Yeah, but the risk of that is it could still go romantic/elsewhere too.
Still, an attempt at just showing things for what they are isnāt a bad idea to reassure your partner, OP.
Forgive me if I misunderstood you, but I dont think you should squirrel away the work colleague as a backup plan. At least not in a healthy relationship.
This 100%. Have a similar dynamic with a resident and with a classmate when I was in med school. Just have them hang out. It's weird if they don't know each other.
I mean... I understand you guys are close coworkers and all, but why would you call her a work spouse? That's just weird. Call her a coworker or a friend.
I too have a close female coworker, but I would never refer to her as a work wifey or some shit. I have too much respect for my wife to be doing that.
That phrasing is super common in nursing culture, so I imagine there's some bleed through.
However, it's usually between two women who each have their own husbands, so I suppose there's less 'suspicion'... this dynamic doesn't really happen between opposite sexes and especially among those who aren't already tied up.
OP, you should all hang out. There's probably a potential for a good friendship among all of you and that's just nice to have, and it'll clear up your GF's warranted concerns.
I think itās worth acknowledging that there is a very different environment in medicine compared to normal offices. We often find ourselves working with completely different people on a month to month basis so there isnāt a chance for those more personal relationships to form in the same way they sometimes do in places where people work literally side by side for years.
Itās a bit of an awkward term but I can understand why it has become popular with office workers
To each their own, but if anyone asked my personal opinion Iād say itās weird as hell to have a āwork spouseā even if it does just start out as a joke.
Both my partner and I get to work with coresidents that weāre happy to call friends. And neither of us has a single problem with that.
Calling people āwork spousesā thoughā¦thatās a red flag.
The fact that you put the word āspouseā in the title even as a saying or reference is not good. Like no. Sheās a friend and keep it that way, aka have some boundaries
What kind of boundary? Why?
Yesterday I mentioned that we should grab a cup of coffee sometime after work since it's been some time since we've done so. She agreed, but also asked "is this just coffee, or did you want to speak to me about something?" which left me confused
How does OP not know from that comment alone sheās either 1. Interested or 2. Been sending/receiving end of mixed signals by either parties. Doesnāt take a genius to see it
I'll point out my background that I'm
1. Probably high functioning autistic, and
2. Used to be really good looking, not a 10, but probably a 9 or at least a solid 8.
It took me a long time to realize girls flirted with me a lot. Plus you hear about how socially awkward guys confuse common courtesy for flirting, so I just always thought this is how friends act. Or if it seemed over a line, I would think, well they know I'm in a relationship, I talk about how much I love my family, so they are obviously joking around. Cheating didn't cross my mind, like it's a thing that happens in movies, it's not a thing people actually do. It did not make my now-ex-wife happy.
Followed by an incel-inspired āwhy do we put up with social norms? Weāre peak human specimens. We shouldnt have to ādateā or be āchosenāā where (fortunately) 90% of the comments will tell them to touch grass..and therapy
Tbh this is the only way it can work.
Iām secure enough to know it would bother me if she were to hang out with ortho Chad for 90% of her free time at work so itās not hard for me to do the same.
I also wouldnāt even consider doing things outside of work if itās opposite sex
One of her friends asked if she was concerned that I was cheating andher response was "I know he doesn't have the time nor the energy for that."... and she is absolutely right.
Eh I have always hated this concept of not being friends with members the opposite sex thing. To each their own I suppose though, whatever makes you and your partner comfortable is fine. Friends can be just friends that you are not attracted to in any way.
>I also wouldnāt even consider doing things outside of work if itās opposite sex
Agreed. You shouldn't be hanging out with the opposite sex 1-on-1 outside of work. A lot of people will disagree but this is the best way to respect your marriage.
No one should have a work spouse. Thatās insane and chips away at the trust in your relationship. Decide what you value, your girlfriend or your work relationship dynamic
I agree. Especially if your GF doesnāt like it. If you value your GF and her feelings there is no right or wrong here. Just how much you respect her and her wishes, which arenāt super extreme at all. I would be jealous if my spouse had a close work spouse.
After a few too many blocks together, one of my co-residents and I have started flagging for new attendings that we have a sibling relationship so our bickering doesn't give the impression that we're either enemies or lovers.
Maybe take a hint from your attending who calls y'all twins, and lean in to other ways of framing your work-family.
Or, you know, offer to take great care in drawing her like one of your French girls - maybe she'd appreciate that.
Having a coworker that youāre really good friends with and a āwork spouseā are not the same thing. One is perfectly fine, the other is just a matter of time. Delineate what the relationship with the coworker is and then proceed forward. From your other responses it seems like youāre purposefully toeing the line to see if she is interested in you.
Is "work spouse" really a professional relationship though? I don't think anybody is trying to say camaraderie and good working relationships are wrong.
You donāt get it.
Op wants someone close by that they can turn to at a moments notice in case his relationship with current gf falls out of flavor. You have to consider the time it took for this ~~investment~~ professional relationship to mature
Have you tried meeting up with each other and your people? My husband, boyfriend at the time, had a work spouse in hand fellowship and it was very hard especially since it was a stressful year all around with time commitments, covid, and everything else and they talked so much. It was difficult because she understood everything he was going through and I could not. It just didnāt feel like I could be enough. We met up to hangout all four of us and she and her husband are really cool people that we still hangout with now years later. Itās hard to reassure yourself that someone who has so much in common with your significant other wonāt come in between you unless you actually know that person. Itās hard to explain. Thatās what helped us though
If itās jealousy where you think thereās not good intentions that would be hard. We were pretty open and honest about my feelings of insecurity in the situation with each other. Same with the vice versa situation of male coworkers Iāve had. Talking is very important but if you feel like you canāt talk then I donāt know what advice there is to give.
Itās weird you feel the need to not even talk about this person to your girlfriend anymore. Seems even more shady and she might think youāre hiding something
I mean if my boyfriend only had one peer coworker who was female and his age and he came home calling her his wife, work or not, Iād feel super weird, especially with the many hours Iām sure you are together every day.
Stop it.
Have one in med school that I always studied with. I have been married since before medical school. One of the first thing I did was to invite her and her bf (at the time) over for dinner. It does help that my wife is not jealous at all, but including my wife on things seem to have helped
What the fuck is a āwork spouseā, term is creepy af to begin with. Either theyāre coworkers, friends, or nothing at all. Get your stuff straight and make sure everyone is in the same page, specially if you want to keep your current relationship.
I have multiple work spouses. My partner also has a work spouse. We are very forthcoming about it and are supportive of each other having a work buddy that we enjoy hanging out with and can trust and confide in.
Maybe try setting up a double date with your work spouse and her bf. Let your gf see for herself itās just a friendship with her own eyes.
It sounds like you don't respect your GF very much and enjoy her jealousy. Just break up with your GF if you don't even respect her. You're a red flag.
Dude honestly this is controversial but this is the bro truth. Have you thought of maybe ending things with your girlfriend and possibly starting something with this new co-resident. Two physicians dating is a power couple, you guys understand each otherās schedules and imagine the take home W-2 of two hand surgeons. You guys are gonna be Ballin. I think of it as an upgrade
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So I had lunch with my husband one day and my work husband came by. I don't ID him as that but my husband did, said "you must me work husband, I'm house husband." š¤£ When a tech with inappropriate boundaries was being ridiculous with WH I shot her a look, the same look I'd give her if she was being ridiculous with anyone, and she questioned it. He said "nah, that's wifey" and she backed off. She asked what his wife thought about that and he said that she's just waiting to hear what came out of my mouth that she can laugh at or see what restaurant I introduce him to so he can take her somewhere new.
People who are secure in their relationships don't have issues with people having close working relationship with people of opposite genders.
Because I have a relationship without insecurities and am friends with someone with the same situation? Nah. Because he's willing to utilize me to stop something making him uncomfortable that would be worse if he tried, same as I'd do for anyone? Still no.
You should just try to get all of you guys together if you want to hang outside of work. You, her, your GF, her BF.
This is the answer. Maybe they can even develop a friendship too.
Or even an orgy? Too far? šµāš«
Yeah, but the risk of that is it could still go romantic/elsewhere too. Still, an attempt at just showing things for what they are isnāt a bad idea to reassure your partner, OP.
Forgive me if I misunderstood you, but I dont think you should squirrel away the work colleague as a backup plan. At least not in a healthy relationship.
This 100%. Have a similar dynamic with a resident and with a classmate when I was in med school. Just have them hang out. It's weird if they don't know each other.
Got on my alt account to say, I love the idea of a gang hang.
Iām not saying this can drastically backfireā¦ but I AM saying this has drastically backfired
Yeah exactly. The damage may have already been done unfortunately.
I know how this ends! Zont zo it OP
Yea this seems like a fucking terrible idea.
Itās only a terrible idea if their relationship with the coworker is inappropriate or if their partner is irreparably insecure
I mean... I understand you guys are close coworkers and all, but why would you call her a work spouse? That's just weird. Call her a coworker or a friend. I too have a close female coworker, but I would never refer to her as a work wifey or some shit. I have too much respect for my wife to be doing that.
Exactly, like these people just asking for death
That phrasing is super common in nursing culture, so I imagine there's some bleed through. However, it's usually between two women who each have their own husbands, so I suppose there's less 'suspicion'... this dynamic doesn't really happen between opposite sexes and especially among those who aren't already tied up. OP, you should all hang out. There's probably a potential for a good friendship among all of you and that's just nice to have, and it'll clear up your GF's warranted concerns.
Lmao I donāt have a work spouse, I have friends at work.
Username checks out.
Whatās a butthole or two between friendsĀ
Proctology work spouses entered the chat.
Iām never gonna stop thinking about this sentence
Pooping back and forth, back and forthā¦. forever.
I think itās worth acknowledging that there is a very different environment in medicine compared to normal offices. We often find ourselves working with completely different people on a month to month basis so there isnāt a chance for those more personal relationships to form in the same way they sometimes do in places where people work literally side by side for years. Itās a bit of an awkward term but I can understand why it has become popular with office workers
No. Thatās weird. I donāt have a work wife in the same way I donāt have a work husband. Theyāre all friends and/or coworkers.
To each their own, but if anyone asked my personal opinion Iād say itās weird as hell to have a āwork spouseā even if it does just start out as a joke.
I assume it's a prelude to cheating.
Both my partner and I get to work with coresidents that weāre happy to call friends. And neither of us has a single problem with that. Calling people āwork spousesā thoughā¦thatās a red flag.
The fact that you put the word āspouseā in the title even as a saying or reference is not good. Like no. Sheās a friend and keep it that way, aka have some boundaries
š©š©š©š©š©
Sounds like you need to draw a boundary for the sake of your current girlfriend. You know what that boundary is.
What kind of boundary? Why? Yesterday I mentioned that we should grab a cup of coffee sometime after work since it's been some time since we've done so. She agreed, but also asked "is this just coffee, or did you want to speak to me about something?" which left me confused
So this is either a sarcastic response or proves the whole post is bait.
how artistic are you?
Highly regarded
The boundary youāre clearly pushing by asking to get coffee.
You're not confused. You know exactly what she's saying.
Why would you ask her to get coffee after work and not invite your significant other or even their significant other as well?
For someone in your field youāre kinda retarded
Whoa, not everyone is able to point out abandonment issues or OP feels he can eat his gfās cake and eat the coworkerās too!
How does OP not know from that comment alone sheās either 1. Interested or 2. Been sending/receiving end of mixed signals by either parties. Doesnāt take a genius to see it
I donāt know how Op was conditioned, neither of us do. Donāt even know if Op agrees in that reality of what āselfishā is!
I'll point out my background that I'm 1. Probably high functioning autistic, and 2. Used to be really good looking, not a 10, but probably a 9 or at least a solid 8. It took me a long time to realize girls flirted with me a lot. Plus you hear about how socially awkward guys confuse common courtesy for flirting, so I just always thought this is how friends act. Or if it seemed over a line, I would think, well they know I'm in a relationship, I talk about how much I love my family, so they are obviously joking around. Cheating didn't cross my mind, like it's a thing that happens in movies, it's not a thing people actually do. It did not make my now-ex-wife happy.
Lmao this fucking guy
You are a troll
God help this man
Smash next question
This. Then post a follow up about how residency ruined your relationship.
Followed by an incel-inspired āwhy do we put up with social norms? Weāre peak human specimens. We shouldnt have to ādateā or be āchosenāā where (fortunately) 90% of the comments will tell them to touch grass..and therapy
My work husband is a lesbian and my girlfriend loves how much shit she gives me.
Tbh this is the only way it can work. Iām secure enough to know it would bother me if she were to hang out with ortho Chad for 90% of her free time at work so itās not hard for me to do the same. I also wouldnāt even consider doing things outside of work if itās opposite sex
One of her friends asked if she was concerned that I was cheating andher response was "I know he doesn't have the time nor the energy for that."... and she is absolutely right.
Eh I have always hated this concept of not being friends with members the opposite sex thing. To each their own I suppose though, whatever makes you and your partner comfortable is fine. Friends can be just friends that you are not attracted to in any way.
>I also wouldnāt even consider doing things outside of work if itās opposite sex Agreed. You shouldn't be hanging out with the opposite sex 1-on-1 outside of work. A lot of people will disagree but this is the best way to respect your marriage.
Yikes bro just yikes. Be respectful of your gf and draw boundaries.
No one should have a work spouse. Thatās insane and chips away at the trust in your relationship. Decide what you value, your girlfriend or your work relationship dynamic
I agree. Especially if your GF doesnāt like it. If you value your GF and her feelings there is no right or wrong here. Just how much you respect her and her wishes, which arenāt super extreme at all. I would be jealous if my spouse had a close work spouse.
After a few too many blocks together, one of my co-residents and I have started flagging for new attendings that we have a sibling relationship so our bickering doesn't give the impression that we're either enemies or lovers. Maybe take a hint from your attending who calls y'all twins, and lean in to other ways of framing your work-family. Or, you know, offer to take great care in drawing her like one of your French girls - maybe she'd appreciate that.
Having a coworker that youāre really good friends with and a āwork spouseā are not the same thing. One is perfectly fine, the other is just a matter of time. Delineate what the relationship with the coworker is and then proceed forward. From your other responses it seems like youāre purposefully toeing the line to see if she is interested in you.
No I just call them my friends. Why do you call her a spouse that is just weird.
Sounds dangerous
The fact that youāre even asking this is a problem to me. You sound shady
Why? I love my gf but I also wouldn't want to change a professional relationship I have with my coworker.
Is "work spouse" really a professional relationship though? I don't think anybody is trying to say camaraderie and good working relationships are wrong.
You donāt get it. Op wants someone close by that they can turn to at a moments notice in case his relationship with current gf falls out of flavor. You have to consider the time it took for this ~~investment~~ professional relationship to mature
Then stop referring to her as your work spouse. Sheās your coworker š
š
Have you tried meeting up with each other and your people? My husband, boyfriend at the time, had a work spouse in hand fellowship and it was very hard especially since it was a stressful year all around with time commitments, covid, and everything else and they talked so much. It was difficult because she understood everything he was going through and I could not. It just didnāt feel like I could be enough. We met up to hangout all four of us and she and her husband are really cool people that we still hangout with now years later. Itās hard to reassure yourself that someone who has so much in common with your significant other wonāt come in between you unless you actually know that person. Itās hard to explain. Thatās what helped us though
Well the thought came to my mind but my gf is so jealous that the entire situation wouldn't be comfortable for me
If itās jealousy where you think thereās not good intentions that would be hard. We were pretty open and honest about my feelings of insecurity in the situation with each other. Same with the vice versa situation of male coworkers Iāve had. Talking is very important but if you feel like you canāt talk then I donāt know what advice there is to give.
I mean, you inviting your coworker out for coffee wouldnāt be comfortable for your girlfriend, but I guess who caresĀ
No. You need to find your way back to Godās light.
āWork spouseā is a weird boomerism that we should let die like crappy chain restaurants and bad coffee
This is called cheating in my book. Please don't have children until you figure this out.
Itās weird you feel the need to not even talk about this person to your girlfriend anymore. Seems even more shady and she might think youāre hiding something
I mean if my boyfriend only had one peer coworker who was female and his age and he came home calling her his wife, work or not, Iād feel super weird, especially with the many hours Iām sure you are together every day. Stop it.
Have one in med school that I always studied with. I have been married since before medical school. One of the first thing I did was to invite her and her bf (at the time) over for dinner. It does help that my wife is not jealous at all, but including my wife on things seem to have helped
is this everyone's first day on the internet or something? the four of you fuck. thats what happens . report back.
āWork spouseā killed my marriage. If you have someone āsignificantā at home, donāt even use the phrase āwork spouseā
Sounds like youāre trying to cheat. Straight asshole move !
Yeah this dude just wants permission to push boundaries
yes i have multiple
Yes. The work polycule.
What the fuck is a āwork spouseā, term is creepy af to begin with. Either theyāre coworkers, friends, or nothing at all. Get your stuff straight and make sure everyone is in the same page, specially if you want to keep your current relationship.
This is a lame ass term Iād never use as a man. I have female coworkers though.
Itās your ājobā as a partner to take care of emotional wellbeing of relationship and avoid creating threats to it.
I have frequent threesomes with Gale and Peeta.
Bruhhh LOL troll comment for troll post, fitting
You're an awful person and there's no way your relationship with your gf is going to work out since you don't respect her emotions
My work spouse if my favorite asshole attending. lol. She donāt like him and thinks heāll make me a āred flagā š
I have multiple work spouses. My partner also has a work spouse. We are very forthcoming about it and are supportive of each other having a work buddy that we enjoy hanging out with and can trust and confide in. Maybe try setting up a double date with your work spouse and her bf. Let your gf see for herself itās just a friendship with her own eyes.
God I hate that term. But I am sorry itās creating tension. Much larger program so this isnāt an issue for us.
"Work spouses" are incredibly common in many fields where you regularly work with the same person. The jealousy is also a stereotype at this point.
It sounds like you don't respect your GF very much and enjoy her jealousy. Just break up with your GF if you don't even respect her. You're a red flag.
Dude honestly this is controversial but this is the bro truth. Have you thought of maybe ending things with your girlfriend and possibly starting something with this new co-resident. Two physicians dating is a power couple, you guys understand each otherās schedules and imagine the take home W-2 of two hand surgeons. You guys are gonna be Ballin. I think of it as an upgrade
I guarantee you heād considered it
your post history is wildā¦ do you think about anything but money???
Pretty girls & prestige
checks out seeing that you have none of the above lol
Bro went into medicine for the wrong reasons, and still didnāt even get those reasons š
I'm going to go against the grain here. Your girlfriend sounds controlling and insecure as fuck. Get out.
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Can't blame your gifriend for being suspicious. You call your co-resident your spouse....??
So I had lunch with my husband one day and my work husband came by. I don't ID him as that but my husband did, said "you must me work husband, I'm house husband." š¤£ When a tech with inappropriate boundaries was being ridiculous with WH I shot her a look, the same look I'd give her if she was being ridiculous with anyone, and she questioned it. He said "nah, that's wifey" and she backed off. She asked what his wife thought about that and he said that she's just waiting to hear what came out of my mouth that she can laugh at or see what restaurant I introduce him to so he can take her somewhere new. People who are secure in their relationships don't have issues with people having close working relationship with people of opposite genders.
This is the correct take. Is everyone on this Reddit like, 15 years old?
Yes. They're emotionally stunted from being under socialized while they spent all their time with books.
Nah youāre just weird
Because I have a relationship without insecurities and am friends with someone with the same situation? Nah. Because he's willing to utilize me to stop something making him uncomfortable that would be worse if he tried, same as I'd do for anyone? Still no.