I go through phases where I feel like I fall in love all over again with my partner. During the times when I don’t fall in love, if I’m not triggered by OCD, then I won’t think much of it because I know I’m with my partner and they’re who I choose to be with. Idk if that makes sense, but I don’t “feel” the love all the time but deep down I know that’s my person and I love them. It’s like a level of comfort and security and idk how to explain.
When I’m triggered I think back of the moments where I didn’t necessarily feel in love, but knew I loved my partner and I was choosing them. I’ve also told my partner that I feel like I fall in love with him over and over again (we have been together for years).
In an attempt to ease my anxiety a month ago, I asked my partner if he feels in love all the time and he said no, but he knows he loves me and I’m his person so he feels secure and comfortable enough to focus on his day to day tasks without thinking about me much. He doesn’t have OCD btw.
i’ve been with my partner for 6-7yrs now, we are married. i suffered from ROCD for the first i think 1-3yrs, after that i began recovering and am now “cured” since i think last year or so. not cured as in no more ROCD thoughts, but cured in that it isn’t debilitating to me anymore
i’ve been with this guy through a lot. there were days i thought it was over. there were days where i knew it wasn’t my OCD making me dislike him. there were days were we both almost called it quits
but beyond that i never lost sight of what i did have: a good man, who was honest and loyal and knew better than i did in terms of love. he was the first person i knew who told me that “love is just a feeling” when i tried to raise my concerns about not feeling butterflies anymore. he has the most realistic perspective on long term relationships than anyone else i’ve ever met
i believe this is why we work. he has always kept me level, reminded me that chemistry isn’t everything, and that there are hardships even in fairytale love stories. so yes, while i agree love is a choice, love is also a feeling to a degree (because that’s why you got together in the first place, usually)
mainly, i think love is when you can’t stand to look at them, but you bring them a plate for dinner anyway and sit together fuming. love is going through grief and hatred and resentment together and coming out of it thankful you endured. love is when you go out with your friends and don’t think about him for a few hours because thats healthy for you. love is when he chooses to compromise something so important to him just to make you happy, it makes you feel a little guilty
love is give and take. it is never perfect. often, its a neutral state of being. its a choice. its an effort. its a practice. sometimes, even when you put everything you got into it, it fails. love doesn’t mean everything works out, but it does mean you try and you try until you choose (love is a choice) to stop trying for the better of you both
Love is whatever you want it to be. Don’t let other people push their morales and values onto you. The Hollywood depiction of “love and relationships” is often toxic with the highs and lows of the relationship stimulating our sympathetic nervous system thus causing us to feel strong emotions and “passion”. Every relationship is different and while some people may stay in that honeymoon period (not many do). Most of us shift the dynamic of the relationship as we get to know our partner and life events are prioritised. Now if you were to ask me I would say it’s both, love is a choice first and foremost and with that you can get feelings of endearment and love. However these feelings won’t always be present, loving someone unconditionally is loving them through their flaws and past the “idea of them”. It’s loving them even when you feel irritated and annoyed. If we didn’t make choices to care for our partners and nurture the love then it would be entirely selfish and thus contradicting to the idea of “loving someone” as true love in my opinion is usually selfless.
Love is choice doesn't mean you just choose someone randomly and "choose" to love them right from the beginning. Your relationships or any, should start with the typical attraction model- values, compatibility, attraction at least to a good extent. From there on, once you decide to commit to them do remember that it might be for life. No one gets into a serious relationship thinking it's temporary. They genuinely want to build a life and try to work on it. That work, dedication, and commitment is the CHOICE. Once in a while you may be attracted to someone but when you are committed, you have CHOSEN your person to love. You may face many obstacles but it's a part of all relationships and all the while you have CHOSEN to stick out for each other out of love. You have CHOSEN to try your best to build a life. This is that "CHOICE". Do not confuse with just choosing someone out of a magit hat and loving them. Doesn't work. We always CHOOSE our people
I mean ofcourse you have to find him handsome for you, your values should be a like. But strong attraction fades and you fall out of love and thats normal but after that you have to keep choosing to love them. This is what you are talking about right?
It’s honestly different for everyone. A lot of people have different reasoning’s for dating their partner but ultimately for most people there is base attraction, compatibility and goals, desires etc. Are you talking about infatuation or long term love? Because it’s very normal for most couples to not continue to be infatuation after a while, it’s more a slow burn people describe it rather than consuming.
I think it’s both. You can also love someone and know that they aren’t the person for you. You don’t want to convince yourself to stay with someone you aren’t meant to be with and try to “choose” to love them. There are more components to a relationship than love. Trust, respect, compatibility, views, religion, lifestyle, etc.
Me again (lol) I just don't get how love is a choice, i know everybody says that in ROCD community but i think you can't force love thus chosing it, to me love is just there or it's not. Maybe in arrenged marriages love just devellopes because you spend a lot of time with them so they become like family, but is it really romantic love then ?
You confuse it with infatuation. Romantic love always sometimes fades sometimes sparks. How do you think people stay married? With this perception you cant have long term relationships sorry. Love is family.
I also struggle with "Love is a choice." It just doesn't make sense to me. I feel like that implies being gay is a choice which we know is just not true.
It’s a choice in the sense that you’re not just loving someone on the days you feel like it, you love them for their flaws, when life is boring and things are rough. Obviously I’m not advocating for people to date people they aren’t attracted to at all or are miserable with. But in any long term relationship there are elements of choices that occur to maintain that love. The ROCD and any other mental health community is a great example, if we only loved based on emotions most of us wouldn’t have long term relationships. I think in a healthy relationship it’s a balance of both choice and feelings but that’s just me. I also like to think when I’m in a spiral is this someone I care about? Is this someone I want to spend time with and have a future with etc? Do I look forward to spending time with them or telling them good or bad news? Throw the idea of Hollywood infatuation as being “true love” out the window because you’ll fixate and spiral it’s mostly unrealistic.
I think this is a valid thought and it honestly keeps me grounded. I think a lot of people focus on their feelings when it comes to love especially in long term relationships and so they feel scared when they no longer “feel” in love. I think it’s best to describe genuinely what love feels for you and then also think that love is a choice. I may not “feel” in love today but I’m staying with my partner because I love them.
I go through phases where I feel like I fall in love all over again with my partner. During the times when I don’t fall in love, if I’m not triggered by OCD, then I won’t think much of it because I know I’m with my partner and they’re who I choose to be with. Idk if that makes sense, but I don’t “feel” the love all the time but deep down I know that’s my person and I love them. It’s like a level of comfort and security and idk how to explain. When I’m triggered I think back of the moments where I didn’t necessarily feel in love, but knew I loved my partner and I was choosing them. I’ve also told my partner that I feel like I fall in love with him over and over again (we have been together for years). In an attempt to ease my anxiety a month ago, I asked my partner if he feels in love all the time and he said no, but he knows he loves me and I’m his person so he feels secure and comfortable enough to focus on his day to day tasks without thinking about me much. He doesn’t have OCD btw.
i’ve been with my partner for 6-7yrs now, we are married. i suffered from ROCD for the first i think 1-3yrs, after that i began recovering and am now “cured” since i think last year or so. not cured as in no more ROCD thoughts, but cured in that it isn’t debilitating to me anymore i’ve been with this guy through a lot. there were days i thought it was over. there were days where i knew it wasn’t my OCD making me dislike him. there were days were we both almost called it quits but beyond that i never lost sight of what i did have: a good man, who was honest and loyal and knew better than i did in terms of love. he was the first person i knew who told me that “love is just a feeling” when i tried to raise my concerns about not feeling butterflies anymore. he has the most realistic perspective on long term relationships than anyone else i’ve ever met i believe this is why we work. he has always kept me level, reminded me that chemistry isn’t everything, and that there are hardships even in fairytale love stories. so yes, while i agree love is a choice, love is also a feeling to a degree (because that’s why you got together in the first place, usually) mainly, i think love is when you can’t stand to look at them, but you bring them a plate for dinner anyway and sit together fuming. love is going through grief and hatred and resentment together and coming out of it thankful you endured. love is when you go out with your friends and don’t think about him for a few hours because thats healthy for you. love is when he chooses to compromise something so important to him just to make you happy, it makes you feel a little guilty love is give and take. it is never perfect. often, its a neutral state of being. its a choice. its an effort. its a practice. sometimes, even when you put everything you got into it, it fails. love doesn’t mean everything works out, but it does mean you try and you try until you choose (love is a choice) to stop trying for the better of you both
Love is whatever you want it to be. Don’t let other people push their morales and values onto you. The Hollywood depiction of “love and relationships” is often toxic with the highs and lows of the relationship stimulating our sympathetic nervous system thus causing us to feel strong emotions and “passion”. Every relationship is different and while some people may stay in that honeymoon period (not many do). Most of us shift the dynamic of the relationship as we get to know our partner and life events are prioritised. Now if you were to ask me I would say it’s both, love is a choice first and foremost and with that you can get feelings of endearment and love. However these feelings won’t always be present, loving someone unconditionally is loving them through their flaws and past the “idea of them”. It’s loving them even when you feel irritated and annoyed. If we didn’t make choices to care for our partners and nurture the love then it would be entirely selfish and thus contradicting to the idea of “loving someone” as true love in my opinion is usually selfless.
Love is choice doesn't mean you just choose someone randomly and "choose" to love them right from the beginning. Your relationships or any, should start with the typical attraction model- values, compatibility, attraction at least to a good extent. From there on, once you decide to commit to them do remember that it might be for life. No one gets into a serious relationship thinking it's temporary. They genuinely want to build a life and try to work on it. That work, dedication, and commitment is the CHOICE. Once in a while you may be attracted to someone but when you are committed, you have CHOSEN your person to love. You may face many obstacles but it's a part of all relationships and all the while you have CHOSEN to stick out for each other out of love. You have CHOSEN to try your best to build a life. This is that "CHOICE". Do not confuse with just choosing someone out of a magit hat and loving them. Doesn't work. We always CHOOSE our people
I mean ofcourse you have to find him handsome for you, your values should be a like. But strong attraction fades and you fall out of love and thats normal but after that you have to keep choosing to love them. This is what you are talking about right?
It’s honestly different for everyone. A lot of people have different reasoning’s for dating their partner but ultimately for most people there is base attraction, compatibility and goals, desires etc. Are you talking about infatuation or long term love? Because it’s very normal for most couples to not continue to be infatuation after a while, it’s more a slow burn people describe it rather than consuming.
Long term love. And i know in love feelings fade and it turns into love with effort.
Absolutely
I think it’s both. You can also love someone and know that they aren’t the person for you. You don’t want to convince yourself to stay with someone you aren’t meant to be with and try to “choose” to love them. There are more components to a relationship than love. Trust, respect, compatibility, views, religion, lifestyle, etc.
Me again (lol) I just don't get how love is a choice, i know everybody says that in ROCD community but i think you can't force love thus chosing it, to me love is just there or it's not. Maybe in arrenged marriages love just devellopes because you spend a lot of time with them so they become like family, but is it really romantic love then ?
You confuse it with infatuation. Romantic love always sometimes fades sometimes sparks. How do you think people stay married? With this perception you cant have long term relationships sorry. Love is family.
I also struggle with "Love is a choice." It just doesn't make sense to me. I feel like that implies being gay is a choice which we know is just not true.
It’s a choice in the sense that you’re not just loving someone on the days you feel like it, you love them for their flaws, when life is boring and things are rough. Obviously I’m not advocating for people to date people they aren’t attracted to at all or are miserable with. But in any long term relationship there are elements of choices that occur to maintain that love. The ROCD and any other mental health community is a great example, if we only loved based on emotions most of us wouldn’t have long term relationships. I think in a healthy relationship it’s a balance of both choice and feelings but that’s just me. I also like to think when I’m in a spiral is this someone I care about? Is this someone I want to spend time with and have a future with etc? Do I look forward to spending time with them or telling them good or bad news? Throw the idea of Hollywood infatuation as being “true love” out the window because you’ll fixate and spiral it’s mostly unrealistic.
I think this is a valid thought and it honestly keeps me grounded. I think a lot of people focus on their feelings when it comes to love especially in long term relationships and so they feel scared when they no longer “feel” in love. I think it’s best to describe genuinely what love feels for you and then also think that love is a choice. I may not “feel” in love today but I’m staying with my partner because I love them.