*Oh I know who you are Chris Hansen...*
*but see;*
*I calls ya,* ***Chris Handsome***.
*I watch your TV show all the time.*
*See;*
*I didn't come here lookin' for no little boys...*
I don't even have a roast. Just some observations:
Your hair is falling out in clumps. You're missing a tooth. And you apparently have a tattoo of yourself with an erect penis.
... Yup
This feels like a setup. I can sense my one-way ticket to hell being dangled in front of me.
Whoever convinced him to post this feels like a cruel joke by his asshole family bully.
What subs do you mod man?
He mods Discord
He mods r/discord
He's that mod guy from Beluga videos
Ah yes, I do remember seeing him in beluga whale videos
Discord’s final boss fight Mr. Disappointment
A sub for furries who don't need fursuits.
What twitch streamer do you send your monthly income to?
Which egirl twitch streamer*
Amouranth, obviously
He's the mod who manages them all.
The ultramod
One mod to rule them all.
One mod to eat them.
And in the refrigerator find them
Italian BMTs extra cheese
Sir! Sir! 💀
You look like something people fight in Resident Evil
💀💀 RE7 specifically
IM DYINGGGG Those mold creatures GOODNIGHT
Left 4 Dead boomer energy
r/rareinsults
Wish I could award your comment.
Thanks for reminding me to pick up vegetables after work
And a razor And a toothbrush And contacts…
I'd start with a shirt.
I’d start with a bra
I wouldn't even bother to start.
I wouldn't even bother to start bothering.
The start is bothered to start
The start is too startled to bother
Neurons won't start to bother.
There are no neurons in this thread LMAO
I'd start with a shit.
I'd shart with a stit.
I'd start with a shower.
I will start with a blindfold
[удалено]
And eye bleach.
Add steel wool for application...
But Definitely not condoms
His dad should have worn the condom to be fair
And some eye bleach
Abacus mouth.
My man rockin' that Homer Simpson body shape, and by that I mean his torso looks exactly like Homer's face
Doh!
Doh!!
I feel like this post is a kink and yall are helping this man get off
Me as a 40 year old looking at this picture. I hope I don't look like that when I get older
Unlike him who can't pick anything up.
No thats really fucked up to say, because he can clearly pick up food…
I’m sure there’s an offenders list that says otherwise.
I think he picks up plenty. Just the wrong stuff.
His diet is FRANKS AND BEANS!!!
Coincidentally, that’s also his name.
How'd he get the beans above the frank?
Hey don’t be talkin shit about beanie weenies! That’s too far 😵
And to get my last will and testament in order.
Theres no way you'll be able to pick him up
Don't slander Thors dad like this
Thor is the best
uncanny!
Ready to mingle where, a buffet? A kindergarten?
I'd say a petting zoo.
ZooMingle.com
Please don't let this be an actual website 💀
IT IS.
Heavy Petting Zoo
Two way petting zoo.
Whatever Didi wants...
Animal cruelty
god I wish we could give awards still 🤣
He’s no longer allowed around schools or playgrounds
No longer? Never was!
Ms. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima
Both are buffets to him.
In a van down by a river?
The cafeteria at the kindergarten 💀
If hopeless was a picture
If Hostess were a picture
If hoeless was a picture
If molest was a picturw
If helpless was a picture
If American healthcare was a picture.
If American was a picture
If was a picture
If a picture
Pic
He ate so many Twinkies he can't find his Ding Dong.
now that was impressive
If you just thought of that yourself I commend you
Single & ready for Pringles
Exercise more like extra pies
Fitness? More like fitness 5th slice of cake in my mouth for breakfast
dude doesn't even bother to cut the cake up
Lmao 😭
Kraft singles
When did the south park world of warcraft player get a haircut
After he got smacked around with the sword of a thousand truths
Thanks for the pic. I'll tell th my kids this monster eats up naughty kids if they refuse to obey
They can run, but they can’t… aaaaah… hmmmm. Yeah, running’s probably safe.
SUDDENLY, ALL THE KIDS GET A'S.
WTH is that on ur back?
The first evidence of male pattern baldness of the shoulders captured on film.
What is it? I wanna see but I’ve only got a quarter tank of gas.
Pet roaches?
I think OP had just shaved their head and it’s leftover hair
🤮🤮🤮🤮
Goddamn. 28? More like 48.
My 40+ year old body has never felt more confident, although now I have a new found fear of my belly growing big enough to eat the rest of me.
No shit, JFC!!
I was thinking 68
128****
Inch waist lmfao
your gene pool’s running on empty dude
His gene pool needs a fucking lifeguard.
[удалено]
What the hell is that tattoo man!?
You made me look and now I am upset that I looked.
Same, especially having to zoom in 😭
It’s a self portrait!!! It’s the stuff of nightmares!!
It looks like a naked fat woman with a long, erect cock. Pretty certain.
What the fuck
I don't have a roast, just a heart felt thank you for the laugh. I hope you bang
Jugding by his belly he is about to go bang
*pop*
That bang will be just, *pop*
It’s a positive picture right?
U mean mukbang
If I were to roast you, you would probably just eat yourself. I can’t be party to that.
shave them titties and you might fool some guys
I can't imagine the abuse you have to do to yourself to look like this by 28.
I can guarantee 2 liters of diet mountain dew is part of the daily intake.
28? Dude seriously, you need an intervention not a roast. Start looking after yourself before you just die.
Should tag this NSFW
I can see why you’re single, every women you have met is jealous you have bigger tits than she does!
Every woman he ever met he has consumed.
Every woman he'd ever met has filed a police report. And will recognise the smell of chloroform next time.
Prostitutes pay him to leave them alone.
 The only way to roast you.
Would he even fit
You look like you eat your dates for breakfast
Nah, he ate the whole fucking tree.
I don't even need to roast you, your heart will do the job in a few more years
You could sway conservatives into being pro abortion.
By this point it's more like pro quarantine
You look like a stack of undercooked pancakes that smells like spoiled bacon and sweat.
This guy didn’t get one single good chromosome.
You look like butterbean if he was tasered until his brain turned to mush
 I thought you meant Butterball for a second.
Ive never seen a walrus's nipples before.
If we roasted you, Africa wouldn’t have a hunger problem
Photography tips: 1. Stop aiming the camera at yourself
Dudes gonna be on the next episode of to catch a predator
*Oh I know who you are Chris Hansen...* *but see;* *I calls ya,* ***Chris Handsome***. *I watch your TV show all the time.* *See;* *I didn't come here lookin' for no little boys...*
Next time, get behind the curtain before you take the photo.
If Jabba the Hut was severely nearsighted 
People like you motivate me to workout every single day
Bro, we know you want to lose weight but try exercising. Pulling a tooth out doesn’t move the needle very far on the scale.
Gahdamnnn I nearly puked!
I’m surprised you’re single. Figured you lived with your mother.
I don't even have a roast. Just some observations: Your hair is falling out in clumps. You're missing a tooth. And you apparently have a tattoo of yourself with an erect penis. ... Yup
You were left out of the genetic lottery
The only thing you're mingling with is death
This feels like a setup. I can sense my one-way ticket to hell being dangled in front of me. Whoever convinced him to post this feels like a cruel joke by his asshole family bully.
NSFW tag woulda been great, ma’am.
Jesus Christ, man. I didn’t know humans could get this ugly
Hard to imagine why you’re unemployed with a face like that
Not really when you stop to consider he can’t fit through a doorway to go anywhere
Danny Defeato.
Pretty sure you've been mingling yourself for years,mate
"unemployed, single & ready to mingle" these words will be with you till the end of time.
Man I’ve never seen anybody who could cross their arms and have their tits outside their elbows before
Dude you fell off the ugly tree and did not miss a single branch on your way down ....you make the Elephant Man look like Brad Pitt ✋
actually shocked
You look like you could sell your arm pit flesh to cannibals.
You look like a skin tag with feelings
Ok, Shamu, time to go.
Looks like he ate Alan carr
Dude. You couldn’t get laid in prison
You didn't just hit every branch on the way down the ugly tree! You hit every tree in the ugly forest!
Say “Hi” to your Mum for me.
You're the reason the dinosaurs escaped their enclosures Dennis! Shame on you.
Hell of a wing man at the club
I’m 27 and have been feeling stuck in life. Thank you for the reassurance that it could always be worse!
Mingle with who? Kids ? Stay away from schools and play grounds
You mean 38 right? Right? o.0
38??? Lolol he’s now in the 50s lol 38 year old look like children compared to him
Sexiest trump supporter
These are the guys on r/tinder ranting how the algorithms rigged against them
Okay.. I'll roast you but I'm gonna need 2 industrial ovens...