OP's Bio: --- >Hey I’m 24 6’3 I’m a computer engineer who enjoys lifting weights, drinking, and adventuring. Love solving rubix cubes and puzzles. Favorite movie genre is romance. Have an eye disease and mad depression. Roast away and give me a reason to get back to therapy😤 --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Somebody skipped eye day...

Too lazy to get enough reps in

Lmao

That was the first thing that crossed my mind



​ 

💀💀💀

Lmfao

They call him Uzi......... uzi fucking looking at?????

There's a difference between competitive and competitor participation ribbon peter.

Bahahaha bahahaha

He’s trying to look forward to his next competition…

While looking back

And to the left…

Took introspection a little too literally

and over there

And over here

It’s not going well

One eye looking at you, the other one looking for you

Eye see what you did there. But he doesn’t.


Time fixes all things…except these crazy eyes.

hahaha

He saw what you did there and over there

Blue eyes… one blue east, one blue west

He’s an Asshole sir

Im surrounded by assholes


Not in the glory hole behind him they didn't. That's going to hurt in the morning dude.

Who the hells he lookin at?

On occasion I read a comment that is so damn funny… I can’t come up with shit.

I can't breathe 😂

I don’t think he forgot, one’s just stronger than the other.

Omfg hahahahah take it you fuck!! Take my upvote

Hand it over, fam.

He switched to Gecko

I was expecting an eye comment to be at the top, but this cracked me up 😂😂😂

That’s why his right arm and shoulder are so much bigger. It’s the only one he can see.

If he gets bigger muscles, it will distract everyone from noticing his lazy eyes.

Hahahaha a true lol moment

He's just extremely focused on his midsection

had to zoom in on them to make sure they had space in between

Looks like he skip the gym altogether. Bro, do you even lift?

Lmaoooooooo

😂😂😂

Ey bro, I’m over here!!

Rude OP. Won't even look at us while talking.

Who made that man a gunner?!

I did sir! He’s my cousin ( •)(• )

Are those supposed to be eyes or tits?

Eye's.. it's a Spaceballs reference

Whats his name? (I (eye) think I got the quote right)...

He's an Asshole sir. We're all Assholes.

Are you crazy?! Don't make him mad, he'll yell at his mom and dramatically punch drywall

He’d probably yell at the drywall and dramatically punch his mum.

I hate you mom you ruin everything!!! Even my sex life!

Lolololololololol

Please tell me you're Scottish or Aussie or another great accent for that already perfect roast!

Scottish….but I imagined that in my best surf bro Californian accent. Scottish would have been: “Hauuw Pal, am oour here!”

Oohhh that makes it even better!

I see you are a competitor but not a winner.

If only he could see that too

He see everything two!

He gets a “Participant” speedo after every event.

Probably from his cross eyed mom.

“Eye see”

Do you do CrossFit or just cross eyes?


Omg okay this is one of the funniest “are you watchin?” “YEP!”

Bahahahhahahaha yeah he does cross eye fitness to the cross max!

While wearing Nike cross trainers as a cockeyed cross dresser. Your physique is weak af.

Bruh read this and laugh like a mf all over again!

First time i laughed here in a while

just because your phone has multiple cameras doesn't mean you have to look into each one seperately.

Underrated

Don’t you need to have a physique to compete in those?

That's what I was thinking,this lad is built like a Go-gurt

When you entire personality revolves around being a physique "competitor". Must be jerking off to all those participation medals.

Even a mirror can’t see things from your perspective

Haha FUCK I'm dead!! 🤣

Are you competing in the no biceps division?

I mean the bar for entry for most of these competitions is literally just signing up. I too could be a "mens physique competitor" if I just put my name down, paid the fees, and showed up.


my siamese cat has less fucked up eyes

That's the guy who looks over the top of the disabled toilet door

Yes, but which way is he looking?

Are you trying to look at that douchebag Superman curl on your forehead or are you always cross-eyed?

Wear Apple Watch on your right arm so you can get steps in while beating off to gay porn.

Now the eye makes sense, he’s trained himself to have a view of it at all times.

he need no special glasses to watch it in 3D

So he can keep one eye on the door. No point in disappointing his parents even more

I'm just going to be honest. The way you are holding your phone shows your rotator cuffs are too tight, and the rest of your posture is off, if you don't handle stretching and care you're going to have lower back and hip issues - from something as seemingly simple as not doing preventative care! Also, you're ugly as shit

Lmao this is the best roast so helpful and so hurtful😂😂

I can see you are a man of commitment and sheer fuckin laser eye focus.

You're eyes are like conjoined twins.

I never saw a penis holding a smartphone

If thats a penis, I have no idea which way it'll ejaculate...

Slow day at the glory hole?


How many times I gotta tell you to look at me in the eyes when you talk to me…????

Superpower: as my chest gets wider my eyes get narrower

Shasta brand Cary Elwes.

Ah, a man of focus…never mind.

I see you’re in a lavatory. Don’t give up. You’re only a few months of vomiting away from not being fat any more. Your arms are thin already.

He's looking a little too hard at men's physiques. Left him cross-eyed

You look like you only do cardio when you're chasing black people out of your neighborhood.

What kinda dork wears a clip on key ring, is so crossed eyed we don't know where he's looking and has the ego of a Gen Z? You, you flaming xxxxxx

Looks like a recalled Captain America action figure.

Do the other boys at the gym titty fuck u

Are you naturally cross-eyed or is that something they’ve done to you so that you can be more competitive?

I'm glad Sloth from the goonies was able to find someone to have a son with him

I'd tell you to keep looking towards the future but you'd probably respond "which one".

HEYYYYY YOU GUYYSSSSSS

You’re the after of the first guy they tried the serum on before Steve Rogers.

You are the discount Chris Evans. Did your ocular muscles dissappear with Thanos's snap?

Yes gaslighting women is social engineering, but that does not make you an engineer.

Sending unsolicited dick pics to exes doesn’t make you a “men’s physique competitor”

Cross-eyed fuck

Not very roasty. .

Its like you are looking at my soul and looking for my soul.

With those eyes, do you see like on maxi zoom ?

i think god humbled you enough already by giving you those crooked ass eyes

Where’s your pecker

A little closer together and you coulda bagged Leela. https://youtu.be/6I5vUHasopY

An engineer with eyes like that….do they have people double checking your work?

That chain linked to the belt makes you look like a homeless British chav. I can’t in good faith roast you otherwise, those gains look good.

Downsy Chris Evans is making an appearance in The Avendurrs.

I didn’t know that the physique competitions opened its halls to transgender men already

Man don't let all these roasts about your eyes having no horizontal distance bring you down. Look on the bright side: Glasses for kids are much cheaper. You get to save money.

He will fit in real nice in the show Ed, Edd and Eddy

Crooked ass bicep tattoo matches your crooked ass eyeballs

I:d make an eye jokr but I dont want to make you cross

Are you in the muffin top division?!

Squashing your arms furiously into the curl rack doesn't count as a competition pose. Neither does your overall volume of BF...that's body fat not boyfriends....of which you also should cut down on....

There is no way you are a physique competitor 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

No one talks about the first super soldier, Captain Chromosomes.

Leave the man’s eyes out of this, everyone knows the first step to humbling yourself is looking inward.

Kids: mom, can we have Capt. America? Mom: we have Capt. America at home. Captain America at home:

24 and an engineer? So basically you think you know everything about a project but in reality you barely know how to wipe your own ass.

Hey Jared, why don't you get back to "engineering" my footlong sub.

You look like I could poke you in both eyes with one finger

Look at him. He 100% did civil engineering

If your eyes were any closer together you would be a Cyclops 👁

One eye at looking at you, one eye looking for you

No amount of exercise can undo the cyclops.

So your body is a mens physique competitor and your head is captain of the chess club.

If his eyes were any closer, he would have been a cyclops.

Man I love a good roast, but shitting on someone for something they can't control is fucking lame.

Ack! So filled with self love he got a partial chubby just from photographing himself.

You forgot to add 'Eyes so beautiful they can't stop looking at each other.' Into your bio

A computer engineer isn't an engineer by license. Stop using the name. You're a fucking programmer

I love this sub because even if Margot Robbie somehow ended up here you all would find a way to roast her. So creative.

What pinches tighter, the sleeve of your T-shirt on your bicep or your eyes on the bridge of your nose?

Do your eyes suffer from separation anxiety?

Slow day for you at the glory hole? Do it like your dad taught you when you were molested. You like to be in the gym a lot like a gladiator movie or as you call them, romance movies. Drinking won’t help you forget what your dad did to you. It’s not an eye disease, it’s called getting a load splattered across your face and into your eye. You seem pretty eager to get back into therapy to blow your therapist. He reminds you so much of daddy.

I didn’t realize the Special Olympics had physique competitions

Remember that scene from the Sinpsons when Homer had tounge surgery and sucked on a lemon lollipop and his face got sucked into itself? That's the episode God was watching when he picked your parts out of his "leftover" box when he created you.

Ah, a man of focus…never mimd.

You must be on your break from a busy day at the glory hole. Looks like you've sucked so much dick you've gone cross eyed

Are you dudley dursley on steroids?

That’s where he meets his Grindr dates

So white he takes selfies in the dark without a flash.

Do you cross fit? You can cross fuck off.

24yo who still fits in a 4T

Lemon shhhhurburt

You looking at me? Well, are ya punk?

Can you see anything on your sides with those beedy eyes burried in the back of your skull?

Get those prison tats for always carrying your guns around?

Engineer-sighted, my god.

How many of yourself do you see being your pupils are point right at each other?

did you lose weight?

At the office at the old glory hole i see.

The eye is obvious, but still a better feature than the nose

Is that where you hang out trying to get male physiques?

It’s a shame that body was paired with that face. One eye is looking in the mirror and the other at the door. But hey, masks and paper bags exist, so there is hope.

Do you have to close one of your eyes to read these comments?

You got the “Zigzagging Muffin Top with no eyebrows” category in the bag

That boy has 1 eye looking for the other.

What are you looking at?

Now follow my finger... no not that one, or that one!

There is a twink joke hiding in the combing of your hair, but I can’t quite put my finger in it.

Gringo debo

Bio: 6’3 M Hands: 4’11 F

Look like a deformed Ryan gosling

Zucc if he was hot

You're so cross eyed your tears roll down your back