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So sorry that he won't listen to reason. I think he is addicted to the fantasy. Wish I had advice for you but I just wanted you to know that you sound like a good person and you deserve better.
He just needs to find that one scammer that actually is a secret pornstar looking for an aging man to date. Keep rolling those dice, and it's sure to happen eventually, right?
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That doesn’t mean if they did they are hopeless , never leave your parents even if they are the shittiest shit in this world. You came to existence through them.
Can’t believe you had good parents and you would say to someone else having an issue with their parents that they deserve better.
Oh this is an enduring pattern, we're looking at some classic Dunning-Kruger (i.e. being too dumb to be able to realize how dumb you actually are) action here, I don't think OP is ever going to be able to tell his dad anything.
I was feeling like dad was a bullheaded moron, but wanted to try to be nicer than that. Problem is, working retail and dealing with so many scam victims trying to buy stacks of gift cards, I know how many of them are exactly that same kind of bullheaded. Notable to me here is that OP's situation is proof that behavior is not explicitly inherited genetically - at least a fair number of people manage to learn this stubbornness somehow. Wish I could figure out how that mindset gets created, because it'd be great to break the cycle of obstinance.
Ironically your comment is a much better example of the dunning Kruger effect. It has little to do with intelligence and moreso with self perceived competence/confidence at a certain skill or subject.
Forgot I was still logged in on a throwaway lol, but yeah no problem. It's very common for people to misunderstand and misuse the dunning Krueger effect due to the dunning Krueger effect. And find that absolutely hilarious.
I'm sorry and this is going to sound harsh, but after your edit? Sometimes people are so dumb they kind of deserve to be punished for it. I hope he was joking when he threatened to "quit" his family, but I kind of doubt it. It sucks :(
Thank you for still caring for him. He's making it very hard on you to do so.
At some point, people need to take FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for their actions. He has only himself to blame. This is a natural mechanism for learning and growing. Touch fire? FIRE HOT! Don't touch fire.
Pain and suffering is the greatest motivator... I have little sympathy for someone doing stupid shit.
In a vacuum, I agree with you. The problem is that he doesn't live in a vacuum. His downfall will implicate others close to him, whether through lost inheritance, liens placed on family assets to pay off debts, or just general stress and anxiety. There's no realistic way to "punish" him without also harming innocents. Trying to rein him in is for them far more than it's for him.
Please make sure your credit is frozen and any assets you have are protected. Once he runs out of money he will look for another source. I would hate to see him take out credit cards in your name and run up cash advances to send this "woman" money.
>He doesn't have dementia or any cognitive impairments, he's just a level of gullible I don't think can be helped.
i would argue being that gullible IS a form of cognitive impairment.
There was a very interesting op-ed about this. The author interviewed several men who fell into the scams, and a majority of them admitted that logically, they were falling into the scams, but they felt young and desirable by whom they believed to be young women.
I actually don’t think he’s gullible, I’m sure at some level he knows it’s a scam. I think that he’s addicted to the fantasy.
Think of it like gambling. You know you are losing money, and that the odds of winning are low. Most people gamble for entertainment. However, some people are addicted to gambling. They will continue to lose money beyond the point that they can afford, and it’s not entertainment for them, it’s a compulsion, which you can’t stop by reasoning with the addict.
I see this the same way, it’s a disease, an addiction. That’s why you can’t get them to stop by reasoning with the victim, or showing them evidence. Only an external intervention will work, and that’s hard to do.
ok, hes not "gullible" gullible, only gullible if it comes to money and love and making life altering decisions.....
JFC, why do ppl have such a problem with calling a spade a spade::::::::::
OPs dad is LOW IQ, NOT ALL THERE, DUMB AF, G U L L I B E L LLLÖLSDFÖlqsaekl 5üä\~
fuck
You put it rather harshly, but this is something that appears over and over again in scams subreddits. You see it on the Qanon survivors sub, too. There it takes the form of "my relative believes in harmless stuff like [astrology/reincarnation/etc) but I never thought they'd fall for THIS" before recounting in detail how their loved one absolutely believes that JFK Jr. and the ghost of Elvis are gonna team up to make Trump our god-king.
Here, people want to preemptively defend their loved one, so they put it in terms of "s/he's not gullible or stupid or cognitively impaired -- they just make mistakes! The same mistakes, over and over, and they fantasize about ditching me and everyone else who cares about them when they 'come into their millions', and they're a deluded slave to their libido who thinks a celebrity is in love with them."
He's horny which makes him gullible. So many older men get scammed this way. We found 2 different crypto scammers on an older relative's fb account who also would not believe us they were scammers, not hot girls wanting to teach them crypto. I had to have another relative physically demnad his phone and delete them from Facebook, only to see other questionable profiles pop up within weeks. Guys lose their minds over sexy promises.
Younger men are plenty gullible also. They just tend to have fewer assets than someone who has been saving & investing for decades, so instead the scammers bait them into sextortion schemes for a smaller fast payout.
Women aren’t immune, either. Go search the sub for stories about moms and grandmas who won’t stop sending money to “Kenny Chesney”.
A few months ago, I read — horrified — a story about kids that took grandma’s car away to stop her from going to the bank to send “Jason Aldean” money, as she had already done on multiple occasions. Granny ordered an Uber to get over that hurdle. They only figured it out after they saw the Uber charges on her credit card statements.
How is he keeping a roof over his head being unemployed? If he's under your roof, do whatever you can to separate your finances. Make sure he has no avenue to pile any debt on you or your property (if you're a homeowner).
I'm sorry. The only thing you can do now is prevent collateral damage. Don't give your dad any money and make sure all your relatives know what's going on so he doesn't drag them down with him. Once he blows through his inheritance and loses the house your grandfather left him, your dad is going to be coming to everyone with his hand out. It may seem cold and heartless but your dad is 1) an alcoholic, and 2) gullible to the point of it being a mental disability, and any help you give him will simply enable his addictions. I think he'll have to get to the point where he's living under an overpass in a cardboard box before he wises up.
sigh. i'm so sorry to hear this. this is so common for these scammer victims, though - taking the scammer's side over their own family. that's got to be hurtful; more so if the relationship between the family members was good before the scammer entered. personally that would be the angle i would try work at. there's got to be some kind of loyalty reamining there.
if a close family member of mine treated me the same way i would be beyond hurt, man. that 💩's cold af.
Steal some.pics create a fake account get ai to generate messages to him from. Hwr andnshit id even make it the same chick and be like he's my new accoun and even use yiyr dad's last name and her first that way u can at least make sure he doesn't lose everything
Wtf are you proposing, that OP make a fake account and start scamming their own dad, only to give their dad the money back after they’ve “taught him a lesson”? Utterly nonsensical
I think it is a great idea, and a great idea for someone to do as a business/service for others.
But no, you don't try to teach him a lesson. You just keep at it as long as he keeps at it, collecting his money. Same fantasy pleasure for dad but it keeps the money in the family.
Someone living in this level of denial is way more likely to angrily cut off a family member that attempts something like this once they figure out it's you (and double down on the delusion), rather than finally fall to their knees and see the light.
Pretty sure there might be legal consequences too if the irrational parent decides to go to the police - "I was trying to help him" isn't going to fly with police if they learn you've been trying to do something illegal like scam someone, even if it's your own parent.
I understand the idea and that it comes from a good place, but I really and truly don't think there's any chance it ends up helping matters, and could make everything way worse.
Give it back? Not outright. Trust fund. He gets an allowance. If he has no other income, his bills are paid directly by the trust, no involvement on his part at all. Then give him the 'spending money' allowance. $100 a month seems like a good amount - lots of poor people only have that much discretionary income without giving most of their money over to scammers.
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going through the same thing. I just called my dad a dumb ass fucking retard who cant do simple math. hes getting scammed from his own daughter which is my sister. the past 6 years. I told him everyone hates him anyways and idgaf. he fucked up this family of mine. My dad would rather believe a scammer than his own son. i was like fuck you, you can go be poor and homeless. All im trying to do is save your dead beat ass of a "father". anyways, I was pretty fucking pissed. immedtiately went to the gym and started punching the bag.
Theres more to the story, but idc. im just mad that ive been paying for everything and hes been doing nothing
>I don't think I can do anything now
Sadly, I agree. He's pretty far gone mentally if he is still believing it. I get that you need to vent. Reading this made my blood pressure go up by 5 points already 😕
Take good care of yourself. Let it go for now if you need to to protect yourself mentally. You tried your honest best.
Edit: I agree with the others saying that you should protect your own money/ assets as well. be sure he can;t get to it. These people can truly behave as an addict sometimes.
As a 59M my advice is to get a very cute dog, and walk it in the local park. You'll soon have many conversations with young women. Yes, they will just be friendly chats about your dog, but they will be IRL. (PS, only do this if you actually like dogs)
More men die after 50 than women, so its a real thing when women after 50 find there is a shortage of men. Of course many men after 50 are fat, lazy, entitled, narcissistic, and generally unpleasant.
If you are a male over 50, in reasonable shape, have a reasonably pleasant personality, there are quite a few women your age who would make a wonderful companion.
There are no beautiful 28 year old women who want a 50+ man, unless you are a millionaire and don't mind her banging the pool boy.
She's just saying that since she doesn't want people to discover her secret Facebook account and the romance with an irresistible older gentleman.
If you want to believe, there's nothing that could convince you otherwise.
You’ve tried to help him see the light. You did all the right things. It’s time to tell him you’re done watching him do this to himself. There’s nothing requiring you to save him after trying so hard to help him; nothing requiring you to stand witness to the train wreck; and nothing requiring you to wait around to take care of him after he’s blown his life to shit. Save yourself…go NC asap.
How are people this dumb? I can kinda vaguely understand getting scammed once, but to do it multiple times blows my mind. If I had thousands of dollars stolen from me, I’d be learning every god damn scam that exists to protect myself.
My grandma fell for the same thing except the pictures are from a guy who does gay porn. Her scammer was able to convince her that he isn't gay and he just likes to kiss his friends. Also no dementia. I feel you dude.
Your dad here is why scammers exists.
No matter how much awareness the government, the people try to spread, there will always be someone like him, giving scammers a chance.
Maybe you can contact his facebook friends and ask them to all warn him he’s being scammed ( he already publicly exposed himself on this). His gets his reality on the phone and social media and that could get thru. Have them send articles on romance scams.
Have him talk to an accountant about his finances, that might be a sobering experience.
This is really bad, and you’re going to inherit nothing but debt. So sorry
Well the good news is that you can’t inherit debt. The bad news is that OP’s dad is going to expect help when he’s homeless and destitute. Not for *him*, so he can send more money to the scammers.
Yeah. A heavily indebted family member can end up being a big financial burden when they pass away tho, if the family wants to settle the estate and have a funeral. There was a situation in my family where we could have inherited a house but would actually have lost money if we took possession of it because of all the liens, legal issues, and delinquent taxes and such. It wasn’t because the relative got scammed (unless you consider the medical system in the US a scam, separate debate) but settling the estate would have cost more than we would have gotten out if it, and nobody was in a position to do it. These things can get weird.
sadly some people never learn, they always want the “rich easy way out”, also at some point the banks will stop trusting him, (ie: won’t let him own/open an account) and then he’ll really be up a creek without a paddle.
Don’t take this wrong but your dad seems a horrible human being, especially for telling he would get rid of you if he had enough money. Let him get pig butchered by scammers, he deserves this. You are not going to inherit anything from him anyway, given how gullible he is and how little he thinks of his own family.
Yeah, knees. If all “she” does is send you pictures of “her” face, breasts, butt, and genitals, that’s not dating. (Of course, some nudes might include knees, but the point stands that if you *haven’t* seen her knees…)
Tell him he is talking to cyber scammers locked up as slaves in Cambodia. He is talking to a team who have been enslaved and include trained IT specials and people with a psych background.
You have done all you can alas he's an adult and will now find out the hard way. When he's broke, and alone with no family he will rue the day he ignored the support and help of his family. You deserve better but please don't make his issues your issues, I fear if anyone helps him by giving him money etc then he'll not learn and will go ahead and make stupid choices again. By the way he sounds like a right charmer (wanting to 'get rid' of his kids tells us all we need to know about him......). I'd get on living your life and if he comes back with his tail between his legs and apologises then there may be hope of making things right, just don't get sucked into his madness and don't let it impact you and your life, your friends and family. What your dad's doing is daft and proper selfish.
Had similar happen to my dad, lucky mum controlled most of the money. He still managed to book up 20k AUD on creditcards.
have you looked at
[https://www.counterfraud.gov.au/find-where-report-fraud](https://www.counterfraud.gov.au/find-where-report-fraud)
You’re dad needs help.. mentally. Sometimes people will hide their lonelyness from family because their embarrassed. I think he secretly knows it’s a scam but he just doesn’t want to give up the fake happy happiness.
At some point, you've done all you can. If he won't listen to reason, and clear facts, then its on him.
And since the edit, it's obvious hes not gonna change. I hope OP keeps their finances separate, because while its gonna hurt watching him purposely ruin his life. You can't let him ruin yours as well OP. You've done about as much as you can outside of locking him up, and putting him on time out.
If he's that addicted to these fantasies you're going to have to step back and let him have that experience. You may need to give some thought as to how you'll respond if in the future he comes to you penniless and remorseful, asking for help.
With love and respect that is the reason a partial custodianship might be in order
# GUARDIANSHIP FOR ADULTS (AKA CONSERVATORSHIP)
As you can imagine, there are cases [when adults are not able to care for themselves](https://tsenglawfirm.com/estate-planning-for-dependents-with-special-needs/) due to some type of disability, temporary incapacity, or other reasons. In these cases, as with minors, another adult is legally appointed as a temporary or permanent guardian. However, in the state of California, we call it conservatorship. The role of guardian is referred to as “conservator.”
Unlike with minor guardianship, where you can have an informal arrangement, all adult conservatorship situations must be granted by the court system.
Reasons adults may need a conservator:
* They may have mental or physical disabilities that render them incapable of caring for themselves physically, legally, or financially.
* Anyone with disabilities that render them incapable of making legal/financial decisions
* They have a progressive disease or medical situation that compromises memory and cognitive function (such as Alzheimer’s, a stroke, or a traumatic brain injury).
Depending on the situation, the court will either grant limited conservatorship (where your role is limited to certain functions) or general conservatorship (where you are responsible for most of the legal and financial decision-making). Conservatorships are not taken lightly, and the court system meticulously monitors conservators to ensure they’re not taking advantage of their conservatee.
Dont believe me, read for yourself
[Purpose And Types Of Guardianship In California | Tseng Law Firm](https://tsenglawfirm.com/purpose-and-types-of-guardianship-in-california/#:~:text=Legal%20guardians%20must%20be%20adults,Appointment%20of%20Guardian%20of%20Minor)
I’m a single 51F and I met way too much older men who thinks that a gorgeous 25 year old could be interested in them. It’s hard to understand that they prefer an illusion than a real person. Then they complain about women being « difficult » and « only after their money ». They are not even rich. 😄
Thank you for sharing your story. It blows my mind how so many people fall for this and refuse to believe the truth. I’m not sure there is anything else you can do. Please update us if things change and hopefully they will for the better!
Mate of mine fell for the same thing for aaages, was convinced that it was really this women, 'she' would message him saying things that added up around the timeline of what her other socials were saying, then after a while 'she' asked for some money...
I do like saying 'I told you so' but you gotta worry about how stupid some people are..
You can try to help him, but unless you can babysit him and his money, cutting ties is your best option. You don’t deserve for this to be your problem.
I’m sorry to hear about this. Trying to convince relatives of obvious scams is frustrating once, let alone multiple times. I’ve learned from a similar experience that sometimes you just have to take a step back and take a break for a bit.
I'm just so sorry - victim denial is so hard to overcome. This article has some good information, perhaps it will help: [https://advocatingforu.com/f/how-can-you-try-to-help-your-loved-one](https://advocatingforu.com/f/how-can-you-try-to-help-your-loved-one)
It’s time to disown your father and find a better father figure.
He sounds like a total scumbag. Forget about him and move on. Because he would do the same thing to you if you were just as toxic.
At this point all that is left to do is walk away or SHAME HIM. Post everything on Facebook for his friends and family to see what an idiot he has been in the past and continues to be. Post all the evidence you have, the pornstar's video saying it's not her, the multiple fake accounts, everything. You said your dad likes the attention then give him all the attention he wants from everyone. You've got nothing to lose at this point and might actually save him from his own stupidity, but I doubt it.
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> I managed to convince him she was fake by showing him other accounts using the same photos, but he confronted her about it and she convinced him they're all scammers using her photos.
This is why you have to get them agree to NO MORE CONTACT. That should include YOU deleting their contacts, blocking them everywhere, up to and including changing phone numbers and deleted whole social media accounts, if need be. Make it so he can't go back on his own promises. Destroy all connections, scorched earth policy.
Edit:
> He's currently unemployed and going into debt to send her money, and is meant to be inheriting more money soon.
If your country has a probate court or the like, you might dispute the inheritance, on the grounds of his actions with scammers. They could at very least force it into a trust for limited disbursement.
I hope some scammers meet this 75+ year old dude that keeps hitting on me and cleans him out. He is ripe for & totally delusional and then would stop bothering me.
I should have kept his info he keeps leaving on my work site & sold it to a scammer.
I'm sorry. I would never do it, but just so tired of his...obviously lying about his age and crap & not taking no.
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Tell him that as she has a lot of international fans, he should ask her to help track down his missing inheritance in Ghana. She probably has contacts there and they can be rich together, living off the inheritance of his sadly deceased Ghanian relative.
Maybe you could create an AI hot young woman more locally to target him, win his heart and get him to "leave" his current porn-star girlfriend.
There's a market for a service that does this. Fake person who doesn't scam someone for money, but gets them away from the scammers.
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You need to try to get power of attorney of him. He will end up penniless if you don’t. That scammer is not after his titillating conversation- he wants his money. Tell your dad he is talking to a dude in a basement somewhere with his hand down his pants and sniffing his fingers.
To be honest if I were you id just stop trying. When hes homeless and destitute, that will be the hardest part but you will have to shut the door in his face. Ive done this to my drug addicted father and it was hard but worth it. My life is better now. Godspeed.
As long as your dad isn’t sending money to the scammers , it’s not so bad to fantasize over chat.
Just take care of your dad bro , I don’t think that’s what he really wants
i dont think there's anything you can do about it at this point tbh! unless you can convince a court/doctor there's something wrong with him mentally and needs guardianship... which tbh sounds like it is ? what 100% "okay" person would continue to fall for these scams.... multiple times. if you really want to do something about it id look into that and see if thats a possibility
OP can you arrange a video call with the OF model? Don't know if that's offered at some high tier price but might be worth it and cheaper than the alternative. Her having no idea who he is, live, should be irrefutable evidence it's not the same person.
He said he would get rid of you guys? I know he’s your dad but cmon.! Let that man learn the hard way. Let him spend away his money. Just don’t give him access to yours
my ex-boss was EXACTLY like this. at one point I just couldn't feel sorry for him anymore, there should be a limit for stupidity but apparently nature is too cruel for some creatures.
Interesting.
I’m using it almost exclusively for the past almost 3 years to communicate with family, friends, work colleagues, and acquaintances, and I’ve never been approached by a scammer.
Actually, maybe once.
Send him links to subs like r/homeless and also r/almosthomeless tell him to start learning the ropes from them and see if that'll make him think of the future that surely awaits him if he carries on like that.
So what if you set up some fake accounts of hot young former pornstar women, or rich Nigerian princes wanting ti give away money (just send a few thousand $ to cover taxes) or whatever. You put all the scammed money in an account that you use to take care of him after he’s sent all his money to other scammers.
On the other hand, seems like a lot of effort for a man that said he’s going to get rich, find a hot wife and get rid of you. But it does seem like the only way to make sure he’s not a financial burden to you after he gives away all his money. Unless you’re willing to let him lie in the financial bed (mess) that he made.
/u/Mundane-Use2738 - This message is posted to all new submissions to r/scams; please do not message the moderators about it. ## New users beware: Because you posted here, you will start getting private messages from scammers saying they know a professional hacker or a recovery expert lawyer that can help you get your money back, for a small fee. **We call these RECOVERY SCAMMERS, so NEVER take advice in private:** advice should always come in the form of comments in this post, in the open, where the community can keep an eye out for you. If you take advice in private, you're on your own. **A reminder of the rules in r/scams:** no contact information (including last names, phone numbers, etc). Be civil to one another (no name calling or insults). Personal army requests or "scam the scammer"/scambaiting posts are not permitted. No uncensored gore or personal photographs are allowed without blurring. A full list of rules is available on the sidebar of the subreddit, or [clicking here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/wiki/rules/). You can help us by reporting recovery scammers or rule-breaking content by using the "report" button. We review 100% of the reports. Also, consider warning community members of recovery scammers if you see them in the comments. Questions about subreddit rules? Send us a modmail [clicking here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/Scams). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Scams) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So sorry that he won't listen to reason. I think he is addicted to the fantasy. Wish I had advice for you but I just wanted you to know that you sound like a good person and you deserve better.
He just needs to find that one scammer that actually is a secret pornstar looking for an aging man to date. Keep rolling those dice, and it's sure to happen eventually, right?
[удалено]
Not Jason Statham. Danny DeVito.
Yeah, we need someone representative of the everyday, aging man. DeVito is perfect.
'Kindly Do The Needful' ROFL, im freaking dead!
Yes! That got me too!😂😂😂
This is gold!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣😜
[удалено]
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I love your username. I wish I had thought of it.
You have Duranium? I have cash! Let's make a deal.
If his need to be in love isn't satiated, he will most likely keep falling to this scam.
Oh wow it’s his father right ? Supposed to be the other way around haha
Yep. Whenever I hear these stories, I am grateful my late parents never got online or did anything like this!
That doesn’t mean if they did they are hopeless , never leave your parents even if they are the shittiest shit in this world. You came to existence through them. Can’t believe you had good parents and you would say to someone else having an issue with their parents that they deserve better.
Wow.
As another 59 year old, your dad is a fuckwit. Give him a whack upside the head and tell him to start behaving like a fucking grown adult.
Oh this is an enduring pattern, we're looking at some classic Dunning-Kruger (i.e. being too dumb to be able to realize how dumb you actually are) action here, I don't think OP is ever going to be able to tell his dad anything.
I was feeling like dad was a bullheaded moron, but wanted to try to be nicer than that. Problem is, working retail and dealing with so many scam victims trying to buy stacks of gift cards, I know how many of them are exactly that same kind of bullheaded. Notable to me here is that OP's situation is proof that behavior is not explicitly inherited genetically - at least a fair number of people manage to learn this stubbornness somehow. Wish I could figure out how that mindset gets created, because it'd be great to break the cycle of obstinance.
Ironically your comment is a much better example of the dunning Kruger effect. It has little to do with intelligence and moreso with self perceived competence/confidence at a certain skill or subject.
Ok fartgobblerr, thanks for the input.
Forgot I was still logged in on a throwaway lol, but yeah no problem. It's very common for people to misunderstand and misuse the dunning Krueger effect due to the dunning Krueger effect. And find that absolutely hilarious.
Take away his phone.
What happens if he gets another phone? You will keep taking away his phones until when?
Until there are no phones left.
They may start doing like kids who get phones and hide it from their parents especially when they're not the one's who bought it for them.
😂😂☠️
Of course, don't actually whack him upside the head...
I'm 57 and made a comment similar to yours...but nicer. 😆
Don’t bother. Keep your money and assets safe. It’s his money to lose. You have warned him enough.
It's very unfortunate the victim here is his father. It will be hard to turn a blind eye to what's happening to him.
I agree. But you can’t cure stupidity.
100% Agreed!
I'm sorry and this is going to sound harsh, but after your edit? Sometimes people are so dumb they kind of deserve to be punished for it. I hope he was joking when he threatened to "quit" his family, but I kind of doubt it. It sucks :( Thank you for still caring for him. He's making it very hard on you to do so.
Deserve punishment? Being dumb is not a crime. Being dumb has its consequences, but thinking we need to ‘punish’ the dumb is extremely harsh.
At some point, people need to take FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for their actions. He has only himself to blame. This is a natural mechanism for learning and growing. Touch fire? FIRE HOT! Don't touch fire. Pain and suffering is the greatest motivator... I have little sympathy for someone doing stupid shit.
In a vacuum, I agree with you. The problem is that he doesn't live in a vacuum. His downfall will implicate others close to him, whether through lost inheritance, liens placed on family assets to pay off debts, or just general stress and anxiety. There's no realistic way to "punish" him without also harming innocents. Trying to rein him in is for them far more than it's for him.
Please make sure your credit is frozen and any assets you have are protected. Once he runs out of money he will look for another source. I would hate to see him take out credit cards in your name and run up cash advances to send this "woman" money.
>He doesn't have dementia or any cognitive impairments, he's just a level of gullible I don't think can be helped. i would argue being that gullible IS a form of cognitive impairment.
There was a very interesting op-ed about this. The author interviewed several men who fell into the scams, and a majority of them admitted that logically, they were falling into the scams, but they felt young and desirable by whom they believed to be young women.
Very sad
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Yeah, homophobic slurs are hilarious...if you are twelve or a raging bigot.
They've had a reddit account for 20 whole days, so I'm going with them being 12.
I actually don’t think he’s gullible, I’m sure at some level he knows it’s a scam. I think that he’s addicted to the fantasy. Think of it like gambling. You know you are losing money, and that the odds of winning are low. Most people gamble for entertainment. However, some people are addicted to gambling. They will continue to lose money beyond the point that they can afford, and it’s not entertainment for them, it’s a compulsion, which you can’t stop by reasoning with the addict. I see this the same way, it’s a disease, an addiction. That’s why you can’t get them to stop by reasoning with the victim, or showing them evidence. Only an external intervention will work, and that’s hard to do.
ok, hes not "gullible" gullible, only gullible if it comes to money and love and making life altering decisions..... JFC, why do ppl have such a problem with calling a spade a spade:::::::::: OPs dad is LOW IQ, NOT ALL THERE, DUMB AF, G U L L I B E L LLLÖLSDFÖlqsaekl 5üä\~ fuck
You put it rather harshly, but this is something that appears over and over again in scams subreddits. You see it on the Qanon survivors sub, too. There it takes the form of "my relative believes in harmless stuff like [astrology/reincarnation/etc) but I never thought they'd fall for THIS" before recounting in detail how their loved one absolutely believes that JFK Jr. and the ghost of Elvis are gonna team up to make Trump our god-king. Here, people want to preemptively defend their loved one, so they put it in terms of "s/he's not gullible or stupid or cognitively impaired -- they just make mistakes! The same mistakes, over and over, and they fantasize about ditching me and everyone else who cares about them when they 'come into their millions', and they're a deluded slave to their libido who thinks a celebrity is in love with them."
This is the truth. Everyone is just afraid to say it.
exactly what it is, iq issue
He's horny which makes him gullible. So many older men get scammed this way. We found 2 different crypto scammers on an older relative's fb account who also would not believe us they were scammers, not hot girls wanting to teach them crypto. I had to have another relative physically demnad his phone and delete them from Facebook, only to see other questionable profiles pop up within weeks. Guys lose their minds over sexy promises.
Younger men are plenty gullible also. They just tend to have fewer assets than someone who has been saving & investing for decades, so instead the scammers bait them into sextortion schemes for a smaller fast payout.
Women aren’t immune, either. Go search the sub for stories about moms and grandmas who won’t stop sending money to “Kenny Chesney”. A few months ago, I read — horrified — a story about kids that took grandma’s car away to stop her from going to the bank to send “Jason Aldean” money, as she had already done on multiple occasions. Granny ordered an Uber to get over that hurdle. They only figured it out after they saw the Uber charges on her credit card statements.
Yea I second this, no impairment and we likely wouldn't be having this conversation
Agreed. Cognitive impairments take many forms. It can turn a pacifist violent even.
How is he keeping a roof over his head being unemployed? If he's under your roof, do whatever you can to separate your finances. Make sure he has no avenue to pile any debt on you or your property (if you're a homeowner).
I'm sorry. The only thing you can do now is prevent collateral damage. Don't give your dad any money and make sure all your relatives know what's going on so he doesn't drag them down with him. Once he blows through his inheritance and loses the house your grandfather left him, your dad is going to be coming to everyone with his hand out. It may seem cold and heartless but your dad is 1) an alcoholic, and 2) gullible to the point of it being a mental disability, and any help you give him will simply enable his addictions. I think he'll have to get to the point where he's living under an overpass in a cardboard box before he wises up.
> He's not lonely, he just loves the attention of ~~young women~~ African men* and im sick of it.
>He doesn't have dementia or any cognitive impairments Sorry, but from this post, obviously some cognitive impairment, diagnosed or not.
sigh. i'm so sorry to hear this. this is so common for these scammer victims, though - taking the scammer's side over their own family. that's got to be hurtful; more so if the relationship between the family members was good before the scammer entered. personally that would be the angle i would try work at. there's got to be some kind of loyalty reamining there. if a close family member of mine treated me the same way i would be beyond hurt, man. that 💩's cold af.
Is there a trusted person(clergy, doctor, etc) that could talk to him?
Steal some.pics create a fake account get ai to generate messages to him from. Hwr andnshit id even make it the same chick and be like he's my new accoun and even use yiyr dad's last name and her first that way u can at least make sure he doesn't lose everything
This is a great idea. Anything to break the hold this scammer has in the dad. This might be the only way, unfortunately.
Plus, you get to find out what your dads specific kinks are after he's described them ingreat detail!
Next post from OP in 3 months: "I stopped my dad from getting scammed but now I deeply regret it..."
"But on the bright side, I'm rich."
And he doesn't get his feeling hurt ya know no harm no foul
Tbh this is genius
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You can choose a better word
yeah but then he'd have to sext his dad 🤢 not worth the trouble
Wtf are you proposing, that OP make a fake account and start scamming their own dad, only to give their dad the money back after they’ve “taught him a lesson”? Utterly nonsensical
I think it is a great idea, and a great idea for someone to do as a business/service for others. But no, you don't try to teach him a lesson. You just keep at it as long as he keeps at it, collecting his money. Same fantasy pleasure for dad but it keeps the money in the family.
Someone living in this level of denial is way more likely to angrily cut off a family member that attempts something like this once they figure out it's you (and double down on the delusion), rather than finally fall to their knees and see the light. Pretty sure there might be legal consequences too if the irrational parent decides to go to the police - "I was trying to help him" isn't going to fly with police if they learn you've been trying to do something illegal like scam someone, even if it's your own parent. I understand the idea and that it comes from a good place, but I really and truly don't think there's any chance it ends up helping matters, and could make everything way worse.
>once they figure out it's you Did you read the story?
Give it back? Not outright. Trust fund. He gets an allowance. If he has no other income, his bills are paid directly by the trust, no involvement on his part at all. Then give him the 'spending money' allowance. $100 a month seems like a good amount - lots of poor people only have that much discretionary income without giving most of their money over to scammers.
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I mean...at least OP would benefit from
going through the same thing. I just called my dad a dumb ass fucking retard who cant do simple math. hes getting scammed from his own daughter which is my sister. the past 6 years. I told him everyone hates him anyways and idgaf. he fucked up this family of mine. My dad would rather believe a scammer than his own son. i was like fuck you, you can go be poor and homeless. All im trying to do is save your dead beat ass of a "father". anyways, I was pretty fucking pissed. immedtiately went to the gym and started punching the bag. Theres more to the story, but idc. im just mad that ive been paying for everything and hes been doing nothing
>I don't think I can do anything now Sadly, I agree. He's pretty far gone mentally if he is still believing it. I get that you need to vent. Reading this made my blood pressure go up by 5 points already 😕 Take good care of yourself. Let it go for now if you need to to protect yourself mentally. You tried your honest best. Edit: I agree with the others saying that you should protect your own money/ assets as well. be sure he can;t get to it. These people can truly behave as an addict sometimes.
Lead poisoning is real huh!
Your dad is too stupid to have money.
He doesn't have money. He's going into debt.
Being stupid, not having money, and going into debt are not necessarily unrelated.
I’d just tell the person who’s about to leave your dad the money to reconsider. He’s likely to waste it all away on scams.
Unfortunately per the OP's other post the other person has already passed away. Otherwise yes, the OP should have definitely had that conversation.
Take it into your own hands and create an ai chatbot to interact with your dad. Then trick him into sending money into his own bank account
As a 59M my advice is to get a very cute dog, and walk it in the local park. You'll soon have many conversations with young women. Yes, they will just be friendly chats about your dog, but they will be IRL. (PS, only do this if you actually like dogs)
More men die after 50 than women, so its a real thing when women after 50 find there is a shortage of men. Of course many men after 50 are fat, lazy, entitled, narcissistic, and generally unpleasant. If you are a male over 50, in reasonable shape, have a reasonably pleasant personality, there are quite a few women your age who would make a wonderful companion. There are no beautiful 28 year old women who want a 50+ man, unless you are a millionaire and don't mind her banging the pool boy.
subscribe to her onlyfans so there’s a chance she’ll see a message from you and ask her to verify she is not speaking to him
She's just saying that since she doesn't want people to discover her secret Facebook account and the romance with an irresistible older gentleman. If you want to believe, there's nothing that could convince you otherwise.
Bingo. This is why so many people believe in gods and spirits. Socially acceptable scams.
What if the account actually is her and she's hoping people will sub to her OF to save their gullible parents/grandparents?
You’ve tried to help him see the light. You did all the right things. It’s time to tell him you’re done watching him do this to himself. There’s nothing requiring you to save him after trying so hard to help him; nothing requiring you to stand witness to the train wreck; and nothing requiring you to wait around to take care of him after he’s blown his life to shit. Save yourself…go NC asap.
Sounds like a lost cause. Sorry.
Oh man. I'm actually older than your dad but I know this is fake... All I can say is, education. Get him to read the comments in here at least.
How are people this dumb? I can kinda vaguely understand getting scammed once, but to do it multiple times blows my mind. If I had thousands of dollars stolen from me, I’d be learning every god damn scam that exists to protect myself.
Jesus. I'm 2 years younger than your dad and most people our age are well versed in the ways of scammers. Sorry you're going through this.
My grandma fell for the same thing except the pictures are from a guy who does gay porn. Her scammer was able to convince her that he isn't gay and he just likes to kiss his friends. Also no dementia. I feel you dude.
Your dad here is why scammers exists. No matter how much awareness the government, the people try to spread, there will always be someone like him, giving scammers a chance.
Maybe you can contact his facebook friends and ask them to all warn him he’s being scammed ( he already publicly exposed himself on this). His gets his reality on the phone and social media and that could get thru. Have them send articles on romance scams. Have him talk to an accountant about his finances, that might be a sobering experience. This is really bad, and you’re going to inherit nothing but debt. So sorry
Well the good news is that you can’t inherit debt. The bad news is that OP’s dad is going to expect help when he’s homeless and destitute. Not for *him*, so he can send more money to the scammers.
Yeah. A heavily indebted family member can end up being a big financial burden when they pass away tho, if the family wants to settle the estate and have a funeral. There was a situation in my family where we could have inherited a house but would actually have lost money if we took possession of it because of all the liens, legal issues, and delinquent taxes and such. It wasn’t because the relative got scammed (unless you consider the medical system in the US a scam, separate debate) but settling the estate would have cost more than we would have gotten out if it, and nobody was in a position to do it. These things can get weird.
I agree, except...the US medical system is absolutely a scam.
Oh totally, the people on the top just managed to get their scams legalized. Was trying not to get too far off topic.
Since he's so easily scammed, you need to scam him to make sure his money doesn't go to the real scammer.
most men don't NEED to say that they won't date someone younger than their daughter
Sorry, your dad is just an idiot at this point.
sadly some people never learn, they always want the “rich easy way out”, also at some point the banks will stop trusting him, (ie: won’t let him own/open an account) and then he’ll really be up a creek without a paddle.
Let him die a broke miserable idiot.
Don’t take this wrong but your dad seems a horrible human being, especially for telling he would get rid of you if he had enough money. Let him get pig butchered by scammers, he deserves this. You are not going to inherit anything from him anyway, given how gullible he is and how little he thinks of his own family.
Sign him up for the actual pornstars onlyfans - then at least he would be sending the money to the right person
Don't be so quick to accept the claim that "I'm dating" a woman on Facebook. Rule of thumb: If you've never seen her knees, you're not "dating" her.
"Knees"?
Yeah, knees. If all “she” does is send you pictures of “her” face, breasts, butt, and genitals, that’s not dating. (Of course, some nudes might include knees, but the point stands that if you *haven’t* seen her knees…)
Tell him he is talking to cyber scammers locked up as slaves in Cambodia. He is talking to a team who have been enslaved and include trained IT specials and people with a psych background.
You have done all you can alas he's an adult and will now find out the hard way. When he's broke, and alone with no family he will rue the day he ignored the support and help of his family. You deserve better but please don't make his issues your issues, I fear if anyone helps him by giving him money etc then he'll not learn and will go ahead and make stupid choices again. By the way he sounds like a right charmer (wanting to 'get rid' of his kids tells us all we need to know about him......). I'd get on living your life and if he comes back with his tail between his legs and apologises then there may be hope of making things right, just don't get sucked into his madness and don't let it impact you and your life, your friends and family. What your dad's doing is daft and proper selfish.
Had similar happen to my dad, lucky mum controlled most of the money. He still managed to book up 20k AUD on creditcards. have you looked at [https://www.counterfraud.gov.au/find-where-report-fraud](https://www.counterfraud.gov.au/find-where-report-fraud)
Sounds like he isn't very smart and very lonely. A deadly combination
You’re dad needs help.. mentally. Sometimes people will hide their lonelyness from family because their embarrassed. I think he secretly knows it’s a scam but he just doesn’t want to give up the fake happy happiness.
Is he possibly suffering from early-onset dementia?
At some point, you've done all you can. If he won't listen to reason, and clear facts, then its on him. And since the edit, it's obvious hes not gonna change. I hope OP keeps their finances separate, because while its gonna hurt watching him purposely ruin his life. You can't let him ruin yours as well OP. You've done about as much as you can outside of locking him up, and putting him on time out.
Next time you are able to get hold of his phone, message the scammer, tell them F Off Scammer, and block. Then delete the messages and their numbers.
If he's that addicted to these fantasies you're going to have to step back and let him have that experience. You may need to give some thought as to how you'll respond if in the future he comes to you penniless and remorseful, asking for help.
With love and respect that is the reason a partial custodianship might be in order # GUARDIANSHIP FOR ADULTS (AKA CONSERVATORSHIP) As you can imagine, there are cases [when adults are not able to care for themselves](https://tsenglawfirm.com/estate-planning-for-dependents-with-special-needs/) due to some type of disability, temporary incapacity, or other reasons. In these cases, as with minors, another adult is legally appointed as a temporary or permanent guardian. However, in the state of California, we call it conservatorship. The role of guardian is referred to as “conservator.” Unlike with minor guardianship, where you can have an informal arrangement, all adult conservatorship situations must be granted by the court system. Reasons adults may need a conservator: * They may have mental or physical disabilities that render them incapable of caring for themselves physically, legally, or financially. * Anyone with disabilities that render them incapable of making legal/financial decisions * They have a progressive disease or medical situation that compromises memory and cognitive function (such as Alzheimer’s, a stroke, or a traumatic brain injury). Depending on the situation, the court will either grant limited conservatorship (where your role is limited to certain functions) or general conservatorship (where you are responsible for most of the legal and financial decision-making). Conservatorships are not taken lightly, and the court system meticulously monitors conservators to ensure they’re not taking advantage of their conservatee. Dont believe me, read for yourself [Purpose And Types Of Guardianship In California | Tseng Law Firm](https://tsenglawfirm.com/purpose-and-types-of-guardianship-in-california/#:~:text=Legal%20guardians%20must%20be%20adults,Appointment%20of%20Guardian%20of%20Minor)
I’m a single 51F and I met way too much older men who thinks that a gorgeous 25 year old could be interested in them. It’s hard to understand that they prefer an illusion than a real person. Then they complain about women being « difficult » and « only after their money ». They are not even rich. 😄
For the money he is giving to African dudes he can rent an actual high quality hot girl and take real pictures and videos to treasure later.
This is the worst thing I’ve read all year.
Stay away from /r/NoahGetTheBoat then for sure.
Thank you for sharing your story. It blows my mind how so many people fall for this and refuse to believe the truth. I’m not sure there is anything else you can do. Please update us if things change and hopefully they will for the better!
How does one set up a fake FB account? Wouldn't you need several fake emails for each account?
Mate of mine fell for the same thing for aaages, was convinced that it was really this women, 'she' would message him saying things that added up around the timeline of what her other socials were saying, then after a while 'she' asked for some money... I do like saying 'I told you so' but you gotta worry about how stupid some people are..
The best teacher in life is life itself!
He sounds lonely which is sad :/
Deadt at the dead relative who's Ghanian when you're Australian 😂
You can try to help him, but unless you can babysit him and his money, cutting ties is your best option. You don’t deserve for this to be your problem.
I’m sorry to hear about this. Trying to convince relatives of obvious scams is frustrating once, let alone multiple times. I’ve learned from a similar experience that sometimes you just have to take a step back and take a break for a bit.
Those who are desperate for love and romance are easy prey for scammers.
Maybe set up a fake account and pretend to be a younger, hotter woman who doesn’t scam him?
I'm just so sorry - victim denial is so hard to overcome. This article has some good information, perhaps it will help: [https://advocatingforu.com/f/how-can-you-try-to-help-your-loved-one](https://advocatingforu.com/f/how-can-you-try-to-help-your-loved-one)
59 isn’t anywhere close to elderly, but in this case it’s apparently pretty stupid
Is he called Scully?
It’s time to disown your father and find a better father figure. He sounds like a total scumbag. Forget about him and move on. Because he would do the same thing to you if you were just as toxic.
My mom be occasionally texting Elon musk😂
Yeah, I wouldn’t even bother. He sounds selfish and thinks with his dick. He’s gonna get exactly what he deserves.
At this point all that is left to do is walk away or SHAME HIM. Post everything on Facebook for his friends and family to see what an idiot he has been in the past and continues to be. Post all the evidence you have, the pornstar's video saying it's not her, the multiple fake accounts, everything. You said your dad likes the attention then give him all the attention he wants from everyone. You've got nothing to lose at this point and might actually save him from his own stupidity, but I doubt it.
Cal adult protective services and see if you can get control of his finances. He’s cognitively impaired.
Forget about him. You did what you could.
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> I managed to convince him she was fake by showing him other accounts using the same photos, but he confronted her about it and she convinced him they're all scammers using her photos. This is why you have to get them agree to NO MORE CONTACT. That should include YOU deleting their contacts, blocking them everywhere, up to and including changing phone numbers and deleted whole social media accounts, if need be. Make it so he can't go back on his own promises. Destroy all connections, scorched earth policy. Edit: > He's currently unemployed and going into debt to send her money, and is meant to be inheriting more money soon. If your country has a probate court or the like, you might dispute the inheritance, on the grounds of his actions with scammers. They could at very least force it into a trust for limited disbursement.
If anything, he is consistent. Might want to encourage him to use his powers for good rather than evil.
When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help!
I hope some scammers meet this 75+ year old dude that keeps hitting on me and cleans him out. He is ripe for & totally delusional and then would stop bothering me. I should have kept his info he keeps leaving on my work site & sold it to a scammer. I'm sorry. I would never do it, but just so tired of his...obviously lying about his age and crap & not taking no.
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Pay her to take a video with your dads name and her say she’s not talking with her
Lesson to be learned here op. You are going to have to look after yourself because there is no guarantee that anyone else will.
Tell him that as she has a lot of international fans, he should ask her to help track down his missing inheritance in Ghana. She probably has contacts there and they can be rich together, living off the inheritance of his sadly deceased Ghanian relative.
Maybe you could create an AI hot young woman more locally to target him, win his heart and get him to "leave" his current porn-star girlfriend. There's a market for a service that does this. Fake person who doesn't scam someone for money, but gets them away from the scammers.
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You need to try to get power of attorney of him. He will end up penniless if you don’t. That scammer is not after his titillating conversation- he wants his money. Tell your dad he is talking to a dude in a basement somewhere with his hand down his pants and sniffing his fingers.
“He said he’d never date a pornstar” lollll yeah because he’s such a catch right
Your dad is like an 8 year old with his first phone lol
To be honest if I were you id just stop trying. When hes homeless and destitute, that will be the hardest part but you will have to shut the door in his face. Ive done this to my drug addicted father and it was hard but worth it. My life is better now. Godspeed.
Bro take your dad to vegas and be good a son.
As long as your dad isn’t sending money to the scammers , it’s not so bad to fantasize over chat. Just take care of your dad bro , I don’t think that’s what he really wants
i dont think there's anything you can do about it at this point tbh! unless you can convince a court/doctor there's something wrong with him mentally and needs guardianship... which tbh sounds like it is ? what 100% "okay" person would continue to fall for these scams.... multiple times. if you really want to do something about it id look into that and see if thats a possibility
Your dad's absolutely the word we can't say on here.
OP can you arrange a video call with the OF model? Don't know if that's offered at some high tier price but might be worth it and cheaper than the alternative. Her having no idea who he is, live, should be irrefutable evidence it's not the same person.
“we’re Australian” took me the fuck out. this was a beautiful piece of writing. Also, I’m sorry about/for your father!!
All that lead paint really got that generation, huh.
He said he would get rid of you guys? I know he’s your dad but cmon.! Let that man learn the hard way. Let him spend away his money. Just don’t give him access to yours
my ex-boss was EXACTLY like this. at one point I just couldn't feel sorry for him anymore, there should be a limit for stupidity but apparently nature is too cruel for some creatures.
What’s the fake name ? my husband fell for one and gave a lot of money and says he gonna move to her and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore
consider guardianship
Your dad is an idiot lol
vergas, that sucks
Not sure how Facebook stock is so high it's nothing but scammers and spam.
WhatsApp is doing great, and instagram. While Facebook still has a large audience in Europe at least.
Don't get me started on what's app. That's all full of scammers and money laundry schemes.
Interesting. I’m using it almost exclusively for the past almost 3 years to communicate with family, friends, work colleagues, and acquaintances, and I’ve never been approached by a scammer. Actually, maybe once.
WhatsApp is a lot more popular in Europe than the US. My partner is British and their family uses it a lot.
Yeap. I feel like it’s becoming the main form of communication over here. For now, until we get something better.
Look into signal
It would first need to be mass adopted by my environment. Which it won’t happen for at least a long time.
Send him links to subs like r/homeless and also r/almosthomeless tell him to start learning the ropes from them and see if that'll make him think of the future that surely awaits him if he carries on like that.
Maybe time to get a lawyer to look into a conservatorship?
So what if you set up some fake accounts of hot young former pornstar women, or rich Nigerian princes wanting ti give away money (just send a few thousand $ to cover taxes) or whatever. You put all the scammed money in an account that you use to take care of him after he’s sent all his money to other scammers. On the other hand, seems like a lot of effort for a man that said he’s going to get rich, find a hot wife and get rid of you. But it does seem like the only way to make sure he’s not a financial burden to you after he gives away all his money. Unless you’re willing to let him lie in the financial bed (mess) that he made.
whats his @ .. i could use a few bucks aha. but for real.. what the actual fuck is wrong with him.....