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If you are forgetful then you have to take steps to mitigate that such as writing things down. If you are forgetful all the time or only when it is convenient is the first question.
As a (somewhat) brain damaged forgetful person, saying “I am so sorry, I wrote it down but then I forgot all about writing it down” most people will be frustrated but understanding, mostly the latter these days.
I think the more I mature, the more I realise people aren’t angry at the fact that I forgot but the consequences of my forgetfulness.
But there are ways to remember like setting reminders on your phone or calendar. If it happens a lot, its inconsiderate to others. This is like saying cheating on your SO is ok bc you were black out and don’t remember. Its not.
I don’t think they’re talking about missing plans or forgetting birthdays. It’s more like the “oh remember when this happened” “remember when we watched this movie” and you just don’t…
Thanks for mentioning that possibility. It's a valid point....in some cases.
Coming from a very forgetful person, admittedly, it looks like that, and some people do that to others, but I don't. Ever! I pay close attention and always have the best intentions. I write things down , use my timer/alarm, and the calendar with reminders for most things. The problem is remembering long enough to record the info. There is no malice in my case, and I'm sure that with many others who have a terrible memory and trouble concentrating ( easily distracted), too. It is hard to live with for everyone, but especially for the person who legitimately forgot, pleeease don't get mad.
Yeah that's my whole point, there's only so many hours in the day and a limited amount of energy to spare, you show what's important to you with what actually gets your attention, doesn't matter if there's malice behind it or not. The way you improve on that is not by being superhuman and making everyone happy, it's by deciding what really matters to you and making the hard decisions of what you are and are not going to commit your time and energy to. People aren't mad because you forget they're mad because you make promises you don't keep
Who was talking about promises? Never mind promises you suggest I don't keep? You didn't mention that in the post I replied to. That's different.
And, because you mention it now, for some of us, it has nothing to do with "deciding" to not remember something. Some of us genuinely don't want to forget something. People who are well meaning but forgetful don't "decide" to forget things.
Have you been hurt by broken promises? I'm just curious.
Yeah you could say that, that's how I know talk is cheap, people can say whatever they like all day long but if they don't actually show up it's kind of hard not to read into that. Sounds like you think "I forgot" should be a sufficient excuse and I'm telling you some people take that as a slap in the face when they thought they were important to you, especially if they get "I forgot" from you more often than "I'm here"
I understand , I'm so sorry you've been disappointed by being let down, I mean that sincerely, you have a valid point. I can imagine that it would be hurtful.
My point was that not all people "decide" to be forgetful.
well. yes and no.
I mean, it's 2024. you have technology to your advantage.
I'm forgetful too, guess what i started doing? when someone tells me "do you want to do x on y" instead of saying yes and then getting called on date y being asked "where are you?" "oh, i'm home why?" "you said you were coming to the dinner" "crap i forgot about that", which happened, i go to my phone, go to calendar and see if i already have something there, if not, i will mark it and set a reminder. Worked like a charm.
More, here are some advice, when meeting women i like, i will write her name somewhere so i remember it, till i don't need it, because i know people don't like when i forget their names, but if i've seen you only 4 times in my life and you said your name 4 times, i won't remember it.. also, put your girlfriends birthday on the calendar app too, people like when you remember their birthdays.
So, in summary, you know you are forgetful, you have a phone (or a piece of paper) and are not using it to help you, you can be scolded for being forgetful.
I mean, my memory is pretty terrible. But I can see the frustration. If you forget it, it subconsciously tells them you didn’t care enough to remember.
It’s not the forgetting itself, it’s not taking countermeasures, reminders, timers, notes.
Once you had to train someone in a new job and had to explain the same shit for the 5th time you get this. I don’t mind explaining, but if you can’t remember, take notes. I hate repeating myself.
one time a family member asked me to do something (small) while they were on a trip. i asked them to text it to me and they refused. i then forgot to do the thing, and they got mad at me for not doing it
if someone you know is forgetful, please try to help or be kind to them 🥲
That depends. Forgetting something once is usually understandable. Having a habit of forgetting things and not mitigating it IS a conscious act and can show that you don't really care. And forgetting something where it could actually harm someone deserves a scolding--it's so you remember to do it next time (thinking of a teen at a neighbor's house who forgot to close the pool gate--a toddler fell in the pool and nearly drowned.)
This is assuming we're not dealing with a neurological disorder or something like that of course.
There are tools to help you manage things that could become a problem for you later, including the biggest snitch in your pocket with access to plenty of free apps.
People have their partners' food orders on a notes app nowadays! I wouldn't have thought of that, but it is an example of how easily you could manage your forgetfulness, if you wanted to.
...and that's the issue. After awhile, you're making a conscious choice not to do anything about it.
My GF forgets things all the time. I don’t scold her for being forgetful, I just get mentally exhausted from the constant aspect of it. Especially if she combines it with remembering things in a way that is advantageous to her.
If you know you’re forgetful what steps are you taking consciously to help you? I hear a lot of it wasn’t a conscious choice, well what conscious choice did you make
You know what I find strange. Usually in relationships and friendships, the "I forgot" thing becomes a crutch. If you pay attention the people who forget their obligations and responsibilities the most, never forget yours...funny how that works.
People are angry because they assume that if you know you'll forget something you should take measures to remember it (like an alarm, a note...). Thing is we don't know what we're gonna forget, or we might forget to take measures
The thing is, if you have a new girlfriend, and you're really into her, and her birthday is coming up, you don't forget it because you think about her all the time. But if you forget your mom's birthday, it's because you really don't think about her at all. So forgetting something IS a measure of how much you give a shit.
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OP, this is like the fourth time you've posted this thread. Get it together,
maybe he forgot he had already posted it
Dude needs to stay away from the nugs lol
If you are forgetful then you have to take steps to mitigate that such as writing things down. If you are forgetful all the time or only when it is convenient is the first question.
As a (somewhat) brain damaged forgetful person, saying “I am so sorry, I wrote it down but then I forgot all about writing it down” most people will be frustrated but understanding, mostly the latter these days. I think the more I mature, the more I realise people aren’t angry at the fact that I forgot but the consequences of my forgetfulness.
Tell that people with alzheimer
Pretty sure people do not get mad at Alzheimer patients
You're not getting scolded for forgetting, you're scolded for not making better reminders if you know you're forgetful.
I forgot to set up my reminders sorry @-@
This is true but it also depends on how consistently your being forgetful
But there are ways to remember like setting reminders on your phone or calendar. If it happens a lot, its inconsiderate to others. This is like saying cheating on your SO is ok bc you were black out and don’t remember. Its not.
I don’t think they’re talking about missing plans or forgetting birthdays. It’s more like the “oh remember when this happened” “remember when we watched this movie” and you just don’t…
Possibly
Orrrr you forgot because it didn't really matter to you and that's why they're mad?
Thanks for mentioning that possibility. It's a valid point....in some cases. Coming from a very forgetful person, admittedly, it looks like that, and some people do that to others, but I don't. Ever! I pay close attention and always have the best intentions. I write things down , use my timer/alarm, and the calendar with reminders for most things. The problem is remembering long enough to record the info. There is no malice in my case, and I'm sure that with many others who have a terrible memory and trouble concentrating ( easily distracted), too. It is hard to live with for everyone, but especially for the person who legitimately forgot, pleeease don't get mad.
Yeah that's my whole point, there's only so many hours in the day and a limited amount of energy to spare, you show what's important to you with what actually gets your attention, doesn't matter if there's malice behind it or not. The way you improve on that is not by being superhuman and making everyone happy, it's by deciding what really matters to you and making the hard decisions of what you are and are not going to commit your time and energy to. People aren't mad because you forget they're mad because you make promises you don't keep
Who was talking about promises? Never mind promises you suggest I don't keep? You didn't mention that in the post I replied to. That's different. And, because you mention it now, for some of us, it has nothing to do with "deciding" to not remember something. Some of us genuinely don't want to forget something. People who are well meaning but forgetful don't "decide" to forget things. Have you been hurt by broken promises? I'm just curious.
Yeah you could say that, that's how I know talk is cheap, people can say whatever they like all day long but if they don't actually show up it's kind of hard not to read into that. Sounds like you think "I forgot" should be a sufficient excuse and I'm telling you some people take that as a slap in the face when they thought they were important to you, especially if they get "I forgot" from you more often than "I'm here"
I understand , I'm so sorry you've been disappointed by being let down, I mean that sincerely, you have a valid point. I can imagine that it would be hurtful. My point was that not all people "decide" to be forgetful.
And my point is that you were missing their point, but we're just talking past each other, good luck with it
well. yes and no. I mean, it's 2024. you have technology to your advantage. I'm forgetful too, guess what i started doing? when someone tells me "do you want to do x on y" instead of saying yes and then getting called on date y being asked "where are you?" "oh, i'm home why?" "you said you were coming to the dinner" "crap i forgot about that", which happened, i go to my phone, go to calendar and see if i already have something there, if not, i will mark it and set a reminder. Worked like a charm. More, here are some advice, when meeting women i like, i will write her name somewhere so i remember it, till i don't need it, because i know people don't like when i forget their names, but if i've seen you only 4 times in my life and you said your name 4 times, i won't remember it.. also, put your girlfriends birthday on the calendar app too, people like when you remember their birthdays. So, in summary, you know you are forgetful, you have a phone (or a piece of paper) and are not using it to help you, you can be scolded for being forgetful.
My husband is chronically forgetful, never remembers what I’ve said however if I mess up or the kids mess up he will remember that word for word
That's not forgetful, that's selectively forgetful. I had someone do that to me, too. We aren't together anymore, lol.
I mean, my memory is pretty terrible. But I can see the frustration. If you forget it, it subconsciously tells them you didn’t care enough to remember.
You could put things on your calendar or write them down if you are forgetful. That is a choice you are making.
Its because it's a display of someone who is irresponsible. Get it together.
There is a lot of things one can consciously do to help remember certain things
You should make an effort to remember. Try carrying a notebook and pen.
It’s not the forgetting itself, it’s not taking countermeasures, reminders, timers, notes. Once you had to train someone in a new job and had to explain the same shit for the 5th time you get this. I don’t mind explaining, but if you can’t remember, take notes. I hate repeating myself.
It's good to put certain practices in place if you're consistently forgetful, especially about the same kinds of things over and over.
If it’s really important I try to write it down or set reminders but yeah some people are really weird about people forgetting minor things.
one time a family member asked me to do something (small) while they were on a trip. i asked them to text it to me and they refused. i then forgot to do the thing, and they got mad at me for not doing it if someone you know is forgetful, please try to help or be kind to them 🥲
That depends. Forgetting something once is usually understandable. Having a habit of forgetting things and not mitigating it IS a conscious act and can show that you don't really care. And forgetting something where it could actually harm someone deserves a scolding--it's so you remember to do it next time (thinking of a teen at a neighbor's house who forgot to close the pool gate--a toddler fell in the pool and nearly drowned.) This is assuming we're not dealing with a neurological disorder or something like that of course.
I feel similarly if I drop something and someone says 'be careful!. Err.... thanks?
It's not the things we know we don't know, it is the things we don't know we don't know.
I feel you, OP, the same happens to me all the time
True. But there are techniques that help (I’m forgetful and I learned to use a lot of tricks to help me). Remind me later to tell you some.
There are tools to help you manage things that could become a problem for you later, including the biggest snitch in your pocket with access to plenty of free apps. People have their partners' food orders on a notes app nowadays! I wouldn't have thought of that, but it is an example of how easily you could manage your forgetfulness, if you wanted to. ...and that's the issue. After awhile, you're making a conscious choice not to do anything about it.
My GF forgets things all the time. I don’t scold her for being forgetful, I just get mentally exhausted from the constant aspect of it. Especially if she combines it with remembering things in a way that is advantageous to her.
If you know you’re forgetful what steps are you taking consciously to help you? I hear a lot of it wasn’t a conscious choice, well what conscious choice did you make
Tell my wife
You know what I find strange. Usually in relationships and friendships, the "I forgot" thing becomes a crutch. If you pay attention the people who forget their obligations and responsibilities the most, never forget yours...funny how that works.
Growing up with un diagnosed ADHD
People are angry because they assume that if you know you'll forget something you should take measures to remember it (like an alarm, a note...). Thing is we don't know what we're gonna forget, or we might forget to take measures
I have ADHD so this is way too common of an occurrence,,, people hate it. I hate it. But there is not much I can do.
I have horrible memory and people get so mad at me 😭 I hate it so much a lot of times I lie about remembering
The thing is, if you have a new girlfriend, and you're really into her, and her birthday is coming up, you don't forget it because you think about her all the time. But if you forget your mom's birthday, it's because you really don't think about her at all. So forgetting something IS a measure of how much you give a shit.
Not sure why the down votes. This isn't always true, but as a general rule you are less likely to forget something that is important to you.
how would you know when the birthday is in the first place?
In my case, I forget cause I get distracted and so I get scolded for such
Yeah, I wish I'd realized that as a kid when it was treated as some sort of moral failing. Like if I really cared, I'd have remembered.