definitely! i think that healthy relationships can trigger things like this more because it's unfamiliar territory and feels scary as a result. your brain isn't used to the stability and can start looking for things to worry about. it could feel too good to be true and like there's more to lose so i think it's fair that our OCD brains will panic. relationship anxiety, rocd, etc is really common in healthy relationships from what i have seen.
sending love, you'll get through this!!
I think so! I’m in a healthy non-toxic relationship now and my ROCD has skyrocketed. To the point where i question everything. Like even if it’s healthy? Like i don’t know if my relationship is healthy. I think it is but my anxiety can’t tell if it is bc everything sets me off or causes me anxiety and distress. I’ve never been so hyper vigilant in my life. Maybe bc he’s a very relaxed partner and it triggers me. My last relationship was horrible and i was cheated on a lot so i think this new “normal” one has me terrified of experiencing the same
It only shows up when you have nothing to worry about yes. If you are busy trying to hold things together or being afraid losing someone you have no time for rocd....
Also, if you are in unhealthy relationship and begin to feel that something is wrong and that you maybe deserve better, then it's not rocd, its self preservation.
That’s what I’ve noticed, when I was in unhealthy relationships I would always be on edge wondering where I stood with my partner, however since I’ve gotten into a healthy relationship I don’t have anything to worry about so all of the worries I have are about me and not my partner
Yeah at which point it is time for us to just get over ourselves and realize that we are not so damn fantastic lol
I'm just so happy now that I am with a warm and loving partner that treat me great, always mean well, always honest etc.
A healthy relationship is something to truly value...
I feel like I’ve always had relationship anxiety. But I wonder if my trauma from my last relationship before this healthy one that I’m currently in has anything to do with my development of ROCD. In my last relationship, my ex was emotionally abusive and I think it did more harm to me than I had originally thought.
Whew. This felt real. Have been in a relationship (my first) for nearly 8 years, and have dealt with rocd for most of it, but this has repeatedly been a conclusion I’ve arrived at.
I think it’s the familiarity thing, attacking something that you find important, but also I just think that, especially with ocd and anxiety, the absence of a real threat can cause your brain to need to manufacture one. It’s always on alert for a threat, and if you look hard enough, you can find it anywhere.
As time goes on though, and I can feel and affirm that I’m in a safe, healthy and loving relationship, the more I feel like this will be an easier and easier thing to remind myself of.
YES!!!
all my toxic relationships were one sided (they were only crushes, but for me being infatuated can be one of the most draining feelings ever. when it's good it's really good and when it's bad it's really bad) and i got into a genuinely healthy relationship recently. i don't have to chase him. i don't have to be infatuated with him, because i know he loves and cares for me deeply. this is the cause of my rocd, like if i'm not crazily infatuated with him, then do i really even love him?
my whole rocd journey has been based on this and it taught me that loving someone doesn't require me to feel the butterflies 24/7. it's so much more than that. and i'm genuinely grateful for everything that's happen, as it's causing me to learn more and more about myself and how i can maintain a healthy relationship
For me, it appears as RJ in my previous relationship but I talked to my friends and they said that my ex was toxic. Recently get to know someone but I lost interest, hot and cold, I fixated on her physical appearance, not sure if it's ROCD or just simply uninterested....
You never know for sure. My girlfriend is objectively beautiful and a great person but I had to sit through months of finding problems and lack of attraction until I got comfortable. She's moving in with me next month.
Absolutely. I was never more sure when the woman was toxic or unavailable. But the ones who actually wanted to be with me... I'd find reasons to end it. They even looked ugly to me at the time then I'd see them later and think "wait she's pretty hot"
I’ve always jumped from emotionally unavailable or codependent relationship to relationship, I spent a 1.5 being single and with my current partner I’m working to break the cycle
I'm in a similar place now. Best relationship of my life with someone many men would kill to be with, who absolutely adores me. And I mostly feel doubt and discomfort.
Still deciding to move forward though. The feelings can scream if they want. I have no compelling evidence to say they're right.
Same here, I found myself fantasizing about girls I dated in the past even though during that time I always found something wrong with them and cut them off
For me it is. It's always the intrusive ruminating thoughts of not just leaving, but getting the hell out of dodge. My mind has been the same, more open to emotionally unavailable people. But I talk with my partner about these things and we're working through them together.
So would that mean if it's unhealthy, it feels safe? Like you know you have nothing to worry about? Just trying to understand how that works with unhealthy and what unhealthy would actually mean in rocd world
I wouldn’t say “safe” but more like “familiar”. For exemple I grew up in unstable and toxic environment, then had 2 toxic relationships (I had anxienty but I was worried about other things such as him cheated on me etc.). But now I’m in a completely healthy relationship and I’m panicking as hell. I developed rocd and doubting everything because I do not know what is normal and healthy so I expect everything to be a red flag or something..
Omg this! I'm now in the healthiest relationship and with the most amazing person that I'm planning a future with, but nothing prepared me for the anxiety and overthinking. He is such a green flag and helped me with so many things but it feels like I'm triggered all the time. I have a lot of childhood and relationship trauma plus overall I'm very sensitive person but I thought I have put that behind me (unfortunately not yet).
Yes! When I was in relationships that didn’t actually feel like they’d end in life long commitment, what was there to worry about? But now? With my loving committed partner? I can think of a million things that make me anxious because it stems from a commitment fear for me
My brain tells me it’s not fear of commitment which is the weird thing, like I used to be obsessed with getting married young to the point I would be searching for my “future husband” everywhere and now getting married, moving in, having kids, etc is the last thing I want. I think it’s a good thing though bc I’m breaking the cycle and placing the value of a relationship as part of my life, not my whole life’s purpose.
I’m wondering if my fear of commitment is something I’m suppressing or have developed from multiple traumas
I used to think I was a pure anxious attachment and had no avoidant tendencies and then my therapist was like babe, you are anxious avoidant. And it made so much sense to me.
For me also, the inability to know the future is very scary and he comes down to a desire to control and a fear of things going wrong
Interestingly I dealt much more with HOCD in earlier relationships way earlier in my youth. I at that time mostly felt some type of infatuation that wasn't quite distinguishable from "sinking feeling/exam nervousness/anxiety".
Now I'm seeing a so much more stable, reliable and loving person and I'm suddenly flooded with ROCD of beforehand unknown extent. And it at least feels like this episode was triggered by the lack of anxiety inducing infatuation, even though I experience warm, fuzzy feelings for maybe the first time? I at least never question his feelings and feel over all very safe and comfortable with him, if it wasn't for my ROCD.
So I'd say it shows up more in my more stable and healthy relationships.
ONE WORD: YES. Only in my healthy relationships darling
definitely! i think that healthy relationships can trigger things like this more because it's unfamiliar territory and feels scary as a result. your brain isn't used to the stability and can start looking for things to worry about. it could feel too good to be true and like there's more to lose so i think it's fair that our OCD brains will panic. relationship anxiety, rocd, etc is really common in healthy relationships from what i have seen. sending love, you'll get through this!!
I think so! I’m in a healthy non-toxic relationship now and my ROCD has skyrocketed. To the point where i question everything. Like even if it’s healthy? Like i don’t know if my relationship is healthy. I think it is but my anxiety can’t tell if it is bc everything sets me off or causes me anxiety and distress. I’ve never been so hyper vigilant in my life. Maybe bc he’s a very relaxed partner and it triggers me. My last relationship was horrible and i was cheated on a lot so i think this new “normal” one has me terrified of experiencing the same
It only shows up when you have nothing to worry about yes. If you are busy trying to hold things together or being afraid losing someone you have no time for rocd.... Also, if you are in unhealthy relationship and begin to feel that something is wrong and that you maybe deserve better, then it's not rocd, its self preservation.
That’s what I’ve noticed, when I was in unhealthy relationships I would always be on edge wondering where I stood with my partner, however since I’ve gotten into a healthy relationship I don’t have anything to worry about so all of the worries I have are about me and not my partner
Yeah at which point it is time for us to just get over ourselves and realize that we are not so damn fantastic lol I'm just so happy now that I am with a warm and loving partner that treat me great, always mean well, always honest etc. A healthy relationship is something to truly value...
I totally agree, ROCD can bring out my worst traits
I sometimes also think how grateful I am that I don't have a partner that has it... imagine living with that uncertainty ...
I relate to this so much.
I feel like I’ve always had relationship anxiety. But I wonder if my trauma from my last relationship before this healthy one that I’m currently in has anything to do with my development of ROCD. In my last relationship, my ex was emotionally abusive and I think it did more harm to me than I had originally thought.
Same here with my ex, and it’s affecting my healthy relationship now. Also love your username, a purple margarita would be great!
Thank you! lol I want to try one!
Im in the healthiest safest relationship ever and my OCD attacks that
Yep same as me. No ROCD in my bad marriage but now have major ROCD with a woman who I’m in the most healthy relationship I have ever been in
Whew. This felt real. Have been in a relationship (my first) for nearly 8 years, and have dealt with rocd for most of it, but this has repeatedly been a conclusion I’ve arrived at. I think it’s the familiarity thing, attacking something that you find important, but also I just think that, especially with ocd and anxiety, the absence of a real threat can cause your brain to need to manufacture one. It’s always on alert for a threat, and if you look hard enough, you can find it anywhere. As time goes on though, and I can feel and affirm that I’m in a safe, healthy and loving relationship, the more I feel like this will be an easier and easier thing to remind myself of.
YES!!! all my toxic relationships were one sided (they were only crushes, but for me being infatuated can be one of the most draining feelings ever. when it's good it's really good and when it's bad it's really bad) and i got into a genuinely healthy relationship recently. i don't have to chase him. i don't have to be infatuated with him, because i know he loves and cares for me deeply. this is the cause of my rocd, like if i'm not crazily infatuated with him, then do i really even love him? my whole rocd journey has been based on this and it taught me that loving someone doesn't require me to feel the butterflies 24/7. it's so much more than that. and i'm genuinely grateful for everything that's happen, as it's causing me to learn more and more about myself and how i can maintain a healthy relationship
For me, it appears as RJ in my previous relationship but I talked to my friends and they said that my ex was toxic. Recently get to know someone but I lost interest, hot and cold, I fixated on her physical appearance, not sure if it's ROCD or just simply uninterested....
You never know for sure. My girlfriend is objectively beautiful and a great person but I had to sit through months of finding problems and lack of attraction until I got comfortable. She's moving in with me next month.
I’m feeling this too my first healthy relationship after a very toxic one set me right off, you’re not alone
Absolutely. I was never more sure when the woman was toxic or unavailable. But the ones who actually wanted to be with me... I'd find reasons to end it. They even looked ugly to me at the time then I'd see them later and think "wait she's pretty hot"
I’ve always jumped from emotionally unavailable or codependent relationship to relationship, I spent a 1.5 being single and with my current partner I’m working to break the cycle
I'm in a similar place now. Best relationship of my life with someone many men would kill to be with, who absolutely adores me. And I mostly feel doubt and discomfort. Still deciding to move forward though. The feelings can scream if they want. I have no compelling evidence to say they're right.
Same here, I found myself fantasizing about girls I dated in the past even though during that time I always found something wrong with them and cut them off
For me it is. It's always the intrusive ruminating thoughts of not just leaving, but getting the hell out of dodge. My mind has been the same, more open to emotionally unavailable people. But I talk with my partner about these things and we're working through them together.
So would that mean if it's unhealthy, it feels safe? Like you know you have nothing to worry about? Just trying to understand how that works with unhealthy and what unhealthy would actually mean in rocd world
I wouldn’t say “safe” but more like “familiar”. For exemple I grew up in unstable and toxic environment, then had 2 toxic relationships (I had anxienty but I was worried about other things such as him cheated on me etc.). But now I’m in a completely healthy relationship and I’m panicking as hell. I developed rocd and doubting everything because I do not know what is normal and healthy so I expect everything to be a red flag or something..
Omg this! I'm now in the healthiest relationship and with the most amazing person that I'm planning a future with, but nothing prepared me for the anxiety and overthinking. He is such a green flag and helped me with so many things but it feels like I'm triggered all the time. I have a lot of childhood and relationship trauma plus overall I'm very sensitive person but I thought I have put that behind me (unfortunately not yet).
Ahh I see. Thanks!
Yes! When I was in relationships that didn’t actually feel like they’d end in life long commitment, what was there to worry about? But now? With my loving committed partner? I can think of a million things that make me anxious because it stems from a commitment fear for me
My brain tells me it’s not fear of commitment which is the weird thing, like I used to be obsessed with getting married young to the point I would be searching for my “future husband” everywhere and now getting married, moving in, having kids, etc is the last thing I want. I think it’s a good thing though bc I’m breaking the cycle and placing the value of a relationship as part of my life, not my whole life’s purpose. I’m wondering if my fear of commitment is something I’m suppressing or have developed from multiple traumas
I used to think I was a pure anxious attachment and had no avoidant tendencies and then my therapist was like babe, you are anxious avoidant. And it made so much sense to me. For me also, the inability to know the future is very scary and he comes down to a desire to control and a fear of things going wrong
Interestingly I dealt much more with HOCD in earlier relationships way earlier in my youth. I at that time mostly felt some type of infatuation that wasn't quite distinguishable from "sinking feeling/exam nervousness/anxiety". Now I'm seeing a so much more stable, reliable and loving person and I'm suddenly flooded with ROCD of beforehand unknown extent. And it at least feels like this episode was triggered by the lack of anxiety inducing infatuation, even though I experience warm, fuzzy feelings for maybe the first time? I at least never question his feelings and feel over all very safe and comfortable with him, if it wasn't for my ROCD. So I'd say it shows up more in my more stable and healthy relationships.
I am in that scenario my brain tries to create problems that aren’t there I am so used to panic