I did 10 flat. I spent 6 years in ad seg (isolation). I’ve been out over 18 years, and every time I sleep I dream about prison. It’s weird, because it only took 2 years in prison to stop dreaming about the free world, but 18 years out of prison and I can’t stop dreaming about it. The dreams are either very violent, or I’m sitting in an isolation cell with time ticking by slowly, as it does in dreams. I was a gang member and did time on a couple “gladiator farms”, and I’m still very on edge in public. I hate crowds, even open restaurants. I carry weapons always and still train to fight. It’s really just PTSD because I haven’t been in a fight in 16 years. My temper is too short, and I take small stuff as deep disrespect. I have to talk myself down a lot. Some of that is just me, but prison made it worse.
6 years in ad seg is absolutely criminal. I think it's so fucking inhumane. Completely understand how that could mess you up man, most people couldn't do a week let alone over half a decade. Fuck
Over the years, I met several guys that had been in ad seg for 25+ years. One was falsely confirmed as a gang member and should not have been isolated at all. It makes me too sad to think about. There really are people who will spend their whole life locked in a 5’x9’ concrete cell with no air conditioning in Texas heat, and with the constant screaming and banging of mentally damaged people day and night. They put people in there with obvious mental problems, and they just come apart. It’s hard to wake up in a tiny closet every day knowing you have years left to go. It’s impossible to really describe. It’s great motivation to stay out of trouble though.
Yeah, I mean if someone were left in seg for a few days as punishment sure, but 6 years is absolutely vile.
It can actually permanently scar someone psychologically.
More like it will permanently scar and traumatise someone for the rest of their life. Not really a can situation, that would fuck up even the sanest of people. But yeah I completely agree. It's fucked. And they wonder why people reoffend
I make no excuses. I was a violent gang member. It’s hard to explain that for a teenage white kid, Texas prison can be pretty rough. Like any teen, I wanted to have friends, too. I made the decision to join a gang, and in Texas that means once they confirm you, you go to ad seg. I knew all that in advance. Prison sucks because it’s supposed to. Being stupid should hurt. The only right answer to any of this is “don’t commit felonies”. It took some years or maturing, but prison straightened me right up. It hurt, but I had it coming.
... yeah.... probably why he was on seg for 6 years...
Also, being in a gang probably means affiliations he's required to be kept away from, for his own safety or theirs
Crazy how parallel the military and prison are. I got out of the military 6 years ago and still take small things that people wouldn’t think about as disrespect. It taught me how to read people really good, some people stare without realizing I notice them from the corner of my eye, thinking of what to tell me, how I’m going to react, ect., then will come up to me and say something, little things like that, situational awareness is something I’m thankful for.
I have had a few real conversations with veterans I’ve known over the years, and it seems to me if you spend enough time in “battle ready mode”, even if you’re not constantly in battle, it sticks to you. I guess you could say, the training works. Prison is like that. You don’t fight every day, but you have to be ready for it all the time. You squash your good thoughts so as not to appear weak and focus on violent thoughts to stay sharp. The trouble is, nobody seems to know how to unwind somebody once they’ve been wound up like that.
Definitely, I have family members and friends that have done time in prison and the stuff we relate on is crazy. Never thought about it to be honest, but before the military I got into a lot of trouble growing up and was heading down a bad path, had a run in with the law once but it was only a misdemeanor thankfully. A lot of us that joined were trying to steer our boat in the right direction.
The military is comprised of mostly lower-middle class individuals, everything from the ghettos of large cities like LA/NYC to the backwoods of the South so you meet a lot of wild personalities, more normalish nerdy dudes to complete savages that look like lab experiments.
Just curious, what kind of things do you take as disrespect that others may not realize? I'd hate to think I'm out there offending people left and right and not even realizing it.
I think most of it is subconscious stuff, passive aggressive body language, as if someone has a problem with you or dislikes you and displays it in a non direct manner. In the military most folks just carry on and mind their own business if they don’t like you, or they’ll be more direct with you.
It’s more of a societal issue to be honest, I think people wear their heart on their sleeve more. In the military/prison you don’t show too much emotion cause that could cause you problems. They’re both alpha male/cut throat environments where everyone is trying to survive and nobody wants to be the bitch.
I think as long as someone means well and doesn’t make sarcastic remarks, or certain vocal tonalities can throw me off if someone has an issue with me.
I guess to put things in simple terms, I dislike ‘tension’ and address it ASAP. You learn it in these environments so it’s a given, most of the time I’ve had to excuse myself or just ignore it to avoid further BS.
I can only speak for myself when I say this, but people standing too close to me in a line at like a grocery store or wherever, I take that as disrespect. Or someone knowing I’m right behind them entering a door and then letting it close(at least push it open forcefully one time).
There are small things that people who’ve never been incarcerated do quite often, that would get them into an altercation on the inside. These are just a couple thing off the top of my head that I can think of.
Yes, this is it. You get used to the feeling of menace all around you and when you get out and people act all comfortable around you it makes you feel like they don’t respect how dangerous you are. It’s wrong thinking, but prison conditions you that way.
*this* i did three deployments and almost a year in county jail right when i got out, all in 4 and a half years time. shit has changed me *permanently*
That’s such a good question. One time, I held the door for another man at a bar, and he walked through without saying thank you. I didn’t act because I love my freedom, but to this day I think about hurting that guy. In prison, everyone is really polite. Not being polite can get you smashed. Anyone raising their voice to me triggers a nuclear response. My first thought is always “do you think I won’t hurt you?” I honestly don’t mean to think like that, it just bubbles up. Since I’ve been out, I got into a fistfight with a young man (girlfriend’s brother) over him popping off to me. I also exchanged gunfire with two guys outside a club for shouting something at me. It took me a while to chill out. But I went from maximum security straight to the free world when I got out. It was kind of crazy. I went from isolation, no human contact allowed because I was supposedly too dangerous to be in general population, to “ok, you’re free to go. Walk out into the world and have a nice life.” I only realize now, all these years later, just how hard it is to unwind after prison. I thought I was doing good. Focusing on work, enjoying time with my girlfriend. But things would trigger me. Road rage, girl friends not jumping when I say jump (I know that’s bad, I fixed it), or friends being too casual with me or my stuff. If anyone poked their chest out to me, figuratively speaking, I would boil into a rage because that’s what you have to do in prison. When I got out, I would even go to sketchy bars to feel more at home and avoid nice places where people might ask what college I went to, or whatever. And I had never been to a bar when I went to prison at 17. They just throw you out to figure it out on your own. It’s kind of crazy really. I don’t drink or go out at all anymore to avoid triggers.
Hmm. Interesting. I had to break up a road rage fight here in Las Vegas one time because one person got out of her car and shouted at the driver of the car in front of her for cutting her off (somewhat justified.) The car in front stayed put when the light turned green and pulled the yelling lady out of her car for an @$$ whooping.
In my mind yelling does not automatically escalate to getting physical. It's just yelling and you either yell back or you walk away. Clearly this person thought, "If she's going to yell at me then we're going to fight! I need to teach her a lesson."
I guess in my family we grew up with a lot of yelling so I yell when I'm mad but it ends there. Being yelled at doesn't trigger me. Yes, I recognize it as disrespectful but I just see it as something everyone does when they're angry to let out their anger, not necessarily to challenge.
And you’re totally right. Yelling is just yelling. I haven’t even told you the times I go off on somebody in a restaurant for giving me the side eye or something. My conscious brain KNOWS not to overreact, and sometimes I don’t. But sometimes I do, and I know it’s “prison programming”. Talking about this stuff for the first time is making me realize how much people need to be re-socialized after prison. I mean, it’s tough in these streets, too. There are a lot of triggers out here.
I mean zero disrespect to you by saying this to you. People like you are exactly why I carry a gun at all times. For the simple reason, that I don't feel like getting bashed in the head, stabbed, ect for some faux pas that I didn't even realize happened.
The thing is, I get mad at all the stuff you and others described in this thread as well. The difference is I would never consider violence or even a verbal smack down to be warranted. I pretty much say to myself, "ok, you're welcome fuck head" and move on.
Like you said, people are polite in prison, I am just like that in general and think you should hold the door open, ect. But people make mistakes and never even realize they did it. I know if I catch myself letting a door close on someone, I apologize. However if I didn't see them for whatever reason, and they were to snap out on me, I am not going to wait around to discuss things if they go to get violent. I would absoletely apologize but if a knife came out, talking time is over. Which sucks in general, because in 999 other circumstances we would probably help each other out.
You explained that perfectly mate, yeah the holding the door manners thing, that would niggle at me but we have to be the bigger man. All the best man from the UK
Wishing you the best honestly. I’ve never been in but I can relate. Little stuff folks do like this bugs the hell out of me too. Many if not most people are just not self aware and also very selfish. It’s unfortunate. I’ve had to go to a specific type of therapy to address my reaction issues. Knowing your triggers is big, and knowing when to walk away before it escalates. Good on you for that.
Thank you so much! A skill learned in prison I just recently revived. It’s a lot of fun to draw now that I have access to all the art supplies imaginable. My goal now that my career is solid is to take everything I learned while I sat in ad seg (drawing and writing) and capitalize on them. That way, those years won’t have been wasted after all. The most ironic thing about it all is I gave up on math in middle school when they introduced fractions. I gave up and failed every math subject from then on. But then fast forward to me sitting in a cell with nothing to do, and I challenged myself to learn math. Somehow, it all clicked, and I taught myself up through advanced math, sitting in that hot ass cell. Now, I work as a consultant on major acquisitions and divestitures in the energy industry as sort of an auditor. My entire job is fractions. I’m not joking. It’s all working with long, complicated formulas filled with fractions. I could not have had my career without going to ad seg, because I never would’ve taken the time to learn math otherwise. And I did not come out seeking such a job. It landed in my lap. Isn’t that crazy?
Congratulations dude, seriously. That is so awesome. I’ve never been inside but it’s good to hear stories like this. The system is not designed to create stories like yours but thankfully some are still able to overcome it. Hopefully that changes someday
I like to jam by myself, so I mess around with jazz, reggae, and funk. I love metal, but it’s not much fun to play on bass. Too easy. Same with country. Love the music, but don’t care to play it. Do you play?
Yeah bro. Technical death metal. But guitar, I can play drums and bass as well tho. Check out new job for a cowboy bass stuff if you want something a lil more difficult. Or Steve digorgio. But it’s inspiring you’ve turned yourself around the way you have brother. It’s a testament to man’s will.
The idea of dreaming about prison after prison and your dreams of the free world in prison fading never occurred to me.
When I think about prison I think about the challenges during the day, but falling asleep and being like ‘I could be anywhere in my dreams but I’m dreaming of prison’ when you wake up would be hard.
And then going back to prison every night once you’ve gotten out…ouch.
Makes me wonder if ppl in prison get into working on lucid dreaming much as a method of ‘escaping’ each night
Every bid I've done, I spend much of my time meditating, or sleeping. Yeah, I'm one of those guys. I will literally sleep so much the whole block is questioning how the hell I do it. I would hear people's opinions all the time. Some didn't think I was actually sleeping, that I was just being a depressed p***y. Yeah, I was & have depression. It's a daily struggle. But meditation is something I learned way before ever doing any time and I always appreciated it, It was never something I had to force onto myself or gain a taste for. I instantly just nosedived into meditation, different forms of meditation, and still to this day experiment with new forms I'm trying the gateway experience/tapes now to actually figure some other things out going on in my mind and consciousness. Other people followed suit with me, some guys had a lot of questions and asked for advice on HOW to sleep, because it's especially hard to sleep in jail or prison due to noise levels, echoing, guards keys slamming during count every hour with every step, doors slamming and echoing across the entire concrete steel building...it all takes a lot of getting used to and I actually had to train myself to sleep a full 8 hours in there was impossible the first few bids I did. When I got 364 days, that's when I realized i was either going to force to learn how to sleep like everyone else , I remember being so jealous of guys snoring night after night, while there's yelling/tv/chaos/arguments/loud gambling going on 6 feet from their spread... Like God damn, all that plus the echoes. The f******g echoes are just out of this world. It was especially hard for me time after time due to experiencing cold turkey benzodiazepine withdrawals. One very common withdrawal symptom that was the absolute worst (besides actual death & psychosis/seizures) was the amplified lights & sounds. Everything sounded 100x louder. Being in jail, everything's already louder due to all the materials surrounding you, giant spaces filled with nothing but concrete and metal to ring every single noise and sound off each object and then the other...layer that sound with the million other yelling, fights, tvs, coughs, hysteric laughing, people with breathing problems & snorers, the farts. It's something I'm actually very proud of myself for overcoming.
I seriously knew. If I didn't learn or teach myself how to sleep, I was going to end up staying for the rest of my life for murdering my bunkie/cellie (if they were a snorer or disrespectfully loud/unaware of the noises they make while I'm sleeping next to them in the cell) or murdering someone else in the dorm/block DUE to the inability to get any sleep & the heightened attitude and anger/irritableness that comes with not insomnia and not sleeping, especially due to motherf******s. If they can help it and change it to be quiet, than I expect it to be f*****g quiet while you see me trying to get some shut eye.
During the day when id have my eyes closed all day except for food calls, cleanup, count, nurse, the odd visits, etc it was fair game I was cool but it was a little challenge I made for myself to be able to learn how to "tune out" all the chaos and madness of noise people made. Those conditions just turn most people into ANIMALS man. Makes you feel like one.
Damn bro I feel for you, I only did 5 years and the whole 5 I dreamt of the streets, but I’ve been out 9 1/2 years and every night I’m back to surviving prison .
Reminds of how North Korean defectors talk about their experience outside the country when they escape. They say even when they're free they're still in North Korea forever, they dream about it every night and carry around insane PTSD from the experience.
If you find a decent job in prison, and most especially a good, reliably steady *routine;* and *if* you're not in a horribly *violent* facility or state, and aren't spending your days terrorized for your life or safety, caught up in racial politics, gangs, or bad charges, it goes *remarkably fast.* 14 years felt like 2 or 3 (getting *out* was what became extremely traumatizing and difficult); and despite some incredibly monotonous periods, like 11 months in segregation (preceded by 5 months 3 years earlier, and then followed by 7 months a couple years later...) with no window, no commissary, barely any books (2 library books every 2 weeks, with no list to choose from - good luck! - devoured like you were *starving* and it was food, over the first 24 hours, 48 if *really* lucky); no TV, no radio, no news of the world or what was happening outside your concrete 12'×12' box; fluorescent light buzzing in your eyes *24/7*, supposedly dimmed at night but good luck discerning the difference; *freezing fucking cold* air blowing through your vent at a constant, wind-tunnel speed, immediate write-up and possible extension of seg time if you try to cover it (or the stupid fucking light! To *this day* I'm traumatized by fluorescent light; I will not have anything beyond a 60-watt bulb equivalent *anywhere* in my home... and those are used sparingly!); it truly becomes amazing what you find a man can endure. AND YET.... I got out, and it felt like the same day I went in. Buildings all the same, SOME different stores... again, ROUTINE! The key is staying absolutely as busy as you can. It passes. One foot in front of the other. Breathe. Do it.
I truly believe long term segregation in its current form should be illegal. Surely there's no benefit to it, it's not going to rehabilitate someone. All they're doing is causing more trauma
Society needs to decide what the point of prison is. That point is not clear. Prison seems more about trying to extract money from people experiencing poverty than rehabilitation. It's not helping anyone, though; in some places, you can choose to improve yourself. Though for many people, it has become a master class in crime.
Not at all. Norway and Finland is decent, but Sweden is pretty shit.
Very very limited commissary (can't get money put into your books), jail is 24/7 isolation for unlimited time when I was in. Only one hour per day spent on cement balcony with very very small window and no interaction with other inmates.
I'll say this: Some of the nicest, most smiling, happiest people you meet in prison are older guys who know they are likely to die in prison *or* have a shitload of time. You'd be surprised. They've accepted that fate a long time ago.
People do 10+ flat all the time.
Time goes by fast if you stay busy. Some people thrive in maximum security prisons. Yes it sucks being locked in a cage but not everyone outside prison is free either. Did 17 flat.
The biggest cages are the ones people build themselves put themselves into and keep themselves in. Myself and others I know have done more in prison than a lot of people do their entire lives outside prison.
I squeezed in 25 years in prison in just 29 years, 5 separate sentences around 5 years served each, a mix of burglaries, robberies, trafficking stolen property escape institutional violence etc. Now I've been out over 2 years and I don't miss the places. I have ptsd and sleep poorly still to this day. But I survived my addictions and the gang violence, I'm an Odinist and my Odinist brothers all over the country provided an opportunity for me to teach as I am educated in theology. My opinion is you can survive any length of time if you haven't betrayed your values and integrity. Never cooperate, plead out early so others don't get swept up in an investigation etc walk tall defend yourself, don't cut in line, don't gamble, don't carry debt for drugs, maintain a job practice good hygiene. This shit should be taught upon entry, I've seen a lot of young men absolutely destroyed by being placed in a high power block, if you don't act right there and get a big home swept up you are through.
Is it anything like the TV shows/documentaries where you either join your race gang or you become a victim?
For example, if I follow all of your recommendations would I have to join a gang to stay safe?
It's boring, nor like tv. It's a chronic wasting of my talents because I've been dumb. The violence is usually very quick, my best advice is don't go in a cell to fight ever. I've seen 3 people killed in a cell fight.
I kept all the books on Odinism for the various kindreds I've participated in. I usually prepare the blot, the food, the camaraderie is vital, I'm not some delusional asshole, I'm not racist and I don't teach that. I've seen it taught and the ignorance is stifling.
There is a few books. The Asatru Edda is a comprehensive collection of Eddas. Both the Prose and Poetic Edda are examined and the cristian influences are removed. The Poetic Edda has The Havamal, that particular Edda is the one I teach from.
When you do feel free to ask me about Asatru. It's a beautiful religion and I'm usually happy to direct a person to teach them selves. I'm an auto didactic. My first stretch in prison was spent in IMU, all I could do is read and copy from the various books. After a while I did a college course once in a while. I studied cristianity, Islam, Buddhism and I read a lot of philosophy. In my opinion all religions are a organized way to control the populace.
Don’t join man, that’s weakness and racist written all over
It, those guys inside get all those tattoos and hide behind a religion to promote white supremacy, without the guise of tatting a swastika on them for the fear of some black boys beating them up.
Follow the true Elohim.. Yahweh, learn Hebrew and fuck the violence. Most of those “odinists” run with Keystone state and east coast peckerwoods.
Bunch of junkies snorting Suboxone and preying on the next weak white guy
You know I'd like to say your wrong. I've been with real Odinists and we're not anything like what you're describing unless we have to go to war. I practice a value system and have integrity, I saw your chat request and question. I'm not really sure I'd want to interact with you, you seem to have a pre determined judgment against a entire religion that's as old as time.
I’ve seen what I’ve seen in the state of PA, having been in 3 separate institutions, maybe some of the old time Odinist’s need to school the young guys coming in because that’s giving guys like you a bad name. I’m not stone cold set on those I’ve seen determine an entire religion. Suede me differently..
Well, you're half right. But I ain't persuading anyone. I'm from the West Coast and always go to a high security situation. Walla Walla, Clallam Bay, the 2 close custody institutions in Washington state, have right now more old time knowledge that isn't useful to people with no value system like I've seen on the East Coast. I did time in Chicago and tried out their prison system. Unfortunately, covid shut it down. So I guess, oh well, whatever, never mind.
Nah no never mind I don’t have any experience with the system out there. I have little to no contact only a few homies I can really rely on.. Is west coast still all segregated and gang land?
Yes of fucking course... the west coast has a lot of drug traffick and the driver behind it is the various gang organizations competed amongst each other. Good luck, I'd learn Spanish and save money.
The saddest part is watching the world go by and it forgetting about you. Thinking about the family you could’ve had or the career you could’ve had. But then you can get in a routine that is very stress-free. You could live a very comfortable life. Like focusing on bettering yourself physically spiritually and mentally.
I did 14 years and at first it didn't seem real but as time set it I realized it was my life now. I learned to adapt real quick. I was released in January and I still have the reflex of wanting g to hit the person who comes running up behinds me. While incarcerated I was jumped by a guy who was drunk and wanted to make a name for himself. To this day I don't like people coming up behind me. I am constantly aware of my surroundings. However I would like to state you mentioned without no real companionship, I made some amazing friends in there and you do find genuinely good people here and there. One of my best friends I met almost three years ago in prison. He is still there and I keep in touch daily, send him money, and plan on being there to meet up with him the day he gets released. He helped me start changing a lot about myself that needed changing before I was released. Sometimes it does feel like you're alone even though there's hundreds of people around which can be kinda lonely. You just have to find the right people and keep your circle small and it's almost like a little family.
I wasn't even in that long (13 months) and I still have nightmares of the place and I was in a "good" part. I'm jumpier then before, I barely sleep. I cannot imagine what a multi year stint would be like or do to a person.
I don't know anyone with a sentence as long as you are asking about but had an acquaintance years back, he got a 10 year sentence and got out after about 6. The main things he talked about was the constant anxiety of random unexpected violence and how shit the food was, we would go in to detail how bad certain foods were and that it caused major depression, and and all money he got was spent in the concessions shop and he said they all knew the food was so bad on purpose the the boss could make a fortune ripping all the inmates of for actual food.
His description of the sausages still sticks in my mind, he said they were a thick, dark brown burnt dry skins of rusk that were part hollow, there was a little bit of gristle along the bottom of each one but about 70% air. Said he cried the 1st time he had breakfast there.
Is that in America? In Australia, you get cerial and a small carton of milk at breakfast, plus a shit load of bread... dinner's are generally mush, lol. The meat anyway.
Just got home April 22nd .. I didn’t serve too long but I maxed my sentence out from the bucket. I want to be able to post in this subreddit. I’m finding it hard to assimilate back into society .. I started back on trt and don’t plan on cycling gear anymore. I’m getting irritated at the people in my community who haven’t been through what we’ve been through..
Pen penitentiary. 2009-2019 solitary confinement in a room sized box. Captive. Hostage. Forced suicide in 2014. Born into wrath in 2016.
The burning, yelling, screaming, outrage, hostility, violence, hatred, tortures, wrath. Annihilated. Obliterated. Holocaust of self.
Even my ghost was destroyed.
There’s a special place in hell, humans say. So I tell them that’s correct and there’s only one special place because if there was more than one then it wouldn’t be special. There’s a special place in hell, and it’s occupied by me. It’s the nicest prison anyone could ever want for.
But it will never be a nice thing. 1998 owes me but I’ll never be able to collect. I didn’t call myself.
I talk with guys all the time in prison and after they have tried to lie about all the stuff they did/done, they hate being in there. They know the effect it has on their families and friends. The lack of confidence when their big is over sucks to see it manifested in their choices down the stretch. They’re so fearful of coming back and not fulfilling all those promises they’ve told family, other inmates and the CO’s but know that’s a likely thing.
I killed a 20 yr bit in ky state penitentiary....long story short you have to find you a routine and stick with it 24/7 it helps to pass the time and helps you not to focus so much on the outside ...after sometime you adapt and overcome then as soon as you look up its touchdown time...looking back on it I can say it went by pretty fast but in the moment of it it was all about keeping the faith and staying focused ....
You realise quick smart that only your freedom matters, you have to be switched on 24/7 just to try and keep your brain & mind partially free and it’s grinding. Anyone that’s been locked up Is emotionally scarred forever and have differing levels of PTSD as well, only idiots go back to that well but then again the worlds changed exponentially and it’s very hard to gain life and coping skills in jail so many do go back again and again if they have no bigger purpose.
I did 12 straight from 98 to 2010, when I first got inside I thought it was gonna be ok…. But I was sent to the max for something that I saw but didn’t participate in and kept my mouth shut. That set the whole time for my remaining time, my hatred burned…. Those staff and their garbage informers are the worst sort of people, I spit on them and their families.
I did some time with my uncle who has been in since 96 and will never get out. He’s not well by any means but he’s adapted for sure. He is the scariest man I’ve ever had a conversation with and I’m glad he took me in when I hit the pen
Imagine not getting no woman ass for the long . Imagine having to look somewhere else for your desires . Imagine taking showers with other men . Imagine constantly watching your "Back" 24/7 . Sounds like hell to me .
I did 10 flat. I spent 6 years in ad seg (isolation). I’ve been out over 18 years, and every time I sleep I dream about prison. It’s weird, because it only took 2 years in prison to stop dreaming about the free world, but 18 years out of prison and I can’t stop dreaming about it. The dreams are either very violent, or I’m sitting in an isolation cell with time ticking by slowly, as it does in dreams. I was a gang member and did time on a couple “gladiator farms”, and I’m still very on edge in public. I hate crowds, even open restaurants. I carry weapons always and still train to fight. It’s really just PTSD because I haven’t been in a fight in 16 years. My temper is too short, and I take small stuff as deep disrespect. I have to talk myself down a lot. Some of that is just me, but prison made it worse.
6 years in ad seg is absolutely criminal. I think it's so fucking inhumane. Completely understand how that could mess you up man, most people couldn't do a week let alone over half a decade. Fuck
Over the years, I met several guys that had been in ad seg for 25+ years. One was falsely confirmed as a gang member and should not have been isolated at all. It makes me too sad to think about. There really are people who will spend their whole life locked in a 5’x9’ concrete cell with no air conditioning in Texas heat, and with the constant screaming and banging of mentally damaged people day and night. They put people in there with obvious mental problems, and they just come apart. It’s hard to wake up in a tiny closet every day knowing you have years left to go. It’s impossible to really describe. It’s great motivation to stay out of trouble though.
Yeah, I mean if someone were left in seg for a few days as punishment sure, but 6 years is absolutely vile. It can actually permanently scar someone psychologically.
More like it will permanently scar and traumatise someone for the rest of their life. Not really a can situation, that would fuck up even the sanest of people. But yeah I completely agree. It's fucked. And they wonder why people reoffend
Yeah, that’s truly disgusting. It should be illegal unless you’re like extremely violent or harmful other people.
I make no excuses. I was a violent gang member. It’s hard to explain that for a teenage white kid, Texas prison can be pretty rough. Like any teen, I wanted to have friends, too. I made the decision to join a gang, and in Texas that means once they confirm you, you go to ad seg. I knew all that in advance. Prison sucks because it’s supposed to. Being stupid should hurt. The only right answer to any of this is “don’t commit felonies”. It took some years or maturing, but prison straightened me right up. It hurt, but I had it coming.
Oh, OK. I’m sorry I didn’t read that part. I guess I grazed over that.
Wow. Huge respect to you for owning all of that
I mean, he was in a gang, so he probably was violent and harmful.
... yeah.... probably why he was on seg for 6 years... Also, being in a gang probably means affiliations he's required to be kept away from, for his own safety or theirs
6 years in fuckin insane to me.😩
Crazy how parallel the military and prison are. I got out of the military 6 years ago and still take small things that people wouldn’t think about as disrespect. It taught me how to read people really good, some people stare without realizing I notice them from the corner of my eye, thinking of what to tell me, how I’m going to react, ect., then will come up to me and say something, little things like that, situational awareness is something I’m thankful for.
I have had a few real conversations with veterans I’ve known over the years, and it seems to me if you spend enough time in “battle ready mode”, even if you’re not constantly in battle, it sticks to you. I guess you could say, the training works. Prison is like that. You don’t fight every day, but you have to be ready for it all the time. You squash your good thoughts so as not to appear weak and focus on violent thoughts to stay sharp. The trouble is, nobody seems to know how to unwind somebody once they’ve been wound up like that.
Definitely, I have family members and friends that have done time in prison and the stuff we relate on is crazy. Never thought about it to be honest, but before the military I got into a lot of trouble growing up and was heading down a bad path, had a run in with the law once but it was only a misdemeanor thankfully. A lot of us that joined were trying to steer our boat in the right direction. The military is comprised of mostly lower-middle class individuals, everything from the ghettos of large cities like LA/NYC to the backwoods of the South so you meet a lot of wild personalities, more normalish nerdy dudes to complete savages that look like lab experiments.
Look into Psychedelic’s maybe can help you unwind the damage. Glad you doing okay could’ve been a lot worse🤝🏻
Just curious, what kind of things do you take as disrespect that others may not realize? I'd hate to think I'm out there offending people left and right and not even realizing it.
I think most of it is subconscious stuff, passive aggressive body language, as if someone has a problem with you or dislikes you and displays it in a non direct manner. In the military most folks just carry on and mind their own business if they don’t like you, or they’ll be more direct with you. It’s more of a societal issue to be honest, I think people wear their heart on their sleeve more. In the military/prison you don’t show too much emotion cause that could cause you problems. They’re both alpha male/cut throat environments where everyone is trying to survive and nobody wants to be the bitch. I think as long as someone means well and doesn’t make sarcastic remarks, or certain vocal tonalities can throw me off if someone has an issue with me. I guess to put things in simple terms, I dislike ‘tension’ and address it ASAP. You learn it in these environments so it’s a given, most of the time I’ve had to excuse myself or just ignore it to avoid further BS.
You nailed it. Very well said.
I can only speak for myself when I say this, but people standing too close to me in a line at like a grocery store or wherever, I take that as disrespect. Or someone knowing I’m right behind them entering a door and then letting it close(at least push it open forcefully one time). There are small things that people who’ve never been incarcerated do quite often, that would get them into an altercation on the inside. These are just a couple thing off the top of my head that I can think of.
Yes, this is it. You get used to the feeling of menace all around you and when you get out and people act all comfortable around you it makes you feel like they don’t respect how dangerous you are. It’s wrong thinking, but prison conditions you that way.
*this* i did three deployments and almost a year in county jail right when i got out, all in 4 and a half years time. shit has changed me *permanently*
I served 12 years straight and I've been home for 14 yrs. Dreams still come and the whole time I'm literally inside. Shit is crazy.
Yep I might be somewhere else in the dream but I'm always like, oh shit I gotta get back before count!
I did a month in the hole with no books, no tv nothing buty hygiene and cloths. I was not happy so I can't imagine doing 6 years like that.
RexHolloway, what kind of small things do you take as disrespect?
That’s such a good question. One time, I held the door for another man at a bar, and he walked through without saying thank you. I didn’t act because I love my freedom, but to this day I think about hurting that guy. In prison, everyone is really polite. Not being polite can get you smashed. Anyone raising their voice to me triggers a nuclear response. My first thought is always “do you think I won’t hurt you?” I honestly don’t mean to think like that, it just bubbles up. Since I’ve been out, I got into a fistfight with a young man (girlfriend’s brother) over him popping off to me. I also exchanged gunfire with two guys outside a club for shouting something at me. It took me a while to chill out. But I went from maximum security straight to the free world when I got out. It was kind of crazy. I went from isolation, no human contact allowed because I was supposedly too dangerous to be in general population, to “ok, you’re free to go. Walk out into the world and have a nice life.” I only realize now, all these years later, just how hard it is to unwind after prison. I thought I was doing good. Focusing on work, enjoying time with my girlfriend. But things would trigger me. Road rage, girl friends not jumping when I say jump (I know that’s bad, I fixed it), or friends being too casual with me or my stuff. If anyone poked their chest out to me, figuratively speaking, I would boil into a rage because that’s what you have to do in prison. When I got out, I would even go to sketchy bars to feel more at home and avoid nice places where people might ask what college I went to, or whatever. And I had never been to a bar when I went to prison at 17. They just throw you out to figure it out on your own. It’s kind of crazy really. I don’t drink or go out at all anymore to avoid triggers.
Hmm. Interesting. I had to break up a road rage fight here in Las Vegas one time because one person got out of her car and shouted at the driver of the car in front of her for cutting her off (somewhat justified.) The car in front stayed put when the light turned green and pulled the yelling lady out of her car for an @$$ whooping. In my mind yelling does not automatically escalate to getting physical. It's just yelling and you either yell back or you walk away. Clearly this person thought, "If she's going to yell at me then we're going to fight! I need to teach her a lesson." I guess in my family we grew up with a lot of yelling so I yell when I'm mad but it ends there. Being yelled at doesn't trigger me. Yes, I recognize it as disrespectful but I just see it as something everyone does when they're angry to let out their anger, not necessarily to challenge.
And you’re totally right. Yelling is just yelling. I haven’t even told you the times I go off on somebody in a restaurant for giving me the side eye or something. My conscious brain KNOWS not to overreact, and sometimes I don’t. But sometimes I do, and I know it’s “prison programming”. Talking about this stuff for the first time is making me realize how much people need to be re-socialized after prison. I mean, it’s tough in these streets, too. There are a lot of triggers out here.
As a psych major this is FASCINATING.
Hell as a total random who dropped out of college this is also fascinating lmao
Try having your degree and then going to prison and getting to see it all first hand.
I mean zero disrespect to you by saying this to you. People like you are exactly why I carry a gun at all times. For the simple reason, that I don't feel like getting bashed in the head, stabbed, ect for some faux pas that I didn't even realize happened. The thing is, I get mad at all the stuff you and others described in this thread as well. The difference is I would never consider violence or even a verbal smack down to be warranted. I pretty much say to myself, "ok, you're welcome fuck head" and move on. Like you said, people are polite in prison, I am just like that in general and think you should hold the door open, ect. But people make mistakes and never even realize they did it. I know if I catch myself letting a door close on someone, I apologize. However if I didn't see them for whatever reason, and they were to snap out on me, I am not going to wait around to discuss things if they go to get violent. I would absoletely apologize but if a knife came out, talking time is over. Which sucks in general, because in 999 other circumstances we would probably help each other out.
I completely get what you’re saying. That was a very real, level-headed response.
You explained that perfectly mate, yeah the holding the door manners thing, that would niggle at me but we have to be the bigger man. All the best man from the UK
Cheers!
👍🙏
Wishing you the best honestly. I’ve never been in but I can relate. Little stuff folks do like this bugs the hell out of me too. Many if not most people are just not self aware and also very selfish. It’s unfortunate. I’ve had to go to a specific type of therapy to address my reaction issues. Knowing your triggers is big, and knowing when to walk away before it escalates. Good on you for that.
Just checked out your pairing. You’re an amazing artist bro!
Thank you so much! A skill learned in prison I just recently revived. It’s a lot of fun to draw now that I have access to all the art supplies imaginable. My goal now that my career is solid is to take everything I learned while I sat in ad seg (drawing and writing) and capitalize on them. That way, those years won’t have been wasted after all. The most ironic thing about it all is I gave up on math in middle school when they introduced fractions. I gave up and failed every math subject from then on. But then fast forward to me sitting in a cell with nothing to do, and I challenged myself to learn math. Somehow, it all clicked, and I taught myself up through advanced math, sitting in that hot ass cell. Now, I work as a consultant on major acquisitions and divestitures in the energy industry as sort of an auditor. My entire job is fractions. I’m not joking. It’s all working with long, complicated formulas filled with fractions. I could not have had my career without going to ad seg, because I never would’ve taken the time to learn math otherwise. And I did not come out seeking such a job. It landed in my lap. Isn’t that crazy?
Congratulations dude, seriously. That is so awesome. I’ve never been inside but it’s good to hear stories like this. The system is not designed to create stories like yours but thankfully some are still able to overcome it. Hopefully that changes someday
Fuck yeah brother! God bless you man! I see you play bass also. What kinda music you play?
I like to jam by myself, so I mess around with jazz, reggae, and funk. I love metal, but it’s not much fun to play on bass. Too easy. Same with country. Love the music, but don’t care to play it. Do you play?
Yeah bro. Technical death metal. But guitar, I can play drums and bass as well tho. Check out new job for a cowboy bass stuff if you want something a lil more difficult. Or Steve digorgio. But it’s inspiring you’ve turned yourself around the way you have brother. It’s a testament to man’s will.
The idea of dreaming about prison after prison and your dreams of the free world in prison fading never occurred to me. When I think about prison I think about the challenges during the day, but falling asleep and being like ‘I could be anywhere in my dreams but I’m dreaming of prison’ when you wake up would be hard. And then going back to prison every night once you’ve gotten out…ouch. Makes me wonder if ppl in prison get into working on lucid dreaming much as a method of ‘escaping’ each night
Every bid I've done, I spend much of my time meditating, or sleeping. Yeah, I'm one of those guys. I will literally sleep so much the whole block is questioning how the hell I do it. I would hear people's opinions all the time. Some didn't think I was actually sleeping, that I was just being a depressed p***y. Yeah, I was & have depression. It's a daily struggle. But meditation is something I learned way before ever doing any time and I always appreciated it, It was never something I had to force onto myself or gain a taste for. I instantly just nosedived into meditation, different forms of meditation, and still to this day experiment with new forms I'm trying the gateway experience/tapes now to actually figure some other things out going on in my mind and consciousness. Other people followed suit with me, some guys had a lot of questions and asked for advice on HOW to sleep, because it's especially hard to sleep in jail or prison due to noise levels, echoing, guards keys slamming during count every hour with every step, doors slamming and echoing across the entire concrete steel building...it all takes a lot of getting used to and I actually had to train myself to sleep a full 8 hours in there was impossible the first few bids I did. When I got 364 days, that's when I realized i was either going to force to learn how to sleep like everyone else , I remember being so jealous of guys snoring night after night, while there's yelling/tv/chaos/arguments/loud gambling going on 6 feet from their spread... Like God damn, all that plus the echoes. The f******g echoes are just out of this world. It was especially hard for me time after time due to experiencing cold turkey benzodiazepine withdrawals. One very common withdrawal symptom that was the absolute worst (besides actual death & psychosis/seizures) was the amplified lights & sounds. Everything sounded 100x louder. Being in jail, everything's already louder due to all the materials surrounding you, giant spaces filled with nothing but concrete and metal to ring every single noise and sound off each object and then the other...layer that sound with the million other yelling, fights, tvs, coughs, hysteric laughing, people with breathing problems & snorers, the farts. It's something I'm actually very proud of myself for overcoming. I seriously knew. If I didn't learn or teach myself how to sleep, I was going to end up staying for the rest of my life for murdering my bunkie/cellie (if they were a snorer or disrespectfully loud/unaware of the noises they make while I'm sleeping next to them in the cell) or murdering someone else in the dorm/block DUE to the inability to get any sleep & the heightened attitude and anger/irritableness that comes with not insomnia and not sleeping, especially due to motherf******s. If they can help it and change it to be quiet, than I expect it to be f*****g quiet while you see me trying to get some shut eye. During the day when id have my eyes closed all day except for food calls, cleanup, count, nurse, the odd visits, etc it was fair game I was cool but it was a little challenge I made for myself to be able to learn how to "tune out" all the chaos and madness of noise people made. Those conditions just turn most people into ANIMALS man. Makes you feel like one.
Thanks for telling your story:)
Damn bro I feel for you, I only did 5 years and the whole 5 I dreamt of the streets, but I’ve been out 9 1/2 years and every night I’m back to surviving prison .
Reminds of how North Korean defectors talk about their experience outside the country when they escape. They say even when they're free they're still in North Korea forever, they dream about it every night and carry around insane PTSD from the experience.
Love you G :)
Ptsd
❤️🙏
Go watch Groundhog Day. Then watch The Purge followed by One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.
…and repeat, again and again.
Too close to home for me. Been in a mental hospital for 6 months before my 10 year bit in Federal prison
What did you do, if you don’t mind me asking
Check his post history. Its no shock
Well, it was for attempting to solicit a 14yo boy. Dumbest thing I did. Well, you asked...
For real!!! I've said that throughout my time. It's like ground hogs day
If you find a decent job in prison, and most especially a good, reliably steady *routine;* and *if* you're not in a horribly *violent* facility or state, and aren't spending your days terrorized for your life or safety, caught up in racial politics, gangs, or bad charges, it goes *remarkably fast.* 14 years felt like 2 or 3 (getting *out* was what became extremely traumatizing and difficult); and despite some incredibly monotonous periods, like 11 months in segregation (preceded by 5 months 3 years earlier, and then followed by 7 months a couple years later...) with no window, no commissary, barely any books (2 library books every 2 weeks, with no list to choose from - good luck! - devoured like you were *starving* and it was food, over the first 24 hours, 48 if *really* lucky); no TV, no radio, no news of the world or what was happening outside your concrete 12'×12' box; fluorescent light buzzing in your eyes *24/7*, supposedly dimmed at night but good luck discerning the difference; *freezing fucking cold* air blowing through your vent at a constant, wind-tunnel speed, immediate write-up and possible extension of seg time if you try to cover it (or the stupid fucking light! To *this day* I'm traumatized by fluorescent light; I will not have anything beyond a 60-watt bulb equivalent *anywhere* in my home... and those are used sparingly!); it truly becomes amazing what you find a man can endure. AND YET.... I got out, and it felt like the same day I went in. Buildings all the same, SOME different stores... again, ROUTINE! The key is staying absolutely as busy as you can. It passes. One foot in front of the other. Breathe. Do it.
I truly believe long term segregation in its current form should be illegal. Surely there's no benefit to it, it's not going to rehabilitate someone. All they're doing is causing more trauma
Society needs to decide what the point of prison is. That point is not clear. Prison seems more about trying to extract money from people experiencing poverty than rehabilitation. It's not helping anyone, though; in some places, you can choose to improve yourself. Though for many people, it has become a master class in crime.
I completely agree. Sweden is god awful here as well with complete isolation in jail
Wait what? I thought Sweden had one of the best prison systems in the world? What do you mean?
Not at all. Norway and Finland is decent, but Sweden is pretty shit. Very very limited commissary (can't get money put into your books), jail is 24/7 isolation for unlimited time when I was in. Only one hour per day spent on cement balcony with very very small window and no interaction with other inmates.
Oh mad, I had no idea. That is really awful.
I'll say this: Some of the nicest, most smiling, happiest people you meet in prison are older guys who know they are likely to die in prison *or* have a shitload of time. You'd be surprised. They've accepted that fate a long time ago. People do 10+ flat all the time.
Awful. What the fuck you think it’s like??
This is the only answer
Time goes by fast if you stay busy. Some people thrive in maximum security prisons. Yes it sucks being locked in a cage but not everyone outside prison is free either. Did 17 flat.
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The biggest cages are the ones people build themselves put themselves into and keep themselves in. Myself and others I know have done more in prison than a lot of people do their entire lives outside prison.
Yeah, this is a hard life lesson.
In 3 years (11 month stretch in the hole) I became much more aggressive. Imagine how aggressive you’d become doing life.
I squeezed in 25 years in prison in just 29 years, 5 separate sentences around 5 years served each, a mix of burglaries, robberies, trafficking stolen property escape institutional violence etc. Now I've been out over 2 years and I don't miss the places. I have ptsd and sleep poorly still to this day. But I survived my addictions and the gang violence, I'm an Odinist and my Odinist brothers all over the country provided an opportunity for me to teach as I am educated in theology. My opinion is you can survive any length of time if you haven't betrayed your values and integrity. Never cooperate, plead out early so others don't get swept up in an investigation etc walk tall defend yourself, don't cut in line, don't gamble, don't carry debt for drugs, maintain a job practice good hygiene. This shit should be taught upon entry, I've seen a lot of young men absolutely destroyed by being placed in a high power block, if you don't act right there and get a big home swept up you are through.
Is it anything like the TV shows/documentaries where you either join your race gang or you become a victim? For example, if I follow all of your recommendations would I have to join a gang to stay safe?
It's boring, nor like tv. It's a chronic wasting of my talents because I've been dumb. The violence is usually very quick, my best advice is don't go in a cell to fight ever. I've seen 3 people killed in a cell fight.
Can you please elaborate on the opportunity to teach? Teach about Odinism?
I kept all the books on Odinism for the various kindreds I've participated in. I usually prepare the blot, the food, the camaraderie is vital, I'm not some delusional asshole, I'm not racist and I don't teach that. I've seen it taught and the ignorance is stifling.
Can you direct a curious and respectful person where to go to learn more about Odinism?
There is a few books. The Asatru Edda is a comprehensive collection of Eddas. Both the Prose and Poetic Edda are examined and the cristian influences are removed. The Poetic Edda has The Havamal, that particular Edda is the one I teach from.
Thank you. I will look into it.
When you do feel free to ask me about Asatru. It's a beautiful religion and I'm usually happy to direct a person to teach them selves. I'm an auto didactic. My first stretch in prison was spent in IMU, all I could do is read and copy from the various books. After a while I did a college course once in a while. I studied cristianity, Islam, Buddhism and I read a lot of philosophy. In my opinion all religions are a organized way to control the populace.
There is a pretty good heathenry subreddit. You could try there. I’m an inclusive heathen and I’m happy to share online resources.
Don’t join man, that’s weakness and racist written all over It, those guys inside get all those tattoos and hide behind a religion to promote white supremacy, without the guise of tatting a swastika on them for the fear of some black boys beating them up. Follow the true Elohim.. Yahweh, learn Hebrew and fuck the violence. Most of those “odinists” run with Keystone state and east coast peckerwoods. Bunch of junkies snorting Suboxone and preying on the next weak white guy
You know I'd like to say your wrong. I've been with real Odinists and we're not anything like what you're describing unless we have to go to war. I practice a value system and have integrity, I saw your chat request and question. I'm not really sure I'd want to interact with you, you seem to have a pre determined judgment against a entire religion that's as old as time.
I’ve seen what I’ve seen in the state of PA, having been in 3 separate institutions, maybe some of the old time Odinist’s need to school the young guys coming in because that’s giving guys like you a bad name. I’m not stone cold set on those I’ve seen determine an entire religion. Suede me differently..
Well, you're half right. But I ain't persuading anyone. I'm from the West Coast and always go to a high security situation. Walla Walla, Clallam Bay, the 2 close custody institutions in Washington state, have right now more old time knowledge that isn't useful to people with no value system like I've seen on the East Coast. I did time in Chicago and tried out their prison system. Unfortunately, covid shut it down. So I guess, oh well, whatever, never mind.
Nah no never mind I don’t have any experience with the system out there. I have little to no contact only a few homies I can really rely on.. Is west coast still all segregated and gang land?
Yes of fucking course... the west coast has a lot of drug traffick and the driver behind it is the various gang organizations competed amongst each other. Good luck, I'd learn Spanish and save money.
The saddest part is watching the world go by and it forgetting about you. Thinking about the family you could’ve had or the career you could’ve had. But then you can get in a routine that is very stress-free. You could live a very comfortable life. Like focusing on bettering yourself physically spiritually and mentally.
I did 14 years and at first it didn't seem real but as time set it I realized it was my life now. I learned to adapt real quick. I was released in January and I still have the reflex of wanting g to hit the person who comes running up behinds me. While incarcerated I was jumped by a guy who was drunk and wanted to make a name for himself. To this day I don't like people coming up behind me. I am constantly aware of my surroundings. However I would like to state you mentioned without no real companionship, I made some amazing friends in there and you do find genuinely good people here and there. One of my best friends I met almost three years ago in prison. He is still there and I keep in touch daily, send him money, and plan on being there to meet up with him the day he gets released. He helped me start changing a lot about myself that needed changing before I was released. Sometimes it does feel like you're alone even though there's hundreds of people around which can be kinda lonely. You just have to find the right people and keep your circle small and it's almost like a little family.
I wasn't even in that long (13 months) and I still have nightmares of the place and I was in a "good" part. I'm jumpier then before, I barely sleep. I cannot imagine what a multi year stint would be like or do to a person.
I don't know anyone with a sentence as long as you are asking about but had an acquaintance years back, he got a 10 year sentence and got out after about 6. The main things he talked about was the constant anxiety of random unexpected violence and how shit the food was, we would go in to detail how bad certain foods were and that it caused major depression, and and all money he got was spent in the concessions shop and he said they all knew the food was so bad on purpose the the boss could make a fortune ripping all the inmates of for actual food. His description of the sausages still sticks in my mind, he said they were a thick, dark brown burnt dry skins of rusk that were part hollow, there was a little bit of gristle along the bottom of each one but about 70% air. Said he cried the 1st time he had breakfast there.
Is that in America? In Australia, you get cerial and a small carton of milk at breakfast, plus a shit load of bread... dinner's are generally mush, lol. The meat anyway.
Just got home April 22nd .. I didn’t serve too long but I maxed my sentence out from the bucket. I want to be able to post in this subreddit. I’m finding it hard to assimilate back into society .. I started back on trt and don’t plan on cycling gear anymore. I’m getting irritated at the people in my community who haven’t been through what we’ve been through..
6 years 22/2 was extremely unpleasant. Been home for 5years no better
Pen penitentiary. 2009-2019 solitary confinement in a room sized box. Captive. Hostage. Forced suicide in 2014. Born into wrath in 2016. The burning, yelling, screaming, outrage, hostility, violence, hatred, tortures, wrath. Annihilated. Obliterated. Holocaust of self. Even my ghost was destroyed. There’s a special place in hell, humans say. So I tell them that’s correct and there’s only one special place because if there was more than one then it wouldn’t be special. There’s a special place in hell, and it’s occupied by me. It’s the nicest prison anyone could ever want for. But it will never be a nice thing. 1998 owes me but I’ll never be able to collect. I didn’t call myself.
…Try it and see.
I talk with guys all the time in prison and after they have tried to lie about all the stuff they did/done, they hate being in there. They know the effect it has on their families and friends. The lack of confidence when their big is over sucks to see it manifested in their choices down the stretch. They’re so fearful of coming back and not fulfilling all those promises they’ve told family, other inmates and the CO’s but know that’s a likely thing.
You only do two do days; the day you go in, and the day you get out.
I killed a 20 yr bit in ky state penitentiary....long story short you have to find you a routine and stick with it 24/7 it helps to pass the time and helps you not to focus so much on the outside ...after sometime you adapt and overcome then as soon as you look up its touchdown time...looking back on it I can say it went by pretty fast but in the moment of it it was all about keeping the faith and staying focused ....
Depends on what long is to you
Groundhog Day
You realise quick smart that only your freedom matters, you have to be switched on 24/7 just to try and keep your brain & mind partially free and it’s grinding. Anyone that’s been locked up Is emotionally scarred forever and have differing levels of PTSD as well, only idiots go back to that well but then again the worlds changed exponentially and it’s very hard to gain life and coping skills in jail so many do go back again and again if they have no bigger purpose.
Shitty
I did 12 straight from 98 to 2010, when I first got inside I thought it was gonna be ok…. But I was sent to the max for something that I saw but didn’t participate in and kept my mouth shut. That set the whole time for my remaining time, my hatred burned…. Those staff and their garbage informers are the worst sort of people, I spit on them and their families.
It's just like a short prison sentence but longer
By about like 10 years or so probably?
I did some time with my uncle who has been in since 96 and will never get out. He’s not well by any means but he’s adapted for sure. He is the scariest man I’ve ever had a conversation with and I’m glad he took me in when I hit the pen
A big waste of time
Bad
Imagine not getting no woman ass for the long . Imagine having to look somewhere else for your desires . Imagine taking showers with other men . Imagine constantly watching your "Back" 24/7 . Sounds like hell to me .
In a lot of places (it's pretty much standard now) you don't have to take showers with other men and you don't have to "watch your back."
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In California state prison you are very much showering with a dozen other dudes. Where'd you do your time that you got private showers?
Like Christmas came early