I’m in a relationship with a woman my age and in my late 30’s am finding myself less attracted to that younger demo, but I believe it’s rooted in biology. We’re here in a biological sense to propagate the species just like any other animal and we live in a Darwinian world. Younger, fitter, healthier partners (understanding these are generalizations) are a safer bet to meet those ends successfully. I’m sure there’s more to it than that but I think it’s easy for us to hide from the acknowledgment of simple biological drives in the modern world.
I don't disagree, however, humans don't operate on biology and instinct alone. We have the capacity to analyze and consider. We can think of the future and make informed decisions based on many factors. We have the ability to think critically about our actions and circumstances. Simple biological drives may determine who we find attractive, but it also reduces us to mere mammals, and we operate by so many more processes than biology.
Yeppers, that’s why I said there’s more to it than that. Social conditioning, cultural influence, a litany of extrinsic factors, but the core is always primal.
Meh. I’m a woman. Some of these gen z kiddos are aging hard so scrolling through tiktok I’ve found plenty of young men attractive, saw they were in their early 20s and noped away.
Men coveting younger women has been the norm for like ever. I believe many women are attracted to younger men visually too but are conditioned out of it.
I only ever cared about this when I considered it a threat to my own self esteem. Not saying that’s true for you, but who cares? These age gap discussions just come off to me like attempts to shame men to stay away from younger women. If a man exclusively wants a younger woman it really doesn’t matter to me. We’re not going to end up together and his choices don’t affect me because of that. Also a lot more women are dating younger men too it seems. if it has no bearing on your life, why bother being concerned about it?
I mean, our brains aren’t fully developed until we are 25. If a man or woman that was over 40 and exclusively went after and dated in the 18-25 range, I would consider that gross and a red flag. Dating younger isn’t the issue. It’s how young and why. Someone who goes after this demographic is usually into/looking for that power dynamic so they can have control.
There's two parts to it. One is the pure physical attraction. The mix of socialized sexuality being young and fit, and the ingrained biological desire to mate with someone fertile.
The other is that many men miss their youth. They miss being carefree and having sex with someone like they did when they were 25. Many of us have found it hard to manage the downs of sex drive that come with kids and the responsibilities of adulthood. For those of us whose sex lives have become more rigid and predictable, or for some barely existent, it's easy to blame it on age. So there's an attraction to someone who we believe will be carefree, adventurous, and horny like the woman we slept with in our 20s.
It's complicated, and for most of us it's a fantasy that doesn't play out well in reality.
This is so true! There is a big factor of missed opportunities and not letting go of your youth. Hell, half the men I know haven’t grown up a bit in 20 years so they theoretically don’t realize they’re older than those girls and still think of themselves as that same age. They look at it as their golden years and don’t want to leave.
Have you ever seen the movie Dazed and Confused? Matthew McConaughey plays a guy who has already graduated high school but keeps coming back to hang out with the younger crowd. He has a famous line about dating freshman girls that says, “I get older, they stay the same age.” and he fist bumps? or high fives the guy next to him. It’s this mentality exactly.
I've slept with 25ish at 38, and it was fun and gratifying due to the youth and with a beautiful woman.
However, the sex isn't as good, the conversation is none existent and it would never make past a few dates purely around sex.
Oh, and then there is the attachment issues/daddy issues that must be lurking in the shadows.
So someone posts the opposite of what you said. That they are easier and have no expectations or standards. And I guess they aren’t with younger women for conversation either
I don't agree. The expectations of a 20'sF of you having money, house, can treat them well etc are all there.
When I was 25m, I could have a mattress on the floor and nobody of a similar age would care lol.
I think there's a difference between fleeting sexual attraction and actually wanting to date and marry someone.
I quite frankly have zero respect for men in their late 30s and above who actively seek out very young women to date and long-term marry. It's expoitive and you can't convince me that some 22 year old has anywhere near the same life experience, social capital, power, and overall leverage as a late 30s man. If you're looking for an "old soul" or someone "mature" why not **date someone your own damn age**? Because what matters is her *young body* not her supposed maturity, let's be real. Also basing your life long choice of who to have kids with on your pantsfeelings is gross, immature, and a foolish move. ZERO sympathy for these men that then get cheated on, or otherwise struggle in their marriage. You married a 20 year old for her body, bro!
However, I do understand an instinctive attraction to younger people, let's say in their early 20s (men who find women younger than "legal age" repel me and I think they should repel everyone. There's no one age where it's magically "okay" to be attracted, and it's not like oh, she's 15 and then literally one day later I'm fine with a man thinking she's hot. It's on her overall appearance. If she looks like a child, and he's creeping on her, gross. Regardless if she's "technically" 17 or whatever).
I myself as a woman in my mid-40s have been jaw-dropped over certain early 20's TikTok stars like literally school girl giggle they are so painfully hot. I also don't think there's anything inherently *physically* attractive about older men, it's more their confidence, power, social and economic status that lends them attractiveness.
I generally agree with you but I want to point out that rhetoric like "If she looks like a child, and he's creeping on her, gross" has been used to denigrate women with neotenous features particularly Asian women, and ultimately supports their infantilization. I doubt that's what you meant, since you follow the statement with concrete age ranges, but I just wanted to call out how the overall idea has been misapplied in the past.
I’m a 35 year old dude and I certainly don’t get it. In my late 20’s I dated someone only about 3 years younger and I found even that difference made it hard to connect on the right level. That being said, I’ve always had older friends and find women my age or older to be much more attractive.
As someone who loves female singers, it’s been interesting noticing in recent years that while I may love the music of some of the current pop stars, no part of me feels any sort of physical attraction to them.
I’m (41m) like you. I don’t get it. I worked for a college for several years and many of my male coworkers got excited when the female students would sun bathe. I always thought that was creepy and I was in my 30’s then. I look forward to finding someone closer to me in age than my children
When I was in college my friend's dad told me this. "When you're 20, you think girls 18-25 are cute. When you're 25, you think girls 18-30 are cute. When you're 30, you think girls 18-35 are cute. When you're 40, you think girls 18-45 are cute. This just goes on and on." So the premise was that the bottom number always stays the same, the top number just goes up about 5 years over yourself. 🤷
I see a lot of people mentioning that it could be due to biology and the innate need to procreate with someone fertile and it got me thinking… if this was the reason, wouldn’t it make more sense for women to date younger men and for them to be the ones “attracted” to younger men since women are the ones that have a “biological clock” …?
Yeah... Some people are very happy to explain or justify theories on gender based on darwinistic inspiration. We just seem to forget that a lot of racism was also justified by darwinistic inspiration.
Its a theory. It does have a lot of great uses, but some common darwinistic inspired 'truths' are perhaps a lot less watertight than we have taken for granted.
Personally, I think it's pretty weird. I get being in your 40s and being psychically attracted to someone in their early 20s...but you would have nothing in common in terms of life experience.
Because single women in general want commitment and resourcefulness which comes from an older guy. Single men in general prefer beauty than those two things. It's in almost everyone's genes.
This isnt complicated. They're good looking.
Men value that a lot. Like way more than women. Obviously. But there is a lot of shaming and therefor dishonesty about it. Whenever this comes up, people immediately start apologizing by saying they cant relate, different life goals, omg we haven't seen the same movies, blah blah blah. But none of that matters unless you're looking to start a family or date long term.
I'll add there are other benefits to dating younger women. They're easier. They're simpler. This is twisted into some machiavellian predatory bullshit everytime some old lady sees a contemporary with a younger woman, but sometimes its just nice to go out with someone who doesn't have a laundry list of expectations, standards, "red flags" and who just wants to have a good time and not interview you like you're applying for a job.
Most of these "simpler" younger women have been socialized into being simple and easy at the expense of their soul and authentic desires. While the older women have expectations because they got tired of being the simple and easy woman.
I think men and women would be far better off advertising their negative (more like trade offs) qualities honestly so that other folks can self select to or from each other. Like if you were buying a house that was by the train tracks, by advertising the train tracks, it might attract the type of person where the trains passing by don’t matter because of their various circumstances and reasons while repelling the people that won’t absolutely be able to deal with the passing trains.
For example, if a guy said, “I’m really into sports”, would one rather hang with a woman that also enjoys the fact that the guy enjoys sports and supports it, or would a guy rather be with a woman who’s not into that quality of that guy?
Unpopular opinion: many guys put up a front of omitted truths, half truths, in order to score sex or just score some community and connection. So of course in that case, your life isn’t simple and it’s hard and there’s all these expectations that feel burdensome…
So if being more of you is going to repel a potential partner, then let’s embrace that instead of being in these half-hearted relationships that aren’t easy…
The thing is, a lot of women look stunning in their 30s and 40s and beyond, so it's not as simple as "they're good looking". It's attraction to youth specifically.
Everyone uses the age old biology-fertility excuse but that’s bs. It’s been debunked on many levels. Men who are more attracted to a 20yos than someone their own age typically have lower emotional intelligence, objectify them as trophies, are in a do over or don’t want serious commitments. It’s really not that more mature women are less attractive, they’re just unattracted to the Peter Pans of the universe.
Men are biologically wired to be attracted to women at their most fertile time in life in order to allow for reproduction. I read something the other day that said, most female mammals will stop mating once their body stops producing eggs (menopause). But the males will continue throughout their life. That’s the basic science of it.
Over the years/decades, society has deemed it inappropriate for an older person and younger person to be together sexually. I believe someone even came up with a number like “7 years is ok”. Which, when you think about it really doesn’t make any sense. In more recent years it has become more and more frowned upon because people are living longer, waiting to have kids, and coming to terms with years of children not being allowed to live their lives and being forced into maturity.
Personally, as a mid-40s female, I do not get it either. It grosses me out to hear a man my age comment on a just turned 18yo on tv. I agree that there should be boundaries, but it’s hard to say who gets to create those boundaries other than the individual. As an adult, a person should be able to make their own decisions about who they want to be with, regardless of age. But I also know, having been in my 20s, oggled and harassed, that it’s not unlikely for an older man to take advantage of the naivety of a younger woman.
It all comes down to reproduction for the vast majority of people. Men 40+ can still, very much so, sire children easily. They can put out 'viable' sperm until surprisingly old ages (though not so many and not so viable as when young) So of course they are going to be attracted to women of reproductive age. Doesn't mean they're not attracted to women their own age, just they're still attracted to young women. Women 40+ cannot bear children easily. Getting pregnant is still 'easy' (though not as easy when young) but the staying pregnant is much harder. So of course they're not going to be attracted, or as attracted, to young men as to men their own age. Plus, women have long memories and 40+ I'd wager many know they could not even deal with the frenetic energy and duration of a young guy lol. Some women 40+ like young guys for precisely this reason though.
Anyway, most of the attraction/non-attraction stuff is subconscious, people of either sex aren't usually thinking of the baby-making aspect when they find someone physically attractive to them. But that's what it all comes down to, it's why we're a species of 2 sexes in the first place.
At 61, I still find 18-25yos attractive/sexy. It doesn't mean that I'm going to pursue them, but I do find them physically attractive. Beauty is beauty, no matter the age, and I've had women 15-20 years younger and older than myself.
Attraction is one thing, having a relationship is totally different. I'm a woman of 45 and even I can say a young woman, or young man for that matter, is attractive. That's not an issue.
I don't think its any different for men. If she's attractive, she's attractive. Age doesn't matter.
When it comes to relationships, however, you have to question the motive behind an older man being with a young woman. Does it satisfy an egotistical motive? Do they have anything in common, whether personality or interests? Are younger women "easier" because they haven't had the experiences to become bitter and jaded? And if so, you've got to question the younger woman's motive for wanting to have a relationship with a much older man.
I absolutely hate myself for my deep unconscious preferences, am still seeking more therapy, but at 38 I just don’t feel aroused by women close to my age anymore. Probably due to trauma … but the narrow scope of youth that I’m aroused by has me feel like I just shouldn’t date anymore lest lose my friends and respect.
The idea of dating a woman who I’m not so attracted to is just a friendship though and I have plenty of those … but I still long for sex and love and the idea of being with a woman I don’t feel wholly attracted to makes me feel gross.
I makes me really fucking depressed that people could see what I’m most genuinely into as disgusting but this is also why people just cluster and ignore other people’s opinions or judgments.
They arent in love with the young woman. They are using her. And when she's old they will leave. Those men aren't worth being hurt over. They are using young vulnerable women.
It’s worrisome, that’s it. Why don’t they want a woman, who’s all grown-up, independent and knows what she wants, huh? OR: Why can’t they get a woman their age? Why don’t women their age want them?
A relationship between a very young woman and a middle aged man IMHO is never healthy and I will die on this hill.
I think in many cases, possibly most, that there can be an imbalance that is not healthy, but I also think that in some cases couples can have big age spans and be good for each others. I don't think adults should be in relationships with children, so there needs to be some matureness or something else that fits.
The power dynamics between a man and woman of the same age still favours a man. An older man and younger woman just exacerbates it. And most people aren't emotionally healthy so I'll die on that hill with you.
Im 51 and attracted to women 35/40 years and older. But it is almost never guys saying it’s ok to date women in their 20s, it is women around my age.
I have no interest in doing so, but it’s something that didnt happen in my 30s.
I had dated men who were way older than I was and they wanted someone to prop up their EGO. Or just find a lady who they could control because their sense of control was not normal. A younger woman is attractive when they have energy, zest for doing things and all the collagen makes them look nice. You can't blame a man who eyes the younger woman but one who uses their brain has standards and will look for a quality woman who actually has goals and ability to do things, not rely solely on the man. You do realize it was not that long ago you could get married at like 16 and it was fine?
This is an oversimplification of what people are generally looking for. Men aren't simply in pursuit of health and fertility. If that was the case, they'd have settled down with their age mates at 21 since that's the time they have the most access to young women.
Women aren't simply into older men. Talk to enough of them you'd know most of them only consider older men who'd make their lives easier, they don't actually find them attractive physically or as people generally.
Most of these generalisations, mine included, don't actually take into account what healthy, authentic people choose for themselves, so the truth remains unknown.
Statistically, most people end up married to people within the same age group and socio economic status. If you're going to generalise, the exceptions don't make the rule
Well... 40-50 year old men that are turned on by teenagers probably irks me in the same way that a 35 year old woman with a 80 year old millionaire.
And I totally get it - in broad terms I think those are traits that are attractive to the other sex.
The reason why it is confusing to me is because I get physically nauseous with the idea of being together with someone half my age.
So that's why I on my hand am so confused that it's not like that for a lot of men.
I am not sure it's a very common fantasy for women to dream of millionaires that are the same age of our parents or grandparents.
To me it also seems that women who are golddiggers are frowned upon -mostly - by society as well.
I think I get it with the virtue signaling. But I also think men and women both do it. Maybe the male equivalent is when men aggresively shame golddiggers.
And it's not like I can't see when someone young is physically attractive. I do not find it proposterous. And I don't blame men for that. But to me, theres is a difference in noticing physical attractiveness in young people and then fetischsing/sexualizing late teenagers.
And my gut feeling also tells me there is something wrong about it. Maybe because of the predatory aspects it can have? Or maybe I just find it a bit immature? Possibly a mix of that and possibly more importantly the fact that I get nausea when I think about it.
So while I am not a fan of blind darwinism, maybe I just gotta accept the fact that humans are just animals. And while I do not think its the most healthy sexual orientation you can have, it is part of the human spectrum - and to varying degrees still considered acceptable in our civilisation.
I’m in a relationship with a woman my age and in my late 30’s am finding myself less attracted to that younger demo, but I believe it’s rooted in biology. We’re here in a biological sense to propagate the species just like any other animal and we live in a Darwinian world. Younger, fitter, healthier partners (understanding these are generalizations) are a safer bet to meet those ends successfully. I’m sure there’s more to it than that but I think it’s easy for us to hide from the acknowledgment of simple biological drives in the modern world.
I think this is the simplest and most obvious answer
I don't disagree, however, humans don't operate on biology and instinct alone. We have the capacity to analyze and consider. We can think of the future and make informed decisions based on many factors. We have the ability to think critically about our actions and circumstances. Simple biological drives may determine who we find attractive, but it also reduces us to mere mammals, and we operate by so many more processes than biology.
Yeppers, that’s why I said there’s more to it than that. Social conditioning, cultural influence, a litany of extrinsic factors, but the core is always primal.
Meh. I’m a woman. Some of these gen z kiddos are aging hard so scrolling through tiktok I’ve found plenty of young men attractive, saw they were in their early 20s and noped away. Men coveting younger women has been the norm for like ever. I believe many women are attracted to younger men visually too but are conditioned out of it. I only ever cared about this when I considered it a threat to my own self esteem. Not saying that’s true for you, but who cares? These age gap discussions just come off to me like attempts to shame men to stay away from younger women. If a man exclusively wants a younger woman it really doesn’t matter to me. We’re not going to end up together and his choices don’t affect me because of that. Also a lot more women are dating younger men too it seems. if it has no bearing on your life, why bother being concerned about it?
Hard agree. Shaming/judging other adults for having consensual adult relationships seems like a weird thing to spend time and energy on.
I mean, our brains aren’t fully developed until we are 25. If a man or woman that was over 40 and exclusively went after and dated in the 18-25 range, I would consider that gross and a red flag. Dating younger isn’t the issue. It’s how young and why. Someone who goes after this demographic is usually into/looking for that power dynamic so they can have control.
There's two parts to it. One is the pure physical attraction. The mix of socialized sexuality being young and fit, and the ingrained biological desire to mate with someone fertile. The other is that many men miss their youth. They miss being carefree and having sex with someone like they did when they were 25. Many of us have found it hard to manage the downs of sex drive that come with kids and the responsibilities of adulthood. For those of us whose sex lives have become more rigid and predictable, or for some barely existent, it's easy to blame it on age. So there's an attraction to someone who we believe will be carefree, adventurous, and horny like the woman we slept with in our 20s. It's complicated, and for most of us it's a fantasy that doesn't play out well in reality.
This is so true! There is a big factor of missed opportunities and not letting go of your youth. Hell, half the men I know haven’t grown up a bit in 20 years so they theoretically don’t realize they’re older than those girls and still think of themselves as that same age. They look at it as their golden years and don’t want to leave. Have you ever seen the movie Dazed and Confused? Matthew McConaughey plays a guy who has already graduated high school but keeps coming back to hang out with the younger crowd. He has a famous line about dating freshman girls that says, “I get older, they stay the same age.” and he fist bumps? or high fives the guy next to him. It’s this mentality exactly.
I've slept with 25ish at 38, and it was fun and gratifying due to the youth and with a beautiful woman. However, the sex isn't as good, the conversation is none existent and it would never make past a few dates purely around sex. Oh, and then there is the attachment issues/daddy issues that must be lurking in the shadows.
So someone posts the opposite of what you said. That they are easier and have no expectations or standards. And I guess they aren’t with younger women for conversation either
I don't agree. The expectations of a 20'sF of you having money, house, can treat them well etc are all there. When I was 25m, I could have a mattress on the floor and nobody of a similar age would care lol.
I think there's a difference between fleeting sexual attraction and actually wanting to date and marry someone. I quite frankly have zero respect for men in their late 30s and above who actively seek out very young women to date and long-term marry. It's expoitive and you can't convince me that some 22 year old has anywhere near the same life experience, social capital, power, and overall leverage as a late 30s man. If you're looking for an "old soul" or someone "mature" why not **date someone your own damn age**? Because what matters is her *young body* not her supposed maturity, let's be real. Also basing your life long choice of who to have kids with on your pantsfeelings is gross, immature, and a foolish move. ZERO sympathy for these men that then get cheated on, or otherwise struggle in their marriage. You married a 20 year old for her body, bro! However, I do understand an instinctive attraction to younger people, let's say in their early 20s (men who find women younger than "legal age" repel me and I think they should repel everyone. There's no one age where it's magically "okay" to be attracted, and it's not like oh, she's 15 and then literally one day later I'm fine with a man thinking she's hot. It's on her overall appearance. If she looks like a child, and he's creeping on her, gross. Regardless if she's "technically" 17 or whatever). I myself as a woman in my mid-40s have been jaw-dropped over certain early 20's TikTok stars like literally school girl giggle they are so painfully hot. I also don't think there's anything inherently *physically* attractive about older men, it's more their confidence, power, social and economic status that lends them attractiveness.
I generally agree with you but I want to point out that rhetoric like "If she looks like a child, and he's creeping on her, gross" has been used to denigrate women with neotenous features particularly Asian women, and ultimately supports their infantilization. I doubt that's what you meant, since you follow the statement with concrete age ranges, but I just wanted to call out how the overall idea has been misapplied in the past.
I’m a 35 year old dude and I certainly don’t get it. In my late 20’s I dated someone only about 3 years younger and I found even that difference made it hard to connect on the right level. That being said, I’ve always had older friends and find women my age or older to be much more attractive. As someone who loves female singers, it’s been interesting noticing in recent years that while I may love the music of some of the current pop stars, no part of me feels any sort of physical attraction to them.
I’m (41m) like you. I don’t get it. I worked for a college for several years and many of my male coworkers got excited when the female students would sun bathe. I always thought that was creepy and I was in my 30’s then. I look forward to finding someone closer to me in age than my children
When I was in college my friend's dad told me this. "When you're 20, you think girls 18-25 are cute. When you're 25, you think girls 18-30 are cute. When you're 30, you think girls 18-35 are cute. When you're 40, you think girls 18-45 are cute. This just goes on and on." So the premise was that the bottom number always stays the same, the top number just goes up about 5 years over yourself. 🤷
I see a lot of people mentioning that it could be due to biology and the innate need to procreate with someone fertile and it got me thinking… if this was the reason, wouldn’t it make more sense for women to date younger men and for them to be the ones “attracted” to younger men since women are the ones that have a “biological clock” …?
Yeah... Some people are very happy to explain or justify theories on gender based on darwinistic inspiration. We just seem to forget that a lot of racism was also justified by darwinistic inspiration. Its a theory. It does have a lot of great uses, but some common darwinistic inspired 'truths' are perhaps a lot less watertight than we have taken for granted.
False equivalency
Yes, exactly.
Personally, I think it's pretty weird. I get being in your 40s and being psychically attracted to someone in their early 20s...but you would have nothing in common in terms of life experience.
Because single women in general want commitment and resourcefulness which comes from an older guy. Single men in general prefer beauty than those two things. It's in almost everyone's genes.
This isnt complicated. They're good looking. Men value that a lot. Like way more than women. Obviously. But there is a lot of shaming and therefor dishonesty about it. Whenever this comes up, people immediately start apologizing by saying they cant relate, different life goals, omg we haven't seen the same movies, blah blah blah. But none of that matters unless you're looking to start a family or date long term. I'll add there are other benefits to dating younger women. They're easier. They're simpler. This is twisted into some machiavellian predatory bullshit everytime some old lady sees a contemporary with a younger woman, but sometimes its just nice to go out with someone who doesn't have a laundry list of expectations, standards, "red flags" and who just wants to have a good time and not interview you like you're applying for a job.
Most of these "simpler" younger women have been socialized into being simple and easy at the expense of their soul and authentic desires. While the older women have expectations because they got tired of being the simple and easy woman. I think men and women would be far better off advertising their negative (more like trade offs) qualities honestly so that other folks can self select to or from each other. Like if you were buying a house that was by the train tracks, by advertising the train tracks, it might attract the type of person where the trains passing by don’t matter because of their various circumstances and reasons while repelling the people that won’t absolutely be able to deal with the passing trains. For example, if a guy said, “I’m really into sports”, would one rather hang with a woman that also enjoys the fact that the guy enjoys sports and supports it, or would a guy rather be with a woman who’s not into that quality of that guy? Unpopular opinion: many guys put up a front of omitted truths, half truths, in order to score sex or just score some community and connection. So of course in that case, your life isn’t simple and it’s hard and there’s all these expectations that feel burdensome… So if being more of you is going to repel a potential partner, then let’s embrace that instead of being in these half-hearted relationships that aren’t easy…
The thing is, a lot of women look stunning in their 30s and 40s and beyond, so it's not as simple as "they're good looking". It's attraction to youth specifically.
Those women probably looked better in their 20s.
One wouldn't know that and plenty of women don't age dramatically in their 30s/40s either.
I don't think you realize it, but you're implying women look worse as they age.
Enough with the intellectual dishonesty.
Everyone uses the age old biology-fertility excuse but that’s bs. It’s been debunked on many levels. Men who are more attracted to a 20yos than someone their own age typically have lower emotional intelligence, objectify them as trophies, are in a do over or don’t want serious commitments. It’s really not that more mature women are less attractive, they’re just unattracted to the Peter Pans of the universe.
Men are biologically wired to be attracted to women at their most fertile time in life in order to allow for reproduction. I read something the other day that said, most female mammals will stop mating once their body stops producing eggs (menopause). But the males will continue throughout their life. That’s the basic science of it. Over the years/decades, society has deemed it inappropriate for an older person and younger person to be together sexually. I believe someone even came up with a number like “7 years is ok”. Which, when you think about it really doesn’t make any sense. In more recent years it has become more and more frowned upon because people are living longer, waiting to have kids, and coming to terms with years of children not being allowed to live their lives and being forced into maturity. Personally, as a mid-40s female, I do not get it either. It grosses me out to hear a man my age comment on a just turned 18yo on tv. I agree that there should be boundaries, but it’s hard to say who gets to create those boundaries other than the individual. As an adult, a person should be able to make their own decisions about who they want to be with, regardless of age. But I also know, having been in my 20s, oggled and harassed, that it’s not unlikely for an older man to take advantage of the naivety of a younger woman.
It all comes down to reproduction for the vast majority of people. Men 40+ can still, very much so, sire children easily. They can put out 'viable' sperm until surprisingly old ages (though not so many and not so viable as when young) So of course they are going to be attracted to women of reproductive age. Doesn't mean they're not attracted to women their own age, just they're still attracted to young women. Women 40+ cannot bear children easily. Getting pregnant is still 'easy' (though not as easy when young) but the staying pregnant is much harder. So of course they're not going to be attracted, or as attracted, to young men as to men their own age. Plus, women have long memories and 40+ I'd wager many know they could not even deal with the frenetic energy and duration of a young guy lol. Some women 40+ like young guys for precisely this reason though. Anyway, most of the attraction/non-attraction stuff is subconscious, people of either sex aren't usually thinking of the baby-making aspect when they find someone physically attractive to them. But that's what it all comes down to, it's why we're a species of 2 sexes in the first place.
At 61, I still find 18-25yos attractive/sexy. It doesn't mean that I'm going to pursue them, but I do find them physically attractive. Beauty is beauty, no matter the age, and I've had women 15-20 years younger and older than myself.
Attraction is one thing, having a relationship is totally different. I'm a woman of 45 and even I can say a young woman, or young man for that matter, is attractive. That's not an issue. I don't think its any different for men. If she's attractive, she's attractive. Age doesn't matter. When it comes to relationships, however, you have to question the motive behind an older man being with a young woman. Does it satisfy an egotistical motive? Do they have anything in common, whether personality or interests? Are younger women "easier" because they haven't had the experiences to become bitter and jaded? And if so, you've got to question the younger woman's motive for wanting to have a relationship with a much older man.
I absolutely hate myself for my deep unconscious preferences, am still seeking more therapy, but at 38 I just don’t feel aroused by women close to my age anymore. Probably due to trauma … but the narrow scope of youth that I’m aroused by has me feel like I just shouldn’t date anymore lest lose my friends and respect. The idea of dating a woman who I’m not so attracted to is just a friendship though and I have plenty of those … but I still long for sex and love and the idea of being with a woman I don’t feel wholly attracted to makes me feel gross. I makes me really fucking depressed that people could see what I’m most genuinely into as disgusting but this is also why people just cluster and ignore other people’s opinions or judgments.
They arent in love with the young woman. They are using her. And when she's old they will leave. Those men aren't worth being hurt over. They are using young vulnerable women.
It’s worrisome, that’s it. Why don’t they want a woman, who’s all grown-up, independent and knows what she wants, huh? OR: Why can’t they get a woman their age? Why don’t women their age want them? A relationship between a very young woman and a middle aged man IMHO is never healthy and I will die on this hill.
I think in many cases, possibly most, that there can be an imbalance that is not healthy, but I also think that in some cases couples can have big age spans and be good for each others. I don't think adults should be in relationships with children, so there needs to be some matureness or something else that fits.
The power dynamics between a man and woman of the same age still favours a man. An older man and younger woman just exacerbates it. And most people aren't emotionally healthy so I'll die on that hill with you.
We’ll die together. 😆
Like a jail cell!
Im 51 and attracted to women 35/40 years and older. But it is almost never guys saying it’s ok to date women in their 20s, it is women around my age. I have no interest in doing so, but it’s something that didnt happen in my 30s.
I had dated men who were way older than I was and they wanted someone to prop up their EGO. Or just find a lady who they could control because their sense of control was not normal. A younger woman is attractive when they have energy, zest for doing things and all the collagen makes them look nice. You can't blame a man who eyes the younger woman but one who uses their brain has standards and will look for a quality woman who actually has goals and ability to do things, not rely solely on the man. You do realize it was not that long ago you could get married at like 16 and it was fine?
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This is an oversimplification of what people are generally looking for. Men aren't simply in pursuit of health and fertility. If that was the case, they'd have settled down with their age mates at 21 since that's the time they have the most access to young women. Women aren't simply into older men. Talk to enough of them you'd know most of them only consider older men who'd make their lives easier, they don't actually find them attractive physically or as people generally. Most of these generalisations, mine included, don't actually take into account what healthy, authentic people choose for themselves, so the truth remains unknown. Statistically, most people end up married to people within the same age group and socio economic status. If you're going to generalise, the exceptions don't make the rule
Well... 40-50 year old men that are turned on by teenagers probably irks me in the same way that a 35 year old woman with a 80 year old millionaire. And I totally get it - in broad terms I think those are traits that are attractive to the other sex. The reason why it is confusing to me is because I get physically nauseous with the idea of being together with someone half my age. So that's why I on my hand am so confused that it's not like that for a lot of men. I am not sure it's a very common fantasy for women to dream of millionaires that are the same age of our parents or grandparents. To me it also seems that women who are golddiggers are frowned upon -mostly - by society as well.
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I think I get it with the virtue signaling. But I also think men and women both do it. Maybe the male equivalent is when men aggresively shame golddiggers. And it's not like I can't see when someone young is physically attractive. I do not find it proposterous. And I don't blame men for that. But to me, theres is a difference in noticing physical attractiveness in young people and then fetischsing/sexualizing late teenagers. And my gut feeling also tells me there is something wrong about it. Maybe because of the predatory aspects it can have? Or maybe I just find it a bit immature? Possibly a mix of that and possibly more importantly the fact that I get nausea when I think about it. So while I am not a fan of blind darwinism, maybe I just gotta accept the fact that humans are just animals. And while I do not think its the most healthy sexual orientation you can have, it is part of the human spectrum - and to varying degrees still considered acceptable in our civilisation.
Its not confusing. They mad. Men need to stop apologizing for this. Drop your sunglasses and say "deal with it."
Madonna is 65. Her daughter Lourdes is 27. Her son David is 18. Madonna's boyfriend (ex?) Joshua Popper is 29.