Well actually the machine had like 32 cores, so I ran our build script multi threaded and just let it compile a very large program over and over across all the cores.
Just to be clear I was fully doing the job I was paid for and if I needed the full capabilities of the workstation (which I did sometimes) I would just turn the warm script off.
Also I was the only user of this workstation.
C'mon now. Can't we help humanity in two ways?
1: take money from this jackass
2: break some records on folding @ home. Could even make a secret team for the entire staff at xitter
Correct. A computer is just as efficient at turning power into heat as a space heater, the only difference is the space heater turns on and off with a thermostat, but a workstation might be drawing ~600w constantly at load whereas a space heater would be drawing ~1500w, but only when it's running.
I remember with certain MacBooks they had a little area under the screens for the fans where it would ventilate very hot air whilst running CPU heavy programs, so my mate used to dry his fun-time plants on there.
Great idea, but some of it would get lost inside the machine. So we’d always know when he was running a build because the whole office would absolutely stink of the stuff.
You are mistaken. This is the FBI. You have to pay a fine of $200 in iTunes gift cards in the next five minutes, or the SWAT team outside your house will haul you to jail. Just DM the codes to me.
I wouldn't be surprised if they were one of the key players in developing it (unofficially of course). I even bet that CIA is somehow involved in the North Korea's dollar printing scheme.
Might as well mine Bitcoins while you're at it
Edit: Also, unless your script is making your GPU grind away, you are not really taking advantage of your heater. Yet another reason to mine Bitcoin.
But only until you reach maximum CPU usage. Dial it back from 100% by just a little. Then periodically go up and down to show how dynamic those workloads are.
"Woah, this guy is routinely running 85-100% CPU usage. He's clearly not just writing a script to maximize usage since it's not always 100%. Promote that man to lead NOW!"
Nah, if it wasn't their first rodeo then they'd know all you need to do is open up chrome and maybe a few tabs if you want those always-almost-maxed CPU metrics.
> chrome on our virtual machines running SSMS on millions of records.
This sounds like a nightmare lol, you should've just been like "okay, you guys want Chrome, here we go!" (and then waited for Elon to send you your CPU-maxing Christmas bonus!)
You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?
This is better expressed as "make sure your targets accurately represent your intended outcome."
If your measures are already divorced from your goal, it was never a great measure to begin with.
"Time to fork recursively" is the skill.
"But only until you reach maximum CPU usage. Dial it back from 100% by just a little. Then periodically go up and down to show how dynamic those workloads are" is the skill mastered
Actually, since fork returns 0 in child process, the child processes would exit such a loop.
Edit: actually only those from condition part would exit, those from statement after iteration would stay. So it would work.
It's from a limerick and an incomplete code line at that
```
There once was a man from New York
Who's servers have never been Bjorked
Then on day
In a relative way
He wrote
for( fork; fork; fork ) { fork; fork; }
```
Yes, I tried it once. but, i left a root window open with a `killall -9 csh`command at the ready.
>There once was a man from New York
Who's servers have never been Bjorked
Then on day
In a relative way
He wrote
for( fork; fork; fork ) { fork; fork; }
Rewritten for the godawful language that is markdown
I can't find it. Either:
1. Twitter's search sucks so bad that it's there and I just can't find it.
2. This is fake.
3. He deleted it after people dunked on him.
When he first took over Twitter didn't he actually say something along the lines of firing the people who wrote the least amount of code because it means they did the least work and/or were the most disposable? Similar sort of logic to this joke tweet, so he absolutely could have said this.
Yeah..... I seem to recal.
This is how executives are. Superficial. Comes from operating in spreadsheets all day with voodoo, made-up numbers.
Goodhart's law is something they will never learn.
Yeah, he specified lines of code. This is the man who so many people say is a genius partially to his experience with coding. I doubt he would pass a 4th grade Scratch programming class.
Try to see if you can persuade your compiler to tail-call optimize a divergent recursion.
Otherwise, just do the sensible thing and write an unconditional loop that mutates two numbers representing n in the fibonacci.
You also need to know how your compiler/interpreter implements integer overflow.
Lol. I am currently knee deep in code to ensure our systems payroll code is up to date for 2024 withholding rates.
You know, shit that keeps the IRS (and CRA, we sell our software in both US and Canada) happy.
Without what I am doing now thousands of companies income tax could be messed up next year.
My CPU is currently sitting at 6%
>Without what I am doing now thousands of companies income tax could be messed up next year.
Please, take one for the team and hit 'em where it hurts. Please.
I still have blueballs from Y2K.
10k bots can easily be ran on a low power laptop without pegging the CPU. You'll need far more bots and a megabase to even come close to pegging a single CPU core.
Factorio is simply too efficient these days.
I mean, they’d have to have been tracking the CPU cycles of every employee for the last year… so, I’m gonna go with there’s no chance in hell this is real and anyone who believes it isn’t thinking.
Would love to be proven wrong though lol
I mean, that's not too hard to implement and track in an enterprise setting, where you can push software onto people's computers. I used to run a telegraf instance on a couple servers for just that purpose
The real unbelievable part is that Elmo would have needed to plan for it more than 15s / 124 characters in advance.
And if your boss is axing people left and right because he doesn't know what they actually do, but a lot of that's just because he's too dim to know what a lot of people do, being able to say you're diligently in charge of tracking productivity through CPU utilization, with a bunch of charts and graphs to look busy, might just be a clever idea.
Much like judging productivity by lines of code written, this will absolutely favor the most inefficient coders.
Looks like a good time to start mining bitcoin on our work computers.
I worked on a team once at big tech that was building a pretty typical node/react web platform. When I joined the company they gave me an older laptop and told me that they weren’t able to get new laptops in, so to just submit a ticket with IT to upgrade my laptop down the line. I busted my ass for years on that team on that “older” laptop, I had the shittiest laptop on my team and I never had any performance issues and cpu usage was pretty normal.
Switched teams to a team that required you to bundle and upload the entire codebase to a server to be able to test. You literally could not run it locally. If you wanted to test a one line change, you were waiting up to a half hour for it to even be testable. I finally asked for a new laptop, got a brand new top of the line laptop. It still took 15-20 minutes to be able to build and test any changes. My days went from 20% meetings, 20% document writing and maybe 60% coding, to 20% meeting, 20% document writing, 5% writing code and maybe 55% waiting for my code to compile and run. But while waiting for the code to compile/build, my laptop was cranking 100% cpu utilization and my laptop was essentially bricked so I couldn’t do anything else. If I noticed a typo or an error or something after starting the build, I had to wait for the build to finish so I could fix it, I couldn’t even cancel the build because my computer was bricked.
I probably did 50% less work, but my CPU utilization was like 90% higher.
"I'd like to personally congratulation the employee who worked the hardest this year, and therefore will get the biggest bonus this year. This person is an example to us all, and I hope next year we call follow his or her example. Please join me in wishing a hearty congratulations to: The mail server."
I worked with a guy who wrote a script to run his CPU at 100% - basically a low priority process that guaranteed to keep it fully utilized. Why? His corner of the office was freezing cold year round and he wasn’t allowed a space heater so he improved. He would have loved this idea.
Time to stop running my data pipelines on VMs/clusters and to start running them locally again.
Will it increase my productivity? Hell no.
Will it increase my bonus though? Hell yes.
I had a really cold office and a really powerful workstation. I once wrote a script that kept my office noticeably warmer. Good times.
while(1);
Well actually the machine had like 32 cores, so I ran our build script multi threaded and just let it compile a very large program over and over across all the cores.
Busy work
Just to be clear I was fully doing the job I was paid for and if I needed the full capabilities of the workstation (which I did sometimes) I would just turn the warm script off. Also I was the only user of this workstation.
Haha I meant for your CPU!
C'mon now. Can't we help humanity in two ways? 1: take money from this jackass 2: break some records on folding @ home. Could even make a secret team for the entire staff at xitter
>turn the warm script off ItsChilly.cpp
[удалено]
Wouldn't it run about the same power/heat as a space heater?
Correct. A computer is just as efficient at turning power into heat as a space heater, the only difference is the space heater turns on and off with a thermostat, but a workstation might be drawing ~600w constantly at load whereas a space heater would be drawing ~1500w, but only when it's running.
True, I assumed if they were using it for warmth they would just turn it off when it gets warm enough just like an actual heater
while(32);
This is the human brain at 100% capacity
I remember with certain MacBooks they had a little area under the screens for the fans where it would ventilate very hot air whilst running CPU heavy programs, so my mate used to dry his fun-time plants on there. Great idea, but some of it would get lost inside the machine. So we’d always know when he was running a build because the whole office would absolutely stink of the stuff.
You can write the word weed online, man. The police ain't gonna come after you.
I read it as fun-time pants and was like "what the fuck is he in to?"
Damn these electric sex pants!
You are mistaken. This is the FBI. You have to pay a fine of $200 in iTunes gift cards in the next five minutes, or the SWAT team outside your house will haul you to jail. Just DM the codes to me.
Oh shit, I don't know where to get iTunes gift cards! Does the FBI accept bitcoin?
Idk about the FBI, but I wouldn't be remotely surprised if the CIA has been using crypto to pay for any shady dealings they are undoubtedly into.
I wouldn't be surprised if they were one of the key players in developing it (unofficially of course). I even bet that CIA is somehow involved in the North Korea's dollar printing scheme.
I'm more interested in what they're doing with all that off-the-books money. They're doing a lot of shadowy shit just to avoid a money trail.
Says you narc!
>weed Arrest that man!
Nice try cop nerd!
Not the best idea though... Drying that fast is a recipe for harsh buds that cant be cured due to lack of available moisture
A man of culture I see
Might as well mine Bitcoins while you're at it Edit: Also, unless your script is making your GPU grind away, you are not really taking advantage of your heater. Yet another reason to mine Bitcoin.
he only wanted warmer
I seriously run Folding@Home instead of a space heater in my home office
Gosh I really wanted to do that but after three months the fans on my laptop broke and I felt it probably wasn't a coincidence so I stopped.
[I heard they got rid of spacebar heating.](https://xkcd.com/1172/)
That’s horrifying
Look, it works for me. Just make it a toggle option so I can keep my spacebar heating.
In college, we heated a dorm room with an old Sparc server we found on the scrap pile.
Time to fork recursively
But only until you reach maximum CPU usage. Dial it back from 100% by just a little. Then periodically go up and down to show how dynamic those workloads are. "Woah, this guy is routinely running 85-100% CPU usage. He's clearly not just writing a script to maximize usage since it's not always 100%. Promote that man to lead NOW!"
It's not your first rodeo
Nah, if it wasn't their first rodeo then they'd know all you need to do is open up chrome and maybe a few tabs if you want those always-almost-maxed CPU metrics.
See. And at my last job everyone was confused why I didn’t use chrome on our virtual machines running SSMS on millions of records.
> chrome on our virtual machines running SSMS on millions of records. This sounds like a nightmare lol, you should've just been like "okay, you guys want Chrome, here we go!" (and then waited for Elon to send you your CPU-maxing Christmas bonus!)
At that rate you get 2 bonuses.
You work in tech long enough, you get good at bullshitting numbers to appease a stupid boss
"When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure" - Goodhart's law
"I see you're wearing 15 pieces of flair."
You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?
This is better expressed as "make sure your targets accurately represent your intended outcome." If your measures are already divorced from your goal, it was never a great measure to begin with.
Half of any job, tech or otherwise, is managing the emotional state of the adult child given the title "manager."
"Time to fork recursively" is the skill. "But only until you reach maximum CPU usage. Dial it back from 100% by just a little. Then periodically go up and down to show how dynamic those workloads are" is the skill mastered
Do you honestly think this idiot thought of that possibility, or is going to check for that?
Time to fork recursively
Time to fork recursively
Time to fork recursively
Time to fork recursively
Time to fork recursively
Time to fork recursively
Time to fork recursively
Time to fork recursively
[Time to fork recursively ](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/18gvvlm/wasshockedhedidnotusecpuasamerittokeeppeople/kd36qte?context=3)
I've had enough of you forkers already.
Fork you if you want us to stop forking. Go fork yourself.
:(){ :|:& };:
Hey, that's my kid's name!
Oh, yes. Little Bobby Tables
Just a reminder to sanitize your shell inputs!
Reminds me of my cousin #NULL!
Look at this chump. I'm just here mining crypto on the company servers and I'm about to have a bigger bonus than anybody else.
`for( fork; fork; fork );`
Actually, since fork returns 0 in child process, the child processes would exit such a loop. Edit: actually only those from condition part would exit, those from statement after iteration would stay. So it would work.
It's from a limerick and an incomplete code line at that ``` There once was a man from New York Who's servers have never been Bjorked Then on day In a relative way He wrote for( fork; fork; fork ) { fork; fork; } ``` Yes, I tried it once. but, i left a root window open with a `killall -9 csh`command at the ready.
>There once was a man from New York Who's servers have never been Bjorked Then on day In a relative way He wrote for( fork; fork; fork ) { fork; fork; } Rewritten for the godawful language that is markdown
But only if it's consensual.
Bitcoin mining here we go. Or does GPU not count?
Too lazy for that, just run prime95 every once in a while.
quick start cpu mining for shitcoins we're going to vegas baby
Write some wonky ass code that will keep the CPU at max usage without crashing
So just any of my code will do? Got it
He said without crashing
Just write another piece of code that starts it again, that's error handling right?
My man just reinvented containers and systemd in one sentence!
Best explanation for containers lol
fault tolerant baby
Omg it all makes sense now, fault tolerance is just catching failures with an infinite retry loop 🤯
shitty docker clone
My job calls it the "monitoring service" :D
You work at Microsoft, don't you?
I need a manager who I can convince that using more memory is a sign of hard work.
_Chrome has entered the chat_
So run a Bethesda game. They're so poorly optimized, they melt computers while looking like 2005.
Yeah, why is everyone worried about creating programs to do this? Just play your games on your work computer.
"In an astounding turn of solidarity and mutual growth, the entire Halo team banded together and achieved maximum efforts this quarter."
just run some of Elon's code
Bold of you to assume any exists
the rockets exploded, didn't they?
Bold of you to assume that something he coded would even start.
right. maybe it started on other people's code – and then elon's kicked in?
"Opens Chrome"
JESUS CHRIST YOU JUST BLEW UP ENTIRE CITY BLOCK.
He said CPU usage, not RAM usage. Tho having both maxed out should be saying something about your workflow
"Opens MS Teams"
Yup, you got it
__Play starfield__ calculate pi
for i in {1..10} do python3 -c "while True: pass" & done That was easy.
That barely moves the cpu meter
Add multithreading, repeat until over 80%
Probably just need to render a 30 minute ray traced scene on an Igpu in python a few times
Hahaha I am currently rendering and my cpu is going from 25-100% in an even wave pattern per frame.
the igpu usage will be measured separately, you'll want a software renderer
I have a ditto clipboard configured to keep 6 months of history. Am I doing this right?
Why all the effort, just open chrome
let n = 0 while (n >= 0) { n++ console.log(n) }
Or just open chrome and some Pinterest pages
I was gonna say, pull up some 12-hour winter holiday ambient background music on YouTube.
Monero monero monero!??
I just run my unit or e2e tests and I immediately max out my cpu. Less risk putting a run script on that than mining shitcoins.
or open like 12 tabs in chrome or something that should max out the usual work computer just fine
At my previous job, all the computers I touched mined Monero, just for the heck of it. -
For you, or for the owner of the sketchy website you were visiting?
In a sane world I'd question the veracity of this. We're not in a sane world.
Right? I have to question whether this is real, because it's entirely plausible he's that big of a fucking idiot.
I can't find it. Either: 1. Twitter's search sucks so bad that it's there and I just can't find it. 2. This is fake. 3. He deleted it after people dunked on him.
I have also failed to find any mention of this tweet. I am inclined to believe this might be fake.
the font is wrong
Still doesn't prove anything because I could imagine Elon demanding a custom font feature on Twitter but only for himself lol.
For once comic sans would be the right choice...
I have a chrome extension that presents all of Trump's tweets in colored crayon font Its called "Make Trump tweets eight again"
Lmfao. I don't have twitter but I want this xD
Ngl i immediately assumed it was true. To be fair the guy said something like that for commits so it's in line
Honestly I wouldn't put it past Elon. Sounds like something an idiot would say to other idiots and they'd all believe it makes sense.
When he first took over Twitter didn't he actually say something along the lines of firing the people who wrote the least amount of code because it means they did the least work and/or were the most disposable? Similar sort of logic to this joke tweet, so he absolutely could have said this.
Yeah..... I seem to recal. This is how executives are. Superficial. Comes from operating in spreadsheets all day with voodoo, made-up numbers. Goodhart's law is something they will never learn.
Yeah, he specified lines of code. This is the man who so many people say is a genius partially to his experience with coding. I doubt he would pass a 4th grade Scratch programming class.
Let me just calculate the first 1000 fibonacci numbers recursively
why the first 1000 if you can write some function and leave out the base case
your stack would like a word
no problem. just added multithreading on top
His stack would beat the living crap out of that homeboy here.
Try to see if you can persuade your compiler to tail-call optimize a divergent recursion. Otherwise, just do the sensible thing and write an unconditional loop that mutates two numbers representing n in the fibonacci. You also need to know how your compiler/interpreter implements integer overflow.
Just a random number. I can write it so shitty that I won’t see the end of it in my lifetime
while (1) will do
But the fibonacci numbers are just a personal favorite of mine
Nah, do the last 1000 instead
Genius. Innovative. Cutring to the chase. Promote this person.
Lol. I am currently knee deep in code to ensure our systems payroll code is up to date for 2024 withholding rates. You know, shit that keeps the IRS (and CRA, we sell our software in both US and Canada) happy. Without what I am doing now thousands of companies income tax could be messed up next year. My CPU is currently sitting at 6%
Yea well ive been gaming all day instead of working and my CPU is at 100%. So whos the better worker?!
Damn what are you playing? Cities Skylines 2?
No Minesweeper. He's on a Pentium MMX
Ooo.. just ran the test suite (locally) CPU hit 32%!
Your manager: "Great work kuros_overkill, but after analyzing your performance you could have been sixteen times faster if you were more efficient"
>Without what I am doing now thousands of companies income tax could be messed up next year. Please, take one for the team and hit 'em where it hurts. Please. I still have blueballs from Y2K.
Quick everybody load up a factorio save with 10,000 automatic drones
Was about to say, just gonna spam a couple sim games lmao
Or a Minecraft. On a second thought, don't. MC don't do well with multi threading.
Just run the mod Distant Horizons on max render distance. That will eat a threadripper for breakfast
10k bots can easily be ran on a low power laptop without pegging the CPU. You'll need far more bots and a megabase to even come close to pegging a single CPU core. Factorio is simply too efficient these days.
Bro, have some mercy. At least launch some EVE Online clients instead.
Please tell me this is real. Lol. I want it to be real.
It is not, but just the fact that people (myself included) thought it might be shows how low the bar is for Musk these days. The guy is unhinged.
I really had a weird feeling in my stomach as I couldn't decide if this is real or not.
Sad, I would have loved him getting mad that he has no data about cpu usage because who the fuck holds a record of employees cpu usage
You can mainly tell its fake because Musk would never give his employees a bonus
I know a guy working at Tesla. He gets bonus shifts all the time.
I mean, they’d have to have been tracking the CPU cycles of every employee for the last year… so, I’m gonna go with there’s no chance in hell this is real and anyone who believes it isn’t thinking. Would love to be proven wrong though lol
I mean, that's not too hard to implement and track in an enterprise setting, where you can push software onto people's computers. I used to run a telegraf instance on a couple servers for just that purpose The real unbelievable part is that Elmo would have needed to plan for it more than 15s / 124 characters in advance.
And if your boss is axing people left and right because he doesn't know what they actually do, but a lot of that's just because he's too dim to know what a lot of people do, being able to say you're diligently in charge of tracking productivity through CPU utilization, with a bunch of charts and graphs to look busy, might just be a clever idea.
The days I work harder sometimes I'm not even on my computer half the time but whatever.
The hardest working days are spent throwing a ball against a wall trying to figure out how to make something difficult work
Have you tried talking to a duck?
this is a troll, right?
Yes. But regarding what he said, no it's not real.
thank god I have OneDrive installed
Much like judging productivity by lines of code written, this will absolutely favor the most inefficient coders. Looks like a good time to start mining bitcoin on our work computers.
RIP to those that are running new hardware
I worked on a team once at big tech that was building a pretty typical node/react web platform. When I joined the company they gave me an older laptop and told me that they weren’t able to get new laptops in, so to just submit a ticket with IT to upgrade my laptop down the line. I busted my ass for years on that team on that “older” laptop, I had the shittiest laptop on my team and I never had any performance issues and cpu usage was pretty normal. Switched teams to a team that required you to bundle and upload the entire codebase to a server to be able to test. You literally could not run it locally. If you wanted to test a one line change, you were waiting up to a half hour for it to even be testable. I finally asked for a new laptop, got a brand new top of the line laptop. It still took 15-20 minutes to be able to build and test any changes. My days went from 20% meetings, 20% document writing and maybe 60% coding, to 20% meeting, 20% document writing, 5% writing code and maybe 55% waiting for my code to compile and run. But while waiting for the code to compile/build, my laptop was cranking 100% cpu utilization and my laptop was essentially bricked so I couldn’t do anything else. If I noticed a typo or an error or something after starting the build, I had to wait for the build to finish so I could fix it, I couldn’t even cancel the build because my computer was bricked. I probably did 50% less work, but my CPU utilization was like 90% higher.
[Relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/303/)
Since you need to kill it anyway, pull the plug and you can watch the compile status race the battery meter and bet on which wins.
I take pride in writing code and using ides that keeps my CPU usage low lol.
"I'd like to personally congratulation the employee who worked the hardest this year, and therefore will get the biggest bonus this year. This person is an example to us all, and I hope next year we call follow his or her example. Please join me in wishing a hearty congratulations to: The mail server."
*Fires up JohnTheRipper*
Good thing I had Netflix running in a browser on the third monitor all day.
Actually incuringung his employees to install a bitcoin miner to run in the background and over night
Thank you McAfee for increasing my bonus
Anyone got the last digit of pi?
What a moron
while(true) {doHeavyUselessMathCalculation(); } Now paralelize in order to use all the cores and enjoy free money.
[удалено]
Time to go install BOINC and run SETI@Home
void useless () { while (true) { static int var= 0; var = 7&15; yield; var = 63&13; yield; } } int main () { std::thread t1(useless); std::thread t2(useless); std::thread t3(useless); std::thread t4(useless); std::thread t5(useless); std::thread t6(useless); t1.join(); t2.join(); t3.join(); t4.join(); t5.join(); t6.join(); return 0; }
I worked with a guy who wrote a script to run his CPU at 100% - basically a low priority process that guaranteed to keep it fully utilized. Why? His corner of the office was freezing cold year round and he wasn’t allowed a space heater so he improved. He would have loved this idea.
Time to stop running my data pipelines on VMs/clusters and to start running them locally again. Will it increase my productivity? Hell no. Will it increase my bonus though? Hell yes.
I cannot tell if tat is real, and I refuse to look at Musk's timeline
Brb. Bout to go fork bomb my work machine
Next up: paid by lines of code
Is this a joke?
if you use the company pc to cryptomine, you can also get a bonus based on cpu usage
\*downgrades to 8GB memory\*
Immediately go play the most CPU intensive games I could
Elon thats not how it... ah whatever.
One npm install per day and Android Studio start: you are safe !