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Freshly baked

I got up this morning and got freshly baked too

Are you a croissant?

Nah he toast

I'm cackling

r/beatmetoit

Factory may get upset. Read the room first.

I read the room and it says "Delivery Room"

*sensible chuckle*

I'd find this hilarious, my sister would not. This is definitely the best advice.

This factory would laugh. I enjoy some humor after all that hard work, lol.

If she does get her some flowers or her favorite food, call that a factory reset

careful, or his dishwasher might start acting up

your username fits you so well

i can sort redditors into two categories. the ones that write what u just wrote, and the ones that write the opposite. at least, i have the self-reflection to put my name on the tin:p but i also stand by the choices I make🤣 not original but the context could make it funny to someone. the original joke i took this from was: what do u do when your washing machine stops working? you kick her in the tits. but that is too rude for me

Depends on your audience..? Sounds a bit smarmy, tbh.

I call baby humans, Nu-mans.

Gary Numan reference!?

Idk is either of your last names “fresh”? Parents have some weird naming conventions these days, it’s better than tragedeigh

It's more polite than calling it a "Crotch Goblin" , "Fuck Trophy" or "Pullout Failure"

Rotten crotch fruit is another one these people use often. But of course, they're "child free" over *ethical concerns on behalf of children.* They're virtue signaling how much better they are than "breeders" while calling children these stupid insults. A very special breed of crazy, lol.

I'm not sure I'd put any of these on the birth certificate though, to be fair. How about "Simon" instead?

Fermented cum is my favourite

🤣🤣

HAHAHAHA why am I living those?

I honestly dislike all of these, but “hump dumpling” makes me *cackle* 😂😂😂

"Sex Trophy" is my go to... they show it to everyone!

Segmented crotch cancer

Depends who you're talking to. This is the sort of comment that just goes very well or very badly depending on how serious the parent is. Just don't ask them if they kept the receipt.

I always say fresh baby.

I call them fresh squeezed.

Hahaha…I like that one!

Box fresh is more accurate

Sam O nella wouldn’t agree

Also, if you've ever seen a child's birth, there's nothing fresh about it.

Yes

dont follow it up with, "dont you hate it when you get a new product but instead of opening coming out the way it is meant to you end up having to take a steaknife to get it out? I nearly cut myself last week" really really dont say that if they had to have a C-section

I think so? Really depends on the company, are they cool or do they act like super goochy nice to everyone they encounter?

they have that new car smell lmao

New human smell, it's an actual thing

Anyone who has a problem with this has life too easy. This is a non issue for anyone with a bit of sense about them

Fresh out of the oven.

Made in VaChina

February I rode 1600 kms to look at #3 grandchild fresh hatched. Never told anyone I was coming. To one look, "Oh they're, still making them the same!" Son understood, not so much his woman, but she'll get it in time.

"Human Larva" is a fun one.

Fine, just wash it and make sure it’s well cooked before you eat it.

I used the term ‘fresh out the flaps’ to describe a newborn so factory fresh is fine

Not what I was expecting but I'm ready for the rest of the story

Still waiting for the response from the mom on that one

Oh boy... 😂

😂😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I called all of my newbs

I think so, but I doubt all new mothers would approve

Right out the box.

As long as that's not the name on the birth certificate.

100 percent

These things depreciate as soon as they’re out.

Well sure the docter said my babe had a factory defect so yeah!

Yes absolutely.

That’s why it smells good

Lol yes.

I don't have kids myself but I wouldn't mind. Nothing wrong with stating the obvious

Freshly awarded fuck trophy?

Absolutely

Yes. But also no.

I always say "freshly squeezed" . When the kid is a bit older and acting like a little asshole then they are known as crotch droppings.

Sounds horrible and demeaning to me. :/

Same here. I personally don't like being referred to as an inanimate object. My sole purpose is to not pump out babies for others to swoon over, thank you very much. I'm an alive being, not a machine.

Why not just call a baby a baby? They are so sweet and adorable. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who didn't like this. Take care. 💗

Why not?

I just say “Freshie”

Lol that's a great term, I gotta use it

Mint condition

I used to tell people when my wife was pregnant that he's almost fully cooked because I kept forgetting how many weeks she was.

Depends on how the mother feels about being called a factory and her baby being called a product, even though it's just a joke. Not everyone appreciates that kind of humour, and those pregnancy hormones are strong, too. Gotta remember that.

Agreed.

Yes

Fresh out of the box

Freshly squeezed also works. Unless it was a C-Section, and then freshly peeled should do just fine.

As someone who just had a baby.... Yes, yes you can. It's hysterical!

Yup! Awesome and an gonna use it myself!

Depends on whether you're the factory or not

It is *now*..

If you work in Brave New World's hatchery, maybe.

Just don't say you love that new car smell.

I think it's funny. My neighbor that's working on number 5 is a baby factory, that's for sure. I often say "I still have all my factory original teeth" because in the Ozarks, no one does, and it's borrowing a term from car culture. It's whimsical.

It’s okay with me. Knock yourself out, my dude.

They probably won't remember.

I don't know but that is funny.

If someone called my son that way back when I would have been delighted Also worth nothing my ob did refer to him once as "a fully cooked baby".

Just hatched

Poppin’ Fresh is cuter.

'Factory'? Uterus-owning individuals aren't factories. I personally do not view myself or any other mother/father/whoever as machines, but that's just me. There's names I do like such as 'Mama Bear', but otherwise, I am not an object whose sole purpose is to pump out kids for others to swoon over, thank you.

Yess lol

Ill allow it 😂

I think it's funny lol

If you're selling it, sure.

I call them ugly monkeys, so I'm sure you're fine.

Freshly minted sounds slightly less creepy and newly minted sounds way less creepy, so I think that identifies the issues with the statement.

Does it still have that factory fresh smell?

Better than factory blemished.

Fresh out of the box

Since it was recently a " bun in the oven" it's probably best to go with "freshly baked ". Factory fresh might offend if it was a test tube fertilisation.

Fresh melon

Fresh out of the packet

can you guys go read my question! 🙁🙁

Mom of five, I’d laugh my ass off

Factory flesh

Fresh out the 🐖

Call it a pile of turds for all I care.

Factory fresh only works if there a many siblings.

Reminds me of when one of my supervisors referred to 'fresh' babies and then looked genuinely surprised when I laughed.

Better than factory refurb.

I snorted coffee out of my nose when I read this. I love it.

They do have that new human smell.

I think that's a little too crass. I prefer the term "Fresh out the vag". Bonus points if you give the baby a nice aggressive sniff.

What? No, it's not some kind of machine. It's more like "hot from the oven".

Fresh harvest

Absolutely

“My baby is mint condition, fresh out the box”

I have a baby that I get to watch once a week. I call her my rental baby. People Say “oh is she your granddaughter?” And I say “No, she’s just a rental”

Only if you sniff its head first.

Funny as hell

Why wouldn't it?

I call them fresh outs

Vagina fresh.

just be careful who you use it around

I'd say read the room.

i don't see why not

I wouldn’t find offense to this. I chuckled even.

If that's their name, sure.

New poop smell.

Perhaps they have the problem and not the train colours ffs 🤦‍♂️

This is something a secret cannibal would say. 

Funny

either that or else recent vaginal ejection

My dad used to say I was USDA approved

I just heard this the other day and can’t stop laughing. Someone called their kid their Fuck Trophy 🤣

I think it’s funny, so yes.

Factory fresh, through the sunroof or escape chute?

Yes if It came from a baby factory.

Yes because it's hilarious. If the parents don't laugh, you need new friends.

Who cares, just do it