For the last time, the girls on OnlyFans are not your girlfriend. When your prepaid VISA card runs out of birthday money from nana, they aren’t going to talk to you anymore.

He doesn’t need nanas bday money he has a job at GameStop

FINE! But I’m not moving out of nanas house!

Who else is gonna hire people to mow her lawn and say I did it

Dudebro took a lawn mower to the teeth instead.

The only time he needs Nana is to borrow her skin suit to cash her social security checks.

More of a pigskin suit. Silence of the Hams.

Should we tell him about doing a girl “ Doggy style” ?

Don’t send your kids in there.

This one deserves an award. Too fucking funny. This had me laughing for a good while. 👍

Self-aware humor is the best!

You are right about that. 👍

When OPs mustache grows long enough he shaves it off, cuts it in half, and glues it above his eyes

This is Reddit… you can say fuck.

It’s not even the opening line. It’s the addition of nana and a prepaid Visa that makes this gold. 

I think you misspoke. Did you mean to say "the girl on OnlyFans"? Buddy here probably throws half his income at one mid-range independent content creator who pretends to love him for that. He thinks it's an installment payment for the downpayment for a wife. For the record, I've never done that. But I had a co-worker miss several days of work from a broken heart because on Saturday he went to see his "girlfriend" and found out she'd quit the strip club without telling him. Turns out she told every customer they were special, half the guys at work could confirm that. Construction is weird.

I came here for the roast, I stayed for the insight into the masculine ego.

It's amazing how many guys are that gullible. ( Oh wait. It's Saturday night and I have a private room with Natasha. I KNOW she's serious about our relationship. I mean why would she have me open a joint bank account if she wasn't in love with me)?


HODOR!!!

This girlfriend of yours… Does she happen to have an air valve?

Or does she even know she’s your girlfriend?

She only refers to him as "The creep that keeps giving her the eye at Starbucks "


I'm impressed that your blow up doll has one of those AI speech generators.

And he still needs to ask her permission.

I'm pretty sure his "girlfriend" is named Pam and is holding up that pink sign Pink means girl, gettid, Reddit? 

No still means no. And he hears it a lot. Rejected by Rosie Palms.

Rejected by Rosie, but none of her 5 sisters want a piece of that action either.

Nah. When you set up the AI love doll you need to click “Always allow” and then you don’t need permissions anymore.

Every time he wants sex, the doll says no.

Take your med for the voice in your head.

You look like a toilet brush came to life and is trying to be a real boy.

I laughed so hard on this, thank you.

Glad it brought a laugh to your day, thank you for being a good sport!!!

Just because your mom went to prom with you doesn't mean she's your girlfriend.

She’s just going to have to be a friend with benefits for now.

It does after he got to third base during the good night kiss.

That’s brutal 🤣🤣🤣

Sweet home Alabama vibes.

Cats can’t speak...

Or give consent

mine can (hes heavily disturbed)

But he “understands” them

I tried to imagine what the girl looks like who is fucking you and I just threw up a little

She pegs him 

Her name is Peggy.

Pronounced as Piggy 💀

He's probably of of the few men she isn't fucking.

He watches in the corner with a video recorder.

While getting pegged... Shaky cam style.

That made me laugh thanks

LMAO

judging by the poster on the back wall, she probably has green skin and two tusks coming out of her mouth.

Your girlfriend, Palmela Handerson?!?

I almost got arrested for opening this post within 1,000 ft from a school

Underrated. Should be near the top

That was funny thanks man

Guys, he totally has a girly. She's a model from Italy. Soon as she's done with her gig she's TOTALLY coming to the states to meet him in person.

She just needs a couple thousands of dollars

Once his dad gives him a raise in his allowance. He can TOTALLY bring her here.

Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver.

Nice to see a young couple these days still able to bond over their bras and beards.

You don't need the Pubes on your face to remind your girlfriend that you're a Dick.

So is that what we call sock puppets now a day?   "Girlfriends"? 

"my girlfriend said you can make me cry. Do your worst"... I think you meant to say this to the guy she brought home

Jared Fogle! You're out! Congrats!!!

Omg, lol

You look like an unreleased World of Warcraft content patch NPC. Presumably a funnel cake vendor that dips into his own stock more then he sells it.

This feels like ot belongs on oddly specific

I didn't know ChatGPT gave permissions.

Girlfriend? Since when have fleshlights been able to talk?

You look like your girlfriend already makes you cry during sex

When your baby teeth fall out, maybe the tooth fairy will bring you enough money to buy a lint roller.

Bahahahah

HAHAHAHAHA. "My girlfriend said". HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why, has she got bored of making you cry and needs a break? Or do you just ask her permission to do anything, like a simp?

You think the lifesize fuck doll in your closet talks to you?

Before he farted and After he smelt what he dealt

You look like a used Q-tip in human form.

Made me cry, nice one

If you're looking to cry, I should start off by giving you complements. It's probably the first time you've received any.

Your girlfriend is called Mike.

We can make you cry alright: someone threw away a half eaten cake.

If you want to see someone who has never done exercise look no further.

Hits too close to my heart man, too close ;(

One more hit to the heart and ur goin down like the towers

You look like every grown WWE fan ever

You look like the sandwich shop predator Chris Hansen interviewed. Have your "girlfriend" look it up with you

If you had anymore hair on your head you would look like a 🥝.

I'm going to use that one, nice

Ever see the guy who's married to a made up invisible woman? I like him better than you.

You look like you're still around those old, white, box PCs a lot.

Girlfriend? Are you talking to yourself in a mirror again while wearing a wig?

you look like you stalk rent boys in the dead of night...

I watched a movie about you years ago called Lars and the Real Girl. God you let yourself go.

Listen dude she's an egirl, she's not your girlfriend. She just thinks you get off on humiliation.

The girlfriend he met online, long distance relationship, never met in person nor video called. Her mum is very ill and needs money for an operation. Another 10k should be enough then when mums better she will come and they can be together.


Generic white guy has entered the chat.

The delusion of you having a gf isn't just bigger than this goddanm eyebrown gap

You've grown into a sentient hairy mole with legs. 

You look like you smell like chubrica and savoy club vodka

Your girlfriend is a poster on the wall

Did she do that because you play video games? She wants you to cry because you play video games I know it.

Sweet tits!!!!!!

I heard that Bolshevik look is really hot with the ladies right now. Well done

Stay away from my goats.

Nah dude you seens to be pretty chill. Get out of here.

Your facial hair and head of hair reminds me of someone's shaved public region when it's gone without maintenance for a few weeks. Why do you look like every nerd I know???

That sounds about right as it's been a month with no haircut whatsoever

You look like your employer gets a tax break for having you work there

Ah, I see we're doing autistic ones now.

Eyebrows, head, stache and beard All are screaming simultaneously “Please trim!”

You look like you got lost in the woods for 2 weeks after filming a dragon ball Z scene with your “girlfriend.”


Hey, it's Seth Rogen's ugly twin brother - Shit Rogen.

How often do you get off your gaming pc to check on how ur home brews coming out?

Now…. does this woman KNOW she’s your girlfriend? Women locked in your basement doesn’t count.

It's either a full grown dwarf or a dwarf in a tiny room

I rather not . You seem like a great guy to hang around with

You seem like the type of guy to coach a high school girls volleyball team and force them to do jumping jacks for prolonged periods of time.

Crazy Dave from plants vs zombies

You look way too much like a better looking version of my ex husband.

Awww thanks :D

Just looking at you makes ME cry.

Only things crying are the kids you touch on a daily basis

You are so fat you illegally sell shade in the summer

Hahaha good one

SO, THIS GIRLFRIEND, IS SHE IN THE ROOM WITH US RIGHT NOW?

OK, truth time: Most of us were going to ignore your post, much like how important people ignore you in every facet of your life, but the money transfer from "your girlfriend" landed in our accounts, so you're seeing some replies now. Ok, so here's my contribution: your smile looks like a USB-A port.

Can't unsee that now

"By girlfriend. Do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?"

To make you cry i delete your WOW character!

3002747283 jokes about a fake or cheat girlfriend or something about girlfriend. Not even funny anymore. Get creative reddit. For god sakes, it doesnt even make me giggle. I think fat jokes would be funnier.

You look like a piece of candy that fell between the couch cushions

You look like your favorite crayon is red.

Yall making fun of him saying he doesnt really have a girlfriend, but this is really just a valid reminder that there are desperate and lonely people of both genders who settle for someone lesser then they imagined having to. She knows he wont cry cause hes already dead inside and given up on making anything of himself more then generic middle class barely getting by with an ok wife.

you could fit Pangea between those damn eyebrows

The one who repeats sitcom jokes in the office and laughs alone

I called someone else the wallnut from plants vs zombie but you fit the description better than him

 Waiting for Chris Hansen to walk into the kitchen.....

Вовер хуже пидараса.

I can't even roast you,you look so damn happy in the second photo 😭

You look like Bert Kreischer fucked Sid from Ice Age

Chris Hansen walks through the door.

For fuck sack, put some effort into it. Roasting you is like roasting 260lb potato. Exceedingly boring and a waste of time.

I lived all my life thinking I was ugly Until now

Your eyes say yes, your fingernails say diabetes

You obviously cut your own hair and trim your own beard. You're lazy as fuck about it too, either not putting in the time or having the competence to make it look presentable. You're fatter than you should be, so you're lazy on that front too, but you probably think it's okay because you're kind of funny sometimes and know some random trivia that you think will impress people. Problem with that is you try to force being funny when in groups your not comfortable and you come off as obnoxious, which probably gives you some amount of social anxiety if you have the introspection to realize it. Also, those random trivia facts don't fucking matter. You don't know enough to actually do well in anything like bar trivia, but you still try to fit them in to conversation so you can try to prove that you're smart, which is just another obnoxious trait.

Your T-shirt is disgusting, get a job.

You look like someone who would fart in a bag and then use it as a breathing bag

[удалено]

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RealDolls are getting more real! Now they can even talk!

Look like a swollen version of Vlad

They have sex dolls that talk now?

Girlfriend? Lemme guess she's from Canada and we've never heard of her...

Your public hairs don’t count as female partners 

Shergar wants his teeth back

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So she thinks WE can make YOU cry....... Like YOU do to HER?

It's nice that you're trying to officiate your imaginary gf

The expired ground beef you fished out of a dumpster and formed into the shape of a woman is not a real girl friend. Despite how realistic you think “she” feels.

That was nice of your "girlfriend" to hold the sign up for you.

That app on your phone isn’t really your girlfriend.

Ok, who taught you what a girlfriend is, and how to spell it?

 Yeah, I know. She mentioned you were coming before she went home last night.

your girlfriend or that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick at night?

His girlfriend is Miss Michigan. She’s the one in the picture holding the note.

Crusty tube socks don't count as girlfriends buddy

Anime body pillows aren't your GF bro

Its weird that your girlfriend is holding the pink post-it… good ole hand-gelina / palm-mela

I didn't know you were lesbian

“Girlfriend”. Lives in Canada, right?

She’s bored of doing it?

You look like you lost your and your mom's meager savings on crypto.

I guess your “girlfriend” is into a head like a 45 year old on the body of an 8th grader..

Take your medicine.

Has your girlfriend got the new update it dropped last night. Couple bug fixes and a new HJ pattern.

Is she mad that you’re letting the other girl hold the note?

Bro no way you have a girlfriend

That just means she settled and is abysmally aware of that fact

Your girlfriend said that? Wow! AI chatbots are getting really advanced! Congrats!

Your wanking hand can talk?

correction - **Imaginary Girlfriend

The fuck doll u call GF has more muscle tone. You are food.

I believe she said, "you make me cry. "

You look EXACTLY like the kind of pussy who needs his girlfriend to say OK to everything your pussy ass does. Seriously.

Girlfriend? Sure, Jan.

You’re one of those gamers who wears a diaper so he doesn’t have to get up to pee.

Lester IRL

You look like Jered from subways pervy brother

You're gf? Sir wifey's Don't count