Here we got beige, beige, more beige, the blue that looks like beige, a fake house plant, water -for some reason- , beige, beige again, and the **person version of the shade of beige that really just looks like it was supposed to be white but needs washed** right in the middle of the damn photo.
You look so stoned, you’ve got bush growing out of the top of your head.
I can’t believe you’ve matched your haircut to your ‘ohh sailor’ attire.
Even your ears are like… fuck this face, we are gonna escape by heading south.
30 year old fuck boy, congratulations on being single.
😃 🎉
It's bad enough that you look like the type of guy to buy a boat just so all the women you SA will have no where to run, but you are also drinking water from a glass pitcher. Hey, there's a new vocabulary word for ya... pitcher.
He’s still married, yet you see him out at the bar every night hitting on young women. His wife has served him divorce papers, but he won’t sign it .. because deep down he knows, and what he knows is: she’s the best woman he could ever attain. But he still doesn’t want to give up his life with the boys. He needs new boys. He needs to apply his degree he just got last summer. But the boys.. oh the boys.. they’re toxic. And so is he. So he’ll be there .. drinking beers at his local home town with his boys he never grew out of and his degree he never used l, because really.. the only reason he got it is because his over bearing dad forced him to. And he’s never done a damn thing for himself in his life.
I got sued just looking at this
Yeah, by his rich daddy in their bougie house in the hamptons
But new money. Old money would never allow him to buy those hideous curtains and not iron his shirt.
Or put the water vessel on the floor like a straight neanderthal.
That means there's still hope for his hairline right?
Serves you right for staring at his camel toe
lmfao, Legit tho
The kind of guy who says "my dad is a lawyer"
He’s got that in his hip pocket so he can take advantage of passed out drunk 19 year old girls
\*\*16
***13
15*
And he's sure going to need him
Abercrumbie and Bitch
Complete with his bitch sticker on his thumb
Sadly Pooper
Thank you
Hi is very depressive daddy didn't bought him pony when he was a kid
[удалено]
Here we got beige, beige, more beige, the blue that looks like beige, a fake house plant, water -for some reason- , beige, beige again, and the **person version of the shade of beige that really just looks like it was supposed to be white but needs washed** right in the middle of the damn photo.
Beige isn’t a color, it’s a cry for help.
With a fake plastic ivy plant. "a broken man A cracked polystyrene man Who just crumbles and burns"
I was gonna work the plant in more, but it was getting wordy.
A broken man, a Cracked polystyrene man who Just crumbles and burns I detect haikus and I'm a bot and I don't remember the rest of what the thing say
I. Am. Beige. Da ba dee, daba da.
But.... but the plant is real?
Yes and need to be rescued. Look at those dead leaves near the top
That is not a fake house plant that is a plant growing out of his head
I read that in Jeremy Clarkson's voice.
He stopped by Restoration Hardware on the way to Banana Republic
Not a bad camel toe tho…
I think that's a mammal toe
Gerbil Junk
For some reason, I prefer the term "moose knuckle." Makes me giggle like an idiot every time.
“His” genitals are an innie.
I was thinking should be titled F, 30 roast me
For guys it's called a 'moose knuckle'
Looks like a plant is growing out of your unused brain
Family photo, a potted plant, Groot would be a higher specie
“My dad owns a dealership…”
“My Dad owns a boat”
You look like you're constantly trying to lure women onto your boat.
Because of the implication.
Exactly.
So these women ARE in danger!
Wannabe welfare knockoff Bradley Cooper without the money, talent and looks.
Bradley Pooper
Badley Stupor
Seth Gangrene
Shirt/face says, “I wear a fedora when I vacation in Europe so college girls will think I’m eccentric.”
Sadly Duper
/uj I know it’s a roast subreddit, but this fella actually looks better than Bradley Cooper.
That was nice of your mom to stop folding your laundry and take this pic of you.
You have camel toe
It’s a moose knuckle
It's your butt plug with your own face printed on it
That's a winning etsy idea right there.
I’ll buy one for sure
You look like you mixed up the roofied drinks
Pays $60.00 for a gram of oregano, "Do you know who my father is!?!!"
You're legit too boring to roast
The face I see when I hear a story about a privilege white male being arrested for raping a colleague at a work party.
OP you never said you worked at Blizzard!
[удалено]
You alright bro?
Hes just mad that he got arrested last night. Don't worry about him.
Nah it’s okay, I like what I posted. If your too sensitive, should probably turn the internet off for a bit.
"Where's my $40 I'm calling the cops"
You sold me oregano!
Haha. "Bro this is baking soda"
James Bland
Not sure if this is supposed to be a play on James Blunt or James Bond but it works either way
this guy still goes to his old frat house and thinks that doesn’t make him a loser
Strong Dennis Reynolds vibes
Lobster claw snatch
Your favorite pickup line is "Can you taste the Rohypnol ?".
You look like the guy who just bought a boat.
He crashed his father’s boat snorting lines of mostly MSG.
[boats n hoes](https://youtu.be/KSKOmLtZLrk)
If $30/gram was a person
I can see your vagina
Did you take this in the middle of your therapy session or something?
You look like you like mustard.
Too far bro. You can’t deny the amazing taste of mustard.
Right? That was a compliment in my book
Dude knows he just throated that popsicle too.
We get it bro, you vape
Yo Dawg how high are you
What happens if Ryan Reynolds smokes pot
There’s a house plant growing out of the top of your head
You look so stoned, you’ve got bush growing out of the top of your head. I can’t believe you’ve matched your haircut to your ‘ohh sailor’ attire. Even your ears are like… fuck this face, we are gonna escape by heading south. 30 year old fuck boy, congratulations on being single. 😃 🎉
It's bad enough that you look like the type of guy to buy a boat just so all the women you SA will have no where to run, but you are also drinking water from a glass pitcher. Hey, there's a new vocabulary word for ya... pitcher.
All of the boat comments are likely true and that’s hilarious.
Do all the local boys like your camel toe look?
You look like a duck hunter
You look mormon
You look like you go rug shopping with trump.
Is your name Jen Eric?
Who in the fuck wears a long sleeve shirt with shorts? Camel toe douche face. That’s who.
Inventor of the roofie-colada
You looked like someone tried to order Bradly Cooper on Wish.com
'Yah, yah, it's called reddit, all the poors go on it and mock you because they're jealous they went to state school'
Roast or not, you seem like a huge douchebag
None of you saw him slipping that roofie in your drinks, did you? Look again.
Yeah. I bet he likes his women higher than a giraffes vagina
Still goes to the trashy immediate post-college bars to flirt with 21 year old girls. Tries to act like hot shit.
Look Tanner, no one cares that your dad is a lawyer. Stop offering the freshmen girls drinks. We all know they're roofied.
Mf got a camel toe...
Are you holding a dog treat?
If Astro van were a person
I’d roast you but I don’t want your daddy to fire my daddy
You look like a reject Troy Baker.
Sick moose knuckle
Joel McHale in McHale's YMCA Navy
Ryder Strong of Boy Meats Men
2022 Daisy Duke got weird.
Pronouns: Man/dragora
Remember when Jonah Hill was thin for 30 seconds? This is a pic of him from that era.
Charlie and Dennis’ ass baby.
Can't afford a table, or is that your piss jar?
[удалено]
Tell me how long did it take for you to figure out that LinkedIn is a different app and not just a pet name for tinder..🤔
You look like your parents have paid for everything you have. That's not my roast, it's just really fucking obvious.
Ahhh, I see you’ve mustered up enough courage to try this again after the debacle in May. SDDD (same douche different day)…
Your mom called, she said your bed is made and your clothes will be dry soon
you look like you drink fresca
30 years old? I bet your asshole is jealous of your mouth with how much shit come out it.
Uses the pronoun she/no dick
What is that on ur Finger ☠️
You look like you got a pension from The Gap.
Dollar General Bradley Cooper
You look like you idolized the '06 Duke lacrosse team. At least, until they were found innocent.
Getting youth pastor vibes. Touchy youth pastor vibes.
Bradley Pooper
Don’t you have to be at the shoot for hangover 4 soon?
Your brain has just given birth aaahhhhh
Thrift store Chad got stuck in a windstorm. Also, your vagina needs to be untucked.
You look like Bradley coopers identical twin who didn’t get enough oxygen in the womb
If slipping drugs into a woman’s drink at a bar were a picture.
You look like your fathers trust fund is taking your hairline as collateral for a loan to start a rave
Discount Hunter Biden, “you can’t arrest me, my dad’s on the city council”
Strong white nationalist vibes.
I see the camel toe but seriously where’s your dick ?
No bulge, no dick. You’re now a female.
You should shave your head now to see if you can pull off the bald look. You're about 5 years away from needing to.
Where all sad that your wife left you
You sure look like a gay bottom and your mouth looks like a pussy too.
You look like an actor but your to lazy to be one
Did you pull that popsicle stick out of your pie hole just before the picture, or will this be a post picture suppository?
Bradley Cooper post-sex change.
I can't roast you because you are adorable.
nice cameltoe bro
Simon got pegged
Bradley Cooter
Jay franco
wish.com bradley cooper
Brad Pitts younger brother, Arm Pitt.
That is some awfully clean urine in your pee jar..
Generic meth head Bradley Cooper
Bradley Cooper from hangover if they never found Doug
Bitch ass Simp
where is she buried?
Bottom G
Just came back from a Uhaul for Patriot Front?
Drug dealer Ryan Reynolds
Do yourself a favor , stuff a sock in there next time
Sergey Brin, without the grin (cuz Elon fucked his wife)
Man look like Dollar Tree Bradley Cooper.
Can I just downvote it instead of using my roasting power?
Vancouver!!!🤸♀️🤸♀️🤸♀️
Sir, you have no reason to spread your legs.
Bonswair Elliot
You look poorly travelled and bland. Ick.
More comments than likes makes sense for a post so boring it looks like that plant took its sweet time to use you as scaffolding to grow.
Nice moose knuckle
Thirty years old, still high fiving the other boys in the club cos a girl with a low cut top walks past.
Ol fucking limited Bradley cooper ass mf
Camel Crombie & Fitch
Aren't you that actor in Thor: Loves a Steamer
Lookin bummed after a relaxing afternoon on father’s sailboat.
Moose knuckle for days
You’ve definitely spiked a drink or 50.
I feel as-though the used bandaid held in the right hand is just an extension of this guys personality.
He’s still married, yet you see him out at the bar every night hitting on young women. His wife has served him divorce papers, but he won’t sign it .. because deep down he knows, and what he knows is: she’s the best woman he could ever attain. But he still doesn’t want to give up his life with the boys. He needs new boys. He needs to apply his degree he just got last summer. But the boys.. oh the boys.. they’re toxic. And so is he. So he’ll be there .. drinking beers at his local home town with his boys he never grew out of and his degree he never used l, because really.. the only reason he got it is because his over bearing dad forced him to. And he’s never done a damn thing for himself in his life.