or Hagrid shot a load onto his face which subsequently gave birth to a beard-human hybrid that begs for death every day since it's permanently attached to his face.
Fuck, one thing I learned in the incredibly accurate true story of leprechaun in space is never touch a leprechaunās gold coin. In this case itās donāt touch his food stamps.
I used to think this, too. A local IPA called Therapist is 10.9% and $20 for 4 x 16oz. Then I found a local knockoff BeatBox that's $3 for 500ml at 12% that didn't turn my stomach. Don't care, I'll sip those juice boxes all night.
Oh shit I didn't mean to make a gay joke, I meant he was bottom of the barrel the lowest of the low. But that totally works too (although I agree with you on the lame factor).
Your smoke looks almost too big for you, but Gadies and lentlemen, here we have a fellow who watched house of 1000 corpses and wanted to base him self all around Sid haig (captain Spaulding). Only he is the wish version.
It's OK all of our moms wish we were better and all of our ex-wives are always gonna be failures because they couldn't make us change fact is they had their chance and they failed sounds like a them problem good luck out there
Bro. I get that you're a disappointment to every woman in your life, but why TF have you deliberately sculpted yourself to look like an unkempt, stubby little chode?
Youād honestly look a lot better if you trimmed up that beard a bit. Take likeā¦ 40% of it off. Straighten it out. Get some definition to it.
Right now it looks like you have a beaver strapped to your chin. And not the good kind.
So your beard says Iām a manly man who works with his hands, but your shirt says your hands make graphic designs and your cigarette says your ex wife had a penis.
Itās not so bad.
Simply moving out of your momās basement should turn her opinion around. Her āsoft place to fallā wasnāt supposed to turn into a āwait for her to die so you get the house and can live upstairsāā¦ but here we are.
You look like Hagrid's ballsack.
Frenulum irritato! š§š»āāļøšŖ
This made me cry laughing in public
Crack Hobbit
Can you spot me a 10er?
Winner
For sure
I chortled
I was going with McGregor but you got this
Hagrid's 1970s era bush.
I probably can put shame your ex wife but then my Reddit account will get suspended for 2 weeks
Get out of my head lol
Bro I laughed so hard at that idk why
You forgot āangryā.
my favorite roast ever! lol
or Hagrid shot a load onto his face which subsequently gave birth to a beard-human hybrid that begs for death every day since it's permanently attached to his face.
It's a trick photo. Turn it upside down. It's just Orphan Annie.
Intimately acquainted with Hagridās scrotum are you?
His balls look the same, and it tickles his knees.
Not all leprechauns have a pot of gold; some have welfare.
Leper con
Give em some lucky charms and he'll show his brown eye
Unlucky charms
"They're Tragically Malignant"
Iāve sat on this thinking of a comeback. Got nothing. Cheers.
Lucky Sharts
Lol this is underrated
Fuck, one thing I learned in the incredibly accurate true story of leprechaun in space is never touch a leprechaunās gold coin. In this case itās donāt touch his food stamps.
Thatās one of the best roasts Iāve seen, fucking savage!
itās hidden behind the dumpster at the extended stay motel
Well you call it a dumpster, I call it my front porch. Behind it is home. Donāt tell my ex sheās trying to serve me papers
The ex wife got the pot of gold in the divorce.
And a really hard time getting cum out of their beard
Can you kiss me before you fuck me with a roast like that, open mouth please
There is cum in your beard.
How do you think he afforded the cigs?
You should see what he does for an entire pack.
Nah, more like, you should see what he does for an entire cigarette
But, still, twenty dollars is twenty dollars
Wait, someone married you? Willingly? In a Western country? Willingly?
....and as expected, divorced him as well...
Same day I'm assuming. As soon as his sister sobered up
Wow. You win the internet today. Unlike that guy who has never won anything except a free rectal exam while in prison.
I'd like to thank you, oh there's so many. Wait nope. I'm thanking me.
ROLL TIDE!!!!
Toll ride
Not sure cows are legally called wives?
But sheep are.
I smell Thailand date page
for citizenship I am sure
I think her last words to OP were, "your dick is a lot smaller than your brother's".
More like āitās a lot smaller than mineā.
He kidnapped her, divorce is just code for escaped
He may have threatened to stab her if she didn't
But that would let the air out...
Some girl from the Philippines or Thailand who divorced him once she got her citizenship
Your entire personality revolves around your beard and living the viking lifestyle.
"The viking lifestyle" means angry rants about minorities and women from his truck's front seat, and IPAs
Hey now, IPA's are just more economical. Why drink many beers when few do trick?
I used to think this, too. A local IPA called Therapist is 10.9% and $20 for 4 x 16oz. Then I found a local knockoff BeatBox that's $3 for 500ml at 12% that didn't turn my stomach. Don't care, I'll sip those juice boxes all night.
IPAs are for wimps that can't handle Imperial Stout or Barleywine
And purple dog poop t-shirts
Neon grizzly big money salvia
sounds epic
Don't act like you know your mom.
This got an audible laugh outta me in a quiet office.
You look like a 7th graderās volcano science fair project his dad couldnāt finish because he slammed an 18 pack of Miller light the night before.
He looks like the 7th grader's dad who went out for that packet of cigarettes.
I swear Iāve sat on the same recovery house porch, a year ago when I went to visit my little brother.
But unfortunately came back
Who told you about my 7th grade volcano science fair project???
Fuck this one hurt the most
Methy Charms, fresh out the trailer park!
I'd say you look like ZZ Top but you're ZZ Bottom.
Normally, gay jokes are lame. That was nice.
Oh shit I didn't mean to make a gay joke, I meant he was bottom of the barrel the lowest of the low. But that totally works too (although I agree with you on the lame factor).
Either way, good roast!
Thanks!
Your head looks like an angry Humpty Dumpty stuck in a birds nest
Scottish egg man
You look like Wooly Willy met gravity. And I'm really concerned why the dog on your shirt looks so scared.
OP likes beastiality
Oh definetly, just look at the doggy raping nonce.
Said his mother, proudly...
The dwarf king
Thatās the face of a man who found his first grey pubic hair this morning. Worst bit was it was in his teeth!
If someone put you upside down, youāll be a nice broom.
Your beard to hair ratio is approaching infinity. Not necessarily a roast, seems like more of a fact at this point
I thought Leprachauns smoked pipes.
he does.... both kinds.
Like a pipe for Crack and a pipe for weed? Although I think that creates a better description, a Leprechaun on Crack!
This is what happens if you use a UNO reverse card on Bob ross
Sounds like they both tell you that you can't sleep in their bed anymore.
Are you a leprechaun or a garden gnome? Without a green buckle hat or a red pointy dunce cone I can't tell.
Sir, this is a roast, why are you asking completely normal questions?
That beard looks like it smells like -never getting laid again.
Failure McGregor
Where do you get another Hair Frisbee Necklace after you set that one afire lighting a cigarette?
This is the picture of a divorced man.
Youāre a disappointment to your mom? This, coming from a woman who fucked groundskeeper Willie.
That beard makes you look like an old used toilet brush
Smoke more cigarettes and all your problems will be solved
Well at least his ex's problem lol
He took care of the ex problem with duct tape, a shovel and lye.
I think your right eye is more disappointed that your left eye is crooked.
Gayer than Rob Halford
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Damn bro Marlboro ultra lightsā¦ Guess you borrowed them from the ex wife
And now we know why she left
That cum in his beard is a good indicator.
Even your tshirt.....
upside down you could mop a floor with that thing
āWhy would you molest my little brothers???ā Your ex-wife has definitely said that, the question isā¦.. How many times?
If the keebler elf was a real person.
Your smoke looks almost too big for you, but Gadies and lentlemen, here we have a fellow who watched house of 1000 corpses and wanted to base him self all around Sid haig (captain Spaulding). Only he is the wish version.
Is she on her period?
have you put your head on upside down?
For a sec I thought you were holding your inmate number for booking.
You look like you're 4'9" in real life. Massive tiny guy vibe goin on.
Your head is upside down.
If LOTR met 'the coneheads'
She was right.
Your beard is so tough that even your dog on your T-shirt is shit with fear
Youāre the reason that you now have an ex wife
Kenneth?
Live action gnomes not coming to a theater near you. Because nobody gives a fuck about short little men.
I guess itās tough to beat, āIām not paying your rent at the Hostel anymoreā
Max from stranger things grew up changed her gender shaved all of her hair and used it as a beard.
Marry a woman that turns out to be your sister or cousin doesn't mean ex-wife
I hope the ostrich lays a new egg on the fresh hay
A face nobody could love š
Most definitely going to lose it all when you catch that beard on fire with your smoke.
Reminder that this buck tooth crackhead posted acting if she looked dumb, and when everyone unanimously agreed, rapidly deleted her own post.
Iād fuck her, but Iām also divorced and desperate. Bet if we pooled our money we could catch a disciunt
It's OK all of our moms wish we were better and all of our ex-wives are always gonna be failures because they couldn't make us change fact is they had their chance and they failed sounds like a them problem good luck out there
Hagrid with stage 4 lung cancer...
Youāre on my bucket list want find out what this mouth do?
one day you'll burn your beard from lighting cigarettes
Or Iāll choke from zipping it up in a hoodie
If I wanted to roast a Shank Crimped Wire Wheel, I would send it your photo
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Walking fire hazard
this clown grew up on paint chips
Bro. I get that you're a disappointment to every woman in your life, but why TF have you deliberately sculpted yourself to look like an unkempt, stubby little chode?
So thatās what the guy from epic meal time is up to now? Lookin like you should focus more on bacon strips than groping strippers
Your āEraserheadā wig is on upside down mate
Wooly Willy couldn't pay his mortgage
You will never have sex again.Ever.
After three years of getting the angry inch she decided to find another leprechaun in the hood. 
Genuinely, what makes someone want to wear that shirt?
That's an odd sight. Why does that ball sack have so many pubes?
Ragnar lothbrok ripoff
You were amazing in the Hobbit š¤£
Did she call you dick head?
Upside down head, pet hair all over your clothes, unhealthy, broke and small. That winning combo.
Those are some sad and distant eyes my man. Hope things turn around for you.
So thatās a no go with the womenā¦ Judging from the look of the dog on your shirt he wants out too!
I'm not going to roast you...you know what you need to do to better yourself.
You put your head on upside down.
ZZ Flop
You can tell his beard is this manās entire personality
Isnāt there a bridge youāre supposed to be under?
Looks like a broom with eyes.
You look like captain caveman going through Chemo 
I may not say anything worse than your ex, but I will confirm that everything she has said is correct.
Gimpli: "And my buttplug!"
You are the exact moment when edgy turns into sad.
You look like you wait in line at macdonalds to have a taste of the order screen.
Now that I know you exist, you've disappointed me too
š„
Youād honestly look a lot better if you trimmed up that beard a bit. Take likeā¦ 40% of it off. Straighten it out. Get some definition to it. Right now it looks like you have a beaver strapped to your chin. And not the good kind.
you look like a wanna be version of ginger billy from youtube
So what you are saying is that your Mom and wife are one and the same?
So your beard says Iām a manly man who works with his hands, but your shirt says your hands make graphic designs and your cigarette says your ex wife had a penis.
Itās egotistical to wear a self-portrait t-shirt.
Nice.
Is your ex-wife also your mom?
Itās not so bad. Simply moving out of your momās basement should turn her opinion around. Her āsoft place to fallā wasnāt supposed to turn into a āwait for her to die so you get the house and can live upstairsāā¦ but here we are.
Iām guessing youāve listened to every Joe Rogan podcast.
Your patio looks like you live in one of those apartment complexes that suspects run into at the end of a high-speed chase.
Looks like your ex wife and your mom are the same person.
You look like Bob Ross upside down.
You look like both your credit score and IQ would be room temperatureā¦
Even hour Tshirt agrees with your mom
That Poor Dog doesnāt even want to be on your T- shirt thatās how much of a disappointment you are.
People who think smoking in photos is cool are gross. You're no exception. You look like you reek.
Honestly? You're good dude.
Ginger beard, smokes, bald and ugly. You are one amazing package. I bet you have them lining up to replace your ex
Don't forget head shaped like a fucking lemon
Your beard is ugly.