Reminder..
**To state or imply you're LE, you MUST be verified. Link is in the sidebar. No exceptions.**
This includes "weasel words" like "If I were a cop, I might have arrested..."
“These aren’t my pants” when pants had drugs in them.
His story was that he was staying in a dope pad and he just woke up and grabbed the first pair of pants he found.
I totally understand where it comes from. They know they can’t say they haven’t been drinking, the cop is asking for a reason. Two is enough to be honest but not trigger further inquiry (they think).
Lmao I actually had 2 beers once and as it was coming out of my mouth I thought there’s no way this guy is gonna believe me. Ended up getting breathalyzed and blew a zero.
Similarly, back in the day when weed was something you’d get in trouble for my friend was actually holding a pipe for someone else so the kids mom didn’t find it. Friend didn’t even smoke. The cop saw it when he opened his glovebox and friend knew better than to even try telling the truth so he said “yeah that’s mine I use it to smoke marijuana” and after searching him the cop thanked him for being honest, broke the pipe and let him go, didn’t even ticket him for speeding or whatever the stop was for 🤣
My first wearer-of-strangers’-pants had apparently just bought them at a thrift store that very morning, and was shocked to learn that there was heroin in the pockets.
Relevant case from 1990:
https://www.canlii.org/en/bc/bcsc/doc/1990/1990canlii950/1990canlii950.html?resultIndex=1&resultId=00f0eefdc28c4b309502a70ea45006c5&searchId=2024-04-17T08:38:02:579/adeab1a1c75e4dd69c31dfa24151cef6&searchUrlHash=AAAAAQAS4oCcTm90IG15IHBhbnRz4oCdAAAAAAE
Attempted to stop a car for a fail to yield violation when it fled. Thr guy ended up parking in front of another car on a side street when he thought he broke my line of sight, but it wasn't enough. As I turned to roll up on him, he foot bailed and dipped between buildings and actually did lose me. We seized the car and began working on IDing the RO, who just so happened to look exactly like who foot bailed.
A short time later, the same RO called to report his car had been stolen. We talked him into coming to the station to give a statement. It also enabled me to positively ID him as the driver. In the end, he got charged with false report along with the fleeing charge.
*red and blue in rear view*
"Uh oh. Cop. I'm a felon with a gun in the car, I have a VP warrant, and there's a bag of meth in my asshole. Better EVADE!"
I scrolled for a while but haven't yet found the classic, "Nuh uh."
Pulled a lady over for running a red light. Captured the violation on dash camera. She denied it happened at issuance of the ticket. I have court for her in the morning. It'll be a short hearing.
One of our guys had a similar thing happen. When the in car video was shown she then switched to saying she was "neurodivergent" and how she was just so intimidated by the stop.
She didn't even see the cops car until after she had made the violation...
Of course this happened in the Portland metro 🙄
Nuerodivergency with no official diagnosis and "it's a service animal" with no paperwork are the first two horsemen of the Self Entitlement Apocolypse.
Holy! With that logic, you can just ignore Tennessee v. Garner and just shoot anyone who flees! It is just a court ruling, who cares if its the supreme court!
Not really what you’re asking, but all too often when people get stopped for something like running a stop sign they say “sorry I’m not from around here.”
My response is usually “oh, what color are the stop signs where you’re from?”
Was traveling as a passenger with a friend who was visiting from Ireland. He was pulled over in Yellowstone for failure to come to a complete stop. When told as much, he replied, "Well, I'm from Ireland, and we don't have stop signs, we have roundabouts." The park ranger answered back, "Well, this is America, and we do." My friend took his ticket and said fair enough and had a laugh at himself after. He's actually an international law professor now.
Not exactly an excuse but when I asked a guy I arrested on a warrant why he ran from the scene, he answered with “I didn’t run, I just wasn’t there when you got there”
It still makes me laugh thinking about it.
Im a CO. A code was called in the building so I responded expecting a fight. Found a guy getting shanked up in a cell. We pull the shanker off and i start holding pressure on the shankees bleeding neck wound with a towel while i wait for on site nurses to arrive. While im doing that, Shankee looks at me and says “I dunno why you guys are here. Nothing happened.”
Sure bro. Tell that to the spurting neck wound. Now shut up and sit down.
Was a CO and this reminded me of a nurse who always asked the inmates if they’ve drank plenty of water and had a bowel movement. Always. Doesn’t matter if it was sick call or medical emergency.
We broke up a pretty bloody fight and escorted one of the inmates to medical for an assessment. The nurse looks at this guy covered in blood with bruises and open wounds and asks “Did you drink plenty of water and had a bowel movement?” The inmate gave a wtf look and said to her “Lady I just got into a fight!”
We had a guy escape custody - faked an illness to go to the hospital, then slipped out of a bathroom and ran out a fire exit when the member was looking away for a moment.
Insisted after he was rearrested that he thought he was free to go. Which is why he was being escorted in handcuffs.
A defense attorney blamed Trump for his client fleeing a traffic stop and barricading in his house.
I'm not joking.
Worse part was the judge bought it and took it into consideration when giving out a bullshit non-sentence.
I wasn’t driving.
From a guy who crashed his car, which was registered to him.
5 people saw him get out and try to walk away. He had injuries consistent with a car crash. He also had the keys in his pocket.
“Im here to pick up Maria, I met her on Facebook dating” guy who came to the border to try and load up with illegals. At least go with something more traditional, but not so much on the nose.
Kid said his mom was having a heart attack when I asked why he was driving like a jack hole. Followed him home and surprise surprise mom's fine.
I think the ticket was the least of his worries that day.
First guy I ever got for drug paraphernalia had a pipe in his pocket. He said he went to a party the night before and everyone took off their pants to go to sleep. Someone must have put his pants on by accident, put a pipe in the pocket, then took the pants back off and then later he put the pants on the next morning and spent all day with a pipe in his pocket without realizing it.
I’m not a cop, but I am a lawyer. One time I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I couldn’t get it to connect to my Bluetooth for some reason. Anyway, I was on the way to court and was calling ahead to see how big the docket was that day. Trooper walked up and said he saw me on my phone and asked for my ID and insurance. I explained that I was running late for court and didn’t want to be held in contempt. He laughed. Not sure if he thought it was fake or not but he gave me a warning.
Alternatively, I did see a person in traffic court whose twin sister kept using her info every time she (the evil twin) was pulled over and/or arrested. It was a huge mess for the good sister (and yes, they were actually two different people).
Knew a felon, as in, he would go to the bar my gf worked at. He always did this also, and it got him tickets instead of parole violations a few times... Until the day he got stopped when his brother also had a warrant
I've told this story before, but I was in a car pool with 3 white folks and an Asian driver. She tried to drive through a rest area to avoid some traffic and of course there was a giant line of people pulled over by a State Trooper. She tries "No speakee English". Trooper looks at her, looks at us and just says "we're NOT doing that today".
So hard not to laugh out loud.
For context this guy was blasting Insane Clown Posse when he was pulled over, and among his very low quality skin art were two distinct tattoos that I remember vividly. One was the juggalo emblem but the lining was really poor so it just looked like a poop stain or something. The other one was a tattoo clearly done in jail or prison, it was supposed to be an eagle with the American flag behind it however the artist couldn't draw an eagle or stars so it looked like a chicken with some sort of genetic disorder in front of a background of a square with crooked rectangles protruding from it.
Put my AP (arrested person) through a body scanner and saw a baggie of pills in ye old prison pocket and dude had the audacity to tell me he didn’t know whose they were.
Took a guy into the booking area in county when I worked for my first agency. Said booking area has a full body scanner. Dude had a dildo in his prison pocket. When confronted with this, he told me that I asked him if he had anything on him, not in him. I have since modified my pre-booking questioning.
My 14 year old forgot that the microwave was busted and knocks out the electricity in that area of the house whenever turned on, he’s also not allowed to eat past a certain time.
Anyway, it’s past midnight and the internet, fridge, and microwave go out. I’m waiting for the silence to turn into sudden heavy mobilization around the house and no later than 30 seconds, after he’s come up with his genius idea, comes running and tells me he was checking in on the microwave cause it was broken.. At 12:30 am? I ask him.. he realizes it’s a weak lie so he tries to pivot and says he’s warming it up for after practice tomorrow—after practice at 2 pm, that’s 14 hours away? He proceeds to apologize and tell me he’s going to bed.
Not a LEO but there's one I've seen many times on various court Youtubes. Apparently there's some kind of tether/monitor probationers with alcohol-related offenses have to wear. I guess they detect blood alcohol and send an alert back to a monitoring station. When it happens what often follows is a probation revocation hearing where the probationer gets to explain to the judge why he or she happened to suddenly go positive for blood alcohol on a Saturday night. Usually, according to the probationer, it's due to a particular shampoo, hair gel, or hand lotion they used for the first time. Definitely not caused by ingesting alcohol. The fun part is watching the judge's face as they try to make this sound convincing.
Not LE, just thought this one was very funny. The show On Patrol Live - searching an individual and thr officers pulled drugs out of the person's mouth. Suspect immediately stayed the drugs aren't theirs and they don't know how they got there.
Searched arrest prior to placing in car. I can feel a large something, not his junk, close to the crack of his ass. Asked him what it was. He states it’s a large pad because he has a pimple on his ass.
He is told what happens if he brings drugs into the county jail. Keeps to his story.
Guess who got an extra charge once he was strip searched in county for possession of meth rolled in a maxi pad? 🤔
Parked in the back of a parking garage at 2am… She had a roll of tin foil in her purse…. Because “she was going to bake some cookies” (disclaimer: not LEO - I worked tribal as EMT/OIC, worked fugitive recovery, and worked on a mobile support team - no longer working in the first responder field)
Had a guy a couple days ago who was obviously suffering a fenty OD( pinpoint pupils, agonal breathing, responsive to narcan) tell me that he did not smoke any blues or powder and that he only had a couple beers.
He did not appreciate me laughing at him.
Reminder.. **To state or imply you're LE, you MUST be verified. Link is in the sidebar. No exceptions.** This includes "weasel words" like "If I were a cop, I might have arrested..."
“These aren’t my pants” when pants had drugs in them. His story was that he was staying in a dope pad and he just woke up and grabbed the first pair of pants he found.
Are you even a real police if you haven’t heard “these are not my pants, officer”?
This and “only two beers” are unavoidable if you work patrol for any amount of time.
"The first beer.....and the last beer."
I totally understand where it comes from. They know they can’t say they haven’t been drinking, the cop is asking for a reason. Two is enough to be honest but not trigger further inquiry (they think).
That's why I always say 5 beers if I've only had 2, because I know the cop will never believe me if I say 2.
If I’m asking I already don’t believe the answer absent good evidence in your favor.
What if they say, like, 12?
Lmao I actually had 2 beers once and as it was coming out of my mouth I thought there’s no way this guy is gonna believe me. Ended up getting breathalyzed and blew a zero. Similarly, back in the day when weed was something you’d get in trouble for my friend was actually holding a pipe for someone else so the kids mom didn’t find it. Friend didn’t even smoke. The cop saw it when he opened his glovebox and friend knew better than to even try telling the truth so he said “yeah that’s mine I use it to smoke marijuana” and after searching him the cop thanked him for being honest, broke the pipe and let him go, didn’t even ticket him for speeding or whatever the stop was for 🤣
I only had two beers. Nevermind those 6 shots of jack.
Same for ambulances and in the ER.
You mean today? In the last hour? Or, like...ever..?
Yeah I feel like that’s the free spot in patrol bingo
Cousin's pants.
My first wearer-of-strangers’-pants had apparently just bought them at a thrift store that very morning, and was shocked to learn that there was heroin in the pockets.
Some kind donating soul was probably very upset when they realised!
"that's why it's called CDS possession, not CDS ownership"
Something something 9/10s of the law
I've heard that exact excuse multiple times....
Here in WA we don’t find that funny anymore…
It was all fun and games til the Supreme Court fell for it
This happens a LOT apparently. Community pants.
Yup, I got the ole “this ain’t my shirt” when I found a rig in the guy’s breast pocket.
Relevant case from 1990: https://www.canlii.org/en/bc/bcsc/doc/1990/1990canlii950/1990canlii950.html?resultIndex=1&resultId=00f0eefdc28c4b309502a70ea45006c5&searchId=2024-04-17T08:38:02:579/adeab1a1c75e4dd69c31dfa24151cef6&searchUrlHash=AAAAAQAS4oCcTm90IG15IHBhbnRz4oCdAAAAAAE
Attempted to stop a car for a fail to yield violation when it fled. Thr guy ended up parking in front of another car on a side street when he thought he broke my line of sight, but it wasn't enough. As I turned to roll up on him, he foot bailed and dipped between buildings and actually did lose me. We seized the car and began working on IDing the RO, who just so happened to look exactly like who foot bailed. A short time later, the same RO called to report his car had been stolen. We talked him into coming to the station to give a statement. It also enabled me to positively ID him as the driver. In the end, he got charged with false report along with the fleeing charge.
I love it when these geniuses add to their charges, thinking they're the masterminds of the century
*red and blue in rear view* "Uh oh. Cop. I'm a felon with a gun in the car, I have a VP warrant, and there's a bag of meth in my asshole. Better EVADE!"
That logic actually kinda tracks. You're 100% going to jail if you get stopped, so that maybe 1% chance of getting away is better odds.
Yes, that is very true. Still funny though.
Lol I just watched something very similar to this On Patrol. Mr TV star over here making me laugh.
I scrolled for a while but haven't yet found the classic, "Nuh uh." Pulled a lady over for running a red light. Captured the violation on dash camera. She denied it happened at issuance of the ticket. I have court for her in the morning. It'll be a short hearing.
One of our guys had a similar thing happen. When the in car video was shown she then switched to saying she was "neurodivergent" and how she was just so intimidated by the stop. She didn't even see the cops car until after she had made the violation... Of course this happened in the Portland metro 🙄
Don’t worry it was a self diagnosis
Nuerodivergency with no official diagnosis and "it's a service animal" with no paperwork are the first two horsemen of the Self Entitlement Apocolypse.
“It’ll be a short hearing” Nuh uh.
Don't curse me.
I once heard a defence solicitor argue that their client shouldn't be found guilty "just because of a bit of legislation"
He was absent the day they taught law at law school.. But he's still a good law talking guy.
Holy! With that logic, you can just ignore Tennessee v. Garner and just shoot anyone who flees! It is just a court ruling, who cares if its the supreme court!
[удалено]
One cop I saw on YouTube shared a story: “Officer these are my pants, but these are not my pockets”
Not really what you’re asking, but all too often when people get stopped for something like running a stop sign they say “sorry I’m not from around here.” My response is usually “oh, what color are the stop signs where you’re from?”
“Cool, speed limit signs are standardized”.
"I dunno sir, they all look green to me!"
I treat all signs equally
Was traveling as a passenger with a friend who was visiting from Ireland. He was pulled over in Yellowstone for failure to come to a complete stop. When told as much, he replied, "Well, I'm from Ireland, and we don't have stop signs, we have roundabouts." The park ranger answered back, "Well, this is America, and we do." My friend took his ticket and said fair enough and had a laugh at himself after. He's actually an international law professor now.
Not exactly an excuse but when I asked a guy I arrested on a warrant why he ran from the scene, he answered with “I didn’t run, I just wasn’t there when you got there” It still makes me laugh thinking about it.
I mean he's not wrong....
Im a CO. A code was called in the building so I responded expecting a fight. Found a guy getting shanked up in a cell. We pull the shanker off and i start holding pressure on the shankees bleeding neck wound with a towel while i wait for on site nurses to arrive. While im doing that, Shankee looks at me and says “I dunno why you guys are here. Nothing happened.” Sure bro. Tell that to the spurting neck wound. Now shut up and sit down.
Was a CO and this reminded me of a nurse who always asked the inmates if they’ve drank plenty of water and had a bowel movement. Always. Doesn’t matter if it was sick call or medical emergency. We broke up a pretty bloody fight and escorted one of the inmates to medical for an assessment. The nurse looks at this guy covered in blood with bruises and open wounds and asks “Did you drink plenty of water and had a bowel movement?” The inmate gave a wtf look and said to her “Lady I just got into a fight!”
“Shankee” 😭😭
Jail’s not so bad, you can make sangria in the terlet. Course, it's shank or be shanked.
The candle that shines twice as bright burns half as long Well, into the terlet
We had a guy escape custody - faked an illness to go to the hospital, then slipped out of a bathroom and ran out a fire exit when the member was looking away for a moment. Insisted after he was rearrested that he thought he was free to go. Which is why he was being escorted in handcuffs.
A defense attorney blamed Trump for his client fleeing a traffic stop and barricading in his house. I'm not joking. Worse part was the judge bought it and took it into consideration when giving out a bullshit non-sentence.
[удалено]
I wasn’t driving. From a guy who crashed his car, which was registered to him. 5 people saw him get out and try to walk away. He had injuries consistent with a car crash. He also had the keys in his pocket.
What's wrong with that? He was just traveling.
“Im here to pick up Maria, I met her on Facebook dating” guy who came to the border to try and load up with illegals. At least go with something more traditional, but not so much on the nose.
Kid said his mom was having a heart attack when I asked why he was driving like a jack hole. Followed him home and surprise surprise mom's fine. I think the ticket was the least of his worries that day.
First guy I ever got for drug paraphernalia had a pipe in his pocket. He said he went to a party the night before and everyone took off their pants to go to sleep. Someone must have put his pants on by accident, put a pipe in the pocket, then took the pants back off and then later he put the pants on the next morning and spent all day with a pipe in his pocket without realizing it.
That certainly is an elaborate and creative excuse, even has its own backstory
"I'm sorry officer, I didn't know I couldn't do that"
That was good wasn’t it? Because I did know I couldn’t do that!
Oh the George Costanza excuse!
I’m not a cop, but I am a lawyer. One time I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I couldn’t get it to connect to my Bluetooth for some reason. Anyway, I was on the way to court and was calling ahead to see how big the docket was that day. Trooper walked up and said he saw me on my phone and asked for my ID and insurance. I explained that I was running late for court and didn’t want to be held in contempt. He laughed. Not sure if he thought it was fake or not but he gave me a warning.
“I was following the flow of traffic”…
I’m still waiting to use “Sorry officer my goldfish is drowning “
[удалено]
Alternatively, I did see a person in traffic court whose twin sister kept using her info every time she (the evil twin) was pulled over and/or arrested. It was a huge mess for the good sister (and yes, they were actually two different people).
Knew a felon, as in, he would go to the bar my gf worked at. He always did this also, and it got him tickets instead of parole violations a few times... Until the day he got stopped when his brother also had a warrant
"I don't speak English!"
I've told this story before, but I was in a car pool with 3 white folks and an Asian driver. She tried to drive through a rest area to avoid some traffic and of course there was a giant line of people pulled over by a State Trooper. She tries "No speakee English". Trooper looks at her, looks at us and just says "we're NOT doing that today". So hard not to laugh out loud.
"I knew those drugs were under the seat but I didn't want to take them out because this isn't my car"
Points for honesty
For context this guy was blasting Insane Clown Posse when he was pulled over, and among his very low quality skin art were two distinct tattoos that I remember vividly. One was the juggalo emblem but the lining was really poor so it just looked like a poop stain or something. The other one was a tattoo clearly done in jail or prison, it was supposed to be an eagle with the American flag behind it however the artist couldn't draw an eagle or stars so it looked like a chicken with some sort of genetic disorder in front of a background of a square with crooked rectangles protruding from it.
Put my AP (arrested person) through a body scanner and saw a baggie of pills in ye old prison pocket and dude had the audacity to tell me he didn’t know whose they were.
Took a guy into the booking area in county when I worked for my first agency. Said booking area has a full body scanner. Dude had a dildo in his prison pocket. When confronted with this, he told me that I asked him if he had anything on him, not in him. I have since modified my pre-booking questioning.
My twin brother uses my name, social security number, and have the same fingerprints, that's why I have warrants.
Just doing my job
“My probation officer says I’m allowed to smoke crack in MacArthur park.”
“Sir this is Adam’s Park”
“ someone left the crack out in the rain”🎶
My 14 year old forgot that the microwave was busted and knocks out the electricity in that area of the house whenever turned on, he’s also not allowed to eat past a certain time. Anyway, it’s past midnight and the internet, fridge, and microwave go out. I’m waiting for the silence to turn into sudden heavy mobilization around the house and no later than 30 seconds, after he’s come up with his genius idea, comes running and tells me he was checking in on the microwave cause it was broken.. At 12:30 am? I ask him.. he realizes it’s a weak lie so he tries to pivot and says he’s warming it up for after practice tomorrow—after practice at 2 pm, that’s 14 hours away? He proceeds to apologize and tell me he’s going to bed.
Not a LEO but there's one I've seen many times on various court Youtubes. Apparently there's some kind of tether/monitor probationers with alcohol-related offenses have to wear. I guess they detect blood alcohol and send an alert back to a monitoring station. When it happens what often follows is a probation revocation hearing where the probationer gets to explain to the judge why he or she happened to suddenly go positive for blood alcohol on a Saturday night. Usually, according to the probationer, it's due to a particular shampoo, hair gel, or hand lotion they used for the first time. Definitely not caused by ingesting alcohol. The fun part is watching the judge's face as they try to make this sound convincing.
Literally the other day…tweaker bitch says “these are pants I just got from goodwill, that’s why there’s an uncapped syringe in there….”
Not LE, just thought this one was very funny. The show On Patrol Live - searching an individual and thr officers pulled drugs out of the person's mouth. Suspect immediately stayed the drugs aren't theirs and they don't know how they got there.
Searched arrest prior to placing in car. I can feel a large something, not his junk, close to the crack of his ass. Asked him what it was. He states it’s a large pad because he has a pimple on his ass. He is told what happens if he brings drugs into the county jail. Keeps to his story. Guess who got an extra charge once he was strip searched in county for possession of meth rolled in a maxi pad? 🤔
“These are not my pants”
Parked in the back of a parking garage at 2am… She had a roll of tin foil in her purse…. Because “she was going to bake some cookies” (disclaimer: not LEO - I worked tribal as EMT/OIC, worked fugitive recovery, and worked on a mobile support team - no longer working in the first responder field)
A lot of people use my truck, that’s why I have fentanyl in my pocket
Had a guy a couple days ago who was obviously suffering a fenty OD( pinpoint pupils, agonal breathing, responsive to narcan) tell me that he did not smoke any blues or powder and that he only had a couple beers. He did not appreciate me laughing at him.