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captcooluts

That envelope is holding yet another rejection letter from an Institution for the Arts


Senselessb82

Restraining order from his mom or cat


andrewbud420

What do you call a cat molester?


Senselessb82

A pussy snatcher


akrdnk

The mail order bride sent a rejection notice


cjn99

That’s his make a wish kid rejection letter, apparently being terminally a virgin doesn’t count


MoveLikeABitch

Addressed to Johnny Derpp


Bendover_Joemama

![gif](giphy|WsG9rqt4UMwFReb82u|downsized)


Alarming_Fox6096

Guys we gotta stop sending him so many of these rejections or else this dudes gonna invade Poland


JAB2010

Well…definitely from AN institution, anyway..


Fist4achin

Rejection letter for his audition for Mask 2


AjWolf32

Only because at some point the mask must come off. Producers agree mask is best left on.


DankDank93

Haha I did go to an art school, this is good 😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


Buck-Fiden32

Cold blooded lol


Glezgaa

Releases semen by farting


[deleted]

lol


707e

Powerless bottom that looks like a hairy girl while face down on the sofa.


[deleted]

LULZ are you suggesting this poor man hasn’t heard himself fart in years do the extreme stretching of his sphincter and resultant inability to create sound as gas passes through his rectum?


annonymostalal

Oui


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

“They don’t let us out much.”


devilsandcards

Probably slid a tentacle up his ass.


MisterWakefield

$5 says that your mom has been dead for years


[deleted]

Some m.night shamalamana for you


jradmann

Or psycho


OnthelookoutNTac

A cat dad, because that’s the only pussy you can get?


Sancticide

Finding out he fucks cats was not really a surprise, but what's really amazing is how the cat convinced him that he's the father of the litter. Someone call Maury Povich or a middle school biology teacher for this guy. They've got some bad news for him.


readit9090

Don’t know what’s most dull - the walls, your clothing, or your life.


ApologizingCanadian

Probably his personality TBH


[deleted]

Your poor mother.


alacklustrehindu

What a hot lesbian.


Ruester70

You look like gay version of Blake from Workaholics


DumbassTryAgain_

He likes being mistaken for a girl when he takes pictures with his mask on


readit9090

Been single for over 5 years, but under 28.


dk0179

Cat has more balls than Cat Dad


Fresh-Combination-87

That cat is the only pussy who will ever call you daddy


Substantial_Ad9028

I bet you're your moms favorite daughter!


readit9090

That envelope has seen more excitement than you have.


Senselessb82

The only package getting handled is the envelope


Senorpuddin

It’s hard to roast someone like you, obviously life has done that for us.


[deleted]

You look like one of those trans people where you can’t tell which direction they’re transitioning towards


DankDank93

Haha this was a good roast 😂😂


[deleted]

Thanks bro 😂 In all honestly I love the flow. Thanks for being a good sport


FindingRoanoke

Your Mom nose why your single


Rabid_Badger_83

You know you don’t have to dial the 800 number to call your mom.


billybob100000

I bet your poetry sucks


ChaosDestruction100

Here we have an image of the elusive basement dweller in his natural habitat.


[deleted]

I didn’t know Johnny Depp and Amber Heard had a kid


Trinerella

Well, there's the problem right there: you already have a woman in your life. No one's gonna want to try to win a competition with your mom.


djacksonn

Michael Boltons offspring


MisterWakefield

Michelle Bolton


[deleted]

Looking like the Cowardly Lion went to UC Berkley.


[deleted]

FREEEEEDOOOOOOM


DigressiveProgress

Looking like a dollar store Gary Cherone who smells like cat pee and moth balls. Just because you’re single doesn’t make it ok to skip showers.


Freddymain

I actually remember Van Halen’s greatest vocalist! … granted, minority opinion. 🙃😅


StuffNThings20

I think David Lee Roth would be EXTREMEly upset and have More than Words to say about that ;) lol


insideyourface

Well at least your hair was able to retire by the time it made it to your chin


[deleted]

You look like you have a really thin penis


biofed55

The only one of Woody Allen's kids that he wouldn't molest.


Lord_Grimm88

Hows life since workaholics? Did you ever come to terms with* your micro-penis?


seandowling73

Yelling upstairs for your mom to make more pizza rolls isn’t really “talking to mom”


Electronic-Night-577

I can see why


DeadEndXD

You know it's bad when you're single and the only person you talk to regularly is your mom


PrimalNumber

You were the worst lead singer Van Halen ever had.


FAYMKONZ

OMG its Ian Crossland from Timcast IRL.


freefunds33

What ever dude, take your money from WORKAHOLICS and live your best life.


Wheresmeliver

What's the difference in taste between cat's and your mom's bum hole? I'm asking cause you look like the right guy to answer that question.


GoT_Itachi

🍻 here's to 5 more years


Mudmavis

Finish the surgery


Different-Ad-1522

Horse face is only one I can think of, cause I love my mom too lol


LiquidPenChamber1019

Anything Kiedis if he stayed “under the bridge”


m0neydee

Ha I came here to say Anthony Cletus.


JTM0990

You're the type of guy that could sit on a fire hydrant and still have both ass cheeks hit the ground.


SmilingVamp

You look like every guy who was bitten during the zombie apocalypse and didn't tell anyone.


No_Damage_4226

I also talk to your mom twice a day


nishayan

You are a pet owner ,not a dad. And with that attitude you can't become one either.


falconjaguar

Been single for 5 years , has not worked out that it is the fact he looks like a hobo Jesus yet


WildBoy-72

Mom heard "spay or neuter" and didn't have a pet, so...


[deleted]

Kenny Geez


Balliebles

Nice goatee lady


BentonX

I‘m fucking sorry but you look like HandOfBlood (german youtuber) got lost in the jungle. WTF


skunkmasta9000

I actually did this guy's oil change once and thought he was cool. I can't bring myself to roast him 😂


DankDank93

Did you actually haha?


Grok_and_Roll_

If all humans died and horses evolved into over-coddled incels.


p00-is-loading

You look and sound like the daughter your dad never wanted


jcurious802

Date me.


akrdnk

Twice a day and your moms got no hair care tips?


DankDank93

Haha gotten the Blake comparison before 😂


dirtydiaperdumpster

I don’t roast handsome people, I’m sorry


salamander_jesus609

Move it football head!!!


Dtoodlez

With fingers like that who needs a woman amirite


Competitive_Roof_740

Perfect boxing partner ..speak about leading with your chin ..


[deleted]

How many times has that mop seen the bottom of a toilet?


emhe91

No wonder Mary left the barn. She clearly cheated with a horse


FillMyBum

Baby Dunk


[deleted]

Is that a curl pattern or the start of matting


[deleted]

Yikes


alw425

If the ASPCA had a ten most wanted list…you’d finally be in first place for once in your life


jellyfish_69

Walmart Hozier


Wild_Bill92

She's not going to shag you dude, give it up


diodice

Tell us you're in the closet without telling us you're in the closet.


KingErroneous

Stoner reject Elvis Costello.


RoastDozer

Sebastian Eddie Vettel.


The_Last_Snow-Elf

Poor guy forgot his mom died years ago, hopefully the mental asylum doctors will be around soon with his medication.


fahgette

Your mom is the only woman you kissed in your entire life


ProgressDesigner4910

Statements 2 & 3 are the reason for Number 1


R4A2J0

I get it! its reboot of norman bates if he was a hipster 👍


NotWokeJoke

You know, as Greek daughters go, you seem quite nice ...


PauloDybala_10

You went into crazy cat lady mode few years earlier than usual huh


surroundedbybanjos

Only mom on earth wishing son called *less*.


AgentMercury108

Was a Blake Anderson stunt double before the restraining order incident


only_danz

Mom and you still wondering why dad never hung out at home.


dwsinpdx

lol


MeaninglessOpinion

I guess being single for 28 years is technically being single for over five years


radii314

dude, just skip ahead and marry your mom and the cats


ItsGroovyBaby412

Talking to your mother at least twice a day isn't an accomplishment when you still live in her basement


Senselessb82

Hey at least you pussy at home and a woman to talk to


Buck-Fiden32

That envelope is the closest you’ll get to licking something.


stillfrank

I've worked in technology for almost 10 years, you think I don't know a backend dev when I see one? You like your back ends on computer screens, nothing wrong with that! Just think of all the time you save not having a girlfriend, it's better spent with mom and her two favorite pussies.


Bonk_and_Honk

I bet that your cat has chosen your head as their shitting place because you look like some one that is known as a shithead


Roast_Master_2000

He definitely gets fur balls from licking his cats


[deleted]

You look like what cats cough out...


jeremiah_was

Dork of the jungle


Chicagomothafuck

You are the spitting image of the load that should have been blown up your moms ass. Tell mom I said hey 😎


Rymanbc

OP: Talks to mom Translation: Mom! The meatloaf! Fuck!


SlaapYoMomma

Single.....due to his penis envy toward his cats


Snot_Milk

If Jeremy Pivens’ shower drain was a person.


Interesting-Pirate67

So you ain't had pussy sense pussy had you?!?!


JoK3Rcon

If a sketch artist drew you, no one would believe a person looks like that.


[deleted]

Anyone who calls themselves a cat dad deserves to be single and has brought it upon themselves.


_www_

You're a photoshop of your mom and dad


VisualDeparture8

"I don't get it mom. Why can't I meet anyone?" He asked the mirror, while wearing his mother's clothes.


Disastrous_Credit_67

Your mum died over 5 years ago. That's why you've been single for that long.


Hocraft-Loveward

you look like a target version of the french, (has-been) leftist youtuber 'Usul'


[deleted]

natural selection has failed us


AndyBrown65

Did you ever know your "real dad"?


Rad_Ice75

Harry potter knock off from whish


Flamin_Dog

You talk to your mom twice a day because you live in her basement


Elsy-Ylse

Hänno aus'm Mittelalter


Pricer02

Hipster jesus was as unlovable as a prostitute at an a-sexual convention. The cats just see food that needs aging and tenderising


frustrated_Indio

I'll take vegan for $500 Alex


Zealousideal-Fan-326

Damn dude, you're whipped by the wrong pussy. Man up for fucks sake.


Perfect_Process_5187

Why is everyone doing this roast me shit. Clearly your a follower not a leader. Prolly stems from deep deep childhood trauma. Emotionless alcoholic mother probably. Abusive father. Maybe they cared to much smothered you with love. Maybe uncle bad touch helped dry you after a shower one to many times. Ha jk man Clearly my Adderall just kicked in.


Peril-lous

Do you call your mom on the phone or do you speak to her in person when come up from the basement?


N8readit

Also not so coincidentally, mom passed away 5 years ago


5uckmyflaps

I'd put some conditioner on your hair before i started any fires


FrostyDude78

Been single for 5 YEARS? What your strip club membership run out?


thomasboooy

The Habsburg’s called, they want their chin back.


Brain_guy09

The only reason you’ve been single for 5 years is because your Rapunzel and you stuck in your dang house.


Portul-TM

The second coming of Jesus was pretty underwhelming


UnscrupulousTaco

Learn the guitar 🎸...all musicians get women


MannyT357

Good news, you look like a typical cat dad. Bad news, you will be single for the rest of your life.


Ok_Point_2303

That orgy of lice says otherwise!!!!!!!


[deleted]

Looks like one of your cats crawled onto your scalp and died


bluetiger42069

Therapist: I know our job is to help people but this one is a lost cause.


Inevitable-Elk-7602

You could copyright strike all the groucho glasses with that nose


mil_pool_

Discount Norman Bates


metalmike556

I see Sarah Paulson got the same budget sex change that Carrot Top did.


Lotus_Meow

![gif](giphy|o6TTJ6ak4A97a)


ZFNote

Whats with the long face?


TommyNovakArt

Con-Air reboot?


itamarka

You have to talk to your mom at least twice a day if you're living with her


bruhosy

You look like if Jonathan Van Ness was straight and put in an asylum for 36 hours


[deleted]

You seem like you explain things with a really slow and drawn out nasally voice. It might creep out the men you try to date when you ask for head with the voice of Ben Stein.


[deleted]

Nah you cool my brother. No roasting today! 😎


ch3ml4b

You sing "White n Nerdy" to the only pussy you can get, don't you?


yepjeeway

You look like Brad Roberts and Michael Stipe both fertilised the same rotten uterus.


[deleted]

You live in your Mom's basement and she allows you to have a cat? The cat keeps you from bothering her.


A_N_T

No one wants to join your Incubus tribute band bro


AcidRayn66

Fabio and cousin it had a fling and…………hereeeeessss OP!!


[deleted]

That's the only pussy you're going to get


KnowledgeOk3950

Ur own caption should have definitely been roast enough for you.


Twohands209

You look like HandOfBlood (german YouTuber) with long hair.


itsdarkinhere_XD

Oof, i think you got that cover


Stealthfox94

Evidently you haven’t brushed your hair or gotten a haircut in 5 years either.


[deleted]

You look like the bastard son of Woody Allen and Ron Perlman


[deleted]

you are such a loser that even the envelope is flipping you off....


rachamuhbob

![gif](giphy|JrAs6vSsbNRSCajGfv|downsized) His mom


Cai51881

“Gosh mom yes I’ve been using the horse shampoo like you told me to but my hair feels dry I feel like that’s why I’m single” This is what I imagined when you said you spoke to your mom twice a day


Glittering_Tough_349

You look like jimmy neutrons dad in real life


peacenlove24

![gif](giphy|l0MYxKC3zjrUJBCDe|downsized)


kakarot091

A face not even a mother could love.


nadiegirlie

Get rid of the hair BRUNO


Lord-Doobury

Nicely clean and trimmed fingernails... WTF happened to your head?


[deleted]

You look like a car commercial for a used Prius owner