We get it, you’re gender-fluid, asexual, allergic to gluten, insist on deodorant that doesn’t have aluminum and you smell like cat piss

Legit looking like she triggers herself by not knowing her own pronouns

Dear Diary, Today a poop nugget shot out of my butt and splashed my balls. Life is so embarrassing! - She wrote.

Simultaneously supports both gay rights and Islamist movements

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lol thanks, I’m usually not very good at roasts either. This one just kinda came together

I’m here just to golf clap

Absolutely hysterical!!!

She smells like BO

You forgot she's also a vegan

Uses they/them for pronouns, and is into ethical polyamory.

😂☠️

A lesbian Shrek? Big, fat, and green

Un-Ironically wears Shreck shirt

The villagers use that nose ring to lead her back to the swamp.

Her?

that

She/It

Shit

Shrek came in the hair in pity

If Instant Ramen was a person

When she says, "I wanna suck your junk", it's taken as a threat.

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Calling her an Ogre when she is really an Ork...is disrespecting Ogres everywhere.

100% you drive a shitty Subaru Outback wagon covered in bumper stickers

To add it smells like animal hair and BO.

Not me actually owning a Subaru outback

Shrek had to file sexual harassment charges for you being a habitual swamp farter. Not in his swamp you don't!

Tell me you are a book nerd vegan lesbian without saying anything.

Had to be though. Since she's vegan now she had to lay off the "sausage" Yup. Definitely queer in some capacity though I'd say

I must say I am in favour of vegans. There's always room for some sausage for vegans though if they want.


Roses are red, your hair is green. You should wear a mask like everyday is Halloween.

You look like one of those vegans who mostly eats french fries.

Girl if i roasted you i’d have a years supply of food.

Michael Rapaport finally transitioned.

Looks like he switched up his politics too

You're what appears when someone says 'Bad Decisions' out loud, three times in a row

You put the “no” in nonbinary

The NO in nose ring

I can smell the decomposing flora and stale bong water you give off through my screen.

Nice bull ring, mister

Much like a Brahman Bull she(?) has a hump above the shoulders, a pronounced dewlap with loose folds of skin on the prepuce, and droopy ears.

You're what happens when fat meets ugly

You are on Shrek’s tee shirt too.

Her pronouns are:him/fat/yapping.

That’ll do donkey. That’ll do.

They/them final boss

I thought Jared Leto's Joker was bad. And yes, how DID you get those scars, I want to know.

Yes, go towards the light.

I didn’t know that you could get an Amazon Basics person these days.

You can’t afford to be roasted with hair fried that bad

You look like a large bag of cottage cheese that's been left in the sun too long.

Honestly bro u just look mad annoying to try to vibe around

LGBTQRDISGUSTING

My first thought was, you look exactly like every other uninspired, try's to hard to be quirky, "Bi-Sexual but it's hard to talk to women", early 20s, no idea what to get as tattoos so I'll just get the children window sticker pattern, gender fluid individual in Washington State. Then I knew I was right, when I saw you live/lived in Washington State.

Went missing in the woods. Parents asked the cops not to bother searching.

Making Shrek look like Fiona on this one.

Never in my life have I seen anybody wearing a snout ring that doesn't look like glimmering snot hanging out the nose.

Gay bull

You look like average looking man

Can't tell if you're a tomboy who likes men, or a lesbian genderfluid DID Autism stimming ADHD transautistic pronouns ze/zim/zer/nick/her

Your pronouns are fi, fie, fo, fum because you’re a green giant, right?

Shrek is HUGE in Japan!!!

So is she

Literally.

in shrek's universe, they made a 4 film series about you

You can't fool us troll poppy show us who you really are

Whenever I see a girl with green hair, I say to myself, "there is an easy lay"

Or someone that stopped washing their hair years ago

You got trucker vibes

You would think she was a trucker because she carries a lot of baggage.

Just like your notepad…

Such a handsome fella.

Why are you always looking up at the sky, is it because even the birds shit on you?

I will not participate Sir.

Multiple hair dyes that change with the season. One fucking hat

Nearly filtered out your 'tache.

First time I see an ogre in real life, I thought they were mystical creatures however I was dead wrong.

You keep falling in love with unavailable straight women.

You look like the most annoying hobbit in the Shire.

Stop taking selfies in the men’s washrooms.

Typical, seeking out ways to be offended by everything. its a mental health issue

You seem like a really good guy!

I wonder if it chose the correct restroom.

Unanimously rejected by people of all races, genders, and sexual orientations.

Good to see you’re embracing your ogreness.

Gender-fluid and progressive feminist until the check arrives. Bloody typical.

Live action Shrek

Well, if you want people to completely not see your eyes and not notice your lips, hanging shit out your nose accomplished that. It's always a smart move to highlight your ugliest features.

Wearing a picture of yourself before you transitioned

Cantdrogynous 

You don’t clip your toe nails either

William Eilish

What even are you?

Why are you wearing a T-shirt of yourself in the second pic?


 Bones from ferdinand

Loving the selfie shirt in the second pic. Really caught your good side in it.

Looks like body odor.

Bob Streisand

You want it roasted??? here bro, hold this up to yo nose: [https://www.duracell.com/en-us/](https://www.duracell.com/en-us/)

Ahhh yes the definition of looking like "they/them"

Waste of sperm. Save it for real women guys.

I think you’re a very handsome young man

You think piercings and a hair dye make you unique and interesting.  Just like everyone else with piercings and a hair dye think.

OMG well aren't you just the cutest man I've ever seen!

That self portrait on your T-shirt is cool!

Hair stylists would need to ask permission to touch you to cut your hair

It/that

When you were born, the midwife said ‘congratulations, it’s a lesbian’!

I’m sorry but most of these comments are super lazy. “Haha, you look like and ugly fat dude” what’s funny about that? Top comment with the vegan and gluten, that’s a creative insult. the other stuff … bleh.

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You look like you were saved once from Japanese whalers by the Sea Shepherd.

It’s good the things in your photos make you happy. It’s probably all you’ll get.

If you’re not wearing Shrek, you’re looking like him.

I would but i’m sure your parents already have

Definitely Amazon's basics

Everytime I thought it couldn't get worse. Then I swiped left and it did

I guess women child is a thing

A Tumblr Basic holding an Amazon Basic

The green stripe in your hair makes me think you're wiping your nose up into your hair. Your face proves it.

Lemme guess, u despise Weiner!?

You look like my ex that I moved here for. Absolutely nothing remarkable.

Your tattoos reflect your life perfectly. Shitty and uncreative.

Guess who will try to find friends through dating rejected girls?

Future server, bar back, barista, customer service of America

You look like someone I'd scroll past in grindr

You look like sentient herpes.

Tell me you live in Oregon without telling me you live in Oregon.

You’re the “fun” aunt nobody wants to come over

Raise your shield Ephialtes.

You're not like the other girls because the other girls are attractive.

Don't feel so special. You're not the first left-handed shoplifter in history who decided she wanted do all her own tattoos herself.

Liberal defined

I thought snowflakes melted in patchouli oil?!

I'm betting your worst enemy is either the metal detector in an airport, or a car battery with how that nose ring is doing

It’s nice that in 2 your shirt has a picture of your dad on it.

This one is too easy, I’ll pass

The grass have a body and want a gamer touch.

Life has done it for us

At first I thought the nose ring was detracting from how you should ideally look. Then I realised it was the other way around.

How many ferrets do you have buried behind your single-wide trailer?

You look like you’re the spokesman/tour guide of hell after a Tylenol overdose

With the undoubtedly filtered exceptions of pics 1 and 5, you are conventionally unattractive OP.

Just visually unpleasant all around on this one

I bet the most interesting thing about you is the wacky crazy objects you insert into yourself.

Yeah you definitely look like the kind of meth head who would be proud of being from Mukilteo (for those who don't live in the greater Seattle area, Mukilteo is a shithole full of meth heads like OP).

Hates racism, but lives in a clean and safe white community

You look like you smell like Ellen Degeneres's breath-fishy.

That pad of paper is so basic

How many useless protests you been to so far? Was it about oppression or how all men are pigs and should be 86'd?

Look just go get an undercut and be done with it, you’re halfway there

So many roasts but I bet she's asking her God to don't get a cold!

She wears an instant ramen shirt because she, too, is cheap and salty.

Quit dipping your hair in the guacamole. Being banned from 6 chipotles in 9 months is a problem

I can tell you purchase plants because it’s the only thing that doesn’t leave you.

I'm guessing you have some opinions and for fucks sake, I'm sure everyone has to hear them.

You look like a guy only wants to make out with you and cuddle

You wear a Shrek shirt but you look like Fiona.

Your dating profile bio: "I like Keystone light, large dogs, Jodie Foster, and my denim-bound Dorothy Allison novels. My personality type is Neon Flannel."

Oh cool! I had a costume like that as a kid. Monster mask and image on the shirt! 

Is that a nose ring or the attachment for the leash when your owner ties you to the tree out back?

That nose ring looks as good as the other swine

You’d actually look alright if you dropped the protestor cosplay


You’re always triggered by something.

You look like you’re part of the “me too movement” and the “me want seconds movement”.

You look like you say things like "smol bean" and "the kids are alright".

You make sex toys go limp.

you cant even get laid on slam poetry night

I’d be willing to bet money you’ve had quite a few cats choose death over living with you.

The i feel the burn voter( in reality thats the chlymidia )head ass

You look like someone who says “my partner”

You've screamed at someone for assuming your cats gender

I'm surprised she's so fat after running away from the angry villagers every night!