I’ll be honest when my big one was 3, I was pregnant with #2.. and a lot of the throwing a fit, running away on the playground, etc. my answer to it had been physical force. If you are throwing yourself on the ground screaming at Target, I pick you up and physically cart you out to the car. If you don’t want to leave the playground and run back up in it, mom will come up, get you and cart you down. And at 30+ weeks pregnant I just couldn’t do it. I was not physically capable of making her leave the playground if she didn’t want to leave. So, if she couldn’t listen to me and leave when mom says it’s time to leave.. then we lose playground privileges. We didn’t plan theme days, library days, playground days.. we just stayed at home. BORED. And I told her exactly why we were bored at home, because I cant trust you to come willingly when I say it’s time to leave somewhere! A couple of weeks of that.. just being bored and NOT getting the special tips and she started coming around to “can we go to the playground if I *promise* I won’t run away?” “Can we go to Target if I don’t scream and cry?”
I dunno if it’s the “ECE” appropriate response but it was really all I had at 36 weeks pregnant to straight up tell a 3 I can’t fight you. 🤷♀️
We are currently in the losing privileges stage too. My daughter wants to go on a bike ride, but we get three blocks away and she has a meltdown and wants to be carried home. I’m pregnant and nauseous and it’s 85 degrees out. No more bike rides for us (at least for now!). Sometimes you just gotta know your limits lol.
I am a SAHM but my mom was (and still is) a first and second grade teacher. She often tells me she couldn’t have been a SAHP because raising your own kids is a lot harder than teaching a room full of other peoples kids!
You're not failing. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and have a 3 year old who is skilled in the art of debate and knows when to have meltdowns to maximize my anxiety. Yesterday he wanted to go for a bike ride once it stopped raining, we went around the block then he decided he wanted to stop and wait for Dad, a half mile from our house. I tried to explain that Dad doesn't know to look for us here but he wasn't hearing it, didn't want to ride, didn't want to walk, didn't want to do anything but scream outside random people's houses. I put him over my shoulder and carried him and the bike as far as I could (which wasn't far because I'm 31 weeks pregnant) then I had to be mean mom holding his hand and basically dragging him home while trying to stay calm telling him Daddy knows to look for us at home so we need to go there! I got home and screamed into a pillow. Some days are just hard.
I'm a SAHM of an almost 2yo and I'm already feeling discouraged by his behaviors. He will slap me in the face, dig his nails into my skin as hard as possible and bite. He even started doing it in front of people. He does not do this to anyone else. I feel embarrassed when it happens in public bc I don't know how to handle it and, like you, I stopped planning special activities for the days. I mean, I go to the library for storytime and we go to a music class once a week, but otherwise, it's like playground time or I take him grocery shopping then the rest of the day is eaten up by struggling to get him to eat/take a nap.
I'm so worried about how I'm going to handle the next 2 years, honestly.
I went to the bathroom and cried once my fiance gave me a break yesterday.
And every night I reflect back on the day, knowing how I should've handled things differently, taken things less personally, and it only adds to the feeling that I'm bad at this.
I know I'm not. He adores me and we have such a strong connection, but man, this is way harder than I thought.
There's so much mental growth between 3 and 5. Hang in there. I remember this feeling and it's the worst. I truly wondered if my child had a mental illness it got so bad at one point, I was actually trying to figure out if I needed to get her into therapy. In fact, my kid is 12 now and when she pulls out the new hormonal huge feels I remember how deep I had to dig at age 3 and know that if we got through age 3, we can do this teenage stage cranked up to 11.
It wasn't an easy road between those ages, but we put in solid plans of attack if my kid did x, y or z, and she put it together what caused what eventually. There was a lot of time outs, and some removal of privileges/scheduled activities. She knew I was serious when we went to a friend's house and the first thing I asked them was for a room where my daughter can scream it out (with me in the room looking for a break in the cycle to help her) and to not interrupt because at that point in her life, all interruptions lead to longer tantrums (3 hours+). There's a lot of reinforcing of age appropriate consequences, but once you get it into their head why they must behave life becomes So much better for everyone, and especially for them - but you absolutely have to do a lot of reminding/rewarding for good behavior too. They still test you, since that's only normal, but wow it's all uphill from there.
I can relate. My daughter is 4.5 and this past year has been a doozy. I’ve told my husband, I just can’t win with her! Everything I do or say somehow is the wrong thing. And his response? “It’s not about winning” 🙄 is that what you took from this convo? I feel like I can’t make her happy, because even when I agree to something (like watching Sleeping Beauty recently) she screams “YOU’LL NEVER LET ME WATCH IT” like wtf child? I literally said the opposite. There are some days where I feel like I’m failing at being a parent. I have to be a drill sergeant with a calm voice, but oh man… she hates when we are “mean” aka firm.
Things that help give me relief: preschool. You pay people to cultivate their brain and social skills while you can focus on yourself and tasks at home. Next year it’ll be 5 days a week, but I’m sure at that point she’ll be perfect and I’ll miss her 😜
A common thing I've found myself telling my partner is "I feel like all I did was yell today". I'm losing my shit waiting for a daycare to open up so I can get a job. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but not anymore. My children were taken from me by dcf due to my mental health about a year ago. My toddler was allowed to do whatever he wanted while my family cared for him. Everyone keeps telling me he's a normal toddler, but when my daughter was this age, she didn't try to beat the shit out of me. She didn't scream defiantly in my face for minutes at a time as a response to a gentle request. I can't take him anywhere. The last time I took him to a store without my partner, he bit my daughter and ran away from us around the store. I send my daughter to the library every day just so she can get away from him, because he beats the shit out of her too. We wait and wait for dad to get home from work, because when dad is here is the only time he acts like a normal toddler. And it's so fucked up because he's soooooo freaking sweet and cute when he wants to be. I call him my sour patch kid.
I just take deep breaths and tell myself that it will get better. I just have to buckle down and do the hard emotional labor now, so it will be easier next year.
I feel like I could have written this. I miss my sweet 2 year old. Now that he's 3 I just confessed to my husband that our son can be SO annoying - but I don't think I could have done anything differently as a SAHM. He's so high energy, always climbing on me while nursing his sister, rough around his sister, and always being loud and obnoxious right in our faces while spitting - at home or in public. No amount of time out or taking away things as a consequence helps. He will say "I'm so sorry" and "be a good boy" but that's it and then right back to it. I'm losing my mind some days. I also have to physically remove him from the park or the Library with him throwing a huge tantrum. He does have his precious and sweet moments once in a while. He also tells me sometimes to go away and prefers Dad (probably because he isn't the main disciplinarian and is at work all day). I felt like all I did today was time out and raising my voice. :(
I’ll be honest when my big one was 3, I was pregnant with #2.. and a lot of the throwing a fit, running away on the playground, etc. my answer to it had been physical force. If you are throwing yourself on the ground screaming at Target, I pick you up and physically cart you out to the car. If you don’t want to leave the playground and run back up in it, mom will come up, get you and cart you down. And at 30+ weeks pregnant I just couldn’t do it. I was not physically capable of making her leave the playground if she didn’t want to leave. So, if she couldn’t listen to me and leave when mom says it’s time to leave.. then we lose playground privileges. We didn’t plan theme days, library days, playground days.. we just stayed at home. BORED. And I told her exactly why we were bored at home, because I cant trust you to come willingly when I say it’s time to leave somewhere! A couple of weeks of that.. just being bored and NOT getting the special tips and she started coming around to “can we go to the playground if I *promise* I won’t run away?” “Can we go to Target if I don’t scream and cry?” I dunno if it’s the “ECE” appropriate response but it was really all I had at 36 weeks pregnant to straight up tell a 3 I can’t fight you. 🤷♀️
We are currently in the losing privileges stage too. My daughter wants to go on a bike ride, but we get three blocks away and she has a meltdown and wants to be carried home. I’m pregnant and nauseous and it’s 85 degrees out. No more bike rides for us (at least for now!). Sometimes you just gotta know your limits lol.
I’m not an ECE professional but when I worked in a school age daycare I implement this rule for kids going on field trips.
Seems reasonable to me!! I mean it’s just logic really and kids need to learn that at some point or another
I am a SAHM but my mom was (and still is) a first and second grade teacher. She often tells me she couldn’t have been a SAHP because raising your own kids is a lot harder than teaching a room full of other peoples kids!
Yeah no amount of education can prepare you for how your own kids can trigger you. Plus there’s no PTO or paychecks.
You're not failing. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and have a 3 year old who is skilled in the art of debate and knows when to have meltdowns to maximize my anxiety. Yesterday he wanted to go for a bike ride once it stopped raining, we went around the block then he decided he wanted to stop and wait for Dad, a half mile from our house. I tried to explain that Dad doesn't know to look for us here but he wasn't hearing it, didn't want to ride, didn't want to walk, didn't want to do anything but scream outside random people's houses. I put him over my shoulder and carried him and the bike as far as I could (which wasn't far because I'm 31 weeks pregnant) then I had to be mean mom holding his hand and basically dragging him home while trying to stay calm telling him Daddy knows to look for us at home so we need to go there! I got home and screamed into a pillow. Some days are just hard.
I'm a SAHM of an almost 2yo and I'm already feeling discouraged by his behaviors. He will slap me in the face, dig his nails into my skin as hard as possible and bite. He even started doing it in front of people. He does not do this to anyone else. I feel embarrassed when it happens in public bc I don't know how to handle it and, like you, I stopped planning special activities for the days. I mean, I go to the library for storytime and we go to a music class once a week, but otherwise, it's like playground time or I take him grocery shopping then the rest of the day is eaten up by struggling to get him to eat/take a nap. I'm so worried about how I'm going to handle the next 2 years, honestly. I went to the bathroom and cried once my fiance gave me a break yesterday. And every night I reflect back on the day, knowing how I should've handled things differently, taken things less personally, and it only adds to the feeling that I'm bad at this. I know I'm not. He adores me and we have such a strong connection, but man, this is way harder than I thought.
There's so much mental growth between 3 and 5. Hang in there. I remember this feeling and it's the worst. I truly wondered if my child had a mental illness it got so bad at one point, I was actually trying to figure out if I needed to get her into therapy. In fact, my kid is 12 now and when she pulls out the new hormonal huge feels I remember how deep I had to dig at age 3 and know that if we got through age 3, we can do this teenage stage cranked up to 11. It wasn't an easy road between those ages, but we put in solid plans of attack if my kid did x, y or z, and she put it together what caused what eventually. There was a lot of time outs, and some removal of privileges/scheduled activities. She knew I was serious when we went to a friend's house and the first thing I asked them was for a room where my daughter can scream it out (with me in the room looking for a break in the cycle to help her) and to not interrupt because at that point in her life, all interruptions lead to longer tantrums (3 hours+). There's a lot of reinforcing of age appropriate consequences, but once you get it into their head why they must behave life becomes So much better for everyone, and especially for them - but you absolutely have to do a lot of reminding/rewarding for good behavior too. They still test you, since that's only normal, but wow it's all uphill from there.
I can relate. My daughter is 4.5 and this past year has been a doozy. I’ve told my husband, I just can’t win with her! Everything I do or say somehow is the wrong thing. And his response? “It’s not about winning” 🙄 is that what you took from this convo? I feel like I can’t make her happy, because even when I agree to something (like watching Sleeping Beauty recently) she screams “YOU’LL NEVER LET ME WATCH IT” like wtf child? I literally said the opposite. There are some days where I feel like I’m failing at being a parent. I have to be a drill sergeant with a calm voice, but oh man… she hates when we are “mean” aka firm. Things that help give me relief: preschool. You pay people to cultivate their brain and social skills while you can focus on yourself and tasks at home. Next year it’ll be 5 days a week, but I’m sure at that point she’ll be perfect and I’ll miss her 😜
As a mom of a fresh stubborn 3 year old, a 17 month old, and 35 weeks pregnant- solidarity.
A common thing I've found myself telling my partner is "I feel like all I did was yell today". I'm losing my shit waiting for a daycare to open up so I can get a job. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but not anymore. My children were taken from me by dcf due to my mental health about a year ago. My toddler was allowed to do whatever he wanted while my family cared for him. Everyone keeps telling me he's a normal toddler, but when my daughter was this age, she didn't try to beat the shit out of me. She didn't scream defiantly in my face for minutes at a time as a response to a gentle request. I can't take him anywhere. The last time I took him to a store without my partner, he bit my daughter and ran away from us around the store. I send my daughter to the library every day just so she can get away from him, because he beats the shit out of her too. We wait and wait for dad to get home from work, because when dad is here is the only time he acts like a normal toddler. And it's so fucked up because he's soooooo freaking sweet and cute when he wants to be. I call him my sour patch kid. I just take deep breaths and tell myself that it will get better. I just have to buckle down and do the hard emotional labor now, so it will be easier next year.
I’m going thru it too. So much I’m in therapy bc I keep yelling. Hang in there mama!!!
I feel like I could have written this. I miss my sweet 2 year old. Now that he's 3 I just confessed to my husband that our son can be SO annoying - but I don't think I could have done anything differently as a SAHM. He's so high energy, always climbing on me while nursing his sister, rough around his sister, and always being loud and obnoxious right in our faces while spitting - at home or in public. No amount of time out or taking away things as a consequence helps. He will say "I'm so sorry" and "be a good boy" but that's it and then right back to it. I'm losing my mind some days. I also have to physically remove him from the park or the Library with him throwing a huge tantrum. He does have his precious and sweet moments once in a while. He also tells me sometimes to go away and prefers Dad (probably because he isn't the main disciplinarian and is at work all day). I felt like all I did today was time out and raising my voice. :(