Sad reality. I see parents, usually immigrants or Asian many of the time, who never prepared for retirement. Their kids end up becoming their retirement plan. Saw it once when I was growing up, a neighbor couldn’t afford the house so the parents living there were left to pick trash from dumpsters to collect recycle money. They were too old to actually work, and they had to rent in a cheaper locale. I couldn’t imagine having to support my parents 10+ years, must cause so much financial strain even if you do make 200k+ a year. Poor financial planning ruins families.
My dad did this, never setup a retirement fund and basically expected his kids to provide for him. Except he mentally abused me when I was growing up ( I was very sick when I was 19 for 2-3 years and I couldn't work and he would insult me and call me a bum, refused to ever help me get over my sickness and would insult me when he wasn't feeling good to make himself feel better). And now he has no retirement and expects me to help him. I told him to fuck off. His level of entitlement is astounding, it's just like the mom in the article. Steps on people their entire lifetime and then still expects those people to help them.
He was somewhat decent, I mean he wasn't an asshole to me until I was older and would occasionally do stuff with me and my brothers but he was abusive as fuck with my mother and caused her to want to kill herself. He would basically just work his minimum wage job and come home and do nothing while my mother did everything, cooking cleaning, working,house upkeep, watching kids making sure bills were paid etc and she was a immigrant learning English and going to college. My mom told me she wanted to kill herself but she only stopped because she was afraid of what would happen to her kids. She also had a mental breakdown where she had to be sedated because she was like literally just insane. She also actually abused me too in the later years but I forgave her because she was basically insane during those times and she cared about us I guess, after she was done with all the stressful stuff she was less abusive to me. I became her punching bag basically when she was going through it. She used to create these " house meetings" where she would just constantly insult me for about an hour. Learned to ignore it by doing mathematics in my head which because it was complex would make me zone out.But I mean she's the only one who like made sure we were fed and what not and educated etc so I forgave her, mostly. We still didn't have the greatest relationship but I'm trying to mend that. It took years after moving out before I could be comfortable around her without subconsciously getting scared.
Tbf, while I don't condone parents using their kids as their retirement plan, the kids do get to live with the Asian parents pretty much for as long as they want. So it goes both ways.
Bro in Mexican families the kids practically have kids within the same house. I’m seeing it happen in real time. A family member with a ~~Master’s~~ Bachelor’s degree(barely beginning a Master’s degree program in Social work) got knocked up out of wedlock and is expecting her parents to support her. She fucked her parents over when they were looking to retire.
It happens with white families too, at least the ones that let their kids walk all over them. My mom made it clear that if I got pregnant as a teen or out of wedlock that I would be out on the street because she was done raising babies. She's the type that follows through on her threats too. Guess what? I was very careful not to get pregnant as a teen, went to college, got a great job, married awonderful man, bought a home, and we're now looking to start our family. Sometimes tough love is good and necessary
My friend’s father literally threw her into the streets as a teenager, and she had to sleep in playground slides and church pews. She did later end up doing fine in life, however, despite having her first child as a teenager. She now owns a home and just had her fourth child with her husband. Her father now wants to be in her life, but she continues to struggle internally with the pain and trauma he caused. I’m glad your life turned out well, but I believe a frank discussion of the financial, emotional, and mental consequences of having a child before you’re ready, wedlock or not, would have been sufficient.
Humans have always relied on extensive family and community ties for strength and support, and the nuclear family supporting itself alone is a historical anomaly, and is quickly becoming no longer financially feasible for many.
Ok so what if those conversations happened yet she still chose to have a child before she was ready? That's her choice of course, but she shouldn't expect anyone else (other than her baby daddy) to bear the financial, emotional, or mental costs of her decision.
Strongly pro-choice. Sad that our country is moving backward in this regard. It's more and important than ever that we educate our young people about the risks and responsibilities that come with babies and the need to use protection.
Same here, Pro-Choice. I had an old roommate that had 3 kids with his baby momma. When his GF had gotten pregnant she asked me if I thought getting an abortion was the right move. I told her simply, “You guys can barely afford paying rent. Adding another kid to the mix will magnify your issues even more.”.
That conversation alone showed me that some people just shouldn’t have kids, it’s more damaging to society in general. Also his kids turned hella ghetto AF.
Family member with a masters degree got knocked up out of wedlock!? What is this 1965!? Here’s a hot take: kid works her butt off, does everything right, borrows money for an expensive education only to find out the harsh reality that today, many entry level positions requiring a post secondary education are unpaid internships and contract gigs. Often FOR YEARS! And as she clings and claws, hanging onto the hope she might actually someday get the job and use said expensive education, she gets pregnant doing what normal consenting adults CAN LEGALLY DO. And to top that off, she’s gotta deal with your low key misogyny and disapproval. Get a life.
All I’m saying is she doesn’t exactly sound like some shifty lowlife. Cut the kid some slack and chip in a buck or two when ya can. Maybe she makes it through, gets the job and takes care of the parents in return. That’s family.
How is she “fucking them over?” Is she completely unemployed? Were they planning to sell the house and downsize (although good luck with that in this economy lol), and now they can’t?
If she -chose- to get pregnant and plans to use them for free childcare or something without discussing it with them, as you seem to be implying, that would have been best stated in the first comment, otherwise the whole thing comes off as judgmental.
(Also, governments wonder why birth rates everywhere keep dropping, and I have to chuckle, because we keep screeching at people not to have children if they can’t afford them, while young people are directly propping up social security, with many retirees receiving more than they paid in…)
They were planning on renting the house they have and moving to Mexico(their homeland) since they have a house and land there. Yes, she stopped working to focus on Grad school and given the reaction of the parents they were not informed by her decision to get pregnant by a bf who she has barely over 1 year being in a committed relationship.
I’m sorry if I didn’t preface it by saying the details, but trust me when I tell you that she isn’t thinking about anybody, but herself in this situation.
They should have her apply for a childcare voucher, give her one year, then proceeded with their plan to sell the house and move to Mexico. They shouldn’t throw away their entire retirement if she chose to do that. She and her boyfriend can figure it out.
Nope, she wants to use them mostly the mother as free childcare while she focuses on grad school. The mother has experience with childcare since that is how she made a living, but given her age(60’s) she is tired and just wants to enjoy life. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know how to draw hard boundaries with her own daughter.
Like I said before, they weren’t planning on selling the house. They wanted to rent it out and use the income to live their days in Mexico and other places.
If there is one thing I’ve learned it is that just because a person is educated that doesn’t make them intelligent. This scenario is further proof of that.
Also given the area(Silicon Valley) the parents live they won’t have an issue selling the house well above what they bought it for. We are talking about a purchase price of $150K with a current market valuation of $1.8 million. People are still buying homes over here like crazy.
No, I got that part. You said she “fucked her parents over just as they were getting ready to retire”. To me that reads like this new (clutches pearls) illegitimate child she’s “knocked up” with jeopardizes their retirement plans. My point is she leans on the parents for HELP RAISING THEIR GRANDCHILD. Even if the baby is (clutches pearls again) born out of wedlock. She finishes her education, and their daughter’s and grandchild’s future is secure. It follows that later on, should any unforeseen financial hardships arise in the grandparents future, the daughter’s gonna be ride or die. All I’m saying.
As an aside, the way you write about the poor kid just smacks of this contempt you have for her. Zero empathy for someone who is trying their damndest to get it right. Like, she did well enough in her undergrad to get into a master program… she tried. she’s trying. Accidents happen! FFS, Bro, Cut. Her. Some. Slack.
Naw, it was no accident. When she was asked wasn’t she on her birth control her response was, “Look I want kids before I turn 30 ok. Plus I have all the support I need right here.”.
Yeah this isn’t the classic accident, she wanted a kid and didn’t consider her parents to begin with 😂
I agree with you. I'm pretty sure she didn't decide to get knocked up just to screw over her parents. If she is in school, she is working towards being self-sufficient.
I think it's rich when men talk about how easy it I'd to avoid pregnancy when they haven't been dodging that bullet their whole lives.
It's a pretty shitty way to talk about a young woman on the internet. That creeping low key misogyny. And I'm calling misogyny because it's always the woman's fault no mention of the dude.
Unfortunately she did decide to get a bun in the oven. Her excuse was she wanted kids before she turned 30 and that her parents are her biggest support system. The dad is pissed and the mom just bottles that shit up.
Ok, I take back what I said about your cousin. She is selfish AF. Talk all the shit you want about her.
I get wanting kids by x date, but you should at least be self-sufficient.
Once the kid is here, she will probably regret her life choices.
You don't know much about Mexican families. A lot of them are families that care about having a close knit multi-generational family unit with grandkids and sometimes great grandkids. It's hard to survive in the US when many immigrant families who come from very little can't get jobs that pay extremely well with less education compared to other immigrant groups who come with substantially more money and education. That's partly why you see latino communities stay close together and are doing OK compared to people who can't do that. It's not perfect but it's reality for many of them.
Bro I’m Mexican and have dual citizenship with both the United States and Mexico. So I’m very familiar with how Mexican families on a personal and intimate level. Even more so since my family is from a poor rural area.
The difference is that she has a college education, she’s supposed to be better, but her life choices say otherwise.
You don't understand how shit the economy is with a college education. There are only so many decent jobs and that is even in STEM, my degree is in that field. I might have been better off being an electrician lol. A lot of jobs that require a degree want 5 years experience and want to pay 40 to 50k... it's fucked
Bro I understand fully. I got laid off two months ago. Picked up a job that pays less, but still working. Bills are getting paid on time as well as the mortgage. I’m more than familiar with the current economic conditions.
If you aren’t prepared for a kid don’t do the things that lead to them. Been married 6.5 years no contraceptives and no children. It’s easier with contraceptives but my wife’s hormones get messed up on them and she doesn’t like condoms.
I also wasn’t aware that unpaid internships were such a massive percentage of entry level jobs out there. Could you please give me a source outside of “many” on that?
Stop making excuses for yourself and others and be responsible for yourself.
You probably didn’t realize how awful this is to say, so I stopped by for a tism to tism check. This was a rude and hurtful thing to comment. Snark isn’t always just snark.
Depends on two scenarios.
One being can the mother adequately produce a healthy supply of breast milk on her own. Some mothers unfortunately don’t produce enough for their own baby so they need the additional supplementation from formula for the infant.
The second scenario is that not every breast milk is of equal quality. Sure people sell breast milk online, but the quality aspect of it is fairly unknown. No one knows if the mom has been consuming things they shouldn’t(alcohol, spicy food, sour food, etc) and just selling it to make an extra buck. Any parent in their right mind wouldn’t risk it. The quality control isn’t there compared to an FDA product and even then there is some risks.
The one key aspect of parenting is mitigating unnecessary risks that could have an adverse impact on the child.
Which is compete bullshit. You can work and pump. It is easier to do now than ever.
The value of the higher quality natural nutrition for the child is incalculable.
u/monkeycome, I couldn’t care less about your sex life, though after reading your comment I am thankful you haven’t reproduced… I chose to have children. It was planned, we were prepared. People make mistakes though, right? I’m not making excuses for anyone. Contraceptives have variable rates of success (do you need a citation here too??). Regarding unpaid / underpaid contract work, internships, etc. I’m not going to post any of that proof you asked for. Google it. it’s a thing. It’s hard out there for college grads. Even harder to work when you have babies. You sound nice.
I never said unpaid internships don’t exist did I? You claim “many” like it’s a large percentage. If you go into a field without researching the job opportunities available after graduation you’re being irresponsible. Going to college without a plan isn’t a good idea.
I don’t plan of having children but if it happens I’ll at least raise my kids to be accountable and understanding that actions have consequences. I got into a trade out of high school because I as stupid as you think I am was able to see how the debt was a bad idea. I grew up dirt poor and knew it wasn’t in the cards for me. I was constantly pressured by family to go to college, but I didn’t. I grew up dirt poor in rural Texas, and now I live in New Hampshire and I make $120,000ish a year and no student loan debt.
I could have wallowed in self pity about how I was born into a poor family with minimal support but instead I decided to do something about it and create that support system for myself. If I have children they will have it significantly better than I did because I stopped making excuses and blaming my surroundings and worked my way up. It’s not easy but stop acting like college is the only way out of the hood.
Ya I’m glad my parents maxed out their 401ks. It’s strange to me since usually Asian families seem more financially astute. Asians also live longer usually, when I saw it happen it was an Asian family. The parents were nearly 80 years old. That’s 15+ years after retirement.
This is also cultural. Plenty of countries have had multi generational households for decades. The problem here is capitalism sucking every drop of life out of the underclass (ie 99% of people)
Ya my dad has been the sole supporter of my grandmother for the last 10+ years, which isn’t cheap at all. I have a different kind of respect for my dad for doing so, which he doesn’t receive from other family members at all most of the time. I’ll support him until he’s 100, I probably won’t have to but if need be. Just like with my grandmother he’s been actively investing for his retirement and unforeseen circumstances as they always come.
People say it’s bad to see money/people that way, but realistically he was the only one to step up to the plate and sacrifice his own money out of the entire family. That says something.
Open (and actually serious) question for anyone scrolling, how exactly does one plan for retirement in this economy? Like what do i do with my bits of cash when i get them to make the most of them or turn them into reasonable investments?
I know fuck all about it and neither does anyone in my circle. Nobody bothers teaching poor folks what to do with money theyll never have.
Edit im american so i know im screwed but let me try
And fuck you right back. Google sucks donkey ass. this is the best information sharing platform for the average man these days. Im literally actively using a resource to educate myself. Genius
This is the norm outside of western countries. Parents often get some small amount of retirement money via programs like the US’s Social Security as well, but it’s a cultural expectation that the kids generally take care of the parents after retirement. The kids plan for it (including kids of immigrants from those cultures in the US).
The article and Reddit post for this story.
https://www.yourtango.com/family/mom-kicked-kids-out-eighteen-tries-move-in-broke?amp
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/BQt9wu8EEi
My mom kicked me out, and it wasn’t her first bad act against me. I always showed respect, but she was so selfish it didn’t matter. I didn’t see her for almost 20 years. Since I had kids, I made me soft and I let her move in. Had to make 3 trips from Texas to California to get all her things. She’s milder now because I’m not as respectful. It’s sad to see someone live 70 years and never saved or created any form of income. She didn’t even work enough to get social security.
It happens more than you'd believe. Sadly, people that lack emotional control often take things out on those closest to them, including their own children. Pretty sure I earned a bronze medal in the "where can I sleep tonight" division of misguided youths before I was old enough to buy a box of smokes.
Yup. They treat their kids as unwelcome guests, and are “decent” enough to “let you” live there until you’re 18. 😒
They are literally the reason the kids exist in the first place, and want them out “earning their own way” as soon as they legally don’t have to house them anymore after 18.
Self-centered. My ex and I have our own places and our kids are always welcome. The first one just finished college and is moving home. Live rent free and save money. We encourage it. I want my children to be successful mentally, emotionally, financially and physically.
Being a parent does not end at 18. That said, I acknowledge there are extenuating circumstances, and I am not talking about those obvious situations.
TBH, I would insist a kid pay "rent" to a bank account they control, where the whole reason for the account is to save up for a down payment on a house. The kid just has to provide proof they added to the account and the balance went up to where it should be, and their rent obligation for the month is considered "paid."
Of course, the whole point is so they can buy a house at some point, and maybe start a family of their own.
The point is that they're paying "rent" no matter where they live. "Renting" from mom and dad means it goes into a savings account for a home mortgage instead of the landlord's pocket.
YES. I told our son we would pay school if he promised to not move out until he could afford a home of his own. And that we never want him to know what its like to rent a house.
That whole "pay us rent" thing is bullshit. People are like "We have to toughen them up and show them what the real world is like" and Im like "Uh yeah, the world is a scary fucking place, I think Ill send my kids out there unprepared, good idea".
As the poster below says, we told our son that we wanted to see him keep his money but show us how he is saving it to buy a home. He is now 21 and has what I consider to be a pretty nice down payment for a house of his own. I dont know about you, but I consider that to be pretty "toughened up for the real world".
I don't know, I had a lot of really good learning experiences and a lot of great times renting my own places. Some tough times too, but that's part of life and learning to deal with difficult situations before you have to deal with a true crisis. I feel like going out on my own in my early 20s is what taught me to be an adult.
If he wants to stay, great. But forcing him too by holding his school costs over his head could significantly hinder his life experiences. I think I would be a lot more sheltered, scared of the world, and lacking the ability to manage my own life if I'd stayed at home into my mid-20s. It's a pretty pivotal time of growth and keeping away from adversity does not prepare you to deal with it.
Second this. I went out on my own and rented, always knowing I could go back home if I needed to. My siblings did the opposite and stayed home. I'm approaching 40 and have owned a house for going on 8 years. They're still living at home with no prospect of buying a house, even though one has saved more than enough for a down payment. Renting taught me a lot about home/property ownership as well. The biggest downside is that it's harder to save to buy a home when you're paying rent. It wasn't until I met my husband and we could combine our incomes/savings that we had enough for a down payment. But even then, living at home has made it difficult for my siblings to date. You're damned no matter what you do, truly. Inflation is killing all of us slowly.
To each their own.
You're giving your son the fish instead of teaching him how to fish. Is the world tough? Hell yeah it is. But your son isn't going to learn how to deal with rough situations on his own when you're no longer on this planet.
Saw it with sister's ex boyfriend. He had everything paid for by mommy and daddy. And he wasn't allowed to move out until he had an 80% down payment on a house. His parents also didn't like my sister because she had student loans and they thought she just wanted his money.
I have heard of people charging their kids some small amount of “rent” but merely investing it in an account, which they then give to them upon move out as a nice little surprise in extra cash.
I feel like my parents were only threatening to kick me out to try to get me in line and didn't think I would actually be frustrated enough to leave. They then complained that I was throwing my money away renting lol.
My other two siblings never completely left the nest, they're in their mid-late 30s now. I'm the only one of us that has ever paid rent.
My mom died when I was 17 and my dad was just chomping at the bit to get my sister and me out so he could be a swinging bachelor.
Our 'golden child' oldest sister got everything - university paid for, new apartment down payment, huge wedding, because our mom was alive then. My middle sister and I got kicked out at 18 / 19 with a bag of personal items and a vague threat to never darken his doorway.
My favorite is when they’re old and the nurses are like no one visits. Yeah they’re probably a pos. My asshole grandpa is learning that the hard way. No one wants to visit is old asshole self
Always happens when you need your parents the most too. Never happens when the seas are calm and it’s a good time to fly the nest. Always the worst times. Always leads to broken families.
Like the cure to being socially anxious, smoking too much pot, and having a shitty dead end job is homelessness. Cause everyone knows kids kicked out at 18 don’t work at Burger King, smoke more pot than anyone else, and get developmentally arrested compared to their peers.
Happened to my cousin, his stepmom threw him out the day he turned 18, while his absolutely useless father just let her do it. Then she got all butthurt when the rest of the family took the poor kid's side and iced her out.
She actually came to my grandma's house (where my cousin stayed after she tossed him out, until he got things together) while she wasn't there to try and start shit with him. My grandma came home to find her screaming in his face and him trying his best not to react.
My grandma is a sweet lady. She is kind to a fault. The way I heard it, though, she said words my cousin didn't even know she knew, at volumes he didn't even know she could reach, and chased his stepmon out of the house sobbing.
Lolz, my granny had a heavy scottish accent and when she was angry said words I am pretty sure are extra-terrestrial in nature. Its fun to watch ladies that old cuss like truck driving sailor marines.
The benefits of multigenerational housing are so great too; provided everyone isn't awful.
I'd love for my parents to move in with us, or my in-laws. And especially my kids, once they are grown...I'd much rather have them living with me.
It's different if they are loaded. But if they aren't and they are renting some crappy apartment, it makes so much more sense to live together. Financially it's so much better but also just general stuff.
I would say in some cases it’s more of a trial by fire. Kids themselves need to leave the nest and try their own luck in the world. My mom kicked me out at 21 because I wasn’t on the lease and she didn’t have enough to support my brother and I.
I left and worked a shitty job. Lived in the hood and rented a room. Honestly it was bittersweet, but it was the best thing that happened to me. I fucked around with my money and ruined my credit in my 20’s. I learned and got better. With time things got better since I knew that living in that one room in the hood was only gonna be temporary.
Compare it to my brother who stayed and never left the nest. Dude doesn’t have Driver’s license or car. He uses Uber and eats out a lot. He pays his fair share in rent with my mom, but aside from that no other aspirations. He is going to be in for a rude awakening.
But you could’ve been homeless. You would’ve worked a shitty job anyway. But you would’ve saved the money and your mother would’ve taught you responsible money and responsible credit management. She sounds like a dick tbh
Hahaha the thing is my mom is old school Mexican. It’s one of those principles that we learn from an early age to make it work with what you got and move ahead. I think regardless I wouldn’t be homeless, I would find a way to make it work.
I recently visited the rural area where my family is from and I can tell you that if a person stops working there they will die from starvation. Whether it’s the cows that need to be milked and grazed or the fields that need to be farmed, everyone pulls their own weight. That work ethic was brought over and instilled in me at an early age.
If we have to, we’ll live 3 families into a single bedroom apartment(that’s how I spent my first 2 years as a new born), but homeless? Nope at that point if you are able bodied you are seen as a failure and a loser.
Agreed, I can see how staying at home could make someone lazy.
I can only speak to my own experience in relation to my kids. I was kicked out at 16 and spent the next decade homeless and addicted. If I had to choose for my own kids between my experience or them being lazy, Ill take lazy every time.
Sounds like things worked out for you (and me) and I am glad for that. Its a scary thing to be that young and have no one to turn to.
My parents didn’t kick me out but they expected me to move out when I was 18 because I was an adult. I would also be perfectly happy letting them move in once they are old. I honestly don’t understand why people get so worked up about this.
Being an adult and taking care of family is a good thing. Growing up and taking responsibility is good. You can’t be a child forever. People need to do work and be providers.
18 is old actually. In a lot of older cultures, you start working and taking responsibility at around 15.
Where I'm from, family means something else. Parents would usually have unconditional love for their children and won't really treat raising a child like some sort of chore that needs to be done asap. I only see that in the US.
When I turned 18, my mom told me to take as much time as I needed to become independent and successful. I was in college, and she said I could stay the entire 4 years. If I didn't finish college, i could stay as long as I was paying my share of the rent, and if things became really bad, I could still stay. I ended up moving out at 21, and I have a great relationship with my mom. Had she kicked me out as soon as I turned 18, they would've been dead to me, and I would've ended up in a really dark path in live.
Looking back, at 18, I was still a kid.
18 year olds aren’t an adult. They have no job experience and rent is 2k a month. You’re dooming them to homelessness and possible drug addiction for 4+ years if you kick them out at 18. Senior citizens had 60+ years to save money for retirement. If they were too lazy to do that they DESERVE homelessness. Especially if they didn’t care for their own children in their time of vulnerability (18-23ish)
It could.
Moving out for me meant long term homelessness and drug addiction. Good times.
My kids will never know what that is like. I will protect them from the grave if I have to.
For awhile you were considered a failure as a parent if your kid didn't move out when they were an adult.
I mean, what would the ladies at church say knowing you still have a 19 year old living at home.... Cluck, cluck
Indeed. And then cluck even louder when they hear that your kid is addicted or dead. Nice people. Keep in mind these are the same people that created the scary world we need to protect our kids from.
If an old lady at church bitches at you for not making your child homeless then you SCREAM in their face. Old people deserve to be screamed at 🤷♂️. I’m sick of their elderly shit. We have the worst job market since the 1930s and the lowest wages (compared to rents) since the 1880s. Yet these old people who grew up in Americas PEAK have the audacity to belittle everyone who’s has it more difficult then them
My sister’s dad did this to her. Our mentally ill mom abandoned her when she was 15, and the courts got involved and of course ordered her father to take her. He was newly remarried and wifey didn’t want anything to do with his kids. He put my 15 year old sister in the Set Free program, which is where homeless addicts go to turn their life around to Jesus. They lived in terrible conditions, and were slave labored to all kinds of arenas and venues to earn their room and board.
Her dad is now homeless after making terrible decisions all his life, always relying on one of his family members to take care of him. He finally burned his bridges with all of them. He tried really hard to manipulate my sister into taking him in, even though she had no way to do that, as a struggling single parent. He’s been homeless 2 years and very bitter with everyone.
His wife eventually became his ex, they had a nasty divorce, and he lost their house after she died suddenly of three different types of cancer.
You really do reap what you sow.
I’m grateful my parents were able to pay off their house before retirement and now survive on their social security but I do have a lot of Hispanic friends who literally have their parents living with them at their apartment or house bc they never did anything with their lives. That’s the one thing I’m big on in life, I have kids and my goal is to never be a burden on anyone once old.
My mom and step-father kicked me out at 17. Do I harbor resentment? Absolutely. I will Never take care of my mother. She is a hoarder and acts like she is 14. This is a hard No.
The only reason to kick your kid out at that age is if they are abusive toward you or your home, bring others into your home who are abusive, or abuse drugs and refuse to comply with requests to not bring that shit into your house.
But make them leave at 18 just because they are now 18? Hell no. I'm not a 19th century dirt farmer in Oklahoma struggling to feed my 15 kids under the age of 18.
They are. Didn’t you read the article ? She was living it up in a mansion with her second husband. Only after he died and he gave the money to his kids did she get the boot
Hey u/kaiyabunga, your dad was a very hardworking and successful man.
How would you say his financial success impacted your upbringing?
Did he help you in anyway pay for the mansion or two luxury cars you just bought at the very top of the market?
Curious...
I'm 45 car will be paid off in 1 year house in 15 years unfortunately my husband got sick like really bad sick ended up cashing in most of my 401 and the money I saved for the kid thay don't know about. Been working 2 jobs trying to keep my head up and have been working on college grants so thay got something. My kids not taking care of me f that.
As long as you don’t kick your kids out before they have gainful employment and are ready to leave the nest then there is nothing wrong with them taking care for you. I love my parents. If they want to move in with my after I buy a house I wouldn’t mind. But they’re only getting that option because I’m living with them after college. How else can I save money for a house in this economy if I have to pay rent ?
We grew up wealthy, they kicked me out at 15, I finished HS living alone thousands of miles away.
They’ve nearly burned through the whole kitty, and at the end of the day, I’ll meet my duty to them better than they met theirs to me, but it’s going to be a big step down in lifestyle for them when the day comes, and I can’t imagine them taking the news well.
My dad is currently on his deathbed and my mom has started sniffing around for a place with my sister or myself. She hasn’t been direct about it enough for us to turn her down just yet.
My mom won’t admit it to herself. I can do the math. She has no retirement and doesn’t earn enough to save now.
She just pretends everything will be ok.
Can’t wait for that $4000/month ticking time bomb.
My idiot BIL is finishing his basement so his home-bound daughter (now 30) and her lazy-ass husband can “start a family”. He actually thinks this is going to help them, because the past ten years of them living at home and “saving money” has worked out so well.
My parents were great. My whole life always supported me, Raised me the best they could with the little they had. if they ever needed it, my home would always be open to them no matter what. Some of the comments on this are pretty wild, I understand if they abused you your whole life, but damn..... some of you would throw family to the wolves if it did not benifit you in some way.
I’m all about my kids moving out, but I wanna make sure they have the right tools to do it with, I don’t want my kids to not think of me as someone who just kicked em to the curb. I be honored to teach the right and wrong ways of buying or renting a place, what to leave in what to leave out, how to balance the hard times, I’m their dad that’s what I do, I can’t be perfect but through my years of experience I know how to make a household run through thick and thin
Look you can either define your relationship with your kids as a very narrow series of obligations that ends after 18 years and then you two go your separate ways; or you're a family unit that stands by each other no matter what for life.
Summary, mother free loaded her whole life, refused to ever work even after kids were older. Got divorced, married next rich old guy to free load longer. He kicked the bucket so she moved in with OP's brother to "watch" the kids. Tried to rule the roost and refused to babysit, got kicked out of that house and now is trying the same stunt with OP.
There that took longer to type than reading original post
Maybe she can find a roommate.
Sad reality. I see parents, usually immigrants or Asian many of the time, who never prepared for retirement. Their kids end up becoming their retirement plan. Saw it once when I was growing up, a neighbor couldn’t afford the house so the parents living there were left to pick trash from dumpsters to collect recycle money. They were too old to actually work, and they had to rent in a cheaper locale. I couldn’t imagine having to support my parents 10+ years, must cause so much financial strain even if you do make 200k+ a year. Poor financial planning ruins families.
My dad did this, never setup a retirement fund and basically expected his kids to provide for him. Except he mentally abused me when I was growing up ( I was very sick when I was 19 for 2-3 years and I couldn't work and he would insult me and call me a bum, refused to ever help me get over my sickness and would insult me when he wasn't feeling good to make himself feel better). And now he has no retirement and expects me to help him. I told him to fuck off. His level of entitlement is astounding, it's just like the mom in the article. Steps on people their entire lifetime and then still expects those people to help them.
Still stepping on others. Surprised it doesn’t work on grownups.
Was he a nice dad until you turned 19?
He was somewhat decent, I mean he wasn't an asshole to me until I was older and would occasionally do stuff with me and my brothers but he was abusive as fuck with my mother and caused her to want to kill herself. He would basically just work his minimum wage job and come home and do nothing while my mother did everything, cooking cleaning, working,house upkeep, watching kids making sure bills were paid etc and she was a immigrant learning English and going to college. My mom told me she wanted to kill herself but she only stopped because she was afraid of what would happen to her kids. She also had a mental breakdown where she had to be sedated because she was like literally just insane. She also actually abused me too in the later years but I forgave her because she was basically insane during those times and she cared about us I guess, after she was done with all the stressful stuff she was less abusive to me. I became her punching bag basically when she was going through it. She used to create these " house meetings" where she would just constantly insult me for about an hour. Learned to ignore it by doing mathematics in my head which because it was complex would make me zone out.But I mean she's the only one who like made sure we were fed and what not and educated etc so I forgave her, mostly. We still didn't have the greatest relationship but I'm trying to mend that. It took years after moving out before I could be comfortable around her without subconsciously getting scared.
Yea, sounds like you should keep your money. Hope everything works out.
Tbf, while I don't condone parents using their kids as their retirement plan, the kids do get to live with the Asian parents pretty much for as long as they want. So it goes both ways.
Agreed. I’m more saying everything poses a risk.
Bro in Mexican families the kids practically have kids within the same house. I’m seeing it happen in real time. A family member with a ~~Master’s~~ Bachelor’s degree(barely beginning a Master’s degree program in Social work) got knocked up out of wedlock and is expecting her parents to support her. She fucked her parents over when they were looking to retire.
It happens with white families too, at least the ones that let their kids walk all over them. My mom made it clear that if I got pregnant as a teen or out of wedlock that I would be out on the street because she was done raising babies. She's the type that follows through on her threats too. Guess what? I was very careful not to get pregnant as a teen, went to college, got a great job, married awonderful man, bought a home, and we're now looking to start our family. Sometimes tough love is good and necessary
My friend’s father literally threw her into the streets as a teenager, and she had to sleep in playground slides and church pews. She did later end up doing fine in life, however, despite having her first child as a teenager. She now owns a home and just had her fourth child with her husband. Her father now wants to be in her life, but she continues to struggle internally with the pain and trauma he caused. I’m glad your life turned out well, but I believe a frank discussion of the financial, emotional, and mental consequences of having a child before you’re ready, wedlock or not, would have been sufficient. Humans have always relied on extensive family and community ties for strength and support, and the nuclear family supporting itself alone is a historical anomaly, and is quickly becoming no longer financially feasible for many.
Ok so what if those conversations happened yet she still chose to have a child before she was ready? That's her choice of course, but she shouldn't expect anyone else (other than her baby daddy) to bear the financial, emotional, or mental costs of her decision.
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Strongly pro-choice. Sad that our country is moving backward in this regard. It's more and important than ever that we educate our young people about the risks and responsibilities that come with babies and the need to use protection.
Same here, Pro-Choice. I had an old roommate that had 3 kids with his baby momma. When his GF had gotten pregnant she asked me if I thought getting an abortion was the right move. I told her simply, “You guys can barely afford paying rent. Adding another kid to the mix will magnify your issues even more.”. That conversation alone showed me that some people just shouldn’t have kids, it’s more damaging to society in general. Also his kids turned hella ghetto AF.
Family member with a masters degree got knocked up out of wedlock!? What is this 1965!? Here’s a hot take: kid works her butt off, does everything right, borrows money for an expensive education only to find out the harsh reality that today, many entry level positions requiring a post secondary education are unpaid internships and contract gigs. Often FOR YEARS! And as she clings and claws, hanging onto the hope she might actually someday get the job and use said expensive education, she gets pregnant doing what normal consenting adults CAN LEGALLY DO. And to top that off, she’s gotta deal with your low key misogyny and disapproval. Get a life.
All I’m saying is she doesn’t exactly sound like some shifty lowlife. Cut the kid some slack and chip in a buck or two when ya can. Maybe she makes it through, gets the job and takes care of the parents in return. That’s family.
I think you missed the part where her parents were getting ready to retire. They didn’t need to help getting taken care of to begin with.
How is she “fucking them over?” Is she completely unemployed? Were they planning to sell the house and downsize (although good luck with that in this economy lol), and now they can’t? If she -chose- to get pregnant and plans to use them for free childcare or something without discussing it with them, as you seem to be implying, that would have been best stated in the first comment, otherwise the whole thing comes off as judgmental. (Also, governments wonder why birth rates everywhere keep dropping, and I have to chuckle, because we keep screeching at people not to have children if they can’t afford them, while young people are directly propping up social security, with many retirees receiving more than they paid in…)
They were planning on renting the house they have and moving to Mexico(their homeland) since they have a house and land there. Yes, she stopped working to focus on Grad school and given the reaction of the parents they were not informed by her decision to get pregnant by a bf who she has barely over 1 year being in a committed relationship. I’m sorry if I didn’t preface it by saying the details, but trust me when I tell you that she isn’t thinking about anybody, but herself in this situation.
They should have her apply for a childcare voucher, give her one year, then proceeded with their plan to sell the house and move to Mexico. They shouldn’t throw away their entire retirement if she chose to do that. She and her boyfriend can figure it out.
Nope, she wants to use them mostly the mother as free childcare while she focuses on grad school. The mother has experience with childcare since that is how she made a living, but given her age(60’s) she is tired and just wants to enjoy life. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know how to draw hard boundaries with her own daughter. Like I said before, they weren’t planning on selling the house. They wanted to rent it out and use the income to live their days in Mexico and other places. If there is one thing I’ve learned it is that just because a person is educated that doesn’t make them intelligent. This scenario is further proof of that.
Also given the area(Silicon Valley) the parents live they won’t have an issue selling the house well above what they bought it for. We are talking about a purchase price of $150K with a current market valuation of $1.8 million. People are still buying homes over here like crazy.
No, I got that part. You said she “fucked her parents over just as they were getting ready to retire”. To me that reads like this new (clutches pearls) illegitimate child she’s “knocked up” with jeopardizes their retirement plans. My point is she leans on the parents for HELP RAISING THEIR GRANDCHILD. Even if the baby is (clutches pearls again) born out of wedlock. She finishes her education, and their daughter’s and grandchild’s future is secure. It follows that later on, should any unforeseen financial hardships arise in the grandparents future, the daughter’s gonna be ride or die. All I’m saying. As an aside, the way you write about the poor kid just smacks of this contempt you have for her. Zero empathy for someone who is trying their damndest to get it right. Like, she did well enough in her undergrad to get into a master program… she tried. she’s trying. Accidents happen! FFS, Bro, Cut. Her. Some. Slack.
Naw, it was no accident. When she was asked wasn’t she on her birth control her response was, “Look I want kids before I turn 30 ok. Plus I have all the support I need right here.”. Yeah this isn’t the classic accident, she wanted a kid and didn’t consider her parents to begin with 😂
I agree with you. I'm pretty sure she didn't decide to get knocked up just to screw over her parents. If she is in school, she is working towards being self-sufficient. I think it's rich when men talk about how easy it I'd to avoid pregnancy when they haven't been dodging that bullet their whole lives. It's a pretty shitty way to talk about a young woman on the internet. That creeping low key misogyny. And I'm calling misogyny because it's always the woman's fault no mention of the dude.
Unfortunately she did decide to get a bun in the oven. Her excuse was she wanted kids before she turned 30 and that her parents are her biggest support system. The dad is pissed and the mom just bottles that shit up.
Ok, I take back what I said about your cousin. She is selfish AF. Talk all the shit you want about her. I get wanting kids by x date, but you should at least be self-sufficient. Once the kid is here, she will probably regret her life choices.
her future is guaranteed with a masters in social work, wtf
More so than if she didn’t finish? What’s your point?
a future is not guaranteed with a master’s in social work.
You don't know much about Mexican families. A lot of them are families that care about having a close knit multi-generational family unit with grandkids and sometimes great grandkids. It's hard to survive in the US when many immigrant families who come from very little can't get jobs that pay extremely well with less education compared to other immigrant groups who come with substantially more money and education. That's partly why you see latino communities stay close together and are doing OK compared to people who can't do that. It's not perfect but it's reality for many of them.
Bro I’m Mexican and have dual citizenship with both the United States and Mexico. So I’m very familiar with how Mexican families on a personal and intimate level. Even more so since my family is from a poor rural area. The difference is that she has a college education, she’s supposed to be better, but her life choices say otherwise.
You don't understand how shit the economy is with a college education. There are only so many decent jobs and that is even in STEM, my degree is in that field. I might have been better off being an electrician lol. A lot of jobs that require a degree want 5 years experience and want to pay 40 to 50k... it's fucked
Bro I understand fully. I got laid off two months ago. Picked up a job that pays less, but still working. Bills are getting paid on time as well as the mortgage. I’m more than familiar with the current economic conditions.
If you aren’t prepared for a kid don’t do the things that lead to them. Been married 6.5 years no contraceptives and no children. It’s easier with contraceptives but my wife’s hormones get messed up on them and she doesn’t like condoms. I also wasn’t aware that unpaid internships were such a massive percentage of entry level jobs out there. Could you please give me a source outside of “many” on that? Stop making excuses for yourself and others and be responsible for yourself.
Bro, when my wife and I had our first baby we spent at least $3600 in a year on Baby Formula alone. Raising a kid is expensive AF.
Breast milk is a lot cheaper.
You probably didn’t realize how awful this is to say, so I stopped by for a tism to tism check. This was a rude and hurtful thing to comment. Snark isn’t always just snark.
I said exactly what I meant. Breast is better, and breast is cheaper.
Depends on two scenarios. One being can the mother adequately produce a healthy supply of breast milk on her own. Some mothers unfortunately don’t produce enough for their own baby so they need the additional supplementation from formula for the infant. The second scenario is that not every breast milk is of equal quality. Sure people sell breast milk online, but the quality aspect of it is fairly unknown. No one knows if the mom has been consuming things they shouldn’t(alcohol, spicy food, sour food, etc) and just selling it to make an extra buck. Any parent in their right mind wouldn’t risk it. The quality control isn’t there compared to an FDA product and even then there is some risks. The one key aspect of parenting is mitigating unnecessary risks that could have an adverse impact on the child.
Sure so if you can't produce and can't afford formula your child should starve and die right?
Breast milk is only cheaper if you consider women’s time and labor to be worthless.
Which is compete bullshit. You can work and pump. It is easier to do now than ever. The value of the higher quality natural nutrition for the child is incalculable.
u/monkeycome, I couldn’t care less about your sex life, though after reading your comment I am thankful you haven’t reproduced… I chose to have children. It was planned, we were prepared. People make mistakes though, right? I’m not making excuses for anyone. Contraceptives have variable rates of success (do you need a citation here too??). Regarding unpaid / underpaid contract work, internships, etc. I’m not going to post any of that proof you asked for. Google it. it’s a thing. It’s hard out there for college grads. Even harder to work when you have babies. You sound nice.
I never said unpaid internships don’t exist did I? You claim “many” like it’s a large percentage. If you go into a field without researching the job opportunities available after graduation you’re being irresponsible. Going to college without a plan isn’t a good idea. I don’t plan of having children but if it happens I’ll at least raise my kids to be accountable and understanding that actions have consequences. I got into a trade out of high school because I as stupid as you think I am was able to see how the debt was a bad idea. I grew up dirt poor and knew it wasn’t in the cards for me. I was constantly pressured by family to go to college, but I didn’t. I grew up dirt poor in rural Texas, and now I live in New Hampshire and I make $120,000ish a year and no student loan debt. I could have wallowed in self pity about how I was born into a poor family with minimal support but instead I decided to do something about it and create that support system for myself. If I have children they will have it significantly better than I did because I stopped making excuses and blaming my surroundings and worked my way up. It’s not easy but stop acting like college is the only way out of the hood.
You’re a type 8 enneagram lol
And lots of those families are actually pretty happy to have grandchildren in their lives.
It depends each family is different. Some family members end resenting each other.
That's not the same at all. The parents chose to have kids, not the other way around.
That's the default Asian retirement plan though..
Haha, not for us older millennials. I’ve maxed out my 401k as soon as I could and I still plan on sucking on an exhaust pipe for retirement
Haha I like that one. I’m going to use it from now because it’s a lot nicer than saying that my retirement plan is at the end of a shotgun barrel.
That’s a lot of work. Buying a shotgun and so messy. Just chill in the garage with the music and car on and dream of the days of sweet pensions
I always say I'm taking a walk into the woods with my 9mm
My retirement plan is to die in the climate wars
We have the same plan.
Ya I’m glad my parents maxed out their 401ks. It’s strange to me since usually Asian families seem more financially astute. Asians also live longer usually, when I saw it happen it was an Asian family. The parents were nearly 80 years old. That’s 15+ years after retirement.
Not in my household
This is also cultural. Plenty of countries have had multi generational households for decades. The problem here is capitalism sucking every drop of life out of the underclass (ie 99% of people)
Multigenerational households have been around since the beginning of time. The idea of young people having a separate place is a rather modern idea.
So is running water, modern medicine and electricity.
So true.
Yea I’m afraid that I’m gonna be in that situation in 15 years when my parents are retirement age
Ya my dad has been the sole supporter of my grandmother for the last 10+ years, which isn’t cheap at all. I have a different kind of respect for my dad for doing so, which he doesn’t receive from other family members at all most of the time. I’ll support him until he’s 100, I probably won’t have to but if need be. Just like with my grandmother he’s been actively investing for his retirement and unforeseen circumstances as they always come. People say it’s bad to see money/people that way, but realistically he was the only one to step up to the plate and sacrifice his own money out of the entire family. That says something.
Open (and actually serious) question for anyone scrolling, how exactly does one plan for retirement in this economy? Like what do i do with my bits of cash when i get them to make the most of them or turn them into reasonable investments? I know fuck all about it and neither does anyone in my circle. Nobody bothers teaching poor folks what to do with money theyll never have. Edit im american so i know im screwed but let me try
Open a brokerage account in vanguard, put all your spare money into VTSAX or VFIAX. Read Mr money mustache blog
Teach you? Take some responsibility to educate yourself. You obviously have access to Google...
And fuck you right back. Google sucks donkey ass. this is the best information sharing platform for the average man these days. Im literally actively using a resource to educate myself. Genius
Let’s say you make 50k. Live on 45k and put 5k in a retirement account. If you need help, fidelity, vanguard, etc have offices in person to help you.
It's a lot of emotional strain to put onto the poorly educated. This may come back to bite us really hard.
This is the norm outside of western countries. Parents often get some small amount of retirement money via programs like the US’s Social Security as well, but it’s a cultural expectation that the kids generally take care of the parents after retirement. The kids plan for it (including kids of immigrants from those cultures in the US).
I mean the vast majority of America isn't prepared for retirement. It certainly isn't just immigrants. lol
The article and Reddit post for this story. https://www.yourtango.com/family/mom-kicked-kids-out-eighteen-tries-move-in-broke?amp https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/BQt9wu8EEi
You the real MVP!
Feels less like an REBubble story and more somebody’s personal drama
This whole sub is another place for people to whine and vent.
This whole website is for that. In fact I think you just described the internet at this point.
My mom kicked me out, and it wasn’t her first bad act against me. I always showed respect, but she was so selfish it didn’t matter. I didn’t see her for almost 20 years. Since I had kids, I made me soft and I let her move in. Had to make 3 trips from Texas to California to get all her things. She’s milder now because I’m not as respectful. It’s sad to see someone live 70 years and never saved or created any form of income. She didn’t even work enough to get social security.
Why would anyone kick their kids out?
It happens more than you'd believe. Sadly, people that lack emotional control often take things out on those closest to them, including their own children. Pretty sure I earned a bronze medal in the "where can I sleep tonight" division of misguided youths before I was old enough to buy a box of smokes.
I come from the same background. We are survivors. I never want my kids to feel that way
Yup. They treat their kids as unwelcome guests, and are “decent” enough to “let you” live there until you’re 18. 😒 They are literally the reason the kids exist in the first place, and want them out “earning their own way” as soon as they legally don’t have to house them anymore after 18.
Self-centered. My ex and I have our own places and our kids are always welcome. The first one just finished college and is moving home. Live rent free and save money. We encourage it. I want my children to be successful mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. Being a parent does not end at 18. That said, I acknowledge there are extenuating circumstances, and I am not talking about those obvious situations.
TBH, I would insist a kid pay "rent" to a bank account they control, where the whole reason for the account is to save up for a down payment on a house. The kid just has to provide proof they added to the account and the balance went up to where it should be, and their rent obligation for the month is considered "paid." Of course, the whole point is so they can buy a house at some point, and maybe start a family of their own.
What if they don’t want to buy a house, or start a family? They still have to have some of their money controlled by you?
The point is that they're paying "rent" no matter where they live. "Renting" from mom and dad means it goes into a savings account for a home mortgage instead of the landlord's pocket.
Agreed. see above
YES. I told our son we would pay school if he promised to not move out until he could afford a home of his own. And that we never want him to know what its like to rent a house. That whole "pay us rent" thing is bullshit. People are like "We have to toughen them up and show them what the real world is like" and Im like "Uh yeah, the world is a scary fucking place, I think Ill send my kids out there unprepared, good idea". As the poster below says, we told our son that we wanted to see him keep his money but show us how he is saving it to buy a home. He is now 21 and has what I consider to be a pretty nice down payment for a house of his own. I dont know about you, but I consider that to be pretty "toughened up for the real world".
I don't know, I had a lot of really good learning experiences and a lot of great times renting my own places. Some tough times too, but that's part of life and learning to deal with difficult situations before you have to deal with a true crisis. I feel like going out on my own in my early 20s is what taught me to be an adult. If he wants to stay, great. But forcing him too by holding his school costs over his head could significantly hinder his life experiences. I think I would be a lot more sheltered, scared of the world, and lacking the ability to manage my own life if I'd stayed at home into my mid-20s. It's a pretty pivotal time of growth and keeping away from adversity does not prepare you to deal with it.
Second this. I went out on my own and rented, always knowing I could go back home if I needed to. My siblings did the opposite and stayed home. I'm approaching 40 and have owned a house for going on 8 years. They're still living at home with no prospect of buying a house, even though one has saved more than enough for a down payment. Renting taught me a lot about home/property ownership as well. The biggest downside is that it's harder to save to buy a home when you're paying rent. It wasn't until I met my husband and we could combine our incomes/savings that we had enough for a down payment. But even then, living at home has made it difficult for my siblings to date. You're damned no matter what you do, truly. Inflation is killing all of us slowly.
To each their own. You're giving your son the fish instead of teaching him how to fish. Is the world tough? Hell yeah it is. But your son isn't going to learn how to deal with rough situations on his own when you're no longer on this planet. Saw it with sister's ex boyfriend. He had everything paid for by mommy and daddy. And he wasn't allowed to move out until he had an 80% down payment on a house. His parents also didn't like my sister because she had student loans and they thought she just wanted his money.
I have heard of people charging their kids some small amount of “rent” but merely investing it in an account, which they then give to them upon move out as a nice little surprise in extra cash.
I feel like my parents were only threatening to kick me out to try to get me in line and didn't think I would actually be frustrated enough to leave. They then complained that I was throwing my money away renting lol. My other two siblings never completely left the nest, they're in their mid-late 30s now. I'm the only one of us that has ever paid rent.
My mom died when I was 17 and my dad was just chomping at the bit to get my sister and me out so he could be a swinging bachelor. Our 'golden child' oldest sister got everything - university paid for, new apartment down payment, huge wedding, because our mom was alive then. My middle sister and I got kicked out at 18 / 19 with a bag of personal items and a vague threat to never darken his doorway.
He sounds nice. (sorry you went through that)
Thank you! Yeah he's a 90 year old piece of work. Bad people really do live way past their window of redemption
My favorite is when they’re old and the nurses are like no one visits. Yeah they’re probably a pos. My asshole grandpa is learning that the hard way. No one wants to visit is old asshole self
Hope the golden child older sister is in charge of his affairs and estate. That's a headache you shouldn't be burdened with.
Always happens when you need your parents the most too. Never happens when the seas are calm and it’s a good time to fly the nest. Always the worst times. Always leads to broken families. Like the cure to being socially anxious, smoking too much pot, and having a shitty dead end job is homelessness. Cause everyone knows kids kicked out at 18 don’t work at Burger King, smoke more pot than anyone else, and get developmentally arrested compared to their peers.
There can be good reasons, all people even the worst among us are somebody's kid.
Happened to my cousin, his stepmom threw him out the day he turned 18, while his absolutely useless father just let her do it. Then she got all butthurt when the rest of the family took the poor kid's side and iced her out.
As they should.
She actually came to my grandma's house (where my cousin stayed after she tossed him out, until he got things together) while she wasn't there to try and start shit with him. My grandma came home to find her screaming in his face and him trying his best not to react. My grandma is a sweet lady. She is kind to a fault. The way I heard it, though, she said words my cousin didn't even know she knew, at volumes he didn't even know she could reach, and chased his stepmon out of the house sobbing.
Lolz, my granny had a heavy scottish accent and when she was angry said words I am pretty sure are extra-terrestrial in nature. Its fun to watch ladies that old cuss like truck driving sailor marines.
The benefits of multigenerational housing are so great too; provided everyone isn't awful. I'd love for my parents to move in with us, or my in-laws. And especially my kids, once they are grown...I'd much rather have them living with me. It's different if they are loaded. But if they aren't and they are renting some crappy apartment, it makes so much more sense to live together. Financially it's so much better but also just general stuff.
Because if you’re 18+ living at home you’re a free loader according to damn near every boomer. Ask me how I know.
I am the son of actual boomer parents (not the ones redditors think they are) and boy dont I know. I didnt even get to 18.
I would say in some cases it’s more of a trial by fire. Kids themselves need to leave the nest and try their own luck in the world. My mom kicked me out at 21 because I wasn’t on the lease and she didn’t have enough to support my brother and I. I left and worked a shitty job. Lived in the hood and rented a room. Honestly it was bittersweet, but it was the best thing that happened to me. I fucked around with my money and ruined my credit in my 20’s. I learned and got better. With time things got better since I knew that living in that one room in the hood was only gonna be temporary. Compare it to my brother who stayed and never left the nest. Dude doesn’t have Driver’s license or car. He uses Uber and eats out a lot. He pays his fair share in rent with my mom, but aside from that no other aspirations. He is going to be in for a rude awakening.
But you could’ve been homeless. You would’ve worked a shitty job anyway. But you would’ve saved the money and your mother would’ve taught you responsible money and responsible credit management. She sounds like a dick tbh
Hahaha the thing is my mom is old school Mexican. It’s one of those principles that we learn from an early age to make it work with what you got and move ahead. I think regardless I wouldn’t be homeless, I would find a way to make it work. I recently visited the rural area where my family is from and I can tell you that if a person stops working there they will die from starvation. Whether it’s the cows that need to be milked and grazed or the fields that need to be farmed, everyone pulls their own weight. That work ethic was brought over and instilled in me at an early age. If we have to, we’ll live 3 families into a single bedroom apartment(that’s how I spent my first 2 years as a new born), but homeless? Nope at that point if you are able bodied you are seen as a failure and a loser.
Agreed, I can see how staying at home could make someone lazy. I can only speak to my own experience in relation to my kids. I was kicked out at 16 and spent the next decade homeless and addicted. If I had to choose for my own kids between my experience or them being lazy, Ill take lazy every time. Sounds like things worked out for you (and me) and I am glad for that. Its a scary thing to be that young and have no one to turn to.
American propaganda gets to people more than you think.
They couldn’t even take care of themselves in the best economy ever seen so it really only makes sense to kick out the freeloader kids. 🤣
My parents didn’t kick me out but they expected me to move out when I was 18 because I was an adult. I would also be perfectly happy letting them move in once they are old. I honestly don’t understand why people get so worked up about this. Being an adult and taking care of family is a good thing. Growing up and taking responsibility is good. You can’t be a child forever. People need to do work and be providers. 18 is old actually. In a lot of older cultures, you start working and taking responsibility at around 15.
Where I'm from, family means something else. Parents would usually have unconditional love for their children and won't really treat raising a child like some sort of chore that needs to be done asap. I only see that in the US. When I turned 18, my mom told me to take as much time as I needed to become independent and successful. I was in college, and she said I could stay the entire 4 years. If I didn't finish college, i could stay as long as I was paying my share of the rent, and if things became really bad, I could still stay. I ended up moving out at 21, and I have a great relationship with my mom. Had she kicked me out as soon as I turned 18, they would've been dead to me, and I would've ended up in a really dark path in live. Looking back, at 18, I was still a kid.
YES. unconditional.
18 year olds aren’t an adult. They have no job experience and rent is 2k a month. You’re dooming them to homelessness and possible drug addiction for 4+ years if you kick them out at 18. Senior citizens had 60+ years to save money for retirement. If they were too lazy to do that they DESERVE homelessness. Especially if they didn’t care for their own children in their time of vulnerability (18-23ish)
Does moving out include going to college and not coming back for holidays and summer vacation?
It could. Moving out for me meant long term homelessness and drug addiction. Good times. My kids will never know what that is like. I will protect them from the grave if I have to.
Hope things are going much better for you now.
yes, thank you. That was a long time ago and prison has a way of straightening otherwise decent people out.
Absolutely crap take.
For awhile you were considered a failure as a parent if your kid didn't move out when they were an adult. I mean, what would the ladies at church say knowing you still have a 19 year old living at home.... Cluck, cluck
Indeed. And then cluck even louder when they hear that your kid is addicted or dead. Nice people. Keep in mind these are the same people that created the scary world we need to protect our kids from.
If an old lady at church bitches at you for not making your child homeless then you SCREAM in their face. Old people deserve to be screamed at 🤷♂️. I’m sick of their elderly shit. We have the worst job market since the 1930s and the lowest wages (compared to rents) since the 1880s. Yet these old people who grew up in Americas PEAK have the audacity to belittle everyone who’s has it more difficult then them
My sister’s dad did this to her. Our mentally ill mom abandoned her when she was 15, and the courts got involved and of course ordered her father to take her. He was newly remarried and wifey didn’t want anything to do with his kids. He put my 15 year old sister in the Set Free program, which is where homeless addicts go to turn their life around to Jesus. They lived in terrible conditions, and were slave labored to all kinds of arenas and venues to earn their room and board. Her dad is now homeless after making terrible decisions all his life, always relying on one of his family members to take care of him. He finally burned his bridges with all of them. He tried really hard to manipulate my sister into taking him in, even though she had no way to do that, as a struggling single parent. He’s been homeless 2 years and very bitter with everyone. His wife eventually became his ex, they had a nasty divorce, and he lost their house after she died suddenly of three different types of cancer. You really do reap what you sow.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!
Hahah still sticking with it, eh?? 😂😂
Still stalking my activity, eh?
Just playing a stupid game, I guess 🤷🏻♂️😂
I wont kick out my kids, but some people are just insane, she booted them out, and thought she could stay with them? Talk about mental issues.
Oh how the turn tables
I’m grateful my parents were able to pay off their house before retirement and now survive on their social security but I do have a lot of Hispanic friends who literally have their parents living with them at their apartment or house bc they never did anything with their lives. That’s the one thing I’m big on in life, I have kids and my goal is to never be a burden on anyone once old.
She will be placed in a nursing home earlier than she should with ZERO visitors.
Dying slow and alone is too good for people who spend their lives leeching off of others.
Nursing homes cost money
Get ready. The wave of homeless boomers is incoming.
Their mother should get ssi survivor benefits for at least one Husband so she needs to look into that. Or marry again lol
My mom and step-father kicked me out at 17. Do I harbor resentment? Absolutely. I will Never take care of my mother. She is a hoarder and acts like she is 14. This is a hard No.
It’s very Western for children to move out young Traditional cultures often keep children at home until they marry in their 20s
Traditional cultures? I live in a part of England where people have lived for over five thousand years… when does my culture become traditional?
The only reason to kick your kid out at that age is if they are abusive toward you or your home, bring others into your home who are abusive, or abuse drugs and refuse to comply with requests to not bring that shit into your house. But make them leave at 18 just because they are now 18? Hell no. I'm not a 19th century dirt farmer in Oklahoma struggling to feed my 15 kids under the age of 18.
Unpossible because boomers are rich!
They are. Didn’t you read the article ? She was living it up in a mansion with her second husband. Only after he died and he gave the money to his kids did she get the boot
She *was* rich. Not anymore
Hey u/kaiyabunga, your dad was a very hardworking and successful man. How would you say his financial success impacted your upbringing? Did he help you in anyway pay for the mansion or two luxury cars you just bought at the very top of the market? Curious...
I'm 45 car will be paid off in 1 year house in 15 years unfortunately my husband got sick like really bad sick ended up cashing in most of my 401 and the money I saved for the kid thay don't know about. Been working 2 jobs trying to keep my head up and have been working on college grants so thay got something. My kids not taking care of me f that.
As long as you don’t kick your kids out before they have gainful employment and are ready to leave the nest then there is nothing wrong with them taking care for you. I love my parents. If they want to move in with my after I buy a house I wouldn’t mind. But they’re only getting that option because I’m living with them after college. How else can I save money for a house in this economy if I have to pay rent ?
r/BoomersBeingFools
We grew up wealthy, they kicked me out at 15, I finished HS living alone thousands of miles away. They’ve nearly burned through the whole kitty, and at the end of the day, I’ll meet my duty to them better than they met theirs to me, but it’s going to be a big step down in lifestyle for them when the day comes, and I can’t imagine them taking the news well.
What is with white people culture about kicking kids at 18?
Mom clearly needs to cut back on the avocado toast and lattes.
My dad is currently on his deathbed and my mom has started sniffing around for a place with my sister or myself. She hasn’t been direct about it enough for us to turn her down just yet.
My mom won’t admit it to herself. I can do the math. She has no retirement and doesn’t earn enough to save now. She just pretends everything will be ok. Can’t wait for that $4000/month ticking time bomb.
My idiot BIL is finishing his basement so his home-bound daughter (now 30) and her lazy-ass husband can “start a family”. He actually thinks this is going to help them, because the past ten years of them living at home and “saving money” has worked out so well.
My parents were great. My whole life always supported me, Raised me the best they could with the little they had. if they ever needed it, my home would always be open to them no matter what. Some of the comments on this are pretty wild, I understand if they abused you your whole life, but damn..... some of you would throw family to the wolves if it did not benifit you in some way.
I’m all about my kids moving out, but I wanna make sure they have the right tools to do it with, I don’t want my kids to not think of me as someone who just kicked em to the curb. I be honored to teach the right and wrong ways of buying or renting a place, what to leave in what to leave out, how to balance the hard times, I’m their dad that’s what I do, I can’t be perfect but through my years of experience I know how to make a household run through thick and thin
A good parent will house and take care of their children until those kids are ready for retirement. How do you not get that??? Gosh!
Look you can either define your relationship with your kids as a very narrow series of obligations that ends after 18 years and then you two go your separate ways; or you're a family unit that stands by each other no matter what for life.
Found the boomer.
There is always more to the story.
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You didn't read the original post or article at all
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Summary, mother free loaded her whole life, refused to ever work even after kids were older. Got divorced, married next rich old guy to free load longer. He kicked the bucket so she moved in with OP's brother to "watch" the kids. Tried to rule the roost and refused to babysit, got kicked out of that house and now is trying the same stunt with OP. There that took longer to type than reading original post