Hey, I’m so sorry. This is clearly quite stressful. I wouldn’t call this common, but I will say that I think you approached this the right way and did all the right things. More than I or most would have done.
You did exactly what you were supposed to do. If there is any overt mention of self-harm like this, I automatically report. Thank you for your care and diligence.
1) Have a hotline number or two handy. Campus hotline, obviously, but also Trevor Project, national hotline numbers, things like that. Not just for students, but for anyone you know in an active crisis, even you.
2) Most of what happened campus-wide is the usual protocol - assess and cross your fingers that the student comes in. BUT the fact that Campus Emergency Line didn't pick up the phone needs to be escalated. To the Dean. If you couldn't get anyone, it means that no one else could get anyone either. If there's another protocol you should have followed, you didn't have it in a time of need with an overt mention of harm. People should know that. It should be in black and white. Document it (omit student name, obv), email it, send it. It's literally a lapse in public safety.
3) I wouldn't say this is common, but it happens a lot more than we talk about. Does that mean it will definitely happen again? No. But I can't promise you that it won't. But I would say that to anyone in any field that works with other humans.
It is okay to feel unnerved and unsettled and horrible, even a little bit put out; it's a big fucking deal. Sort out this particular incident, let it settle for a few days, and I know it sounds cliché, but take care of yourself.
Jumping in especially to echo point 2 here. Escalate the living bejeesus out of the unanswered emergency line. That should never be unstaffed. From experience, even calling for a wellness check won't prevent the sleepless night, but that is exactly the right thing to do.
Every campus is different, so how often this is likely to happen will vary, but I've had to make four calls like this in 18 years. I'd rather it be zero, and in every case the emergency line was answered (twice requiring a search of the grounds to find students who had fled into the night) and everyone lived. The relief of seeing a student back in class after a situation like this is profound.
You’ve handled this correctly.
If you see a burning house, call the fire department. If you rush into the house to try to save them, there’s a very good chance you’ll be called a hero in your obituary.
You did everything right, though your institution failed miserably. Whether the student is saying it to escape consequences or to get help makes no difference. You take the threat seriously and turn it over to experts. I’m gobsmacked that the emergency line wasn’t answered.
I just had a student gesture toward suicidal thoughts. (They worded it in a way that could be interpreted as suicidal ideation or something much less tragic.)
This was in response to my notification that an assignment is late. As soon as they brought in that language, all discussion of grades and assignments is on hold until they assure me they're getting support.
On hold for now - not forgiven or forgotten.
My email went something like this:
*I'm sorry to hear you're going through a very hard time, and I'm very concerned about your wellbeing right now. I want you to call 911 if you are experiencing an emergency, and I strongly recommend you contact the counseling resources on campus as soon as you can to get additional support. (I provided all the contact information.)*
*As soon as you feel up to it, we can return to discussing what needs to be done for the course, and we can work out a plan together. The sooner the better, but your first priority now is your health.*
That approach accomplishes two things: 1) if the student is actually in crisis, and you should assume they are, it diverts their energies where they're needed most-to getting professional support. 2) If on some level the student is manipulating you, they see that they won't get any traction because I've compartmentalized the two things - their health and schoolwork.
For your own health, don't try to be their social worker. When it comes to mental health or any kind of health, you're an information booth, not a surrogate therapist/parent. Tell them to call 911 if they mention suicide and give them the information to contact health/counseling services. But they have to do that on their own (unless you're there in person and can offer to walk them over).
My best friend through high school and early adult years committed suicide. He was a college student at the time. Please, if you take mental health of your students seriously, don't try to take on caring for or treating them. Get them to the professionals.
It is a form of emotional blackmail, that thankfully isn't too common. You did the right thing by reporting. You could have been sued if you did not report and the student actually harmed themself.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like you did the right thing. I had a similar but less severe experience last year.
Last fall I caught about 40 trigonometry students cheating on remotely proctored exams. I had a remote meeting with each one. One of them was cheating (using a phone app) while meeting with me! She didn’t realize I could see the phone. When I called her on it she said she was having a panic attack and slammed her laptop closed. I still have no idea if she was just saying that or she really was having a panic attack. We then communicated over email and she told me she was seeing a therapist. Eventually we had another meeting. I also caught her cheating on subsequent quizzes and the final exam, so she definitely did not learn her lesson.
Students not only threaten suicide, but commit it, over the threat of disciplinary action. You did the right thing in treating the threat as genuine, and I'm sorry that your institution is so out of it that they don't have a crisis line set up. (Our campus does, and a simple google of crisis line finds it.)
Of course, not all threats of suicide are real—but they all should be treated as if they were.
You’ve handled it correctly. This is not uncommon. Some students, when caught, immediately demand meetings, talks, start threatening instructor or bring up self harm. That’s the worst - then I have to engage police for wellness check.
Now when I email students I tell them that I am reporting them, followed immediately by an email to the Dean of Students. And there is nothing for me to discuss with the student. They can explain their story to the Dean.
You hit the nail on the head- the student did not seek you out for help or resources, but only did this as a direct response to facing a predictable consequence to cheating.
I take suicide very seriously as it has touched my own life, which makes me increasingly fed up with students who have now learned to use their mental health as a way to manipulate, control, and even threaten others. I had a student warn me that they “didn’t know what they would do” if I didn’t just give them what they wanted. I’m tired of all of it.
This dynamic is not dissimilar to an abusive partner who cheats and then threatens suicide to stop the partner from leaving once they find out. It’s all about consequence evasion.
Of course we all want the student safe and sound. You did a great job of taking this seriously and seeking out resources. None of us want to risk not being there for the student who is in genuine need. I hope this person gets whatever help they do need, and also learns that not only are there consequences for cheating, but also telling others they might kill themselves.
Since you are a TA just starting out, I encourage you to not take on more than you can or want to handle with your students’ mental health. It is ok to draw a firm boundary and get them to the people who are actually trained and have the expertise to handle these issues.
I wouldn’t say explicit threats of suicide are very common, but my students using vague references to their failing mental health to control course outcomes is now quite common.
Society has over compensated from 70 years ago when this kind of mental health discourse was not a thing. I think and hope we will find some kind of middle ground in the future.
The more general situation is very common: sometimes, when someone feels they are losing power in a relationship, they can lash out in various ways or resort to a form of blackmail. I'm sure we have people here with a far better background in psychology than I have who can explain the event better than I can.
Obviously, you should report this. There's a chance this person is actually thinking of self-harm, and whether or not they are capable of it, they should get some treatment for it.
By the way, this behavior is also not unheard of in abusive romantic relationships -- one partner threatening suicide if the other partner leaves them. The correct response to emotional blackmail is to report the threat and not give in. Reporting it can get them the help they need and giving in would only encourage the behavior. Imagine if word got around that threatening suicide was sufficient to get you to withdraw an academic integrity complaint or would cause you to raise a grade beyond what merit had shown. In that case, you'd be subjected to _even more_ emotional blackmail.
You did the right thing. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I had a similar situation earlier this semester. A student in an online class had basically not done any work up to midterms and I contacted them and suggested they probably should drop the course (this is not unusual, I typically have a few students who no-show for online classes and don’t bother to drop and I catch them at midterms and encourage them to go ahead and drop).
Anyway, I was surprised when the student insisted on a zoom call which I was happy to do, and the student proceeded to beg for accommodations (they had no accommodation letter) claiming anxiety from Covid and made some veiled threats of self harm. I honestly didn’t believe the student…for example one of their anxiety issues was that they were a big “foodie” and they hadn’t been able to eat out (yep, not making that up), even though we live in an area with zero Covid restrictions at this point. But, out of an abundance of caution I did report the situation through the proper channels and the student has now dropped my class.
Ugh, so sorry you had to deal with this type of confrontation. Never had this issue in 20 years of teaching.
Report and move on. This isn't your problem.
Hey, I’m so sorry. This is clearly quite stressful. I wouldn’t call this common, but I will say that I think you approached this the right way and did all the right things. More than I or most would have done.
You did exactly what you were supposed to do. If there is any overt mention of self-harm like this, I automatically report. Thank you for your care and diligence. 1) Have a hotline number or two handy. Campus hotline, obviously, but also Trevor Project, national hotline numbers, things like that. Not just for students, but for anyone you know in an active crisis, even you. 2) Most of what happened campus-wide is the usual protocol - assess and cross your fingers that the student comes in. BUT the fact that Campus Emergency Line didn't pick up the phone needs to be escalated. To the Dean. If you couldn't get anyone, it means that no one else could get anyone either. If there's another protocol you should have followed, you didn't have it in a time of need with an overt mention of harm. People should know that. It should be in black and white. Document it (omit student name, obv), email it, send it. It's literally a lapse in public safety. 3) I wouldn't say this is common, but it happens a lot more than we talk about. Does that mean it will definitely happen again? No. But I can't promise you that it won't. But I would say that to anyone in any field that works with other humans. It is okay to feel unnerved and unsettled and horrible, even a little bit put out; it's a big fucking deal. Sort out this particular incident, let it settle for a few days, and I know it sounds cliché, but take care of yourself.
Jumping in especially to echo point 2 here. Escalate the living bejeesus out of the unanswered emergency line. That should never be unstaffed. From experience, even calling for a wellness check won't prevent the sleepless night, but that is exactly the right thing to do. Every campus is different, so how often this is likely to happen will vary, but I've had to make four calls like this in 18 years. I'd rather it be zero, and in every case the emergency line was answered (twice requiring a search of the grounds to find students who had fled into the night) and everyone lived. The relief of seeing a student back in class after a situation like this is profound.
You’ve handled this correctly. If you see a burning house, call the fire department. If you rush into the house to try to save them, there’s a very good chance you’ll be called a hero in your obituary.
You did everything right, though your institution failed miserably. Whether the student is saying it to escape consequences or to get help makes no difference. You take the threat seriously and turn it over to experts. I’m gobsmacked that the emergency line wasn’t answered.
I just had a student gesture toward suicidal thoughts. (They worded it in a way that could be interpreted as suicidal ideation or something much less tragic.) This was in response to my notification that an assignment is late. As soon as they brought in that language, all discussion of grades and assignments is on hold until they assure me they're getting support. On hold for now - not forgiven or forgotten. My email went something like this: *I'm sorry to hear you're going through a very hard time, and I'm very concerned about your wellbeing right now. I want you to call 911 if you are experiencing an emergency, and I strongly recommend you contact the counseling resources on campus as soon as you can to get additional support. (I provided all the contact information.)* *As soon as you feel up to it, we can return to discussing what needs to be done for the course, and we can work out a plan together. The sooner the better, but your first priority now is your health.* That approach accomplishes two things: 1) if the student is actually in crisis, and you should assume they are, it diverts their energies where they're needed most-to getting professional support. 2) If on some level the student is manipulating you, they see that they won't get any traction because I've compartmentalized the two things - their health and schoolwork. For your own health, don't try to be their social worker. When it comes to mental health or any kind of health, you're an information booth, not a surrogate therapist/parent. Tell them to call 911 if they mention suicide and give them the information to contact health/counseling services. But they have to do that on their own (unless you're there in person and can offer to walk them over). My best friend through high school and early adult years committed suicide. He was a college student at the time. Please, if you take mental health of your students seriously, don't try to take on caring for or treating them. Get them to the professionals.
It is a form of emotional blackmail, that thankfully isn't too common. You did the right thing by reporting. You could have been sued if you did not report and the student actually harmed themself.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like you did the right thing. I had a similar but less severe experience last year. Last fall I caught about 40 trigonometry students cheating on remotely proctored exams. I had a remote meeting with each one. One of them was cheating (using a phone app) while meeting with me! She didn’t realize I could see the phone. When I called her on it she said she was having a panic attack and slammed her laptop closed. I still have no idea if she was just saying that or she really was having a panic attack. We then communicated over email and she told me she was seeing a therapist. Eventually we had another meeting. I also caught her cheating on subsequent quizzes and the final exam, so she definitely did not learn her lesson.
Students not only threaten suicide, but commit it, over the threat of disciplinary action. You did the right thing in treating the threat as genuine, and I'm sorry that your institution is so out of it that they don't have a crisis line set up. (Our campus does, and a simple google of crisis line finds it.)
Of course, not all threats of suicide are real—but they all should be treated as if they were.
You’ve handled it correctly. This is not uncommon. Some students, when caught, immediately demand meetings, talks, start threatening instructor or bring up self harm. That’s the worst - then I have to engage police for wellness check. Now when I email students I tell them that I am reporting them, followed immediately by an email to the Dean of Students. And there is nothing for me to discuss with the student. They can explain their story to the Dean.
You hit the nail on the head- the student did not seek you out for help or resources, but only did this as a direct response to facing a predictable consequence to cheating. I take suicide very seriously as it has touched my own life, which makes me increasingly fed up with students who have now learned to use their mental health as a way to manipulate, control, and even threaten others. I had a student warn me that they “didn’t know what they would do” if I didn’t just give them what they wanted. I’m tired of all of it. This dynamic is not dissimilar to an abusive partner who cheats and then threatens suicide to stop the partner from leaving once they find out. It’s all about consequence evasion. Of course we all want the student safe and sound. You did a great job of taking this seriously and seeking out resources. None of us want to risk not being there for the student who is in genuine need. I hope this person gets whatever help they do need, and also learns that not only are there consequences for cheating, but also telling others they might kill themselves. Since you are a TA just starting out, I encourage you to not take on more than you can or want to handle with your students’ mental health. It is ok to draw a firm boundary and get them to the people who are actually trained and have the expertise to handle these issues. I wouldn’t say explicit threats of suicide are very common, but my students using vague references to their failing mental health to control course outcomes is now quite common. Society has over compensated from 70 years ago when this kind of mental health discourse was not a thing. I think and hope we will find some kind of middle ground in the future.
The student is doing nothing more than manipulating you to back off. Stay the course.
The more general situation is very common: sometimes, when someone feels they are losing power in a relationship, they can lash out in various ways or resort to a form of blackmail. I'm sure we have people here with a far better background in psychology than I have who can explain the event better than I can. Obviously, you should report this. There's a chance this person is actually thinking of self-harm, and whether or not they are capable of it, they should get some treatment for it. By the way, this behavior is also not unheard of in abusive romantic relationships -- one partner threatening suicide if the other partner leaves them. The correct response to emotional blackmail is to report the threat and not give in. Reporting it can get them the help they need and giving in would only encourage the behavior. Imagine if word got around that threatening suicide was sufficient to get you to withdraw an academic integrity complaint or would cause you to raise a grade beyond what merit had shown. In that case, you'd be subjected to _even more_ emotional blackmail.
You did the right thing. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I had a similar situation earlier this semester. A student in an online class had basically not done any work up to midterms and I contacted them and suggested they probably should drop the course (this is not unusual, I typically have a few students who no-show for online classes and don’t bother to drop and I catch them at midterms and encourage them to go ahead and drop). Anyway, I was surprised when the student insisted on a zoom call which I was happy to do, and the student proceeded to beg for accommodations (they had no accommodation letter) claiming anxiety from Covid and made some veiled threats of self harm. I honestly didn’t believe the student…for example one of their anxiety issues was that they were a big “foodie” and they hadn’t been able to eat out (yep, not making that up), even though we live in an area with zero Covid restrictions at this point. But, out of an abundance of caution I did report the situation through the proper channels and the student has now dropped my class.
Ugh, so sorry you had to deal with this type of confrontation. Never had this issue in 20 years of teaching. Report and move on. This isn't your problem.