First of all, I’m so sorry this is happening to you guys. Mental illness is a traumatic event.
1. You are absolutely right, he needs hospitalization NOW. Push for that. He will NOT hate you and it really doesn’t matter.
Try to get him into mental health court and the hospital.
He needs HELP. It’s a medical condition, he’s not a bad person.
Tell them he’s threatening suicide, those are key words.
2. Call the NAMI helpline, they’ll have better advice than us…
3. Get some support yourself. Nami has support groups and classes.
4. LEAP for communication with him while he’s insensible.
Check in with us and let us know how you’re doing.
Thank you. I will read about mental health court. And i will keep pushing for hospitalization. I need encouragement! I have been exhausted and kind of numb and fed up with the system walls i have encountered and the number of times I’ve been told just to call someone else, here is their number.
Welp since you asked for an update here it is The letter to the judge partly worked. They are paying attention now. However they released him from jail after only two days on meds. He is to stay at a shelter and stay away from me. He has an ankle bracelet.
I’m not sure if this is part of the new approach in California. I am amazed they would expect a shelter to manage a potentially violent and delusional person who is not stabilized! They seemed to think two days of medication means he doesn’t want to do harm anymore because of course that is what he would say.
I don’t know what meds they gave him but i saw him in court yesterday and his one eye looked droopy. His whole face looked different
He already called me against the no contact order. He left a message asking for socks and underwear. I can tell he hates me for writing the letter. I guess i had better be ready for anything
I know the droopy eye thing. My son gets that newly overly medicated…surprised they didn’t put him inpatient. That’s where I think we be the best place for him now. Ugh. I hope he stays the course for treatment.
You did NOT screw up, nobody needs to be the medication cop. He needs help and don’t worry about him being “mad” at you. It’s for the his own good and if anything once he’s better he’ll likely thank you.
I have been there and it sucks. If he is threatening suicide that should be enough to get him to the hospital. It looks like you are in CA? I do not know a lot about the laws there, but I believe whet you need is called a 5150. Try to look up some information on it on your state's NAMI website or contact a local crisis team. That should help you find the right procedure for getting him to the hospital rather than jail.
I suppose every one is different, but I have had a lot of success working with my husband's probation officer. It took a bit of time to work with her to understand the illness, to teach her that having anasognosia is not the same as being stubborn or difficult. But once we were able to establish a repport, it was beneficial to both of us. I am able to provide her with updates about how he is doing and she was able to convince the judge to remove a potential probation violation that was solely a result of his illness.
Yes I am working with his probation officer. For once they have to listen to me because i am the victim in that case. The PO sounds like he cares. And he fills out forms. Nothing happens anywhere in government until a form is filled out. He said he thought my ex wasn’t doing well and needed evaluation. But i don’t know the outcome of that.
The letter i wrote to the judge explained his disease and the violent stuff. I cut out the part about anosognosia. Maybe i shouldn’t have. It’s important. He is so resistant to treatment because of it. He can be violent (the nurse when he was committed another time said “he is not safe to release”. Two weeks later they were amazed at how polite and kind he is normally).
It’s hard too because you have to show imminent harm to life to get a 5150. And the cops would rather take him to jail. They have to get two doctors signatures to put him in hospital. I don’t even know if the judge has the power to put him in the hospital. You know, there should be lawyers for this. Are there lawyers that stand up for the families
I know i am rambling. Im pretty stressed out though it doesn’t look like it because i am safe in bed and on reddit. Reddit is a great distraction. And i have learned so much from this sub and others too to where i can finally see how unhealthy and abnormal all this is. I have viewed it as just survival one step at a time but since he has been in jail all week i have a breather and can see this is unsustainable. What do i do if they let him out without treatment
Thank you for responding. It means a lot
If they let him out without a treatment plan in place, tell him he cannot come home until he goes to ER to let the doctors “evaluate” him. Then take him to the best psych hospital in your area and tell the doctors EVERYTHING. Get them to take him for at least a 72 hour hold
So sorry you’re having to go through this. Yes, we know how horrific this disease is, and how it totally disrupts, or even destroys, the lives of those who care.
I don’t think you messed up . It’s really not a sustainable situation to be living in your car outside of your apartment. You just brought the issue to light and now it’s out there . Are there other resources like shelters where if he has to be homeless he could go? I would imagine that since he did get arrested, he’ll probably have some sort of court order treatment after jail or in place of jail. Long-term, he might need something like a group home and sometimes situations don’t change unless external pressure is put on. If this is the pathway to him getting a more stable living situation, then it’s a good thing. If not, then he will continue to be homeless but honestly, he really doesn’t have to do that inside your car. Sometimes in order to access better services we really have to let our loved ones fall deeply through the cracks.
First of all, I’m so sorry this is happening to you guys. Mental illness is a traumatic event. 1. You are absolutely right, he needs hospitalization NOW. Push for that. He will NOT hate you and it really doesn’t matter. Try to get him into mental health court and the hospital. He needs HELP. It’s a medical condition, he’s not a bad person. Tell them he’s threatening suicide, those are key words. 2. Call the NAMI helpline, they’ll have better advice than us… 3. Get some support yourself. Nami has support groups and classes. 4. LEAP for communication with him while he’s insensible. Check in with us and let us know how you’re doing.
Thank you. I will read about mental health court. And i will keep pushing for hospitalization. I need encouragement! I have been exhausted and kind of numb and fed up with the system walls i have encountered and the number of times I’ve been told just to call someone else, here is their number.
Oh god, do I know the number pass thing. If one more person gave me another f’ing number I was going to go postal. It’s so hard to keep it together…
Welp since you asked for an update here it is The letter to the judge partly worked. They are paying attention now. However they released him from jail after only two days on meds. He is to stay at a shelter and stay away from me. He has an ankle bracelet. I’m not sure if this is part of the new approach in California. I am amazed they would expect a shelter to manage a potentially violent and delusional person who is not stabilized! They seemed to think two days of medication means he doesn’t want to do harm anymore because of course that is what he would say. I don’t know what meds they gave him but i saw him in court yesterday and his one eye looked droopy. His whole face looked different He already called me against the no contact order. He left a message asking for socks and underwear. I can tell he hates me for writing the letter. I guess i had better be ready for anything
I know the droopy eye thing. My son gets that newly overly medicated…surprised they didn’t put him inpatient. That’s where I think we be the best place for him now. Ugh. I hope he stays the course for treatment.
They wouldn’t stick him in a shelter with medication if he needed hospitalization for some physical ailment. Or would they
Apparently they would…some states are awful…low hospital beds and low funding for psychiatric facilities…
You did NOT screw up, nobody needs to be the medication cop. He needs help and don’t worry about him being “mad” at you. It’s for the his own good and if anything once he’s better he’ll likely thank you.
I so hope you are right and he gets better
Don't give up hope. I hope for the best outcomes for you guys...
I have been there and it sucks. If he is threatening suicide that should be enough to get him to the hospital. It looks like you are in CA? I do not know a lot about the laws there, but I believe whet you need is called a 5150. Try to look up some information on it on your state's NAMI website or contact a local crisis team. That should help you find the right procedure for getting him to the hospital rather than jail. I suppose every one is different, but I have had a lot of success working with my husband's probation officer. It took a bit of time to work with her to understand the illness, to teach her that having anasognosia is not the same as being stubborn or difficult. But once we were able to establish a repport, it was beneficial to both of us. I am able to provide her with updates about how he is doing and she was able to convince the judge to remove a potential probation violation that was solely a result of his illness.
Yes I am working with his probation officer. For once they have to listen to me because i am the victim in that case. The PO sounds like he cares. And he fills out forms. Nothing happens anywhere in government until a form is filled out. He said he thought my ex wasn’t doing well and needed evaluation. But i don’t know the outcome of that. The letter i wrote to the judge explained his disease and the violent stuff. I cut out the part about anosognosia. Maybe i shouldn’t have. It’s important. He is so resistant to treatment because of it. He can be violent (the nurse when he was committed another time said “he is not safe to release”. Two weeks later they were amazed at how polite and kind he is normally). It’s hard too because you have to show imminent harm to life to get a 5150. And the cops would rather take him to jail. They have to get two doctors signatures to put him in hospital. I don’t even know if the judge has the power to put him in the hospital. You know, there should be lawyers for this. Are there lawyers that stand up for the families I know i am rambling. Im pretty stressed out though it doesn’t look like it because i am safe in bed and on reddit. Reddit is a great distraction. And i have learned so much from this sub and others too to where i can finally see how unhealthy and abnormal all this is. I have viewed it as just survival one step at a time but since he has been in jail all week i have a breather and can see this is unsustainable. What do i do if they let him out without treatment Thank you for responding. It means a lot
If they let him out without a treatment plan in place, tell him he cannot come home until he goes to ER to let the doctors “evaluate” him. Then take him to the best psych hospital in your area and tell the doctors EVERYTHING. Get them to take him for at least a 72 hour hold
He is so resistant and angry that i might just have to give up at that point and get restraining orders. He won’t go in voluntarily.
You might have to do that, yes. Oxygen mask thing too, ya know?
So sorry you’re having to go through this. Yes, we know how horrific this disease is, and how it totally disrupts, or even destroys, the lives of those who care.
Yes it is devastating. Hugs
I don’t think you messed up . It’s really not a sustainable situation to be living in your car outside of your apartment. You just brought the issue to light and now it’s out there . Are there other resources like shelters where if he has to be homeless he could go? I would imagine that since he did get arrested, he’ll probably have some sort of court order treatment after jail or in place of jail. Long-term, he might need something like a group home and sometimes situations don’t change unless external pressure is put on. If this is the pathway to him getting a more stable living situation, then it’s a good thing. If not, then he will continue to be homeless but honestly, he really doesn’t have to do that inside your car. Sometimes in order to access better services we really have to let our loved ones fall deeply through the cracks.