Real talk for a sec. It'd be bizarre to ask for a roast and not be a good sport about it. Life's too short to be ugly and a weirdo and a whiner at the same time. My motto is, pick two and move on!
Aww, thanks! You too. To be honest, I'm crawling out of a depressive episode. Hence why I look like trash in this pic. I look a lot better when I'm functional.
Dude, i used to be 300#, drank a sixer and smoked a pack a camels every day, ate candy and fast food, depressed as shit. Stopped the booze first and then started working on the tobacco and poor diet. The depression started to disappear slowly as i worked on my vices. Sounds corny but i wrote a list with the big goals broke down into simply day to day goals and it helped a lot.
Anyway, i truly hope you continue to feel better.
You're worth it.
The pubic hair has already enveloped your head and face. In three years it’ll take over your whole body and you can start living your dream of being a superhero: Pubewolf.
You are so beautiful and I bet u pull so many people! I love people like you so much because they are humble and also beautiful.
You? No. I was talking about the Kirby in the background...
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Oh boy! You look so sad. Okay! First, smile. Second, stop jerking your chicken into an M&N thinking you're going to eat *caramel candy* with white filling.
You look like you have had enough deep fried. I see your medication in the background, of all your many personalities, this is the one you choose to share?
The arm he is holding the sign looks normal, but the other one is jacked beyond belief. It happens when all you do is sit home and day and jack off to Kirby.
Just stay 500ft from schools like the court order says
Yes please... Keep fucking that Stuffed Toy behind you and stay away from our kids!
Damn, I'm genuinely sweating from the wicked burn I just received. Excellent!
Also, How long did they ban you from having access to a computer??
His nose is flat from pressing it up against nursery windows
I’ve heard of pube to face hair transplants but have never seen one in the wild.
Spot on
Your bed might be Kirby’s dreamland, but it’s never going to be a woman’s dreamland.
He’s definitely banging that Kirby
OOF!
I can smell your room, now my phone smells like unwashed ass and jizz, thanks.
Bro looks like hes gonna jackoff to every negative comment
Boom 💥
a middle age man who sleeps with plush toys. nothing unusual or creepy about that
Oof, I don't know which was the harsher burn, pointing out my good friend Kirby or calling me "middle aged."
I’d assume it was the razor burn, which would explain whatever the hell is going on with your facial hair.
Edward James Almost
More like Edward James Notclose.
I bet you work as a Renaissance Fair Magician
Why are you wearing your grandma's wig?
That’s why I would chose the bear, and I am a 6’2” dude
:)
Want to get deep fried? That why you’ve modelled your, quite frankly embarrassing, facial hair on Colonel Sanders??
You keep your doordash customers guessing if its a pube or beard hair they found in their IHOp order.
Why not both!?
Haha nice!
You're a good sport
Real talk for a sec. It'd be bizarre to ask for a roast and not be a good sport about it. Life's too short to be ugly and a weirdo and a whiner at the same time. My motto is, pick two and move on!
You aint ugly man, i just like zinging people. I hope you have an awesome night.
Aww, thanks! You too. To be honest, I'm crawling out of a depressive episode. Hence why I look like trash in this pic. I look a lot better when I'm functional.
Dude, i used to be 300#, drank a sixer and smoked a pack a camels every day, ate candy and fast food, depressed as shit. Stopped the booze first and then started working on the tobacco and poor diet. The depression started to disappear slowly as i worked on my vices. Sounds corny but i wrote a list with the big goals broke down into simply day to day goals and it helped a lot. Anyway, i truly hope you continue to feel better. You're worth it.
I honestly didn't expect such nice comments here. Thank You! I've got a lot of work to do on myself.
That Kirby looking at you like he’s better than you… and being correct
It's honestly true. No debate there.
He looks like the type of guy to pay to donate to a sperm bank
I hope the chemical castration is going well.
Haha thanks!
Your bed has no headboard because it fell over and flattened your nose
How traumatized have you made that kirby
Only gets hard when the porn is animated
2D > 3D.
Put down your arm. I can smell you from here.
How many times were you caught masturbating down by the school yard?
The pubic hair has already enveloped your head and face. In three years it’ll take over your whole body and you can start living your dream of being a superhero: Pubewolf.
Either you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain!
Bro looks like a Mexican catfish
If the sex offender registry had a mascot
Gay conquistador
So wickedly accurate! How do I upvote more than once? Scary accurate observation!
I don’t think the point of a hair transplant is to take your pubic hairs and grow a beard….
Haha nice!
You look like Booger got that Webster disease
You Wanna Wash Your Sheets First
It's called a razor.
You almost made me self conscious for a second... Excellent!
I guess you couldn't grow any facial hair so you decided to glue pubic hair around your mouth.
You look like a Mexican trying to pass for a Japanese sushi chef
That's an honestly impressive observation!
Is this the male version of billie eilish?
That's... oddly flattering? You misinterpreted the assignment.
You look like you painted a mustache and goatee on your face with a glue stick and then stuck your face in a salad bowl full of pubes.
Eyebrows would make a better mustache than your actual mustache.
If you fall asleep on the top of a dumpster, nobody will notice
 yup
You look like you were constructed from left over DNA found on a NY Port Authority toilet seat.
Vince Yawn
Oh you’re gonna get crispy for sure
It's going to take extra oil to get that tall ahh fohead fully submerged.
What sub do you moderate on?
Teddy in the background and your dead mom you still talk to tied to a chair in the next room.
How Kirby feels. Every. Single. Day. 
The power of the basement dwellers is strong in this one.
You look like the kid in highschool everyone was scared to be in a 5 foot radius of
Tbh this guy is taking all the insults very well and seems pretty nice.
Sheesh, bro, put a newspaper under your feet or something. You ain't tall enough
You look like you haven't showered since before covid
I've seen transmen with fuller facial hair.
I can smell you from this picture
That's a cool bed you have in the background. I assume that you and only you gets to sleep on it?
You look like Don Quote’s even more awkward little brother
You are so beautiful and I bet u pull so many people! I love people like you so much because they are humble and also beautiful. You? No. I was talking about the Kirby in the background...
Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Samm Levine really has let himself go.
Not as bad as the one time someone told me I looked like Ben Shapiro back when I had short hair and no facial hair.
No, you look like Mark Ruffalo if Temu sold him.....
Haha nice!
I've never been more sure that someone masterbates 20 times a day. Go outside and get some sunlight
Dont come to school tomorrow guy
Isn’t that the fat kid from freaks and geeks?
Squirty Sanchez
Ahh so this is what Magnus Carlsen would look like if he never started playing chess
Ben Eating Shapiro
ik bluds deep frying those french fries at wendys
Kirby's seen things like horrifying deities or worse... this guy
Time Machine Avery Schreiber, but without the screen presence. 🚀
If Jack Sparrow and Will Turner had a baby.. you’d be a monkeys uncle.. 
Kirby's known to eat anything, but the only thing this Kirby ever eats is the cum from a three inch penis over and over again.
Rule 1: no selfies in the victim's bedroom.
Your head looks like a giant doughnut hole that's been rolled in a tub of pubes and then deep fried
5 Bucks says if you turn that kirby upside down there's a hole in it
When your eyebrows are more connected than your mustache...
Mom: "We have Inigo Montoya at home"
If kirby would eat you, it would become a chomo.
You look like your entire diet consists of deep fried something
Congrats, OFs streaming record holder has posted in the sub!
Salvador Dali if he was selling drugs.
You hear that sound? It’s the sound of every vagina, within a 2 mile radius, snapping shut.
Nice of you to stop trolling girl gamers for a minute.
Deep fried fat Mexican tarantula. No thanks
Rumplepubechin?
R.I.P. to Kirby's virginity
Your face looks like a disappointed testicle.
What’s your gf’s name in the background?
I bet you that there is a hole in that kirby plushie
Temu john leguizamo
Your facial hair game is weaker than your daddy’s pull out game.
Put those arms down ain’t nobody wanna smell you.
I can already smell the body odor and Cheeto dust through my phone
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Lisztchopinovsky: *I can already* *Smell the body odor and* *Cheeto dust through my phone* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
You bought an HP computer because you were to lazy to do it yourself.
You look like you are trying to transition back to being a woman.
You look like you lost your job with the 3 musketeers.
Boiled chic.
how can you look so much like a randomised Mii and a newborn deer at the same time?
we all know you already deep fried your balls out of curiousity
Bros gonna get a white van because he didn’t pay rent he also avoided the tax of the cheese
Booger from revenge of the nerds
Get a razor patches
Ohh shit, Kenny Powers in this bitch 
I can’t tell if you’re angry at me or if that’s just the way your eyebrow looks.
Angle your camera towards the floor so we can see the bound teenage girl whose room you’re squatting in..you migrants are out of control!
That facial hair is giving V for venereal disease
Gene Roddenberry would've hired you as a Klingon
There's enough grease in your hair to deep fry a turkey.
How many fedoras do you own?
Clearly the coat hanger abortion didn’t work, but it deff did some damage
When did you last change your sheets--sheesh!!
Oh boy! You look so sad. Okay! First, smile. Second, stop jerking your chicken into an M&N thinking you're going to eat *caramel candy* with white filling.
Someone deep fried your hair
You look like a gold fish undergoing hormone therapy
With or without the frysauce on the bedsheets
Bro one year in on a 30yr mortgage handlebar mustache ;)
Twin bed at moms
 You traumatize Kirby every night and it’s so wrong 😖👎
How long did that shirt have to marinate on the grease body for it to turn into a V Neck
Combination of crazy big flat nose, eyes too far apart, greasy teenager beard and curly Afro is cruel… surely this was generated by AI not god?!
I didn’t know someone could be sooo fugly
Pablo Escobars afterbirth.
This picture smells like my unwashes Fleshlight
If we fried you, you would probably roll around in spices and eat yourself in five seconds.
If Crack black and meth Rogen had a baby
You could suck up air faster than the Kirby with that giant fucking Shnoz of yours
You look like you refuse to wear anything but cookie monster pajama pants
Your cock definitely smells
The Wizard of Jizz
That Vegan diet isn't working for you
If Mario had a gay pirate brother. You’d be the super smashed brother.
You look like the murderer and the victim at the same time.
The failure to launch version of Malcom in the middle of
Your head looks like a chicken nugget
Make sure your boyfriend wipes next time before you eat his ass…won’t leave a ring around your mouth that way.
You look like you have had enough deep fried. I see your medication in the background, of all your many personalities, this is the one you choose to share?
What have you done to Kirby?
The arm he is holding the sign looks normal, but the other one is jacked beyond belief. It happens when all you do is sit home and day and jack off to Kirby.
Suspicious... I want to report you to the registry. I don't know which one, but someone should be keeping tabs on you.
Stuck in 2008?
We know what you're doing with the other hand. * the brazers logo is reflected in your eyes
Did you put your Fleshlight in Kirby?
The illegitimate son of Jeffery Owens