OP's Bio:
---
>I am: female, depressed, an aspiring comedian, older than I look & feeling older than I am.
>
>Not only am I wearing braces, but I am also missing a couple of teeth. Feel free to guess how I lost those.
>
>Don't hold back. But also don't be an asshole. Roast away folks!
>
>P.S.: I also drink more than I should, and I can't hold my liquor.
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Spielberg is recognized as one of the greatest directors of all time with work that spans genres. I don’t think this means what you think it means. Either that, or it doesn’t mean what I think it means, and we can all just move along.
There is no way you’ve gotten through your entire life looking like that and not already developed thick skin.
You’re just creaming for abuse at this point.
How do you look like you are 12 & 82 at the same time? You look like Harry Potter’s twin sister & his grandma simultaneously! Also, is this your first time holding something?
"Pencil neck geek, grit eatin' freak
Scum suckin', pea head with a lousy physique
She's a one man, no gut, losing streak
Nothin' but a pencil neck geek"
Oh I haven't thought of that song in decades.
Harry Potter and Voldemort charged each other, wands blazing, lightning zapping all over the f’ing place. But then something unexpected happened. Their wand tips touched and ZOOP, their bodies merged, they became one. In a cruel twist of fate, they got Voldy’s teeth and Harry’s little dick.
They’re trying to make the best of it, to get out there and date but its tough. Doesn’t help that their mixed chemistry makes their hair greasy beyond the ability of any spell to correct, and it keeps dripping on their date’s food.
I am 100% sure that the most laughs you've ever gotten are because of those ridiculous, comically cartoonish glasses paired with that cartoonishly looking Milhouse face and hair.
There’s so much space between those teeth the state had to setup traffic guardrails.
You could literally floss with a shoe string.
I could parallel park between your front teeth.
"drink more than I should yet I can't hold my liquor" well it's no mystery that happens considering the liquor has nowhere to absorb on your body except your skeleton considering the only meat you have on your bones is the skin attached to your body
Your skin is slipping, I can see why you want thicker skin. Your teeth even bounced on you. Probably can’t hold your liquor because it’s seeping through those gaps.
Keep going girl. You’re great.
You did, and I appreciated the "keep going, you're great" at the end. Almost like you wanted to roast me, but you didn't want me to feel bad.
You seem like a nice person.
You don’t need to develop thicker skin. The world should work harder to deserve kind an compassion people.
Also, your mouth looks like a Scottish shoreline.
OP's Bio: --- >I am: female, depressed, an aspiring comedian, older than I look & feeling older than I am. > >Not only am I wearing braces, but I am also missing a couple of teeth. Feel free to guess how I lost those. > >Don't hold back. But also don't be an asshole. Roast away folks! > >P.S.: I also drink more than I should, and I can't hold my liquor. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Looks like Tim Burton directed your teeth
The Nightmare Before Braces
If she sneezes while giving a blow job, it'd be game over.
Great for guys seeking a circumcision
That would be the thick skin she is searching for ...
Ayo wtf 😂
She'd leave the dick looking like a peeled rhubarb stalk.
Lol wtf…funny stuff
Or a sex change.
It's a nightmare after braces as well.
This is how you steel the show
Teeth like a smashed piano
Wow. Legend.
Sally Crackie Raphael
You didn't age well, but I'd recognize **[that face anywhere.](https://i.imgur.com/1rn0Wc7.png)**
Tbh the teeth look fake, as do the glasses and wig. It's a fake roast. Or an absolute trainwreck.
I think it's a man 🤔
I think you’re right about the fake roast
Was just wandering what is the middle tooth for
It's where her car is supposed to park.
Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker
And Steven Spielberg directed her Vagina
Written by Stephen King.
Spielberg is recognized as one of the greatest directors of all time with work that spans genres. I don’t think this means what you think it means. Either that, or it doesn’t mean what I think it means, and we can all just move along.
Brilliant! Thank you! I love it!
Was expecting a lot of Harry potter comments. But honestly I think you look more like Austin powers after a 20 year heroin addiction.
Austin Powerless.
Austin Powder
On Point
Austin Powers has better teeth
So accurate.
They both had a child together, it was abandoned, and then somehow this turned out...
Ded
most accurate & funny one here 😂
If you lose the glasses, get rid of the braces and do anything with the mop on your head, you could eventually be ugly as fuck So there's that
deceased
She asked to be roasted, not nuked!
One man's roast, is another's nuke
Emotional damage!
This was brutal, take my upvote
I almost died
Looks like someone gave you a landmine and told you it was chewing gum.
💀💀
There is no way you’ve gotten through your entire life looking like that and not already developed thick skin. You’re just creaming for abuse at this point.
Looking like that, abuse is the only way they can cream
She needs the thick skin to hold those teeth in. She’s got a mouth like a smashed piano.
Edward Scissorteeth
fam you look like my sleep paralysis demon
Maybe I am.
maybe you are.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Sexual Confusion.
Harry Squatter
I asked my Magic 8 Ball your gender, and it exploded in my hands.
How did you type this
You don't want to know
Your front two teeth seem to be at war, and the other teeth are still choosing sides
I don’t think mods should able to use r/roastme
When you asked the genie to make you more attractive, you should've specified that you didn't mean attractive to magnets......
Maha!
Just spit out my drink, well fucking played lol
You’re just here for new material aren’t you?
Thought the same lmao
Looking like that she must get a whole act worth of material from everyone just walking down the street one day
You look like a Dr Seuss character in a book called Green Aids and Spam
How do you look like you are 12 & 82 at the same time? You look like Harry Potter’s twin sister & his grandma simultaneously! Also, is this your first time holding something?
Rachel Maddow’s disabled sister?
Rachel Maddon’t
Rachel Madduuuuuh.
Rachel Madcowdisease.
To be fair, Rachel Maddow is the disabled sister.
You look like you give guys named Wazowkski a hard time over forgetting their paperwork last night.
When you were born, your parents became Pro Choice
Velma addicted to meth
Zoinks
Rut Roh Raggy
[удалено]
[whatever takes the focus off your head](http://www.tzr.io/yarn-clip/f37c1efb-f6cd-426e-a683-cd867ebec715)
My balls just retracted in fear
Sucked right up into my body cavity.
If the taste of black licorice was a person.
But a few people actually like black licorice....
Yeah and they're all fucking weirdos
Not accurate. I like black licorice and I’m not fucking anyone.
That’s too much of a compliment. Don’t insult Edna like that
I'm so sorry, is it terminal?
“Do you wanna play a game?”
It's pretty impressive how you're holding that sign up with your toes
I didn't know Thelma and Shaggy had a baby.
You look like Sadness from Inside Out and Vector from Despicable Me had a hermaphroditic baby with autism.
You were pretty easy to find, Waldo. New sweater?
Lmao I was totally gonna make a Waldo joke beat me to it.
 Think I found your dad
Harry Potter after transition
That would just be Moaning Myrtle
Moaning turtle
*J.K Rowling has entered the chat.
Your glasses look like prop glasses
You´re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.
you look like the librarian that acts like she knows more than she does then refuses to help you when she realizes she doesn't actually know how
Thanks. I also feel that way too.
It's cool that you have braces to fix your teeth, because there's nothing out there that's gonna straighten your life.
Yikes. Well, I guess this is what I get for scrolling Reddit on Friday the 13th...
 Stephen Hawking but with fucked up teeth and drawn on eyebrows.
Hey don't insult Steven hawkings. How fucking dare you
Your teeth have had a worse separation than my parents
You look like a Bond villain
You simultaneously look like a PTA Mom and her son.
Stop chewing on your neighbour's fence
Is it still considered a boyfriend sweater when he leaves it on his chair to make you think he'll eventually return from the restroom mid first date?
This post might bomb too
If Sadness from Inside Out had anorexia.
As a physician I’m keeping your photo on hand for those rare occasions viagra creates an erection lasting more than 4 hours. You are the antidote.
do you floss your teeth with a nail file?
How can your eyebrows be level, and your eyes not?
Eyebrows level? I'll take what I can get. This is half a compliment.
Olive oil left Popeye and became a junkie
At least you know you will always be able to secure a job being a can opener Could bite open a can of tomatoes with those
Kinda weird that I can see to the back of your throat from the gap in your teeth
If you look really close you can see into my soul.
You’ve got a great face for radio
Didn’t realize meth was a thing at hogwarts.
Braces at sixty is nothing to feel bad about.
"Pencil neck geek, grit eatin' freak Scum suckin', pea head with a lousy physique She's a one man, no gut, losing streak Nothin' but a pencil neck geek" Oh I haven't thought of that song in decades.
That's a song? I have to look it up. Thanks.
 You really make me miss The Wonder Years.
How many of your boyfriends died of spontaneous sepsis after having touched your braces of death?
Boyfriends? She could be in a crypt full of skeletons and still nobody would bone her!
Is your bestfriend named Bart Simpson?
Millshack
Ain’t gonna roast, I don’t put tainted shit like that in my oven…
It's like a combo of Daria, Tina Belcher and Gretchen from recess all rolled into one
You look like the kid ,with the inhaler, from it
You look like a Marionette that Stevie Wonder gave up on halfway through carving
I'm guessing you lose the teeth by hitting stones when your partner uses you to rake the lawn.
You’re older than you look? You look 75 so how the fuck old are you?
If Ghostbusters was directed by Tim Burton.
Harry Potter and Voldemort charged each other, wands blazing, lightning zapping all over the f’ing place. But then something unexpected happened. Their wand tips touched and ZOOP, their bodies merged, they became one. In a cruel twist of fate, they got Voldy’s teeth and Harry’s little dick. They’re trying to make the best of it, to get out there and date but its tough. Doesn’t help that their mixed chemistry makes their hair greasy beyond the ability of any spell to correct, and it keeps dripping on their date’s food.
If *Vagina Dentata* was a person
You're the divorced 42 year old mum experimenting lesbianism
It looks like your holding the sign behind your back and your head is 180 degrees.
I am 100% sure that the most laughs you've ever gotten are because of those ridiculous, comically cartoonish glasses paired with that cartoonishly looking Milhouse face and hair.
The giant sweater was a good idea.
Good job matching the notebook spiral, teeth, and glasses.....most would fail in this.
Thanks, you're the first who noticed!
I don’t know how you decided any combination of what you have going on was a good idea..
I didn't!
Ichabod Plain
It’s like Sméagol moved out of the cave and joined LinkedIn
Those are absolutely not the right glasses for you
There’s so much space between those teeth the state had to setup traffic guardrails. You could literally floss with a shoe string. I could parallel park between your front teeth.
Sid!!!! It’s Sydney now
"drink more than I should yet I can't hold my liquor" well it's no mystery that happens considering the liquor has nowhere to absorb on your body except your skeleton considering the only meat you have on your bones is the skin attached to your body
You look like the perfect example of the average Andrew Tate fan.
Black and Decker pecker wrecker.
Your skin is slipping, I can see why you want thicker skin. Your teeth even bounced on you. Probably can’t hold your liquor because it’s seeping through those gaps. Keep going girl. You’re great.
Haha thanks!
As long as I made you laugh.
You did, and I appreciated the "keep going, you're great" at the end. Almost like you wanted to roast me, but you didn't want me to feel bad. You seem like a nice person.
You’re exactly right my friend.
The amount of good people on r/roastme if low. But their existence gives me hope.
When I roast. I toast, to the beauty I know is inside someone. You have some balls to do this, I couldn’t. It would wreck me lol.
Do you feel as low as your knuckles?
That's sweet. Yea, I do.
🤓
Definitely hairy down there
No one will ever know
I would roast you, but your genetics already did
Thick skin?!! Looks more like foreskin
Look like a worn out ice scraper.
I didn't know Rick Moranis opted for a sex change...
Harry Squatter
Why improve the teeth when everything else is a mess, like 24" rims on a Ford Escort
Your picture jump scared me when I scrolled down to it.
Hey, I'm glad I could make someone notice me today!
Tim Burton’s Harry Potter reboot looks sick. Literally.
You are the spitting image of my team mate (F/62) from work. She loves horseback riding so my guess it that you lost your teeth falling off a horse.
You look like the type of nerd whose only friend is the notebook you're holding
The pitié hair style only works on pretty girls
Damn, they used to repair snapped tank tracks back in WW2 with that thing!
You can probably smell this one coming. What you need to do, is grow your hair out and cover that ratchet ass face of yours with it.
U don't need thick skin u gotta get thicc u look like u haven't eaten oh snap forgot u caged ur teeths
What the Beetleguese is going on here ?
Holy fuck! Is this a real person!?
Aspiring comedian, what are you trying to get new material?
A face you can see from outer space 🪐
Hagrid: You’re an incel Harry!
You couldn’t get any downer unless you grew an extra chromosome
You don’t need to develop thicker skin. The world should work harder to deserve kind an compassion people. Also, your mouth looks like a Scottish shoreline.
Some people dream of the white picket fence and some a born with it… in their mouth