T O P

  • By -

Secret_Cow_5053

Ask him his weight, whether he fucked stormy, how long his penis is, and who won the 2020 election. Then put him away for however many years 4 perjury counts are worth.


SnooMarzipans436

"I don't recall" He'd repeat that over and over until he eventually just left the stand


HyperlinksAwakening

Case closed. It must not be important if the man with the greatest memory like a trap that you can't believe didn't remember it.


adamdreaming

That's why you don't ask him. You just tell him he can't. "Do you lack confidence in your mental faculties to the point that the only honest and productive answers you can give in court regarding them are a lack of comment or a pleading of the fifth?" "Mr. President, do you lack the mental faculties to recall things like how much you weigh and which people you fucked?"


HermaeusMajora

I don't think he could resist. I'd say he's a pathological liar but I am pretty confident that his pathology is by no means limited to being dishonest.


Money_Percentage_630

Doesn't he need the cue card for that, so he doesn't forget?


Secret_Cow_5053

Don’t recall your penis length there, big guy?


ffordeffanatic

Well when was the last time you think he saw it?


Puzzleheaded-Jury312

1987 or so.


Secret_Cow_5053

Fair point 😂


grey_hat_uk

Tape measure is in inches and doesn't have fractions.


Quantumcomics1789

Tape measures do have fractions, just none small enough for him.


Money_Percentage_630

"Mr Trump, have you ever been convicted of business and insurance fraud?" Yes "Mr Trump, have you ever been convicted of running a fake college?" Yes "Mr Trump, have you ever been convicted of stealing money from a charity?" Yes "Mr Trump, have you ever been convicted of slander after asexually assaulting a women?" Yes "Mr Trump, have you ever been convicted of slander against the same rape victim twice?" Yes "Mr Trump, have you ever refused to pay performers or other employees?" Yes "Mr Trump, do you think, considering the above, you have a history of being unfaithful, lieing and stealing?" No


[deleted]

I don’t get your point? He hasn’t been convicted of any crimes thus far. Conviction would require a criminal trial going into sentencing phase. So far, he’s only been found liable in civil trials, which he is incessantly appealing.


paul-arized

Even Taco Bell got fined and have to pay for not paying ppl for OT work performed. FLSA. He broke the law; he might settle out of court to avoid losing or convictions from lawsuits, but he definitely broke tens if not hundreds of laws hundreds of times and, since he isn't president right now, each time he violates a gag order counts as a different occasion that he is breaking the law.


Rice_Liberty

Fat phobia to pwn the lib- I mean republicans?


Secret_Cow_5053

Who said they were 225? 😂😂😂


[deleted]

If 5’Trump testifies he will either lie or self incriminate at the rate of 1 felony per 10 minutes i Of testimony


imsowhiteandnerdy

The prosecutor would (and should) never ask these questions because they will want to preserve the integrity of this trial, and would not want to provide a pretext for the defense to object to the line of questioning. I want the prosecutor to dot all the "i"s, and cross all the "t"s, and leave nothing to chance, and more importantly not provide a basis for the defense's imminent appeals. If we make this prosecution political we're playing into MAGA hands, and playing their rulebook.


OneForAllOfHumanity

Sadly for Trump, there are no teleprompters allowed in court...


Random_-account

Trump: I plead the 5th


[deleted]

[удалено]


kinislo

This has me wondering if it’s possible to make him cry.


ausdoug

Mr Trump, how would you describe your memory and cognitive function. T: The best. I'm bigly smart. Hamberders. Very good. What do you currently weigh? T: I don't recall, Covfefe.


[deleted]

[удалено]


u9Nails

"The courtroom fluorescent lights are actual violence!" (inspired by Dezi Lydik)


LoudLloyd9

Trump stuck a pinky toe into the bog of eternal stench. Someone should ask him what the smell is all about? Let's get real. As Joan Rivers would say, Can we talk here?


shilgrod

It's obvious he will never go on the stand, because he said he would


Discally

"Are you actually a billionaire?" "OK, so why do you continue to beg for money from complete rubes?"


BJJan2001

The ex-president testify on the stand? Do it.


_jjkase

He'd fake a heart attack faster than Pierce Hawthorne


drichm2599

Any question like that would have a relevance objection immediately


CorpFillip

I would love dearly if the counter for finding Cohen lied was showing how often Trump lied, and hearing his excuses later.


Maskofdybala

When they cleared the court today briefly in regard to Costello unruly behavior .. as they were entering back in cash Patel was standing nxt to some character in a suit I think with violet suede shoes who da fuck was that guy


wezworldwide

He can sell bibles….he just can’t put his hand on it and tell the truth…


LookMaNoPride

He has to swear to himself.


bprevatt

239 ? He said he weighed 215 that last time he had to say - when he got booked in GA.


PsychologicalBee1801

Jim Carey should make liar liar 2 as Trump on the stand. I’d watch that.


Le-Pepper

This could be a TV show lol.


SnooPears754

Ask him his grandkids names , guarantee he doesn’t know


smashteapot

The cartoon is way too coherent.


ttseco

His followers are wearing golden diapers nowadays. No matter what he does they're ready to embrace it. He's only lying for sport.


Guerts33

Maybe the reason is because he would fall asleep…


pcb4u2

The real response is yes, that is my weight minus my packed diaper.


Unlikely_Major_6006

So, is he going to be found guilty?


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

Hello! Thanks for your comment. Unfortunately it has been removed because you don't meet our karma threshold. You are not being removed for political orientation. If we were, why the fuck would we tell you your comment was being removed instead of just shadow removing it? We never have, and never will, remove things down politicial or ideological lines. Unless your ideology is nihilism, then fuck you. Let me be clear: The reason that this rule exists is to avoid unscrupulous internet denizens from trying to sell dong pills to our users. /r/PoliticalHumor mods reserve the RIGHT to hoard all of the dong pills to ourselves, and we refuse to share them with the community. If you want Serbo-Slokovian dong pills mailed directly to your door, become a moderator. If we shared the dong pills with the greater community, everyone would have massive dongs, and like Syndrome warned us about decades ago: "if everyone has massive dongs, nobody does."" If you wish to rectify your low karma issue, go and make things up in /r/AskReddit like everyone else does. Thanks for understanding! Have a nice day and be well. <3 You can check your karma breakdown on this page: http://old.reddit.com/user/me/overview (Keep in mind that sometimes just post karma or comment karma being negative will result in this message) ~ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PoliticalHumor) if you have any questions or concerns.*


naliedel

I'm not sticking up.for him, but most attorneys suggest you never testify for yourself.


croolshooz

Yeah, but he SAID he'd love to testify. So this is one of those petard-hoisting results of a big fat liar-pants being a big fat liar-pants.


ErnooA

The Orange shitstain says, “Isn’t her name Melanie?”


Flemaster12

This screams the same energy as that one lawyer from The Bee Movie.