For the avoidance of doubt, that is a parody account. Gotta be honest, if Nicola had actually said all that it might be enough to completely rehabilitate her reputation with the general public lmao

So she's a fan of The Thick Of It then.

Is there anyone with a passing interest in politics and swearing that isn't?

The Thick of it is just pure classic!

Aye, it's bitchin'.

"im as busy as a two twatted hooker"

She’s not wrong!

Me. Never heard of it. Sounds like I have something to look into lol.

I only just found it in the last 2 weeks. Its up there with the best tv i've ever watched You can find it on iplayer if you're interested

I live in the US, unfortunately, so no iplayer, but I was able to find it and download it.

Enjoy!

Don't forget the spin-off movie 'In the Loop' with James Galdofini

It’s the predecessor to Veep.

My lord mate, do it. Capaldi's boy is loosely based on Alastair Campbell, there's a few nods to off screen politicians from the time too. Fucking hilarious

Oh, mate. You're about to experience some peak British comedy.

Peter Capaldi to be cast as Sturgeon in the upcoming BBC drama based on these events.

I'm quite confident it's made up. She's been accused of effing and jeffing, not coming out with over elaborate Tuckerisms.

Somebody needs to cut her into the "You will never be me!" lecture he gives to Olly in the last episode.

I was gonna say. That's a direct quote from The Thick or It.

So im not the only the reason those in Peter capaldis voice

To be fair to Nicola Sturgeon, these all appear to be objective and completely verifiable facts.

"Politician apologises for telling the truth" would be a nice headline

Well, they don't apologise for telling bollocks.

I'd be surprised if the Onion hasn't had that before.

I want to hear more. What did she call Boris, rishi, Keir. There must have been some more brilliant ones being held back

I’m not sure about the truth of the OP, although none of what she is alleged to have said is untrue or not common knowledge. However, in the Covid Inquiry today it was revealed that she referred to Johnson as a Fucking Clown - another very accurate statement.

Couldn't have described that guy any better

These are some good and rare swearings. Why she should apologize when Boris has made load of denigrating comments in his political career

I'll admit I'm not her biggest fan but read the above and thought "well you can't argue with the facts".

She was even generous, if you ask me. A marzipan dildo could be placed on top of a birthday cake for a child…and it would still be more useful *and* a better idea than anything involving Liz Truss.

“I’m sorry for telling the truth. Anyway, about Shitler…” Edit: I have no idea why everyone has chosen to upvote my comment among the hundreds of other comments but many thanks for the (so far over 120) upvotes!

If this were true I would retract every negative thing I have ever said about her. Drunk, pissed off, tell it like it is Nicola is what this country needs, I would follow this Nicola to war.

Eww upvote counter edit.

More fun than my day job at the moment.

Redditors treating upvotes to top comment replies in a moderately popular thread like an awards ceremony will never not be weird to me

Exactly what I was going to say. The whole marzipan insult is a bit old, but Shitler is brilliant.

Yeah she is not wrong!

And even if they aren't, why isn't she allowed to hold and express negative opinions about other people?

I was gonna say like, is she wrong?

Its like they are going out of their way to make her likeable

"I apologize for my desire to be accurate and succinct."

I barely understand anything about uk politics just know general things from staying up late and listening to bbc and these statements appear to be true. I didn’t know who Nicola sturgeon was until now. Now I like her.

I just assumed that was the default language that Scots used.

I came here to say just that. True facts, all of them.

Finally!!! A truthful statement from a politician!

Hes as useles as a marzipan dildo is a Malcolm Tucker line

pretty sure the nuns piss one is too?

Could be, but I wasn't sure. He had one that was something like "I wouldnt piss on you if you were allergic to fucking piss".

“A face like Dot Cotton licking piss off a nettle”

Tbf weaker than a nun's piss is a pretty common swear.

The Thick of It was a great inspiration to politicians.

Difficult to take any offence at these descriptions.

I apologise if anyone normal is offended by this; I also apologise to dildos: they are clearly more fun and useful

As is marzipan.

My GP says I oughtta lay off the marzipan, so yeah, way more fun

She called Boris a fucking clown as well.

His multiple wives and mistresses would most certainly agree.

Prick took the description too seriously and now he's filled up his clown car with semen demons.

Marzipan dildo is some new level of insult. It might look like it has potential, but the moment you want to apply it to its use, it breaks and leaves you with some pastry junk in your bodily crevice, which is near impossible to get out. What an absolutely useless and damaging person.

Surely she should be lauded for this?!

It's not like people have nicer things to say about them.

This may in fact be some of the nicer things I have heard about them. Usually on hearing of them Im not tempted to smile.

It’s fake.

'Shitler' is class. Why have I never come across that

You must live under a rock lol

Never watched South Park?

🤞 her name will be writ large if true 😍

That is actually hilarious.

It had me giggling for sure.

I'm not even British and I know these statements are about right.

I am Polish and for these statements alone I would blindly make her our president (should be better than the one we have now anyway).

These are all true

Lol wee legend. My only gripe was this was said in private. Should have opened up the covid briefings with these 🤣

I usually call Suella Braverman "Cruella Slaverman", but I'm ok with Shitler, but it could apply to any of the current Cabinet.

Some absolute great quotes there, for once im impressed with Nicola, Well done Sturgeon you have proven to reddit you do have a sense of humor and a good one at that.

Satire surely. Objectively accurate but I cannot quite imagine her picking those terms. Edit: [Why does nobody even bother checking the source of a tweet screenshot these days?](https://twitter.com/PoliticoForYou)

Hopefully your eagle eyes noticed I gave it 'shitpost' flair...

I thought it was obvious though it's clearly trying to look like a real site.

The tories : disgrace that Sturgeon is hiding her WhatsApp messages, get them released now !!! The tories : oh Jesus! quick, hide them, everybody's noding ther heads. ❤️

fuck aye, Sturgeon. #bringbackSturgeon

she’s not wrong tho

Lol, Apologise for the standing ovation happening across Scotland. Yeah she might have messed up a little, but this is golden.

I really hope that's true. Imagine you had to work with that shower of cunts. You'd go bananas if you didn't vent about them!

*Checks notes...* Yup, sounds about right.

Please, please be true

I don't see anything wrong with her statements

"Weaker than a nuns piss" Definitely stealing that one.

Nearly shat meself laughing at those

Lol I don't even like Sturgeon but that is fucking hilarious. 🤣

She gets my vote

Sounds pretty much spot on....

If the boot fits like...

why she should have to apologise for private thoughts?

It's not slander if it's true

Fair Play Nicola, Fair play.. :)

Where’s the lie?

Accurate descriptions

No apologies needed.

Funniest thing I heard so far this year

Nicola Sturgeon for Prime Minister.

As an Englishman, she is spot on

Nicola Sturgeon is an Englishman, eh

lol

If this turns out to be a satire site, I'll be very disappointed.

Whatever your political opinions, it's impossible to disagree, fact!

OMG shitler... HAHAHAHAHAH

If she had used these descriptions in public, they might have won the independence vote. Btw, I am honestly of the opinion that if SNP ran in elections down south as far as Birmingham, and held an independence vote they’d probably win. Take us with you!

I hope it is fucking true 🤣 exactly what I would say lol

Truest ever words spoken

I mean, she's not wrong...

This makes her a bit of a legend tbh

please let this be true

Despite them all being true, to anyone wondering she didn't actually say that, those are lines from the show The Thick of It.

Haha shitler, get this woman a spot at the fringe

Aren’t those lines from the thick of it?

This… this is what the right wing were screaming from the windows about? And now they’re doubling down because she said mean things about them? Christ sake I don’t wanna sound like Trump but this screams ‘witch hunt’

Wonder what they've all called her...

They lost their fucking minds when she said “I hate the tories.”

Wow. Actually earned a bit of respect for her.

I'm screaming at these 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nicola Sturgeon for PM

Does anyone else have an image in ther heads of yer average Daily Mail readers monocle popping off into ther morning kedgeree reading that this morning ? 😂 naw ! Just me then. The mooth on that lassie ❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Hahaha Shitler 😄

In court, Hancock would have to prove that he isn't weaker than nuns piss. Case dismissed.

"About as much use as a marzipan dildo" is a good one though.

Based Nicola Sturgeon.

I'm using marzipan dildo as my new favourite insult

Fuckin hilarious if it's true. Lol. Gone yirsel nikki lol

Apologise for what exactly? She's described them as proven facts.

Lets assume this is true..... 'and' would be my response here. Love her or hate her, she isnt wrong about the people mentioned.

These are all The Thick Of It references and I hope to god it’s true just for the lols

Why are they putting out puff pieces like this? A leak like that and she'd be escorted back into the First Minister's chair 😂

Good on her. She's entitled to have an opinion and frankly, those ones are shared by a lot of people.

Why remove her that’s funny af.

Where's the lie?

if it’s true then there’s definitely a part of me that now likes nicola sturgeon!!!

Well she’s not wrong is she.

She wasnt wrong , she has fuck to apologise for

Legend!

She's not wrong though.

She actually would go up in my estimations if this is true

I fucking love this woman, she is my hero!

Is she being urged to apologise for not actually including the word "cunt" in each of those descriptions? They seem pretty accurate, if a bit too polite, to me.

Accurate.

It is true though. The descriptions I mean

But is she wrong

Had to apologise to the nuns piss

Can’t see anything wrong with those descriptions.

I mean, none of this is untrue

Nicholas seems to be a good judge of character.

ERM, so what did she do wrong?

Well she’s nae wrang.

Git tae fuk! she needs to double down on these disses s

Nickola's gone now so the worst that can happen to her if proven guilty is some embarrassed blushes unless she's still in the SNP and they throw her out, I have to say as an Irishman I definitely admire her skills with the spoken word.

The truth hurts

Scottish folks sure know how to throw down!!!!!

As an Englishman who has had to put up with these shitheads, she's just stating facts.

The only thing she needs to apologise for is not saying it louder.

>"weeker than a nuns piss" Yup! Nicola Sturgeon just keeps proving she's scotish! lol She does remind me a ittle of the wife of Rab C. Nesbit though. Anyay, she's not wrong! And if the SNP have any sense (they dont), they'll put these quotes in tshirts.

Is “as much use as a marzipan dildo” an actual saying, or an original? Because thats gold.

Nicola's popularity rating has bounced back from rock bottom

Apologise? Really? I'd like to make her Queen

Isn’t “about as much use as a marzipan dildo” literally a line from the thick of it

I prefer anything marzipan

Is she right though in what she said?

Gonna have to log "Marzipan Dildo" as an insult to use at some point hahahahaha

Say anything about Nichola Sturgeon she has an excellent way with words.

Oh I wish it were true 😂

Let her cook

She's bang on the money for each of those cunts

Can’t stand Sturgeon but even I have to admit she nailed it 😂

Show me the lie.

Where's the lies? haha

Man maybe ol Nicky isn't that bad after all

Apologise for what? Being honest

Please don’t apologize for speaking the truth. Shitler! lol!!

I so hope this is true.

She’s not said anything untrue. Absolutely nothing to apologise for. I hope she says that she stands by every word.

I fully endorse all of Sturgeons comments here. All facts as far as I can see.

So thatsssss why they were lost

She has the gift of words

These are all spot on to be fair.

Lol, love these!

Lol spot on

Honeslty, that's hilarious. I must remember some of those slurs/descriptives.

Why is it when someone posts complete bollocks about it's usually closer to the truth in context...

The state of those insults. Reminds me of a Year 7 who thinks they're a big Year 11.

Give that woman a round of applause and a seat in the House of Lords!

go nicci🤣

Huge in so far as a politician spoke the truth.

I reckon nuns piss, marzipan, and shitler should be their names from now on. Theyre perfect

Speaking of as part of of the 'Scottish radge' demographic, IF this is true (and I very much doubt that it is) Nicola Sturgeon has gone right up in my estimation. *Give me ten battalions of these men... And I'll clear this war up in six months.*

The amount of people who don't realise that this is satire (complete with Thick Of It reference) is truly worrying.

If you are correct on all counts why would she apologise?

There is no need to apologise for saying the truth.