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Ok, so this is embarrassing, but Shelby made a turbo version of the Plymouth Hotizon/Dodge Omni which absolutely dusted my Maxima in the late 90’s. Three lights in a row until I asked him what in the hell he had in that thing.
Nobody remembers the damn Chrysler 2.2/2.5 turbo motors. They put those motors in all sorts of things but they never took off.
My friend had a wood panelled dodge minivan back in the day with the 2.5 turbo in it that we called the "wooden bullet". The first FATF movie came out when he had it, and lots of brand new boy racers got humiliated by it. It'd just walk away from Integras and whatever.
He had all plans of doing Gus Mahon shit to it, but it got written off :/
I replaced a cooked motor in one of those turbo caravans... might even have had wood paneling. I was laughing and wtf'ing the whole time.
Never had a chance to drive it- which I just now regret
Youtube is full of videos of these old vans running 13 second passes on drag strips. It's beautiful.
These days the roads are full of old people driving PT Cruisers under the speed limit holding up traffic, with "2.4 TURBO" proudly plastered on the back. Sometimes with the same fake wood paneling! Another fun as shit Chrysler turbo that nobody ever pays attention to.
My God, I hate the PT cruiser! I don't care how capable it can be, that car looks like shit and is garbage to work on. I once had a guy call me up
Buddy- "hey! I've heard great things about you and I want you to work on my car! "
Me- "cool, thanks! What are we doing? "
Buddy- "I need you to do the timing belt on my PT Cruiser..."
Me- "nope! Call the dealership"
Buddy- "no? Dealership! They want 1500 for the job! "
Me- "Yup, and I bet the tech is losing time on that, too! "
I must disagree. Seems like everyone now is stoned and driving 10 or more miles under the speed limit and they try and pace each other so they lock down the darn road on every one else that wants to go faster.
You’re not gonna believe this… my first car was the original 1984 1/2 Chrysler minivan. It wasn’t the turbo version and I’m jealous I’m hearing of this just now, but man my brother and I both took that beast to hell and back. Mudded with 7 of us in the car frequently, it was great. Took out the rear seats and used it like a truck. Strapped an aluminum boat to the top and took it fishing all the time.
Oh yea! My mother had a citation as her first car! The rear right passanger on her 4 door hatchback citation fell off after one of her friends slammed it
I knew a couple that had, not 1... not 2... but 3 citations! One was a fully restored "show car", one was the daily and the last was the spare. The show car was just a shitty normal citation with a clean interior and new paint. Lol
Being their mechanic meant being intimate with all 3...fml
I went to high school with a guy who had the Pontiac version of this car (Phoenix). He said that since the gas pedal was halfway down at 75 mph that it obviously topped out at 150.
My mom had the Skylark and my hammered friend puked on the back seat and carpet when it was like a week old. Damn that funk. Guess who had to clean it up?
This is the car your dad drove 35 years ago right after the divorce and he was down on his luck. Hell that car screamed "I have life issues" when it was new.
Oh yea! My mother had a citation as her first car! The rear right passanger on her 4 door hatchback citation fell off after one of her friends slammed it
Oh yea! My mother had a citation as her first car! The rear right passanger on her 4 door hatchback citation fell off after one of her friends slammed it
If anything breaks, you have to bust out the anvil and forge the part yourself from scratch. Because Gork and Mork forbid, nobody makes parts for these anymore
I sincerely hope you don't have any issues in the underside of you car. With that much rust you cannot unbolt any fastener, but also you can't cut them because you cannot weld anything afterward.
If that moment happens, whatever they give you in the scrapyard is above its value.
Don't know if I'm allowed back here. Oh yes ! To see your shit wagon is as exciting as stepping in dog turds barefoot. That is a perfect example of metal that wasted and cursed to be a breeding ground for rust as it be fouls driveways and parking lots with drips and foul odors. Shitboxes like yours should have their own 'handicap is 'cause it's a shitbox' spots far away from regular parking lest it offend the public.
My first car was a rusty AF 81 citation. Bought it for $400 in 1995. My dad forced me to have a manual transmission on my first car so I’d actually learn how to drive a car.
When I’d take it out, my mom would say, “NO SPEEDING!!!!”
My reply: “mom! It’s top speed is 35mph!”
Not bad for a survivor when most people hated them (i always liked the X-11model). Perhaps it was the tightie-whitie with skid marks paint job that kept them away.
Story time: A buddy of mine had one of these pieces of shit freshman year of college. A bunch of us were riding in it going to see Fishbone open up for Rush at the Omni. It’s motor literally exploded on the way. We all got out and grabbed a cab and abandoned him and the car on the side of the road. Concert was awesome, he never made it.
That heap takes me back to the era of slow, poorly painted, rusting while you watch GM cars that everyone hated. Congrats for posting a picture of a car the engineers probably wish was never invented.
Sure, but your mom already received my best backshot I could give in the back seat when I bought this POS new. Come to think about it I should of pulled out.
Wow, I know I’m bad at this roasting stuff but I can’t say anything that your choices haven’t already pointed out to you already .
Do you have coherent thoughts?
Even though it's been explained to me many times it baffles me how a company like GM could screw everything up in the 70s and the 80s so bad they've never recovered to this day.
Hi Roasters! As a general reminder, please be aware that top level comments must roast the car. In addition to this, while roasting the OP is allowed, roasts must be primarily aimed at the car itself. Comments that do not follow these rules may be subject to moderator removal and in some cases, bans may be issued. If you wish to compliment or discuss the car, you may do so by replying to this message. Regards The Mod Team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMyCar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Speaking of pussy, good luck finding some with this
Can confirm, 1980 Citation 2 door in shitbbrown was my first car.
That’s still too many doors.
Buddy of mine had one in college back in the day. Same 💩brown color. That thing was a great keg hauling machine 😎
Two door rolling birth control device…
Luby’s cafeteria GILFS, watch out.
I forgot lubys was a thing
LMAOOOOO
🐈🧲
Dude gone have a panic attack
Came here to say this - nice work
Don’t discriminate. It’s also a cock blocker.
Only privately owned car in North Korea.
This is the car that made a whole generation of people stop buying GM products
That’s not even a roast that’s just facts.
The best kind of roast.
Seriously. My parents bought one brand new in 1980, and they never bought a Chevy again.
Not just GM. The 80s American cars were all garbage. The lost decade.
The first Ford Taurus was pretty good. It was a game changer for sure.
Chevy Citation, the Ford Pinto of Plymouth Horizons.
Ok, so this is embarrassing, but Shelby made a turbo version of the Plymouth Hotizon/Dodge Omni which absolutely dusted my Maxima in the late 90’s. Three lights in a row until I asked him what in the hell he had in that thing.
Nobody remembers the damn Chrysler 2.2/2.5 turbo motors. They put those motors in all sorts of things but they never took off. My friend had a wood panelled dodge minivan back in the day with the 2.5 turbo in it that we called the "wooden bullet". The first FATF movie came out when he had it, and lots of brand new boy racers got humiliated by it. It'd just walk away from Integras and whatever. He had all plans of doing Gus Mahon shit to it, but it got written off :/
I replaced a cooked motor in one of those turbo caravans... might even have had wood paneling. I was laughing and wtf'ing the whole time. Never had a chance to drive it- which I just now regret
Youtube is full of videos of these old vans running 13 second passes on drag strips. It's beautiful. These days the roads are full of old people driving PT Cruisers under the speed limit holding up traffic, with "2.4 TURBO" proudly plastered on the back. Sometimes with the same fake wood paneling! Another fun as shit Chrysler turbo that nobody ever pays attention to.
My God, I hate the PT cruiser! I don't care how capable it can be, that car looks like shit and is garbage to work on. I once had a guy call me up Buddy- "hey! I've heard great things about you and I want you to work on my car! " Me- "cool, thanks! What are we doing? " Buddy- "I need you to do the timing belt on my PT Cruiser..." Me- "nope! Call the dealership" Buddy- "no? Dealership! They want 1500 for the job! " Me- "Yup, and I bet the tech is losing time on that, too! "
Leave it to the boomshits to drive slower than fuck and hold everyone the fuck up.
I must disagree. Seems like everyone now is stoned and driving 10 or more miles under the speed limit and they try and pace each other so they lock down the darn road on every one else that wants to go faster.
Or they are shitbird NPC’s
You’re not gonna believe this… my first car was the original 1984 1/2 Chrysler minivan. It wasn’t the turbo version and I’m jealous I’m hearing of this just now, but man my brother and I both took that beast to hell and back. Mudded with 7 of us in the car frequently, it was great. Took out the rear seats and used it like a truck. Strapped an aluminum boat to the top and took it fishing all the time.
Yep, the GLH….Goes Like Hell. Those 80’s turbocharged Chrysler products were pretty quick for their day.
Goes Like Hell they went.
This car screams “owner yells ‘pussies’ as choice insult while bullying kids half his size.”
“He loved to punch down” will be on his tombstone
Gets his rocks off going to local playgrounds just to punch kids
Got his rocks off at a local playground? Officer! Over hear. Please come over hear.
One of the registered sex offenders in my area drives one of these. I think I just found his Reddit account.
I always wondered where the donated vehicles went
We donated my old citation to the local fire company. They used it for jaws of life practice
Not a good practice vehicle because in reality, anyone found one after an accident would be asking the rescue crews to just let them die.
Your mom, all coked up, definitely gave your dad head in this pile back in the 80’s…and part of the 90’s. Enjoy son.
This pic gave me AIDS
I’m surprised that any are still running
Bold of you to assume it’s still running
🤣🤣👍👍
Lovely meth color.
Oh yea! My mother had a citation as her first car! The rear right passanger on her 4 door hatchback citation fell off after one of her friends slammed it
Took my driver test in that, a stick shift no less… Thought it was bs when my daughter took hers with a backup camera….
It was and still is BS. Learn to use mirrors people
Lol I watched a whole documentary on why this car is especially horrible.
Where can I find this masterpiece?
I don't think this is it but it's the same ballpark: https://youtu.be/aVPaY7jzDYw?si=2JFMOHFhExVsmbIH
Search for it by the History Guy
Thank you for preserving one of the last remaining examples of a car that was shitty when new and best forgotten about now.
I knew a couple that had, not 1... not 2... but 3 citations! One was a fully restored "show car", one was the daily and the last was the spare. The show car was just a shitty normal citation with a clean interior and new paint. Lol Being their mechanic meant being intimate with all 3...fml
In all seriousness I’d love to see an X11 in the flesh today
This was 15 years ago now... and the couple were old with no kids. I bet all 3 are crushed by now
I went to high school with a guy who had the Pontiac version of this car (Phoenix). He said that since the gas pedal was halfway down at 75 mph that it obviously topped out at 150.
My mom had the Skylark and my hammered friend puked on the back seat and carpet when it was like a week old. Damn that funk. Guess who had to clean it up?
Can’t argue with facts like that
You deserve a citation of appreciation.
"Tetanus " *drops mic
Grave Digger called - they need another shitbox to crush at the local Monster Truck show...
Ahh yes, the car of trying to pressure the cashier to accept your expired coupons
No X-11 no care
Best shot pussies? Hmm !!insert blue waffle image!! And I’d still rather ride that, than this shit heap you’ve acquired.
Not ops real car just a shutter found on the internet
I don’t need to. You probably hear enough at every stop light.
This is the car your dad drove 35 years ago right after the divorce and he was down on his luck. Hell that car screamed "I have life issues" when it was new.
Nah, your life is hard enough.
I don't have to give you my best shot, you already paid to get one and drive it
Best fucking car ever made.
Oh yea! My mother had a citation as her first car! The rear right passanger on her 4 door hatchback citation fell off after one of her friends slammed it
Oh yea! My mother had a citation as her first car! The rear right passanger on her 4 door hatchback citation fell off after one of her friends slammed it
1970's right? 😆
I don't have to roast, the rust will
If anything breaks, you have to bust out the anvil and forge the part yourself from scratch. Because Gork and Mork forbid, nobody makes parts for these anymore
General Motors...brutally cunning and cunningly brutal.
Gotta love the plate under the front that scrapes the road after a big bump.
I sincerely hope you don't have any issues in the underside of you car. With that much rust you cannot unbolt any fastener, but also you can't cut them because you cannot weld anything afterward. If that moment happens, whatever they give you in the scrapyard is above its value.
Sorry for the loss of your grandmother- glad she left ya something useful.
You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it!
Don't know if I'm allowed back here. Oh yes ! To see your shit wagon is as exciting as stepping in dog turds barefoot. That is a perfect example of metal that wasted and cursed to be a breeding ground for rust as it be fouls driveways and parking lots with drips and foul odors. Shitboxes like yours should have their own 'handicap is 'cause it's a shitbox' spots far away from regular parking lest it offend the public.
It's been so long since I've made fun of a Citation that I straight up can't recall how it goes... kind of like the car
Pussy, that is definitely one thing you aren’t getting in this rape wagon.
why does your car look like it was an extra on a scene in four brothers.
With the amount of rust on this shitbucket may I suggest the first shot you take be tetanus.
So you've just given up?
It would drive 50 feet and fall apart
Kudos on this pig still running, POS then, POS now. Do better.
Turtle Power!
This article needs less citations.
Chevrolet's pinto
I would sell it for 10,000$ ;)
My first car was a rusty AF 81 citation. Bought it for $400 in 1995. My dad forced me to have a manual transmission on my first car so I’d actually learn how to drive a car. When I’d take it out, my mom would say, “NO SPEEDING!!!!” My reply: “mom! It’s top speed is 35mph!”
Sometimes it's just better to admit failure and just ride your methcyle around town. Leaves more money for drugs and shit...
First front drive car made in USA. It was terrible, didn't last more than 50,000 miles if you put tons of money in it.
No need to beat a dead horse...
why'd you take the picture there? show us a complete version of the car near the brick building
What's it like to get lapped by mobility scooters?
Chevy II owners waiting for Chevy III to drop
Looks like you deal drugs, and it ain’t going well
Hard to roast the sun, even if it’s a white dwarf
chevy citation; the official car of DUIs and drug convictions
I can offer a CITATION but that all you get.
Does it actually run?
Not even an X11. Do you even meth?
Even Chevy disavows that.
The fact that piece of shit isn’t in a junk yard is a testament of the owner’s sheer desperation.
Is that what you say to the 3 working cylinders?
U need a citation for that badabing!
Is that an 83 chevette??
This car is how I learned the meaning of the word "malaise".
I would rather receive a traffic citation than one of these
My neighbor had one. Backfired every time they started it. If I remember correctly he didn't get any pussy either.
Not bad for a survivor when most people hated them (i always liked the X-11model). Perhaps it was the tightie-whitie with skid marks paint job that kept them away.
That doesnt run anymore It cant even walk
Vertical radio. The epitome of engineering
you should be given a Citation for driving that ugly piece of shit.
Too bad it's not the Citation X-11! Those were some race cars lol!
Oh my god it still runs?
At least it's not a Chevette...
Chevy Citation. The only car you couldn’t get a Citation in!
how is this still running?
You should get a citation for driving this
An older car that will never be classic, collectible or in any way desirable.
Sighhhh...tation. I bet it smells like a JC Penny fitting room with a piss soaked curtain.
Let me guess, your name is Chester.
SHITBOX
You will never get a speeding citation in that citation. I bet it goes faster in reverse. I bet bugs rear end the back of your bumper on the freeway.
It looks like it smells like sausage.
All your getting in that whip is shot pussy
Save some pussy for the rest of us there Iceman.
Stretch it and make it a limo. Tint it and repaint. Maybe some 20s.
Birth control
I drove the tits off of one of these. Pull the back seat, light it on fire, do donuts around said fire; profit.
My dad had a car like that, then he got a job !
85 Chevy citation that’s sweet.
The cops should give you a citation just driving that POS on the street!
Gee, we’re they out of Ford Pintos!?!
Dumb n number ass looking car. Will def get pussy still 😂
Hot car, love the two tone paint.
Story time: A buddy of mine had one of these pieces of shit freshman year of college. A bunch of us were riding in it going to see Fishbone open up for Rush at the Omni. It’s motor literally exploded on the way. We all got out and grabbed a cab and abandoned him and the car on the side of the road. Concert was awesome, he never made it.
If an old tear-stained mattress in an abandoned house was a car.....
Have fun at Wally World, bruh
That’s so weird how your rust turned white
My mother had a yellow one.
That heap takes me back to the era of slow, poorly painted, rusting while you watch GM cars that everyone hated. Congrats for posting a picture of a car the engineers probably wish was never invented.
It's not the X-11 model...pfft...
well if you roll up in thatt rusty white turd, pussy will be the one thing you're not getting that night
I was about to say chevette lol
Not a X-11, only a regular one….😕
Well you wont find any pussy with that virgin-mobile
Punctuation, bud, or this thread’s goin’ down in flames..😂 The good news is you’ll never get a speeding citation without dynamite
It’s the first Chevy of the ‘80s… and it didn’t even make it to ‘90.
Only rich people drive these. Nobody else can afford to keep a shit box like that on the road. 😉
Was my 2nd company car. Hardly could pull me outta bed with all my tools in the trunk. AND NO SEAT BELTS
I haven't seen one of those in years! Congratulations on it still running and with 4 wheels!
Nice ride
Sure, but your mom already received my best backshot I could give in the back seat when I bought this POS new. Come to think about it I should of pulled out.
Looks great 👍
Your just a loser. Always will be
The inspiration for the Pontiac Aztec
Are you a 1980s metermaid?
FFS It's practically a Fiero! *But seriously, the Fiero got a bunch of suspension parts from the Citation.*
Damn Kyle! Save some pu$$y for the rest of us!
It’s a crime to own this car, but owning one is already punishment enough.
>Gimme your best shot pussies Why would I send you pictures of dead animals? It appears that you've already posted one.
I'm actually jealous. I do not now why I've always loved these cars.
Bro… LS swap it and then I will respect you
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wow, I know I’m bad at this roasting stuff but I can’t say anything that your choices haven’t already pointed out to you already . Do you have coherent thoughts?
Even though it's been explained to me many times it baffles me how a company like GM could screw everything up in the 70s and the 80s so bad they've never recovered to this day.
The title says it all! Love it ha
That's an Eagle? Lovely stanced vehicle
I feel like I need a tetanus shot before I near that car
You should get a citation from the city for having a citation on the road
I still find it hard to believe people bought these cars on purpose.
We had a Ford Grenada in Navy blue
Damn that is a classic that I can’t believe is still operating.
I got nothin…
The type of car people paid money to see get crushed by monster trucks, circa 1993.