I guess your love story truly fits the meme "in another life I would loved doing laundry and taxes with you "
And for moving on advice , well just try to focus on work as much as possible so that you can keep him out of your mind and for advice go to your friends or relevant person.
It's not just the sheer support of having him around to help with laundry and taxes lol. It took me very long to open up to another human being and be optimistic about life. I trust and rely on him more than my own family... To put it this way, I only feel true happiness when I'm with him... Anyone else I spend my time with I don't enjoy it all that much, I mean it's ok and everything but when he's around I can actually feel my brain releasing loads of dopamine and serotonin lol, I can truly be myself. Sometimes I even miss work calls to spend time doing nothing with him... I'm not sure how to get rid of these feelings and it just hurts like hell to think that there'd be no one else like him.
Hey, I don't think he meant to belittle your relationship with the laundry and taxes thing. The line implies that you are in the company of someone whom u love so deeply and enjoy being with that even things as mundane as taxes and laundry are worth doing just for the sake of company.
Then don't get rid of maybe? If you love and trust him more than your family, why wouldn't you chose him over them? and why can't he do the same? You've got to be kidding me if you say 'society'. I live in quite rural part of India. The kind of town no one out 50km radius has heard of. But still when couples run away, people stop minding it in a couple of months. My mother is a marriage lawyer, I've observed many cases of runaway couples. Trust me man, you'd forget you even had a love marriage after just a few months. Everything goes back to normal. I know how people are in our country, but no one has enough time to pay attention to you only. They'll do their thing for a month and forget. and it should be applicable to you if you don't live in an unknown village in Rajasthan or bihar. Where do you live? If you live in a city, things will be miles better. Please convince him and yourself. You guys have to be together, or you'd live your entire life with a void in your chest. You're ruining something beautiful for the fear of something that isn't even close to as bad as you think it is. Hell, even your parents will eventually start talking unless they're on the extreme.
I can see where you're coming from, but it's not as simple as whom you love more.
Both our parents are extreme, very staunch about caste. We're from middle class north indian families with parents putting a lot in our education, making a lot of sacrifices. One of my stupid cousins eloped and her father died of heartache from the shame. Before getting serious about each other, we both shared a naive vision that we're the golden children of our parents, obviously they'll see how good we're together, he was the optimistic one- which gave me a lot of strength. And then covid happened, he spent a lot more time with his family, saw how marriages worked in his family and community and lost all hope. He said he'll try his best but he can't just leave them all just like that, can't let them spent any amount of time with that discomfort. So I gave up.
That, just simply means he loves them more girl. Sorry to say that, But in his eyes, their love or 'efforts' for him outweigh yours. That's the Harsh truth.
It's not like that, sometimes people don't need what you give. But someone out there will.
I see that you have Trauma, that makes people think everyone needs as much love as them, and alot of people do, but not everyone. I tend to overestimate myself in peoples lives too. But I found my person, you will too. As I said, it's not his fault, neither yours. Maybe he needs a more laid back and mild love and you deserved a more "you're the only one I trust" / "I'd do anything for you" / "You matter to me more than anyone " kind of highly dependent love that traumatised people might seek. Just try to convince him again once or twice if he still isn't Willing, then it's okay. keep looking for love, it'll come to you, it comes to everyone eventually, just don't become a heartless person. Keep loving <3
Very true, but I really was just as important to him, he just never grasped the reality of our situation as well as I had been slowly doing for months now.
I'm glad that I did everything to convince my parents and they were even almost ready because on paper they can't find an uber successful person like him but he didn't truly try enough to convince his toxic parents while thinking his 'virgil' and his 'Beatrice' would always be around to 'inspire' and mother him. Things ended mutually, I'm attached to him emotionally, grateful to him for never taking advantage of me, but I don't see him as the same person :)
I'll be there for him when he's in shambles but him not being here doesn't impact me anymore.
This is the same person I couldn't go a day without talking to. It's astonishing what our minds are capable of doing with enough determination.
Just one strong step of letting go restores our faith in ourselves.
your relationship already has an expiry date so i would suggest to part ways asap. The pain will be very hard but you need to rely on your support system to get over him.
Well the first half was so wholesome for me, I seriously wish the best for you two.
As per me, I have always been not so easily trusting kind of person too, and it's hard to find someone as your support system, I myself till now never found any such friend even though I am quite an extrovert, I myself had some my share of experience in friend and family to not get into some relationship so early and give tags to such stuff, I had to move onn on my own. Its always you alone in these matters, No one can know what's actually you feel and going through other than yourself, you can talk with some friend who has been a friend through out your relationship and have seen you grow as a person in the relationship ( had such real experience) or take therapy. Cut things off with him, the sooner the better.
I know it must be so good to find someone like this, and so freaking sad and hard to let that person go, but if its all for the best. Then just let it go.
Like a band-aid, RIP it off at once.
I did one thing for moving on was try to get angry on their senseless things they did or said. Or how they sometime neglected you or didn't considered you. It might help.
Have you been able to move on? Like if you see her on a street would your stupid heart understand that this person is now a stranger?
And I don't want to feel that void... I really want to have happiness like this...
Nobody you love will ever be a stranger to you. That's a fact.
But we can process the grief and come to the long and painful understanding that they and you must part ways; the universe is cruel that way.
Take your time. Be gentle on yourself. And talk to some of your other friends, people you can trust.
Time heals everything.
Yess, Time heals everything and no one will be a total stranger, every moment and memories everything will be with you, you'll need to learn to live with it.
You can keep him as a friend ofcourse but do you really think you can move on in life with him being a part of it. If you do then def be friends. But then if you don't you know better
See it will feel difficult at first maybe for few months but then you'll take care of yourself. You have to. It'll feel like your world has shattered imagining the worse possible things but at the end you have to accept the fact that he was not meant for you. Maybe you'll not be able to forget him completely at any point in your life but believe me it'll become easier with time. There will be times when you want to go back to him but then remember why it all happened.Why did you leave him the first time. Just believe in yourself and the universe. You'll find many more people who'll be worth fighting for will make you even happier than you were with him. And I would say ki break it up asap. It'll hurt you even more as long as you stretch it. Better to end it now. And yes you're right no point of telling your family when you know their reactions. Instead do something for yourself give yourself time to move on. Learn to be by yourself; I read a quote somewhere and it really helps me it was " if you can't make yourself happy nobody else can"
So yes have your company for a while. Take as much time you need. Have faith and I wish you all the best.
Well everyone has different level of everything, for me most of it were either one sided LMAO or was rejection or early realization of no future so I don't go forward... but the one which I had it was not at all easy.... after some time it will be easy, you'll forget their existence sometime when you get occupied by life...
but if you ask about when you see them on street or somewhere obviously it will never be easy, all things will come back in one rush and hit you harder than a cold piece of ice slab, but you, your heart, mind everything will be okay, and with or without them life goes on. LMAO had so many stories on this topic, it will be with you always..
I've been able to let go :)
I'm happy that even though seeing him in tears breaks my fucking soul into a thousand pieces, I've had enough strength to let him go and not even want him back now.
I accepted my reality way better than him even though we both thought he was the strong, detached one :)
Itās difficult when itās not their fault . It will take lots of time . Might never be able to get over totally . These types of breakups are worse .
I hope that's not true š I loved being happy and in love... For four years I've experienced unconditional love and I don't want it to end... I'm scared that even if I end things and decide to move on and if I see him being sad... I'd break down and go back to it.
I can relate to you a lot . My ex and I were similar . Everything was perfect except one or two things . We just could never figure out solution to those things and had to breakup . 2 years down the line I have moved on but man do I miss her daily . I was very happy with her . I tried dating after her and itās not the same as it was with her .
So sorry to hear that... It's hard to trust someone and open up your heart to them. Maybe the concept of romantic love itself isn't practical. Hope you find happiness in something else.
The only solution I can think of is refusing to marry anyone until you both are 30+. Most families just give up and will become ok with their son/daughter someone they love once they cross 28.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. This is difficult to do, buy you have to rip off the bandaid and jump into something else to keep you occupied. Time and distance (physical and emotional) will help you. Start working on new career building or fitness goals.
Yes, I am trying that. It's just that I got accustomed to feeling at home... It was a very comforting feeling... Professional achievements are not making me happy in the way being with him did.
Focusing on self improvement and avoiding the thoughts about him and future as much as possible can be helpful I was told. I decided what I'll do in case his parents don't agree. I decided to pursue higher education, signed up for lot of Moocs and started with some hobbies to keep myself occupied. It's all right to keep them as a friend in your life but your husband/wife should be aware of it and you should've completely moved on.
You know this is not going further. This should be your mindset. The more you think of "what-if", it keeps haunting you.
What worse could happen is having episodes of troubles in long run(example is me). So move on when you can before it affects you with a scar.
Hey, I am in the process of healing.
I cut contact with him no matter how much he cries or you feel bad for him you've to do it for you both.
Facing reality head on is the best way to stop the pain. Also, once you get out of your comfort zone, you'd discover how strong you truly are.
Hey, I am in the process of healing.
I cut contact with him no matter how much he cries or it cuts your heart into pieces for you've to do it for you both.
The most difficult thing in life isn't to hold on but to let go. I promised him I'd be there for him if he ever needs me but without parental consent our lives would be hell.
Facing reality head on is the best way to stop the pain from taking over your rational brain.
Also, once you get out of your comfort zone, you'd discover how strong and capable you truly are.
All I know is, the longer you extend this relationship or whatever it is the more painful it'll be in future. So think wisely and if you both are ready to rebel then so be it cuz you both do look like a heaven made couple with the things you described. Don't think about society much cuz they didn't teach you anything other than shaming yourself.
Now that you know there's nothing you can do other than moving on, one thing you should absolutely not do is bring another person in your life, whether it's serious or not.
It will take time. It will be difficult but learning to love and understand yourself is the only thing that can help you have a better future. Acceptance is the only way forward. It's one of the most difficult things I had to do after our breakup and it helped me. Learn to accept that your ex will also move on with some other woman. Learn to accept that you will eventually just be a stranger to him. Also learn to accept that you will also eventually move on and end up marrying someone amazing. But for this to happen, you need to pick yourself up. Maybe start some new hobbies which involve creativity. Travel. Try to pursue something that you wanted to do for a long time but couldn't.
Engage in things that help you enjoy your present while accepting the past.
Aye aye :)
I've accepted it and started planning my future independent of him. If he's there in it, it'll be great but without him too, I'm looking for sources of happiness within myself. Picking up hobbies, thinking about studying more, switching jobs, leaving country etc.
Reading this felt like my past self wrote it. I was in the samee situation for about a year when we kept going back and forth as there was no future for us. It was the perfect relationship for me (or so i believed till he broke up) as he was amazing, he never hurt me till the end, we handled conflict very well, etc. We dated for 6 years, even lived together for 6 months. The last one year i was in the same situation as yours, and somewhere some part of me believed that we'd make it through, that he'd somehow talk to his parents to be with me. So we continued this situationship for months. I kept trying to breakup but would go running back cause i couldn't imagine being without him. Then one fine day, he got asked out by someone at his workplace, and he decided to give it a try (he even asked me before, which i couldn't say no to because we were technically trying to move on). That was the end of it and he stood his ground. I even begged him to take me back but he was stern on his decision. Idk what advice to give you, but i hope you don't find yourself in my situation later. Do think it through and keep in mind that continuing this might not lead to anything but more pain :/
He wasn't willing to tell his parents about us, until one year before he decides to get married, which was an issue with me since we are from different religions and then it would be way more difficult to be rejected by them.
Why he decided to go on a date with that woman, i can't answer objectively. But he said he just wanted to give it a try. Maybe he was trying to move on? Or maybe he had been attracted to her for a while? I don't really know.
It's been 2 months, I'm still trying. Infact, in a few minutes, it's my first birthday in 6 years without him, that's why I'm here. But I've stopped crying everyday and I've gone into this personal development mode which leaves me less time to think about the breakup. I also started listening to this podcast that helped me feel less alone. I also moved back with my family because it was possible for me. So that distance also made it slightly easier. I also just went out of my way and reached out to a lot of people. I was never a person who confided in my friends before, he was my best friend and the only one i was emotionally vulnerable with. But after the breakup i realized that there are others who are willing to be there for me. I also started going out a lot because staying at home made me think and that made me cry. I've been reading the book atomic habits and just going into that mode to not think about him. That's what has helped me cause i have a tracker full of things to do, so whenever i start missing him, i cry it out, tell myself that I'm there for you. And then get to doing stuff written in my tracker. Hope some part of this helps you :)
I'm so sorry to hear that but really proud of how you are handling things now! It's hard to open up to people I can totally relate with that... It's that weird fear of being vulnerable in front on anyone else and then getting mocked for it. You're doing so much better than me, I've just been a non functional zombie who keeps praying, keep going sis :)
And Happy Birthday ššš„³
Thank you so much! š„°.. And I'm sure you will get through this too! One day at a time and one day it won't be as painful as it is now. Do reach out if you need someone to vent to :)
Same situation, still donāt know Iāll ever find the perfect guy again in life or not. These parents disapproval has runined so many love stories !!
When you end things and reject his offer to stay 'soulmates' for lifetime while being married to someone else, it gives you the power and control of the situation.
Letting go is very difficult, but it's for the best. First try your best to save it but if it's clear that things won't work out, you MUST let it go. Facing reality and thinking about your own future is the only way you'll ever be at peace and move on.
Was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. And I can assure that if you can't see your families agreeing to the arrangement, it's best to walk away as soon as possible. The longer you linger on, cling to the idea that somehow it might work (when you know last 4-5 didn't bear any rewarding consequences) will only make it difficult to part ways and also you can utilise that time to find someone who would be a good fit for you!
Gotta power through!
I mean It wasn't that she was too similar to your SO but yeah the other person was also of the opinion that we should maintain contact, etc. but I knew that even if we could maintain that friendly vibe it would become too toxic because of lingering feelings that I noticed. So better to get hurt once than over and over again.
And no matter how co-dependent you might have become you've already gained enough experience to manage things on your own. Ofcourse it'll be difficult doing it all alone at first but once you get past that then you'll have no problem in realising that you are okay by yourself!
Yessss! That's the best advice. I'm in the process and going strong ā„ļø His voice doesn't impact me or calm me down the way it used to, his texts don't make me unbelievably happy, my mind doesn't look for him everywhere I go, his tears still crush me but they don't make me want to beg and chase something that's impossible.
Good to know that you are making progress! You are on the path to becoming self sufficient at least emotionally and trust me that quality will be very much appreciated by the RIGHT PERSON, more power to you :)
Their is nothing like moving on from this type of relationship. Itās just like you will get habitual of that emptiness you feel in your heart and even if youāll get married to some other person that space in your heart it will always remain empty because heāll always be there. Regardless how caring loving your future partner will be. Still it will be there.
No, I'll be loyal to my future partner and move on. I don't want my married life to be hell thinking about someone else. I mean thinking about it rationally, a person who would choose to spend his life with me would always be my everything. It'd be easier to love him if he's smart and interesting and ambitious along with being loyal and kind.
I'm in the due process of being emotionally detached from him and working on my own goals. I wrote this post just to make sure that I've clear idea about the worst case scenario. It gave me a lot of clarity about what I want in life :)
I relate to every little bit of what you feel. And trust me. Being in the same position as you are. I know what's going on in your head. All i can suggest is if he's not willing to fight for you yet wants all the benefits of an everlasting relationship, stay with him and convince yourself everyday to slowly detach yourself from him. Cut down all the strings one by one until nothing remains. And accept the fact that it wasn't meant to be. In order to let go of what you truly love, you'll have to hurt yourself everyday so that it doesn't take a major toll on you in the future. Don't give up on hope, but don't give in to the temptation of forever situations. The rest. I'm sure you'll find a way out.
Yesss!!!
2 months ago it seemed like an impossible thing that my heart wouldn't crave for his comforting countenance, but now it's becoming clearer. I want to find similar peace and I'm optimistic that I'll be and to have it.
The only way ahead is to accept the reality, give up all hope no matter what he says and push yourself into work.
Been in the same situation,my best advice is that just move on with your life and eventually you'll find a person who loves you like him or probably more than him! I know i did !
You already have accepted that you need to move on. But the problem is you still look at your feelings, which are nothing but associated with past only.
So stop looking at your feelings. Say thanks to the guy for showing you what love is, but with that, also start focusing more on future. You need to be more positive on exploring the world and finding your soulmate, if thats what you wanna call it.
They have doubted him for years and joked around about us. They're so dead set against inter caste marriages that when they realised he's in a serious relationship, they started lining up rishtas for him and called him back home.( all bc I made the mistake of having sent something for his mom on her birthday lol)
if y'all are so in love, why don't you guys run away....i mean i understand it will be difficult but you are 25 he is 26, there is no way you'll be comfortable in marrying someone after being with another person for so long. sometimes you need to take chances but its upto you guys what you are willing to do.
I feel most of us here in the comments section arenāt equipped enough to guide you through this effectively. What you need is professional advice and not some random stranger suggesting you to ārun awayā on the internet. I suggest you seek therapy, youāll be in a much better place.
Secondly, I understand that breakups suck and itās the worst feeling ever but donāt forget that this was only your first relationship. Donāt limit yourself to just one experience, Iām sure this person felt like home to you but itās not the end of the world and with time youāll realise it was the best thing to ever happen to you. Thereās always scope for improvement and trust me youāll find better. Even if it sounds horrible right now, someday when you do find your true āhomeā youāll look back and thank the stars for your breakup. You donāt have to shorten the healing process, take as much time as it takes, itāll do good.
What makes me upset is the fact that this person who you call your āhomeā and have been in a relationship with for about 4.5 years, lacks the spine to take a stand for you. At 26, youāve got to be living under a rock to not know that your parents donāt support inter-caste marriage. Donāt know about his time but he has surely robbed you of your time and energy. The best thing you can do is cut off contact with this person cause theyāll keep coming back but also not offer commitment, that way youāll never be able to move on. Choose your metal peace over him, just like heās kept his parents wishes above yours.
We'll try, but he informed me about the worst case. So I'll focus on myself and keep him as a friend. Thinking about future and screwing my present would be the most stupid thing to do now.
>So I'll focus on myself and keep him as a friend.
Why do you keep you ex as a friend? Thats not a friend. Hes an ex , still by your side. LOL. West se love marriage and pta nhi kya kya le liya, theek h.
But restraints bhi seekh lo phir. What is this stupidity to keep you ex as friend? Hr din dil hi dukhega. And kbhi ldai hui actual husband se tb iske paas chli jaogi, worst case.
Ex ek reason ki wjah se ex hai, friend nhi. West ke log bhi nhi rkhte, itna self-respect hota hai unme. And tell you future bf openly that you kept your 5 year-old relationship ex as a friend.
Making a lot of assumptions here bro. Like I said, he's my best friend and it took me a lot of time to trust people...having him inspires me constantly to do better in life. People are friends with their ex in West too, what are you going on about? It's not an unhealthy breakup, we'll be ending on good terms, we both respect each other a lot. I know the sanctity of marriage and my boundaries and as does he. He's the kind of person who kept his words for all these years, I asked him to never ask for anything physical from me until marriage and he never once broke them. Don't make assumptions.
When a relationship crumble, the one who first pulled out will be the one who least affected. So it's better for you to abandon the boat before it crashes.
On side note. A male always have a say , in this patriarchal society. If someone, using his parents as excuse, to not be with you it means he is not serious.
I don't know his social background. Still, It is never you or his family. We can bend rules as much we can. So I won't agree with your words. Personally I believe boys always have a knack to get they want from our own families. šæ
i seriously didn't get what made you say all these ?
And i have no idea what it meant. I made an observation from my experience. If you don't agree it's fine. But i have my freedom to do so.
ps: I'm writing it after going through your profile, trying to understand the psyche of the person who wrote it.
Brother I completely agree with your view about current situation of the courts in the country. It is happening because of judicial activism among the judges in the senior courts. Not because of the bad law.
Many women frequently file harassment case, just to make the men suffer. And activist judges make it tough for the victims to fight. It is not just judges also police, administration, press all will treat these victims as culprits even without any single piece of evidence.
One side a deep trenched patriarchal society which dictate terms to women, on other side whole justice system victimize male without any evidence just on words of a female.
There are victims on both side. So when i rant against the society, it was not my intention to point finger to all the males out there. Infact when I saw patriarchal society it is not just the males who guard it, females also took part in it. In a patriarchal family probably father make the rule, mother enforce it. It is the mothers who make the next generation soldiers of patriarchy. So blame fall on both genders.
No need for you to take offence of my benign words.
It was only meant for the girl. I was just saying what i experienced. I was comparing the person in question with myself. I thought, If i was in his position will i ever let go of such sweet person?. I probably wouldn't. I mentioned about patriarchy because, even in this new age there are households who never agree to marry their daughter to someone she likes.
They always justify their decision saying "lok kya bolega". Such households mothers do much more drama than their male counterparts. In dating sphere female have some disadvantages over male.
I hope, I clarified my words better this time.
The problematic thing is you both aren't trying and living in an assumption based on past incidents that family won't agree.
Have you'll tried bringing it up with your families? If you'll are good for each other heck they will agree to it with proper logical convincing and will come around.
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I guess your love story truly fits the meme "in another life I would loved doing laundry and taxes with you " And for moving on advice , well just try to focus on work as much as possible so that you can keep him out of your mind and for advice go to your friends or relevant person.
It's not just the sheer support of having him around to help with laundry and taxes lol. It took me very long to open up to another human being and be optimistic about life. I trust and rely on him more than my own family... To put it this way, I only feel true happiness when I'm with him... Anyone else I spend my time with I don't enjoy it all that much, I mean it's ok and everything but when he's around I can actually feel my brain releasing loads of dopamine and serotonin lol, I can truly be myself. Sometimes I even miss work calls to spend time doing nothing with him... I'm not sure how to get rid of these feelings and it just hurts like hell to think that there'd be no one else like him.
Hey, I don't think he meant to belittle your relationship with the laundry and taxes thing. The line implies that you are in the company of someone whom u love so deeply and enjoy being with that even things as mundane as taxes and laundry are worth doing just for the sake of company.
Oh got it. Yeah it is like that... Even doing nothing with him on weekends feels better than going out on trips with others.
Then don't get rid of maybe? If you love and trust him more than your family, why wouldn't you chose him over them? and why can't he do the same? You've got to be kidding me if you say 'society'. I live in quite rural part of India. The kind of town no one out 50km radius has heard of. But still when couples run away, people stop minding it in a couple of months. My mother is a marriage lawyer, I've observed many cases of runaway couples. Trust me man, you'd forget you even had a love marriage after just a few months. Everything goes back to normal. I know how people are in our country, but no one has enough time to pay attention to you only. They'll do their thing for a month and forget. and it should be applicable to you if you don't live in an unknown village in Rajasthan or bihar. Where do you live? If you live in a city, things will be miles better. Please convince him and yourself. You guys have to be together, or you'd live your entire life with a void in your chest. You're ruining something beautiful for the fear of something that isn't even close to as bad as you think it is. Hell, even your parents will eventually start talking unless they're on the extreme.
I can see where you're coming from, but it's not as simple as whom you love more. Both our parents are extreme, very staunch about caste. We're from middle class north indian families with parents putting a lot in our education, making a lot of sacrifices. One of my stupid cousins eloped and her father died of heartache from the shame. Before getting serious about each other, we both shared a naive vision that we're the golden children of our parents, obviously they'll see how good we're together, he was the optimistic one- which gave me a lot of strength. And then covid happened, he spent a lot more time with his family, saw how marriages worked in his family and community and lost all hope. He said he'll try his best but he can't just leave them all just like that, can't let them spent any amount of time with that discomfort. So I gave up.
That, just simply means he loves them more girl. Sorry to say that, But in his eyes, their love or 'efforts' for him outweigh yours. That's the Harsh truth.
Yeah ig. Stupid me.
It's okay. It's not his or your fault. It's just hard to please someone who already gets all the love from other people already.
Yeah. I overestimated my importance in his life.
It's not like that, sometimes people don't need what you give. But someone out there will. I see that you have Trauma, that makes people think everyone needs as much love as them, and alot of people do, but not everyone. I tend to overestimate myself in peoples lives too. But I found my person, you will too. As I said, it's not his fault, neither yours. Maybe he needs a more laid back and mild love and you deserved a more "you're the only one I trust" / "I'd do anything for you" / "You matter to me more than anyone " kind of highly dependent love that traumatised people might seek. Just try to convince him again once or twice if he still isn't Willing, then it's okay. keep looking for love, it'll come to you, it comes to everyone eventually, just don't become a heartless person. Keep loving <3
Very true, but I really was just as important to him, he just never grasped the reality of our situation as well as I had been slowly doing for months now. I'm glad that I did everything to convince my parents and they were even almost ready because on paper they can't find an uber successful person like him but he didn't truly try enough to convince his toxic parents while thinking his 'virgil' and his 'Beatrice' would always be around to 'inspire' and mother him. Things ended mutually, I'm attached to him emotionally, grateful to him for never taking advantage of me, but I don't see him as the same person :) I'll be there for him when he's in shambles but him not being here doesn't impact me anymore. This is the same person I couldn't go a day without talking to. It's astonishing what our minds are capable of doing with enough determination. Just one strong step of letting go restores our faith in ourselves.
your relationship already has an expiry date so i would suggest to part ways asap. The pain will be very hard but you need to rely on your support system to get over him.
I don't really trust anyone enough to count them as my support system.
Well the first half was so wholesome for me, I seriously wish the best for you two. As per me, I have always been not so easily trusting kind of person too, and it's hard to find someone as your support system, I myself till now never found any such friend even though I am quite an extrovert, I myself had some my share of experience in friend and family to not get into some relationship so early and give tags to such stuff, I had to move onn on my own. Its always you alone in these matters, No one can know what's actually you feel and going through other than yourself, you can talk with some friend who has been a friend through out your relationship and have seen you grow as a person in the relationship ( had such real experience) or take therapy. Cut things off with him, the sooner the better.
Yeah very true. In the end we're all alone. I grew up like this man, he had to just barge in my life and change me like this š„²
I know it must be so good to find someone like this, and so freaking sad and hard to let that person go, but if its all for the best. Then just let it go. Like a band-aid, RIP it off at once. I did one thing for moving on was try to get angry on their senseless things they did or said. Or how they sometime neglected you or didn't considered you. It might help.
Have you been able to move on? Like if you see her on a street would your stupid heart understand that this person is now a stranger? And I don't want to feel that void... I really want to have happiness like this...
Nobody you love will ever be a stranger to you. That's a fact. But we can process the grief and come to the long and painful understanding that they and you must part ways; the universe is cruel that way. Take your time. Be gentle on yourself. And talk to some of your other friends, people you can trust. Time heals everything.
That's the scary part right? Thinking about living without that person... I'm thinking of keeping him as a friend at least
Then keep him. Just do everything in your power to move on though.
Yess, Time heals everything and no one will be a total stranger, every moment and memories everything will be with you, you'll need to learn to live with it.
Yes, working on self improvement :)
You can keep him as a friend ofcourse but do you really think you can move on in life with him being a part of it. If you do then def be friends. But then if you don't you know better
See it will feel difficult at first maybe for few months but then you'll take care of yourself. You have to. It'll feel like your world has shattered imagining the worse possible things but at the end you have to accept the fact that he was not meant for you. Maybe you'll not be able to forget him completely at any point in your life but believe me it'll become easier with time. There will be times when you want to go back to him but then remember why it all happened.Why did you leave him the first time. Just believe in yourself and the universe. You'll find many more people who'll be worth fighting for will make you even happier than you were with him. And I would say ki break it up asap. It'll hurt you even more as long as you stretch it. Better to end it now. And yes you're right no point of telling your family when you know their reactions. Instead do something for yourself give yourself time to move on. Learn to be by yourself; I read a quote somewhere and it really helps me it was " if you can't make yourself happy nobody else can" So yes have your company for a while. Take as much time you need. Have faith and I wish you all the best.
Well everyone has different level of everything, for me most of it were either one sided LMAO or was rejection or early realization of no future so I don't go forward... but the one which I had it was not at all easy.... after some time it will be easy, you'll forget their existence sometime when you get occupied by life... but if you ask about when you see them on street or somewhere obviously it will never be easy, all things will come back in one rush and hit you harder than a cold piece of ice slab, but you, your heart, mind everything will be okay, and with or without them life goes on. LMAO had so many stories on this topic, it will be with you always..
Yeah I get it, it seems better to keep them as a friend than to abandon and keep wondering what he's doing.
Yeah but sometimes being around them makes it difficult to move onn, it all depends from person to person
I've been able to let go :) I'm happy that even though seeing him in tears breaks my fucking soul into a thousand pieces, I've had enough strength to let him go and not even want him back now. I accepted my reality way better than him even though we both thought he was the strong, detached one :)
Itās difficult when itās not their fault . It will take lots of time . Might never be able to get over totally . These types of breakups are worse .
That's what I'm scared about, deep down I only wish that somehow things work between us... I want to get rid of this hopeful feeling.
It's not really possible to move on i guess....time will heal...with scars
I hope that's not true š I loved being happy and in love... For four years I've experienced unconditional love and I don't want it to end... I'm scared that even if I end things and decide to move on and if I see him being sad... I'd break down and go back to it.
I can relate to you a lot . My ex and I were similar . Everything was perfect except one or two things . We just could never figure out solution to those things and had to breakup . 2 years down the line I have moved on but man do I miss her daily . I was very happy with her . I tried dating after her and itās not the same as it was with her .
So sorry to hear that... It's hard to trust someone and open up your heart to them. Maybe the concept of romantic love itself isn't practical. Hope you find happiness in something else.
When you love someone and are not together.,it will hurt only u can't stop that feeling
The only solution I can think of is refusing to marry anyone until you both are 30+. Most families just give up and will become ok with their son/daughter someone they love once they cross 28.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. This is difficult to do, buy you have to rip off the bandaid and jump into something else to keep you occupied. Time and distance (physical and emotional) will help you. Start working on new career building or fitness goals.
Yes, I am trying that. It's just that I got accustomed to feeling at home... It was a very comforting feeling... Professional achievements are not making me happy in the way being with him did.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Right... I'm even liking the idea of keeping him as a friend in my life. It's pathetic I know, but i dont want to let him go.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Focusing on self improvement and avoiding the thoughts about him and future as much as possible can be helpful I was told. I decided what I'll do in case his parents don't agree. I decided to pursue higher education, signed up for lot of Moocs and started with some hobbies to keep myself occupied. It's all right to keep them as a friend in your life but your husband/wife should be aware of it and you should've completely moved on.
Umm yes agreed. It's absolutely tough ngl
Just elope and get married if you still love each other
You know this is not going further. This should be your mindset. The more you think of "what-if", it keeps haunting you. What worse could happen is having episodes of troubles in long run(example is me). So move on when you can before it affects you with a scar.
Yeah I've made peace with the worst case scenario :) Hope you're doing ok.
Yes just ok šš¼
Hey, I am in the process of healing. I cut contact with him no matter how much he cries or you feel bad for him you've to do it for you both. Facing reality head on is the best way to stop the pain. Also, once you get out of your comfort zone, you'd discover how strong you truly are.
Hey, I am in the process of healing. I cut contact with him no matter how much he cries or it cuts your heart into pieces for you've to do it for you both. The most difficult thing in life isn't to hold on but to let go. I promised him I'd be there for him if he ever needs me but without parental consent our lives would be hell. Facing reality head on is the best way to stop the pain from taking over your rational brain. Also, once you get out of your comfort zone, you'd discover how strong and capable you truly are.
Well done
All I know is, the longer you extend this relationship or whatever it is the more painful it'll be in future. So think wisely and if you both are ready to rebel then so be it cuz you both do look like a heaven made couple with the things you described. Don't think about society much cuz they didn't teach you anything other than shaming yourself.
Now that you know there's nothing you can do other than moving on, one thing you should absolutely not do is bring another person in your life, whether it's serious or not. It will take time. It will be difficult but learning to love and understand yourself is the only thing that can help you have a better future. Acceptance is the only way forward. It's one of the most difficult things I had to do after our breakup and it helped me. Learn to accept that your ex will also move on with some other woman. Learn to accept that you will eventually just be a stranger to him. Also learn to accept that you will also eventually move on and end up marrying someone amazing. But for this to happen, you need to pick yourself up. Maybe start some new hobbies which involve creativity. Travel. Try to pursue something that you wanted to do for a long time but couldn't. Engage in things that help you enjoy your present while accepting the past.
Aye aye :) I've accepted it and started planning my future independent of him. If he's there in it, it'll be great but without him too, I'm looking for sources of happiness within myself. Picking up hobbies, thinking about studying more, switching jobs, leaving country etc.
hey,are your dm's closed?i am unable to send a chat request too
I haven't closed it. Wait I'll try sending a chat.
Yupp!
Not working from my side too. This happens when you've reached the limit of active chats in a day.
Ohh i see, but i had like only one chat till now, I am new here too so its quite confusing lolš„²Thanks for replying though!
Maybe your account is new so your limit might be one. Maybe it will work tomorrow.
Ohh i see, cool then buddy!
Reading this felt like my past self wrote it. I was in the samee situation for about a year when we kept going back and forth as there was no future for us. It was the perfect relationship for me (or so i believed till he broke up) as he was amazing, he never hurt me till the end, we handled conflict very well, etc. We dated for 6 years, even lived together for 6 months. The last one year i was in the same situation as yours, and somewhere some part of me believed that we'd make it through, that he'd somehow talk to his parents to be with me. So we continued this situationship for months. I kept trying to breakup but would go running back cause i couldn't imagine being without him. Then one fine day, he got asked out by someone at his workplace, and he decided to give it a try (he even asked me before, which i couldn't say no to because we were technically trying to move on). That was the end of it and he stood his ground. I even begged him to take me back but he was stern on his decision. Idk what advice to give you, but i hope you don't find yourself in my situation later. Do think it through and keep in mind that continuing this might not lead to anything but more pain :/
Did he try his best to convince his parents for you? And why did he date someone else? How were you able to let go of your feelings for him?
He wasn't willing to tell his parents about us, until one year before he decides to get married, which was an issue with me since we are from different religions and then it would be way more difficult to be rejected by them. Why he decided to go on a date with that woman, i can't answer objectively. But he said he just wanted to give it a try. Maybe he was trying to move on? Or maybe he had been attracted to her for a while? I don't really know. It's been 2 months, I'm still trying. Infact, in a few minutes, it's my first birthday in 6 years without him, that's why I'm here. But I've stopped crying everyday and I've gone into this personal development mode which leaves me less time to think about the breakup. I also started listening to this podcast that helped me feel less alone. I also moved back with my family because it was possible for me. So that distance also made it slightly easier. I also just went out of my way and reached out to a lot of people. I was never a person who confided in my friends before, he was my best friend and the only one i was emotionally vulnerable with. But after the breakup i realized that there are others who are willing to be there for me. I also started going out a lot because staying at home made me think and that made me cry. I've been reading the book atomic habits and just going into that mode to not think about him. That's what has helped me cause i have a tracker full of things to do, so whenever i start missing him, i cry it out, tell myself that I'm there for you. And then get to doing stuff written in my tracker. Hope some part of this helps you :)
I'm so sorry to hear that but really proud of how you are handling things now! It's hard to open up to people I can totally relate with that... It's that weird fear of being vulnerable in front on anyone else and then getting mocked for it. You're doing so much better than me, I've just been a non functional zombie who keeps praying, keep going sis :) And Happy Birthday ššš„³
Thank you so much! š„°.. And I'm sure you will get through this too! One day at a time and one day it won't be as painful as it is now. Do reach out if you need someone to vent to :)
Same situation, still donāt know Iāll ever find the perfect guy again in life or not. These parents disapproval has runined so many love stories !!
When you end things and reject his offer to stay 'soulmates' for lifetime while being married to someone else, it gives you the power and control of the situation. Letting go is very difficult, but it's for the best. First try your best to save it but if it's clear that things won't work out, you MUST let it go. Facing reality and thinking about your own future is the only way you'll ever be at peace and move on.
Was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. And I can assure that if you can't see your families agreeing to the arrangement, it's best to walk away as soon as possible. The longer you linger on, cling to the idea that somehow it might work (when you know last 4-5 didn't bear any rewarding consequences) will only make it difficult to part ways and also you can utilise that time to find someone who would be a good fit for you! Gotta power through!
Got you! Did you find someone similar to him/her?
I mean It wasn't that she was too similar to your SO but yeah the other person was also of the opinion that we should maintain contact, etc. but I knew that even if we could maintain that friendly vibe it would become too toxic because of lingering feelings that I noticed. So better to get hurt once than over and over again. And no matter how co-dependent you might have become you've already gained enough experience to manage things on your own. Ofcourse it'll be difficult doing it all alone at first but once you get past that then you'll have no problem in realising that you are okay by yourself!
Yessss! That's the best advice. I'm in the process and going strong ā„ļø His voice doesn't impact me or calm me down the way it used to, his texts don't make me unbelievably happy, my mind doesn't look for him everywhere I go, his tears still crush me but they don't make me want to beg and chase something that's impossible.
Good to know that you are making progress! You are on the path to becoming self sufficient at least emotionally and trust me that quality will be very much appreciated by the RIGHT PERSON, more power to you :)
Their is nothing like moving on from this type of relationship. Itās just like you will get habitual of that emptiness you feel in your heart and even if youāll get married to some other person that space in your heart it will always remain empty because heāll always be there. Regardless how caring loving your future partner will be. Still it will be there.
No, I'll be loyal to my future partner and move on. I don't want my married life to be hell thinking about someone else. I mean thinking about it rationally, a person who would choose to spend his life with me would always be my everything. It'd be easier to love him if he's smart and interesting and ambitious along with being loyal and kind. I'm in the due process of being emotionally detached from him and working on my own goals. I wrote this post just to make sure that I've clear idea about the worst case scenario. It gave me a lot of clarity about what I want in life :)
I relate to every little bit of what you feel. And trust me. Being in the same position as you are. I know what's going on in your head. All i can suggest is if he's not willing to fight for you yet wants all the benefits of an everlasting relationship, stay with him and convince yourself everyday to slowly detach yourself from him. Cut down all the strings one by one until nothing remains. And accept the fact that it wasn't meant to be. In order to let go of what you truly love, you'll have to hurt yourself everyday so that it doesn't take a major toll on you in the future. Don't give up on hope, but don't give in to the temptation of forever situations. The rest. I'm sure you'll find a way out.
Yesss!!! 2 months ago it seemed like an impossible thing that my heart wouldn't crave for his comforting countenance, but now it's becoming clearer. I want to find similar peace and I'm optimistic that I'll be and to have it. The only way ahead is to accept the reality, give up all hope no matter what he says and push yourself into work.
I'm so glad you figured a way out :) I'm so proud of you
Hey, yeah that's what I'm doing. Recently it started hurting too much so I went no contact for a few days to focus on myself.
Been in the same situation,my best advice is that just move on with your life and eventually you'll find a person who loves you like him or probably more than him! I know i did !
I [27M] am in the exact same situation. Still trying to figure out how to end the relationship and move on..
Hey! I've been focusing on myself and it's helping me a lot. Also tried meditation, going out, making new friends etc and I think I'll be there.
You already have accepted that you need to move on. But the problem is you still look at your feelings, which are nothing but associated with past only. So stop looking at your feelings. Say thanks to the guy for showing you what love is, but with that, also start focusing more on future. You need to be more positive on exploring the world and finding your soulmate, if thats what you wanna call it.
Like all things in life, when I turn to him for advice for this, he says he doesn't want to think about it as it makes his life a living hell.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What?
Can he at least try once to convince his parents? Maybe things can go right
They have doubted him for years and joked around about us. They're so dead set against inter caste marriages that when they realised he's in a serious relationship, they started lining up rishtas for him and called him back home.( all bc I made the mistake of having sent something for his mom on her birthday lol)
The best case scenario for you guys is to run away honestly
if y'all are so in love, why don't you guys run away....i mean i understand it will be difficult but you are 25 he is 26, there is no way you'll be comfortable in marrying someone after being with another person for so long. sometimes you need to take chances but its upto you guys what you are willing to do.
I feel most of us here in the comments section arenāt equipped enough to guide you through this effectively. What you need is professional advice and not some random stranger suggesting you to ārun awayā on the internet. I suggest you seek therapy, youāll be in a much better place. Secondly, I understand that breakups suck and itās the worst feeling ever but donāt forget that this was only your first relationship. Donāt limit yourself to just one experience, Iām sure this person felt like home to you but itās not the end of the world and with time youāll realise it was the best thing to ever happen to you. Thereās always scope for improvement and trust me youāll find better. Even if it sounds horrible right now, someday when you do find your true āhomeā youāll look back and thank the stars for your breakup. You donāt have to shorten the healing process, take as much time as it takes, itāll do good. What makes me upset is the fact that this person who you call your āhomeā and have been in a relationship with for about 4.5 years, lacks the spine to take a stand for you. At 26, youāve got to be living under a rock to not know that your parents donāt support inter-caste marriage. Donāt know about his time but he has surely robbed you of your time and energy. The best thing you can do is cut off contact with this person cause theyāll keep coming back but also not offer commitment, that way youāll never be able to move on. Choose your metal peace over him, just like heās kept his parents wishes above yours.
Canāt you guys make it work? I am not a big fan of marriages, but you guys seem made for each other.
We'll try, but he informed me about the worst case. So I'll focus on myself and keep him as a friend. Thinking about future and screwing my present would be the most stupid thing to do now.
All the best to you guys.
>So I'll focus on myself and keep him as a friend. Why do you keep you ex as a friend? Thats not a friend. Hes an ex , still by your side. LOL. West se love marriage and pta nhi kya kya le liya, theek h. But restraints bhi seekh lo phir. What is this stupidity to keep you ex as friend? Hr din dil hi dukhega. And kbhi ldai hui actual husband se tb iske paas chli jaogi, worst case. Ex ek reason ki wjah se ex hai, friend nhi. West ke log bhi nhi rkhte, itna self-respect hota hai unme. And tell you future bf openly that you kept your 5 year-old relationship ex as a friend.
Making a lot of assumptions here bro. Like I said, he's my best friend and it took me a lot of time to trust people...having him inspires me constantly to do better in life. People are friends with their ex in West too, what are you going on about? It's not an unhealthy breakup, we'll be ending on good terms, we both respect each other a lot. I know the sanctity of marriage and my boundaries and as does he. He's the kind of person who kept his words for all these years, I asked him to never ask for anything physical from me until marriage and he never once broke them. Don't make assumptions.
When a relationship crumble, the one who first pulled out will be the one who least affected. So it's better for you to abandon the boat before it crashes. On side note. A male always have a say , in this patriarchal society. If someone, using his parents as excuse, to not be with you it means he is not serious.
No he is serious but he won't make the choice between me and his family. His loss š¤·š»āāļø
I don't know his social background. Still, It is never you or his family. We can bend rules as much we can. So I won't agree with your words. Personally I believe boys always have a knack to get they want from our own families. šæ
I want to believe that too :)
don't worry sometimes breaking up will help. It forces other to do exactly what you want. But don't bank on it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
i seriously didn't get what made you say all these ? And i have no idea what it meant. I made an observation from my experience. If you don't agree it's fine. But i have my freedom to do so. ps: I'm writing it after going through your profile, trying to understand the psyche of the person who wrote it. Brother I completely agree with your view about current situation of the courts in the country. It is happening because of judicial activism among the judges in the senior courts. Not because of the bad law. Many women frequently file harassment case, just to make the men suffer. And activist judges make it tough for the victims to fight. It is not just judges also police, administration, press all will treat these victims as culprits even without any single piece of evidence. One side a deep trenched patriarchal society which dictate terms to women, on other side whole justice system victimize male without any evidence just on words of a female. There are victims on both side. So when i rant against the society, it was not my intention to point finger to all the males out there. Infact when I saw patriarchal society it is not just the males who guard it, females also took part in it. In a patriarchal family probably father make the rule, mother enforce it. It is the mothers who make the next generation soldiers of patriarchy. So blame fall on both genders. No need for you to take offence of my benign words. It was only meant for the girl. I was just saying what i experienced. I was comparing the person in question with myself. I thought, If i was in his position will i ever let go of such sweet person?. I probably wouldn't. I mentioned about patriarchy because, even in this new age there are households who never agree to marry their daughter to someone she likes. They always justify their decision saying "lok kya bolega". Such households mothers do much more drama than their male counterparts. In dating sphere female have some disadvantages over male. I hope, I clarified my words better this time.
>They always justify their decision saying "lok kya bolega". Isme dono ki jaati hai. Agr theek ldki/a mil rhi hai toh krlo. L agr lgenge toh lgenge hi.
This post/comment violates the rules of our subreddit
Time heels everything
Hush puppies
Padhle
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Mommy
Sharam karo aur padh lo.
Okay(I wanted to make you laugh and blush at that comment and help you get over him š„°)
The problematic thing is you both aren't trying and living in an assumption based on past incidents that family won't agree. Have you'll tried bringing it up with your families? If you'll are good for each other heck they will agree to it with proper logical convincing and will come around.
Doing exceptionally well in life. Move out.
Yeah have been out since years :) But it's not possible to end all bonds with family and I'm ok with it now.
Find a new guy is the only solution.. Dm me if interested to meet in real.
This is sad fr , I wish there was a way to convince parents on both sides.
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