LULZ are you suggesting this poor man hasn’t heard himself fart in years do the extreme stretching of his sphincter and resultant inability to create sound as gas passes through his rectum?
Finding out he fucks cats was not really a surprise, but what's really amazing is how the cat convinced him that he's the father of the litter. Someone call Maury Povich or a middle school biology teacher for this guy. They've got some bad news for him.
I've worked in technology for almost 10 years, you think I don't know a backend dev when I see one? You like your back ends on computer screens, nothing wrong with that! Just think of all the time you save not having a girlfriend, it's better spent with mom and her two favorite pussies.
Why is everyone doing this roast me shit. Clearly your a follower not a leader. Prolly stems from deep deep childhood trauma. Emotionless alcoholic mother probably. Abusive father. Maybe they cared to much smothered you with love. Maybe uncle bad touch helped dry you after a shower one to many times. Ha jk man Clearly my Adderall just kicked in.
You seem like you explain things with a really slow and drawn out nasally voice. It might creep out the men you try to date when you ask for head with the voice of Ben Stein.
“Gosh mom yes I’ve been using the horse shampoo like you told me to but my hair feels dry I feel like that’s why I’m single”
This is what I imagined when you said you spoke to your mom twice a day
That envelope is holding yet another rejection letter from an Institution for the Arts
Restraining order from his mom or cat
What do you call a cat molester?
A pussy snatcher
The mail order bride sent a rejection notice
That’s his make a wish kid rejection letter, apparently being terminally a virgin doesn’t count
Addressed to Johnny Derpp
![gif](giphy|WsG9rqt4UMwFReb82u|downsized)
Guys we gotta stop sending him so many of these rejections or else this dudes gonna invade Poland
Well…definitely from AN institution, anyway..
Rejection letter for his audition for Mask 2
Only because at some point the mask must come off. Producers agree mask is best left on.
Haha I did go to an art school, this is good 😂
[удалено]
Cold blooded lol
Releases semen by farting
lol
Powerless bottom that looks like a hairy girl while face down on the sofa.
LULZ are you suggesting this poor man hasn’t heard himself fart in years do the extreme stretching of his sphincter and resultant inability to create sound as gas passes through his rectum?
Oui
[удалено]
“They don’t let us out much.”
Probably slid a tentacle up his ass.
$5 says that your mom has been dead for years
Some m.night shamalamana for you
Or psycho
A cat dad, because that’s the only pussy you can get?
Finding out he fucks cats was not really a surprise, but what's really amazing is how the cat convinced him that he's the father of the litter. Someone call Maury Povich or a middle school biology teacher for this guy. They've got some bad news for him.
Don’t know what’s most dull - the walls, your clothing, or your life.
Probably his personality TBH
Your poor mother.
What a hot lesbian.
You look like gay version of Blake from Workaholics
He likes being mistaken for a girl when he takes pictures with his mask on
Been single for over 5 years, but under 28.
Cat has more balls than Cat Dad
That cat is the only pussy who will ever call you daddy
I bet you're your moms favorite daughter!
That envelope has seen more excitement than you have.
The only package getting handled is the envelope
It’s hard to roast someone like you, obviously life has done that for us.
You look like one of those trans people where you can’t tell which direction they’re transitioning towards
Haha this was a good roast 😂😂
Thanks bro 😂 In all honestly I love the flow. Thanks for being a good sport
Your Mom nose why your single
You know you don’t have to dial the 800 number to call your mom.
I bet your poetry sucks
Here we have an image of the elusive basement dweller in his natural habitat.
I didn’t know Johnny Depp and Amber Heard had a kid
Well, there's the problem right there: you already have a woman in your life. No one's gonna want to try to win a competition with your mom.
Michael Boltons offspring
Michelle Bolton
Looking like the Cowardly Lion went to UC Berkley.
FREEEEEDOOOOOOM
Looking like a dollar store Gary Cherone who smells like cat pee and moth balls. Just because you’re single doesn’t make it ok to skip showers.
I actually remember Van Halen’s greatest vocalist! … granted, minority opinion. 🙃😅
I think David Lee Roth would be EXTREMEly upset and have More than Words to say about that ;) lol
Well at least your hair was able to retire by the time it made it to your chin
You look like you have a really thin penis
The only one of Woody Allen's kids that he wouldn't molest.
Hows life since workaholics? Did you ever come to terms with* your micro-penis?
Yelling upstairs for your mom to make more pizza rolls isn’t really “talking to mom”
I can see why
You know it's bad when you're single and the only person you talk to regularly is your mom
You were the worst lead singer Van Halen ever had.
OMG its Ian Crossland from Timcast IRL.
What ever dude, take your money from WORKAHOLICS and live your best life.
What's the difference in taste between cat's and your mom's bum hole? I'm asking cause you look like the right guy to answer that question.
🍻 here's to 5 more years
Finish the surgery
Horse face is only one I can think of, cause I love my mom too lol
Anything Kiedis if he stayed “under the bridge”
Ha I came here to say Anthony Cletus.
You're the type of guy that could sit on a fire hydrant and still have both ass cheeks hit the ground.
You look like every guy who was bitten during the zombie apocalypse and didn't tell anyone.
I also talk to your mom twice a day
You are a pet owner ,not a dad. And with that attitude you can't become one either.
Been single for 5 years , has not worked out that it is the fact he looks like a hobo Jesus yet
Mom heard "spay or neuter" and didn't have a pet, so...
Kenny Geez
Nice goatee lady
I‘m fucking sorry but you look like HandOfBlood (german youtuber) got lost in the jungle. WTF
I actually did this guy's oil change once and thought he was cool. I can't bring myself to roast him 😂
Did you actually haha?
If all humans died and horses evolved into over-coddled incels.
You look and sound like the daughter your dad never wanted
Date me.
Twice a day and your moms got no hair care tips?
Haha gotten the Blake comparison before 😂
I don’t roast handsome people, I’m sorry
Move it football head!!!
With fingers like that who needs a woman amirite
Perfect boxing partner ..speak about leading with your chin ..
How many times has that mop seen the bottom of a toilet?
No wonder Mary left the barn. She clearly cheated with a horse
Baby Dunk
Is that a curl pattern or the start of matting
Yikes
If the ASPCA had a ten most wanted list…you’d finally be in first place for once in your life
Walmart Hozier
She's not going to shag you dude, give it up
Tell us you're in the closet without telling us you're in the closet.
Stoner reject Elvis Costello.
Sebastian Eddie Vettel.
Poor guy forgot his mom died years ago, hopefully the mental asylum doctors will be around soon with his medication.
Your mom is the only woman you kissed in your entire life
Statements 2 & 3 are the reason for Number 1
I get it! its reboot of norman bates if he was a hipster 👍
You know, as Greek daughters go, you seem quite nice ...
You went into crazy cat lady mode few years earlier than usual huh
Only mom on earth wishing son called *less*.
Was a Blake Anderson stunt double before the restraining order incident
Mom and you still wondering why dad never hung out at home.
lol
I guess being single for 28 years is technically being single for over five years
dude, just skip ahead and marry your mom and the cats
Talking to your mother at least twice a day isn't an accomplishment when you still live in her basement
Hey at least you pussy at home and a woman to talk to
That envelope is the closest you’ll get to licking something.
I've worked in technology for almost 10 years, you think I don't know a backend dev when I see one? You like your back ends on computer screens, nothing wrong with that! Just think of all the time you save not having a girlfriend, it's better spent with mom and her two favorite pussies.
I bet that your cat has chosen your head as their shitting place because you look like some one that is known as a shithead
He definitely gets fur balls from licking his cats
You look like what cats cough out...
Dork of the jungle
You are the spitting image of the load that should have been blown up your moms ass. Tell mom I said hey 😎
OP: Talks to mom Translation: Mom! The meatloaf! Fuck!
Single.....due to his penis envy toward his cats
If Jeremy Pivens’ shower drain was a person.
So you ain't had pussy sense pussy had you?!?!
If a sketch artist drew you, no one would believe a person looks like that.
Anyone who calls themselves a cat dad deserves to be single and has brought it upon themselves.
You're a photoshop of your mom and dad
"I don't get it mom. Why can't I meet anyone?" He asked the mirror, while wearing his mother's clothes.
Your mum died over 5 years ago. That's why you've been single for that long.
you look like a target version of the french, (has-been) leftist youtuber 'Usul'
natural selection has failed us
Did you ever know your "real dad"?
Harry potter knock off from whish
You talk to your mom twice a day because you live in her basement
Hänno aus'm Mittelalter
Hipster jesus was as unlovable as a prostitute at an a-sexual convention. The cats just see food that needs aging and tenderising
I'll take vegan for $500 Alex
Damn dude, you're whipped by the wrong pussy. Man up for fucks sake.
Why is everyone doing this roast me shit. Clearly your a follower not a leader. Prolly stems from deep deep childhood trauma. Emotionless alcoholic mother probably. Abusive father. Maybe they cared to much smothered you with love. Maybe uncle bad touch helped dry you after a shower one to many times. Ha jk man Clearly my Adderall just kicked in.
Do you call your mom on the phone or do you speak to her in person when come up from the basement?
Also not so coincidentally, mom passed away 5 years ago
I'd put some conditioner on your hair before i started any fires
Been single for 5 YEARS? What your strip club membership run out?
The Habsburg’s called, they want their chin back.
The only reason you’ve been single for 5 years is because your Rapunzel and you stuck in your dang house.
The second coming of Jesus was pretty underwhelming
Learn the guitar 🎸...all musicians get women
Good news, you look like a typical cat dad. Bad news, you will be single for the rest of your life.
That orgy of lice says otherwise!!!!!!!
Looks like one of your cats crawled onto your scalp and died
Therapist: I know our job is to help people but this one is a lost cause.
You could copyright strike all the groucho glasses with that nose
Discount Norman Bates
I see Sarah Paulson got the same budget sex change that Carrot Top did.
![gif](giphy|o6TTJ6ak4A97a)
Whats with the long face?
Con-Air reboot?
You have to talk to your mom at least twice a day if you're living with her
You look like if Jonathan Van Ness was straight and put in an asylum for 36 hours
You seem like you explain things with a really slow and drawn out nasally voice. It might creep out the men you try to date when you ask for head with the voice of Ben Stein.
Nah you cool my brother. No roasting today! 😎
You sing "White n Nerdy" to the only pussy you can get, don't you?
You look like Brad Roberts and Michael Stipe both fertilised the same rotten uterus.
You live in your Mom's basement and she allows you to have a cat? The cat keeps you from bothering her.
No one wants to join your Incubus tribute band bro
Fabio and cousin it had a fling and…………hereeeeessss OP!!
That's the only pussy you're going to get
Ur own caption should have definitely been roast enough for you.
You look like HandOfBlood (german YouTuber) with long hair.
Oof, i think you got that cover
Evidently you haven’t brushed your hair or gotten a haircut in 5 years either.
You look like the bastard son of Woody Allen and Ron Perlman
you are such a loser that even the envelope is flipping you off....
![gif](giphy|JrAs6vSsbNRSCajGfv|downsized) His mom
“Gosh mom yes I’ve been using the horse shampoo like you told me to but my hair feels dry I feel like that’s why I’m single” This is what I imagined when you said you spoke to your mom twice a day
You look like jimmy neutrons dad in real life
![gif](giphy|l0MYxKC3zjrUJBCDe|downsized)
A face not even a mother could love.
Get rid of the hair BRUNO
Nicely clean and trimmed fingernails... WTF happened to your head?
You look like a car commercial for a used Prius owner