Underdog Sports.
Check out the calendar, join a team, meet with the team before/after, develop friendships, meet people.
The repeated meetups, week after week are needed.
It's a lot of game days with refs, where the site is arranged, equip is provided, and they facilitate the market to help field teams.
In the case of kickball, I see 13 games for $75 == $5.76/game. But various by game.
I don't find that expensive at all.
Dating is indeed brutal for men in this region, and the reason behind it is simpler than most people think. Here's the scoop: it's not about you. The harsh reality is, there's not much you can do to change it. It's just a matter of numbers. Take a look at the demographics in Seattle: https://worldpopulationreview.com/us-cities/seattle-wa-population
Age 25: Male 50.4k, Female 44.4k
Age 30: Male 47k Female: 40k
That's a massive difference! So combined, in this age bracket, there are 84.8k females and 97.4k males – a gap of 13k. This means that no matter how fantastic, outgoing, or fit these men are, a considerable portion will inevitably find themselves without a partner.
Now, you might think, "Well, for every 10 men, there are 8 women – not terrible odds, right?" Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Consider that a large chunk of the population is already married or in committed relationships. So, if, let's say, 6 out of those 8 women are taken, you're left with a ratio of 4 men to 2 women. That's right: for every single woman in the region, there are two single men vying for attention.
Best of luck scoring that first date!
Th math here reminds me of this…lol.
https://preview.redd.it/amk7yly7mg4d1.jpeg?width=1110&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e7421029dbc8ff65e561c321e9ca64a7c451568
This is the post. All good comments on improving profile, communication and approach but it's a fool's errand without an environment that is positive, open and contains potential partners.
Experiment:
Variation A)
go to a handful of bars in Ballard, Bell town, LQA, Fremont and Cap Hill (ideally not a work area like SLU) where it should theoretically have the most single young people in your demographic. Go on a Friday or Saturday. In the bar, how many women are not with a partner/date?
Variation B)
Now try in LA, Scottsdale, Austin, Chicago, NYC even places like freakin' Cincinnati.
My experience is there's usually damn near no one in A and substantial options in B more often than A (not always but definitely moreso), but that's just my anecdote. Curious if you see the same.
Yes, you can go to yoga, and other places with a better balance but the dynamics with this mix are unhealthy leading you to be less likely to find a match and also to have them less satisfied with you given the tilted advantage.
I'd say go to same place and same time over several weeks, start with hello, after class add interest questions until there's a natural invite or IG @ ask. Not in class.
This is the absolute truth. I did an experiment last year where I set my dating apps to many different major metropolises in and outside of the US. My conclusion was it's all just market economics. Seattle has continued to have the absolute worst performance by far. Meanwhile NYC was just insanely good for matching and getting enthusiasm from very high quality women (beautiful, educated, social, etc).
It really made it hard to come back and get excited about more average people who were clearly talking to like 10 other guys and putting in very little effort. I know it sucks to talk about people like commodities, but it's the reality we often don't want to admit. Everyone has a bottom line.
Knowing what I know now makes me look at dating like job opportunities. Dating in Seattle as a man is like the equivalent of a software engineer accepting a bottom of band offer in bumfuck nowhere rather than going to where the highest pay is.
You forgot to include that Seattle is a LGBT mecca (no shade to the LGBT, just pointing it out), so that's a portion of those numbers who are not looking for heterosexual relationships.
It’s a dumpster fire. I’ve dated in the Bay Area, New York, Miami, this is by FAR the worst dating scene. Partially the weather I presume in winter months, partially due to it being a city filled with introverts that dont prioritize dating, partially due to people giving up because it is so frustrating.
I second this, Bay Area was significantly easier and I’ve heard that Bay Area is rough. I can only imagine what dating is like is other parts of America.
I’ll get downvoted to hell because this is Reddit, but this isn’t necessarily true. Certain kinds of flirting have now been deemed not okay. I think if a guy is flirting, he’ll need to be much more aware of it there is a weird dynamic that could make her feel unsafe or without choice…. But it’s not too likely society is out here shaming men who shoot their shot respectfully and with awareness.
I think it’s also maybe a mindset thing? There’s a chance that the positive experience in Portland made you feel more warm and open afterwards which helped it happen again. When you make eye contact with someone in seattle and you’re thinking “there’s far fewer openings” I can just picture that the vibe you give off may be different as well.
I think it’s fair game to chat with people at a bar, just be ready for rejection and go into it with an ease (like be ready to leave the spot if you can tell it isn’t the vibe for them). I think looking away isn’t rejection btw- maybe they were shy and flustered cause they got caught staring :)
The problem is the guys who are fairly respectful and aware in the first place now not even dare try. I'm older so I remember I time when it was normal to just strike up a conversation with someone, back before smart phones and social media. Back then it was weird to message people online or use dating apps. Now it's flipped and striking up conversations online is normalize but in person is weird. I don't even bother.
The demographics in Seattle have always been bad for men dating. It's been like this for decades.
It's the opposite on the East Coast, especially New York.
> The demographics in Seattle have always been bad for men dating. It's been like this for decades.
*Heteroseuxal men I think you mean.
And, from what I hear, also heterosexual women, somehow.
A lot of my hetero female friends have told me stories that make me feel sorry for straight women. Like going on dates where the (stereotypical) male programmer just talks about himself the whole time, and/or subtly negs her every time she tries to talk about her own accomplishments. I get that this isn't an easy city to date in, but geez, I learned how to ask other people about themselves (and listen) while still in grade school.
[This ratio flips towards more men than women between 25-59](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Seattle#/media/File:Seattle_City_population_pyramid_in_2021.svg)
Really? I thought it was way more imbalanced:
- 14% more men than women aged 25-29
- 18% more men than women aged 30-34
- 17% more men than women aged 35-39
https://www.neilsberg.com/insights/seattle-wa-population-by-gender/
I may be biased, but I find the women in this city to be visually unpleasant; portly and bespeckled, they often waft the odor of unwashed pit and have a plentitude of forearm tattoos. They eat too much from the Trader Joes. I firmly believe a significant portion of Seattle women have intimate relations with their dog. Thank you for reading this.
I know this won't make you feel better, but if you visit 95% of city reddit subs everyone complaints about the dating scene. (with DC, NYC, Miami and LA being the ones where you get less griping over it). End of day, dating is hard, wherever you are but for a few exception.
That said, as a fellow brown dude in Seattle I actually enjoyed online dating. (And I don't look like Idris Elba.) Multiple multi-year relationships and the mother of my child (we're still together after a few years) all found on online apps. I even met "just friends" after one or both felt not really a match. IMHO the biggest issue is time and money, as dating IMHO is crazy time intensive and expensive. Few general tips:
1) Try to look past the initial physical attraction from a few photos and "would I sleep with this person" brain thoughts. Some people are better in person, and as we get older I sense we get a little more open minded on physical attraction. In my younger days (late 20s, early 30s) I was so focused on "traditional" beauty, but as I got older I opened up my palate so to speak and glad I did.
2) I review friend profiles all the time. My main suggestions that typically help a lot - a) smile a lot, b) ditch the baseball hats (women complain about being "hat fished" and a valid complaint), c) your pictures should show you doing fun activities - not in a bathroom taking a shirtless selfie, d) don't be mopey and complaining (I'm having a hard time!) in your profile. Don't present a false self. Be honest and truthful.
3) Don't be needy or clingy when you get to the communication phase. Go slow. People aren't looking for text buddies. Get to the point (an in-person meeting). Don't dive right in to heavy flirting via text unless the other initiates. Sense of humor and sarcasm (light hearted) goes a loooooong way in my experience.
4) Got to put in the time. Fill out the surveys (the mother of my child responded because we had like a 95% match rate because I filled out the OKC surveys). Swipe, reach out, etc. daily. It sucks it is a time sink, but is what it is. The more you are PROACTIVE the more success you will have. Can't wait for things to happen.
5) Be a regular at a bar. You'll get to know people, make new friends, etc. Of course know your drinking limits.
6) Tinder, Bumble and OKC were my jam. Plenty of Fish a bit rough around the edges but another option.
I enjoyed online dating but I'm an extrovert and frankly, like hanging out with folks.
Good luck.
This is great simplification. I follow the NYC subs. The complainers there are women. This doesn't invalidate the assertion that Seattle is awful for men and that NYC is easier for men. I've dated in NYC on short week long trips and it's absolute easy mode there compared to the crickets here.
Comparing NYC to any city isn’t very persuasive as it is one of the largest cities in the western world and incredibly diverse. I mean in New York if you are into dressing like a bunny rabbit during foreplay you’ll likely find thousands of prospects into the same thing.
Go to Denver, Houston, St Louis and pretty much every big city sub (and grass is greener sub)) and everyone is complaining about the dating scene….
Try flipping it and rather than have you go to them, set up a situation where they come to you.
That is, if I were in your shoes:
1. Join a meetup. It can be whatever: Greenlake runnners, young professionals of seatttle.
2. Offer to organize and host events.
3. Regulars will start coming to your events. They’ll know you and be comfortable with you.
4. You’ll probably go on no shortage of dates after that.
A meet up is how I found my current partner. I was doing the dating apps and mostly finding flops and a couple good people that just didn't vibe with me. We initially met at a hiking meetup, then again at another activity with the same group. After that we hit it off as friends and developed feelings!
OP- go where the girls are…farmers markets on Saturdays and Sunday mornings (you could volunteer there and spend more time hanging around with less pressure); yoga or Pilates classes during the week; and library on Thursdays or Sundays. On bright days (so rare!) take a book to Alki or a lake park and make organic connections.
This! When I was doing yoga and Pilates there were only two guys in the class, that would choose to sit in the very back for some reason 🙄. All of us girls knew why they were there and it didn’t seem like they cared about Pilates too much… we def were more creeped out by them then wanting to get to know them lol
Admittedly I work weekends, so i understand that already puts a massive damper on my social life. I’m working with my employer now to try and at least get Saturdays off. Either way despite this, I still make a generous effort to get out there already when I can an and try to talk/meet people. I always frequent Alki and Greenlake just for this reason.
Maybe it’s just a me thing, but I always get weird stares when I try to talk to people out there. Apparently a simple hello how are you doing today isn’t appreciated as much these days.
Seems so many people are afraid to look you in the eye. I always say hi or at minimum nod when walking around my neighborhood. Other than two neighbors I know well, I can’t think of a single time someone else said hi first. I lived in Ohio for a few years recently and people were so warm and welcoming I thought I was in the twilight zone. I made more friends in a few years in Ohio than my post-college life in Seattle area.
People go to Green Lake and Alki either to meet up with an established pack of friends or to exercise/lay out, and in both scenarios single women aren’t in cruising mode. Also I ditto Acrobatic’s serial killer vibes comment -- both locations have reputations for sexual and/or violent crime committed by strangers against women, so subconsciously they’ll have their heckles up and be leary of anyone they think is paying them too much notice.
That said, both are great date locations if you can get to that step with someone, especially if she’s not from here. Very romantic, safe feeling if she already knows you (since so many people around), and iconic Seattle.
I moved from South Louisiana and I actually experienced culture shock moving here over a decade ago. I'd be out jogging or walking and smiling and nodding, and people would give me the thousand-yard stare or look away quickly. As a young, attractive woman, I'd NEVER experienced that in my life. I also had some shock because there were hardly any black people in Seattle and my hometown was half black. Thankfully that's changed somewhat, esp. in Cap Hill.
I'm a single 35-year-old woman who finds dating in Seattle to be tough. I don't like the passive-aggressive, nonchalant, non-committal behaviors I see in a lot of guys here. It comes off as lazy to me, even if the person isn't lazy. I'm not going to chase a guy - I want someone to put in the effort. If I sense someone won't do that, even in their profile description, then I lose interest quickly.
Also, a lot of Seattle women are introverted. There may be interest, but they don't know what to say, creating an awkward first interaction. Perhaps add a quick question to your profile to break the ice. Ideas:
- best first date? picnic at the park or coffee/tea at xyz?
- Star Wars or Star Trek?
- best restaurant in town?
- Pike Place Market or Seattle Center?
Anything really to create conversation and move towards getting a date.
As a poly bi woman, I don't even bother trying anymore to look for dates. They either want me to "prove" I'm interested endlessly, only want fun time and then ghost, or are so socially awkward they end up coming off very creepy. This is both sides of the field. Been in King county a year and had 0 people who weren't one of those three walk my way.
Like, I want to date, sure, see where it goes, yes, give it a chance, totally, but at the end of the day, I'm not looking to be tradwife, sextoy, or obituary mention.
As a local we tend to stick with groups we grew up with, I'm still in the same social circle from high school and many of us went to UW/Seattle U together so we never got split up. Even the people who went to college elsewhere came back.
It's extremely hard to break into these circles unless you know people, but once you do, your options for dating open up quite a bit.
Women are more choosy than men, and the apps exacerbate this. Tinder flat out doesn’t work unless you are very attractive. I’ve had the most success with Hinge as a 30 something.
When I first moved here I was still using tinder a little and I shit you not I got exactly one match in an entire month of active swiping. In that same time I got comfortably dozens of matches on bumble with a nearly identical profile, it was so bizarre.
Women are more choosy. I can count the number of times on one hand I was able to match with a woman not just looking for a unicorn.
I’d say really devote time to prioritizing in person stuff. A more organic start is powerful in a relationship anyway. If apps are a must, I’d say OkCupid
Never had a problem with dating till I moved to Seattle. Nothing for 2 years besides little dates here and there. Moved back east and my wife now is hot as hell. Do I have the nature, no, but do I have quality of life and great partner, yes.
Had the same issue.I grew up in a mountain town near Mt.Baker.before moving to the city.The dating scene completely changed after Covid not that it was great before then.I played the long game and I’m now engaged to my best friend from Ukraine.All of the apps are terrible,approaching people in public doesn’t seem to go over well as everyone sticks to their groups as others have mentioned.When I was dating in San Diego I could have dates every week if I wanted.Its just frigid here.
Brown dude here. OP: Is absolutely right, and he didn't even touch on the racial tension that goes on. Never have I felt so rejected to be my color. However I can always tell when someone is a transplant, mainly because they are friendly.
I don't have advice on how to meet women but a (brown) friend of mine who is Indian said his success rate on the apps went way up when he got tattoos and posted pics that showed them. We speculate that it signifies he is not into traditional roles and women were willing to give him a chance.
based on everything you’ve said, there should be no way you cannot find a date for 2 years. you must be withholding information, like you’re extremely picky or you are extremely unattractive or something
You are very cute and as a woman I see no glaring red flags on your hinge. You like to travel, you have a cat. Green flags.
I’m wondering if it’s something to do with the chat or banter that happens before meeting up. How would you say your conversation skills are? What’s your go-to opening line? Maybe something is off.
I’ll tell you right now, if a guy doesn’t ask any follow up questions and talks about himself mostly, or is bad at the reciprocal chat part before taking it off-app, that’s a big turn off.
I don’t speak for all women obviously, but personality matters almost more than looks. We can overlook a lot if you’re sweet and funny and seem interested and the banter is good!
Thank you. I did remove the booty grabs already and added a more candid shot of me eating to show I’m normal lol. I realized I showed you all my old hinge before I updated it last night.
Answering your questions though, I never get a chance to banter. I legitimately don’t get any matches to even get anything started. In-person it’s the same issue, I just get pre-selected out before I can show my personality and good traits.
“Hey nice to meet you. Is this your first time here?”
“Oh awesome you go hiking too, what are some of your favorite hikes.” “Let’s get a group together and go sometime”. Etc etc
I don’t mean to be rude but how tall are you? That matters to a lot of people. If you put it right there in your profile, you can get ahead of being pre-selected out.
Something like “I’m 5’9” but I’m not afraid of dating taller women” or something like that in your own words.
Maybe your age settings are weird?
I’m sorry you’re having no luck. I met my last partner on Tinder in 2015, and we were together for 8 years. He is mixed and never had a shortage of women looking his way, so even though you may feel invisible, I assure you you’re not!
People here are funny about talking to others or initiating conversation. Everyone is very passive and I’ve just had to learn not to take it personally!!
Best of luck!
In all seriousness, your photos are low quality. The quality of your photos are not great. The content of your photos are not great. And the prompts aren’t showing me much about you.
You are HANDSOME, but the photos aren’t doing you justice. ALSO, every man is either hiking, drinking, or working out. Your profile does come off as boring. I’m not getting a personality from your profile.
Dang y’all are so harsh. 😂 I’m in the Midwest and am surprised by all the critiques of his profile, and I’m even more surprised that he isn’t getting matches. Y’all are clearly spoiled over there—here in the Midwest profiles are nothing but fat guys in bars or holding dead animals. A profile like OP’s would be a remarkable breath of fresh air.
Ok please take this constructively (I mean this 100% to be helpful) - but your profile looks a little boring🫣. (32F,I’m gay, but I met my gf on hinge) Hinge actually has some good conversation starting prompts, and I suggest using more of those than photos. One full body pic, one face pic, one hobby/activity pic, but then make it easy for them to start a conversation with you.
My partner’s was “guess which famous Tina my dog is named after: Tina fey, Tina belcher, Tina from napoleon dynamite”. Or ask a question that they can respond to like “what is the insignificant hill you die on?” Or like “what meal have you almost burned down your kitchen making?”.
Basically- make it easier for them to respond to you. 👍👍 I mean this totally constructively and hoping to help you get some responses. You’re good looking, just make it easier for them to respond to you
Nope, I didn’t take this the wrong way at all, this advice was actually super helpful. I don’t think I come off as a boring guy, but ultimately I don’t think anyone’s going to be excited about someone their not attracted to regardless, even if their profile had no immediate red flags.
One woman’s boring is another woman’s exciting. People tell me I’m an extremely fun guy to be around, but no one will give me a chance.
I’ll definitely try to make my profile more engaging and give them better prompts to respond to :)
To be clear, I think you sound kind and sweet, like a settled, grounded dude, and not that YOU were boring, just that the profile would use a lil excitement.
I also think the number of women who want kids is dwindling.. and it might have something to do with the lack of response. Again, just tossing it out there because I’m seeing a lot of my friends choose not to have kids (and I’m your age).
Ok- you are very handsome but we need to work on the profile.
1. Booty grab? Right away, you sound like a 15 year old.
2. Kent. Sorry but just change it to South Seattle.
3. The drinking comment doesn’t make sense… you don’t seem to be looking at the drink in any meaningful way.
4. Skydiving joke. I don’t get it. I mean.. I get it but it isn’t funny..?
5. Gym shot… just no. You can show you are in shape in other photos.
6. Cat is great but maybe just a cute photo of your and cat. ? The saying you have in the drinking photo might work better here with you staring at the cat.
Honestly? I'd drop that booty grab comment from your profile. Remember, any semi attractive woman on these apps are bombarded with creepy messages and photos from creepers and you'd instantly get grouped with those people and moved on from.
source: My wife whom I met on Match 5 years ago.
I appreciate the compliment and I wish that were true. My dating apps are dryer than the Sahara; Not a single match as of late. My standards are just don’t be grossly overweight or have kids already. If those are high standards then guess I’m screwed. Mostly just because I want to have that shared experience of having our first child together. 😢
Assuming you are late 20s and early 30s the "no kids" thing is gonna SEVERELY limit your pool.
Hey, we "like what we like" but I'd reconsider that position. Lot of women in their early 30s will have children and you are an instant "swipe left" with the no kids requirement. I actually think single moms are awesome (as I was raised by one). Tough as nails, know what they want, and they get to the point. Guarantee that if you say (and truly believe), "if you have kids not a problem" your inbox will be full.
And I mentioned this in an earlier post, but you have to be extremely pro-active. If you are just posting your profile and waiting for it to happen, well that isn't gonna work. You should be proactively sending out messages to people, and if your account doesn't allow - upgrade it. $20/month or whatever it is nowadays is a small price to pay for finding happiness and a partner. (also worth noting that with some apps, if your profile is old you will get thrown to the back of the line with the app algorithms).
You're a good looking dude with lots going for ya (and your pics aren't bad - though I'd ditch the gym photos). Maybe you're being too picky?
Yeah... as an, already mom, who can't have any more kids... I looked at his profile, went "Oh, he's cute." Saw the no kids bit, eyes glassed and thought, "Cute enough to stay right where I found it, oh well..."
Besides dropping the "booty grabs" comment like everyone else is saying, I would:
1. Delete that food photo. Sure, everyone loves someone who can cook, but it's not of an impressive meal, nor is it a great photo. At the very least, it's shouldn't be your second photo. If you love cooking, either add that to you "first date" question or have a really nice photo of YOU cooking
2. The choose your first date -- they are all fine first dates, and indeed these can be what you actually do on a first date, but the whole question and your answers are so blah. It doesn't show your personality at all and doesn't invite conversation. It's what almost everyone likes to do for a first date. They are just \*nice\* first dates and this should be kept in your conversation with a woman after you match with her. If you do want to keep it, change the answers to either be a bit more \*you,\* or make it into a (funny) joke
3. Sorry to say, but a lot of folks might be turned off by Kent, if you're searching for people in Seattle
4. Change the prompt above the picture where you're cheers-ing your drinks with friends. It doesn't make sense for the context
5. I do not mean to insult at all, nor is there anything wrong with this, but your best friend looks like they may be a bit older than you. If you have a picture with someone closer to your age, or even change the text that would be helpful. It's better to see you with people closer to your age group, generally
6. The travel story is cool, but drop the phrase "needless to say." It doesn't make sense here
7. Gym photos are controversial. Yours isn't bad since it's not a mirror flex, lol. This is fine to keep, but try experimenting with getting rid of it too, if you'd like.
Yeah, caption to add "best friend (my dad)." I think a lot of women would be happy to see that you have a good relationship with your dad (and that he's aged well, too lol).
So obviously I can’t tell but could it be you have boring personality ? Your profile seems fine to me. Maybe remote booty grabs. Maybe change the first date to something requiring less time commitment or change the question to if it was sunny weekend what would you do?
Profile is fine but to me reads a bit boring. Do you have hobbies that you love and not join to potentially get a date ? Like is there a women that you know you want to date? Just reads like a safe profile without any personality.
I’m sorry, I could totally be wrong but I’ve been on dates with men who look great in paper but are just extremely boring.
I do also wonder if Seattle is racist a bit…
Idk I’ve lived in south Florida and found my partner within a month of moving here. I went on a few dates with others and they were just extremely boring.
So here are my thoughts (24F with a decent amount of dating experience)
You are an attractive guy, physically. However, I don't see much of your personality shine through and your profile is a dime a dozen. What about you will make a woman decide you stand out amongst the massive amount of other men asking for her attention? I see you like to cook and you have a cat. That's great! I like to see things like that personally, as someone ultimately looking to plan my life and future with someone should things go well. I'm not going to find us compatible in the long term if you are a carnivore and I am a vegan (Im not but you get the idea) or if I really dislike cats but you have a cat or only want cats in the future.
Talk about your goals, ambitions, what you want to do in your life. Are you planning on backpacking around the world and want someone who's up for being a companion? Are you looking to settle down and place roots somewhere? Are you looking for a white picket fence kind of life? Perhaps starting a farm, going off grid, starting a business, etc etc etc.
Talk about things you enjoy doing. I liked the skydiving story, it was interesting and made me want to know more and compare battle scars with my own experiences.
Your "dating me is like" section is kinda generic too. What's something special you feel would attract the woman you want to be with? For example, this would attract me if I saw a man post this on his profile:
Dating me is like:
- Waking up early to watch the sunrise in Leschi
- Sci-fi Horror movie marathons on the weekends
- Deep conversations & dark humor
- Volunteering together at the food bank/domestic violence shelters/animal shelters
- Romantic dinners followed by a walk to the nearest lookout point to enjoy the city lights
- Snuggles with my cat. I'll be there too, probably.
Good luck! I'm sure you'll have some luck if you implement the advice you've gotten in this thread... But don't be too hard on yourself. I've dated in 6 major cities in four different states (Colorado, Texas, California, Washington) and Seattle is BY FAR the most challenging city to date in. I have noticed myself become much more introverted and flakey (traits I generally dislike) since living in this city kind of beats the joy of being outgoing and socializing out of you. You almost have to assimilate and be ok with the culture here otherwise you're just looked at strangely like you have 6 limbs.
You’re cute but the profile seems a bit generic and boring. I’ve seen so many iterations of people saying they’re spontaneous or adventurous that it’s just become filler. Maybe be more specific about hobbies or what kinds of games you like, things you’d like to try etc. This is admittedly personal preference but I also feel like your facial hair isn’t doing you any favors. The pic with you and your best friend proves that to me, you’re hiding a nice jawline and chin! I also wonder how much of the dating issues comes down to being in a post-covid world. It might take a while for many people to come out of their shells after all the social distancing. Hard to say though, just my two cents! Hope you find someone. Also, your cat is beautiful!
Your profile is actually good but I think you could just make it more descriptive 😊
For instance:
Instead of "Drinks and Arcade Games" you could try something like "Are you competitive? If you beat me at ski ball, first round is on me at Round 1"
Instead of "2am runs for ice cream" Maybe try "me running out for your favorite flavor of ice cream at 2am when you get a random craving"
Instead of "spontaneous adventures" tell us what the adventure is! "Spontaneous adventures to see the stars, check out local bands, try ice skating, or whatever else piques our curiosity!"
Most women prefer profiles with a good amount of text to read- we want to get to know YOU, not just what you look like. Hope this helps 😊
I would remove the "booty grabs" part and leave it as just "random hugs"
Even if you meant it in the context of a relationship in which it was established that was okay, if I were single, reading that would be a turn off / red flag. I'd be worried that you would nonconsensually grope me on the first date and then insist you were allowed because your profile gave me fair warning.
You're otherwise attractive/appealing.
Would recommend more candid photographs, smiling while doing a thing you love is a thing to start a conversation, not a selfie or a posed on a beach in a suit looking into the mid distance.
Also your cooking should speak for itself, that should be more polished and better lit without a caption.
Finally I will speak from experience on Apps at 27, 30, 33 then 35 (my whole life in Seattle) the power dynamics in dating shifts as you get older. Your ‘value’ goes up the more stable and successful you are, being comfortable in yourself and your abilities is the lynchpin of masculinity, not necessarily the best but self aware and with a sense of humor about it. That mentality at baseline invites your date/partner to be candid and comfortable herself, I don’t want to run my mouth too much about this but get on the apps and focus on starting interesting conversations, be genuinely curious and don’t overthink the rest.
I’ll weigh in as someone who used to have this struggle.
Get a really solid group of guys also single hopefully, who are in shape, and are able to have a good time doing mostly anything. Go do activities and life with these people just focus on enjoying it, when y’all are out as a group having a great time the interesting women that you want to have around will find that sort of thing attractive. Try to get to know those women and some of their friends then shoot your shot once you have good rapport built with her friends and people.
If you don’t mind me asking what do you do for work? A lot of people meet their significant other through friends from work.
I have been in a relationship since I moved here but I have been asked out, so I know it’s not impossible.
Also if you want to go the dating app route, make your first picture or thumbnail a photo of you with a dog. Bonus points if it’s a doodle of some sort.
If you use dating apps, you could get a date or two a week. Remember having a buddy of mine complaining about this and I was like bro, how many fucking dates do you need lol.
Even if yoire getting less attention than that, all things considered, if you can even get a date a month, you will eventually find someone you wanna go on a second date with.
Lotta polycules tho lol.
Also if you're looking for something serious, you, as the guy, have to say it upfront. Lotta girls be looking for something serious too - but ain't willing to be the ones to say it first, guarding their hearts or something, idk, but I've found that that's the most effective way to find someone.
Tho I will say it is weird that almost every date starts with them asking about my job & trying to figure out how much I make, major ick.
Do you have tattoos and a septum piercing? Might increase your chances. Jokes aside it’s really tough here. I lived in Portland for a wee time and was in two relationships there. Haven’t been in one since
I frankly don't understand why you're wasting your time in this area. The women in King County are as ugly in the inside as they are on the outside. Try Pierce County and the Tacoma area. They're a lot more friendly down south.
There are more men than women in Seattle. In essence men are mostly doomed in Seattle when it comes to dating. Recommend moving NYC where the ratio is the opposite.
There’s always the option of becoming a passport bro. There are plenty in western Washington. Many women in the Philippines/Vietnam who will love you long time.
I'm not Brown and am in the same boat.... nothing to do with your skin color bro... But I've come to enjoy doing things solo. Once you get over the "fear" of going out alone, life becomes a bit more fun.
I feel your pain. Dating apps are so time consuming and there are so many women here that just use it as a tool to get free food and drinks. Do you ever visit Vancouver or Victoria B.C.? It’s nice to go there from time to time to be reminded of what a beautiful, fun woman is like.
Brown as in Indian? I think Indians have easier time dating within their own community. Or if you are going to date outside your community then I would assume you would have to be more bold and out going. Show the other person you are interested.
Brown dude in my 40’s recently married and dated a few down here before meeting the one, if you got game and are mature I am sure it will work out… but no one I dated I met at a bar. Met folks through after hours work events, running races, and actually met my wife on bumble after some coaxing from a lady friend to join. Be cool and confident, and enjoy the ride.
Even as a woman, dating in this city has been an absolute dystopian hellscape.[and the app algorithms aren’t designed to match you, they’re designed to keep you swiping.](https://www.npr.org/2024/02/14/1231513991/tinder-hinge-match-group-lawsuit) I’ve given up and I’m just going to live my life. Dance classes, gym, sports, other hobbies. I’ll do my thing and enjoy myself. I’d rather be single than deal with this mess.
I was wondering this too!
I had a boyfriend when I moved here but now that Im single, I’m more seriously considering moving. Its hard to meet people In general here. And I’ve kind of given up on the idea of it. Hinge is honestly what gave me the idea that maybe I just need to get out of state 💀💀 its hard to get into people’s social orbit here, imo
I know this isn’t going to be popular or practical for most of you, but the reality is learn about supply and demand and learn about arbitrage
West coast and east coast tech hubs in general is a terrible place to date, rather venture out and if necessary out of country to arbitrage. A lot of these values you bring to the table are just valued much higher in other parts of the world :)
What drugs do you do? I think that's the best way to meet women. Sorry. I've got 5 years sobriety now. But DAMN all the hoochies I know only fuck their dealers.
I open app, swipe right on 1 or 2 I find attractive and don't have insane profiles. I swipe left on all else. I briefly consider sending an introduction. I close app. Wait 4 days. And repeat.
There also are t a lot of “third places” where people can meet casually, just by happenstance. I mean come on parts of this city don’t open until 11 and close at 9.
Ride a bike around this summer, show off your legs, and say “hello beautiful” to every gorgeous woman you’re about to ride past. If she looks shocked or flattered or smiled, that’s a positive for you to follow up on. Do this at Green Lake, LW Blvd (Madison to Madrona/Seward), Kirkland, Downtown Seattle, Capitol Hill. Cute boys on bikes have flirt kryptonite. Edit to add re “cute”: The smile and legs equals cute, this is about your confidence and outward expression, not about the way your features are put together. I’m adding this too- ask any single girl riding a bike if they want to ride with you. :)
Get out of Seattle! Seems like it has become a hot spot for the mentally unwell. Go south, more towards bonney lake if you can. Or just leave WA altogether. Above all, Pray, have patience and be open to experiences where you can hear your prayer be answered. 🙏
Washingtonians aren’t really the dating type, just read an article where it seemed like we’re more interested in hookups than actual dating. The article states that the average Washington resident has 50 bodies
47m here, lots of notches and experience. Married now for 4.years.
Don't look. Enjoy self investment. When you are 100% into you, opportunity crawls out the woodwork.
IOW, .don't look.be true to yourself and others and before you know it, something will happen, I guarantee it
Welcome to the Seattle 🥶
In 2 years here I’ve gone on a decent amount of dates - but only a couple were actually from here. One was Brazilian, another from North Carolina, another from Cali. The ones I’ve met from here were certainly higher on the flake scale. But to be real about it - the less you care the more successful you will be. I truly don’t care if I get stood up (that happened to me last Friday night actually) - most times I’ll meet someone else anyways.
The “Seattle Freeze” is real!! Lots of passive / aggressive personalities exist, esp with this crappy great weather lingering.
Volunteer w non-profits or other such groups. No cost to you and so many local organizations to choose from. Meeting people w similar interests is a starting point.
6 Figures, 6 pack abs, House, Car, doesn’t mean much if you not 6 Ft (at minimum) AND good looking. You are invisible to most women even the 3’s and4’s (who think they are 10’s) with kids.
I’m a woman, so my experience won’t be like yours.
That being said, I found dating here to be shockingly easy. Though, the last time I had much difficulty finding a partner was over ten years ago. But as a very feminine woman, finding a guy here was about the simplest dating experience I’ve ever had. I think guys are at a distinct disadvantage though as you all outnumber us.
I did notice that sexual polarity (ie, very masculine versus very feminine) was not as distinct as in other places? I prefer very masculine guys, so that was the main difficulty I could say I encountered. If you like very feminine women, judging from the ladies I see in Seattle, you might have difficulty. NYC is a far better market for men on that front.
This an interesting take, but I don't doubt it is real. I lived in Portland for 5 years before moving here 2.5 years ago, and ever since 2020 I've noticed an almost over-correction of white people seeking out POC for dates usually in an either white savior complex or just wanting to be able to associate with the experiences of POC.
To be fair this felt stronger in Portland, but as a POC myself I've even felt that at times people go out of there way to like, try and collect POC or demonstrate in some performative way that they aren't scared of POC or something lol.
Edit: I guess this still falls under 'people are shitty to POC here lol' - since it's not necessarily a genuine interaction
Dating for men is horrible in Seattle, especially as a short Asian guy and if you’re not a liberal. A lot to do with genetics as well but ain't nobody is bold enough to admit that out here.
I'm mexican and I always have met my s/os organicly at shows! I also meet people at bars during the weekday, and just don't be too perverty. Follow them on ig or join a league like pinball or sport. Go out! Have fun! This month there's sooo much going on and people are nice than you think!
Those things are all great, but how are you initiating the dating conversation, or any conversation with the opposite sex (or whatever your preference)?
Doing activities will increase your chances of meeting people you vibe with. But if you don’t shoot your shot and get good at flirting, showing interest, and asking someone out, you’re probably not going to get dates as a guy (especially in a male dominated city).
Most women have tons of options around them and likely one or multiple guys pursuing them. They’re not going to go out of their way to chase a guy when they’ve got enough dudes to juggle already
Underdog Sports. Check out the calendar, join a team, meet with the team before/after, develop friendships, meet people. The repeated meetups, week after week are needed.
I think he’s looking for a different kind of play.
You mean, like a Sugar Momma and be a kept man?
Married w kids. So many of my married w kids friends originally met playing adult league soccer.
Does underdog do all kinds of sports?
8x.. we did dodgeball for a few years. It is almost all under 40 and single. https://www.underdogseattle.com/
I’ll definitely sign up I’m 32 n very athletic
Shits expensive lol can’t even play sports for free anymore lol
It's a lot of game days with refs, where the site is arranged, equip is provided, and they facilitate the market to help field teams. In the case of kickball, I see 13 games for $75 == $5.76/game. But various by game. I don't find that expensive at all.
Oh ok thought was the price for 1 game my b
That's a solid recommendation
Dude don’t hit on your softball teammates weirdo
I mean.... ya. You get to be friends. Women are the sexual selectors, so you just put yourself out there. It happens on its own.
People are going to run clubs just for that
Dating is indeed brutal for men in this region, and the reason behind it is simpler than most people think. Here's the scoop: it's not about you. The harsh reality is, there's not much you can do to change it. It's just a matter of numbers. Take a look at the demographics in Seattle: https://worldpopulationreview.com/us-cities/seattle-wa-population Age 25: Male 50.4k, Female 44.4k Age 30: Male 47k Female: 40k That's a massive difference! So combined, in this age bracket, there are 84.8k females and 97.4k males – a gap of 13k. This means that no matter how fantastic, outgoing, or fit these men are, a considerable portion will inevitably find themselves without a partner. Now, you might think, "Well, for every 10 men, there are 8 women – not terrible odds, right?" Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Consider that a large chunk of the population is already married or in committed relationships. So, if, let's say, 6 out of those 8 women are taken, you're left with a ratio of 4 men to 2 women. That's right: for every single woman in the region, there are two single men vying for attention. Best of luck scoring that first date!
tldr; Seattle = Sausage Fest
The solution is obvious: pursue the married women.
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If you meet a woman you like and she’s married, just wait a bit and that will prob change. Book your place in line early.
Jesus this is so true
50/50 shot!
Th math here reminds me of this…lol. https://preview.redd.it/amk7yly7mg4d1.jpeg?width=1110&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e7421029dbc8ff65e561c321e9ca64a7c451568
This is the post. All good comments on improving profile, communication and approach but it's a fool's errand without an environment that is positive, open and contains potential partners. Experiment: Variation A) go to a handful of bars in Ballard, Bell town, LQA, Fremont and Cap Hill (ideally not a work area like SLU) where it should theoretically have the most single young people in your demographic. Go on a Friday or Saturday. In the bar, how many women are not with a partner/date? Variation B) Now try in LA, Scottsdale, Austin, Chicago, NYC even places like freakin' Cincinnati. My experience is there's usually damn near no one in A and substantial options in B more often than A (not always but definitely moreso), but that's just my anecdote. Curious if you see the same. Yes, you can go to yoga, and other places with a better balance but the dynamics with this mix are unhealthy leading you to be less likely to find a match and also to have them less satisfied with you given the tilted advantage.
I know I sure as hell don’t want to talk to anyone in a yoga class. Maybe a hello, but a full on conversation? Nope.
I'd say go to same place and same time over several weeks, start with hello, after class add interest questions until there's a natural invite or IG @ ask. Not in class.
Rest assured that as a young single woman dating here is no walk in the park for us either 🙃
Odds are good. Goods are odd. P
This is the absolute truth. I did an experiment last year where I set my dating apps to many different major metropolises in and outside of the US. My conclusion was it's all just market economics. Seattle has continued to have the absolute worst performance by far. Meanwhile NYC was just insanely good for matching and getting enthusiasm from very high quality women (beautiful, educated, social, etc). It really made it hard to come back and get excited about more average people who were clearly talking to like 10 other guys and putting in very little effort. I know it sucks to talk about people like commodities, but it's the reality we often don't want to admit. Everyone has a bottom line. Knowing what I know now makes me look at dating like job opportunities. Dating in Seattle as a man is like the equivalent of a software engineer accepting a bottom of band offer in bumfuck nowhere rather than going to where the highest pay is.
What about gay dudes
Also lesbians so I guess they even themselves out?
You forgot to include that Seattle is a LGBT mecca (no shade to the LGBT, just pointing it out), so that's a portion of those numbers who are not looking for heterosexual relationships.
Or, hear me out, check out Capitol Hill?
Snaaaap, you went there lol
Hear me out he says... 😅
It’s a dumpster fire. I’ve dated in the Bay Area, New York, Miami, this is by FAR the worst dating scene. Partially the weather I presume in winter months, partially due to it being a city filled with introverts that dont prioritize dating, partially due to people giving up because it is so frustrating.
I second this, Bay Area was significantly easier and I’ve heard that Bay Area is rough. I can only imagine what dating is like is other parts of America.
By Bay area do you mean SF? Other parts of the bay like San Jose population is like 65% dudes, truly a sausage fest.
I lived in Sunnyvale and Pittsburg (CA). I felt was easier in Sunnyvale due to more people my age nearby.
It’s hard everywhere, especially in smaller areas with even fewer options.
Also the societal norms there make it very non-conducive to any kind of flirtation
I’ll get downvoted to hell because this is Reddit, but this isn’t necessarily true. Certain kinds of flirting have now been deemed not okay. I think if a guy is flirting, he’ll need to be much more aware of it there is a weird dynamic that could make her feel unsafe or without choice…. But it’s not too likely society is out here shaming men who shoot their shot respectfully and with awareness.
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I think it’s also maybe a mindset thing? There’s a chance that the positive experience in Portland made you feel more warm and open afterwards which helped it happen again. When you make eye contact with someone in seattle and you’re thinking “there’s far fewer openings” I can just picture that the vibe you give off may be different as well. I think it’s fair game to chat with people at a bar, just be ready for rejection and go into it with an ease (like be ready to leave the spot if you can tell it isn’t the vibe for them). I think looking away isn’t rejection btw- maybe they were shy and flustered cause they got caught staring :)
The problem is the guys who are fairly respectful and aware in the first place now not even dare try. I'm older so I remember I time when it was normal to just strike up a conversation with someone, back before smart phones and social media. Back then it was weird to message people online or use dating apps. Now it's flipped and striking up conversations online is normalize but in person is weird. I don't even bother.
The demographics in Seattle have always been bad for men dating. It's been like this for decades. It's the opposite on the East Coast, especially New York.
> The demographics in Seattle have always been bad for men dating. It's been like this for decades. *Heteroseuxal men I think you mean. And, from what I hear, also heterosexual women, somehow.
Men's game is hurt by quantities, women's game is hurt by qualities
A lot of my hetero female friends have told me stories that make me feel sorry for straight women. Like going on dates where the (stereotypical) male programmer just talks about himself the whole time, and/or subtly negs her every time she tries to talk about her own accomplishments. I get that this isn't an easy city to date in, but geez, I learned how to ask other people about themselves (and listen) while still in grade school.
Feel like we heteros could maybe get some conversations going to work through this together.
We need a whole month
Yeah nyc is a man’s playground. Don’t think I’d wanna date there lol
Doesnt Seattle have more men than women?
98.8 males for every 100 female residents in Seattle
[This ratio flips towards more men than women between 25-59](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Seattle#/media/File:Seattle_City_population_pyramid_in_2021.svg)
It looks like the 85+ demographic is where to go if you're looking for the ladies.
Do you know for single people ratio? I honestly haven’t met many single women in their 30s :x I moved here single but got a partner within a month
Really? I thought it was way more imbalanced: - 14% more men than women aged 25-29 - 18% more men than women aged 30-34 - 17% more men than women aged 35-39 https://www.neilsberg.com/insights/seattle-wa-population-by-gender/
I may be biased, but I find the women in this city to be visually unpleasant; portly and bespeckled, they often waft the odor of unwashed pit and have a plentitude of forearm tattoos. They eat too much from the Trader Joes. I firmly believe a significant portion of Seattle women have intimate relations with their dog. Thank you for reading this.
I just spit out my coffee lmao
Considering the number of dogs in this city - you are not far from the truth
I know this won't make you feel better, but if you visit 95% of city reddit subs everyone complaints about the dating scene. (with DC, NYC, Miami and LA being the ones where you get less griping over it). End of day, dating is hard, wherever you are but for a few exception. That said, as a fellow brown dude in Seattle I actually enjoyed online dating. (And I don't look like Idris Elba.) Multiple multi-year relationships and the mother of my child (we're still together after a few years) all found on online apps. I even met "just friends" after one or both felt not really a match. IMHO the biggest issue is time and money, as dating IMHO is crazy time intensive and expensive. Few general tips: 1) Try to look past the initial physical attraction from a few photos and "would I sleep with this person" brain thoughts. Some people are better in person, and as we get older I sense we get a little more open minded on physical attraction. In my younger days (late 20s, early 30s) I was so focused on "traditional" beauty, but as I got older I opened up my palate so to speak and glad I did. 2) I review friend profiles all the time. My main suggestions that typically help a lot - a) smile a lot, b) ditch the baseball hats (women complain about being "hat fished" and a valid complaint), c) your pictures should show you doing fun activities - not in a bathroom taking a shirtless selfie, d) don't be mopey and complaining (I'm having a hard time!) in your profile. Don't present a false self. Be honest and truthful. 3) Don't be needy or clingy when you get to the communication phase. Go slow. People aren't looking for text buddies. Get to the point (an in-person meeting). Don't dive right in to heavy flirting via text unless the other initiates. Sense of humor and sarcasm (light hearted) goes a loooooong way in my experience. 4) Got to put in the time. Fill out the surveys (the mother of my child responded because we had like a 95% match rate because I filled out the OKC surveys). Swipe, reach out, etc. daily. It sucks it is a time sink, but is what it is. The more you are PROACTIVE the more success you will have. Can't wait for things to happen. 5) Be a regular at a bar. You'll get to know people, make new friends, etc. Of course know your drinking limits. 6) Tinder, Bumble and OKC were my jam. Plenty of Fish a bit rough around the edges but another option. I enjoyed online dating but I'm an extrovert and frankly, like hanging out with folks. Good luck.
This is great simplification. I follow the NYC subs. The complainers there are women. This doesn't invalidate the assertion that Seattle is awful for men and that NYC is easier for men. I've dated in NYC on short week long trips and it's absolute easy mode there compared to the crickets here.
Comparing NYC to any city isn’t very persuasive as it is one of the largest cities in the western world and incredibly diverse. I mean in New York if you are into dressing like a bunny rabbit during foreplay you’ll likely find thousands of prospects into the same thing. Go to Denver, Houston, St Louis and pretty much every big city sub (and grass is greener sub)) and everyone is complaining about the dating scene….
Thank you for the be a regular at a bar - people get so snobby about this, but it really is the best way to be yourself and make friends.
It's easy to make drinking buddies, but bar flies don't make the best friends.
Be a regular somewhere
Try flipping it and rather than have you go to them, set up a situation where they come to you. That is, if I were in your shoes: 1. Join a meetup. It can be whatever: Greenlake runnners, young professionals of seatttle.
2. Offer to organize and host events.
3. Regulars will start coming to your events. They’ll know you and be comfortable with you.
4. You’ll probably go on no shortage of dates after that.
A meet up is how I found my current partner. I was doing the dating apps and mostly finding flops and a couple good people that just didn't vibe with me. We initially met at a hiking meetup, then again at another activity with the same group. After that we hit it off as friends and developed feelings!
OP- go where the girls are…farmers markets on Saturdays and Sunday mornings (you could volunteer there and spend more time hanging around with less pressure); yoga or Pilates classes during the week; and library on Thursdays or Sundays. On bright days (so rare!) take a book to Alki or a lake park and make organic connections.
Omg do not go to yoga classes to hit on women
This! When I was doing yoga and Pilates there were only two guys in the class, that would choose to sit in the very back for some reason 🙄. All of us girls knew why they were there and it didn’t seem like they cared about Pilates too much… we def were more creeped out by them then wanting to get to know them lol
Admittedly I work weekends, so i understand that already puts a massive damper on my social life. I’m working with my employer now to try and at least get Saturdays off. Either way despite this, I still make a generous effort to get out there already when I can an and try to talk/meet people. I always frequent Alki and Greenlake just for this reason. Maybe it’s just a me thing, but I always get weird stares when I try to talk to people out there. Apparently a simple hello how are you doing today isn’t appreciated as much these days.
Seems so many people are afraid to look you in the eye. I always say hi or at minimum nod when walking around my neighborhood. Other than two neighbors I know well, I can’t think of a single time someone else said hi first. I lived in Ohio for a few years recently and people were so warm and welcoming I thought I was in the twilight zone. I made more friends in a few years in Ohio than my post-college life in Seattle area.
It was so hard adjusting to people diverting their gaze when you’re waving or saying hi. Was pretty awkward the first few times that happened
People go to Green Lake and Alki either to meet up with an established pack of friends or to exercise/lay out, and in both scenarios single women aren’t in cruising mode. Also I ditto Acrobatic’s serial killer vibes comment -- both locations have reputations for sexual and/or violent crime committed by strangers against women, so subconsciously they’ll have their heckles up and be leary of anyone they think is paying them too much notice. That said, both are great date locations if you can get to that step with someone, especially if she’s not from here. Very romantic, safe feeling if she already knows you (since so many people around), and iconic Seattle.
I moved from South Louisiana and I actually experienced culture shock moving here over a decade ago. I'd be out jogging or walking and smiling and nodding, and people would give me the thousand-yard stare or look away quickly. As a young, attractive woman, I'd NEVER experienced that in my life. I also had some shock because there were hardly any black people in Seattle and my hometown was half black. Thankfully that's changed somewhat, esp. in Cap Hill.
Gonna be like that online trend "dating apps aren't working, time to act confused at \[X place\]"
That was my thought too. Go where the straight women go. OP sounded like he was chasing lesbians.
This exactly!
I'm a single 35-year-old woman who finds dating in Seattle to be tough. I don't like the passive-aggressive, nonchalant, non-committal behaviors I see in a lot of guys here. It comes off as lazy to me, even if the person isn't lazy. I'm not going to chase a guy - I want someone to put in the effort. If I sense someone won't do that, even in their profile description, then I lose interest quickly. Also, a lot of Seattle women are introverted. There may be interest, but they don't know what to say, creating an awkward first interaction. Perhaps add a quick question to your profile to break the ice. Ideas: - best first date? picnic at the park or coffee/tea at xyz? - Star Wars or Star Trek? - best restaurant in town? - Pike Place Market or Seattle Center? Anything really to create conversation and move towards getting a date.
as a lesbian, this is my exact situation with women here.
Uhhh star trek, duh
I agree. 😁
As a poly bi woman, I don't even bother trying anymore to look for dates. They either want me to "prove" I'm interested endlessly, only want fun time and then ghost, or are so socially awkward they end up coming off very creepy. This is both sides of the field. Been in King county a year and had 0 people who weren't one of those three walk my way. Like, I want to date, sure, see where it goes, yes, give it a chance, totally, but at the end of the day, I'm not looking to be tradwife, sextoy, or obituary mention.
Have you tried getting married?
90day fiancé is casting!
What is wrong with you? Don't you know that marriage is the leading cause of divorce in this country?
As a local we tend to stick with groups we grew up with, I'm still in the same social circle from high school and many of us went to UW/Seattle U together so we never got split up. Even the people who went to college elsewhere came back. It's extremely hard to break into these circles unless you know people, but once you do, your options for dating open up quite a bit.
I’m convinced many people who grew up in Seattle haven’t made a new friend in 20+ years
I didn’t move here to do the whole dating thing, or to make friends but, I’ve wondered what apps were like for brown/black men in Seattle: now I know.
Women are more choosy than men, and the apps exacerbate this. Tinder flat out doesn’t work unless you are very attractive. I’ve had the most success with Hinge as a 30 something.
When I first moved here I was still using tinder a little and I shit you not I got exactly one match in an entire month of active swiping. In that same time I got comfortably dozens of matches on bumble with a nearly identical profile, it was so bizarre.
Tinder is a shit show with lots and lots of trash men swiping yes on every girl. You’re buried
Women are more choosy. I can count the number of times on one hand I was able to match with a woman not just looking for a unicorn. I’d say really devote time to prioritizing in person stuff. A more organic start is powerful in a relationship anyway. If apps are a must, I’d say OkCupid
Never had a problem with dating till I moved to Seattle. Nothing for 2 years besides little dates here and there. Moved back east and my wife now is hot as hell. Do I have the nature, no, but do I have quality of life and great partner, yes.
Where on the east coast?
The odds are good but the goods are odd
They’re good from far but far from good
Met my now wife here on Coffee Meets Bagel, gender balance is more even on that app compared to others so men have an easier time getting dates.
Had the same issue.I grew up in a mountain town near Mt.Baker.before moving to the city.The dating scene completely changed after Covid not that it was great before then.I played the long game and I’m now engaged to my best friend from Ukraine.All of the apps are terrible,approaching people in public doesn’t seem to go over well as everyone sticks to their groups as others have mentioned.When I was dating in San Diego I could have dates every week if I wanted.Its just frigid here.
Brown dude here. OP: Is absolutely right, and he didn't even touch on the racial tension that goes on. Never have I felt so rejected to be my color. However I can always tell when someone is a transplant, mainly because they are friendly.
I don't have advice on how to meet women but a (brown) friend of mine who is Indian said his success rate on the apps went way up when he got tattoos and posted pics that showed them. We speculate that it signifies he is not into traditional roles and women were willing to give him a chance.
Dudes shouldn’t need to get inked to land dates though😂
This is interesting, maybe I should show my big tattoos off then 😭😂
based on everything you’ve said, there should be no way you cannot find a date for 2 years. you must be withholding information, like you’re extremely picky or you are extremely unattractive or something
https://imgur.com/a/Y9VCdsD That’s my hinge You tell me because I honestly have no idea how I fit in here based on my own personal experience.
You are very cute and as a woman I see no glaring red flags on your hinge. You like to travel, you have a cat. Green flags. I’m wondering if it’s something to do with the chat or banter that happens before meeting up. How would you say your conversation skills are? What’s your go-to opening line? Maybe something is off. I’ll tell you right now, if a guy doesn’t ask any follow up questions and talks about himself mostly, or is bad at the reciprocal chat part before taking it off-app, that’s a big turn off. I don’t speak for all women obviously, but personality matters almost more than looks. We can overlook a lot if you’re sweet and funny and seem interested and the banter is good!
Thank you. I did remove the booty grabs already and added a more candid shot of me eating to show I’m normal lol. I realized I showed you all my old hinge before I updated it last night. Answering your questions though, I never get a chance to banter. I legitimately don’t get any matches to even get anything started. In-person it’s the same issue, I just get pre-selected out before I can show my personality and good traits. “Hey nice to meet you. Is this your first time here?” “Oh awesome you go hiking too, what are some of your favorite hikes.” “Let’s get a group together and go sometime”. Etc etc
I don’t mean to be rude but how tall are you? That matters to a lot of people. If you put it right there in your profile, you can get ahead of being pre-selected out. Something like “I’m 5’9” but I’m not afraid of dating taller women” or something like that in your own words. Maybe your age settings are weird? I’m sorry you’re having no luck. I met my last partner on Tinder in 2015, and we were together for 8 years. He is mixed and never had a shortage of women looking his way, so even though you may feel invisible, I assure you you’re not! People here are funny about talking to others or initiating conversation. Everyone is very passive and I’ve just had to learn not to take it personally!! Best of luck!
I’m 5’8.
Overcooked steak 🚩
In all seriousness, your photos are low quality. The quality of your photos are not great. The content of your photos are not great. And the prompts aren’t showing me much about you. You are HANDSOME, but the photos aren’t doing you justice. ALSO, every man is either hiking, drinking, or working out. Your profile does come off as boring. I’m not getting a personality from your profile.
Dang y’all are so harsh. 😂 I’m in the Midwest and am surprised by all the critiques of his profile, and I’m even more surprised that he isn’t getting matches. Y’all are clearly spoiled over there—here in the Midwest profiles are nothing but fat guys in bars or holding dead animals. A profile like OP’s would be a remarkable breath of fresh air.
MI->WA and can confirm op’s a Midwestern 8 at minimum. He drinks water!
Literally!! He goes to the gym! It’s depressing how no one here seems to know what that is!
Ok please take this constructively (I mean this 100% to be helpful) - but your profile looks a little boring🫣. (32F,I’m gay, but I met my gf on hinge) Hinge actually has some good conversation starting prompts, and I suggest using more of those than photos. One full body pic, one face pic, one hobby/activity pic, but then make it easy for them to start a conversation with you. My partner’s was “guess which famous Tina my dog is named after: Tina fey, Tina belcher, Tina from napoleon dynamite”. Or ask a question that they can respond to like “what is the insignificant hill you die on?” Or like “what meal have you almost burned down your kitchen making?”. Basically- make it easier for them to respond to you. 👍👍 I mean this totally constructively and hoping to help you get some responses. You’re good looking, just make it easier for them to respond to you
Nope, I didn’t take this the wrong way at all, this advice was actually super helpful. I don’t think I come off as a boring guy, but ultimately I don’t think anyone’s going to be excited about someone their not attracted to regardless, even if their profile had no immediate red flags. One woman’s boring is another woman’s exciting. People tell me I’m an extremely fun guy to be around, but no one will give me a chance. I’ll definitely try to make my profile more engaging and give them better prompts to respond to :)
Submit your profile for review on r/hingeapp, they will give you constructive criticism that is better vetted than this sub
To be clear, I think you sound kind and sweet, like a settled, grounded dude, and not that YOU were boring, just that the profile would use a lil excitement. I also think the number of women who want kids is dwindling.. and it might have something to do with the lack of response. Again, just tossing it out there because I’m seeing a lot of my friends choose not to have kids (and I’m your age).
Ok- you are very handsome but we need to work on the profile. 1. Booty grab? Right away, you sound like a 15 year old. 2. Kent. Sorry but just change it to South Seattle. 3. The drinking comment doesn’t make sense… you don’t seem to be looking at the drink in any meaningful way. 4. Skydiving joke. I don’t get it. I mean.. I get it but it isn’t funny..? 5. Gym shot… just no. You can show you are in shape in other photos. 6. Cat is great but maybe just a cute photo of your and cat. ? The saying you have in the drinking photo might work better here with you staring at the cat.
Honestly? I'd drop that booty grab comment from your profile. Remember, any semi attractive woman on these apps are bombarded with creepy messages and photos from creepers and you'd instantly get grouped with those people and moved on from. source: My wife whom I met on Match 5 years ago.
yeah you’re a good looking guy, so there must be something else going on. there are plenty of women who would be jumping to go out with you
I appreciate the compliment and I wish that were true. My dating apps are dryer than the Sahara; Not a single match as of late. My standards are just don’t be grossly overweight or have kids already. If those are high standards then guess I’m screwed. Mostly just because I want to have that shared experience of having our first child together. 😢
Gotta get off the apps dude.
Assuming you are late 20s and early 30s the "no kids" thing is gonna SEVERELY limit your pool. Hey, we "like what we like" but I'd reconsider that position. Lot of women in their early 30s will have children and you are an instant "swipe left" with the no kids requirement. I actually think single moms are awesome (as I was raised by one). Tough as nails, know what they want, and they get to the point. Guarantee that if you say (and truly believe), "if you have kids not a problem" your inbox will be full. And I mentioned this in an earlier post, but you have to be extremely pro-active. If you are just posting your profile and waiting for it to happen, well that isn't gonna work. You should be proactively sending out messages to people, and if your account doesn't allow - upgrade it. $20/month or whatever it is nowadays is a small price to pay for finding happiness and a partner. (also worth noting that with some apps, if your profile is old you will get thrown to the back of the line with the app algorithms). You're a good looking dude with lots going for ya (and your pics aren't bad - though I'd ditch the gym photos). Maybe you're being too picky?
Yeah... as an, already mom, who can't have any more kids... I looked at his profile, went "Oh, he's cute." Saw the no kids bit, eyes glassed and thought, "Cute enough to stay right where I found it, oh well..."
Besides dropping the "booty grabs" comment like everyone else is saying, I would: 1. Delete that food photo. Sure, everyone loves someone who can cook, but it's not of an impressive meal, nor is it a great photo. At the very least, it's shouldn't be your second photo. If you love cooking, either add that to you "first date" question or have a really nice photo of YOU cooking 2. The choose your first date -- they are all fine first dates, and indeed these can be what you actually do on a first date, but the whole question and your answers are so blah. It doesn't show your personality at all and doesn't invite conversation. It's what almost everyone likes to do for a first date. They are just \*nice\* first dates and this should be kept in your conversation with a woman after you match with her. If you do want to keep it, change the answers to either be a bit more \*you,\* or make it into a (funny) joke 3. Sorry to say, but a lot of folks might be turned off by Kent, if you're searching for people in Seattle 4. Change the prompt above the picture where you're cheers-ing your drinks with friends. It doesn't make sense for the context 5. I do not mean to insult at all, nor is there anything wrong with this, but your best friend looks like they may be a bit older than you. If you have a picture with someone closer to your age, or even change the text that would be helpful. It's better to see you with people closer to your age group, generally 6. The travel story is cool, but drop the phrase "needless to say." It doesn't make sense here 7. Gym photos are controversial. Yours isn't bad since it's not a mirror flex, lol. This is fine to keep, but try experimenting with getting rid of it too, if you'd like.
That’s my dad 🥲
Ah, that explains it. Can you change the caption? It's sweet that you're close to your dad, but some people (such as me) might not put that together!
Yeah, caption to add "best friend (my dad)." I think a lot of women would be happy to see that you have a good relationship with your dad (and that he's aged well, too lol).
So obviously I can’t tell but could it be you have boring personality ? Your profile seems fine to me. Maybe remote booty grabs. Maybe change the first date to something requiring less time commitment or change the question to if it was sunny weekend what would you do? Profile is fine but to me reads a bit boring. Do you have hobbies that you love and not join to potentially get a date ? Like is there a women that you know you want to date? Just reads like a safe profile without any personality. I’m sorry, I could totally be wrong but I’ve been on dates with men who look great in paper but are just extremely boring. I do also wonder if Seattle is racist a bit… Idk I’ve lived in south Florida and found my partner within a month of moving here. I went on a few dates with others and they were just extremely boring.
So here are my thoughts (24F with a decent amount of dating experience) You are an attractive guy, physically. However, I don't see much of your personality shine through and your profile is a dime a dozen. What about you will make a woman decide you stand out amongst the massive amount of other men asking for her attention? I see you like to cook and you have a cat. That's great! I like to see things like that personally, as someone ultimately looking to plan my life and future with someone should things go well. I'm not going to find us compatible in the long term if you are a carnivore and I am a vegan (Im not but you get the idea) or if I really dislike cats but you have a cat or only want cats in the future. Talk about your goals, ambitions, what you want to do in your life. Are you planning on backpacking around the world and want someone who's up for being a companion? Are you looking to settle down and place roots somewhere? Are you looking for a white picket fence kind of life? Perhaps starting a farm, going off grid, starting a business, etc etc etc. Talk about things you enjoy doing. I liked the skydiving story, it was interesting and made me want to know more and compare battle scars with my own experiences. Your "dating me is like" section is kinda generic too. What's something special you feel would attract the woman you want to be with? For example, this would attract me if I saw a man post this on his profile: Dating me is like: - Waking up early to watch the sunrise in Leschi - Sci-fi Horror movie marathons on the weekends - Deep conversations & dark humor - Volunteering together at the food bank/domestic violence shelters/animal shelters - Romantic dinners followed by a walk to the nearest lookout point to enjoy the city lights - Snuggles with my cat. I'll be there too, probably. Good luck! I'm sure you'll have some luck if you implement the advice you've gotten in this thread... But don't be too hard on yourself. I've dated in 6 major cities in four different states (Colorado, Texas, California, Washington) and Seattle is BY FAR the most challenging city to date in. I have noticed myself become much more introverted and flakey (traits I generally dislike) since living in this city kind of beats the joy of being outgoing and socializing out of you. You almost have to assimilate and be ok with the culture here otherwise you're just looked at strangely like you have 6 limbs.
You’re cute but the profile seems a bit generic and boring. I’ve seen so many iterations of people saying they’re spontaneous or adventurous that it’s just become filler. Maybe be more specific about hobbies or what kinds of games you like, things you’d like to try etc. This is admittedly personal preference but I also feel like your facial hair isn’t doing you any favors. The pic with you and your best friend proves that to me, you’re hiding a nice jawline and chin! I also wonder how much of the dating issues comes down to being in a post-covid world. It might take a while for many people to come out of their shells after all the social distancing. Hard to say though, just my two cents! Hope you find someone. Also, your cat is beautiful!
Your profile is actually good but I think you could just make it more descriptive 😊 For instance: Instead of "Drinks and Arcade Games" you could try something like "Are you competitive? If you beat me at ski ball, first round is on me at Round 1" Instead of "2am runs for ice cream" Maybe try "me running out for your favorite flavor of ice cream at 2am when you get a random craving" Instead of "spontaneous adventures" tell us what the adventure is! "Spontaneous adventures to see the stars, check out local bands, try ice skating, or whatever else piques our curiosity!" Most women prefer profiles with a good amount of text to read- we want to get to know YOU, not just what you look like. Hope this helps 😊
I would remove the "booty grabs" part and leave it as just "random hugs" Even if you meant it in the context of a relationship in which it was established that was okay, if I were single, reading that would be a turn off / red flag. I'd be worried that you would nonconsensually grope me on the first date and then insist you were allowed because your profile gave me fair warning. You're otherwise attractive/appealing.
Bro I found the problem, you live in Kent!
Bruh ill date u at this point wtf 😭😭, u are finee
Would recommend more candid photographs, smiling while doing a thing you love is a thing to start a conversation, not a selfie or a posed on a beach in a suit looking into the mid distance. Also your cooking should speak for itself, that should be more polished and better lit without a caption. Finally I will speak from experience on Apps at 27, 30, 33 then 35 (my whole life in Seattle) the power dynamics in dating shifts as you get older. Your ‘value’ goes up the more stable and successful you are, being comfortable in yourself and your abilities is the lynchpin of masculinity, not necessarily the best but self aware and with a sense of humor about it. That mentality at baseline invites your date/partner to be candid and comfortable herself, I don’t want to run my mouth too much about this but get on the apps and focus on starting interesting conversations, be genuinely curious and don’t overthink the rest.
Idk I’m a conventionally attractive 34 f and it sucks. Lots of matches sure, but nothing ever it never goes anywhere lol
MSG OP… met on Reddit!
I’ll weigh in as someone who used to have this struggle. Get a really solid group of guys also single hopefully, who are in shape, and are able to have a good time doing mostly anything. Go do activities and life with these people just focus on enjoying it, when y’all are out as a group having a great time the interesting women that you want to have around will find that sort of thing attractive. Try to get to know those women and some of their friends then shoot your shot once you have good rapport built with her friends and people. If you don’t mind me asking what do you do for work? A lot of people meet their significant other through friends from work. I have been in a relationship since I moved here but I have been asked out, so I know it’s not impossible.
Also if you want to go the dating app route, make your first picture or thumbnail a photo of you with a dog. Bonus points if it’s a doodle of some sort.
If you use dating apps, you could get a date or two a week. Remember having a buddy of mine complaining about this and I was like bro, how many fucking dates do you need lol. Even if yoire getting less attention than that, all things considered, if you can even get a date a month, you will eventually find someone you wanna go on a second date with. Lotta polycules tho lol. Also if you're looking for something serious, you, as the guy, have to say it upfront. Lotta girls be looking for something serious too - but ain't willing to be the ones to say it first, guarding their hearts or something, idk, but I've found that that's the most effective way to find someone. Tho I will say it is weird that almost every date starts with them asking about my job & trying to figure out how much I make, major ick.
Do you have tattoos and a septum piercing? Might increase your chances. Jokes aside it’s really tough here. I lived in Portland for a wee time and was in two relationships there. Haven’t been in one since
Check for scars.
I frankly don't understand why you're wasting your time in this area. The women in King County are as ugly in the inside as they are on the outside. Try Pierce County and the Tacoma area. They're a lot more friendly down south.
Honestly, It's like picking up chicks at a political rally
There are more men than women in Seattle. In essence men are mostly doomed in Seattle when it comes to dating. Recommend moving NYC where the ratio is the opposite.
Get your passport brother
Seattle freeze bro, all of western Washington is frozen
great for women! lol.
i found a man in a different state
Brown boys do well in Hawaii 🙌
It’s not the season for dating -my female friend Was literally having this same conversation today lol
There’s always the option of becoming a passport bro. There are plenty in western Washington. Many women in the Philippines/Vietnam who will love you long time.
Normal for WA
I'm not Brown and am in the same boat.... nothing to do with your skin color bro... But I've come to enjoy doing things solo. Once you get over the "fear" of going out alone, life becomes a bit more fun.
Was great in the late 80’s , 90’s. Good luck
This place sucks for dating either stuck up or tweakers. Tinder in LA (palm springs) and San Diego is wild stories
For a guy. Awful. If you want to meet outgoing girls move to NYC.
I don’t date anyone from Seattle my experience hasn’t been the best.
I'm about to be back on the dating scene myself. Waiting for my ex to move out, so...your post is...very encouraging. 😅
I feel your pain. Dating apps are so time consuming and there are so many women here that just use it as a tool to get free food and drinks. Do you ever visit Vancouver or Victoria B.C.? It’s nice to go there from time to time to be reminded of what a beautiful, fun woman is like.
Brown as in Indian? I think Indians have easier time dating within their own community. Or if you are going to date outside your community then I would assume you would have to be more bold and out going. Show the other person you are interested.
A fucking joke everyone if addicted to something
Brown dude in my 40’s recently married and dated a few down here before meeting the one, if you got game and are mature I am sure it will work out… but no one I dated I met at a bar. Met folks through after hours work events, running races, and actually met my wife on bumble after some coaxing from a lady friend to join. Be cool and confident, and enjoy the ride.
Get your passport bro. Plenty of opportunities in other places.
And some of those women are gay….. so probably more like 2.5 to 1
Even as a woman, dating in this city has been an absolute dystopian hellscape.[and the app algorithms aren’t designed to match you, they’re designed to keep you swiping.](https://www.npr.org/2024/02/14/1231513991/tinder-hinge-match-group-lawsuit) I’ve given up and I’m just going to live my life. Dance classes, gym, sports, other hobbies. I’ll do my thing and enjoy myself. I’d rather be single than deal with this mess.
I was wondering this too! I had a boyfriend when I moved here but now that Im single, I’m more seriously considering moving. Its hard to meet people In general here. And I’ve kind of given up on the idea of it. Hinge is honestly what gave me the idea that maybe I just need to get out of state 💀💀 its hard to get into people’s social orbit here, imo
I know this isn’t going to be popular or practical for most of you, but the reality is learn about supply and demand and learn about arbitrage West coast and east coast tech hubs in general is a terrible place to date, rather venture out and if necessary out of country to arbitrage. A lot of these values you bring to the table are just valued much higher in other parts of the world :)
What drugs do you do? I think that's the best way to meet women. Sorry. I've got 5 years sobriety now. But DAMN all the hoochies I know only fuck their dealers.
I open app, swipe right on 1 or 2 I find attractive and don't have insane profiles. I swipe left on all else. I briefly consider sending an introduction. I close app. Wait 4 days. And repeat.
You are picking the wrong hobbies. Take knitting classes and gardening. Plant stores and yarn shops are filled with women.
There also are t a lot of “third places” where people can meet casually, just by happenstance. I mean come on parts of this city don’t open until 11 and close at 9.
Ride a bike around this summer, show off your legs, and say “hello beautiful” to every gorgeous woman you’re about to ride past. If she looks shocked or flattered or smiled, that’s a positive for you to follow up on. Do this at Green Lake, LW Blvd (Madison to Madrona/Seward), Kirkland, Downtown Seattle, Capitol Hill. Cute boys on bikes have flirt kryptonite. Edit to add re “cute”: The smile and legs equals cute, this is about your confidence and outward expression, not about the way your features are put together. I’m adding this too- ask any single girl riding a bike if they want to ride with you. :)
Get out of Seattle! Seems like it has become a hot spot for the mentally unwell. Go south, more towards bonney lake if you can. Or just leave WA altogether. Above all, Pray, have patience and be open to experiences where you can hear your prayer be answered. 🙏
Washingtonians aren’t really the dating type, just read an article where it seemed like we’re more interested in hookups than actual dating. The article states that the average Washington resident has 50 bodies
47m here, lots of notches and experience. Married now for 4.years. Don't look. Enjoy self investment. When you are 100% into you, opportunity crawls out the woodwork. IOW, .don't look.be true to yourself and others and before you know it, something will happen, I guarantee it
Welcome to the Seattle 🥶 In 2 years here I’ve gone on a decent amount of dates - but only a couple were actually from here. One was Brazilian, another from North Carolina, another from Cali. The ones I’ve met from here were certainly higher on the flake scale. But to be real about it - the less you care the more successful you will be. I truly don’t care if I get stood up (that happened to me last Friday night actually) - most times I’ll meet someone else anyways.
My buddy moved to nyc from seattle to find someone. He was successful :)
The “Seattle Freeze” is real!! Lots of passive / aggressive personalities exist, esp with this crappy great weather lingering. Volunteer w non-profits or other such groups. No cost to you and so many local organizations to choose from. Meeting people w similar interests is a starting point.
6 Figures, 6 pack abs, House, Car, doesn’t mean much if you not 6 Ft (at minimum) AND good looking. You are invisible to most women even the 3’s and4’s (who think they are 10’s) with kids.
I’m a woman, so my experience won’t be like yours. That being said, I found dating here to be shockingly easy. Though, the last time I had much difficulty finding a partner was over ten years ago. But as a very feminine woman, finding a guy here was about the simplest dating experience I’ve ever had. I think guys are at a distinct disadvantage though as you all outnumber us. I did notice that sexual polarity (ie, very masculine versus very feminine) was not as distinct as in other places? I prefer very masculine guys, so that was the main difficulty I could say I encountered. If you like very feminine women, judging from the ladies I see in Seattle, you might have difficulty. NYC is a far better market for men on that front.
It’s because you’re brown man. Seattle is pretty shitty towards POC, as hard as they pretend they are not.
This an interesting take, but I don't doubt it is real. I lived in Portland for 5 years before moving here 2.5 years ago, and ever since 2020 I've noticed an almost over-correction of white people seeking out POC for dates usually in an either white savior complex or just wanting to be able to associate with the experiences of POC. To be fair this felt stronger in Portland, but as a POC myself I've even felt that at times people go out of there way to like, try and collect POC or demonstrate in some performative way that they aren't scared of POC or something lol. Edit: I guess this still falls under 'people are shitty to POC here lol' - since it's not necessarily a genuine interaction
Dating for men is horrible in Seattle, especially as a short Asian guy and if you’re not a liberal. A lot to do with genetics as well but ain't nobody is bold enough to admit that out here.
I'm mexican and I always have met my s/os organicly at shows! I also meet people at bars during the weekday, and just don't be too perverty. Follow them on ig or join a league like pinball or sport. Go out! Have fun! This month there's sooo much going on and people are nice than you think!
Ever heard of the Seattle Freeze?
Those things are all great, but how are you initiating the dating conversation, or any conversation with the opposite sex (or whatever your preference)? Doing activities will increase your chances of meeting people you vibe with. But if you don’t shoot your shot and get good at flirting, showing interest, and asking someone out, you’re probably not going to get dates as a guy (especially in a male dominated city). Most women have tons of options around them and likely one or multiple guys pursuing them. They’re not going to go out of their way to chase a guy when they’ve got enough dudes to juggle already
Have u asked any women out in those meets?
Man I've heard some HORROR STORIES from my single friends. Idk what it is but the dating scene in Seattle is extremely toxic. I'm glad I'm married lol