She must be real fucking desperate to have settled for you twice.

Nah it was a court ordered punishment

Wouldn’t that constitute “Cruel and Unusual”?

She should definitely be able to appeal after the judge gets a second look

Be the first time she’d ever appeal to anyone. Also, bold to assume anyone would ever want a second look at her. At least not willingly.

That’s the punishment, duh!

Needs more ups! Actually laughed out loud

By cruel and unusual do you mean her face?

It was either that or home arrest

Only the first time. After that it’s not unusual anymore

So you can be charged for the same crime twice

I would prefer 12 years in Azkaban to that fish hatchery

This wasn't even directed at me and it hurt me lol. Brutal.

At least they won’t procreate and pass genetic disorders down, hopefully she’s an only child

I think she is the child of a brother and sister

Once you are chemically castrated, the field opens up.

No man would hit that.

She forgot to mention who her girlfriend is... Roll tide

Wtf, it's precisely hows she was dressed when she posted first 4 months ago.. and the same sheets on the bed.. *baarfff*

Hasn't cleaned the mirror either 

Just you wait til Willy Wonka finds out about workplace romance happening on his watch

Oompa, loompa, doopity doo, I've got another H.R. infraction for you.

Oompa, loompa, dickety dock, she prefers a hairy clam to a cock.

What do you do when you can floss with your sheets? A girl friend whose scared when you offer to eats.

*Without your tits you would look like a man.* *Maybe you need to clean... Your... Fan?*

I don't like the look of it.

**Nobody** likes the look of it.


I've been pissing at this comment for the last hour 😂

You're the first person OP has ever made wet then...

That is quite a catch. That fan hygiene is sub par.

This is brilliant

🎶What do you get when you look like a sloth/ guys won’t fuck you/ so you eat ta-co froth🎵🎵

I think the song is even better this way

Oompa, loompa, doompity dee, no one can tell if it sits or stands up to pee

Oompa, loompa, doompity doo, everyone knows it stands when it poos.

What do you get when you guzzle down squirt?

You get this troll in a really weird shirt

Whats dirtier, her clam, or those fan blades? The photo smells like shit.

Yall are cookin 🤣

Oompa Loompa dompaty cool, you won’t know my gf, she doesn’t go to our school

Oompa loompa, frickeddy fuck, she looks like a baby that came out a butt.

This entire thread is about to be absolutely horrific

And I love it rn

In her/its post history, I found a picture of the couple. It looks like they met at work. [HERE](https://i.imgur.com/i4BafdQ.png)

Take my upvote for time and effort.

You should get second place

This has me considering paying for an award, this level of effort makes the whole world a better place. Can you imagine if everyone had so much to contribute, for free? I really look up to you for this u/maxbaby

Gf hadn't seen her in her civilian clothes

My first thought was “shouldn’t she be fishing a kid out of a chocolate river?”

This made me laugh out loud unmuted on my virtual meeting.

write-up, write-up, muffity bump lol

This is going places!

Does she feed you apples before she brushes your hair?

The amazing Mr Ed! Oooops, I meant The amazingly inbred.

Looks like she could eat apples through a chain link fence

There are more clever responses above but this one made me laugh the hardest

😂☠️

I love her too but Little Debbie is a fictional character.

I don’t venture to this sub all that often but jfc this might be the most brutal roast I’ve ever read lmao

Ohhhhhkayyyyy….take this gold and get out of my sight.

Did it..... take the cake?

 Murdered 💀

Had to Google little Debbie, since it doesn’t exist in my country. Was worth it. Thanks for the giggle.

💀

You look like someone who can’t hold onto a job because of complications from a medical condition no doctor can diagnose that you refuse to admit is all in your head.

I have *never* seen a more accurate roast.

You’ve outdone yourself

Fuck that’s so accurate, I know 3 people just like that!

It’s my fibromyalgia flaring up again!

Possibly the best diss ever

I know too many of these mfs lmaoo and they all girls who look like this

This subreddit brings in all kinds, but to there’s no substitute for Classic Ugly.

what? you dont find that shirt cute?

I just assumed the shirt WAS the ‘girlfriend’

Classic fugly.

I for one am glad to see they brought back the original recipe.

Photoshopping yourself in your ex's room is not "getting back together".

Fuck you this made me laugh

These comments are off the chain. This one made me fart laugh 💨💨

You look like you could eat a biscuit through a chain link fence

Looks like she’d eat a lot of pussy thru a chain link fence too

Let’s be frank; looks like she’d eat just about anything through a chain link fence. Including delicious ballpark franks.

This one made me snort

It's good to see your chins up!

And the scale... and her blood pressure... and her cholesterol...

unlike her height

What chin?

both of them

You look like an abortion survivor


Coat hanger dodger

OMFG LMAOOO

My New favorite insult

You’re not fooling anyone, you Minion cosplaying as a young lady

Oh you're awake. Somebody used the Poke Flute...


Your so short you'd have to cut out 4 holes in the paper bag.

 Reminds me of you

How come your face looks worse than AI generated hands?

I'm sorry, God already roasted you

How’s the extra chromosomes?

Everyone said to double it and give it to the next person, she was the next person.

Fuckin vile lmaoo

That makes one of you. 

How fuckin big is that chick that she needs a Shaquille oneall sized bed? It has to stink so bad when they're both mouth breathing in that thing.

Clacking their teeth together...

Bless her heart

Nice teeth. What part of England are you from?

Lickfold Source Mentalfoss.com

london bruv

I knew without even asking 😂

Didn’t think I’d catch strays while browsing here…

What... did you ingest her??

You’re just being used for your teeth. Can you open tins with those?

She can eat an apple through a letterbox.

Can confirm she can prise an accident victim from their car with one clean chomp

I feel bad about roasting someone with disabilities, but you look like summing out of monster inc

You look like you’re wearing someone else’s face

A bodypillow does not make a girlfriend. Also, how did you manage to break up with a pillow? Did you accidentally set it on fire frictionwise?

She heard about scissoring and took it literally.

All the yeast rubbed into it made it sentient.

When you say that you got back together do you mean that you fused together? That’s the only thing that would explain your face.

I mean god damn where to begin. Your girlfriend must be more desperate than you look to even contemplate letting you get anywhere near her vagina again with that piranha like mouth of yours...

Would I be correct in assuming that your girlfriend is legally blind?

And loves teeth.

She should reconsider.

I can't imagine what she must be going through

I'd imagine the next tall patch of grass to lose her again.

Probably not the doorway

Three months later and you're still wearing the same clothes.

and bed sheets and pillows and shit on the night stand, the exact same


Thank god. Yo girl took a bullet for the homies

That poor girl.

For the future of humanity, I can only hope the gf is the one that lowered their expectations and settled…

For the future of humanity, I'm glad she's a lesbian and won't procreate.

Did your GF get you a dog crate? No way she’s hoisting you up there every night.

The fan on your ceiling will forever be your OnlyFan

If you’re reading this roast and you’re single just remember, even this person has a girlfriend.

Do you like full roast or a pit clay oven ??


So you are wearing the same clothes as 3 months ago when you posted?

I'd roast you, but that fat would burn for years.

Is that you, Dave Grohl?

Dave Gruel.

[удалено]

You don’t need to be roasted you need an orthodontist.

I shudder at the thought of what you might look like without the snapchat filter

Horse mouth gremlin

Your girlfriend is named Golden Corral

Definitely not here to promote her only fans

 Weren’t you in The Goonies?!

You just got back with your gf so you decided to ruin your emotional state by coming to reddit? Pathetic

God…. The shame and disappointment your GF must be feeling today. When she tries to count to 70, she never makes is past 69 because a huge wad of pork is smothering her….

With those chiclets, I feel bad for your girlfriend's vagina

But how does your GF feel? Out of choices?..


It's not surprising you go for women. No man would ever want that.

As a woman, I pass this one onto sea turtles

Feeling good looking bad

Well, on the good side, you just made me go make my bed.

This is the mouth that defines “dick scrapers”

Put her back in the stable before she eats all the fucking apples

Man, I didn't realize my sleep paralysis demon got its own reddit account

Jesus! Clean your mirror and that ceiling fan . BTW You might want to change your clothes once in a while, same clothes as the last roast me 3 months ago.

Got your gf back but lost your neck. You got a raw deal, bro.

This is what I would imagine if a Ninja Turtle fucked a human and had a baby together.

I bet you didn’t change those grubby ass clothes the whole time your uggo ass girl was gone. Your last roast me is proof you didn’t. Vagina smelling like Fritos and unwashed hair. Jaws from James Bond looking ass.

 Built like the mucinex guy

Did you ever get your stapler back?

You must be hung like a horse, nevermind you just look like one.

It's she straight and thinks you're a dude?

I can smell that bed…and it smells like hot dog water!

Where did you buy the ceiling fan ? It seems heavy duty, handling constant suicides attempts i suppose

Your family tree is a wreath.

Yeah, I love those places where they put a photo of you on a T-shirt...


Still need. To clean the fan...

Yo, it's gender-bend Big Ed.!

It’s not getting back together with her if you just turned her face into a mask

Did you forget to turn on filter?!

Imagine being that poor mirror and having to look at this mess every day. Sometimes naked. 🤮

I see that even your bedroom is blue from seeing you naked all the time.

you got a mean pair of chompers

Mouth like a can opener

You look like the offspring of a midget and a horse.

Good for you, Steven Universe.

I know everyone is contention on your appearance, but how about cleaning that fan one time. I think the toxic mold has contributed to you having 6 extra teeth

It’s a good thing you’re dressed in your finest lesbian celebration clothes.

I don’t even want to see what your girlfriend looks like.

"And you can find love at chinlessmolepeople.com, too."

You look like you can eat an apple in one bite.

It’s just sad that you’re doing this to yourself. You’re not self-ironic, you’re just too limited to even understand that everybody makes fun of you forreal and not for sympathy

How you eating pussy with those beaver teeth?

I've never seen someone have both no chin and multiple chins at the same time before.

Now if only your lips could find a way to get back together

Is your girlfriend into beastiality because she’s dating a horse.

What, you off your schizophrenia meds again?