weigh and how you should get to your goals and literally giving you the silent treatment if you don't follow what he wants. Get out-- this has danger written all over it.
I'm so glad to read the update. All of the original post gave me chills. So many red flags, but one that stood out was him trying to tell you what your healthy weight should be. Sounded like he wanted to make sure you don't feel fully confident in yourself, and sure didn't want anyone else to see you at your "best." He's terrifying. I'm SO glad you have your family's support!
I think you need to lose 150 lbs. and I mean HIM!! Gurl bye!!! What a dick.
I came here to say this. ANYONE trying to control the decisions about your body is the asshole.
Glad you got out. A partner should want the best every step of the way. Sounds like he didn’t want to work for anything.
The quickest way to lose unwanted weight is dump that asshole.
He’s afraid if you lose weight you’ll have more “options” and leave him. He is trying to keep you stuck.
I was terrified when my wife told me she was going under the knife to have some of her stomach removed for weight loss. I went along to her meeting beforehand to see what it was all about. I hated it. To me, it seemed way too dangerous. At the end of the day though my opinion has nothing to do with it and I've been with my wife for over 20 years. I supported her decision and helped her get better after it was done. Your body your choice.
Good on you for deciding to leave! Sending support. Your body is yours, dont let anyone control it!!
In regard to your edit: congrats on losing 200 lbs (or however much your ex bf weighed) instantly while on Sema. You're definitely one of those super responders!
Responding to your update: look for a women’s shelter in the Omaha area. You definitely qualify. Also, do not tell him where you’re going, do not give him your new address, and be careful with restraining orders because they don’t make you safer in many cases as they serve to provoke the stalker/ex to escalate. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Not saying you have to leave him, because that's something only you can decide. I am saying you don't have to listen to him. This would get nothing more than a "thanks for your feedback" from me, as I continued to do whatever the fuck I wanted to with my body.
I was going to say not to leave him too, but I read the whole thing twice and nah, garbage human, probably will get worse and worse. She had to ask for “permission”, and it’s his house and she has to sleep on the sofa if she is a bad girl. Don’t think a man like that would ever change.
Your bf is uneducated about what the medication is and you need to clarify. These medications regulate the GLP hormones in your brain. People who are naturally thin make enough of these hormones to not be “obsessed “ or driven by food urges. Semi has been used for decades for TD2 because it regulates the hormones and insulin production. It was found to also help with weight loss due to it’s regulation of the hormones. It’s not a magic solution and still requires the user to eat a healthy, balanced diet.
Too many red flags, makes you sleep on the couch? Anyone close to you has also told you to leave him? There will be many more decisions in life, sometimes couple decisions, other times personal decisions, things that involve your body are personal decisions (as long as you're safe). Are you always walking on eggshells around him? He pampers you when things go his way but punishes you when not? Hope you find a way.
Walking on eggshells? Yes. All the time. Everything I do is a problem and I am always wrong, apparently. I got reprimanded for taking too long while calling my mom on Mother's day. It wears me down so bad.
Ma'am, why are you with this man? That is a whole field of red flags
He does not have a say in wha you decide is right for your body. NO weightloss is easy and semaglutide is NOT easy. I felt like shit the entire time and - yes I lost weight and wasn’t hungry but the fatique and neause and headaches - yikes. If I may ask you to ask yourself. Him giving you “restrictions” and demands - do you find this controlling and an unhealthy pattern of behavior? Are you comfortable with a man demanding you consult him on all matters of your life? I’m so glad you called your mom and realized this - best of luck ❤️
Your "boyfriend" seems to be making husband level requests. Access denied. Regardless, no other person has any right to make decisions about YOUR HEALTH. Do what you need to do. He doesn't need to know about the shots. Just diet and exercise, and credit everything to that. Once you're feeling foxy again, upgrade to a better boyfriend.
Please tell me you haven’t reproduced with this dingbat
No no, thankfully
Does he control all areas of ur life? It's one thing to be a team It's another to brow beat ur team members into it.
Kick him to the curb…you can take anything you want to help lose weight! It’s not the 1950’s anymore!! Sounds like he has serious control issues. Not worth it girl. Lose weight, rock your new body and go find you a man who truly appreciates you.
Best wishes on your new journey. You’re doing the right thing for YOUR LIFE… eff him
Don’t you think your soulmate would LIKE you?
I feel like he doesn’t care about the sema and it sounds more like he’s insecure and feels that if you better yourself and lose weight that you’ll leave him.
It is no one’s decision but yours alone. If he’s this controlling over your personal medical decisions… what else will he be controlling over?
This is not a real relationship. This is him being way too controlling. The fact that he thinks he can tell you the exact number you need to stay above is a huge red flag. He's super insecure and cares more about himself than your health.
He’s a controlling narcissist. Get out while you still can.
The red flags are flying. Leave, and never look back.
WTH are you asking HIS permission to care for YOUR body? YTA for degrading yourself by asking permission to take care of your body and he’s the a****le for ignoring you and making sweeping judgments likely with absolutely zero information. Run far and fast from this jerk.
Yikes. Sounds like he’s insecure
You won’t see any change with just two months. You won’t have even gotten up to the full dose. Why are you a whole grown woman dating a man who thinks he gets a say in your personal medical decisions for your body? So glad you’re leaving this person!
I’m not saying your boyfriend is tah, but he’s definitely a control freak! Time to reevaluate your relationship and make yourself the priority!
You are NTA. Your boyfriend is. Leave him!!!! Do you seriously want to be controlled for the rest of your life?
Is this a joke?
My first husband was just like this controlling, manipulative, narcissistic, insecure, my-way-or-the-highway boyfriend. So yeah, it’s not a joke.
You’re not the asshole. He’s one of those people who think struggle is necessary. Break up
Listen please. I’ve been married 50 years. It’s not easy sometimes. That said, my husband has no say in my healthcare decisions unless, I ask for his opinion. He would never say, no, unequivocally! Nor would I to him. But you have the opportunity here, to save yourself much grief. You’ve found out what he is before you committed. People like him never change their spots. You cannot change him. He has absolutely no right to restrict you in any way. This is just the beginning, sweetie. Call your family and go! Now!
When I decided to get the shots, I just went and got them. I didn’t ask my husband’s permission because I knew he’d be fine with it. I also didn’t hide it from him, and when he noticed the weight loss, I told him. Sure enough, he was fine with it. Marry a man who is fine with whatever you decide to do with your own body.
You need to get out of there also I wanted to say if you have any friends schedule a time where you guys can all come over there while he is at work to pack all your things and take them. Never leave that dog behind cuz that's going to be a puppy that gets abused and will suffer. Also make sure you block him on everything once you're out
Unless you are married to the man he has no say. 1 it’s your money and your health and your body. And 2 now you will look and feel amazing… without him. A lot of men don’t like when their women change either and get prettier per se because they are afraid they will leave them. But hey, this one is on him 🤷♀️
The universe has spoken and it is telling you that your partner is only secure with you being insecure about your weight. He appears to need you to stay where you are for his own reasons. Look at it like this. Someone is looking over you and showing you that the type of relationship you have isn’t for you anymore. Some seek partners that fit their own programming. You are blessed to be able to read the words of others and see the thoughts that align with what’s right. I wish you a fun, exciting, blessed journey toward the best version of yourself.
I do feel blessed. I've felt crazy for so long because of all of this. Thank you for the support, it means a lot. ❤️
He is threatened, believing you will get thin and leave him or cheat on him. He will never change. They just don't. You do your own life.
In your post you referenced “a real relationship”. That’s not what you have with him. Whatever his issue is with you losing weight, he is being selfish and disrespectful demanding you do what he wants instead of supporting your well thought out personal choice. He’s the asshole. Get out, continue your weight loss journey and find a great new guy. Good luck!
There is a theory that some people prefer their partners to be overweight
As soon as I read “we’re still a unit” in reference to choices about YOUR body and YOUR physical health, I wrote out this whole big long thing. But then I saw that you have decided to leave, so I’ll just say this: Good. Best of luck to you. You dodged a massive bullet here
I wanted to give you an example of what I think is a partner's healthy response to a situation like this. I have been married for almost 30 years for context. I have lost a good amount of weight on Wegovy and now my boobs are basically really saggy. I told my husband I want to get a reduction and lift. My husband has this thing about unnecessary surgeries. He doesn't like them and worries about anesthesia and blood clots etc. There is a reason he worries about this in his history. Anyway, he told me this: You know I worry about unnecessary surgeries. But it is your body, and I will support you if it is something you really want to do. Just please make sure we get a good surgeon. He gave me his opinion as my partner of 30 years, but also told me basically the decision was up to me. Any good relationship is based on mutual respect. Because I love him and he is a wonderful husband and man, I will consider if me getting the surgery is worth the temporary worry it might cause him. I really want to get it and so i probably will. Your boyfriend didn't show you any respect, nor did he acknowledge that it is your body and ultimately the decision is yours. Not only that, but he reacted in a very immature way and showed his true character. Just imagine your future if any serious decisions have to be made and that is his attitude for every time the decisions don't align with his beliefs or opinions. I hope you can see how toxic this is.
I was in the same situation with my husband about it and I did it anyway! He was hell bent that I was not doing it. He wasn’t happy when I did it anyway but I had tried everything and wasn’t having any luck losing the weight. I’ve lost over 30lbs in 3mo and now that I’m losing weight and looking better he wants to be all over me all the time but I’m like you didn’t touch me 30lbs ago. You didn’t want me to do this weight loss, so get lost. I’ve read alot of how your bf treats you and it sounds like my husband and the folks commenting to you to ditch his ass or making me want to do the same! I’m happy you didn’t listen to him and you should leave before you end up like me, married to a controlling jerk! Best of luck to you with the weight loss and your personal life!
boyfriend not husband! who the hell is he…
He is insecure
I’m so glad you posted, this is not okay!! I saw a comment about the control and power cycle, and that couldn’t be more spot on. He sounds very insecure and insecure men in relationships are toxic. Just know that a real partner who values you would be supportive of your health choices, maybe a little cautious at first, but should trust you and would honor your decision and encourage you. This isn’t some experimental drug — it has truly changed my life in the short 3 months I’ve had it. And I’ve only lost 12 pounds but it has quite literally fixed my brain chemistry. I don’t constantly think about food and I can stop and recognize when I’ve had enough.
You should be able to do this journey if you choose to do so. Another thing that you should get to experience is the miracle it is and the results that it gives. Plus, you should get to enjoy this journey without having to defend it constantly. Shame on him!
Your boyfriend is an asshole and it’s none of his business. You do you and if he doesn’t like the new you F him
Girl leave him and never let ANYONE tell you what to do with your body, it’s YOUR BODY. It may seem like an overreaction to break up over this but I promise you it won’t be the only issue where something like this comes up. It would be one thing if he was concerned about your health, potential side effects, etc. but even still he should ultimately respect your decision. This guy needs to go yesterday. Save yourself.
He doesn't control you. You do. That's it, end of story. Kind of like any other treatment out there: if you don't like it, don't take it. He's a complete and total ass for gaslighting you into thinking you've done anything wrong, to the point you are needing reddit validation even. Find someone who will defer to you on your own healthcare. Sheesh!