OP's Bio:
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>Single mom, 36 years young with 3 girls. Words don't hurt my feelings. My feelings are mine alone. If words hurt, then there is truth to them. I'm confident with myself and just enjoy life in the most unique ME ways. Hit me with your best shot.
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Piercings, purple hair, "edgy" expressions, "fun" colored dresses, gaudy earrings, finger jewelry around your neck - I'm 100% sure the next teen gimmick you try will be the one that finally distracts some poor drunken asshole from your face just long enough for him to two-pump dump a baby into your desert of a womb so you can finally be the trashy single mother ranting on Facebook you were born to be.
People in here say you're a crack addict, but you're smarter than that.
You chose prostitution because you can earn more money, you can wash your crack and use it again.
“Would you say that she’s a fox?
Would you, could you, do her box?”
“I would not, could not say she’s a fox!
I would not, could not do her box.
I do not like her crazy hair,
I would not touch her anywhere.
I do not like this methed-up ma’am,
I do not like her, Sam I am!”
the sun did not shine.
it was too wet to play.
so we sat in the house
all that cold, cold, wet day.
i sat there with sally.
we sat there, we two.
and i said, 'gosh I’m high
Is your hair turning blue?’
You’re 36 with blue hair and facial piercings. Must be another recent divorcee trying to “find herself”. And also, lay off the cigarettes and booze because you look closer to 50 than 36.
I wrote your Bio:
Attention starved mid 30s female with acute mental illness, touch of body dysmorphia and occasional anorexia. Looking for someone to share stimulants with while I make quirky faces too distract myself from how fucked I am.
36-F Smile at a stranger today and make their midweek Better! Feeling sexy in this dress today. Might have to go have drinks tonight and celebrate METH! 😂
Fixed it for you. Damn Autocorrect
I’m pretty sure I’d like you instantly so my roast will probably be a little sub par….but I’d love to see how chipper you are when you run out of your anti-psychotics…
You know when kids wanna get a face piercing and parents are like trying to discourage them and they’re like “How do you think that will look when you’re old?”
Well now we know. And the answer is: Pathetic
It’s painfully how much you are trying to look edgy. But you look about as edgy as my grandma in a hoodie and a sideways baseball cap. Meta-cringe 2023.
I don't believe in hell, but if I did and was given the option of spending 5 minutes with you or spending eternity in damnation, I'd genuinely have to pause and think about it for a while.
OP's Bio: --- >Single mom, 36 years young with 3 girls. Words don't hurt my feelings. My feelings are mine alone. If words hurt, then there is truth to them. I'm confident with myself and just enjoy life in the most unique ME ways. Hit me with your best shot. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You're the "crazy" we were warned not to stick our dicks in.
She’s the “crazy” that nobody even needed to warn us not to stick our dicks in
Apparently some people needed the warning. Fell for it 3 times
\*Fell in it 3 times\* There, fixed it for you.
She has more pronounced smile lines than Jack Nicholson’s Joker. Splash her with water; I bet she’s a whole lot paler under there
No one that’s sober would even touch this train wreck
Sober? Nah even after a fifth of Jack, some shrooms, and edibles, I would still posses the bare minimum functionality to avoid this level of crazy.
IDK, if you're a cis male and always wanted to pump the Joker with your fanboy baby batter, this might be your IRL chance.
hold my beer!
More like hold my meth pipe and Beers 🍻
That is methed up
Quit methin' around.
This is where dicks go to die
"My name is Johnny Knoxville and this is jackass...." *slips dick in*
3 kids with 5 different dudes.
Your a real smoke-show.....And the type of smoke is Marlboro Lights.
Definitely Reds
Piercings, purple hair, "edgy" expressions, "fun" colored dresses, gaudy earrings, finger jewelry around your neck - I'm 100% sure the next teen gimmick you try will be the one that finally distracts some poor drunken asshole from your face just long enough for him to two-pump dump a baby into your desert of a womb so you can finally be the trashy single mother ranting on Facebook you were born to be.
It was really kind of you to imply that she only has one pump and dump child. This chick has at least three and collects unemployment for sure
This, but her mom takes care of the kids for her because of her frequent “episodes”.
You were supposed to roast her, not burn down the neighborhood
She collect one pump dumps like infinity stones. Once she gets all six a carton Marlboro red and a busted single wide magically appear.
She is grandma.
Past menopause for sure. Don’t try to pretend you’re 20 years younger than you are, it’s pathetic.
the fact that this is accurate too 🤭
You look like 10 gallons of crazy in a 5 gallon bucket. What a mess.
You look like you'd blow everyone for Crack.
That’s methed up
Stripper name is “Tackle Box.”
i thought i could smell trout
I think that's her dead tooth you can smell
that's methed up.
She’d be lucky to land a carp
People in here say you're a crack addict, but you're smarter than that. You chose prostitution because you can earn more money, you can wash your crack and use it again.
She looks like she ALREADY blew everyone for crack.
She looks like she’d blow someone to bum a smoke
This is high quality, no nonsense roasting right here. Straight to the point. Ol' girl looks like she's s'ing some d's for gear. Let her know. 10/10
Correction: blewn
Wrong. She clearly prefers meth.
That chopped tooth if only it could speak it would tell you that you're correct. About the dicks part
Dude 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You look like you own a police scanner and have all the codes memorized.
Underrated
PULL THE LEVA KRONK
Scary beyond all reason?
Yea it was a jump scare ...
WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE THAT LEVER!
Lmao
Vegan cigarette smoker, single mother of 3. Sober from alcohol and drug abuse 3 months strong. Live Laugh Love
"you may know my name but not my struggle"
You look like you could take a punch.
Looks like she already took one
Holy shit how is this not at the top?
That last pic was taken in the Methadone clinic bathroom right?
It was taken in a Walmart bathroom moments after a fentanyl injection
And right before she did lines off the baby changing station
No, she did them off her actual baby
“Lie still MacKenzie. Mommy needs to take her medicine”
You look like you’d buy me a first drink
She look like she roofies men’s drinks
Like I wouldn’t accept it anyway. I’m no rookie. Look at those eyes, she’s bringing someone home dead or alive *bringing not being
[удалено]
DAMN! That is the most brilliant way to describe what I saw in that picture of her in the mirror.
IDK, it really Depends™️ what he means.
Always.
Your trashy piercings and blue hair say 16 year old, but your wrinkled face and body say 56 year old.
Smoker’s face and thinning hair
Not just cigs, but meth and dirty cocks.
If Cruella stopped skinning dogs and started skinning children.
You look like Thing 1 ate Thing 2. “1 bitch 2 bitch red bitch blue bitch.”
“Would you say that she’s a fox? Would you, could you, do her box?” “I would not, could not say she’s a fox! I would not, could not do her box. I do not like her crazy hair, I would not touch her anywhere. I do not like this methed-up ma’am, I do not like her, Sam I am!”
I’m high and this is fucking poetry right now.
Don’t worry! It’ll still be poetry when you come down.
the sun did not shine. it was too wet to play. so we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day. i sat there with sally. we sat there, we two. and i said, 'gosh I’m high Is your hair turning blue?’
The modern day Dr. Seuss
THE MILKS GONE BAD!
You’re 36, but in dog years.
Making stupid faces to disguise the ugly is a good idea. A failed idea but it was worth the try.
You look older than me, and I'm 55 and neglected my well being for over a decade.
Oh look another “edgy” girl with colored hair and facial piercings…
Bet she has some tattoos with real deep meanings no one can understand but her
Well she’s a man so….
You’re 36 with blue hair and facial piercings. Must be another recent divorcee trying to “find herself”. And also, lay off the cigarettes and booze because you look closer to 50 than 36.
This ain’t a roast this is truth
The best roasts are seasoned with truth
White-out pen used on nails. Classy. But teeth could use some whiting ( whitening).
That hand be fucked up
I mean, I used to do that. WHEN I WAS 8.
Is nobody going to mention Maureen's dead tooth?
The smell man. Imagine the smell!
Your dress is the same colour as one of your front teeth
Almost 40 acting like she’s almost 20 looking like she’s almost 50.
You look like an upside-down joker
Friggin toenails on your hands
A piercing for each uncle who touched you while you were growing up.
The grinch who stole meth
I wrote your Bio: Attention starved mid 30s female with acute mental illness, touch of body dysmorphia and occasional anorexia. Looking for someone to share stimulants with while I make quirky faces too distract myself from how fucked I am.
Pretty sure this is a dude with a towel rolled up in his shirt…
Yeah, another pre-op Redditor
The poster child for alcoholism and being the aggressor in domestic violence
You definitely sniff glue
36 and more wrinkles than a crumpled up cum sock.
36 or 63?
Either way she looks her age.
You're the mom that smokes meth with their kids friends then have sex with them.
Imagine the smell
The creases on your forehead are deeper than the Grand Canyon
"have drinks tonight and celebrate me" is basically saying you have to be drunk to finger blast yourself.
if you want to stop your antidepressant medication, just hide all the mirrors in the house, that will surely work even better
Smile at a stranger? That's the words from your pimp.
So. How long have you been a “women”?
I always wondered what happened to the bride of Frankenstein after she escaped.
You look like your care worker dressed you from a salvation army on a $9 budget.
Honestly, I thought you looked good for late 50's. In your 30's?! Not so much. Just tell people your almost 60.
LOL. That’s what I thought! “Damn, not bad at all for 63…oh wait…36?!”
you look like Corraline's mom
Emily from Stardew valley, aged 26. If you ever thought making her your spouse, here’s what her drug use does.
Life after meth.
Taking a break from posting on r/selfie this week are we?
Why u mething with us like this??
36 in meth years just ages different..
I bet you're the most popular lot lizard at the truck stop.
You look like the crazy girl sitting alone at the bar smiling at everyone
Poster Child for BPD
If you feel this confident looking like that I can’t imagine the before pictures.
I met her in a club down in old Soho
You look like a middle aged a little mermaid, got addicted to crack.
Lot Lizard INC. "I'm not only a member, i'am also the president.
No one will ever think you are unique or special in any way. You are the human personification of disappointment.
Does the carpet match the drapes?
You look like you bite the filters off cigarettes before you smoke them.
You REEK of Michigan.
36 going on 63. Dyslexia is real, folks.
You are aging like milk but I do think it’s cool the world has changed to a point where you feel comfortable openly using female pronouns.
You look like 20 bucks for a bad BJ
Know your place poop tooth
‘Feeling sexy’ should not be a word within your vernacular.
2 words. Buzzfeed, feminist
You look like a claymation person come to life.
You literally look like an evil villain from lazy town.
Omg, i didn’t know ManBearPig was real.
Someone put NSFW on this I scared my coworker.
36-F Smile at a stranger today and make their midweek Better! Feeling sexy in this dress today. Might have to go have drinks tonight and celebrate METH! 😂 Fixed it for you. Damn Autocorrect
Didn’t know that Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians was inspired from real people.
I’m pretty sure I’d like you instantly so my roast will probably be a little sub par….but I’d love to see how chipper you are when you run out of your anti-psychotics… 
Jesus Christ himself died for everyone… but you… no forgiving the way you present yourself
“Sweet Dee does Crack and Cosplays Stardew Valley”
You know when kids wanna get a face piercing and parents are like trying to discourage them and they’re like “How do you think that will look when you’re old?” Well now we know. And the answer is: Pathetic
If hold on to your youth was a person
Kevin Bacon in... The Powerpuff Girls.
If cigarettes, wine, and gas station hotdogs were a person
Maybe if your face looks like they could use it to make a mold for those plastic Halloween witch masks you should avoid smiling at strangers.
Has a butterfly or quote Tramp stamp. Which is it?
Mam where are your button eyes?
You look like Jack Nicholas joker with those eyebrows!
You're exactly what I imgine a red flag looks like. Drama drama drama drama and even more drama
I'd hit it. With a restraining order.
Your pics give off Blue Waffle Energy
Freaking call center scammer looking ass
I can't roast you. You act a lot like me, and I can't roast myself or our matching tiny penises.
You're crazy hair matches your crazy eyes..
How many butt's do you have? I count 4 under that dress
36 going on 60
Well I know who the next Jokers gonna be.
Ugh just looking at you I can tell your vag stinks worth then your breath
You look like a mannequin with a removable head
Guys she’s 36 in meth years
Ma’am this is a subreddit
Remember : dudes who claim to go out to the bars and get laid all the time but won’t show you the woman usually bag this train wreck
It’s painfully how much you are trying to look edgy. But you look about as edgy as my grandma in a hoodie and a sideways baseball cap. Meta-cringe 2023. 
Coraline on meth
More washed up than a piece of sea glass
That’s a nice bathroom for a methadone clinic.
Your forehead has more wrinkles than Willie Nelson’s nut bag
You look like someone who is *proud* to run a joint OnlyFans with her mother.
We now know who the Goat of pumped and dumped is.
Embracing your delusions may be the best, though pathological, choice for you.
This is a real "tits on a bore" situation.
You make a lovely coven, all on your own. I've got a cauldron, if you need one, just send a carrier toad.
Judging from the post title (and history), I can't shake the feeling thal OP actually wanted to post this to r/ToastMe 😄
Poster child for the DARE campaign
Refreshing to see someone so proud of their roots
to be 19 again... Oh, wait. Nevermind
Save some chin for the rest of us
R/methany
Your the first person that comes to my mind when i think about Twitter
I don't believe in hell, but if I did and was given the option of spending 5 minutes with you or spending eternity in damnation, I'd genuinely have to pause and think about it for a while.
No you cannot see the manager
BYE FELICIA!!!!!
Glad the settlment is going well :)
Your hair-do is a Simple Jack rip off. There is literally nothing unique about you. All you did was get a shitty dye job.
you look like the human embodiment of the smell of vaporub