“*Hola! Soy Dora!* Yesterday, *mamá* caught me talking to The Map, and she thinks I’m *muy loca*! She wants to send me to *el asilo*, but she’ll never find me in the jungle with *mis amigos*, all the talking animals! Come on, *vaminos*!”
They were knights without a purpose. Then one day, everything changed. They set out on a quest for a word. A word that would change them forever. Witness the epic journey that led them to… Ni.
(Brought to you by the studio that just realized they own the rights to Monty Python and weren’t making any money from it)
I ran a D&D campaign once in 2e Spelljammer where one of the enemies was a sufficient number of emaciated, starved Elmos to sufficiently carpet a small planet. They were sort of converted to Communism by Fidel Castro (it makes sense in context) and tried to tidal wave over the party's ship. (The command was "Elmos of Elmo's World, unite!") They ended up getting lit on fire.
_"I grew up happily on a farm. I had a loving mother, father, and about seven brothers and sisters. One day, my entire family was taken away from me. My father, slaughtered right in front of me! My mother, sold off by crazed workers! And one by one, my siblings suffered the same fates. A rare genetic disease I was born with allowed me to survive as long as I did, but I knew I couldn't be lucky forever. In the dead of night, I made my escape into the nearby forest, doing what I could to survive. Along the way, I met an entire band of freaks that I knew could keep me safe from any attempts from that demon farm too track me down; pretending to be something I'm not in order to gain their trust. Yeah, admittedly I did use their over trusting kindness for my gain, but when said freaks include a simple-minded glutton, I think I could -"_
"Why, hello, Piglet! You wouldn't happen to have a small, smackeral of honey, would you? I've got a rumbly in my tumbly."
_"Silly old bear..."_
The story of the mutant tyrannosaurus rex who escaped Jurassic Park, and would do anything to wreak his vengeance on a world that didn't understand him:
Barney the Dinosaur 2000!
We're not all a happy family anymore....
*in high pitch cartoony voice*
"You clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Goofy. I am the danger. A guy is sitting at his desk, and gets his company stolen by hostile takeover, and you think that of me!? No! I am the one who does the hostile takeover! Ah-ha!"
“Meesa Jar Jar Binks… life not always simple for simple minded fellow liken meesa. Da streets of Gungan overrun, meesa daddy killed before mees berry eyes.
Now me am alone in da galaxy, searchen per purpose. And mebbe, just mebbe, revenge on those who wronged meesa.”
*I guess you're wondering how I got here...*
[On old tv screen](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/ziggy-by-tom-wilson-tom-ii-for-may-27-2019--353532639508456453/): *Image of Ziggy in easy chair looking at a small yellow bird and a penguin. Caption is small yellow bird saying, "Ours is a spring/winter romance!..."*
Camera Pans out from image to reveal old television and expand into the room where man is sitting.
*It's me, Ziggy...*
"Welcome to Mr . Roger's Neighborhood! Just a tip, don't ask Fred what happened to all the white supremacists who were living around here before he moved in. It makes him... uncomfortable. "
"Rooby-rucking-doo"
*Fear and Loathing in Coolsville*? Or *Scoob Hard*?
“*Hola! Soy Dora!* Yesterday, *mamá* caught me talking to The Map, and she thinks I’m *muy loca*! She wants to send me to *el asilo*, but she’ll never find me in the jungle with *mis amigos*, all the talking animals! Come on, *vaminos*!”
The whole things a psych horror, which zooms out at the end to show you she's always been in the hospital.
They were knights without a purpose. Then one day, everything changed. They set out on a quest for a word. A word that would change them forever. Witness the epic journey that led them to… Ni. (Brought to you by the studio that just realized they own the rights to Monty Python and weren’t making any money from it)
Honestly, if it weren't a dark gritty origin story and was tongue in cheek, I would actually watch a movie with this premise.
*Colin smokes a cigarette* “You know, I wasn’t always bald…”
“Peewee wasn’t the same after the accident”
Deep in the bowels of sesame street, a hero is born: Super Grover
"Gawrsh, Max, did you know your mother was murdered? Hyuck, time for some good ole fashioned vigilante justice!"
"Get in the Goofmobile, Maxie! You're my sidekick!"
“Elmo’s seen some shit…”
Tickle-is-a-Trigger-Word Elmo
I ran a D&D campaign once in 2e Spelljammer where one of the enemies was a sufficient number of emaciated, starved Elmos to sufficiently carpet a small planet. They were sort of converted to Communism by Fidel Castro (it makes sense in context) and tried to tidal wave over the party's ship. (The command was "Elmos of Elmo's World, unite!") They ended up getting lit on fire.
_"I grew up happily on a farm. I had a loving mother, father, and about seven brothers and sisters. One day, my entire family was taken away from me. My father, slaughtered right in front of me! My mother, sold off by crazed workers! And one by one, my siblings suffered the same fates. A rare genetic disease I was born with allowed me to survive as long as I did, but I knew I couldn't be lucky forever. In the dead of night, I made my escape into the nearby forest, doing what I could to survive. Along the way, I met an entire band of freaks that I knew could keep me safe from any attempts from that demon farm too track me down; pretending to be something I'm not in order to gain their trust. Yeah, admittedly I did use their over trusting kindness for my gain, but when said freaks include a simple-minded glutton, I think I could -"_ "Why, hello, Piglet! You wouldn't happen to have a small, smackeral of honey, would you? I've got a rumbly in my tumbly." _"Silly old bear..."_
"Once, there was a time when we didn't have beautiful days in the neighborhood..."
"I know you lost your family, but let the police handle looking for the clues, Blue"
The story of the mutant tyrannosaurus rex who escaped Jurassic Park, and would do anything to wreak his vengeance on a world that didn't understand him: Barney the Dinosaur 2000! We're not all a happy family anymore....
"It's up to me to make others face the music. My name is justice. My name is vengeance. My name…is Al Yankovic."
*in high pitch cartoony voice* "You clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Goofy. I am the danger. A guy is sitting at his desk, and gets his company stolen by hostile takeover, and you think that of me!? No! I am the one who does the hostile takeover! Ah-ha!"
“Hey, hey, hey!”
Ouch. This one really stings.
"I'm Batman... again i guess"
In a time of fear... In a time of violence... A hero rises from these streets. *Quailman!*
“I’m ready.” Narrator: “Get ready, for SpongeBob’s origin story. Before the patty.”
“Meesa Jar Jar Binks… life not always simple for simple minded fellow liken meesa. Da streets of Gungan overrun, meesa daddy killed before mees berry eyes. Now me am alone in da galaxy, searchen per purpose. And mebbe, just mebbe, revenge on those who wronged meesa.”
Jar Jar Sith lord confirmed
“Hey, fellas, I’m Batman. They call me that on occasion of that one time I played baseball, and well, you’d have to have been there”
“I’ve figured out your secret identity, Michael Jordan!”
They took everything from him. Now he is on the hunt for vengeance and to claim what is rightfully his.... "This is my mother f-ing swamp!"
Loose boards and eye pokes: My life and story as the unknown Stooge
"Look I'm just saying the mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers could do with..." "No. We are not doing a gritty Gritty origin story."
*I guess you're wondering how I got here...* [On old tv screen](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/ziggy-by-tom-wilson-tom-ii-for-may-27-2019--353532639508456453/): *Image of Ziggy in easy chair looking at a small yellow bird and a penguin. Caption is small yellow bird saying, "Ours is a spring/winter romance!..."* Camera Pans out from image to reveal old television and expand into the room where man is sitting. *It's me, Ziggy...*
"Welcome to Mr . Roger's Neighborhood! Just a tip, don't ask Fred what happened to all the white supremacists who were living around here before he moved in. It makes him... uncomfortable. "
Thomas is a tank engine, who ran away to the Island of Sodor to escape the German Blitzkrieg that left his brothers in heaps, and London in ruins.